If humans were marsupials, would pouches be erotic?

June 21, 2004 11:45 AM

If humans were marsupials, would pouches be erotic?
posted by Grod to Grab Bag (21 answers total)

Who told you they aren't?
posted by goethean at 11:50 AM on June 21, 2004

Well, let's think about that. I think Hot Pockets are satisfying, but erotically? So if I had an orifice, and if I decided to fill it with melted pepperoni and cheese, would I be turned on?

I think it all depends, as part of the deliciousness of my hot pocket orifice would hinge on its hotness, so I would have to find a way to microwave it. But that would scald.

So the answer is no.
posted by Stan Chin at 11:55 AM on June 21, 2004

If the internet has taught me anything, it's that everything is erotic to somebody.
posted by bondcliff at 11:56 AM on June 21, 2004 [1 favorite]

But they are erotic!

Anything is erotic to humans if it's either (a) an erogonous zone or (b) not present on the body of the opposite gender.

It's it's (a) and (b) then you might as well create a fark category for it.
posted by twine42 at 11:56 AM on June 21, 2004

bondcliff has it. As its primary use is for child care, it would have only fringe fetisihistic popularity as an erotic object, like preganant women, breast milk, etc.
posted by chaz at 11:59 AM on June 21, 2004

Bondcliff is right.
posted by gramcracker at 12:08 PM on June 21, 2004

Even though it's covered?
posted by DrJohnEvans at 12:11 PM on June 21, 2004

Bondcliff is right. Oh god, Bondcliff is right.
posted by Keyser Soze at 12:13 PM on June 21, 2004 [1 favorite]

Response by poster:
posted by Grod at 12:41 PM on June 21, 2004

If humans had pouches, that's where the boobies would be, so, like, duh.
posted by bonehead at 1:08 PM on June 21, 2004

chaz: Last time I checked, the primary purpose of breasts is child care. And though I'm not much of an expert on the subject, I'm under the impression the obsession of heterosexual males with them is more than fringe fetishism.

However, most of the most popular erogonous zones have high nerve-ending densities; I don't think a pouch would be very sensitive, considering it'd be designed to lug a child around in.

Grod: Hehe, very nice.
posted by fvw at 1:10 PM on June 21, 2004

fvw: Human breasts probably evolved as peacock-style indicator of vitality. The idea that it's designed to display (possibly, as Desmond Morris proposes, to fulfill the now-upright ape's desire to have something like an engorged buttocks to look like).

Theories like that larger breasts are exciting because they could carry more milk or something like that are most likely wrong (since it's not true, for one). So the fact that breasts are erogenous and attractive sexually is probably mostly unrelated to their child-rearing role.
posted by abcde at 1:34 PM on June 21, 2004

Only if they were covered, and wrapped every day in lacy undergarments. Then, ya.
posted by Quartermass at 1:39 PM on June 21, 2004

Marsupials w/ pouches are said to have "double-vaginas," right..?
posted by Shane at 1:49 PM on June 21, 2004

Response by poster: Thing is, the pouch carries babies and has nipples. Breasts/nipples are used to feed children for a few years out of a woman's life, assuming she has several children and feeds them for a year or more each. Most of the time breasts are concealed. Although it is not uncommon to see a woman breastfeeding in public that is not always the case. A pouch, on the other hand, could not be conceled and be functional as the child/joey needs easy access at all times. Besides, I imagine that women without children would end up using them as a built in purse.
posted by Grod at 2:04 PM on June 21, 2004

*cough* *cough*
posted by waxpancake at 2:13 PM on June 21, 2004

I imagine that women without children would end up using them as a built in purse.

Only if they wanted to get their celphones covered in mucous. A marsupial pouch is not the cartoon fur-lined satchel you're picturing; it's essentially an external womb. Think pink, wet, and biological, not cute and fuzzy.

So, yeah, definitely erotic. Besides, name an orifice on the human body large enough to accommodate a penis which has not been eroticised. QED.
posted by ook at 3:22 PM on June 21, 2004

Smiling, Jessica stroked her paw across his soft chest fur and nuzzled his ears
again, eliciting a soft moan from him.

"You like that - don't you Ashtail?" Jessica whispered softly, as her
paw stroked slowly in circles on his chest.

*vomit*
posted by Keyser Soze at 3:56 PM on June 21, 2004

Come over here, baby. Lemme show you a little koala-ty!
posted by SPrintF at 4:27 PM on June 21, 2004

You guys are on google's cache for the rest of your lives. haha
posted by banished at 5:18 PM on June 21, 2004

I will claim the crown of rock with my new band "Hot Pocket Orifice"
posted by GeekAnimator at 3:29 PM on June 22, 2004