What's a good wedding present for someone who doesn't believe in the sanctity of marriage?

December 29, 2007 2:58 PM

What's a good wedding present for someone who doesn't believe in the sanctity of marriage?

My brother and his significant other of seven years are having a quickie wedding tomorrow for practical reasons, including child custody and health insurance, but are kind of against the institution of marriage in general.

I'd like to get them something as a memento of the day, but I'm at a loss. They don't drink, don't need appliances or much in the way of household goods, and a food gift might be unwelcome given all the Christmas leftovers they currently have. They're someowhat hippieish, really into yoga, art and alternative culture festivals such as Burningman.

Is there a good book or other symbolic gift that anyone here can recommend?

posted by croutonsupafreak to human relations (20 comments total)

Burningman passes for next year?
posted by rbs at 3:06 PM on December 29, 2007

Donate money in honor of them to a charity you know they support? Most places give out cards for these donations for you to give to the couple. Wrap up the card stating your donation in a nice cute box.
posted by dog food sugar at 3:12 PM on December 29, 2007

A Kiva gift certificate?
posted by Solomon at 3:18 PM on December 29, 2007

What about getting them a meaningful, ethical gift which you can symbolise with a nice framed postcard or photo?
posted by DarlingBri at 3:18 PM on December 29, 2007

I like the donation idea. How about heiffer international?

How about a copy of "How to Cook Everything"?
posted by sully75 at 3:28 PM on December 29, 2007

Best wedding gift we ever gave was sponsor ship of an animal at our local zoo. That sponsorship gave one year free membership to the zoo for two people. Meant they could go whenever they wanted. Your brother could take his kids. It's more a gift to the family. But a super gift, I believe.
posted by taff at 3:39 PM on December 29, 2007

BTW, I think your question might be mis-titled. "Sanctity of marriage" is something a lot of married people don't believe in. It's a phrase co-opted by the far right to mean "marriage between a man and a woman." So, as that group defines it, neither my husband nor I believe in the sanctity of marriage.

In no way did this preclude us from receiving two gravy boats and half a dozen vases on the occasion of our marriage.
posted by DarlingBri at 3:52 PM on December 29, 2007 [3 favorites]

A good-quality enlargement of a nice photo of them, in a suitably appropriate frame. A couples massage at a spa would also be good, or cruise the local hippy-press listings for things like drum-making workshops they can do together and have a meaningful keepsake to take away. Babysitting if they have kids.
posted by goo at 4:02 PM on December 29, 2007

A pair of environmentally friendly yoga mats?
posted by sculpin at 4:26 PM on December 29, 2007

if they're crafty and hip - a subscription to Ready Made and a gift card to Home Depot or Lowes (for supplies once the magazine comes in). this will allow them to continue to build their home without getting them another george forman grill or pillows that don't match their decor.
posted by nadawi at 4:44 PM on December 29, 2007 [1 favorite]

> What's a good wedding present for someone who doesn't believe in the sanctity of marriage?

What did you want us to infer from that part of the question? Surely they're not so anti-marriage that they'll throw a fit if you buy them a "traditional" gift.
posted by hjo3 at 4:49 PM on December 29, 2007

hjo3 - i think the poster was trying to point out that china patterns and frames with crossed rings won't work here...neither will household appliance stuff as they aren't 'starting their lives', but just continuing. now, the poster all but spelled that out in their question, so i'm wondering what you're trying point out by acting daft.

how old are the kids? a family gift does seem more appropriate. maybe season pass to the science museum or if they bike maybe they need new helmets or tires or something like? What do they all do together?
posted by nadawi at 5:09 PM on December 29, 2007

Get a present for their kid, in honor of the occasion. That way, you're acknowledging both the importance of their union in general and the meaning they give to this aspect of their union in particular.
posted by bingo at 5:26 PM on December 29, 2007

When I got married in a "marriage is stupid but we're doing this anyhow" way a friend of mine got me his/hers monnogrammed towels which cracked me up. When we split up, we each took one. Towels are useful for Burning Man, you could package it with a nice solar shower.
posted by jessamyn at 5:27 PM on December 29, 2007

Plant a tree for them? No links as I'm not sure what organisation would do this in the US - the Woodland Trust does it in the UK.
posted by paduasoy at 5:54 PM on December 29, 2007

Museum membership (as suggested above) has plenty of benefits:

- intangible, so it doesn't clutter up their home and doesn't smack of the traditional stodgy wedding gift.
- honors the interests you know they have (especially since you mention above that they're interested in art)
- often just expensive enough that they wouldn't splurge and treat themselves. (Can you sneakily find out where they already have memberships?)
- lasts for a year, typically, so they'll have plenty of time to make the most of the gift.
- most museums will have a "family pass" or similar package, so they can go individually, as a couple, or as a family.
posted by Elsa at 6:47 PM on December 29, 2007

Do they like gag gifts? How about a Do-It-Yourself divorce kit?
posted by blue_beetle at 8:32 AM on December 30, 2007

Thanks, all. I can't afford Burning Man tickets, although I like the idea, so I'm going to look for towels and a solar shower and if I can't find those in time then I'll go for Ready Made.

hj03, I didn't mean anything insulting or deep by my "sanctity of marriage" comment. I was just trying to telegraph their feelings in quick shorthand. nadawi's interpretation is fair.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 10:53 AM on December 30, 2007

Nothing?
posted by jpdoane at 10:44 PM on December 30, 2007

I suggest something made of glass. Those who don't believe in the stupid "diamond rings signify the indestructability of our relationship" stuff will appreciate the symbolism of a glass memento and the fragility of our human condition and their relationship specifically. Because they are in a relationship, whether they believe in "marriage" specifically, it is one facet of that relationship and can respectfully be acknowledged by something tangible.

Glass rings might be nice (but that would be a little more for them to give to each other), perhaps a wind chime, a stained glass window, or some other form of art glass would be nice and right up their hippie alley. If they have a yoga or meditation room in their home, perhaps you could purchase something to help decorate that.
posted by greekphilosophy at 7:22 AM on December 31, 2007