I was raped earlier this year while doing long-term volunteer work in a foreign country... Do I tell the organization?
November 24, 2007 10:46 AM Subscribe
I was raped earlier this year while doing long-term volunteer work in a foreign country... Do I tell the organization?
I chose to complete my time and not inform the organization, though a couple of other volunteers know. There are known issues with safety in the country I was in because of extreme isolation. Recently, I have considered coming forward, but the whole program could be pulled in the country- in the least, I believe my replacement would be removed. I have no desire to take any legal action- in the US or otherwise, and I worry that the organization will become very defensive if I come forward. I do feel it is my duty to help protect locals and volunteers and the "obvious" thing is to talk, but I also feel a duty to the children and communities who may be hurt if I do. Perhaps what happens after is not my responsibility, but I couldn't ignore it because I still feel very attached to the people. Of course no one can tell me what to do, but the input of others has helped me already. I guess I just want to know what you think. Thank you.
Please understand that staying there and then keeping this to myself was a difficult decision, but it was the best at the time. I still feel it was what I needed to do and there is not a way that I could explain here. I have support now that I am back at home and the people close to me know what happened.
I chose to complete my time and not inform the organization, though a couple of other volunteers know. There are known issues with safety in the country I was in because of extreme isolation. Recently, I have considered coming forward, but the whole program could be pulled in the country- in the least, I believe my replacement would be removed. I have no desire to take any legal action- in the US or otherwise, and I worry that the organization will become very defensive if I come forward. I do feel it is my duty to help protect locals and volunteers and the "obvious" thing is to talk, but I also feel a duty to the children and communities who may be hurt if I do. Perhaps what happens after is not my responsibility, but I couldn't ignore it because I still feel very attached to the people. Of course no one can tell me what to do, but the input of others has helped me already. I guess I just want to know what you think. Thank you.
Please understand that staying there and then keeping this to myself was a difficult decision, but it was the best at the time. I still feel it was what I needed to do and there is not a way that I could explain here. I have support now that I am back at home and the people close to me know what happened.
Can you communicate with your replacement directly? I can understand your not wanting to take formal actions that could result in the program ending, as you've become attached to the people you went to help, but at the same time, were I in your position, I'd feel I had a similar duty to the safety of volunteers coming in afterwards.
posted by ambrosia at 10:55 AM on November 24, 2007
posted by ambrosia at 10:55 AM on November 24, 2007
I understand what you're saying and why you'd fear that the people you helped might suffer . . . but the volunteers now there deserve an accurate understanding of the risks they may encounter, and I would hate for you to hear that someone else was raped and that they didn't have prior knowledge of the risks because you or others hadn't disclosed negative experiences. Please disclose; it's the right thing to do.
posted by Dee Xtrovert at 10:58 AM on November 24, 2007
posted by Dee Xtrovert at 10:58 AM on November 24, 2007
If your predecessor had suffered in the same way you have, should that person have told the organization so that you could have made a more informed decision?
posted by loosemouth at 10:58 AM on November 24, 2007 [12 favorites]
posted by loosemouth at 10:58 AM on November 24, 2007 [12 favorites]
IANAPyschologist, but I think you should get into therapy ASAP before you decide anything about what to do.
I am sincerely sorry that this happened to you.
posted by Rykey at 11:00 AM on November 24, 2007
I am sincerely sorry that this happened to you.
posted by Rykey at 11:00 AM on November 24, 2007
Also, given that you want to protect the community and you're not interested in criminal prosecution, you can tell the aid organization without giving them the name of the perpetrator. The point would be to make clear that there is a safety issue they must address, not to put the problem on this one individual.
posted by serazin at 11:01 AM on November 24, 2007
posted by serazin at 11:01 AM on November 24, 2007
I hear what Ambrosia's saying, but what about the volunteer after the one who's there now? Or the one after that? The organization needs to know, simply because the original poster can't possibly notify everyone individually. Volunteers come and go. I understand wanting to help the program survive; but it's simply not the individual's decision to make. Sadly, rape does occur everywhere and that's a known fact; if the program were to close, I'm sure it would be because issues of safety were judged to be too pervasive, not because of a sole incident.
posted by Dee Xtrovert at 11:04 AM on November 24, 2007
posted by Dee Xtrovert at 11:04 AM on November 24, 2007
You have experienced a terrible trauma, in the midst of being in an incredibly stressful environment that was likely traumatic for other reasons.
I understand what it's like also (not that I have any experience with something as awful as what you have gone through), to feel like you need to do what is right and responsible and you're torn between the two. I think you can feel safe knowing that whatever you decide, you will be and should feel absolved about whatever happens. The strife that the people you volunteered to help is not only not your responsibility to fix, it's not within your power.
From a somewhat objective standpoint, I would say that you do have the power to tell this organization what happened so that they can take whatever measures they can to protect people.
I'm of the mind that a volunteer organization that requires people to subject themselves to so much isolation that they are in mortal danger or in danger of being raped (or both), is not providing adequate help. It's not an eye for an eye, and you don't need to suffer as those you want to help do in order to balance the scales of justice. That's a downward spiral, not a philanthropic mission.
Ramblings aside, you have not mentioned whether or not you have sought any help for yourself in this situation. You say you have support, but what is the nature of that support? Is there anybody that's a professional that you're speaking to? It's very highly likely that you are or will begin to suffer from PTSD. Perhaps all of this hardcore responsibility and sacrifice you feel you need to make is a smokescreen that you're holding on to in order to keep from falling apart.
You've been through a lot, you've given so much, now it's time to look out for number one. Right now you're wringing your hands, thinking you need to take some sort of action to wrap this all up. I personally feel like what you need to do is think about this from your standpoint, what you would like to see happen, and to find some way to alleviate the feelings of responsibility you feel.
If you report what happened to the organization and they decide to shut down, how is it your fault, that they can't run their operation without protecting their volunteers? The answer: It is not.
posted by pazazygeek at 11:15 AM on November 24, 2007 [7 favorites]
I understand what it's like also (not that I have any experience with something as awful as what you have gone through), to feel like you need to do what is right and responsible and you're torn between the two. I think you can feel safe knowing that whatever you decide, you will be and should feel absolved about whatever happens. The strife that the people you volunteered to help is not only not your responsibility to fix, it's not within your power.
From a somewhat objective standpoint, I would say that you do have the power to tell this organization what happened so that they can take whatever measures they can to protect people.
I'm of the mind that a volunteer organization that requires people to subject themselves to so much isolation that they are in mortal danger or in danger of being raped (or both), is not providing adequate help. It's not an eye for an eye, and you don't need to suffer as those you want to help do in order to balance the scales of justice. That's a downward spiral, not a philanthropic mission.
Ramblings aside, you have not mentioned whether or not you have sought any help for yourself in this situation. You say you have support, but what is the nature of that support? Is there anybody that's a professional that you're speaking to? It's very highly likely that you are or will begin to suffer from PTSD. Perhaps all of this hardcore responsibility and sacrifice you feel you need to make is a smokescreen that you're holding on to in order to keep from falling apart.
You've been through a lot, you've given so much, now it's time to look out for number one. Right now you're wringing your hands, thinking you need to take some sort of action to wrap this all up. I personally feel like what you need to do is think about this from your standpoint, what you would like to see happen, and to find some way to alleviate the feelings of responsibility you feel.
If you report what happened to the organization and they decide to shut down, how is it your fault, that they can't run their operation without protecting their volunteers? The answer: It is not.
posted by pazazygeek at 11:15 AM on November 24, 2007 [7 favorites]
Speak out.
posted by languagehat at 11:19 AM on November 24, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by languagehat at 11:19 AM on November 24, 2007 [1 favorite]
Yes, you should tell them.
Suppose that your successor is also a woman. She too might be raped. If you heard about that, and hadn't spoken out, then how would you feel?
Your first responsibility is to your fellow volunteers, not to the people you went to work with.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 11:28 AM on November 24, 2007
Suppose that your successor is also a woman. She too might be raped. If you heard about that, and hadn't spoken out, then how would you feel?
Your first responsibility is to your fellow volunteers, not to the people you went to work with.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 11:28 AM on November 24, 2007
I agree with pazazygeek. You need professional help because your first responsibility is taking care of yourself after this trauma.
This is a horrible situation, and it's obvious that you care and believe so much in the program, but you absolutely need to inform the program for the safety of the current volunteer and those to come.
It is quite possible that steps can be taken to improve safety without endangering the program itself. When telling the program, emphasize this option. Let them know that this is a concern of yours.
I'm sorry that this happened, since you're obviously a caring and dedicated person. But please help make sure it doesn't happen to someone else too.
posted by cmgonzalez at 11:39 AM on November 24, 2007
This is a horrible situation, and it's obvious that you care and believe so much in the program, but you absolutely need to inform the program for the safety of the current volunteer and those to come.
It is quite possible that steps can be taken to improve safety without endangering the program itself. When telling the program, emphasize this option. Let them know that this is a concern of yours.
I'm sorry that this happened, since you're obviously a caring and dedicated person. But please help make sure it doesn't happen to someone else too.
posted by cmgonzalez at 11:39 AM on November 24, 2007
How would you feel if you found out that someone that went there, just before you did, got raped too? What if you found out that the organization you worked for could have done more to prevent such a horrible act to happen?
Speak out.
posted by aroberge at 11:39 AM on November 24, 2007
Speak out.
posted by aroberge at 11:39 AM on November 24, 2007
yes, i think you do have an obligation, because while those kids need help, the volunteers deserve to know what they're getting into when they go.
i'm so sorry that this happened to you. i am glad you're getting the help you need.
posted by thinkingwoman at 11:44 AM on November 24, 2007
i'm so sorry that this happened to you. i am glad you're getting the help you need.
posted by thinkingwoman at 11:44 AM on November 24, 2007
Strictly for the good of the community you have served, I believe you should come forward. Rape is a crime which only multiplies in the silence of its victims.
posted by jamjam at 11:51 AM on November 24, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by jamjam at 11:51 AM on November 24, 2007 [1 favorite]
I'm sorry for the situation you were in and the tough spot you find yourself in now; you clearly want to do the right thing, and it sucks when it's not clear what that is.
First: If you haven't already, maybe consider calling your local rape counseling hotline. If you're interested in therapy or survivor groups, they can help you. Even if you're not, they deal all the time with helping people decide whether to report, and they may be able to provide you with a more in-depth back-and-forth conversation than you'll be able to have here. Just talking this out with someone might help. They will probably not be able to give you their personal opinion, but they will at least be able to help you think out some of the issues aloud, and maybe that will help. (Disclaimer: I have been through rape counselor training, but have not been a hotline worker, so anything I know about this is theory rather than practice. Nonetheless, please feel free to email me.)
For my own personal thoughts, I understand both sides here, but I think if I were in your situation I'd report it to the organization. If the situation is bad enough that it's likely to recur again, then this may well happen to someone else down the line. And eventually it's going to get reported. If it gets reported later on, when it's happened repeatedly with no one knowing and no one working to fix it, it's going to look a lot worse for the organization. If they can start taking steps to make their volunteers safer now, then they're going to be in a better position when they inevitably do get in trouble. They're going to be able to say, we found out about this, we took X steps immediately, we're working on Y to make everyone safer in the long run, and this is how we intend to show that we're committed to both our mission and our volunteers.
posted by Stacey at 11:52 AM on November 24, 2007
First: If you haven't already, maybe consider calling your local rape counseling hotline. If you're interested in therapy or survivor groups, they can help you. Even if you're not, they deal all the time with helping people decide whether to report, and they may be able to provide you with a more in-depth back-and-forth conversation than you'll be able to have here. Just talking this out with someone might help. They will probably not be able to give you their personal opinion, but they will at least be able to help you think out some of the issues aloud, and maybe that will help. (Disclaimer: I have been through rape counselor training, but have not been a hotline worker, so anything I know about this is theory rather than practice. Nonetheless, please feel free to email me.)
For my own personal thoughts, I understand both sides here, but I think if I were in your situation I'd report it to the organization. If the situation is bad enough that it's likely to recur again, then this may well happen to someone else down the line. And eventually it's going to get reported. If it gets reported later on, when it's happened repeatedly with no one knowing and no one working to fix it, it's going to look a lot worse for the organization. If they can start taking steps to make their volunteers safer now, then they're going to be in a better position when they inevitably do get in trouble. They're going to be able to say, we found out about this, we took X steps immediately, we're working on Y to make everyone safer in the long run, and this is how we intend to show that we're committed to both our mission and our volunteers.
posted by Stacey at 11:52 AM on November 24, 2007
jamjam has a good point. It's probably not only international volunteers who are getting raped. The organization could respond by pulling out. But it could also respond by making efforts to reduce the risk of rape for its volunteers and for everyone else.
I'm really sorry this happened to you.
posted by salvia at 12:06 PM on November 24, 2007
I'm really sorry this happened to you.
posted by salvia at 12:06 PM on November 24, 2007
Please make sure that you are talking with a counselor (either at a rape crisis hotline or in a counseling center) before you approach the organization, if that's what you decide to do. I had a few friends that volunteered in other countries through different programs after college, and I know that in at least one case the response of a program to finding out a woman volunteer had been the victim of a sexual assault left a lot to be desired.
You need to decide what to do based on what course of action you'll feel the best about years down the road, not on how you think your organization will react, but just please be aware that there's a chance that your organization will minimize/deny/place blame if you decide to disclose. After taking the time to come to terms with a decision like disclosing, that can definitely throw any survivor for a loop, so don't go forward to the organization without some support, preferably of the trained variety.
posted by iminurmefi at 12:08 PM on November 24, 2007
You need to decide what to do based on what course of action you'll feel the best about years down the road, not on how you think your organization will react, but just please be aware that there's a chance that your organization will minimize/deny/place blame if you decide to disclose. After taking the time to come to terms with a decision like disclosing, that can definitely throw any survivor for a loop, so don't go forward to the organization without some support, preferably of the trained variety.
posted by iminurmefi at 12:08 PM on November 24, 2007
Exactly what serazin said in the first post...
Rape happens everywhere. Hopefully the organization will see that it's not a good reason to pull the program just because the place you were in is like everywhere else in that regard.
If you feel uncomfortable getting deeply involved in it, you could write an anonymous letter telling your story. Tell them that you hope the program will continue but also hope that they will take your experience into account by increasing "security" measures (buddy system and warning volunteers and giving them tips on how to prevent the opportunity for rape).
I have also been through sexual assault (though of a different nature)... I highly recommend counseling. Even if you don't feel like you need it right now, it can't hurt and it might help. I used to volunteer for a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting victims of assault and sexual abuse. I'm glad to hear you have the support of a few close friends because that's probably the best thing you can do for yourself.
Take care and know that you're not alone.
posted by purelibertine at 12:35 PM on November 24, 2007
Rape happens everywhere. Hopefully the organization will see that it's not a good reason to pull the program just because the place you were in is like everywhere else in that regard.
If you feel uncomfortable getting deeply involved in it, you could write an anonymous letter telling your story. Tell them that you hope the program will continue but also hope that they will take your experience into account by increasing "security" measures (buddy system and warning volunteers and giving them tips on how to prevent the opportunity for rape).
I have also been through sexual assault (though of a different nature)... I highly recommend counseling. Even if you don't feel like you need it right now, it can't hurt and it might help. I used to volunteer for a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting victims of assault and sexual abuse. I'm glad to hear you have the support of a few close friends because that's probably the best thing you can do for yourself.
Take care and know that you're not alone.
posted by purelibertine at 12:35 PM on November 24, 2007
In addition to your responsibility to your successors, the project you were working on will be hurt far more if volunteers continue to get raped and the problem eventually comes to light. I suspect that there is a greater chance that the program will remain in place if the organization discovers it sooner rather than later.
posted by Krrrlson at 12:43 PM on November 24, 2007
posted by Krrrlson at 12:43 PM on November 24, 2007
I am terribly, terribly sorry this happened to you.
I nth everyone who says you need to speak out. I have had the experience of speaking out in a very difficult situation, and maybe I was fortunate but... I found it very healing when I discovered that the organisation in question made significant changes to their staffing and protocols in light of what happened. It helped me feel more empowered again. I wish that for you, too.
What I can't say is if the opposite had happened - nothing, or being told to shut up and go away - I would have felt worse, or more victimised. That is a risk you need to prepare yourself for, but hopefully that won't happen.
What I really posted to say, though, is: when you want/are ready to go into counseling, the organisation in question should pay for it. For as long as you need. Don't let them wiggle out of that, no matter what they say.
posted by DarlingBri at 12:54 PM on November 24, 2007
I nth everyone who says you need to speak out. I have had the experience of speaking out in a very difficult situation, and maybe I was fortunate but... I found it very healing when I discovered that the organisation in question made significant changes to their staffing and protocols in light of what happened. It helped me feel more empowered again. I wish that for you, too.
What I can't say is if the opposite had happened - nothing, or being told to shut up and go away - I would have felt worse, or more victimised. That is a risk you need to prepare yourself for, but hopefully that won't happen.
What I really posted to say, though, is: when you want/are ready to go into counseling, the organisation in question should pay for it. For as long as you need. Don't let them wiggle out of that, no matter what they say.
posted by DarlingBri at 12:54 PM on November 24, 2007
I'm really sorry that happened to you.
I hear your concerns about what might happen to the program if you tell your NGO, but I think you have a moral obligation to inform so that they can try to better protect their volunteers, and so that the next volunteer can make a decision that weighs his or her personal safety and the good that could be done.
Plus, that belief that if you tell, bad things will happen, it's part of why rape sucks so much.
You will feel better if you tell.
posted by thehmsbeagle at 1:57 PM on November 24, 2007
I hear your concerns about what might happen to the program if you tell your NGO, but I think you have a moral obligation to inform so that they can try to better protect their volunteers, and so that the next volunteer can make a decision that weighs his or her personal safety and the good that could be done.
Plus, that belief that if you tell, bad things will happen, it's part of why rape sucks so much.
You will feel better if you tell.
posted by thehmsbeagle at 1:57 PM on November 24, 2007
I am so very sorry to hear that happened to you. How kind of you to think about other people who may be adversely affected by speaking out at this point. I agree with the others, the org needs to be informed about the risks they pass on to their volunteers. Also, speaking out about the reality of the environment in that country may help their civilians too.
I hope you are coping and finding the support you need.
posted by MiffyCLB at 2:17 PM on November 24, 2007
I hope you are coping and finding the support you need.
posted by MiffyCLB at 2:17 PM on November 24, 2007
I respectfully disagree with those saying your first obligation is necessarily to tell your organization. I think that when you are ready to do so, and when you think that any pain you will go through in reporting the incident is outweighed by the necessity to inform them, then you should. It is possible that the person who did this is quite dangerous, or the area is very dangerous, which would necessitate you telling them sooner. Or it is possible that this is just an isolated incident, and there is nominal danger to future volunteers. You know better than us, probably. Of course, if you are unsure, you definitely should err on the side of caution.
But with that said, the most important thing right now is getting help for yourself. You should get a medical exam, and seek some sort of counseling. Getting some sort of support can help you determine when is the right time to report the incident. If those there after you are harmed, and you have not reported the incident, it is absolutely not your fault. It is the fault of the perpetrator(s) of those harms for taking advantage of a social climate that makes it so difficult for their victims to speak out, and fight sex crimes. I wish you good luck in finding the strength to report your rape as soon as possible.
posted by gauchodaspampas at 2:29 PM on November 24, 2007
But with that said, the most important thing right now is getting help for yourself. You should get a medical exam, and seek some sort of counseling. Getting some sort of support can help you determine when is the right time to report the incident. If those there after you are harmed, and you have not reported the incident, it is absolutely not your fault. It is the fault of the perpetrator(s) of those harms for taking advantage of a social climate that makes it so difficult for their victims to speak out, and fight sex crimes. I wish you good luck in finding the strength to report your rape as soon as possible.
posted by gauchodaspampas at 2:29 PM on November 24, 2007
I have always had the belief that there is no way that you can truly help others until you help yourself. You need to tell the organization, so they can take adequate measures so this (hopefully) will not happen again. If the volunteers are not protected, how can they safely help others? I can't believe that they could.
I am nthing treatment for you as well. I know you didn't ask, but I truly feel for you. You sound like a very strong person, but it may help to go and talk to someone. It never hurts to try. I wish you the best of luck.
posted by slc228 at 2:42 PM on November 24, 2007
I am nthing treatment for you as well. I know you didn't ask, but I truly feel for you. You sound like a very strong person, but it may help to go and talk to someone. It never hurts to try. I wish you the best of luck.
posted by slc228 at 2:42 PM on November 24, 2007
When I was in the Peace Corps, I knew of several sexual assaults. Some of the women chose to tell the Peace Corps medical staff and the country director; others chose to seek support privately and did not tell the PC staff. Every organization is different (and in the case of Peace Corps, each country's program can be very different), so there probably isn't one overall answer to give. But in retrospect, I think that telling the organization -- at the time, or later -- is the right thing to do, because it lets them make choices to protect their volunteers and staff. It can be as simple as an announcement at an annual meeting ("hey, be safe out there") or as severe as pulling volunteers out of vulnerable areas, changing travel policies, and so on.
From what I saw (as an observer, rather than a direct participant), the Peace Corps sexual assault response was pretty decent -- after they received the phone call, they would send a vehicle with high-level program and medical staff (and armed guards if necessary), bring the volunteer back to the capital for support and counseling for as long as needed, sometimes send them home for more services, and immediately contact other volunteers who may have been at risk. However, friends who served in other countries reported much more lackluster responses -- not all country directors take these things as seriously as they should. And other organizations that I have seen, or have worked with, have really run the gamut from taking volunteer and staff safety with great seriousness to being irresponsibly cavalier.
Your concern for the community members who would be affected if the program is curtailed or ended is laudable. But too often international development workers take their own safety and comfort too lightly -- you see this the most frequently with both refusing to take malaria prophylaxes, and in taking huge risks on unsafe transportation. The community members can only be helped in the long term if the aid workers are safe and healthy. If your speaking out can push change in this direction, it will be to the long-term benefit of the host community.
So I think you should speak out, contacting at least the program director or country director in the organization with whom you worked, and ideally also contacting their high-level headquarters staff (assuming that they are based in the US or Europe). I don't know if there is a way to do so anonymously (perhaps through a lawyer?); you may not be able to completely protect your privacy if you do this. But not doing so will continue to leave volunteers and staff at risk, and prevent the organization from making changes sooner rather than later.
And lastly but far from least, make sure you are getting whatever ongoing support or treatment that you need. If you get ongoing health coverage from the organization you worked with for problems relating to your service (as is the case with Peace Corps), it might be worth it to do the paperwork to make them pay for the cost of therapy/doctor's visits/etc. But the specifics of that depend totally on where you live, with whom you worked, etc, so that advice may not apply to you at all. (Because health care in the US is not universal, this matters a lot here, but not at all in some other countries.)
posted by Forktine at 3:13 PM on November 24, 2007
From what I saw (as an observer, rather than a direct participant), the Peace Corps sexual assault response was pretty decent -- after they received the phone call, they would send a vehicle with high-level program and medical staff (and armed guards if necessary), bring the volunteer back to the capital for support and counseling for as long as needed, sometimes send them home for more services, and immediately contact other volunteers who may have been at risk. However, friends who served in other countries reported much more lackluster responses -- not all country directors take these things as seriously as they should. And other organizations that I have seen, or have worked with, have really run the gamut from taking volunteer and staff safety with great seriousness to being irresponsibly cavalier.
Your concern for the community members who would be affected if the program is curtailed or ended is laudable. But too often international development workers take their own safety and comfort too lightly -- you see this the most frequently with both refusing to take malaria prophylaxes, and in taking huge risks on unsafe transportation. The community members can only be helped in the long term if the aid workers are safe and healthy. If your speaking out can push change in this direction, it will be to the long-term benefit of the host community.
So I think you should speak out, contacting at least the program director or country director in the organization with whom you worked, and ideally also contacting their high-level headquarters staff (assuming that they are based in the US or Europe). I don't know if there is a way to do so anonymously (perhaps through a lawyer?); you may not be able to completely protect your privacy if you do this. But not doing so will continue to leave volunteers and staff at risk, and prevent the organization from making changes sooner rather than later.
And lastly but far from least, make sure you are getting whatever ongoing support or treatment that you need. If you get ongoing health coverage from the organization you worked with for problems relating to your service (as is the case with Peace Corps), it might be worth it to do the paperwork to make them pay for the cost of therapy/doctor's visits/etc. But the specifics of that depend totally on where you live, with whom you worked, etc, so that advice may not apply to you at all. (Because health care in the US is not universal, this matters a lot here, but not at all in some other countries.)
posted by Forktine at 3:13 PM on November 24, 2007
the identity and affiliation of the assailant is critical to any determination.
posted by Mr_Crazyhorse at 3:21 PM on November 24, 2007
posted by Mr_Crazyhorse at 3:21 PM on November 24, 2007
Do I tell the organization?
Charitable organizations are trying to create positive change while dealing with obstacles. I'm sure that's the basic mission that your organization has, and I'm sure that it's the mission you and all the other volunteers signed on to participate in.
One of the hardest parts of carrying out this kind of mission is to identify the obstacles so they can be addressed. What are the obstacles? How are we as an organization going to confront and prepare for and deal with them?
What happened to you is awful. It shouldn't have happened, and I am sorry that it happened to you. I do believe that you should be able to trust the organization you chose to work with to recognize this truth; and, more, you should trust them to address the concerns and fears it raises about their ability to do their work safely in the future.
In the long run what happened to you isn't any good for anyone. It harmed you, it doesn't further anyone's goals, it harms the work of the organization, it makes life harder for everyone in the country.
That's not your fault. It's not wholly your organization's fault either, but to the extent it is, it needs to be addressed.
Put the blame where it lies - on the criminal who assaulted you, on the society and systems and process in place that made you a target and failed to protect you as they should have - and do what you are able to do to ensure a safer and better work environment for the future.
This may mean eventually telling the organization what happened to you - if you feel you are able to do that. If you are strong enough to bear the additional trauma of recounting, of being stigmatized as a victim, of having your story gone over and possibly publically questioned, of enduring others' well-meaning pity.
But when you do that, if you do that, do it in a way such that you respect your own experience and your grief. Take a friend or a reporter with you to the meeting where you explain what happened to you, if you feel that would help. Don't feel you need to go it alone.
posted by ikkyu2 at 3:24 PM on November 24, 2007
Charitable organizations are trying to create positive change while dealing with obstacles. I'm sure that's the basic mission that your organization has, and I'm sure that it's the mission you and all the other volunteers signed on to participate in.
One of the hardest parts of carrying out this kind of mission is to identify the obstacles so they can be addressed. What are the obstacles? How are we as an organization going to confront and prepare for and deal with them?
What happened to you is awful. It shouldn't have happened, and I am sorry that it happened to you. I do believe that you should be able to trust the organization you chose to work with to recognize this truth; and, more, you should trust them to address the concerns and fears it raises about their ability to do their work safely in the future.
In the long run what happened to you isn't any good for anyone. It harmed you, it doesn't further anyone's goals, it harms the work of the organization, it makes life harder for everyone in the country.
That's not your fault. It's not wholly your organization's fault either, but to the extent it is, it needs to be addressed.
Put the blame where it lies - on the criminal who assaulted you, on the society and systems and process in place that made you a target and failed to protect you as they should have - and do what you are able to do to ensure a safer and better work environment for the future.
This may mean eventually telling the organization what happened to you - if you feel you are able to do that. If you are strong enough to bear the additional trauma of recounting, of being stigmatized as a victim, of having your story gone over and possibly publically questioned, of enduring others' well-meaning pity.
But when you do that, if you do that, do it in a way such that you respect your own experience and your grief. Take a friend or a reporter with you to the meeting where you explain what happened to you, if you feel that would help. Don't feel you need to go it alone.
posted by ikkyu2 at 3:24 PM on November 24, 2007
Perhaps the volunteer position you held is simply not a safe position for a woman -- or a small woman, or a woman without self defense training, or a woman who does not wish to work in an environment where past workers have been assaulted -- to hold. I imagine the organization you volunteered for can choose to allocate its human resources based on information including your assault. Coming forward need not be the end of the program, but the facts of what happened to you seems very much something that should become common knowledge for volunteers on the ground and administrators assigning and working with these volunteers. Would you not tell someone behind you on a trail that you had been bitten by a snake?
posted by Scram at 4:07 PM on November 24, 2007
posted by Scram at 4:07 PM on November 24, 2007
I am very sorry that this happened to you. I wish you strength and support in your healing.
I also believe that you should tell.
posted by bitteroldman at 5:01 PM on November 24, 2007
I also believe that you should tell.
posted by bitteroldman at 5:01 PM on November 24, 2007
I am so sorry.
I support everyone else that says speak up, but I understand that can be very difficult to do. Is it possible to speak to a counselor, and allow the counselor to speak to the organization on your behalf? Or for the both of you to speak together?
Lots of hugs and love to you.
posted by divabat at 5:54 PM on November 24, 2007
I support everyone else that says speak up, but I understand that can be very difficult to do. Is it possible to speak to a counselor, and allow the counselor to speak to the organization on your behalf? Or for the both of you to speak together?
Lots of hugs and love to you.
posted by divabat at 5:54 PM on November 24, 2007
As with everyone else here, I agree that you really do need to tell the organisation, if only so they can protect the volunteer there now and those who follow him or her. I understand that the project might get pulled from doing so, and the people in this country may need outside help, but if someone else gets raped there again, that's something you'll have to love with and given the terrible trauma you've already got to work through having been raped yourself, you owe it to your own mental health to ensure nothing else gets in the way of your recovery.
And, just as with everyone else here, I am so, so sorry that this has happened to you. My thoughts are with you.
posted by Effigy2000 at 1:46 AM on November 25, 2007
And, just as with everyone else here, I am so, so sorry that this has happened to you. My thoughts are with you.
posted by Effigy2000 at 1:46 AM on November 25, 2007
Why does everyone always suggest therapy? Therapists can be such crocks.
I think you should inform the organization, mainly because they need to keep statistics on this sort of thing, especially if they are receiving govt funding.
posted by onepapertiger at 10:18 AM on November 25, 2007
I think you should inform the organization, mainly because they need to keep statistics on this sort of thing, especially if they are receiving govt funding.
posted by onepapertiger at 10:18 AM on November 25, 2007
Follow-up from someone who would prefer to remain anonymous. Anon, please contact me if you'd like to be put in touch.
Dear anon,
My heartfelt sympathies and anger. Let me tell you what happens to someone when it isn't reported:
I was the victim of a gang-rape at the age of 13. My parents felt the best way to handle this was to hush it up, explain my injuries and hospitalisation as a car-accident, and NOT report it. There was a bit of vigilante justice it appears, but no official report or, indeed, resolution.
I can honestly say that not one single week of my life has gone by where I do not imagine these men doing the same thing to another 13 year old. I am now 42 years old. When I feel low or under particular stress those thoughts are magnified and I often feel guilty and panicky.
What if I'd been stronger and managed to overide my parents well meant intentions? Could I have stopped the attackers hurting someone else? I feel an unreasonable anger towards my (now-deceased) parents for 1. not protecting me and 2. not protecting those potential others. Those potential others are the ghosts of my conscience.
Not knowing the answer to those questions, is a slow poison that I will constantly have to deal with, along with all the other issues that rape forces on our psyche.
I offer this only to say to you that a time may come when you wish with all your heart you had said something only then, as for me, it will be too late. Because you're clearly a caring individual I believe that the potential impact on another woman will cause you anguish in the future. Along with all the other arguments in the thread, and to strenghten the apparent consensus, please do tell.
posted by jessamyn at 10:25 AM on November 25, 2007 [1 favorite]
Dear anon,
My heartfelt sympathies and anger. Let me tell you what happens to someone when it isn't reported:
I was the victim of a gang-rape at the age of 13. My parents felt the best way to handle this was to hush it up, explain my injuries and hospitalisation as a car-accident, and NOT report it. There was a bit of vigilante justice it appears, but no official report or, indeed, resolution.
I can honestly say that not one single week of my life has gone by where I do not imagine these men doing the same thing to another 13 year old. I am now 42 years old. When I feel low or under particular stress those thoughts are magnified and I often feel guilty and panicky.
What if I'd been stronger and managed to overide my parents well meant intentions? Could I have stopped the attackers hurting someone else? I feel an unreasonable anger towards my (now-deceased) parents for 1. not protecting me and 2. not protecting those potential others. Those potential others are the ghosts of my conscience.
Not knowing the answer to those questions, is a slow poison that I will constantly have to deal with, along with all the other issues that rape forces on our psyche.
I offer this only to say to you that a time may come when you wish with all your heart you had said something only then, as for me, it will be too late. Because you're clearly a caring individual I believe that the potential impact on another woman will cause you anguish in the future. Along with all the other arguments in the thread, and to strenghten the apparent consensus, please do tell.
posted by jessamyn at 10:25 AM on November 25, 2007 [1 favorite]
anonymous, this is a very courageous thing you are considering and I give you so much credit for doing so. I imagine that it's an additional heavy burden to be weighing the outcomes you are anticipating from whatever action you take. I too feel that whatever you feel strong enough to do is good enough. None of this is your fault: nothing you could have done, including deciding to volunteer in an isolated situation, could have made this your fault. If someone else decides to do the same thing, knowing what you know or not, and is raped, nothing could have made it their fault, and it will not be your fault either if you don't tell. The fault for that rests with the person who raped you.
You are in possession of a powerful truth. You are not responsible for the way the organization responds to the truth. Telling people about your truth may or may not stop people from being raped, because the person who assaulted you is responsible for that. Telling your truth may give other people the chance to do something with it, to take steps to help make them feel safer, to minimize the risk they feel they have, to raise awareness, or to ignore it completely. A part of me feels that while you can't control what people do with the truth, the world is better for the chance to deal with a reality that includes it.
(Scram writes: "Perhaps the volunteer position you held is simply not a safe position for a woman -- or a small woman, or a woman without self defense training, or a woman who does not wish to work in an environment where past workers have been assaulted -- to hold." Maybe it's just the wording of this, but I have to say: we know that women are raped whether they are small or large, whether they have self-defense training or not, right?)
Such a tough situation, anonymous. Over the past day I've been thinking about you and struggled to articulate how I feel; I can only imagine how difficult this whole process must be for you. You have a lot of us here rooting for you and sending you good thoughts.
posted by onoclea at 2:42 PM on November 25, 2007
You are in possession of a powerful truth. You are not responsible for the way the organization responds to the truth. Telling people about your truth may or may not stop people from being raped, because the person who assaulted you is responsible for that. Telling your truth may give other people the chance to do something with it, to take steps to help make them feel safer, to minimize the risk they feel they have, to raise awareness, or to ignore it completely. A part of me feels that while you can't control what people do with the truth, the world is better for the chance to deal with a reality that includes it.
(Scram writes: "Perhaps the volunteer position you held is simply not a safe position for a woman -- or a small woman, or a woman without self defense training, or a woman who does not wish to work in an environment where past workers have been assaulted -- to hold." Maybe it's just the wording of this, but I have to say: we know that women are raped whether they are small or large, whether they have self-defense training or not, right?)
Such a tough situation, anonymous. Over the past day I've been thinking about you and struggled to articulate how I feel; I can only imagine how difficult this whole process must be for you. You have a lot of us here rooting for you and sending you good thoughts.
posted by onoclea at 2:42 PM on November 25, 2007
When I was in the Peace Corps we learned of cases where volunteer women were not following the advice of their local female counterparts and as a result put themselves in a position to be in danger.
I hope all people going to work in other countries try to follow local suggestions as closely as possible. Even if they don't agree with your Americanized sensitivities.
Please stay safe out there.
posted by tarvuz at 6:10 PM on November 25, 2007
I hope all people going to work in other countries try to follow local suggestions as closely as possible. Even if they don't agree with your Americanized sensitivities.
Please stay safe out there.
posted by tarvuz at 6:10 PM on November 25, 2007
That last post was not meant to be directed at the original poster. In fact I hope people take from it that when going to other cultural situations that one must be very willing to learn how to stay safe as best as possible. However I realize that sometimes there is nothing to be done.
Sorry.
posted by tarvuz at 6:16 PM on November 25, 2007
Sorry.
posted by tarvuz at 6:16 PM on November 25, 2007
Why does everyone always suggest therapy? Therapists can be such crocks.
I don't know why others suggest it, but I do because I know firsthand the value of a professional who is trained to help people cope, gain perspective to help them make good choices, and make them aware of what they might not be.
Sure, therapists can be crocks. So can mechanics, doctors, and lawyers. But we still need the professional services of the ones who aren't crocks.
posted by Rykey at 4:58 PM on November 27, 2007
I don't know why others suggest it, but I do because I know firsthand the value of a professional who is trained to help people cope, gain perspective to help them make good choices, and make them aware of what they might not be.
Sure, therapists can be crocks. So can mechanics, doctors, and lawyers. But we still need the professional services of the ones who aren't crocks.
posted by Rykey at 4:58 PM on November 27, 2007
« Older Now that I've written it, I'm already feeling bad... | Blogs by car/child/pet-free writers Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
I understand that you want to preserve the project there. I do think you should tell the organization so that they can take action to make this a safer project for future volunteers. Rape happens everywhere, and the people in charge of coordinating volunteers need to address the issues you mention like extreme isolation. (Working with 'buddies', regular check-in's with coordinators or other staff, etc).
You could consider talking to your replacement first to let her/him know what might be coming down the pike, so that person could prepare their response. They might want to leave when they hear what happened to you, or they may want to form an argument about why they want to stay.
Also, it is probably a good idea for you to get some follow up health care now that you're back here. Even if you dont' have insurance you should be able to get low-cost service at a Planned Parenthood. Or the local rape crisis hotline should be able to give you referals to an appropriate clinic.
You're clearly doing your best to be responsible to others right now. I know that you'll be able to direct that energy to taking care of yourself too.
I'm sorry this happened.
posted by serazin at 10:54 AM on November 24, 2007 [1 favorite]