Am I going insane?
October 22, 2007 11:41 AM Subscribe
I've been depressed on and off for 20 years but this is new, and scary. (Contains probably too much information but I'm trying to cover any potential questions)
posted by anonymous to health & fitness (50 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
I'm in a weird state where I've been up for three days and feel great, empowered, just spent a lot of money I cannot afford (new computer, game systems, games, on-line purchases), and having weird thoughts involving my body (secreting acid, images of cutting it in unique patterns). I can't get my brain to stop spinning and I feel on the edge. I keep having paranoid thoughts that maybe my brain will take over and I'll kill myself when I don't want to.
This was preceded by some of the lowest lows I've ever had. (Constant thoughts of suicide, spontaneously crying every two seconds.)
Is this what they mean by mania? But how can I have that when I've never had it before. I kinda like it because I'm quite productive yet scared that it will go on forever. What can I do to stop it? Will it ever stop?
I've been diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder and have been depressed more or less for 20 years (It seems to include a genetic component [everyone in my family on father's side is/has been depressed] as well as triggers [brother's suicide, father's death within 2 month span]). Usually I know how to deal with it but this is new. It scares me, and I'm afraid of it.
I'm in Canada (B.C.) and have to wait three months between seeing psychiatrist but I do have an appointment in two weeks. (I have in the past phoned in to say I really need to talk to his predecessor (he left) and still had to wait a week. There is no other psychiatrist options left to me. [Small semi - isolated town, on disability for depression thus no money])I can get into to see a "therapist" but the last two times I did I was faced with odd dismissal of my sexuality (bi) as well as a few god related expressions that bothered me (atheist) and with another one called close-minded because I did not understand how goal sheets could help me not kill myself. She explicitly explained that they don't have the time to be all "Freud-like". One was helpful but she went on sick leave and never came back.
I'm on Effexor XR, Amitryptaline, Resperidone, Cogentin, Eltroxin (under-achieving thyroid that levels have never varied since on med), Metformin (glucose-intolerant), Multi-vitamin, D, C. The amitriptaline is new but I've been on it for a month and a half (mainly for sleep - I have strong recurrent insomnia and seem to be immune to all sleep meds) and aside from being nauseaus and a wee bit dizzy in the first three days have been fine.
I took some melatonin with it when I was first starting. Could that have triggered it? My doctor didn't say if it would mix with any meds but that when I was on Nozinan that it was fine to take it.
Are there tips on how to stop this? Personal stories? Something to reassure me that I'm not going full-on crazy and calm my paranoia? This has happened to others? Scared.
Sorry for the length. I can't seem to stop typing. Ah I'm dumb. sorry.