Game Over: When There's No Joy Left in Your Schtick

January 10, 2008 6:15 AM

Blue Gamer Needs Help Badly: Please Deposit 2 Cents

I have been into video games for as long as I can remember, but for the past year or so I have been completely disinterested in them. And this upsets me. I don’t want to talk about myself too much, but let me give you some highlights of how video games have affected my life, so you get a better picture of what I’m talking about:

- I’ve competed in and won several video game competitions over the years, some national.

- I’ve written articles for video game magazines, attended E3 as press, and done work for EGM. I’ve written college essays on various aspects of the video game industry.

- I’ve initially started learning Japanese just so I could play my 200-hundred-disc Sega Saturn import collection.

- I’ve been a video game history consultant for a number of projects.

Again, I’m not trying to brag. I am trying to show you that I was more than an avid fan; I have intentionally led a life that would eventually have me working in the video game industry to some capacity. But recently I’ve turned down a position working for a major video game publication, I’ve just given away my Nintendo Wii with three unopened games, and I haven’t played anything in half a year. I feel like a parent who’s stopped loving his own child.

I’m reluctant to chock this up to just “growing up” because I’ve always wanted video games to be a part of my adulthood. Has anyone had similar experiences? Is the state of the video game industry the cause of my ennui? Is loss of interest in my biggest hobby and life goal indicative of a larger problem?

posted by aftermarketradio to sports, hobbies, & recreation (19 comments total)

Has anyone had similar experiences?

Not with video games, personally, but with music, comic books, printed word, cinema. It's less about "growing up" and more about "growing out" into different interests.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 6:20 AM on January 10

Half a year, eh? That would mean you missed Bioshock, Portal, or Team Fortress 2. (Which are, naturally, not to be missed.)

Sometimes we all go through burnout. I know I'm not the only one who played WoW nonstop for a few years and then couldn't play a video game for a few months. Take it slow, try out a few titles that people are really excited about. Withdraw from thinking about the totality of the industry (which is rather shitty). Even downgrade and get some PopCap time-wasters (Zuma!) if you don't feel like taking on a larger game.

Even if nothing works, and you just can't bear to pick up a controller again, buy some fan art for your favorite titles (deviantart!), or otherwise indulge your nostalgia. If nothing feels right, don't sweat it and move on.
posted by cowbellemoo at 6:32 AM on January 10

Sounds like burn-out to me. You should try playing a pick-up basketball (or any sport really) game with someone who played for their high school or college team. It just isn't fun for them anymore. They experience no joy in it, because it ceased being a game and started being a job. I have beat guys one on one who played in college, and who were so much better at basketball than me that I didn't belong on the same court as them, because my heart was in the game, even for a measly pick-up game on a deserted court, because I was playing basketball to have fun, and there's wasn't. Sounds like the same kind of thing happened to you. You had so much fun playing video games that you wanted to make it your job, and (even though you turned down that position recently) you succeeded, and making it your job took all the fun out of it. I am not sure what the cure is. Probably an extended break from video games until you feel yourself wanting to play for fun. That could take a long time. Although maybe not too long, because video games are fun. Good luck.
posted by ND¢ at 7:01 AM on January 10

I do work in the video game industry, and I play a LOT less than I used to, for largely the reasons ND¢ gives - it's a job, it's not a game anymore. I love making games for more reasons than I love playing them, but some days I wish I could go back to tech support or something so I could just play again.
posted by restless_nomad at 7:17 AM on January 10

Yeah, it sounds like burnout, but I don't really see in your message what you have been doing day-to-day in the industry that would contribute to it. You've listed past accomplishments and those are fine, but if you said, for instance, that you were putting in 12 hour days playing games, writing, researching, analyzing, etc., then I'd say, "YAH! Burn out."

Burn out blows. I experience it all the time and primarily it comes, I think, from feeling strong emotions. I will get interested in something, then heavily interested, and push really hard to learn it. I start to feel fatigue, but I push through that. Finally, I'll just BURN OUT and I can't stand the sight of it anymore. I go through something like DAILY with my job in I.T. Makes me want to cry.

So if it is burn out, I know how you feel.
posted by tcv at 7:17 AM on January 10

I agree with the burn-out assessment, although I'm curious to know whether or not you enjoy gaming any longer. From the tone of your post, it sounds as if you still might, but I don't know.

I'm a pretty serious anime fan, and I've found that those anime fans who devote themselves so much to the hobby that it's their only hobby have an increased tendency to burn out after a couple of years. It seems especially true for those who are college students and, thus, might not have a lot of other responsibilities that prevent them from making anime the center of their life. In my experience, people who stick with consuming hobbies (like gaming or anime) for a long time without getting burned out often lead pretty full and varied lives otherwise. Balance = happiness.

Perhaps you're craving that balance and don't yet realize it?
posted by jal0021 at 7:27 AM on January 10

Two things: you do sound burned out to me. And, have you lost interest in other things as well? Maybe you are just going through a bluesy time. This is the time of year when a lot of people do get down, and without getting into the whole SAD and just plain old depression thing, you might just need a pick-me-up. When was the last time you had a vacation and just got away from the daily grind?

And, just a thought, but, you know, one of the best ways I have found to re-interest myself in a game is to watch someone else play it. If they are really good, I wonder if I would be able to keep up with them. I start wondering how hard the game really is and if I would be able to handle it. If they're awful, I think, "Hey, I could do better than that." Either way, it can be motivational.
posted by misha at 7:28 AM on January 10

Are you still interested in other pursuits? I'd say it's not indicative of a larger problem unless you've lost interest in life in general. In which case it may be depression.
People's interests change over time. It's only natural. As long as they're replaced by interests in other things, it's perfectly fine, and in fact, desirable.
And by interests in other things, I mean interest in anything... relationships, music, cooking, working, art, sunsets, driving, thinking, sitting still and doing nothing, anything at all counts. Maybe you lost that need to have an obsessive hobby and are going through a separation period. Nothing wrong with that. But if nothing sounds interesting anymore, then it may be a larger problem, and talking to someone might help.
posted by dosterm at 7:32 AM on January 10

Hello! I'm in the same place. No worries.

I was burned really, really badly by an mmorpg a couple years ago (cost me an important relationship) which then killed my relationship with that particular franchise... which killed my relationship with a console and then all console systems and then all videogames. Blegh.

Which is hilarious - because I worked at Gamestop for a lengthy chunk of my young-adult life and was about as serious a gamer as you could ever find. Suddenly, I didn't even want to think about videogames. I got into HL2 briefly, for its sheer awesomeness, but I didn't play on my home system. I went to a snug little LAN cafe down the road, sipped soda pop and sat in a fancy gamer chair and played HL2. It was completely awesome. It was totally different from the gaming experience that I had come to despise. It felt like a vacation.

Then, last Thanksgiving, my cousin and I were sitting around at my mom's house, drinking some beers, doing absolutely nothing. He looked at me wistfully. "Wish we had some monkeyball right about now." I looked at him.
"Dammit dude. We do have monkeyball." I saw his eyes light up.
We went to the basement and found a gamecube and some controllers. Monkeyball was still in the tray. We turned that baby on and she purred like the day she was made. We started a new tradition. Every thanksgiving = monkeyball.
A week ago I bought a copy of MarioParty 4 for the gamecube, brought it to my mom's house and played it with my girlfriend, sister and cousin. It was fun - introducing new people to the gaming experience.

I don't know if I'll ever really go back to gaming at the level I was at. When I worked at Gamestop, I was required to play certain games and follow all the gaming websites. Today, I still read penny-arcade, but that's about it. However, the joy is still very much alive - gaming is fun! But the desire to do it for more than an hour a week is completely gone. And that's ok. Because I've learned how to play frisbee golf. And I've started blacksmithing. And I've really re-invested in camping and inland fishing. And these are three things that would never have happened were I still spending large blocks of time playing videogames.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 8:01 AM on January 10 [2 favorites]

I went through something like this a while back (though the only game I ever held a good worldwide ranking on was Wetrix, for the N64). Some realizations about the difference between competitive hardcore gamers and other gamers:

--As an adult with adult responsibilities, I didn't have the time or interest in the specific kinds of games I used to love. My big fighting games were VF1 and Tekken 3 (though I didn't play competitively, I was better than just about everyone else I knew). When I got VF4: Evo and imported the special Hori stick for it, it did nothing but gather dust. I just didn't have time to memorize and practice moves anymore, and the emotional payoff is near nil. If I have 15 minutes to play a game in a given day (which may be all I have), I don't want to spend it practicing the Stun Palm of Doom over and over and over and over and over.

--The reason I dropped out of keeping up my game with Wetrix (which was an extraordinarily rich variant of Tetris) is because I was competing with career mathematicians who were spending hours each day on it. Again, I didn't have time for the research, and I'd already gotten so good at the game that I had to work too hard to get a sense of achievement--it took a solid hour of play to even approach my high score, and if I didn't beat that high score it was a wasted hour during which I could have read 50 pages of a novel or something.

--The segmentation of the field into a bunch of samey-same genres made me lose interest in a lot of things. There were a few years where I thought that if I never saw another FPS, I'd be okay with that. (I still feel that way, for the most part--the closest I've gotten to an FPS since Quake 2 is Resident Evil 4: Wii Edition. I know, I know--Gears of War, Halo 3, Team Fortress 2. I can't make myself care. The same goes for RTSs and MMORPGs.) I still have this nostalgia for the Commodore 64 days when one person working alone could code some oddball game that didn't fit into any genre, and I miss that variety on store shelves.

So maybe what you need is a return to (relatively) casual gaming. These days (after not being much interested in gaming for quite a while) I switch between Super Mario Galaxy, DDR, and Titan Quest, and they're all loads of fun. You can get a sense of accomplishment from any of those games in 15 minutes. The same goes for the social music games like Guitar Hero and Rock Band.

Also, turn-based strategy is a lot of fun for me--Advance Wars; Fire Emblem; bearded-gamer games like Combat Mission; Civilization IV; Hearts of Iron II; Panzer Tactics; etc. All thinking, no competition, no rote practicing, and as much variety in styles as there is in games these days.

The two takeaway points:

1. Maybe it's the ancillary things that you've come to associate with games you're burned out on (competition, writing, and so on), not the games themselves.

2. Good games for adults let them feel like they "won" or got somewhere in 15 minutes or less.
posted by Prospero at 8:27 AM on January 10

Wow, I can always count on the Mefites for insightful, varied responses.

I think all of you are correct about certain aspects. I have "grown out." I don't hate gaming now, but it's just not on my mind. I have also lost interest in a lot of similar hobbies (anime, comics, etc.). I haven't really picked up any other hobbies to fill the void, but I don't feel depressed either. Quite the opposite, I feel content. I'm happy with just being with my friends and family, with no particular goal in mind. If that in itself is a sign of depression, I don't know.

Some of you mentioned burnout, as the lines of hobby and occupation converge, and I think that's a very real concern. For some, the thrill of chasing a goal is far more satisfying than obtaining it, and I may be one of those people. But I think Baby_Balrog has the solution I'm looking for. Gaming has been a big part of my life, and I'd like to not shut it off completely. So, perhaps gaming should just be a means to an end for me now, with that end being ultimately enjoying time with my friends.

You all have given me a lot to think about.
posted by aftermarketradio at 8:36 AM on January 10

I'm just coming back from my latest bout of gaming-burnout, so this is still pretty fresh in my mind. It seems I'm particularly prone to it as I'll get deeply into a particular genre (shmups, fighting games, RPGs, etc) and play through all of the great games, then all of the good games, then the so-so games that have some redeeming quality to them, at which point I have a "what the fuck am I doing with my time" sort of moment, and take a break from gaming for a few months.

Basically, I've found that I now have zero tolerance for bullshit in videogames. I want to be having fun at all times, period. I can barely play RPGs anymore for this reason, mostly, I stick to short, focused actiontype games like Gears of War, The Darkness, Bioshock, and Halo 3. I played through Mass Effect, and while it was great, I was far more entertained by the plot than the completionist nature of the sidequests.
posted by Oktober at 8:56 AM on January 10

I just mentioned the possibility of depression because a loss of interest in things that have always been interesting can be a signifier.
But I wouldn't consider you to sound depressed at all after reading the second post. If anything, you're replacing your relationship with the games with relationships with people, which is a good thing. Not that gaming is a problem either. A good balance is nice.
posted by dosterm at 10:18 AM on January 10

Hey, I've gone through a lot of what you're going through a couple times now.

For myself, it was just that there are times where my interests lie elsewhere for a bit. Burnout is a good name for it, I guess, but it's not a permanent thing. There are times where for months I won't touch a single video game, if not longer, because I'm just out at bars or with friends all the time. Then there are times, like now, where I start playing 6 games at the same time and have to try to budget my obsessions with them all so that one doesn't get left behind. (example, I'm currently trying to play 4 different Final Fantasies and Rock Band with only about 2-4 free hours in a day. Meanwhile I have a stack of other games waiting until I finish one of these.) It's really not a permanent thing and I urge against making any more drastic sales or throwing things out. You may, in fact, come back in a few months.
posted by shmegegge at 11:22 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]

Highly recommend picking up a physical hobby: running, cycling, basketball, martial arts, rock climbing... heck, Baby_Balrog's shortlist -- frisbee golf, blacksmithing, camping, and inland fishing -- sounds pretty cool to me.

Not only is the physical activity a whole different sort of "game", with a completely different & exciting gaming interface where your BODY is the controller (Wii, eat your heart out!), but the exercise works wonders for combatting depression -- not to mention the obvious health benefits, depending of course on the particular activity.

Game on!
posted by LordSludge at 12:04 PM on January 10

Since you emphasize that you were trying to make a career, essentially, out of gaming, maybe it will help you to consider it in relation to non-video-game career burnout. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you're in your early to mid-twenties. This is a time when a huge number of people are deciding that what they always thought they would do in life is not what they actually want to do. The art student discovers that the business aspects are killing their love of art, a medical student really can't handle the hours, a math student suddenly decides that they never want to see another number again.

I think you should also consider why you are so insistent that video games must be a part of your life. OK, video games are fun, but if you were really having fun you wouldn't be here asking us why you don't feel like playing video games. So I'm guessing you feel like if you stop now, 1) everything you've already done will have been a waste of time, 2) you won't be able to come back to gaming if you decide to change your mind, 3) video games remind you of your childhood, a time when your needs were all met and you probably had some fame as a gaming prodigy, stopping is giving up the chance of ever having that again and 4) if you give up games then you won't have ANY direction at all. Thinking about that should show you that really none of those are solid objections.

Specifically, you don't have to "give up" gaming. But you also don't need to force yourself to game if you don't have the urge to. Spend some time thinking about what career paths you could pick that don't include gaming. When you feel like playing something, do it. When you don't, don't sweat it.
posted by anaelith at 12:07 PM on January 10

I haven't really picked up any other hobbies to fill the void, but I don't feel depressed either. Quite the opposite, I feel content. I'm happy with just being with my friends and family, with no particular goal in mind. If that in itself is a sign of depression, I don't know.

That doesn't sound very much like depression. When you are depressed, you have no ambition or interest in things you used to enjoy, but then you generally aren't happy. If you are having physical symptoms such as sleeping or eating much more or much less than normal, then you should see a doctor to be screened for depression. But if your only symptom is loss of interest in one thing (albeit a major thing in your life previously) then you are probably not depressed.

(IANAD, but I am a depressed person.)
posted by happyturtle at 12:31 PM on January 10

anaelith wrote: Since you emphasize that you were trying to make a career, essentially, out of gaming, maybe it will help you to consider it in relation to non-video-game career burnout. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you're in your early to mid-twenties. This is a time when a huge number of people are deciding that what they always thought they would do in life is not what they actually want to do...

I'm guessing you feel like if you stop now, 1) everything you've already done will have been a waste of time, 2) you won't be able to come back to gaming if you decide to change your mind, 3) video games remind you of your childhood, a time when your needs were all met and you probably had some fame as a gaming prodigy, stopping is giving up the chance of ever having that again and 4) if you give up games then you won't have ANY direction at all. Thinking about that should show you that really none of those are solid objections...

Spend some time thinking about what career paths you could pick that don't include gaming.

I think you are spot-on with these observations. I am in my mid-twenties, out of college, and wondering "now what?" Gaming was a way of life to me. But if the desire to play is gone, I feel like I can no longer make a career out of it. As you said, I need to spend some time reflecting on what other options I have. I don't feel like I've wasted any time, though. If you're doing what you love, then that's time well spent. I was lucky that gaming got me through such a large part of my life. I just have to find another focus for the next part.

It's funny how many avid gamers eventually turn to physical activity, which flies in the face of the stereotype of the lazy gamer. Recently, I've been really considering martial arts, so this might be a good time to act on that.
posted by aftermarketradio at 1:44 PM on January 10

You just gotta play your away through that shit man.
posted by Demogorgon at 7:07 PM on January 10