I need help repaying a personal debt.

January 4, 2008 7:10 PM

I've owed someone some money for many years. I keep forgetting to repay it and then I remember later. Repeat cycle ad infinitum for almost 18 years. Help me figure out how to repay it.

It was originally a small sum: $160.00. I owe this to the family of a high school friend that helped me out in 1990. They let me live in their basement for $80 month plus household labor. At the time I was broke. Flat fucking broke. In October of 1990 I moved in with my girlfriend and her parents and paid rent there by doing household and automotive labor. I still owed them $160.00 when I moved out. Well, here I am years later feeling a little guilty for not having repaid that debt to my friend's parents. So here's that time of year when we find ourselves wanting to be better people...

How should I repay it? I feel it only right to give them some sort of interest, or return on their money. It is after all, money that could have earned interest in a savings account, CD, TBills or in the stock market. Can you give me ideas as to what standard (Stock Market, TBills, CD, Savings accounts) I should use for repaying this and info on where I can find these historical numbers?

Any other thoughts or ideas are quite welcome.

posted by anonymous to Work & Money (31 answers total)

I think it would be nicer for you to just get them a gift and a card expressing your appreciation for their help. I doubt they sit and stew about that $100 and your appreciation would probably be much nicer than actual repayment. Flowers, food gift basket, nice bottle of wine, or something along those lines and a note would be my vote.
posted by wuzandfuzz at 7:20 PM on January 4, 2008

Assume 5% = $385. Whether you assume an interest rate that's a little lower or a little higher, it won't make much difference cuz you only owe $160. Give 'em $400 and be done with it.

On preview, I agree with wuzandfuzz.
posted by mpls2 at 7:24 PM on January 4, 2008

A very thoughtful gift (do you recall what they liked when you lived there?) worth at least what you owe with a nice note telling them how grateful you are (and even how you are doing now if you haven't stayed in touch).
posted by special-k at 7:29 PM on January 4, 2008

I would get them a ridiculously nice gift as a belated thank you. Something in the $500-750 range, with a thank you note saying how grateful you are and that if you can ever do anything for them you are always there. I can't think of anything off the top of my head that is in that range and sure to please anyone, but I would definitely splash out.
posted by whoaali at 7:33 PM on January 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

If you do want to pay them for the amount that they would have earned, you could use historical prime rate as a basis for computation. Perhaps someone else can offer a more sophisticated site that will compute the value over time for you?

Also, second wuz's kind note suggestion, but not necessarily without the repayment. Something sappy telling them that over the years you have remembered their willingness to lend a hand when you were without other means of support, that you never intended to not pay them back. Even if you do pay them back with interest, the gift card or nice bottle of wine would be sweet.

Doing it now, along with a new year wish, will be nice too.
posted by quinoa at 7:37 PM on January 4, 2008

Frankly, I think literally paying the debt at this point is absurd. You're putting too much guilt on yourself. Pay them back by telling them that you're very grateful, and giving them a nice gift.
posted by gauchodaspampas at 7:55 PM on January 4, 2008

I agree with everyone else, don't try to pay them in cash. A lot of people would feel embarrassed about taking the money and would try to refuse it.

Definitely write them a note, thanking them for helping you out all of those years ago and letting them know that you still remember and appreciate it. Some kind of physical gift would be appropriate, but make sure its not so extravagant that they would feel awkward about accepting it.
posted by burnmp3s at 8:36 PM on January 4, 2008

If they need money, pay them the money with interest (and at the average prime rate that is more like $600, eyeballing it). If they have plenty of money, a really nice gift might be even better but what to give? If they feel embarrassed by the money tell them to please just donate it to their favorite charity, you then have this debt off your chest and good is done.
posted by caddis at 8:36 PM on January 4, 2008

I'd be happy to get the money, actually. You SHOULD repay it AND get them something nice for "interest." You absolutely owe them something.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 9:26 PM on January 4, 2008

Best of both: Give them the $160 plus a thoughtful letter and a gift/bottle of wine/etc.

If I were the lender of said cash, I'd have written it off by now, but I would appreciate getting the amount back -- not as an investment, but as a resolution of a promise made and now kept. (When my mom took me to see "Cats" 8 years after she promised she would, it wasn't about wanting to see that craptastic musical. It was about her remembering and valuing her promise enough to me.) It's one of those thought that counts things.

If you gave me interest, I would think it creepy. It obviously wasn't a financial decision on their part - they weren't investing in you and to pay out as if it were is odd.

They deserve what you promised - the $160. The interest they are paid is knowing they helped someone they cared about, and the thought that if the tables were reversed, you'd do the same.

You could also just pay them the $160 back AND give $160 (or inflation adjusted for today) to a charitable cause that helps someone in the same sort of life transition you were in so you could do your part to "play it forward" if you will.
posted by Gucky at 9:30 PM on January 4, 2008

The payment is important. Sure it is an old debt for not a ton of money but it is there and you have been thinking about it. $400 is not going to buy anybody a new car but is a nice bit for found money. A heart felt note would complete it. It will feel great. I have been there.
posted by pointilist at 9:35 PM on January 4, 2008

write 'em a check, schnorrer. asking the internet how to do this is actually a symptom of reluctance to do it.
posted by bruce at 10:28 PM on January 4, 2008

I'd pay them back with interest and a thank you card. It shows you're someone who follows through. If they feel so embarrassed about taking the money, they can donate it (and get the tax write off). If they refuse to accept it, you can still donate it in their name, so they get the tax write off.
posted by acoutu at 10:42 PM on January 4, 2008

According to this, $1 invested in the S&P 500 on Jan 1, 1991 would have grown to $4.27 today (without dividends). That's $683 today if they'd invested the full $160.
posted by tew at 11:08 PM on January 4, 2008

You'll notice than no one is suggesting a specific gift.

That's because it's really hard to think of a $500 gift that is sure to please everyone. Plus, you run the risk of having any suitably valuable gift come off ostentatious and weird.

Pay it forward instead.

Find an impoverished young person living in a basement -- or a family generous enough to help a kid like you -- and give them a chunk of change.

Then you can either tell your benefactors you helped someone out, and you did it to honor them -- or just rely on the merit of your good deed to reach them via the karma telegraph.
posted by ottereroticist at 12:24 AM on January 5, 2008

When I was 18, I borrowed 200$ from a friend and didn't pay her back for six years - it got to the point where I dreaded coming back to my hometown out of fear of running into her. It just felt weird and even though I could afford to pay her back I thought too much time had passed and I was too embarrassed - basically I was just being an asshole. Finally saw her at a party in my hometown over Christmas and the rum I'd been drinking combined with general holiday good feelings led me to immediately write her a check for 300$. She was so happy she cried, she had recently been laid off and she was able to use the money to pay her electric bill with some left over for Christmas presents. It was an incredible feeling, and all the animosity that had built up just disappeared. We're good friends to this day.
Moral? Just pay it back immediately. If you can afford to pay interest, great, if not, then just pay the 160$. Hand it over with a hug and genuine thanks and be done with it. It's as easy as that.
posted by cilantro at 3:38 AM on January 5, 2008

I'm with CrayDrugu... write the check out today. DO NOT let the sun set again on your long term irresponsibility. Repaying such a kindness with laziness is just terrible.

You will feel SO much better after doing it that the specifics don't matter. The big thing is follow through.

Follow through.
posted by FauxScot at 4:43 AM on January 5, 2008

It is NOT appropriate to repay a debt with a gift instead of money. After so much time, you don't know what they like or need, and you also don't know how big of a deal it was to them that you never paid the debt. The last thing you need is them opening a package from you and saying, "Well, great, we're still out $160 and now we have this TV set we don't need!"

Also, you should NEVER send someone alcohol as a gift unless you know for a fact that they are not a recovering alcoholic.

Sending a check for the original amount will seriously warm their hearts.
posted by hermitosis at 6:35 AM on January 5, 2008

C'mon, Hermitosis -- it's been 18 years. $80/month sounds like a token amount to ensure that the teenager you're housing is keeping their eye on the ball and also gives them some freedom as a rent payer. $160, 18 years in the past is really nothing.

I don't know, cash just seems silly. A gift card to a home improvement store in their area at that amount might be nice and clear your mind and your debt but a gift of flowers or a plant or a basket of goodies with a note would surely be more heartfelt and appreciated.
posted by amanda at 7:58 AM on January 5, 2008

Yeah, I think go with the gift, it's been 18 years, that's an unbelievably long time. If you write them a check (and I think you should calculate quite a bit higher interest rate) they probably won't accept it, they obviously didn't do this for the money. The point is you are thanking them for the whole thing, not simply paying them back the $160 plus interest. I know nothing about these people, so I can't tell you a gift, but you lived with them for two months and you should at least be able to ballpark it. One idea (and you would have to know they aren't vegetarians) is there are a lot of high end mail order steak/seafood/etc companies. They aren't cheap, but some are really high quality and its more or less like sending them a five star meal. As long as they eat meat, it's a gift they will almost certainly enjoy. (and no I am in no way affiliated with any of these companies, my family is just really into giving seafood as a gift)
posted by whoaali at 8:52 AM on January 5, 2008

Write a letter or card, expressing your heart-felt thanks for helping you when you needed it. Tell them you've wanted to pay them, but have felt awkward, and have finally decided to just do it. Enclose a check for anywhere from 160 to 400(interest). Tell them that if they don't want the money, you'd be happy for them to send it to the charity of their choice. If, after 6 months, they don't cash your check, donate the money to a charity in their name.

Deal with your feeling of embarrassment by thinking how you'd feel if you got money and thanks out of the blue. They'll be really pleased. Do it today.
posted by theora55 at 9:03 AM on January 5, 2008

cash just seems silly

The heck it does! I have been through this routine twenty times due to the ups-and-downs of a youth with too much success. And every time I returned the money — even a decade down the way — it was always a source of joy. Naturally, I too have included gifts, interest, etc.

But it was always the original money that mattered. The effect on my conscience has been amazing. Each time it has been as if (pardon the cliche) a weight had been lifted.

Take care of the original $160 with a card. Then go from there. Then watch what happens. My guess is that in some small way you will be transformed.
posted by humannaire at 9:07 AM on January 5, 2008 [1 favorite]

This inflation calculator suggests that 160 in 1990 would be the equivelant of $266.14 in 2008. Write them a check for $250, do it now and tell them it's inflation adjusted, thank them profusely and tell them that you think well of them. If you can think of something suitable to send along as a little "thank you, and thinking of you" gift then do so, but nothing wild. To the people saying that noone gives a crap about 160 dollars, great, mail me for where to send the check.
posted by Iteki at 9:25 AM on January 5, 2008 [1 favorite]

yeah, off the top of my head I'd have said about $250 considering interest. if you can, send them a check for 250 and, like, a bottle of champagne (a decent nonvintage costs less than 50 bucks) if they drink or something, for being so nice about your debt.
posted by matteo at 9:45 AM on January 5, 2008

What about the statute of limitations? Maybe you don't owe them anything.

But if this is isn't about settling a debt but soothing your conscience, then give them whatever will accomplish that goal.
posted by sour cream at 10:13 AM on January 5, 2008

Exactly what Gucky said.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 10:31 AM on January 5, 2008

Pay the money back with interest. Include a card or letter expressing regret that you have not paid them back sooner, suggesting that they either use this money for something they would enjoy or donate it to a charity. Write something about how much you appreciated their help at the time, and about the person you have become today, especially anything that might have been partly due to you having a place to live for two months. It sounds like they gave you a good deal on the rent, probably more due to a desire to help you out than needing to take on a tenant.

I don't think that this being 18 years in the past means that you can give a gift instead of repayment. You don't know how they would take this, and for all you know they might need the money.
posted by yohko at 1:02 PM on January 5, 2008

I'm gonna chime in to go with what Glucky said too. Definately the cash (via check of course) and a small gift or well written letter thanking them. I especially liked this part of his suggestion:

You could also just pay them the $160 back AND give $160 (or inflation adjusted for today) to a charitable cause that helps someone in the same sort of life transition you were in so you could do your part to "play it forward" if you will.

Donate to the charity in their name.
I know I would be really touched by that kind of action.

People remember that they are owed money, it may not be on their minds everyday, but they remember and they are grateful when they are paid back in cash, not a trinket or token gift.

Good for you for taking action, even though it's been some time.
You're gonna feel great once you mail that off.
posted by NoraCharles at 2:28 PM on January 5, 2008

what about a week or weekend getaway at a resort or similar.... leave the 160 plus interest in a card telling them how much you appreciated their help.
posted by meeshell at 4:11 PM on January 5, 2008

Since the general consensus is that you need to add a little extra, how about computing the inflation rate and rounding it off? That should count as interest, unless you're feeling generous.

I'm sure they'll appreciate that you still remember; for all you know, it might arrive at just the right time.
posted by drea at 11:45 PM on January 5, 2008

[How did I know you were talking about my favorite non-vintage champagne, matteo?]
posted by humannaire at 2:10 PM on January 6, 2008