She fucked a German dude, I'm selling her ring.

July 10, 2007 5:09 PM

Where can I sell a used engagement ring and get back as much of the original cost as possible?

So some of you may be familiar with my previous post about moving to DC (http://ask.metafilter.com/64801/Not-moving-to-DC-with-fiance-a-huge-mistake).

Well, that is no longer happening. In fact, I am completely through with my (now) ex because she cheated on me (several times) with some guy while she taught english in Thailand.

I have this beautiful engagement ring that she has been wearing for about a year, but is in great condition. I have the IGI certificate and the diamond, itself, is worth over $3,000.

How do I recoup my losses (at least monetarily)?

Also welcome: words of wisdom about getting overthings like this.

posted by ThFullEffect to human relations (24 comments total)

Check out this previous thread for suggestions. Sorry to say, you're not likely to get a lot back for it -- the retail markup on engagement rings is completely absurd.
posted by scody at 5:14 PM on July 10, 2007

Ya, you won't get much, probably. Can you sell it to the intended? (heh. heh heh. sorry.)

Sorry as well for the breakup. I don't have a lot of wisdom about getting over it, except to keep on moving forward with your life, and time will come between you and the trauma. Learn from it, take care of yourself, stay close to your friends. I'm in a "getting over it" stage too, from a recent divorce, so I know the pain. Hang in there.
posted by The Deej at 5:20 PM on July 10, 2007

Yeah, without getting all conspiracy theorist, there is a lot to suggest that the market for diamonds is kept artificially high and that efforts are made to keep merchants from buying and reselling them. If you want to know more, do some research on De Beers.

So that sucks.

On the other hand, you have a nice diamond, you could probably sell the ring and setting and keep the rock and have it remounted. Probably not a good idea to give it to the next girlfriend without mentioning where it came from, but many would be happy with a pretty diamond necklace. I'd guess you will get more out of it that way than by selling it.
posted by quin at 5:21 PM on July 10, 2007 [2 favorites]

If you sell the ring, you're only going to get around 10-20% of what you paid for. Pawn shop and ebay are your best bet. You might even try craigslist to get someone to pay for a "used but cursed" engagement ring but I doubt that'll happen.

Sorry to hear about your broken engagement.
posted by Stynxno at 5:25 PM on July 10, 2007

I'm sorry to hear that. :(

Unfortunately, you're also about to get a painful short course in the reality of the diamond market, as opposed to DeBeers marketing BS. (Here, I was going to type up a whole screed about this, but then I realized that I sounded like a crazed conspiracy theorist.)

You'll be lucky to sell it for a fraction of what you bought it for, I'm afraid to say. You might do slightly better (eBay?) selling it to a private party than to a jeweler. Or have the stone reset for a female family member, if the bad memories won't bother you.
posted by thehmsbeagle at 5:26 PM on July 10, 2007

There's a site designed for just this predicament (sorry you're in it). I do...Now I don't.
posted by allkindsoftime at 5:29 PM on July 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

Hmm, combining your two questions, if you're only going to get $3-600 back, would you get more value from it using the ring to aid in the getting over it? Toss it in the ocean? Give it to some homeless person to see some good come from the breakup? Give it to your sister? Save it for some daughter? Trade it for two years' gym membership to some gym owner? Just random thoughts.
posted by salvia at 7:31 PM on July 10, 2007

Riffing off salvia's answer (which I think is a good one), maybe see what you could barter for it on Craigslist? There could be some mechanic/designer/house cleaner/artist/etc. out there who'd be perfectly willing to negotiate a trade of goods or services for a diamond ring.
posted by scody at 7:51 PM on July 10, 2007

Depending on your tax situation you could donate the ring to charity and take the tax deduction. You'd feel good that the ring went to something positive.
posted by 26.2 at 8:33 PM on July 10, 2007

Diamonds are not particularly rare in of themselves not very valuable, the suggestions for barter may be your best bet. Sorry bout the breakup.
posted by edgeways at 8:44 PM on July 10, 2007

If you're feeling enterprising, this could be the beginning of a beautiful red paperclip-style web meme.
posted by roger ackroyd at 8:49 PM on July 10, 2007

I had a friend in the same situation, he kept the ring in a box for a few years, and once he was finally emotionally over the whole ordeal he took it to a pawnshop and got a couple of hundred bucks for it. Selling it was more for closure than for the money. It was a nice way to put it all behind him, if he'd have done it while he was hurting it would have been upsetting how little he got for it.
posted by blue_beetle at 8:52 PM on July 10, 2007

Pricescope posting that may be helpful about what to expect from different resale markets.
posted by girlhacker at 12:18 AM on July 11, 2007

How do I recoup my losses (at least monetarily)?

Dude, you already did.

The divorce attorney alone would have cost way more than 3K.

Feel good. :)

When I had a ring to sell, I sold it to some (not close) friends that couldn't afford a nice ring - I got more than I would have at a pawn shop, they paid less than they would have at a jeweler. I felt good about that.

Good luck.
posted by eleyna at 8:01 AM on July 11, 2007

This may sound callous, and it may get deleted, but here goes:

Look on the bright side - at least you didn't marry her! Think of how much worse this would be if things like alimony and child support were involved.
posted by Afroblanco at 3:52 PM on July 11, 2007

I'm hoping she already gave it back to you out of her own free will. Because if she decides to keep it, you have no recourse. It was a gift, therefore it's hers.
posted by desjardins at 4:50 PM on July 11, 2007

Desjardins, all due respect, but you are talking out your ass. And apropos to that comment, IANAL.
posted by BrotherCaine at 1:44 AM on July 12, 2007

Check if the original jeweler will buy it back. Sometimes they'll eat some of the cost as a goodwill gesture. If not, see if you can get it re-appraised for free. Some women have been known to damage a ring just before they give it back.
posted by BrotherCaine at 1:46 AM on July 12, 2007

Aw, so sorry! At least you found out before you moved... but hey, DC is still full of think tanks of you want to come out anyway. And now you don't have to be married to a lawyer, which is a big plus.

How to get over it: Don't communicate with her. At all. It's amazing how even one conversation can set you way back in the getting-over-it process.
posted by footnote at 8:13 AM on July 12, 2007

Save the ring to give to the first woman you sleep with when you surface, dude. Don't make a big deal out of it, just leave it on her pillow.

Then write a song about it. A country song. Not that there aren't a few million on the subject already. But I do recommend listening to George Jones and Tammy Wynette singing "Golden Ring" while downing at least a half pint of whiskey if you want the exercise to be surgical. Follow with copious amounts of sex with strangers. You'll be fine.
posted by fourcheesemac at 8:21 PM on July 12, 2007

BrotherCaine, it sounds from the question like he broke it off with her (due to her cheating, but I don't think it matters why in terms of the law). If this is so, neither of the following would apply (from your link):

The "giver" may recover the ring or the value of the ring if the "receiver" refuses to enter into marriage. The "giver" also has a right to recover the ring if the contemplated marriage is abandoned by mutual consent.

posted by desjardins at 11:32 PM on July 12, 2007

Oh, and send her pictures of the first woman you sleep with wearing her ring and smiling. Might even be worth hiring a visually obvious hooker to model it, just for the photos (anything else you get into is your business).

Also, watch a lot of WWII movies, like *The Dirty Dozen.* Watching strapping German lads get blown to pieces will be good therapy.


And now you know the meaning of Kinky Friedman's famous dictum: "I've got nothing against Germans, in fact they're my second favorite people in the world . . . . right after everyone else."
posted by fourcheesemac at 4:59 AM on July 13, 2007

Give it to the next girl you get engaged to. It's not like the rock can talk.
posted by jewzilla at 11:34 AM on July 21, 2007

It's like a whole year later, but I'm going to recommend you don't give a used ring to your future fiancee.
posted by onepapertiger at 2:02 PM on June 5