Recommend me a vibrator (tune in, turn on, get off).

November 6, 2007 10:40 PM

Dear AskMe women: help me buy a vibrator!

I'm having trouble finding a vibrator that fits my picky wants, but isn't too expensive. I'm looking for something that offers solid g-spot stimulation, but is good for "ordinary" penetration, too. (and I'd like to be able to switch easily between the two, so I'm not so keen on a Magic Wand with attachments). It seems like there should be a vibrator with a bendy joint in the middle (like a lamp with an adjustable neck), but I've never seen anything like it. I'll get it in an instant if it does exist, though!

I'd love to find something with a variable vibration setting (i.e. pulsates AND vibrates!). I'd also love to try something like the rabbit pearl (with rotating beads I mean; the little clit-stimulator thing would drive me up a wall and not in the good way!), though I have no idea if I'd like it.

Finally, not too expensive. I'm thinking >$50, but for the sake of flexibility, let's pretend I can spend $80 (internal refrain: "$80 on sex toys when children are starving to death and you still have both your hands for getting off?!" so I'd like to keep the neurotic liberal/developed world guilt at bay!).

For what it's worth, I have a very low sex drive, and (because of that, or in addition to it) my orgasms are frequently underwhelming. As in, the build-up implies that I'm in for some kind of stereotypical earth-shattering release, but instead it's a two second twitch that barely feels like an orgasm, except that I know it is (I know my body quite well, there's a normal post-orgasmic response, etc). I know this is a whole 'nother anon AskMe can of worms, and one that I can open at a later date in a different question. But in part I'm hoping that the novelty of a new, awesome vibrator may help to jumpstart my brain/vagina, so if any women can vouch for a particular magic gadget, I'd love to hear about it!

(And, of course, I'm sorry for asking such a potentially personal question anonymously; my co-workers read this, tho!)

posted by anonymous to sports, hobbies, & recreation (17 comments total)

Kegels will help your orgasms feel a LOT stronger.

I'd check out Womyn's Wear, they have great reviews and are very low-bullshit--I figure you'll know what you want when you see it. Or if you're in the NY area, check out a Babeland for the personal touch--they are very mellow and can help you find what you're looking for.

Good luck.
posted by sondrialiac at 11:14 PM on November 6, 2007

One of these? The Beehive at the top, perhaps? I really put a lot of stock in blowfish. Look around there and you'll see why.

Also, I don't want to tell you your body, but I wonder if finding a way to enjoy more direct clitoral stimulation might be the jey to mind-blowing. My vaginal & G-spot orgasms are (forgive the metaphor) earthy. The clitoral ones are rockets to the moon.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:38 PM on November 6, 2007

Criminy, then there's the Bendy Vibe. Probably want to use an adjustable bullet with it instead of the one it comes with, though.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:40 PM on November 6, 2007

I think it's an absolute travesty that there are only three responses to this thread. Come on, ladies!

I can't recommend a vibrator, but I do recommend you get your hands on The Guide to Getting it On, which I believe has a chapter on female masturbation *and* a chapter on vulva massage (which requires the aid of a partner). It also has some great insights on how to build up your orgasms and make them feel even better.

The whole kegel muscles thing involves keeping pee from going out I think, so you might find that your orgasms feel more intense (or, at least, more interesting) if you really, really have to pee while you're going at yourself.
posted by Deathalicious at 3:16 AM on November 7, 2007

Oh, and since I actually get asked this a lot on the blue/green/gray: I'm a dude.
posted by Deathalicious at 3:17 AM on November 7, 2007

I think it's an absolute travesty that there are only three responses to this thread. Come on, ladies!

Well, what do you expect with the Magic Wand being ruled out?
posted by kmennie at 3:37 AM on November 7, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I can't give a personal suggestion based on the criteria, but if you don't want to go to a female friendly sex toy shop, I suggest you call and talk to someone who works there. Try Eve's Garden (Retail Store & Product Questions 800-848-3837 Tue-Sat 11am-7pm).

And unless you are taking $80 out of your budget that you usually use to feed starving children, please don't feel guilty about buying something that will make you feel good.
posted by spec80 at 4:59 AM on November 7, 2007

Deathalicious: Oh, and since I actually get asked this a lot on the blue/green/gray: I'm a dude.

Nothing personal, really -- but I've always wondered why men come and answer these questions which are pretty clearly not answerable by them. It's nice to want to help, but usually these answers are vague, uninformed, misinformed, or not actually helpful. (For example, the terribly frequent "my ex-girlfriend used to..." tack. Sometimes I want to say, Does your ex-girlfriend know you're talking about her vagina on the Internet?)

Anyway.

Those are some pretty specific requirements -- I can give you a couple of tips but they might not suit you. It sure is fun to try stuff though. You kind of can't go wrong.

My life partner is this one. I actually wrote the fawning review on that page.

I also own/ed a mini g-spot vibe and a rabbit-pearl-type one. The g-spot one was alright -- it had the variable settings you wanted, but I actually found them in practice to be kind of distracting or even annoying. I guess I instinctually direct the movement where it's needed when it's needed, so a mechanical pulse, with no ability to perceive where and when it's needed, doesn't have the finesse I would like. The g-spot aspect was an extended tip, but quite truthfully it didn't seem to have a huge impact on the area the way I'd expected. The motor was still in the shaft and thus that's where the majority of the vibration is. (Where the motor is located is pretty important.) I ended up returning this one because it died. To be honest I was not heartbroken about it. (But it's good to note that reputable sex shops like Come As You Are will give refunds for stuff that doesn't perform.)

The rabbit-pearl-type one is overall disappointing. It is not difficult for me to grind the entire thing to a halt just by clenching my PC muscles a bit, which I tend to do, I guess. Which is super frustrating because I start to enjoy it and I clench a bit and the whole thing makes this record-player-dying sound as it slows down and stops. I let go and it starts back up again. I end up feeling like I have to surrender to it, which might be a good thing, but it makes the process a little more "thinky" than I really care for it to be. It's battery-operated, so maybe an electric one would be stronger. To be honest? I'm not crazy about putting a cute animal or some FACE against my genitals, it just feels creepy. Finally, it's insanely loud -- all the rabbit-pearl ones I have tried in-store have been very loud, like whiny and grindy. And you're right, the clitoral part is not placed right for me, and it's just annoying (although the joint between the two pieces is pleasant).

So I'll tell you why I like my favourite. It it a very (cough) realistic size but it's not *too* realistic. (Some have a few too many veins and stuff or are too realistic in colour for my taste.) It doesn't have any cartoon characters or smiley faces on it. It's long enough to really go to town on, vaginally speaking. It's got a strong motor, a swivelly variable-speed dial (which is more precise than a click-click-click lo/med/hi settings one.) You can use it on the g-spot specifically, to generally penetrate, or externally. (I usually take a little from each column.) It's been insanely reliable, it's waterproof, it takes 2xAA batteries (I use rechargeables and can't even remember the last time I had to charge them) and it's really quiet.

So, it's not precisely relevant, but maybe you can use some of that info. I recommend the shop I linked to, if you're in Canada. (They probably ship elsewhere but our dollar is strong so it might not be in your interest.)

To be honest, though, I really recommend going to a shop in person and actually holding them in your hand to feel how they work. There are so many options and it can be totally impossible to get an idea of the surface feel or the power of a vibrator without actually picking it up. Some materials may kind of give you the willies ("cyberskin" gives me nightmares), or maybe one is great looking but underwhelming in strength. The best thing you can do for your money and your vadge is go in person. If you want to tell the admins the city you live in, someone can surely recommend you a independent woman-friendly store in your area. They are really way less scary than they might seem, and when you realise the staff aren't uncomfortable with talking about different toys, the weird factor disappears entirely.

Your first vibrator! This is so exciting! I would totally go shopping with you if you lived near me.
posted by loiseau at 5:30 AM on November 7, 2007

Hey, what do you know, I actually have the Rabbit Pearl. I thought it was just one of the many clones. So the link above is wrong. (And yeah, the battery pack is annoying.). I don't know if I specified but I rarely use it.
posted by loiseau at 5:33 AM on November 7, 2007

To the OP: something like these? Unfortunately I have no idea how well any of these work, I'm just putting my research skills into practice. You're going to have to find out if they're available in your part of the world on your own, though.

To Deathalicious: Maybe it's because most people aren't comfortable talking about sex toys in public? Because, while anonymous posts are possible, anonymous comments aren't, and our posting history is accessible? Because anonymous would probably have got more answers if she'd been able to include a suitable throwaway email address in her post?

To loiseau: "I'm not crazy about putting a cute animal or some FACE against my genitals, it just feels creepy." Seconded so, so much. Just who is it that thinks 'Girls like dolphins. Girls like vibrators. Therefore, a vibrator with a tip shaped like a dolphin's head (as featured in the Blowfish link above) will be made of win!'?? Or a perfectly good vibrator with a mouse stuck on it, ffs?

To the OP again: while I also have no desire to ever play with anything with the 'bunny ears'-style stuck-on bit, I would suggest that you may find it enhances your experience to have some sort of external source of vibration, as Ambrosia Voyeur also suggests.
posted by Lebannen at 6:53 AM on November 7, 2007

The rabbit part of my Rabbit Habit DIED after a year or two, but the pearl part lives on! The little rabbit guy is really flexible and you can just turn him off, so don't rule it out.

(loiseau, I always get really proud of myself when I can turn it off with my PC muscles!)

There's a vibrator called the Twinsu that looks like it might be up your alley, but it's way out of your price range and I had trouble finding it online, so I'm wondering if it's discontinued? I also thought of the Flex-O-Pleaser, which is cheap and would hit all the right spots, but isn't phallic or thrusty. (A lot of the vibes on that page do look good, though.)

My collection of vibes serves a different purpose from what you're looking for -- I don't get earth-shattering orgasms from G-spot stimulation (more like "oh, that's interesting"), I'm mostly a clit person. I have the Magic Wand and it is the greatest thing ever, and if you do reconsider, get this awesome silicone attachment which I am saving up my money for. And if you don't like the Magic Wand, you can always use it on your back or something.

I agree with the above posts - if there's one in the area and if you're up to it, go to a female-friendly shop and ask for recommendations.
posted by Metroid Baby at 7:23 AM on November 7, 2007

Ask the experts at Good Vibrations.
posted by theora55 at 9:13 AM on November 7, 2007

I don't think my work is done here. I play this part with my girlfreinds enough, I wonder if I should start a naughty lady party company. Only really naughty. No pear-glitter massage lotion, plz.

First, don't be chintzy on this. You have to put some capital out there for trial and error. If/When you get something that works for you like never before (and this has been the experience of many women with regard to sex toys) it will be well, well worth the money. Worth more than the lattes or shoes or virtually any other goods you could buy with it. This is THE reason to live in a western nation. Enjoy your priviledge. You may even find your sex drive isn't so low after all when you pin down a method for dimension-rending screaming mimis.

So, elaborating on what I said upthread about the clitoral vs. vaginal/g-spot orgasms, I personally have always found inside vibrators to be a little numbing, and while I will still orgasm under those circumstances eventually, it will be a sorry little pffffewwww fizzly one. I know it's a weird comparison, but like an airy whoosh fart instead of a great big tuba sounding ripper. What a lady I am, eh?

You've said two things that catch my eye: that you've got two hands and that you wouldn't like that little buzzing rabbit. I'm in the same boat. Don't give my clit an indiscriminate tickle, it's kind of like poking me in the eye. Makes me flinch. However, local strong vibrations done just so are way, way different. And you can do the pearls' work yourself, more or less. So I looked for what you asked for up above, but what it sounds like you should really try is a regular old dildo that you jimmy around in there yourself, with the left hand (or can keep stationary while you shag it, and a solid, trustworthy clit vibe. This is my family recipe.

It's misleading for women who get into masturbation with toys that vibrators are usually phallic. They think "Oh, this goes in here," well not always, sister. No matter what shape, they can all be tried on your clit. Word to the wise: some are too buzzy and not ...thumpy? enough. Like, some say "fizzzz" when they should say "fuzzzz". I actually reach a point in my modesty here where I refrain to show you examples of each kind, success and failure, per my review. Just keep this in mind and make it happen.

Spend the money and don't give up.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:34 AM on November 7, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

Also... this is not exactly what you're looking for, but if you're just looking for a new source of stimulation that might get you off in new ways: have you played with your butt at all? If you haven't, give it a try. My orgasms are awesome when I've got something in there - small and stationary is fine.

The best part is you don't even have to buy a new toy; a well-lubed finger will do the job.

That goes for the OP and everyone reading this, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. We all have asses, and they all have nerve endings. Vive le butt!
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:20 AM on November 7, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Metroid Baby has a point -- also I admit to having use the rabbit vibrator turned backwards on occasion. Poor bunny.

I'll admit to some ignorance about clitoral vs. vaginal/g-spot orgasms as I don't personally distinguish. I often use stimulation in both areas; otherwise it's just clitoral stimulation, and while the sensation is different because in the latter case there's nothing inside me, I don't get the whole "completely different orgasm" thing other women talk about. YMMV. Either way I'm quite happy. What's fun is learning to delay orgasm so that it stretches out for FOREVER at a time.

My latest fascination is this: The Cone. At once terrifying and arousing.
posted by loiseau at 1:14 PM on November 7, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I don't know what exactly would fit the bill for your requirements, but if you don't find an answer here, maybe email the blog owner at One Good Thing? She runs a woman-friendly online sex toy shop, and sometimes answers reader questions looking for some hyper-specific type of toy. She might be able to point you in the right direction.
posted by Stacey at 6:29 PM on November 7, 2007

follow-up from someone who would prefer to remain anonymous:

I have to completely second AV here. Two is the name of the game. And you can do this cheaply! First of all, get a normal, run of the mill, $10 number (something like this will work fine). Most of these will have variable speed/intensity, though maybe not pulsation. Secondly, get a bullet. There are lots of brands out there, but they're all made for the same thing and do it extremely well. You can pick one of these up for 10 to 15 dollars.

Now that you have two vibes, you don't necessarily have to use both of them at the same time. But this gives you flexibility. You can choose to use the bullet at your vulva or at your clit. You can use the phallic one at the vulva, clit, or vagina. And you can use the phallic one and the bullet one at the same time in any combination. As for g-spot stimulation, I've never had trouble with a regular phallic vibe used with the correct angle. The skin down there is pretty flexible; you can tilt the vibe into the correct position pretty easily. Also, with two vibes, you have more control over speed, intensity, or pulsation. It's much easier to find a bullet and/or phallic vibe that pulsates than to find an all-in-one.

Part of the fun of vibrators is taking the time to figure out what does it for you. Your hands won't get tired and there's no partner to get bored (at least, there doesn't have to be), so you can experiment and figure out what feels good and what works. In my opinion, having two vibes gives you more opportunity to figure out something that works. It also makes it easier to switch it up without buying new toys. And, as for the money, I consider $30 a year (these things will wear out and need to be replaced) a great investment for peace of mind and mental health.

posted by jessamyn at 9:15 PM on November 8, 2007