A headcase needs a gym

June 10, 2008 6:46 PM

I am an overweight 21 year old woman. I want to join a gym but have a lot of reservations. This question is a lot longer than it probably ought to be.

I am 21 years old, and pretty overweight. I have embarked on the long journey of changing my eating habits, which are currently abysmal. My weight has always fluctuated as much as 75 lbs up and down, due to periods of starvation and bingeing as a teenager. I have some sort of pride problem that really made it impossible for me to share with anyone that I was (and am) unhappy with myself.

I've been pretty fat for the past three years. I have never joined a gym, exercised regularly, or even lost weight in a healthy way once in my life. Ignoring cravings (and not eating at all) has been very easy for me, leading to incredibly fast weight loss, but that is impossible to maintain, and terrible on your health at that. My last period of starvation was 4-5 years ago. I went to college after that, maintained a normal weight for about a year and a half or so, then started to expand. I should add that I did not maintain that weight through any effort of my own; beyond not eating whatsoever, I have never made any efforts to lose weight, because some part of me that has easily-hurt pride couldn't admit I thought there was something wrong with myself.

I share this backstory to give you an idea of my state of mind. Changing my diet has been easy, and in fact, kind of fun. I get a perverse satisfaction in denying myself when I get cravings, and feel proud of myself when I eat healthy amounts at normal times -- something I've never done before.

I want to add exercise to my life, and I want to do it at a gym. I am almost embarrassed of this desire. No, I'm full-blown embarrassed of it. I feel extremely anxious when I think of going to a gym and being so overweight compared to everyone else there working out. I have never been in a gym outside of high school, so I don't know anything -- I don't even know what's appropriate to wear to a gym. I feel most at ease when I consider joining Curves, because I know all of the customers are women, and the majority of those women are as sedentary as I am, and less likely to judge me. However, I have read that their workouts and machines are not really all they are cracked up to be.

What other gyms can you guys recommend that have an accepting, non-judgmental atmosphere? I am in the Tidewater area of Virginia, south of the tunnels. Obviously, this is the most important thing. I'm absolutely terrified of the idea of going to work out (something I've always been too ashamed to do) and being made fun of or judged.

Also, at the gym, can I basically do what I want, or do you have to do those group workout things? Do you recommend the group workouts?

What are the benefits of a personal trainer? Would it be worth it to me to get one? How much do they run? I'm sure this varies wildly, but some sort of a clue would be helpful.

I've read about gyms being high pressure sales situations -- they try to get you to sign up for long contracts, or are vague about the prices, or offer more services than you really need, those kinds of things. Is this true or just a stereotype?

Finally, and in all seriousness, what DOES one wear to the gym? I know lycra can't still be in. (CAN IT?)

posted by anonymous to health (52 comments total)

Would you reconsider Curves? They're not going to turn you into a well-toned goddess, but it's a good starting point. Going there really, really helped me to lose some weight at one point, and I found the workouts doable and the people friendly, both of which were very important to me. I probably could have found a better workout elsewhere, but the combination of personal comfort and exercise was one I only really found there.

If you did Curves for a few months or a year until you'd lost some weight and gained some fitness, you might feel a lot more comfortable then moving up to a 'real gym' to continue on your path to fitness.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:04 PM on June 10 [1 favorite]

You might want to consider taking a fitness class at your local junior college. I know you said you wanted to go to a gym, but consider the class to be a gym with training wheels. When I started getting into exercise I took a circuit class, and everybody there was at the same level as I was which was comforting. Once I got a feel for the different machines and the class was over I got a membership at a proper gym and didn't feel terribly out of place.

An added benefit of jc classes is free access to the teacher, who will likely be a personal trainer.

As to what one wears at a gym, well, wear something comfortable. For me that was sweats and a T-shirt.
posted by lekvar at 7:06 PM on June 10

I wear baggy tshirts and yoga capris when I go.

Is there a hospital affiliated gym near you? The one I go to has folks of every size and fitness level and I am incredibly comfortable there. I would also recommend you find one that offers water aerobics-that is a great way to get started with fitness, and the water helps cushion and protect your joints.
posted by konolia at 7:06 PM on June 10

I will gladly answer based on my experiences with Workout World. I was signed up by my wife (girlfriend at the time) who asked forgiveness instead of permission and promptly stopped going. I currently attend classes at a martial arts-focused gym in Boston.

Also, at the gym, can I basically do what I want, or do you have to do those group workout things? Do you recommend the group workouts?

They will typically have a large set of machines for individual use. These may range from cardio equipment (exercise bikes, cross-country skiing simulators, and other similar devices), circuit training (complicated-looking weight lifting equipment), free weights (heavy things with benches upon which to rest as you lift), boxing stuff, jump ropes, stretching machines, mirrors, and maybe a sauna and probably showers. They may also offer group classes as part of your fee or extra. (for example my current situation has my capoeira instructor paying rent to the gym while i pay for classes directly to him and my gym membership would be extra)

I've read about gyms being high pressure sales situations -- they try to get you to sign up for long contracts, or are vague about the prices, or offer more services than you really need, those kinds of things. Is this true or just a stereotype?

Read the fine print. Gyms make money by people signing up on contracts and then dropping out after a month. Sometimes there's an out if you move too far away, and sometimes they'll let you pay an early termination fee.

Finally, and in all seriousness, what DOES one wear to the gym? I know lycra can't still be in. (CAN IT?)

There are plenty of people who get dressed up in fancy Under Armour gear because they like to show off their physique. They are irritating. Wear sweat pants and a t-shirt.
posted by mkb at 7:07 PM on June 10

As for a diet, I'm a big fan of Weightwatchers online. It's cheaper than the in-person meetings and is a great option for web savvier people. I have lost about 100 pounds using it, of course, it took me about four years to do it right. But it helps a lot with portioning and eating healthy. If you want more specifics on WW online, MeMail me.

As for the gym, I was horrified at first, too. A personal trainer can help, but I found that to be too intimidating at first as well. What I did at first was simply cardio equipment. It's easy to figure out on your own and if you have questions, staff can help you pretty quickly and then get out of your way. At first I just walked on the treadmill for 30 to 45 minutes about four times per week. And then I started getting braver and tried an elliptical. And then I made friends with one of the staffers and she showed me some weight training equipment and pointed me toward a pilates class the gym offered. Take it slow and trust me when I tell you this: No one is looking at you. Everyone is working out and focused on getting done and going home.

I've had good experiences at both gyms in terms of the contracts. Just ask a lot of questions and do yourself a favor and join for a shorter term, like three months if you can, at first. There is nothing more depressing than paying for the gym when you don't go.

As for clothes, t-shirts and sweat or yoga pants are fine. I like Old Navy and Target for gym clothes. Cheap and not completely ugly. Try these pants and a shirt like this.

Good luck, take it slow and do me a favor and buy a reusable water bottle instead of pre-bottled water.
posted by als129 at 7:11 PM on June 10

The founder of Curves donates money to anti-abortion groups. I don't know whether this will affect your opinion about the chain one way or the other.

Many folks think that YMCA/YWCAs, and other community/nonprofit gyms, are more accepting than your for-profit Gold's Gyms and Ballys and whatnots. That's pretty much been my experience, too.

One thing you might consider is taking up swimming, cycling, jogging (or walking) or a similar activity. That way, you can follow the second part of jacquilynne's advice, and lose a little weight/gain a little fitness, and you'll then both feel better about joining a gym and be better equipped to get the most out of it.
posted by box at 7:13 PM on June 10

Try to find a small gym where the owners are friendly. Mine has never tried to pressure me, and I've always felt really comfortable over there. Plus, it's great to know that I can get help when I want it, without feeling like a loser because I don't know how to work a certain machine.

Wear some shorts and a t-shirt -- you're probably going to lose weight soon, so don't go all out for new training clothes. When you get really into going to the gym (you'll get addicted to the feeling soon!), buying exercise clothes will be a nice treat.

I have to say that I'm a little bit concerned, though, because your eating habits seem pretty unhealthy (the yo-yo dieting) and it's really important not to get obsessive and control-y about going to the gym. Start slow, and don't push yourself too much!

I'm in the middle of my own transition to a healthier lifestyle, and it feel great. Good luck!
posted by OLechat at 7:14 PM on June 10

As a pretty regular gym goer I can say with 100% confidence that you are putting way to much thought into this. Most of the ppl at the gym are going to get their 30-min workout in and get out. No one's going to look at you. Nor will you be out of place. I see out-of-shape people at the gym all the time. I prefer a t-shirt and track pants, but wear whatever makes you the most comfortable.
posted by bananafish at 7:15 PM on June 10

You can do whatever you want at any gym I've been to. My wife does various classes (or 'group workouts') and loves them; I put on headphones and avoid eye contact and focus on just weights and machines. A personal trainer can recommend specific exercises or entire groups of them, can guide pacing and repetitions, can advise on proper form, and can be a motivational partner. No idea on cost. I think that gyms are slightly higher than average places for pressure when it comes to signing up; avoid this by [a] seeing if they offer a free trial day or two, and [b] walking in, asking for a rate sheet, and walking out to review it away from any sales people, [c] saying "No, thanks" *anytime* you feel uncomfortable. Wear whatever you want; what's "in" is irrelevant. Sweats are good, shorts and Tshirts, tennis shoes, etc.

Also, while gyms are great, make sure you're walking for long periods of time outside the gym. I've seen beginner exercise regimens that recommend 45mins-1hr a day.
posted by TheManChild2000 at 7:16 PM on June 10

Check out your local YMCA! The average age at my Y is about 106 and the average weight is over so no judging going on at all. I've seen people drinking soda as they ride the bikes. That's not to say it's not a serious, good gym too because it is and there are lots of people there who obviously are athletes and fitness buffs. But it is super low key and accepting of anyone who wants to be there.

They have staff who will help you for free to set up an exercise routine and who are always there to answer questions. They even make printouts of the routine for people who have never been to a gym before and will watch you to make sure you are using the machines correctly. The staff presence also stops skeevy guys from getting guest passes and coming in to check out all the women which was a constant issue when I belonged to Golds (you can spot these guys easily, they are the ones in street clothes riding the bike reeealllllyyy slowly with their mouths hanging open).

I've head that some Y's are run down but ours is really nice. It has all the right equipment and nicer locker rooms than the more expensive places. I chose it purely based on price and proximity to my house but it's my favorite gym I've ever belonged to.

As for what you wear, I normally wear a sports bra, any old t-shirt and regular cotton or nylon gym shorts with cheap lyrca "bike" shorts from Target under them. This prevents me from flashing anyone and also is comfier on the bikes. I sometimes wear gloves to lift weights but only because it's easier on my hands.

And don't worry, it's a myth that everyone who belongs to a gym looks fantastic and struts around snickering at newbies. You'll see pretty much the same kind of body shapes you see anywhere else and most people are too focused on working out to bother looking at other people much.
posted by fshgrl at 7:17 PM on June 10 [1 favorite]

I know you said you want to join a gym, but a 30 minute walk every day clears your head, is free and comes without the pressure of going to a gym. Consider walking and going to the gym.
posted by cnc at 7:17 PM on June 10

I briefly worked at Gold's Gym about 5 years ago. We used to joke that:

If "gym" is in the name, they'll be lots of bodybuilders.
If it's a "sports club", they'll be lots of socialites playing tennis and lawyers playing racquetball.
If it's a "fitness center", expect lots of comfy people in sweats working out.

Wear what you're comfortable in regardless. Working out is hard enough without tugging at your clothes or feeling self-conscious about how they're fitting.

I absolutely second looking to see if any of your local hospitals have fitness centers. There you will be working out along side elderly people, hospital employees, patients, and people just as nervous as you, none of which will look down on you for being a young girl wanting to have a healthier lifestyle.
posted by Ugh at 7:19 PM on June 10

I'm not overweight, but have fought the battle of the bulge on a small scale my whole life, so maybe I can relate at least a little. For one going to the gym is NOTHING like high school, I had a phobia from gym class when I was always picked last and made to run until I nearly cried, so I hated the idea of going to the gym, but it's really far more laid back.

I would go for a non fancy gym, one where people are just going to get their 45 minutes in after work, not where the serious gym rats go. You may have to shop around a little, but it'll probably be the no frills one. Also if you are really self conscious going later in the evening when not a lot of people are there to start with and just get an elliptical or a treadmill in the corner with a tv, then you can just tune out the the tv while you work out and not many people will be around you anyway. Really, there are always at least a handful of people at my gym who are significantly overweight, so I really don't think you need to feel out of place. And most people I feel are like me, average weight, but hardly with perfect bodies. Honestly most people at the gym are either just trying not get fat or trying to get unfat, very few are judging. I'm 25 and normal weight, can't get above level 3 on any machine and am dripping in sweat 95% of the time, and I'm just like everyone else.

As far as price I found that most gyms vary from around $40 a month to as high as $95, the sign up fees vary, definitely smart to shop around and look for deals. Also consider location, it'll make a huge difference upon whether you actually go. Most gyms have websites and people you can email, I would do that to avoid the high pressure in person sales tactics.

Clothing wise, the most forgiving gym clothes are probably yoga pants and they are comfy, but just go to a store and try on a ton until you find a pair you are comfortable in (some have way too much stretch and cling in bad, bad ways). I just usually wear yoga pants and a big tshirt or sometimes a tank top.
posted by whoaali at 7:20 PM on June 10

I feel extremely anxious when I think of going to a gym and being so overweight compared to everyone else there working out.

I think this fear is slightly misplaced. I spend a fair amount of time in gyms, and like most people, I subtlety (or brazenly) watch other people while they're working out. However, I'm much more likely to mentally sneer at an in shape person doing an exercise I think is worthless than an overweight person giving it their all.

In other words, if I see a fit (looking) person doing 30 reps of seated hip abductions, I'll think he/she's an idiot. On the other hand, if I see someone doing overweight doing compound lifts with good form or busting it on a run, I'll be congratulating that person in my head.
posted by christonabike at 7:27 PM on June 10

it seems that curves is doing a $30 for 30 days fitness study with avon. Just go in or google curves avon fitness study for info.

Before I moved I went to the gym. A personal trainer really helped. He was really encouraging and it motivated me to actually go.

Now I am just swimming and using the Wii fit. If I could only create a routine it would be the best so far.
posted by nimsey lou at 7:27 PM on June 10

The thing is...if you people look down on you for being overweight, they're doing that anyway. If you go to the gym and someone actually cares enough to look down on you, just consider that you must surely still rank above someone who has not had the nerve to go to the gym. I mean, if they're spending that much thought on judging you, they've probably got a little hierarchy going. So you're not at the very bottom. And that's if they even spend time thinking about you. Most people are just focusing on their own workout.

If people are going to judge you, would you rather it be when you know you're not doing anything or when you're at the gym? That's what I had to think about. And so I go to the gym, have a personal trainer and now I'm starting fitness classes. And I'm so glad. When I was working out on my own in my apartment, I really did need the help you get from someone showing you to do the exercises as you do them.
posted by acoutu at 7:29 PM on June 10 [1 favorite]

I agree with bananafish - do not let what other people think hold you back from going to the gym. I've worked out at a lot of different ones. I never noticed a "gym clique" at any of them. People come, work out, and leave. They're all there for more or less the same reason. Wear what is most comfortable for you. Something that allows movement.

I've gone to different gyms. The Y is good for beginners. They'll walk you through the equipment (it can seem intimidating for a little while, but after about a month, you'll get into a routine - you'll start to look forward to it).

If I could give you one piece of advice, it's start slow. Do less than you are physically able to do. I've seen so many people go, give it their all the first time or two, get injured or hurt so much they don't go back. Work on establishing a routine before you start pushing yourself. This is not something you're doing for the short haul, but for the rest of your life. I'm seeing the payoff now, with lower blood pressure than other people have and better bone mass. There are a lot of benefits to working out over the long haul.

Good luck in this. Never let what other people think stop you from doing what you want. In the end, the only one you answer to it yourself.
posted by clarkstonian at 7:35 PM on June 10

In addition to any exercise routine, you might want to think about some sort of dietary counseling. Your eating habits are out of control. The point is not that you can override your most basic instincts for a short period of time, but that you can develop healthy, sustainable eating habits. You are young, and while your body may be able to manage these drastic weight changes, it will come back to bite you in the ass (and the kidneys and liver and heart) in your later years. You are typical in that you are proud of your ability to starve yourself; it's probably the only area of your life in which you feel in control. (I say this as someone who had a borderline eating disorder many years ago.)

I know all too well that some people thrive on an "all or nothing" outlook, but you need to be able to say to yourself, well, I can have some ice cream, but I will not eat the entire container. I will not punish myself for eating said ice cream by working out excessively, then disappear from the gym for six months. I will go to the gym almost X number days per week, but will give myself some days off or easy days. I will get lots of sleep, and drink plenty of non-carbonated fluids.

As for what to wear to workout, I wear an old T-shirt, a sports bra, and workout capris. Baggy shorts if it's warm. I put my money into decent sneakers.

If the prospect of joining a gym freaks you out, consider buying a set of free weights and do lots of walking. (Or swim in the local pool. Or ride a bike.) Once you get tired of what you have at home, look at gyms. At that point, you should be comfortable with your workout routine, and will be thrilled to have some additional equipment, so you can vary the workout.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 7:38 PM on June 10

Hey, far from being a headcase, you sound incredibly self-aware of what's easy and difficult for you about this (a self-awareness that few people share about body image stuff) and you are strategically working to overcome what's difficult. You don't need to be as apologetic as you are!

Gyms are all different, in their prices & sales pitches, in their features, and in their atmospheres. They also vary by time of day.

Features: Some are more about weights, some have a good stairmaster section. Some have pools. Some have classes (free or cost extra). I'd think about what you want.

Atmosphere: The features affect the atmosphere somewhat. I've been to gyms full of bulked-out guys, gyms with a better gender balance, gyms that felt like social scenes (people suntanning by the pool), and then -- my favorite -- the YMCA or YWCA. [On preview, same as everyone else, wow.] The Y (and one college gym I've used) had a good gender balance and, even more impressive, a great cross-section of ages, including families, very fragile-looking older people, people of different incomes, and people of all body types. I'd visit a couple gyms. Gyms often offer a free or pay-per-visit pass for you if you tell them you're considering joining.

Prices: Some put you through what you described, while others are very straightforward. You can sometimes find out prices over the phone. Often, it's an $X one time fee to sign up, plus $Y / month. Then, they sometimes waive the joining fee, and/or they offer a better deal if you sign up for a set amount of time. You could ask about all that.

Curves: I've been once. They do target total beginners. They measure your body, which for me was a boring waste of time (I'm not there for my arm diameter), but if being able to evaluate your success would motivate you, it might help. I would be annoyed to all end if they told me my waist size wasn't dropping (I heard them hassle someone in this way). The Curves I went to seemed to be a group of friends. Seemed to help them with motivation. Every day from 8-9 am, they did this circuit of exercises together. 45 seconds on one machine. A minute of jumping rope. 45 seconds on the next machine. A minute of jumping rope. This all annoyed me, since I like to think and be alone while I'm at the gym. But the friend who took me really liked it.

Trainers: I have two friends who used personal trainers, and they both said it really helped them get up to the speed they wanted to be at very quickly. On the other hand, they cost additional money.

The intimidation in general: It's completely understandable that you'd feel intimidated. I've been going for like the last 15 years, and every time I join a new one, I feel intimidated. There are three awkward feelings to prepare yourself to ignore. There's the one you're thinking of now, how you will compare your appearance and fitness level to others. More on this in a second. Then, some places, there's the "everyone seems to know everyone" phenomenon. Then, there's having no idea how to use any of the equipment. A book, tour, or class with a personal fitness trainer can help with that last one, but you can also just watch others while pretending to rest or stretch. (My guess is that 30% of the people there learned in high school gym or on a sports team, 60% had no idea what they were doing and faked it while secretly copying others, and maybe 10% took a class or a trainer session.)

Here are some reasons to ignore the body intimidation. First, people of all body types are probably there. Second, working out is actually a very solitary thing. It's between you and your body. Those people are probably thinking, "can I beat my own best mile time?" or "should I do a third set?" or "can I go home yet?" or "what about my quadriceps?" or whatever. I watch people to distract myself from being tired, but there are so many different types of people that I'd say never does anyone stand out as "what are they doing here?" Third, nobody is judging your performance on that particular machine. For all they know, you suck at pull-ups but are amazing on the stairmaster or great at judo. Fourth, if you are struggling more than others, you are achieving more improvement than the lazy people who are just doing the same 26 minutes of light jogging they do every day (speaking as one of them). When I can tell people are new to the gym, I'm usually just impressed that they are sticking with it and starting something new. Enjoy it being new, in fact. It's a lot more exciting and life-changing than it will be once it's completely habitual!
posted by salvia at 7:39 PM on June 10

From the length of your question, it's pretty clear that your issue is not with your body but with how you think about it. You seem to have a tiny inkling of this; even though you're wanting to work on it, you have pretty flimsy excuses. If you wanted to do it, you'd do it. (How do I know this? I do it myself about twice a year :P)

You MUST deal with your brain, perhaps even before you deal with your body.

Your starvation and bingeing as a teenager, coupled with the fact that you KNOW you're getting a "perverse satisfaction" from food control, puts you at serious risk for both getting back into an eating disorder. Perhaps more seriously, you will continue to have lifelong control issues with food that will keep you from being able to safely maintain a healthy weight over time.

I highly recommend that you talk with a counselor about body issues, but even if you don't do that (though I'd say it's even more important than the workouts), I'd advise getting started with either a trainer or someone else who can keep you accountable. Someone like that can reassure you that things are going okay, check that you've got the correct form, ensure that you don't overexert yourself, and make sure you keep showing up. That's really the main thing. For me, it doesn't really matter what I do when I'm there; I can hop on the bike and zone out for half an hour, and that's SOMETHING. But I can come up with any number of excuses to not get to the gym, even when there is a 10-minute bus directly from my office to the gym. "Oh, I have a hangnail!"

You don't say how much you weigh and how tall you are, but I can guess that you're still probably smaller than me (size 16, 215 pounds). Trust me, there are people of every size and shape at most gyms. People only look at you if you give them a reason to do so, and you being uncomfortable and shifty is probably way more noticeable than just being overweight. Just stride in there, get it done (even if you have to do it in a corner... whatever works), and get out of there. I'd recommend the Y, for sure; between the family focus and the nonprofit emphasis, it's a very friendly and welcoming place.

Good luck, and I wish you nothing but the best of physical and emotional health.
posted by Madamina at 7:45 PM on June 10

I, too, was frightened to death of going to the gym...but we got a YMCA membership, and it's not too bad. It's a really interesting variety of the community that winds up there. As far as what to wear, I've seen it vary from the cutest, trendiest little matchy-matchy pink outfits to some little old man who wears his street clothes (polos and khakis). I pretty much just got some jogging pants on sale for about ten bucks, and whatever t-shirt I grab. A good sports bra is a must.
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 7:46 PM on June 10

Seconding jacquilynne's suggestion of Curves-till-whenever. I did Curves for a year, and then had to quit because, well, I'm 8 months pregnant. I probably won't be going back, but it's because I feel like I'm at a higher fitness level than everyone else there and need something more challenging. So I think for someone starting out, like you, it would be perfect.

The issues with the machines not being so great is (as I understand it) that over a long period of time they allow you to plateau your workout. The Curves employees are great about egging you on so that this doesn't happen, keeping track of your repetitions, etc., but I think over the course of a few years, there's only so far you can go on a machine that uses hydraulic pressure instead of actual weight. But that would take a long time.

So while I was there, I loved Curves. It's truly the only gym routine I've ever been able to stick to (and I'm a pretty determined person). Things that helped me:
1) knowing it's only 30 minutes
2) checking in every morning and seeing that number of total workouts, and workouts this month, going up, up, up!
3) the little promotions they had, like "summer camp" where the team with the most workouts wins, and little games and word puzzles posted on the board to figure out while exercising.
4) they break it down month by month for you. Every month you set a new, tiny goal and see if you can make it. These are related to your overarching goal for the year.

And best of all: They weigh and measure you and find out your body fat content every month. Not only that, they keep track of it on the computer so you can see that little line on the graph going down month by month! Huge ego boost; and other gyms I've been at either don't do that, or charge $40 a pop.

So yeah, I guess this comes off sounding like an advertisement for Curves, but I think you should go with them for a year until you feel more confident.
posted by GardenGal at 7:48 PM on June 10

I am fat. I go to a gym. I worry about what others think, but I have decided to script their judgment of me for them. I now assume that they are thinking, "Hm, fat, but at least she's doing something about it." And it works! And it's true! You can tell yourself that once you get there, too.

When you find the right place, they will show you around and teach you how to use any piece of equipment you want. My gym just charges one fee for everyone. There have to be other gyms like this. I bet the YMCA idea is your best bet to start out with. Try just the elliptical machines or treadmills -- they're easy to learn or figure out on your own.

There are tons of fat people at this gym. Don't go to a Bally's type of place -- try a non-chain place. Gyms where older people go are nice, because I do not worry as much stripping down in front of old ladies. And yes, I undress in front of other people there. There are all sorts of other versions of unattractiveness, based on my inadvertent observations.

I wear a T-shirt and a pair of Lands' End yoga pants, which come in many sizes.

To tell you the truth, I sort of like going -- it's "alone time" and I bought one of those clip-on iPod Shuffles and I either rock out or listen to NPR or another favorite podcast. And I was terrified beforehand. So I'm living proof that it can be done and will not be as bad as you think.
posted by theredpen at 7:52 PM on June 10

I am almost embarrassed of this desire. No, I'm full-blown embarrassed of it. I feel extremely anxious when I think of going to a gym and being so overweight compared to everyone else there working out.

Wow, there is no need to feel this way at all. I realize a lot of fears are irrational and it's not a simple thing to simply change your feelings about something. However, there are plenty of gyms (like the one I go to), where the body types run the whole range. There are a few of the really buff guys who focus on free weights, and then there are plenty of skinny, normal, overweight, and obese people everywhere else (on treadmills, ellipticals, circuit training equipment).

The thing you have to realize is, most people are completely in their own world. They bring headphones, and they're watching TV, listening to music, reading a magazine, or some combination of the above, while they exercise. Hardly anyone pays any attention to the people around them. Some gyms have different vibes, so you will want to check out a couple to see what makes sense for you. For example, there are some that are pure testosterone-festivals, and you probably wouldn't feel comfortable there. But the average gym is probably perfectly fine for you.

I don't even know what's appropriate to wear to a gym.

Wear comfortable clothes that allow you to move. If you're going to be doing cardio (treadmills, ellipticals, exercise bikes), make sure you have decent running or cross-training sneakers. Wear whatever makes you feel least self conscious. There's no dress code (except obvious stuff like "no jeans"), and as I said above, pretty much no one cares about anyone but themselves.

Personally (as a 28 year old guy), I wear a t-shirt and either track pants or baggy shorts. When you go check out a gym, they'll generally give you a tour of the facilities. Take a look around at what the other women are wearing, and do what works for you. Bring an extra set of clothes to change into when you leave, so you aren't driving home in sweaty clothes. (I usually just change into a clean t-shirt at the gym, and then shower at home.)

Also, at the gym, can I basically do what I want, or do you have to do those group workout things?

You can do anything you want. If you're new to this, which it sounds like you are, you should consider enlisting one of their personal trainers to teach you the basics. For example, I would suggest doing alternating days of cardio workouts (treadmill, etc.) and resistance workouts (lifting weights). The circuit training equipment is actually pretty easy to use, despite being confusing looking. Weight training is a really good way to boost your metabolism and increase your overall health. Also, I can't seem to make an exercise comment on here without plugging stumptuous. Spend some time on her site, I think you'll really appreciate it.

Also, go through some of the old threads on Ask.Me about what an appropriate workout routine is. You're going to develop personal preferences about workouts. You may enjoy running, and do something like the couch-to-5k program. You may focus more on weight-lifting, or cycling, or swimming. Fortunately, there is a variety, and you can experiment until you find what you enjoy (or at least don't hate), and therefore will stick with.

I've read about gyms being high pressure sales situations -- they try to get you to sign up for long contracts, or are vague about the prices, or offer more services than you really need, those kinds of things. Is this true or just a stereotype?

The answer, as always, is "it depends". I think places like the YMCA are pretty straightforward. They tend to be sorta pricey, but they're not jerks and they're not going to make things difficult. On the other hand, the gym I go to, well, it was like negotiating a used car purchase, right down to the slicked-hair sales guy writing numbers on a paper and sliding it across the table. It worked out in my favor, because I ended up haggling them down to about half of what I would pay at the YMCA.

Definitely read the fine print, don't commit to anything longer than you're comfortable with. (Maybe a one-year contract is reasonable, but two is excessive.) Remember you always have the freedom to walk away and find a better deal. Some places will be high pressure, and if they make you uncomfortable — leave.

Good luck!
posted by knave at 7:53 PM on June 10

my ymca is awesome. people of every shape, weight, size, and age. they also have some free sessions with one of the trainers for beginners. if you have one, i'd definitely check out your local y.
posted by allthingsbright at 7:55 PM on June 10

"What other gyms can you guys recommend that have an accepting, non-judgmental atmosphere?"

There are gyms in my area (not Virginia) that have women-only times, days or areas that have more 'serious' reputations than Curves; there probably is in your area also. As others have said, Curves has upsides, also. If Curves is your only option, that isn't necessarily a bad thing; some exercise is better than none, and it sounds like they do a good job with handholding and introductory workouts.

I'd stay away from some of the chains (Gold's, Bally's, etc.) I've heard good things about the YMCA/YWCA, but I can't say anything one way or the other.

"Also, at the gym, can I basically do what I want, or do you have to do those group workout things? Do you recommend the group workouts?"
You can do what you want. The group workouts are good because they're directed, and regularly scheduled, and generally do a good job of getting you outside of your comfort zone (in my experience.) Depending on your personality type, you might find the camaraderie useful. They're included with my gym membership, but some places charge extra.

"What are the benefits of a personal trainer? Would it be worth it to me to get one?"
In my opinion, there are four. Planning, education, organization, motivation:
1) Planning: will help you determine your goals, and what the best exercise regimen to get there is for you. Some may also may help with dietary / nutritional issues.
2) Education: "Why do I need to be educated on how to use a treadmill? You get on, you walk!" right? Well, there are a number of options on most cardiovascular equipment. Some have programs that vary the pace, inclination, or resistance based on prearranged schedules. Believe it or not, how you stand on the machine can make a difference on how effective your workout is. Also, if your trainer decides that weight training would be beneficial, they can instruct you on the proper way to use the equipment. Don't be scared of weight training. You won't get bulky, and it has many benefits.
3) Organization: Really, a subset of planning. For most people, if they don't have a predefined plan walking into the gym, they'll wander from machine to machine, uncertain on what exercise to do to reach their goals. A good trainer will take care of organizing that, and changing the patterns regularly.
4) Motivation: if you're paying to see someone, you're going to show up for those appointments. You may also find it useful to know that you have an appointment every week, and that you'll be letting down your trainer if you don't do your scheduled workouts in between appointments.


I've read about gyms being high pressure sales situations -- they try to get you to sign up for long contracts, or are vague about the prices, or offer more services than you really need, those kinds of things. Is this true or just a stereotype?

Depends on the gym. You're more likely to see this at the chain gyms.

Finally, and in all seriousness, what DOES one wear to the gym? I know lycra can't still be in. (CAN IT?)

Not really my area of expertise :), but the standard for women at my gym is fitness bra, t-shirt, shorts or yoga pants and tennis/gym shoes. As a guy, I wear a wicking t-shirt, gym shorts, and running shoes. I really like the Nike DRI-FIT or Under Armor wicking t-shirts, but they're hardly a necessity. I find a sweat-soaked t-shirt uncomfortable to run or do heavy exercise in.

Changing my diet has been easy, and in fact, kind of fun. I get a perverse satisfaction in denying myself when I get cravings, and feel proud of myself when I eat healthy amounts at normal times -- something I've never done before.

(unsolicited aside) What you eat is as important as how much you eat. I'd check out the 'Body For Life' book/workout program. Some people have problems with it, but it works really well for some people. It has some good information about balancing exercise with proper nutrition.
posted by theclaw at 7:58 PM on June 10

I am guessing that LOTS of people will tell you to join Curves. I'll tell you about Curves and other options from personal (and friends') experiences.

Curves is a great place. Totally non-competitive, non-judgemental, and very easygoing. A few of my friends have said "too easygoing". Because of this easygoing attitude, they lost VERY little weight after being there for a while (I'm talking 1-2 lbs/MONTH...which is still good if they maintain it...but considering a friend was 225, and wanted to lose 100 lbs over 2 years, it was no good).

Other gyms are kinda really intimidating. REALLY hot chicks are there using the elliptical machines and treadmills for what seems like hours. IT SUCKS. I know.

BUT....I've been going to a pretty high-end gym in LA (yeah...talk about gyms in LA). This is what I've noticed over a few years:

1. I can ALWAYS tell who the new people are. ALWAYS. If its your first week in joining a gym after a LONG break, I'll be able to tell...and so will EVERYONE else. BUT...they are SUPER nice to this person (seriously...this NEVER happens in LA). If a person is trying to use a machine and can't for the life of them figure it out, people just stop and help them.

2. Sometime during the second week...you will blend the hell in. You will get into a routine, you won't have that "deer in the headlights" look, and you won't look around so much to see if people are looking at you.

3. Do you know what people think when they see an overweight person on a treadmill...RESPECT. No joke. Bodybuilders look at that 125lb kid using 10 lb dumbbells with that same admiration. The ONLY people who BELONG in a gym are people who look hot, or buff. When people notice those who don't fit that category, its not a "oh...she sooo does not belong", its more of a "oh...I remember when I went through the beginning period...and I remember that day when i felt GOOD about my body...what a great time that was". Thats how they look at you...kinda like how some grad students look at undergrads.

4. Stay at the gym long enough (months...regularly), and EVERYBODY (I'm talking about the regulars who go at the saem time you go at) will notice a change. You're going to be looking a lot better, and smiling more, and MAYBE even making friends. Sure you won't be EXACTLY where you want to be, but you'll realize you're getting there.

5. Hot girls on treadmills...which do you think came first; the hot chick or the treadmill? I'll tell you from experience: its the treadmill.

The more competitive environment you immerse yourself in, the more change you will see in yourself. Seriously, whats the worst that can happen? Death? Nope. Embarassment...nope. Fear of embarassment...yes. You will TOTALLY worry that you should be embarassed. But trust me, nobody cares. They will just see you as their brethren if you go regularly.

Go in ANYTHING you feel comfortable in, get into a regimen, and progress at your own pace.

Good luck.
posted by hal_c_on at 8:06 PM on June 10

First, congratulations on deciding to get into the gym. They can be intimidating. But most of that is in your head. Unless you're going to some skeevy meat market, everyone there is there to workout. Most are in their own little iPod world or concentrating on their exercises.

The most important thing is to find a place where you feel comfortable -- or at least not freaked out. Some gyms do have high-pressure sales. If there are more salespeople than trainers, that's a red flag. You shouldn't have to sign up for a long term contract. And unless you are totally in love with a place don't sign up until you've shopped around and found the place you liked.

For me -- a guy who has worked out off and on (mostly off in the past few years but for the past 6 weeks I've been going almost every day) -- I look for a place where I won't have too many excuses not to go or to quit. A place that is too far away. A place that has crappy parking or gets too crowded during peak hours. A place that doesn't have crappy hours. I want a place that has lots of equipment so I don't have to wait for a machine (or has a wait list during peak times). Or a bunch of types of machines so I won't get bored. I want a place with newer machines and that repair machines quickly when they break. I want a clean locker room. I want a place with towel service and wipes for the machines. I want a place with group classes like aerobics (need to lose more weight before I do that again). I want a place that has trainers and group training programs if I want to use them. Bonus points if there's a pool.

I go to a gym that is part of a chain called LifeTime Fitness and there are some locations in VA but not certain where they are compared to you. But it works for me because it meets all of my criteria. Even at after work on a weekday I can get a workout in without waiting for a machine. The people that go there are not intimidating and it isn't really a meat market. They have a large staff of trainers and group fitness classes. I think it is only closed for a few hours on Christmas day. So I don't have to worry about getting there before they close or if they open late on weekends. There was a steep initiation fee, but there's no long term contract. If I decide I don't like it anymore or find a better place, I'm out of there.

My good friend came with me to LifeTime and she did not like it because it was too big and she liked smaller studio sized places (it was also a longer distance for her so she didn't want that excuse). So clearly, what works for me, won't work for everyone.

Here's another thing I've noticed: The people that work out in the morning are dead serious. You'll see people in great shape and you'll also see heavy people. But the people there early are the ones that are dedicated whether they're training for an IronMan or are trying to loose weight.

I love going in the morning because it a) gets the workout out of the way so I don't have to worry about coming up with an excuse to skip the gym; b) it isn't crowded and the people that are there are dedicated. There's a dude there in the 300 pound range that is on that treadmill every morning. Not long ago he was a 400 pound dude. And there 's a guy that is in the stair climber with a 50 pound weight in his backpack at a pretty decent clip and he's barely breaking a sweat. c) if you've worked out already, you'll be less inclined to ruin your eating plan by eating crappy food since it would undo what you got up early to do.

When I see a heavier person (and remember I'm heavy) working out I'm happy to see them working out and proud to see they're taking steps to improve their fitness. There is no "look at that fat ass" happening at any of the gyms I've ever gone to.

About the clothing, there's no "outfit". Many women wear a big t-shirt and shorts. First and foremost it is about being comfortable. You'll see when you visit clubs what people are wearing. You should wear what makes you feel comfortable. Seriously, no one else really cares (as long as your clothes aren't smelly).

Lastly, go to the bookstore or library and get some books on fitness. I've been training off and on for decades now and could probably write a book, but I still look for new advice and motivation. The last book I bought I really liked because he talks about the importance of cardio AND weights and does it in very humorous terms. It is a "celebrity" trainer writing the book but the advice is solid and he goes into why people fail at the gym - boredom, not seeing results, etc. It is called The Workout by Gunnar Peterson. The key is a combination of aerobic activity and lifting (his book says there are four wheels: aerobic (getting your heart rate to 65%-85% of your maximum), lifting (pushing, pulling weights or rubber bands), nutrition, and rest and recovery. If you're not doing all four, you're not going to get results. And you if you don't get results, you'll quit.

Best of luck. It could be life changing. And if you have any regret, it will be that you didn't start sooner.
posted by birdherder at 8:11 PM on June 10

I belong to Bally. My first Bally membership happened to be at the one in Virginia Beach, on Virginia Beach Blvd. I loved it there, and I transferred my membership to Florida when I moved. I like it because I feel like everyone is there to work out and not to socialize (except for the senior citizens who swim in the pool and hang out in the steam room and chat while pedaling about a mile an hour on the recumbent bikes).

I'm easily the heaviest woman at my gym. I'm sure people notice me but after the first time I walked in the door, I stopped caring about that. People who are there working out will respect what you're there to do. People who have approached me have only said positive things (it happens from time to time, especially with older men and people who have lost a lot of weight). I seriously cannot stress this enough - you will be fine.

I wear stretchy yoga pants or these excellent pants and big comfy tee shirts. Also seconding that a good sports bra is important.

You can do whatever you want to at the gym. I start with 30 minutes of cardio on the treadmill, switch to the weight machines, then 30 more minutes of cardio if I'm feeling ambitious. My gym also offers a lot of different classes. I'm not fit enough for most of what they offer yet, but I plan on joining in when I am. When you sign up at most gyms, you should get an hour with a Personal Trainer for free - these are handy for showing you how to use each machine, but not 100% necessary, since any member of the gym staff will show you how at any time. Sometimes you will be faced with a high-pressure sales situation. Just look over all of their plans, figure out which one you want, and stick to your guns. They want you in there more than they want to see you walk out because they pressured you too much. Some gyms will also bargain with you on the joining fee, and some run specials where you only pay $x.xx to sign up.

I'm not a fan of Curves, personally. Also, I understand that once you're past the very basic beginner stage, you've outgrown them anyway.
posted by mewithoutyou at 8:16 PM on June 10

Just FWIW, I was very self conscious about myself when I started biking, both because there's a lot of lycra clad cycle warriors around here and because I'm a lard ass. After I got out there I realized that nobody was giving me a second look, whether it be the people in the morning who are biking to work or the aforementioned lycra clad century bikers getting in their training. Nobody even gives me a second look when I'm walking up a hill because I'm too unfit to ride my bike all the way up.

The only time anybody pays me much attention at all beyond an "on your left" or a "hi" at a stop light is when I'm stopped at the side of the road or path, then they ask if I need any help.

I can't say about gyms, but I doubt that it's any different except at the most hard core of places. Most people are just too busy going about their business to worry about what you're doing or how you look. Personally, the only people I've taken notice of are the ones I've spoken with, aside from the one duo on a tandem whom I passed going one way where the woman on the back was yammering on about completely dull shit and was still doing it when I saw them again an hour later. The only reason I noticed that is that I realized I'd be going out of my mind in that situation and made a mental note not to buy a tandem bike to ride with my SO.

Personally, I'd go insane at a gym. The only benefit I see is that you can exercise no matter the weather.
posted by wierdo at 8:24 PM on June 10

FWIW, when I see an overweight or very unfit person in the gym, I try and send "good for you!" vibes. I admire their grit in knuckling down and doing something that is hard for them to do.

I absolutely do not look down on them. I don't think many people do. In years of gym attendance I have never heard anyone comment, even in a men's locker room, on the appearance of a fat person. The only reason I don't say something encouraging is for fear of being patronising.

I see a fair bit of lycra, but mostly sweatpants, tracksuit pants or shorts and a tshirt, whether male or female. To my mind plain sensible clothes are the mark of the serious gym-goer; lycra is for show-offs.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 8:32 PM on June 10

Finally, and in all seriousness, what DOES one wear to the gym? I know lycra can't still be in. (CAN IT?)

It is for some people. I usually wear shorts, and either a t-shirt or a t-shirt and hoodie depending on the time of year. The women at the gym I go to wear everything from lycra through to tracksuits and baggy tops.

I feel extremely anxious when I think of going to a gym and being so overweight compared to everyone else there working out.

That's very gym dependent, as you seem to be aware. Some gyms definitely attract a crowd who are there to look good as well as work out; others are more relaxed. The gym I go to has everything from huge bodybuilder and weightlifter physiques through to shrinkwrapped lycra hotties through to regular folks of all sizes and shapes.

For what it's worth, and I'm someone who's at the naturally fit/muscular end of the spectrum, I admire big people when I see them in the gym, since I'm aware it takes a certain amount of courage to come in. I doubt I'm alone in feeling that way.
posted by rodgerd at 8:33 PM on June 10

I belong to a regular gym and pay $20 a month for unlimited gym use and group classes. The sales associate who gave me my tour was not overly pushy, but I'd mostly made up my mind based on friend recommendations before I even walked in the door. I took the free session with a personal trainer to get acquainted with the weight machines, but I decided not to splurge on a training package.

For my first few visits, I tagged along with a friend who showed me how to use the cardio machines and helped me feel a little less self-conscious. It didn't take long for me to realize that no one was paying any attention to me.

People typically wear either shorts or yoga pants and tops that range from clingy UnderArmor, to tank tops, to t-shirts. If you decide to take a yoga class, beware of the big baggy t-shirt. Some poses will leave you half naked if you're not wearing a tank or camisole underneath your top.

Since I'm a cardio junkie, I'm going to recommend that you try a spinning class if they're available to you. Spinning is no impact, often done in a dark room, and you are entirely in control of the resistance on the bike and the degree of difficulty of your ride. I was surprised at how fast these classes erased most of my excess padding. If you try a class, bring a towel, a big bottle of water, and get there early so that the instructor can help you set up the bike.

Choose Curves only as a last resort. For most people, the circuit gets really old really fast, and there isn't much opportunity to continue to challenge yourself in that environment.

One last thing. In my twenties, I found it so much easier to stop eating than to make the effort to eat healthy. I regret it now as it has negatively affected my metabolism and the way I deal with food. These days, I try to use my "talent" for restriction as a tool for maintaining a healthy diet. I do better when I'm focused on my health and not my weight.

Best of luck!
posted by contrariwise at 8:52 PM on June 10

If your comfortable at Curves and you'll actually go, then join Curves. You can join a more full-scale gym when you're ready. Going is better than not going, even if Curves isn't the best long-term fitness solution.

That said, the downtown Norfolk Y is terrific. It's been ten years since I lived there, but i felt like there was a good mix of people and that it wasn't judgmental. Folks minding the own business and not prancing about.

Shorts/yoga pants and a t-shirt or tank top is fine.
posted by desuetude at 9:49 PM on June 10

Being made fun of is quite an understandable fear. If it helps, I've belonged to 6 different fitness centers over the past 22 years, and I have never seen anyone make fun of anybody due to their body type. You get all shapes and sizes, and everyone there is out to improve themselves in one way or another.

As regards the quality of Curves or any other gym, if your goal is mainly to lose weight, the equipment at the gym doesn't matter much. Just about any gym will do. Stick with your plan of finding one that makes you feel comfortable.

Regards
posted by lockedroomguy at 10:00 PM on June 10

Wherever you go, I think it's a pretty good idea to go with a partner or class, if you can. Working out with other people will help you stick with it, which is critical, and might even help you push a little harder than you would on your own.

The other benefit of a class or, even better if you can afford it, a personal trainer is that you'll get an idea of what to do much more quickly than if you just wander in by yourself. There's a lot of equipment in a gym, and some of it can be intimidating and/or useless. If you've got to soldier through it alone, I'd suggest starting with the treadmill and elliptical machines. The way those are used is more or less obvious, once you get around each machine's controls. Once you've gotten a hang of those, look up dumbbell exercises like the snatch, swing, and press.

About being judged by other people at the gym: Most people will be too busy working out to judge you. Also, they have their own insecurities about their bodies and about other things, and if you really wanted to, you could sit any one of them down and poke your own judgment at their weak spots and make them feel bad. Almost anyone can be judged and broken down in this manner. So keep in mind that everyone is just as vulnerable as you. Sometimes it's hard to accept, but they're not any better than you, and they're not to be feared.

Furthermore, you're quite strong for even going to the gym despite your fears. If someone is going to hate on you for doing this, as Teddy Roosevelt said, fuck 'em. They're not doing the fear-confonting.

It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

Oh, yeah, I'm also nthing the recommendations for going to a YMCA-type place. Around here, the Park District gyms and senior center gyms are dirt cheap and filled with completely non-intimidating people.
posted by ignignokt at 10:22 PM on June 10 [1 favorite]

I can ALWAYS tell who the new people are. ALWAYS. If its your first week in joining a gym after a LONG break, I'll be able to tell...and so will EVERYONE else. BUT...they are SUPER nice to this person (seriously...this NEVER happens in LA). If a person is trying to use a machine and can't for the life of them figure it out, people just stop and help them.

This is so true. I used to belong to a real bodybuilding gym. I joined purely because it was convenient to my house. There were a bunch of us who would show up and do our little workouts and then lots of people who spent ~hours~ every day at the gym and were like super-people. They were unfailingly nice and helpful and always willing to show you how to use machines or high-five you if you managed to do a pull up or whatever. I never once got hit on at that gym or felt lost about what to do, it was all business but in a good, fun way.

Real gym rats are evangelical about their exercise and like nothing better than encouraging a newbie. I learned how to weight train there and it's sooooooo helpful in staying in shape.

It's also your own attitude, you know. My roommate joined that gym with me but was a very competitive person and didn't like it because she wasn't the bestest athlete there and people weren't admiring her and she quit. I enjoyed the atmosphere and got a lot out of it.
posted by fshgrl at 11:52 PM on June 10

In my experience, people who go to the gym regularly are either 1.) in their own world and won't bother to judge you or 2.) very helpful and enjoy giving advice.

When I first started working out, I remember telling my friend I was embarrassed at the relatively low weights I was lifting, compared to all the big dudes around me. My friend said "what do you mean? that's your workout, man!" The point is, every single person in there has their own workout based on their individual strengths and weaknesses, so you have to do your thing. The fact that you're there at all puts you above most people.

If you're really worried about people judging you, you can use that as motivation in several ways. For example, gym people are accustomed to seeing new members come for a few weeks/months and then dwindle off. Resolve to not be one of those people. Also realize that, if anyone is bothering to take note of your weight now, they will also take note of the amazing changes you make over the next several months. That can be great motivation -- "you think I'm fat? well I'll show you!"

I've never tried any of those group-fitness classes so I can't say much about them. Since you're a bit nervous about going to a gym, you might not want to jump right into a group class where you'll be struggling to keep up with the people around you. Do your own individual workout and chances are nobody will pay much attention to you.

A personal trainer is great but can be expensive. If you don't get a personal trainer, I'd at least recommend getting a gym employee to show you how to use the machines and do most of the basic lifts (many gyms offer this for free or even require it of new members for safety purposes).

As an overweight person who has lost a lot of weight, may I recommend a few things:

1.) The elliptical is great for cardio -- it can give you an amazing workout but (in my experience) it is easier to maintain a stride than a treadmill, stair climber, rowing machine, etc. So I can have the endurance for a longer, steady workout.

2.) Look into Interval Training for your cardio work -- basically you do 1-2 minutes of high intensity work, then 1-2 minutes of low-intensity work, alternating between the two for the duration of your time on the elliptical (or whatever). This allows you to maintain your workout for much longer than simply sprinting, which would exhaust you in a few minutes. And your heart rate will stay fairly high during the low-intensity portions, so you're getting a much better workout than simply doing long duration at low intensity.

3.) Cardio is absolutely crucial, but I'm convinced that weight-training makes an enormous difference in fat loss. I've never lost weight doing cardio alone, but serious weight-lifting always seems to kick weight-loss into higher gear. Again, I'm a guy so I lift pretty intensively and don't mind bulking up--you may want to consult with a trainer for weight-training that fits with your goals, but please don't leave out this crucial piece of the puzzle.

As far as gym choice goes, I think a local YMCA is often the best choice -- usually cheaper than most gyms and more family-oriented, so more likely to have "regular" people. They vary though, so make sure the one near you has all the facilities you need, and try to visit during peak hours to see how crowded it gets.
posted by Alabaster at 2:49 AM on June 11

Nthing that there is generally a good variety of shapes and sizes at a gym, even when most patrons are college students, and that no one really seems to glare around and judge people. But since you have fears related to this, I'd recommend visiting lots of places and just seeing where you feel most at ease with the crowd.

I've always found large-ish t-shirts the most comfortable; a sports bra is a must, and you will see tons of women whose t-shirts are dry only in the bra region. It's not a big deal. Shorts are nice because they keep you cooler than pants, but make sure they won't ride up when you're doing cardio stuff or expose too much when you spread your legs to stretch. Depending on what the locker and gym access situation is like, you might find a small zippered pocket handy for a swipe card or your car key if you don't want to use the locker room. (In that case, I'd recommend biking there or putting a towel over your driver's seat if your car is nice.)

Often when you join a gym, you can get a free or cheap one-time consultation with a "trainer" (okay, these usually look like high-school boys to me) who will show you how to use all the equipment. Personally, I like going at off hours (after 10 pm, though it will vary, so you should ask) when there are fewer people, there's less waiting for the machines I want, and it's possible to just keep going on the elliptical as long as I feel like it*. But my body also likes to exercise late in the evening, which might not be the case for you.

*During busy hours, most places will have a 20- or 25-minute time limit and a waiting list for cardio machines. This is obnoxious.

I really recommend doing some resistance training -- I like free weights for arms and machines for legs. Feeling stronger is a great motivator, and even if your training is light it will reduce the loss of muscle mass as you lose weight.

Best wishes!
posted by ecsh at 5:09 AM on June 11

Another vote for the YMCA.

I'm also taking pilates and yoga classes and getting a lot out of them. They have really improved my posture, among other things.
posted by Melsky at 5:38 AM on June 11

Hello,

For whatever it's worth, when I first started going to the gym, I was really self conscious too, so I tihnk it's totally understandable. I mean, you're going into a giant room filled with all these really strange machines and incredibly fit people, and you're reading little placards they have attached to these strange contraptions, thinking "Wait, so you want me to sit on this strange vinyl covered seat, put my arms WHERE and do WHAT?" And all the while you're imagining these Arnold Schwarzenegger lookalikes thinking, "Come on, what is that newbie doing?! I need to use that machine, my lats are shrinking by the seconds!"

I think mostly, though, the people who are going to gyms are the people who want to improve their bodies in one way or another, so they are largely sympathetic to your own quest to improve your own body. Ire is generally reserved for people who leave sweat all over machines and grunters and that sort of thing.

If you're very very self conscious, another thing to consider is buying your own bench, some dumbbells, and a strength training book. They are not too expensive, and you could work out at home where nobody will judge you. The danger there is, of course, that you might not be as motivated and then you'll have all this workout stuff in your garage or something.

Also, WRT long contracts -- I used to be a Bally Total Fitness member, don't get sucked in.

Good luck!

CR
posted by Comrade_robot at 5:41 AM on June 11

Just go to a gym with nice equipment. People are there to work out, not judge everyone else, or even make small talk. Also, I would stay away from a gym where most of the other members are overweight. It would send the wrong message to your brain.
posted by delmoi at 5:58 AM on June 11

A few more things I thought of: Stretching (before and after is best, but anything's better than nothing) is important to prevent injuries. If you end up doing long workouts on the elliptical, you will likely need something to occupy your mind. Many gyms have televisions, either on each piece of equipment or hanging from the ceiling, with a headphone jack and channel selector on each cardio machine (kind of like an airplane). This works well in combo with an mp3 player since the selection is generally limited, but if you go without the mp3 player, a pocket is nice for stashing the headphones while you do strength training. There are armbands for mp3 players, but some people :) can't stand them. A friend of mine actually took her personal dvd player to the gym for cardio and said that watching Firefly was a good motivation/distraction. Reading is another option since most machines have some kind of ledge for a book or magazine, but watch out for nausea due to the combo with bouncing up and down.
posted by ecsh at 6:08 AM on June 11

Every gym I've been to or glanced into in the past 10 years has been stuffed so full of televisions that people zoning out and falling off is more likely than anyone looking at you with actual focused eyes. I am one of those pale translucent-skinned people who turn bright pink the moment I do something more strenuous than move a mouse, and at the gym I look like I'm about to die at any moment even though I feel totally fine, and nobody notices. I doubt anyone cares.

People are busy and they've got their own stuff going on. They need to get to work, or get home, or get done before the kids are out of basketball or swim class. There's a social contract in the gym that's not unlike some of your more polite public transportation - mind your own business, help if help is needed, assholes or crazy people will be ignored until they are unignorable and then they will be dealt with.
posted by Lyn Never at 7:35 AM on June 11

The clothing thing was a big barrier for me. Having never been very active, I didn't own any sweatpants or things like that, didn't even know where to buy such things, and didn't really want to ask any friends because I thought they would show too much interest in my sudden interest in physical activity. I eventually found some yoga/workout/something pants on clearance at Old Navy, started out with a self-defense class and then tagged along with a friend the first time I went to the gym proper. I think there's a psychological hurdle to jump there, but once you're over it, it's fine and after a while you start to realize that no one's paying much attention to anyone else.

(When I am feeling competitive and actually paying attention to people around me, I like walking at a steady pace around the track, because even when you're getting passed by runners, there will usually come a point where those runners stop and pant for a while, and you can pass them again.)
posted by srah at 7:35 AM on June 11

Re: konolia's comment... I've worked out at hospital-affiliated gyms in the past and they were very low-key, low-pressure, everybody-get-healthy places.

In my experience, people who go to the gym regularly are either 1.) in their own world and won't bother to judge you or 2.) very helpful and enjoy giving advice.

This has been completely true at every gym I've known, actually.

Re: group workouts/classes... You totally can do what you want. The group workout things are optional -- they can be fun for some people, and sometimes are helpful because they're scheduled ("ooh, I need to hurry to the gym or I'll be late for my spin class!").

Re: personal trainers... Some gyms include a certain number of personal training sessions each week as a part of the membership fee -- you just have to schedule the appointments with the trainers. I think it's a great perk. It can be very useful when you first start out to have someone teach you how to do weight machines correctly, for example, so as not to injure yourself.

Re: high pressure sales situations... Some gyms yes, some gyms no. I find it a useful barometer when auditioning gyms, actually -- if they hit me with high pressure sales tactics, then that's my cue to cross them off my list and move on to the next one.

Re: clothing... The main thing is to wear comfortable clothing (I tend to go for baggy tees and shorts or sweatpants, myself) and a supportive bra. (Whatever else you wear, please support the girls. Just because it says "Sports Bra" on the label doesn't mean it's getting the job done, especially if you're well-endowed. I'm pretty sure there are previous Ask Metafilter threads on this topic if you need more info.)

Also, one more vote for the Y: my mom recently started going and she LOVES it there. Good luck! :)
posted by somanyamys at 7:45 AM on June 11

What Comrade_robot said above is exactly, exactly right - judgment and scorn are reserved for those inconsiderate, holier-than-thou gym-goers that can't take the time to clean off their machines, turn up their TVs very loudly because they forgot headphones, chat on their cellphones while sitting on the weight bench, etc.

I realize you may be afraid you're going to do something that's secretly inconsiderate without realizing it, thus inviting exactly this kind of scorn - don't be. Unless you're exceptionally rude in real life (and the amount of consideration you've already put into this decision is a strong signal that you're not), you're not going to violate any unspoken gym rules. In fact, it'll probably take you about an hour to figure out who to be annoyed with and why - and it ain't the folks there to work out and improve themselves.
posted by brozek at 8:07 AM on June 11

You sound very, very much like me: the history of starvation and bingeing, the weight fluctuations, the fear of being seen working out (I used to get panic attacks en route to the gym). Making myself go to the gym regularly was hard, but it's probably one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

There is already a ton of solid advice here, so I'll just add what's helped me:

-Most gyms will gladly give you a tour of the facilities or offer you a free or cheap day pass. While looking around, go at peak hours (often the couple hours before and after work) so you can get an idea of how crowded it is and of the typical customer.
-The big fancy gyms with the hard-sell three-digit enrollment fee tend to have much nicer equipment and more classes, but in my experience they also tend to attract more of the size 2 yuppie girls in Lululemon that I feel really, really self-conscious around. Cheapo gyms offer a more relaxed environment, but they also offer things like grungy showers and the one treadmill in the corner that never gets fixed.
-If you get on a cardio machine that faces a wall or window, you get 20-30 blissful minutes of working out while getting to ignore everyone around you. Being focused on something, and not being able to see anyone else in the room, goes a really long way towards making you forget that anyone's even there.
-Supplement your gym-going with something at home if at all possible. Get some dumbbells, or a jump rope, or Dance Dance Revolution, or take a 30-minute brisk walk or do burpees, or whatever. You can just do your home workout once or twice a week, but it's important to have something in place as a backup plan in case you miss the gym one day or feel too intimidated to go.
-Don't weigh yourself, at least not for the first few weeks. Measure your success in adding the extra plate to the weight machine or the extra .2 mph to the treadmill, by the way you feel after your workout, by the fact that you made it there in the first place. If you're thinking about your workouts in terms of calories burned or pounds lost, you're at risk for developing a less-than-healthy attitude towards exercise.
-As far as what to wear, big baggy shirts are totally fine, and my preference. You might want to look in the men's workout-wear section of Target to find a good, larger shirt that wicks moisture; women's workout clothes, even the comfortable things, are often cut to be small and cute. A good sports bra is worth the investment; make sure you try it on first because the most supportive ones can run smaller than you expect. Bobbing along on the treadmill feeling like you've got two well-oiled grapefruits rolling around in your shirt is pretty awful. I personally wear Lycra shorts because they don't ride up or bag out, and I'm covered enough by my big baggy shirt. My second choice is a pair of baggy knit capris I found in the pajama department of Target.
-Get a gym buddy if you can; it helps if they're familiar with working out and can give you advice. It helps extra if they are willing to give you reassurance and/or asskicking as needed. I wouldn't have gotten nearly as far as I have without ignignokt as my workout partner.

Finally, I have to agree with Madamina: you need to untangle that knot of eating and weight issues. Working out can be a step in a healthy direction, or it can be a serious eating-disorder trigger. The "perverse satisfaction in denying" you mention sounds like it could be the start of something scary. Seek counseling, maybe consult a nutritionist, but don't end up Lucy at the Gym.

It's hard work, but at the same time it's also easier than you think. Good luck; I know you can do it.
posted by Metroid Baby at 8:08 AM on June 11

I'm a fat guy who goes to the gym regularly. Put simply:

1) Nobody cares. Yes, they know you're there to get in shape. In other news, people who see you at restaurants know you're there to eat.

2) Don't make it complicated. Pick one simple thing (say, treadmill), do it for half an hour, and leave. Repeat until you feel comfortable being there.

3) Go where the hot people are. It's inspiring. I used to work out at a gym with four rows of treadmills. The people in the best shape always used the ones at the front. Everyone else stayed motivated by their svelte asses. That's how gyms work; people look around and they see their own "after" pictures. Use it.

4) Pride is still your friend.
posted by bingo at 8:29 AM on June 11

Lots of good responses here but here's mine FWIW.

I had a different set of issues than you but I too felt very intimidated joining a gym. But Curves seemed the least intimidating and I wanted to try a gym, so I joined. I agree with a lot of what has been said here about Curves both good and bad but I think it is a perfect place for someone to begin.

You may not be able to imagine how a gym like Curves might become too easy for you (the machines do not have adjustable weights) but if you go regularly, you will find that you will get in shape and notice that at some point, the machines are too easy. That's the time to switch to a gym with variable weight machines, but until then, Curves is a very nice place to begin and having gone to Curves, the switch will be a lot less intimidating. I switched to a 'fitness center' after about a year.

At Curves, you can but you don't have to do the weighing and the measuring stuff at the beginning (just say no if you find that intimidating), it's all women, many of them middle age to older and very friendly.

Congratulations on getting to the point of wanting to get in shape! and good luck.
posted by bluesky43 at 8:30 AM on June 11

Since you mention you're in Tidewater I'll give the highest possible personal recommendation to Body and Soul Pilates. It's not a gym per se, but I can't say enough about the wonderful teachers there and the effects of Pilates on my overall strength and fitness. I currently work out there about 4 times per week. When I started there a year and a half ago I was not in the best shape and very intimidated by working out around others. I definitely relate to a lot of the issues you describe. But the teacher I work with there is so amazing, she put me at ease from about the first moment we met. She gets the whole body image thing, and she has this wise earth-motherly presence about her where it's impossible to feel awkward. You start with a package of personal sessions to learn how to use the machines and get comfortable. These are pricey but then you can move in to a group class which is cheaper. For me, the most important thing is that the whole experience is FUN and interesting and I am in a supportive environment. That makes it easy to stick to. I have never enjoyed going to a gym. As far as clothes go there is a wide range of what people wear, and there is a very wide range of fitness levels and body types at the studio as well. Anyway, email me if you would like the name of a good teacher to ask for, and other details I won't go into now. I could even mention to them to expect to hear from you (they are a very small family-owned studio.)
posted by eileen at 3:36 PM on June 11

Let me speak as one of those people you're worried about. I'm a well known asshole (though not here yet because I paid five bucks to answer this question), and if you were on the treadmill in front of me at my gym in Lincoln Park, Chicago, the Midwest's version of the land of the "Beautiful People", I'd probably go home and tell my friends about the "fat chick" that was on the treadmill in front of me. My friends would be amused, but I can't tell you how much respect you'd get from me. The moral of the story being that even the people you're worried about judging you aren't really doing so. So go where you want, wear what you want, and most people aren't even thinking about it, and those that are are probably not having the reaction that you think they are. Good luck with the new routine!
posted by moof! at 6:03 PM on June 11