naked man

April 16, 2008 6:34 PM

Naked male neighbor strutting his stuff in plain view. What should I do?

Two weeks ago while eating dinner in our front room we noticed out our LARGE front window that the middle-aged neighbor across the street was standing naked in his window. We laughed. He noticed us laughing and proceeded to strut his stuff all around his house. It was after dark, so we could clearly see things.

We turned off our lights, thinking that might deter him, but no, he turned on the porch light and strutted his naked self all around his front porch. This made it turn from funny to gross and disturbing.

Tonight, he again stood naked in front of a window in his home while we were eating dinner (thus we were in the front room, able to view him through our huge front window). I was the only one home and semi-creeped out so I quickly shut the windows and blinds. He promptly turned off his lights.

He is probably 40 with a wife/girlfriend and very young child. Everyone in my house is 21 and female and have not given him any reason to strut his stuff.

I see the possibility of a trend. Any thoughts from the hive on actions to take, if any?

posted by Etta Hollis to human relations (48 comments total)

Cops.
posted by aramaic at 6:38 PM on April 16, 2008

Confront him gently, as if he didn't mean to be a flasher. If that doesn't work, and you find him on the porch again? Pictures. Internet.

(Caveat: I have no knowledge of any laws or local ordinances that would make it illegal to take the pictures if he is in fact outside in public view, but there might be some, in which case don't.)
posted by Countess Elena at 6:41 PM on April 16, 2008

Seconding calling the police. Do NOT confront him personally. Regardless of whether he's dangerous or not, a personal confrontation will just give him the negative attention/reaction he craves.
posted by amyms at 6:48 PM on April 16, 2008 [5 favorites]

The cops are not a bad idea, especially since there were multiple witnesses on the first occasion. He's harassing you. They won't come arrest him, but they will come talk to him. Given his family (and his evident guilt--shutting off the lights), it seems unlikely he would persist past a visit by a few officers.
posted by owhydididoit at 6:49 PM on April 16, 2008

Pictures, then cops.
posted by Rykey at 6:50 PM on April 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

If the guy seemed like J. Random Nudist, I'd say talk to him and ask him to keep his blinds closed while he's naked. But this guy seems to be doing it for your "benefit," which veers way off into creepy, potentially illegal territory.
posted by indyz at 6:50 PM on April 16, 2008

Since most posts said to inform the cops, I just called and let them know. Apparently this is NOT the first complaint. He's done this in the past. So yay for not being the first snarkey person.
posted by Etta Hollis at 6:52 PM on April 16, 2008

Cops, then paintball gun.
posted by 1 at 6:52 PM on April 16, 2008 [10 favorites]

Youtube, then cops.
posted by SPrintF at 6:54 PM on April 16, 2008 [3 favorites]

i would call the cops. he knows what he's doing.
posted by thinkingwoman at 6:56 PM on April 16, 2008

As much as I support it, don't take photos. It might be exactly the kind of attention he's looking for, plus it's bound to lead to problems. Aren't there enough ugly naked people on the internet?
posted by travosaurus at 6:58 PM on April 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

Point at the lower half of his body and laugh uncontrollably.
posted by blue_beetle at 7:12 PM on April 16, 2008 [5 favorites]

Seconding calling the police. Do NOT confront him personally. Regardless of whether he's dangerous or not, a personal confrontation will just give him the negative attention/reaction he craves.
posted by amyms

Let me put that in my own words:
Seconding calling the police. Do NOT confront him personally. Regardless of whether he's dangerous or not, a personal confrontation will just give him the negative attention/reaction he craves.

Or, it could be put this way, perhaps:
Seconding calling the police. Do NOT confront him personally. Regardless of whether he's dangerous or not, a personal confrontation will just give him the negative attention/reaction he craves.

Talking to him, "reasoning" with him, etc, are all mistakes on a grand level. Not because we iz all a-scared of teh nekkid OMG!!!! but because he is engaging in patently inappropriate, and probably illegal, behavior. Male anatomy lessons for the neighborhood kids are best left to their parents to teach, not a random naked guy parading around.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 7:15 PM on April 16, 2008

It's good that you called the cops. You should document both previous incidents as you have here and that you've called them. Then forget about it - unless he does it again. Then document some more, and call them again. Basically, he's a perv, and you want to keep track of his perving so that if he doesn't stop, you can point to your documentation and say, "Listen, cop-people, he's done this X times already AND you said I wasn't the first person to complain. Do something!" Document, document, document.
posted by bettafish at 7:20 PM on April 16, 2008

have not given him any reason to strut his stuff

Not that it justifies what he's doing, and not that you shouldn't call the cops, etc., but seeing a group of 21-year old females watching him and acting amused (laughing) probably does constitute a good reason to "strut his stuff" from his point of view.
posted by dixie flatline at 7:25 PM on April 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

Cops.
Confront him...
Pictures. Internet.

What? Put up curtains if you don't want to see into other people's houses. Unless he is in public, he has every right to be naked, and you shouldn't take it personally.
posted by mdn at 7:26 PM on April 16, 2008 [5 favorites]

seeing a group of 21-year old females watching him and acting amused (laughing) probably does constitute a good reason to "strut his stuff" from his point of view

which is why we turned off the lights the first time (and closed the blinds once he went onto his porch) because we realized we were only perpetuating his show.

Put up curtains if you don't want to see into other people's houses.
we have curtains. but I have free reign in my own house and shouldn't have to close my blinds every time he does this. i walk around naked in my house, but not up against the windows or on the front porch.
posted by Etta Hollis at 7:31 PM on April 16, 2008

I would do as you did the second time, pointedly close the drapes and refuse to give him any attention. It sounds like you got your message across when you did that last time. If you refuse to participate in his little game, it should go away.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 7:32 PM on April 16, 2008

mdn, I often agree with you, but did you miss this?: he turned on the porch light and strutted his naked self all around his front porch.

That's pushing it a little. Naked around the house is one thing, dancing around on your porch is another. He's "showing off," not just enjoying being naked in his own home.

This makes me think of American Beauty.
posted by exlotuseater at 7:44 PM on April 16, 2008

Would the world end if you just, you know, ignored him entirely?
posted by thparkth at 8:00 PM on April 16, 2008 [2 favorites]

mdn, I often agree with you, but did you miss this?: he turned on the porch light and strutted his naked self all around his front porch.

yeah, maybe, I dunno, I still feel like people here are overreacting a bit. Just get translucent style curtains that let some light in without giving you a direct view of the inside of your neighbor's houses, if you really don't like closing blinds. I don't have neighbors who walk around naked, but I generally close my curtains once it gets dark because I don't really like having to watch them sit around and drink beer and change the channel or whatever. It's simpler to control what you watch than to try to control what other people do, basically.
posted by mdn at 8:15 PM on April 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

I assume (and maybe wrongly, but I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts on this one) that you don't live on some abandoned road in the middle of nowhere and your house is the only one facing his, and vice-versa.

Have you talked to any of your neighbors about this? Pure speculation on my part, but I'm guessing that people offended by wang-waggling are going to have numbers over those that prefer to waggle their naughty bits in public.

That, and be sure to check the sex-offender registry (where it's optional) if you can.
posted by Ufez Jones at 8:18 PM on April 16, 2008

indecent exposure

Revealing one's genitals under circumstances likely to offend others. Exposure is indecent under the law whenever a reasonable person would or should know that his act may be seen by others--for example, in a public place or through an open window--and that it is likely to cause affront or alarm. Indecent exposure is considered a misdemeanor in most states.

From here.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 8:22 PM on April 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

An important question: how far is it from your window to his house? How many feet across the street? If he's really close, and hard not to notice from far away, then that's a different situation if you have to work to pick him out. If this ever blows up into legal issues, the distance and visibility would definitely be a factor.
posted by zardoz at 8:35 PM on April 16, 2008

we live in a typical neighborhood and his house is directly across the street from ours. we both have small front yards, and we can see ALL his bits without straining.
posted by Etta Hollis at 8:51 PM on April 16, 2008

It's not like Etta Holls is peeping on the guy, the dude is clearly an exhibitionist pervert who gets his yahoos by making other people uncomfortable. As said before, calling the cops was good. Documenting is also good. Calling the cops if it happens again, well that's good too.

Don't give him any negative or positive attention directly (encouraging), and don't take pictures (illegal). If it continues to happen and the cops don't do anything, than make it very clear that you'll kick his ass. You owe the women and children in the neighborhood that much.
posted by doppleradar at 9:07 PM on April 16, 2008

Everyone in my house is 21 and female and have not given him any reason to strut his stuff.

That's both funny and sweet. I want to be your neighbor. I promise to stay dressed.

What others have said: if you can turn it into embarassing for him (YouTube with title like "fat naked idiot", pointing and laughing, etc.) that might be the most "just" result, but calling the police would probably solve the whole thing more easily and quietly and without as many potential spinoff problems. The police will show up one day when they're not busy, have a 2 minute talk with him, and it'll be over.

Note that if you choose the YouTube route, do NOT film him inside his house, or you could be legally exposed* for invasion of privacy.

*pardon the pun
posted by rokusan at 9:19 PM on April 16, 2008

It's not like Etta Holls is peeping on the guy, the dude is clearly an exhibitionist pervert who gets his yahoos by making other people uncomfortable. As said before, calling the cops was good.

Fair enough, seems like it's the neighborhood norm, so it all worked out.
Maybe living in a crowded city just makes me more prone to privatize my own space after dark as a matter of course, and consider other people's weird behavior, no matter how unpleasant I personally might find it, their own business if it's in their house (in a NYC apt the difference between intent & accident is less obvious - the bedroom might be the living room...)
posted by mdn at 9:23 PM on April 16, 2008

don't take pictures (illegal).

Probably not illegal. As long as photos are taken from your own property or public property (i.e. you are not trespassing) you can usually photograph anything. How do you think all those pictures get into the tabloids?

I have no opinion about whether you should take pictures, just sayin.'
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 9:24 PM on April 16, 2008

Me, once I noticed (which might take a while), I would shut the curtains and ignore. It would not occur to me to call the cops. But I live in a crowded neighborhood (Castro in SF) where nudity is not uncommon. My friends up the hill, a gay (male) couple, have a guy across the street who regularly masturbates in his window. My friends think it's gross and skanky, but they just ignore. Here if you called the police they would be somewhere between bemused and can't-you-see-I-have-a-lot-of-work-to-do and whaddya-want-me-to-do-about-it irritated.
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 9:36 PM on April 16, 2008

cops
cops again
if it continues, maybe get a male friend to do you a favor and take a photo from the public street to document.
talk to neighbors, witnesses, document
cops
if it still continues, try the local paper or news station, evidence of public view thats documented would probably get them interested and cops more involved plus makes it a problem for neighbor perv. Eventually it will be too risky/costly for him to continue.
I'd only do the above if it has or does become something you cant ignore or makes you seriously uncomfortable. Cant see how it wouldnt classify as indecent exposure then.

otherwise maybe a note asking to tone it down (stop) for your and neighbors sake.

if it's really bothering you to point of changing your own in-home behavior/home enjoyment then I'd leave it to the authorities.
posted by clanger at 9:46 PM on April 16, 2008

Unless he is in public, he has every right to be naked

He was on the porch. Isn't that considered public?
posted by owhydididoit at 10:17 PM on April 16, 2008

While I'm not sure what state/country you're in, here are some thoughts from a Australian/NSW perspective;

Such behaviour would likely come under the Summary Offences Act (I'm sure your jurisdiction would have a similar piece(s) of legislation), which deals with offences against the public order.

Basically any behaviour which is lewd, offensive, indecent and c. and has occurred in, near, within view of, or even within hearing of a public place can be punished. So while your 'friend' on his front porch maybe, ostensibly, on private property, owing to the fact that his behaviour can be seen from public spaces makes him, effectively, in public.

As an example, for cases of 'obscene exposure' (a willful exposure of one's person (read: penis)) the punishment can be a fine, or imprisonment of up to 6 months.

So, one should call the police. However keep in mind that summary offences, like much of criminal law, seem to be highly discretionary. In others words, the police may not come, and if they do they may simply tell him to get dressed. However, I'm sure your local media would love to hear about the police that refuse to come to the aid of the beautiful ladies victimized by the depraved stalker (which exposes another aspect of summary offences; they are highly politicized, and respond very much to political pressure.)
posted by oxford blue at 10:21 PM on April 16, 2008

Could someone mention it to his wife/girlfriend? Is she the mother of the child? Maybe mention that it could be humiliating for the kid to be known as the one with they pervy dad?
posted by Salamandrous at 12:23 AM on April 17, 2008

Ignore him. He craves attention.

If he was wondering around inside his own house naked, that would be one thing - even if he did have the curtains open. If he'd come out at 6AM to get his newspaper off the doorstep, that would be one thing, too. Coming out onto his porch and making a point of wiggling his bits at you is another thing entirely. Making a point of getting your attention (and I think it's quite obvious that that is what he wants) is the creepy thing. Just ignoring him will take away what he wants.

I don't say this to be snarky, but why are you looking in through his window in the first instance? Glancing across is one thing, at least 2 of you standing in the window making a point of looking at him and laughing is quite another. You might have seen something you didn't want to see, but nobody forced you to stand there looking at it.
posted by Solomon at 4:30 AM on April 17, 2008

If he is repeating this knowing you are watching he is getting off on it. Creepy. You should call the cops, but since he is your neighbor you may want to consider warning him first, "the next time you expose yourself to us we are calling the police."
posted by caddis at 5:29 AM on April 17, 2008

move.
posted by watercarrier at 8:28 AM on April 17, 2008

Well, you reported him to the police.

My evil snarky side suggests that you get some black paint and paint a bar across his window at the, er, proper height. But that's evil and snarky and probably a bad idea.
posted by mephron at 8:54 AM on April 17, 2008

Unless he is in public, he has every right to be naked

He was on the porch. Isn't that considered public?

I think of public as when a flasher confronts you in a park - when someone exposes himself as if to threaten you, crossing your path in a mutual space. If he's on his own property I would generally stay away from making a fuss about it, although if it were daytime & they were close neighbors & he's out on the front lawn, I can see how that rule becomes useless. But I guess this is why I'm a bit hesitant to embrace the suburbs in general. It's semi-private property - private in terms of who owns it but public in terms of who sees it and is affected by it (your lawn care, how you decorate your porch, what you do in your yard etc).

In the city we accept there is crazy shit going on all over and we close our own curtains if we don't want to see it; in the country everyone moves far enough from one another not to be a bother, and an exhibitionist would have to trespass to get his yahoos. But as I said, clearly the norms in the neighborhood where this took place are for a certain amount of community policing on the matter, so the poster took the right action for where she lives.
posted by mdn at 9:09 AM on April 17, 2008

mdn: In the city we accept there is crazy shit going on all over and we close our own curtains if we don't want to see it; in the country everyone moves far enough from one another not to be a bother, and an exhibitionist would have to trespass to get his yahoos.

Ha. I lived in Boston for years, and if a guy across from me had strutted naked in front of a window for all the world to see, not to mention exposed himself repeatedly to young women for the sake of his own perverted pleasure, I would've had to decide whether to phone in what would probably be the hundredth complaint to the police or get in line behind a dozen guys to try to kick his ass. And the police probably already would've been there telling him to shut his goddamned window.

The city's the city, boundaries are clearly defined, yes, but because of that, people know what to do, and they goddamned well do it. If I made a bit of noise in my apartment, people put up and shut up, but if I'd tried to use power tools or something, they would've been on my ass in a second; they know where that privacy line is, and they make sure you don't cross it. Living in the city makes you used to that line-- nobody I knew in Boston would've asked this question, since they'd have been busy talking to the police already-- and "guy flashing women through his picture window" crosses the line, goes down the street, hops the bus to 15th and Beacon and takes a steaming shit.
posted by Viomeda at 9:40 AM on April 17, 2008

well, boston's not really a city :).

I dunno, I'm just trying to make sense of people's responses to what seems to me clearly a "close your own curtains" moment. I cannot imagine people in NYC getting up in arms about something like this. At most it would be your jokey, oh look it's naked guy, story. If it bugged you it would be time to close the curtains. It's different if you're confronted in a mutual space, but when you're the one looking into their space, even if they are trying to get you to do it, want you to do it, I still don't see why you don't just NOT LOOK.

But, I am trying to respect everyone's personal boundaries on this, and I realize I was also raised by hippies so don't really find nudity all that big a deal to begin with, so may just not be appreciating the level of disgust or fear this induces. To me it would be somewhere along the gradient of watching someone pick their nose and spit or something. Yeah, I'd rather not, but I'm not gonna call the cops about it.
posted by mdn at 10:24 AM on April 17, 2008

As much as I hate advocating this against another man, the answer is extremely simple:

1. Point.
2. Double-over laughing hysterically.
3. Rinse and repeat.

Phrased jokingly but meant seriously; I can't think of a more ego-deflating moment for a man, exhibitionist or not.
posted by WCityMike at 10:54 AM on April 17, 2008

Er, modification: 1. Point. Point very specifically.
posted by WCityMike at 10:57 AM on April 17, 2008

All of your housemates can pitch in and buy him a nice bathrobe.
posted by Sara Anne at 11:21 AM on April 17, 2008

You have multiple witnesses, and I think this guy is a candidate for conviction and placement on the sex offender registry if he isn't on it already.
posted by crunch buttsteak at 2:32 PM on April 17, 2008

When I was 12, my across the street neighbor, a 70 year old man, used to do that, and masturbate near his open window. A few years later, he broke into my house so he would be waiting for me when I got home (alone) from school. We later discovered he was a known pedophile with a record a mile long. He later raped a 6 year old he was babysitting, and went to prison. At age 95, he was arrested for like the 10th time for sodomizing girls under ten. Megan's Law didn't do shit. Theodore Sypnier. Look him up.

Take this seriously.
posted by Riverine at 6:55 PM on April 17, 2008

I agree with Riverine, this is serious stuff and if the cops are not taking it seriously you should push them very hard. Tell them you want to press charges. If they ignore you, call the prosecutor's office. You can also escalate things by putting signs in his yard saying things like "pervert lives here" "home of the man with the world's smallest penis and he wants you to see it" "child molester lives here" etc. The signs might be the catalyst which causes him to bitch or get others involved and thus get the police more interested. It could also get you into minor trouble but I think in the end given his behavior he will pay much more. Whatever, do not ignore this. It is potentially dangerous. It is definitely illegal. Don't let the cops blow off a blatant crime which is repeated again and again.
posted by caddis at 7:09 PM on April 17, 2008

so has he stopped doing it now?
posted by browolf at 4:45 AM on April 26, 2008