I've been having Cuckold fantasies for the better part of my long-term relationship now. My girlfriend does not approve, on the contrary, she's appalled. I don't want to lose her, but ordinary sex just doesn't interest me a lot anymore. What to do?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (25 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Here's the long, slightly anachronistic, version: I've been in this relationship for almost six years now. My girlfriend was the first woman I had actual sexual intercourse with, mostly because somehow with my earlier girlfriends I had "performance" problems, for reasons unknown (to me, at least). Well, so having sex with her was great! For the first few years. Then, frequency declined. After a while I talked to my girlfriend about it, we had quite a few long talks, where it just turned out that she had a rather low sex-drive. So we tried spicing things up a bit, bought a couple of books on the subject, read them to each other, bought some very low profile sex-toys (plush handcuffs, a sex-game for two, etc.). Things looked promising, but somehow, after a few months, it all faded back into the way it was before.
Starting sometime maybe in our second year, I noticed my fondness for the idea of seeing my girlfriend having sex with another guy (woman too, but that's nothing out of the ordinary, or so I've heard). First it was just her having sex with someone else, but the more I read about the "hotwife" lifestyle, the more I fantasized about the cuckold lifestyle, where she not only has sex with others, but humiliates me in the course of it as well.
About two years ago, during casual conversation, I mentioned the fantasy of her having sex with someone else. Drama ensued, for she couldn't understand how I could get off on seeing the woman I love having sex with someone else. Since I myself had not really figured out where that fantasy came from, my explanations didn't help. Needless to say, I never touched upon the subject again.
Today, the fantasy hasn't disappeared. On the contrary, it's an obsession now, and it occupies my life like nothing else. Now, I'm reflective enough to realize that my fantasy may just stem from the fact that she is in fact everything but a woman who would have sex with someone else, that she's in fact very much into plain Vanilla sex and not in need of a whole lot of it either. Fantasizing about her being a woman who fucks whoever she wants, may just be the kind of fantasy for someone whose girlfriend just doesn't care about sex much.
But even if it is a fantasy with an easily trackable root, what can I do to take my mind off that damn obsession? I spend more time scouring the web for cuckolding resources, chatting with people who are into that kind of thing, etc. than working on my long-due thesis.
Basically, my sexual frustration has taken over my life, and it's really hard to keep up the pretense of leading a normal life, when in reality I'm being eaten up by my sexual desires. Having normal sex just doesn't do anything for me anymore, especially because my girlfriend is not interested in anything else than cuddly Vanilla-sex. Which I really don't think is a bad thing, it's just nothing I'm very interested in anymore at that point.
So finally, here's my question: Am I doomed? I don't want to leave my girlfriend, because I love her, regardless of the fact that we are so different when it comes to sexual desires. But I too don't want to lead that double life: normal boyfriend here, perverted non-Vanilla sex-fiend there.