Compulsive shopping

May 14, 2008 5:39 AM

Help me kick my compulsive shopping habit!

I've been aware for a while now that I had an issue with compulsive shopping: basically, buying stuff I don't really need. I haven't worried about it too much up until now because I make a very good salary, and I don't hoard stuff, so it doesn't cause an issue with having too much junk in my house. If I have too much of something, I give it to the the thrift store.

Rock bottom: This afternoon I found myself running around the house scraping up small change so that I could meet a friend for coffee. I make US $120,000 a year and have no credit card debt. I am ready and willing to change, but I don't know where to start. Ideas?

posted by different to work & money (25 comments total)

I teetered on the verge of becoming a compulsive shopper and I found that I immediately needed to make a change because I did NOT make a nice salary and I was finding clothes that still had tags on them, unopened boxes, etc, piling up in my closets. The best thing I found was that I immediately canceled all catalogs being sent to my house and I "banned" myself from doing any sort of online shopping. In order to curb the "it's a Saturday, I'm bored, I'm heading to the mall" I started volunteering at the a local after school/weekend program where I read to kids, took them to the park, etc. It was so much fun, but also pretty exhausting, so I wasn't as tempted to just dip in at the mall afterwards. I also changed my driving habit on my way home from work, so I no longer passed my favorite shopping center.

I made this an overnight thing, and it was pretty drastic, and I've since stopped with such a stop loss approach (I go shopping maybe once a week) but I also found that I am more responsible with time. Win-win.
posted by banannafish at 5:51 AM on May 14 [1 favorite]

Is most of this buying online, or out in shops? And are you using a credit card, or paying with cash? I find it much harder to impulse buy when I'm only using cash in the real world.

Though you have no debt from credit cards, check out these tips to avoid compulsive/impulse shopping from Consumer Credit Counseling Services.
posted by mdonley at 5:52 AM on May 14

It's mostly in shops, with cash. Occasionally online, but not very often.
posted by different at 5:59 AM on May 14

I am a bit of a complusive shopper. This is what I did to help: 2 bank accounts. 1 is for bills exclusively and I had the perfect amount of money set up to direct deposit to pay all bills. I had them all auto-withdrawl. I have no ATM card for this account. Then the rest is "fun money" and when it runs out, it runs out... food, shopping, whatever. I don't keep very good track of what is in there. (I do direct deposit for savings too.)

I'm not sure if not paying your bills is your problem though.
posted by k8t at 6:16 AM on May 14 [3 favorites]

Cut out bright-colored paper the size of money or credit cards, print messages to yourself like "DO I REALLY NEED THIS?" or "WHY AM I BUYING THIS" or "CONSUMPTION CAUSES GLOBAL WARMING" or whatever else motivates you on them and put them in your wallet, purse, pockets. Since I do most of my pointless buying online I put a sticker on my credit card with a question mark which at least makes me think twice before I hit enter and somehow the knowledge that the mark is there makes me less likely to shop in the first place.

More fundamentally, consider your mental or psychological state when you buy. I'm much more likely to fall victim to the illusions of "I'll be a more organized and productive person if I buy the new shiz-bang phone-pda-gps-whatever" or "I'd get in shape if I only had one of those..." or "everyone will think I'm cool if I wear...", etc when I'm a little depressed.

Of course, if you're in Amsterdam and shopping after going to coffee shops, none of this may help. :)
posted by RandlePatrickMcMurphy at 6:16 AM on May 14 [1 favorite]

RandlePatrickMcMurphy just made my night.

I have no suggestions, as I'm plagued by this "disorder", myself. Similarly, I don't overspend...I mean, there is no debt to contend with and I'm paying down my mortgage on schedule...but other than my designated savings deposits and my household budget, I have a tendency to spend my salary on impulsive *nothings* right down to the last yen.

Recently, I have tried asking myself: "what do I need this for?" as I wait in the register line, but it hasn't really stopped me as I'm awfully good at talking myself into apparent need. Logically, I know it's just retail therapy; what I can't seem to grasp is what would make me happier.

I'll keep checking this thread for ideas, though.
posted by squasha at 6:40 AM on May 14

I would suggest skimming a bunch of financial blogs, finding a few that resonate with you -- good writing, dealing with similar issues, etc -- and reading those few quite deeply. I'd start with Get Rich Slowly (because he is a MeFite and writes really nicely, and follow links outward from there. Most of the blogs I've looked at seem to be more about debt and investing, but really shopping is a major component -- certainly the author of GRS has grappled from the beginning with compulsive shopping. The issues are the same; you are just hitting "rock bottom" without going into debt.

The suggestions in books like Your Money or Your Life (and the related forums) may or may not resonate with you. Certainly pieces of that approach will work for anyone, whether or not the system in its entirety is a good fit. Keeping detailed, itemized, and categorized-to-the-penny records of your spending, for example, will help you see where exactly your money is going, and what the big picture really is.

There are a bunch of short-term things you can do (like freezing your credit cards in the freezer) that make spending more difficult, but don't really address the underlying issues. Those aren't bad things to do, but don't count on them in the long term.
posted by Forktine at 6:43 AM on May 14

I studied compulsive buying quite extensively in college (my major advisor is one of the premier researchers on the matter at this point, Randy Frost, look him up if you want!). Anyway. One strategy I took away from that experience of actually working with people suffering from compulsive acquisition was a "wait and see" strategy. If you see something you like, don't buy it RIGHT AWAY. Stop and think about it for a day or two (make this decision purposefully, tell yourself "If I still want this in ______ days, I can come back for it.") We saw positive results with this method. You're not alone. I'd definitely recommend googling Randy Frost, I think he has some articles online.
posted by Soulbee at 6:52 AM on May 14

Technical solution to social problem: Go to the Dollar store. You can buy all you want, indulge your jones, and it's only a buck per item.
posted by orthogonality at 6:59 AM on May 14

Figure out why you're buying stuff you don't need.

If you're shopping for fun, can you do other things that are fun? Take up a sport or hobby, read a library book, cook, go out with friends (yes, it costs money, but at least you aren't filling your house with crap), etc.

If you're particularly susceptible to advertising, try to limit your exposure - avoid magazines, watch TV on DVD or skip the commercials, etc.

If you just like the atmosphere of shopping - the nicely laid out product, clerks treating you politely, etc - try to make the rest of your life as aesthetically pleasing. Clean out your house, and make a project out of decorating it to look and feel awesome. Spend time and effort on yourself - exercise, grooming, dressing well. Basically put as much care into all aspects of your life as goes into setting up retail merchandising.

Also, make a budget, and try to stick to a savings goal. Try to put a certain amount in savings every month, and the rest is "fun" money. Limiting your fun money can actually increase your enjoyment of it - you can have the fun of planning your purchases and finding bargains to make the most out of a limited budget.
posted by Mr Bunnsy at 7:05 AM on May 14

For the interim, while you figure out a long-term plan, I've read that some people just keep buying whatever they want - and then force themselves to return it the next day. You get the fun rush of retail therapy but you don't get to actually keep the items.
posted by harperpitt at 7:32 AM on May 14

Limit the cash in your wallet and don't take your cards when you go shoppin. I used to be a bit impulsive but I shop online and I'm lazy, so if my wallet isn't in my pocket, I probably wont be arsed to go get it, that obstacle makes me think about whether I really want/need the item and usually the answer is 'no'
posted by missmagenta at 8:06 AM on May 14

I don't know that I ever rose to the level of compulsive when it came to shopping (except maybe for books....), but I've made it a habit, now, to wait a week when I've seen something I want. If I see some "irresistible" jacket or a bag in a store or online, I say to myself, Self, let's wait a week. In a week, if I still even remember I want it, I go back to the store or the website and look at it some more. Sometimes I buy it, but at least 8 times out of 10, I've fallen out of lust with whatever it is. If I still want it, I sometimes make myself wait another week. By then, I've almost always forgotten that I want it in the first place.
posted by rtha at 8:26 AM on May 14

I've kept myself from buying tons of stuff by simply writing what I want to buy on a list, and waiting a few days / weeks before making the purchase (similar to Soulbee's suggestion above). Some of this is psychologically justified as doing a through job "researching" a purchase. More often then not, after a little time has passed, I no longer "need" the thing I thought I did. I can still be a compulsive window shopper, but I actually buy very little. (on preview, what rtha said, too)
posted by alb at 8:33 AM on May 14

Electronic RPGs. Not MMORPGS, but stuff you play by yourself, like Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy. I know it's bizarre, but you earn money in the game by killing things. Then you spend it on weapons, accessories, and armor. I will spend hours earning gil, then blow it all in a massive spending spree.

Another option could be Second Life, where you buy clothes and shoes and whateverall. You do spend actual money, but it's a tiny fraction of the cost of real stuff. It's like playing dolls, pretty much. :)

I find that displacing my need to buy onto electronic avatars helps me cut it down or eliminate it completely.
posted by cereselle at 8:51 AM on May 14

I've had a compulsive shopping habit myself in the past, and I found that what's helped me get it somewhat under control (ie I still like shopping and probably buy more than I need but I don't feel compelled to do it all the time) was just STOPPING for a month or so. It gets you out of the habit, and at least in my case when I went back to my arch-nemesis Target after that period, I didn't have that same NEED to throw stuff in the cart and buy it all. Not buying anything other than groceries, etc: I know it seems simplistic but it's worked great for me and now when I do shop that guilt's not there because it's not a constant habit.
posted by supercoollady at 9:20 AM on May 14

I asked a distantly-related question a while back, though I did/do have the problems with clutter and overspending. I've kicked the compulsive shopping a bit. Here's what helped me:

-Getting a free hobby. Exercise is awesome for this. I work out five days a week now, and it eats up a lot of idle time and calms me down in a way that impulse buying (and overeating, and smoking) didn't quite do.
-Getting picky about what to buy. I used to buy a lot of things I didn't need, but now I shop with guidelines in mind (only my favorite brand of X, no shoes with higher than a 2" heel, etc.).
-Avoiding sources of shopping temptation. I no longer visit shopping or product-related websites on a regular basis, and I've started eating lunch at my desk instead of walking around downtown, which inevitably led me into a store.
-Spending time with people who don't enjoy shopping as much. If you start hanging out with someone who doesn't find shopping terribly interesting, you'll start to second-guess what you find interesting about it.
-Recognizing my spending habits and calling myself out on dumb ones. For the longest time, everytime I went to the store to buy something, I had to buy two things. Or if I heard about a new eyeshadow that was launching that week or a new sale, I had to be there the first day. Sometimes it helps just to tell myself: No, I don't have to do anything. I got along fine before I heard of whatever product's existence, I'll get along fine without it.
-Finally, although this probably will not apply to you, hitting a low point really helped me turn things around. For me, this was a combination of two things: finally being forced to face my credit card debt, and my impending move from an enormous apartment to a tiny one. The other evening, I was cleaning out my closets and had a mini-crisis of "what have I been doing with my life besides shopping?" Since you don't have the problems of debt and clutter that I have, this might not be something you'll encounter, and you may not have a come-to-Jesus moment like I did.

For me, it's been a gradual evolution rather than a cold-turkey approach, and I've found that cutting myself off of shopping is much more effective when I have other things to take its place. You can't change completely overnight, but you can change.

Hopefully some of this will help you. Good luck!
posted by Metroid Baby at 11:20 AM on May 14 [1 favorite]

I got in the habit of letting myself buy whatever I wanted - just not on the spot right then. Eg, if you're in a mall, shop for another hour and then come back for it. Or if you're going to be in the area again in a couple of days, get it then.

More often than not, if it's an impulse buy that I'll rapidly lose interest in, by the time it comes to buy it I'm already losing interest and when I weigh the acquisition against the effort of heading back to the store, I just don't care any more. But if it's a really good buy that will turn out to be money well spent in the long run, chances are I'll want to buy it more than when I first saw it, and be anticipating it.

So it's a filter that sorts the wheat from the chaff without involving willpower or effort.

(Side note: I stumbled into this method because I don't like carrying crap around while I shop, so I got in the habit of putting off the purchasing until I was done shopping and ready to go home. So that's an additional advantage).

If you get a fix from being in the checkout line, having the purchase rung up, swiping the card, etc, then this method probably won't help, as your habit is about spending, not buying.
posted by -harlequin- at 12:14 PM on May 14

For the longest time, everytime I went to the store to buy something, I had to buy two things

Heh, I have that same one, but working in my favour - I hate standing around in check-out lines like a zombie, so unless the store has more than one item that I want to buy, I generally can't be bothered with the checkout line unless it's a majorly worthwhile purchase. This saves a lot because it's pretty rare for me to find multiple things I like at one place.
posted by -harlequin- at 12:19 PM on May 14

I hope I'm not getting way off track here, but I have the same problem as you and I'm trying a bit of a different approach. I'm trying to make frugality and simplicity desirable things in my life. Kind of like a spiritual approach really, like reminding myself of the true things that really matter and not being blinded by the stupid things that I think matter, but don't.

Two things that have really helped me in the past with this ongoing struggle come to mind. The first is a now-defunct magazine published probably over ten years ago. It was called The Plain Reader and it was a magazine that was basically about the joy and beauty of simple living with essays written by Quakers and Amish people. Though the magazine is sadly no longer in existence, you can buy a The Plain Reader book of essays (used from $3.44!). I haven't read the book myself, but cannot say enough about the magazine that inspired it.

Second, this comment from metafilter's own Pastabagel was one of the best things I've read on here. It's part of a thread more about conspicuous consumption, so may not be diretcly related to what you are asking, but a really incredible comment on the illusions and traps of consumerism nonetheless.

I know for a fact that no matter how much I have, it will never seem like enough and that the more I have, the more I want. I try to remember this. Good luck.
posted by triggerfinger at 1:48 PM on May 14

I don't know whether or not online shopping is part of your problem, but one thing that really helped me was unsubscribing from all the shopping-related email lists I was on. If I don't know that my favorite local shoe store is having a sale, I'm less likely to go there, and so I'm less likely to try on some shoes, and so I'm less likely to buy them. Just removing my awareness of their availability was key for me.
posted by dizziest at 3:19 PM on May 14

I think that there's something to be said for your effort---congratulations. I have a hard time with capitalism...it doesn't make much sense to me. I've taken a lot of econ classes, and I got good grades and they were honors classes, but still some of it sort of eludes me. Pricing is something that baffles me. Anyway, I wanted to share a smidgen of lyrics from one of my favorite bands:
"Pick your battles carefully and
Don't waste money that'll speak for you.
It's the voice that speaks the loudest in this day and age.
They aren't worth the money that they earn
They don't deserve the money that they earn."

It is the truth that your loudest voice is your money. What you do with it reflects you as a person, your ideals, and what you think is important. Realize that money is the most realistic opportunity you have to be change in the world, and realize that there's always another option.

Want to do something fun? Take a vow of poverty, even if its just for a month. Give yourself $5 a day to survive outside of your gas and housing. Learn that you can do it and that all the bright flashy bullshit that you're tricked into buying is just so much fake fluff.

Things like designer clothes and brand names make me sick, honestly sick. It's when you realize that these people are saying "GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY", and you realize that you're actually doing it without a thought, that sort of see how ridiculous it actually is.
posted by TomMelee at 7:48 PM on May 14

I tend to do this as well, and there are a few approaches I've tried that seem to work.
--When I see something that I want, but know I don't need, I'll think of that Fight Club line: "The things you own end up owning you." This became more significant when I decided to live overseas for a couple of years, and had to pack up/sift through all the crap I'd accumulated over my life, either through compulsive shopping, "buying for the future" or not being willing to toss stuff.
--Try to reverse your thinking on the mechanics and rewards of shopping. Instead of being happy because you're getting this new thing, try to think "I'm not going to buy a single thing today" or "I'm only going to spend $10 today". Whether you have to connect that activity to accomplishing a goal or saving money or being able to stay in the pricier hotel on your next trip, if you can give yourself a motivation to do this it can be (albeit in a different way) as fun as buying, knowing you have the self-control to see something, like it, but not have to have it.
--In a question awhile back about compulsive eating, someone used a phrase that's continued to stick with me: "eating your emotions". I've noticed that at times I tend to "shop for my emotions"--buying something to assuage depression or disappointment or to reward myself as compensation for something that didn't go the way I wanted it to. Examining why you want to buy something, what is motivating your desire to have this thing, can be rather like cutting open the goose who lays the eggs--once you know that the thing you want to buy is desirable not because of its own qualities but because you're trying to satisfy something else, it can become less desirable.
posted by the luke parker fiasco at 9:14 PM on May 14

In the meantime - start a change bowl :)

I find it alarming that you have plenty of money and you don't have any emergency money (not even $10 or $20!!) stashed away anywhere! I have had some very lean times and some fat times but it's the first thing I do when I start to have money again. Okay, there's probably a name for what I do - but the principal behind it is sound. (Just various sensible amounts though. "There should be $50 in my..." is better than "Just take one of the fifties out of..." -for whatever reason you care to name.)
posted by mu~ha~ha~ha~har at 8:26 AM on May 15

I have a zero-sum policy on my belongings. Before I buy a shirt, for instance, I mentally go through my wardrobe and identify the shirt I'm willing to give to Goodwill in exchange for having this new shirt. If I find one, then I buy it and follow through. If I can't, then I leave the store. If I know I'm going to go shopping, I go through and select the things I don't want any more, and that becomes the basis for what I allow myself to buy. More often then not, this reminds of how much I like the things I do own, and I wind up not going shopping at all.
posted by snickerdoodle at 11:20 AM on May 15