Pleasing yourself

January 29, 2008 5:36 AM

Do women have different phrases to describe the act of masturbation?

Men seem to have no shortage of them, from watching American television, but I was wondering if women had such a diverse vocabulary on that topic as well. Come on ladies—spill!

(Or not—totally upto you:))

posted by hadjiboy to grab bag (34 comments total)

This may or may not get deleted as chatfilter, but yes, there is no shortage of naughty euphemisms for female mastubation. One I've heard too often is "flicking the bean."

Still, this would be better answered by Urban Dictionary or Google, I'd think.
posted by explosion at 5:40 AM on January 29

IANAW, but this list has more than a few. NOTE: NSFW
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:43 AM on January 29

Uh... guess it'd help to include the link... it's here, and again, NSFW.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:44 AM on January 29

Yes, there are many! This list has some, plus there's "smacking the pony" and many others.
posted by goo at 5:48 AM on January 29

Are there lots of terms for masturbation? Sure. Does anyone use them in real life? Not in my experience.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:50 AM on January 29 [4 favorites]

I had a girl friend who adopted "rubbing one out" which will serve for both genders.
posted by shothotbot at 5:51 AM on January 29

Part of the inherent humor in male masturbation is that 99% of it is covered by one very well known, and rather ridiculous-looking technique. It really lends itself to colorful and amusing phrases. The fact that this does not apply so much to women may be why none of their terms have really caught on.
posted by teleskiving at 6:07 AM on January 29

Also, on metachat.
posted by seanyboy at 6:17 AM on January 29

Smack the Pony. (sfw)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 7:04 AM on January 29

Is it just me or do so many of those terms sound suspiciously like men's slang for women's masturbation?
posted by Thorzdad at 7:32 AM on January 29 [4 favorites]

It's not just you, Thorzdad.
posted by agregoli at 7:49 AM on January 29

Ditto Thorzdad. When I hear guys say these terms I cringe, but I guess whatever works for them. Have fun and make your own, make everyone who doesn't know your new term feel like a fool for being out of the loop.
posted by kenzi23 at 8:00 AM on January 29

For serious, Thorzdad. Whenever the subject comes up among me and my female friends, it's pretty straightforward: using my vibrator or getting off. The context makes it clear that it's solo-play.

The only whimsical language I can think of that I've heard women use is calling their vibrator their B.O.B.- battery-operated boyfriend. And that's more as a self-aware joke than a serious appellation.

I've also heard more regimental feminists refer to it as jilling off, but really. When we're talking about it, it's mostly just using my vibrator or getting off.
posted by headspace at 8:03 AM on January 29

I knew a girl in high school who called it squeezing. This was because she could have an orgasm pretty much anywhere, at any time, by contracting ("squeezing") some unspecified muscles in her pelvic region.

Needless to say, we hated her.
posted by crinklebat at 8:17 AM on January 29 [1 favorite]

... contracting ("squeezing") some unspecified muscles in her pelvic region.

Ah, she was doing Kegels! Yes, this works for some women. It almost works for me. It's fun to try at your desk at work - better than filing.

I had a friend who said she could come to orgasm just by thinking of something sexy.
posted by Evangeline at 9:31 AM on January 29 [1 favorite]

"Taking a hot bath"
posted by idiotfactory at 9:59 AM on January 29 [1 favorite]

Am I the only one who laughed that this is under the category "grab bag"? Maybe that's your euphemism right there.
posted by kjackelen05 at 10:04 AM on January 29 [1 favorite]

I refer to it as 'indulging myself'.
posted by happyturtle at 10:10 AM on January 29

The gender-iffy Jacking off, or "diddling" or just "getting myself off" or the literal, ergo hot "spitting on my fingers and rubbing my clit."
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:49 AM on January 29

"taunting the tiger"
posted by raztaj at 10:56 AM on January 29

"Flicking the bean" makes me wince and cross my legs. Ouch. But I have heard it before (I think it was in a stand-up comedy bit by Jeremy Piven? Is that possible?).

I like "playing in the nappy dugout," but that's really a euphemism for oral sex. Otherwise I agree with headspace.
posted by chowflap at 11:38 AM on January 29

Of course, if you want funny terms, "diddle the skittle" is tops.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:48 AM on January 29

"A long hot bath" or "a wank" according to the ladies nearby.
posted by longbaugh at 11:55 AM on January 29

I say "double-clicking the mouse," but not seriously. I heard it somewhere once.
posted by disaster77 at 1:00 PM on January 29

Steering the man in the boat.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 1:09 PM on January 29

Here's a big list. I do like "airing the orchid" and "muffin buffin'."
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 1:15 PM on January 29

My female friends started using the phrase "eating graham crackers" when we learned the story behind their origin.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 1:57 PM on January 29

The Mrs. favors "grooming the poodle" when referring to the act.
posted by SMELLSLIKEFUN at 3:29 PM on January 29 [2 favorites]

Applies to both...

Helping myself / themselves

Having some private time

Having some time to myself / themselves
posted by stackhaus23 at 3:03 PM on February 5

Playing with myself. Playing with yourself.

For example, if a man is making love with a woman he might ask her, "Would you show me how you'd like me to play with you?", "Would you like me to play with you?" Or, "If we try this position, would you like to play with yourself?" Or, "Would you show me how you play with yourself?" Or, "I'd like to watch you play with yourself."

Get off could be substituted for play with but the grammar has to be changed, eg "Would you show me how you'd like me to help you get off?", "Would you like me to get you off?" Or, "If we try this position, would you like to get yourself off?" Or, "Would you show me how you get off?" Or, "I'd like to watch you get off."

Play with always sounded more gentle, sensually sexy to me.

Also like the fun terms for being aroused: lit clit or wide on. As in, ooh, he gives me a lit clit.
posted by nickyskye at 3:19 PM on February 5 [1 favorite]

"find a spin cycle"
posted by mds35 at 3:30 PM on February 6

givewell
posted by mds35 at 3:30 PM on February 6

The arousal part for a woman is called "getting a wet-on".
posted by SMELLSLIKEFUN at 5:23 PM on February 7

"Playing the blue veined piccallo", oh yes and practice does make perfect!
posted by plainjs at 11:42 AM on July 24