Language-Related Equivalent of Empathy?

April 28, 2008 9:23 AM

Is there a word or a phrase, other than the too-broad "understand," for when a listener understands what someone else is trying to convey even when the speaker doesn't express it clearly and/or correctly?

For instance, if someone uses a double negative like "I ain't got none" or "I didn't hear nothing," we all understand what they mean, even though syntactically the sentences mean the opposite. Or, if someone misuses a common phrase, like the examples in this thread, we still know what they meant to say. Or, if someone is peppering their speech with lots of slang, we may not know exactly what each slang term means, but we can still get the gist of what they're saying.

I'm not looking for response-type phrases that mean "I understand what you're saying" (e.g. "I got ya," "I hear that," etc.)... I'm looking for a general term for the understanding itself.

The best way I can describe what I want is that I'm looking for the language-related equivalent of "empathy."

posted by amyms to writing & language (31 comments total)

Intuit?
posted by frobozz at 9:29 AM on April 28

I like "I hear what you're saying"
posted by xotis at 9:30 AM on April 28 [1 favorite]

grok
posted by jozxyqk at 9:33 AM on April 28 [4 favorites]

Yeah, I came in here to suggest "grok", too.
posted by notsnot at 9:35 AM on April 28

xotis, sorry, but that's exactly not what I'm looking for.

From my post: I'm not looking for response-type phrases that mean "I understand what you're saying" (e.g. "I got ya," "I hear that," etc.)... I'm looking for a general term for the understanding itself.
posted by amyms at 9:35 AM on April 28

"Get."

As in this exchange:

A: "Sorry, I know I'm being unclear."
B: "No, no, I get what you're saying."
posted by Tomorrowful at 9:36 AM on April 28

I think "intuit" or even "infer" is the correct answer here.
posted by sjuhawk31 at 9:38 AM on April 28

Comprehend.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:38 AM on April 28

intuit and grok are really good, but they're related to generalized understanding. Is there anything that's more specific to language and speech?
posted by amyms at 9:38 AM on April 28

"Get the gist of"
posted by Gungho at 9:38 AM on April 28

infer and comprehend are really good too, but they also apply to generalized understanding. I keep thinking there has to be something specifically related to understanding others' speech, but maybe there's not.
posted by amyms at 9:41 AM on April 28

robocop is bleeding: "Comprehend."
posted by pedmands at 9:42 AM on April 28

There's parsing, though it's not a word that comes up much outside of certain contexts.

Reading between the lines/letters?
posted by trig at 9:50 AM on April 28

As with most of the reverse-dictionary AskMe questions, the answer is that there doesn't seem to be a word for it (though it's hard to prove a global negative). Actually, there is probably a linguistic term of art, but nothing from plain English.

"Comprehend," "grok," etc. do not apply only to understanding something that's been poorly expressed.

You could use "decipher," "puzzle out," etc., but again, those aren't restricted to what you're talking about -- they could apply to a secret code or something. Why not just say "I figured out what they meant"?
posted by jejune at 9:53 AM on April 28 [1 favorite]

You're right, I should have read the details of your post more closely. I guess I'm not understanding the question. For me, when I say "I hear what you're saying" it doesn't imply that the speaker is expressing themselves correctly, but that I can comprehend the message they are getting across. I try to avoid the more dismissive "I hear ya" and try to be more direct and deliberate with the "I hear what you are saying" in such a situation to express empathy with the person communicating with me.
posted by xotis at 9:54 AM on April 28

I think you're right, jejune, there doesn't seem to be a word that specifically fits within my narrow definition, although there are lots of great words that mean "understanding" in general.

Thanks to everyone who answered so far. If you have any new ideas, keep 'em coming!

And thanks for that "grok" link, jozxyqk. What a great word! Even though, it wasn't exactly what I'm looking for, I'm going to add it to my vocabulary.

On preview: xotis, I'll try to be more clear: I'm not looking for a way to express understanding or empathy (e.g. saying "I hear what you're saying"), I'm looking for a word or phrase that is the equivalent of understanding or empathy (i.e. a synonym, but one that specifically relates to language and speech).
posted by amyms at 10:06 AM on April 28

Well, just to pick nits, "ain't got none" and "didn't hear nothing" are emphatic negatives in many informal modes of English that go beyond simple negation.

I'd say that what you mean is something like "infer from context." Human language is highly redundant on multiple levels, and in the actual give and take of conversation the speaker is reading body language to assess whether he or she is understood.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 10:07 AM on April 28

In Conversation Analysis we use the terms intersubjectivity/intersubjective understanding to refer to the alignment between a speaker and a hearer. Intersubjectivity can be empirically demonstrated in micro-analyses of conversation and doesn't only rely on looking at *what* is said, but in *how* people respond on a turn-by-turn basis. So "intersubjectivity" might be the term you're going for, but really, I think "understanding" covers it just as well, at least in English.
posted by DiscourseMarker at 10:09 AM on April 28 [1 favorite]

In discourse linguistics, the word implicature is used to mean things that are implied and understood but not explicitly said. For example, a former employer's reference letter than says mainly that someone "always came to work on time" is probably going to be understood on the receiving end as damning with faint praise.

If you browse through the glossary linked above, you'll also come across "indirect speech act," which is a term for situations, for example, in which a command is disguised as a question ("Could you put your resignation on my desk by the end of the day?"), in which a criticism is phrased as a compliment ("You're very brave to wear those shoes with that skirt."), etc.

Really, though, "understanding" is indeed the word you want. A very large part of human speech is made of something other than direct statements that we understand without a great deal of effort or without remarking upon the indirect way in which the thing was said. We rely heavily upon experience, context, and other factors to understand things such as euphemistic or figurative utterances, or, in the case you name, to properly interpret nonstandard or non-prestige language even though it may not conform to our ideas of good speech.

"I ain't got none" or "I didn't hear nothing," we all understand what they mean, even though syntactically the sentences mean the opposite.

This isn't necessarily true for English. Two negatives don't necessarily make a positive. That's a common misunderstanding. Instead, they often reinforce each other and the sentence as a whole remains negative, as in both of your examples. In statements like, "I'm not unhappy," it *can* mean that one is happy, but what it usually means is one is not unhappy *or* happy.
posted by Mo Nickels at 10:22 AM on April 28 [3 favorites]

DiscourseMarker, that's a very interesting answer, thanks!
posted by amyms at 10:23 AM on April 28

MoNickels, thanks for your amazing answer too!

And, to you and to KirkJobSluder, yes I know that double negatives are accepted as nonstandard constructions. I probably should have left them out of my examples.
posted by amyms at 10:27 AM on April 28

Glad to help! Here's classic article for intersubjectivity as used in CA: Emanuel A. Schegloff: "Repair After Next Turn: The Last Structurally Provided Defense of Intersubjectivity in Conversation." American Journal of Sociology 97:5 (1992), 1295-1345.
posted by DiscourseMarker at 10:34 AM on April 28

Ascertain
posted by Foam Pants at 11:18 AM on April 28

Apprehend 2. to grasp the meaning of; understand, esp. intuitively; perceive
posted by wilko at 12:56 PM on April 28

Many interesting "inkwell" words, but what to they convey that "Got it!" doesn't? If there's any doubt, say "I understand" and then mirror it back in a few words.
posted by KRS at 2:06 PM on April 28

Nthing "get" and "grok."
posted by desuetude at 3:16 PM on April 28

Do the kids today get grok, or are we dating ourselves here?
posted by desuetude at 3:17 PM on April 28

I have no idea what "grok" means.

I would say "I follow you" or "I follow what you're saying".
posted by fantasticninety at 3:53 PM on April 28

Do the kids today get grok, or are we dating ourselves here?

A baby boomer explained grok to me, so yes to both your questions. :)
posted by salvia at 10:34 PM on April 28

Many interesting "inkwell" words, but what to they convey that "Got it!" doesn't? If there's any doubt, say "I understand" and then mirror it back in a few words.

You need to reread the poster's question and follow-ups. What is NOT being looked for is synonyms for "to understand," but terms to describe the phenomenon of understanding despite insufficient or irregular communication.
posted by Mo Nickels at 3:16 PM on April 29

Do the kids today get grok, or are we dating ourselves here?

A baby boomer explained grok to me, so yes to both your questions. :)

I'm only 34. Don't the kids discover Heinlein as teenagers anymore?
posted by desuetude at 3:45 PM on April 29