For my Robo-Love

February 14, 2008 6:33 AM

I need something cheeky and robot inspired to write in my S.O.'s card today!

The running joke in our house is that my boyfriend is a robot because he's not too expressive. To that end, I purchased a blank card with a lovely little robot on the front for my love for V-day, and I'd like to put something clever and robot related inside. We're not too big on celebrating Valentine's day, so it doesn't have to be overly sensitive. The only idea I have so far is to write in blocky, digital looking letters. I'm hoping the hive mind might be more inspired!

posted by rinosaur to writing & language (26 comments total)

Love.

Does Not Compute.
posted by brautigan at 6:44 AM on February 14, 2008

You. Are. A. Love. Machine.
posted by brautigan at 6:46 AM on February 14, 2008

Transcribe the lyrics from the Polecats' "Make a Circuit with Me."
posted by adamrice at 6:49 AM on February 14, 2008 [3 favorites]

Some Robots are red
Some Robots are blue
But one special Robot
Melts my CPU

(OK, I'm done now)
posted by brautigan at 6:51 AM on February 14, 2008 [7 favorites]

"You're a feisty little one, but you'll soon learn some respect. I have need for you on the master's sail barge and I think you'll fill in nice."

Could make for an interesting night.
posted by bondcliff at 6:56 AM on February 14, 2008

Android, android, burning bright,
In the motherboard of night,
I'd gladly google, kiss and suck,
Up and down your steely Linux...

Apologies.
posted by Dizzy at 6:58 AM on February 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

10 REM VD DAY 2008
20 PRINT "INSERT SAPPY MESSAGE HERE"
30 GOTO 20
posted by damn dirty ape at 6:59 AM on February 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

A take on the laws of robotics:

1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
4. Boning.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 7:00 AM on February 14, 2008 [2 favorites]

Interface with fleshy carbon unit? [Y/N]
posted by kaseijin at 7:05 AM on February 14, 2008 [2 favorites]

Some Robot Mini Valentines. The sayings aren't particularly witty but endearing. I'm fond of "you've downloaded my heart".
posted by kitkatcathy at 7:08 AM on February 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

Robot Poetry may be of some help.
posted by fidelity at 7:13 AM on February 14, 2008

Is he a lover of comics? Some of Aaron Stack's dialogue from Nextwave might work...("lick my blinky diodes", etc)
posted by LN at 7:18 AM on February 14, 2008

KILL ALL HUMANS

(EXCEPT YOU)
posted by brain cloud at 7:21 AM on February 14, 2008

Cue Bender: Hey sexy robot-mama, want to help me kill all humans?
posted by aramaic at 7:22 AM on February 14, 2008

(and yes, I know you were referring to a boyfriend)
posted by aramaic at 7:23 AM on February 14, 2008

Isn't this what Diesel Sweeties is for?
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:26 AM on February 14, 2008

Why not fill it entirely with binary code?

0000001000000110010101100101011100001001010110
0101011101010100101011001010111010000000101010
0000000010101000001010110000100101011001010111
0101010010100010101110100010101110100000001010
110101000000010101000000000 ... and so on

posted by Elsa at 7:29 AM on February 14, 2008

Something Awful Star Wars valentines have some droid ones:

What I really need is a droid that speaks the binary language ... of love
YOU'VE got the droids I'm looking for
You R2 Good to me!
I am fluent in over 6 million forms of communication. If only I could speak the language of your heart!
posted by Comrade_robot at 7:39 AM on February 14, 2008

A la AWESOME-O: You don't come in a... Pleasure Bot model, do you?
posted by gramcracker at 7:40 AM on February 14, 2008

James Brown for the win:

Fellas, I'm ready to get up and do my thing (yeah go ahead!)
I wanta get into it, man, you know (go ahead!)
Like a, like a sex machine, man, (yeah go ahead!)
Movin' and doin' it, you know
Can I count it off? (Go ahead)

One, two, three, four!

Get up, (get on up)
Get up, (get on up)
Stay on the scene, (get on up), like a sex machine, (get on up)

Get up, (get on up)
Get up, (get on up)
Stay on the scene, (get on up), like a sex machine, (get on up)

Get up, (get on up)
Stay on the scene, (get on up), like a sex machine, (get on up)

Wait a minute!
Shake your arm, then use your form
Stay on the scene like a sex machine
You got to have the feeling sure as you're born
Get it together, right on, right on.

Get up, (get on up)
Get up, (get on up)
Get up, (get on up)

Hah!

Get up, (get on up)
Get up, (get on up)
Get up, (get on up)
Get up, (get on up)

You said, you said you got the,
You said the feeling,
You said the feeling you got to get
You give me the fever 'n' a cold sweat.
The way i like, it is the way it is,
I got mine 'n' don't worry 'bout his

Get up, (get on up)
Stay on the scene, (get on up), like a sex machine, (get on up)
Get up, (get on up)
Get up, (get on up)

Bobby! Should I take 'em to the bridge?
(Go Ahead!)
Take 'em on to the bridge!
(Take em to the bridge!)
Should I take 'em to the bridge?
(Yeah!)
Take 'em to the bridge?
(Go Ahead!)
Hit me now!

Come on!

Stay on the scene, like a sex machine!
The way I like it is, is the way it is
I got mine, (dig it!), he got his

Stay on the scene, like a lovin' machine
Stay on the scene, like a lovin' machine
Stay on the scene

I wanna count it off one more time now
(Go ahead!)
You wanna hear it like it did on the top fellas?
(Yeah!)
Hear it like it did on the top?
(Yeah!)
Hit it now!

Get on up, (get on up)
Get up, (get on up)
Get up, (get on up)
Get on up, (get on up)

Stay on the scene, (get on up), like a lovin' machine, (get on up)
Get up, (get on up)

Taste, (get on up)
Bein', (get on up)
Taste, (get on up)
Bein', (get on up)

Get up, (get on up)
Get up, (get on up)
Stay on the scene, (get on up), like a sex machine, (get on up)

You gotta have the feelin, (get on up)
Sure as you're born, (get on up)

Get it together, right on, right on
right on, right on, (right on, right on)
right on, right on, (right on, right on)
right on, right on, (right on, right on)

Get up, (get on up)
Get up, (get on up)

And then, shake your money maker,
Shake your money maker,
Shake your money maker,
Shake your money maker,
Shake your money maker,
Shake your money maker,
Shake your money maker

Get up, (get on up)
Get up, (get on up)
Get up, (get on up)
Get up, (get on up)
Get up, (get on up)

Huh!

Get up, (get on up)
Get up, (get on up)
Get up, (get on up)

Can we hit it like we did one more time, from the top
Can we hit like that one more time
(One more time!)
One more time!
Let's hit it and quit! (Go ahead!)
Can we hit it and quit? (Yeah!)
Can we hit it and quit? (Yeah!)
Can we hit it and quit? (Yeah!)
Hit it!

-- "Sex Machine"
posted by kindall at 7:55 AM on February 14, 2008

I like Admiral Haddock's suggestion.

Can you draw? If you can, you could draw a picture of a male and female USB ports (or IEEE1394 or cat5 or whatever) and write "LET'S INTERFACE" or "INTERCONNECT WITH ME" or something dorky like that.

That, or something along the lines of any of Robot from LIS's rants.

DESTROY! CRUSH! DESTROY ROBINSON BEDFRAME!
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:11 AM on February 14, 2008

"Looking forward to the robot uprising tonight"
posted by mikepop at 9:07 AM on February 14, 2008 [3 favorites]

"Darling Sweetheart
You are my avid fellow feeling. My affection curiously clings to your passionate wish. My liking yearns for your heart. You are my wistful sympathy: my tender liking.
Yours beautifully
M. U. C."

-A poem composed by a computer program in 1952; from here.

(I used this on Valentines for friends several years ago to good reviews, but now wish I had saved it for my current Tender Liking, who would totally get it.)
posted by hilatron at 9:57 AM on February 14, 2008 [2 favorites]

In the animated movie Heavy Metal, a robot begs a woman to marry him after a session of great sex. She, a Brooklyn-accented secretary, says, "Aw, honey, mixed marriages never work. I'd come home some night to find you screwing the toaster."

So you could write, "To my own robot, who has never yet screwed the toaster."

But it will only work if your robot has seen, and remembers, Heavy Metal.

Go for broke.
posted by orange swan at 10:35 AM on February 14, 2008

What about the cheekiest of Bender quotes:

"Bite my shiny metal ass!"
posted by roger ackroyd at 11:18 AM on February 14, 2008

You autocomplete me? [via Diesel Sweeties, obvs]
posted by sleeping bear at 8:56 PM on February 14, 2008