MedFilter: Looking for guidance on general chronic lethargic feeling (both physically and emotionally). (wordy)
I hate medfilter, long posts, and people who don't do their research first, and as such, I apologize for breaking two of these rules, but I have read every post related to depression. I have insurance. This is a long time lingering problem (6+ years) that I would seriously like to fix, and I have tried the normal channels and failed.
This is more of a 'who do I talk to, and what do I say' type of question, as I have seen both a psychiatrist and a doctor multiple times over the years to no avail.
I am chronically tired physically. I wake up exhausted, I feel tired to the point of exhausted at work, and in social situations. I don't have an overly stressful work situation, nor do I feel like I am over-anxious about social outings (specifically, though I am frequently over anxious about things, to the point of casual OCD, like checking creditcard bills online multiple times a day, knowing they wont be updated, etc). I have also for quite some time felt extremely depressed (to the point of regular suicidal thoughts), which I have attempted to address through both talk therapy, as well as medication (various SSRI's) which I am currently on (only medication).
I feel almost abandoned by 5-6 therapists who have more or less said you are fine mostly through my own omission, or not reading into things enough, or pushing hard enough even when asked to. But at the same point, I am there because I don't know what to address, or what the issue is.
The physical exhaustion/lack of energy seems to have its easiest explanation in a depressed mood, but could it be something else? I am overweight, and had a typical college kid whos moved out and lives on takeout and pizza/beer diet, but have slowly been organizing my life. I took the list of "things that make you less depressed
" to heart as much as possible, and have worked up to running 5k's (from not being able to run at all!), bike ~50 miles, and lost 30+lbs. I watch what I eat, and have slowly and sanely been losing weight. I sleep normal hours (7-8 hrs a night, standard bedtime/wake up time). I have tried a variety of diets (ie, less carbs, less refined sugars, no caffeine, none of which were 100%, but used as guidelines for a few weeks to see if they had any effect. Recently I've cut out all meats (vegetarian) and been doing that for 2-3 months with no ill effects. I have lived healthily for the last 2+ years (balanced diets, lots of water, getting out quite a bit).
I feel as though I shouldn't feel exhausted ALL the time, and be more motivated with this energy to do things (complete a few final classes, clean my apartment, be social), but all I feel like doing is sleeping most of the time, or feel like a zombie when im out and about, not really thinking more just observing.
So whats a depressed, but intelligent twenty something supposed to do? My doc is quick to put things off as normal (HMO syndrome?), and therapists seem useless.