Bleeding heart tired of the blood...

June 29, 2007 10:26 PM

Help me trust my gut instinct, and not feel bad about using stereotypes, in regards to teaching to pretty much life in general.

As someone who has been discriminated against quite a lot, I'm more than aware of the horrible power of stereotypes. I moved to the United States when I was 12 and didn't really speak English very well, and was very aware how that influenced the way people treated me.

And so, now that I'm relatively assimilated, and I'm part of the mainstream, so to speak, I try not to put people into boxes or treat them unfairly... there are often times, I think, that I do the opposite of what my gut instinct tells me to do in order to be fair, but it almost always burns me in the end, especially when it comes to teaching and tutoring. Please help me overcome my middle-class guilt, and help me become a better teacher.

I work for a rather expensive test preparation company, which means that I get to teach quite a lot of different classes in a relatively short amount of time, and in a wide demographic area. I find that more and more often, my first impression of a student (or a class) is almost always right, and I work very hard to do the opposite of what I think I should do, in order to be fair or kind, and it just never works out...

For example, after the first three hour class, I'm pretty sure who the good students (the ones who care) or the bad students (the ones who are there because their parents want them there) are going to be, and I'm always right. Or I know that a class is going to be good, or it's going to be bad, just based on the geographic area or how well the students are dressed, and I'm always right. I feel bad about this, because I worry about self-fulfilling prophecies and so fourth, and so I try to overcompensate, and it makes me sad when what I expected end up being true despite my hard work.

I guess to be respectful to the students, I'm just going to try to be vague and specific at same time...

One recent example, I was teaching a math review course, and I had one student who was the typical surfer dude. My first impression then, after teaching him for three hours, was that he's going to have a hard time with the course, based on the questions that I ask him and based on his reading the questions aloud in class. (He didn't read very well.) So what I do is I offer him extra after class help and additional tutoring for free just out of my own time to get him where he needs to be... of course, he didn't take me up on the offer, saying that it wasn't necessary and so on and so on... and then of course, 4/5 of the way through the class, he just got up frustrated and left saying that he just couldn't do it, and that I was terrible teacher -- when, of course, everyone else followed along just fine.

Another example, I tutor this kid, whom I really like, and he recommended me to another kid that he knew. After talking to this other kid, I realized that he was going to try to pay for it on his own, and that he couldn't really afford it. The immediate impression I got was that he was going to give me a hard time, since he was a junior and hadn't had Algebra II yet, and the e-mails that he wrote me were always full of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. On top of that, where usually I talk to the parents, I could never get in touch with his parents, and could only get in touch with him through e-mails -- so I felt that his parents weren't really involved, and I felt bad for him.

So then I thought, this kid is having a hard time, and though my impression was that he wasn't going to be the brightest student, he's motivated and I respected that, and he was coming from a disadvantaged background, so I offered to tutor him for free for 10 hours, as long as he paid for photocopying the materials. And of course, he ended up accusing me of trying to scam him somehow -- saying that I had promised to tutor him for free, but now suddenly want him to pay for the materials... That I had lied and misled him and wanted to him to pay me after all. It was obvious to me that he had problems reading and writing, but I had clearly written that I would give him my time for free as long as he paid for the photocopies (which weren't much, but I was already going to drive an hour to tutor for an hour for free). It just really drove me insane.

And I find this all the time. My first impressions are always right. I have no problem when my first impression of a kid is that he or she is going to be a great and dedicated student, but I always feel guilty when my first impression is that a kid is going to give me a hard time -- and because I feel guilty, I work extra hard and invest a lot of myself trying to help him or her, only to always inevitably find out that things will turn out the bad way I expected in the first place...

So yeah, these are just the two most recent of many humiliations that I've suffered just as a private test prep teacher... Of course, I am occasionally surprised by the super good kids, but for whatever reason it's when my students disappoint me that affect me the most.

I find that stereotypes are almost always right. Certain types of kids will have their parents constantly involved, certain types of kids will have their homework completed every single class, and certain types of kids won't give a damn at all and talk over me when I'm trying to teach. I am more and more disappointed everyday when I put in extra effort to help low achieving students out, and I feel more and more bigoted every time my first impression turns out to be right after all. Is this just a part of life? Do teachers here have experiences that I could learn from?

The one thing that I'm grateful for, is that at least I did this before actually becoming a full time teacher... it's just sad... I have friends who signed up for Teach for America knowing that it was going to be hard, but was going to do it anyway because they really believed in teaching... only to find themselves being under supported by their schools and being physically and verbally abused by their students, and then quitting half-traumatized. Why do we do this to ourselves?

Please help me justify following my gut instinct and first impressions and not feel bad about it. I feel awful about not treating all students equally, in so much as giving them all the benefit of the doubt... But I'm seriously just tired of getting burned out emotionally trying to fight against the tide. I am reminded of the whole "a conservative is just a liberal who got robbed on the way home" (or whatever). Despite my desire to do good, I'm learning more and more that... I just can't. I'm tempted to just be elitist, and screw the poor and illiterate people and let them fend for themselves...

In general, I am just a schmuck. I always feel guilty about my first impression if it is a negative one, and I overcompensate by going against my instinct. I lend money out to friends whom I know aren't worth it, because I feel bad for thinking that they won't pay me back. What I remind myself of is that saying, where you don't have to taste poop to know that it's bad, but in my case, because I feel guilty about thinking negatively of poop, I have to taste it just to give it a fair chance. Help me not do this anymore. Please.

posted by every_one_needs_a_hug_sometimes to human relations (20 comments total)

(Oh yeah, though the examples have been about individual students... The same principle applies to the entire class as well... by that I mean, well, an Honors class is going to be good, and a regular class has a 50/50 chance of being good... sometimes they are good, sometimes they are not... but always know by the end of the first class.)
posted by every_one_needs_a_hug_sometimes at 10:35 PM on June 29, 2007

Maybe it's just the question as written, or maybe I'm failing to understand where you're coming from. To me it doesn't sound like you're stereotyping. It sounds like you're using your judgement.
posted by majick at 10:51 PM on June 29, 2007

Yeah, I thought the question was going to be something like "every time I get a [ethnicity] kid I think he's going to screw up... and then he does and I feel awful" or something very fraught with tension like that. But you seem to be saying that when you get a kid who has a poor grasp of grammar and spelling or doesn't seem that interested you infer that he will do badly.

As majick says, that's not stereotyping, that's making a judgment based on the evidence. Can't spell? Can't write? Doesn't care? Doesn't do the homework? Bad student? Yes.
posted by Justinian at 10:57 PM on June 29, 2007

As long as you are treating all your students with equal respect, I don't see the problem.
posted by rancidchickn at 10:57 PM on June 29, 2007

I think the problem is that your job is do to test prep - kids that come in well prepared (both in content and in ability to study) do well. Ones who show signs that they had been struggling with school are going to be the ones who have a hard time taking advantage of what you are offering. Similarly, the ones that come in with attitude or don't want to be there (which you can certainly assess in three hours) aren't going to learn as much.

On the one hand, as long as you are basing your judgement on the actual behavior of the individual then that is not a stereotype (even if you find more x students find in one category or another). You also have an obligation to be open-minded to students before you have a chance to know them - at least be open to being pleasantly surprised when walking into certain settings. In addition, you should (and it sounds like you are) continue to try your best teach all the students in the room (within the limits of the job you are paid to do)

I commend you for wanting to provide extra help to kids that seem like they were dealt a bad hand and they could benefit from some extra help. Please keep doing this when you can and when you think it would be effective. Just because some students aren't able to take advantage of what you are offering doesn't mean that you should never offer - just try to learn from experience when this extra effort is most likely to make a difference.
posted by metahawk at 11:18 PM on June 29, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

My girlfriend is a teacher in an urban school, and she faces the same concerns. But the fact of the matter is, she's not causing the failure. She has seen it time and time again by now, and as much as it pains her, she only has so many resources and so much time. She feels guilty about it too, but as is almost always the case w/ teachers, I think she's putting too much on herself.
posted by Gilbert at 11:20 PM on June 29, 2007

WRT the kid who wanted to pay for himself, that's a sad story. Yes, his reason for leaving was nonsensical, and there was probably something else behind it. Money's a pretty touchy subject. Maybe it would have been better to negotiate a reduced fee, so as not to make him feel like a charity case.

One of the major differences between honors and non-honors classes is the behavior of the students. The ones who get good grades are generally the ones who are interested and do their work, or who have interested parents who make sure it gets done. The same parents also teach them to behave. So it goes. You could mix them all together, but why punish everyone for the problems of some?

Different students need different approaches, and if you can figure them out you'd be a fantastic teacher. Classrooms of disadvantaged students may need a more disciplinarian approach. If that's what will help them learn, don't berate yourself for using it.

While trying to avoid all stereotypes is a noble goal, don't cripple your own ability to adapt your techniques to different situations by pretending that there are no differences. There are. Figure out what your goals are as a teacher, and then figure out what you have to do to reach them. Maybe "treating everyone equally" isn't going to help them all that much. Just because it's a stereotype doesn't make it invalid, and replacing your stereotypes with their opposites isn't going to improve your teaching.

There are methods, I'm sure, that help "bad" students. Maybe, in order to avoid labeling them "bad" you avoid using the methods that would be most effective.

Finally, realize that you're not a miracle-worker, and that if you do just a little that may mean a lot.
posted by alexei at 11:23 PM on June 29, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I'm a private-school English-language teacher, and I work exclusively outside the US. I'm 24. It's a fantastic job, and I love working with students of all ages, even teenagers who'd rather be SMSing their friends.

First, on the whole teaching = "doing good" thing, English is a really useful tool for students, something they can practice on their own, and something that can have huge financial payoffs even if the student doesn't leave their home (non-Anglophone) country. You chose to work in a really narrow, very profit-driven, frankly limited-appearing field (test prep), so I'm not shocked that you're growing cynical about your students' "abilities" - but I ask you not to generalize about teaching in general, which many people actually enjoy! So my first tip: consider the fact that because you're in this limited field, you aren't seen as a teacher, but as a coach - someone who's expected to "deliver results" in exchange for financial compensation. Public school teachers don't have any sort of financial pressure from students who have paid up and now want 180s on the LSAT after three weeks of classes. Additionally, have any of your friends become non-Teach For America teachers? Do you realize that Teach For America has very mixed reviews as to its effectiveness and administration? Keeping in mind that it's not all doom-and-gloom in the classroom is one way to overcome this frustration you're feeling.

Second, the best two predictors of future student success to me are:

1) the rate of homework completion
2) attendance

These two factors, more than anything else, give me a good idea of who's going to fail, scrape by, pass, or excel. I can see, almost after the first two weeks, and certainly after the first four, which students are making the same mistakes, as well as who's a stronger reader or writer or speaker or listener, and then I can target assistance to that person or assign people study buddies, but ONLY if they want to meet me halfway on it. I can't do the work for them, and even if I offer extra exercises or something and offer to grade them, I can't make them complete something I think will help them. I've helped a number of students go from barely passing to doing quite well this way, but again, they've got to do the work.

The second you start to look at religion/race/ethnicity/language, though, you're going to run into trouble, because you're trying to tie academic merit - which is often something you can help students work on and improve, as I stated above - with often impossible-to-overcome societal barriers (or even your wrong impression of what those barriers are!). I worked in a country last year where a tiny minority of people owned a huge portion of the country's capital, and part of me, just like you, wanted to assume that because these folks had more resources at their disposal, they'd do better, but I was wrong - turns out there wasn't a connection, that I could see, between wealth/ethnicity, at least in the context I was working in, and achievement in class.

Finally, I'd consider moving to another area in education. If you head to public schools, the stability of having one or two classes for a year will make it easier for you to get to know what students need and develop your resources to connect better with them, all without the nasty financial elements of your current position, where students demand ever-higher scores.

Hope this helps.
posted by mdonley at 11:35 PM on June 29, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

I'm with Majick.
That's not stereotyping. That's using your judgement.
Read "Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking " by Malcom Gladwell. This is precisely is what it's about.
posted by The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew at 12:54 AM on June 30, 2007

To be fair to the disadvantaged kids, or the ones you sense will not do well in the course or on the test, remember that they may be facing a lot of obstacles. I think you are recognizing that, but it's also important to recognize that those obstacles may shape how they think (if you're accustomed to being "scammed" or "cheated," you come to expect it, and while the student's response was unfair to you, it wasn't about you).

The students who don't seem to care ... well, they probably don't. Some kids are immature, some are just not interested in academics, and some have parents who push them to do things they don't feel they're capable of.

The key, I think, is to realize that all students who don't do homework are not bad kids or bad students, that all students who aren't interested in your courses also aren't bad kids or bad students. They can take advantage of what you offer, or they can not. It's ultimately up to them, and sometimes there are extenuating factors you can't be expected to know about.

But I think you're doing an incredibly selfless and kind thing by offering services for free when you think it's appropriate, and by going the extra mile in general. At some point it may pay off, but regardless just knowing that you're offering it out of the goodness of your heart should pay off for you.

PS. I also don't think you're stereotyping.
posted by brina at 5:09 AM on June 30, 2007

because I feel guilty, I work extra hard and invest a lot of myself trying to help him or her

I feel awful about not treating all students equally, in so much as giving them all the benefit of the doubt

You are giving them the benefit of the doubt, as well as giving them more than the students you believe will pay attention and do well. What you are not doing is treating all students equally. You are not offering free extra tutoring to all of them. It is not fair to those who can get more out of tutoring that you expend all your energy where you feel it will have the least impact.

Stereotypes != first impressions. It is not stereotyping to think that a person would not know much algebra if they have not taken a second algebra course.

I lend money out to friends whom I know aren't worth it

Sounds like you need to get some backbone. You owe me $ 50 for that advice.
posted by yohko at 5:31 AM on June 30, 2007

For a view from the other side: here
and here.

I'm glad you have so much confidence in your intuition but as someone who has and still experiences what you're doing to some of your students, I would strongly advise you to exercise caution in the application of stereotypes that may not be valid. There's a thin line between using your judgment, i.e., pre-judging, and being prejudiced.
posted by fuse theorem at 6:14 AM on June 30, 2007

I think the key is trying to understand *why* people behave the way they do. What's behind their attitude/behavior? What in their life and experience has taught them or required them to act or think this way?

Its easy to have stereotypes that appear to us to be totally accurate, but they rarely give us insight into what really makes other people tick. We apply our own values, experiences, culture, etc to their behavior and it just seems stupid or lazy or self destructive to us.

Just because you can predict how someone will act does not mean that you understand them well.
posted by jpdoane at 8:15 AM on June 30, 2007

I'm a teacher as well, and this doesn't sound like stereotyping. As a teacher, you're making judgments and assessments of your students from day one. If it's clear a student can't write a sentence, well, then it's clear s/he will need a lot of help writing sentences. The more you get to know them, you see patterns. By the end of the school year, I know with really good certainty which students will always turn in their homework, which students will turn it in maybe half the time, and which students will rarely turn it in. I always want certain students to prove me wrong and get their work in/ace the test/etc., but it doesn't happen a lot.

To get to some of your other questions..."Why do we do this to ourselves?" We do it because there's an inherent reward. Teachers can't give everything they have if they continually get nothing out of it. It's the rewards that keep teachers going, even when students are total jerks, or we're completely stressed out, or we feel that we're not appreciated. If you're not getting anything out of it, it's time to think about doing something else.

I'm not sure why you continue to go out of your way for people when they don't appreciate it and you find yourself being humiliated. That's your reward? Not worth it! Try this instead: don't offer help to specific students, let them come to you. If you're worried they're afraid to ask for help, then make a statement to the whole class that if they feel they are struggling, they can ask you.

I think part of the problem is that test prep courses are rather short...(5 weeks or so?). This is not always enough time to build really strong relationships, and it's usually not enough time for students to really break out of their situations in ways that you want them to. A poor reader is not going to ace the SAT after 5 weeks, no matter how amazing you are or how much extra tutoring you put in. Accept this.

This is getting very scattered, so I'll try to close with some advice. Have high expectations for your students, but also know that they vary widely in their backgrounds, home life, motivation, etc. Know that these exterior factors can and will affect the way they learn, and as a test prep teacher you can only do so much. Don't beat yourself up if you can't do everything to help everyone. (Let's face it -- you can't.) Always try to remember what is pushing you to teach - why are you there? Why do you stay? Make sure you remember the amazing students, the ones who turned around, instead of continually fretting over the jerks who humiliated you.
posted by jetskiaccidents at 10:32 AM on June 30, 2007

You are very kind, Everyone. You obviously want to help people -- you are a giver, not a taker, and that is admirable -- don't let the cold grey hooks of cynicism pull you away from that.

But don't work for free.

You are a professional; your services have value. You are not there to help someone fully appreciate the subtleties of Proust; you are not there to inspire a life-long love of learning. Your services are an investment, and one of the best investments anyone can make. Passing the high school exit exam. Getting a scholarship. Getting into grad school. These things have an effect on a person's lifetime bottom line that is pretty easy to see, and that is what they are paying for when they are paying you. Kind-hearted brokers don't give away shares of stock because someone can't quite afford to buy it.

If you want to donate your services to help poor students, contact your local public schools or library -- they would jump at the chance to find you motivated students who would understand the value of what you are giving them.
posted by Methylviolet at 11:05 AM on June 30, 2007

I was going to say exactly what yohko said: You're not treating everyone equally. You're identifying the students you think will be weak, you're putting tons of extra effort into helping those students, and then you're getting annoyed because they're still weak students.

It's (obviously) totally fine to help students who need extra help. But you need to stop thinking of doing so as "Treating everyone equally," because it's not -- it's extending yourself in a major way. If you can start realizing that, then you can hopefully start realizing that you can only give other people so much, and so you can be pickier about when and how you extend yourself. You can also stop putting so many expectations on your students, because it seems like you're saddling the weak students with the responsibility of proving you wrong. That's not good for either of you.

I'm in the midst of reading some rather conservative education policy stuff -- much of which I disagree with, so I'm sure there's an equally valid opposing argument to this, but: There's the idea of performing to expectation. With the surfer kid example, it sounds like you basically told him at the beginning of class that you thought he was going to do badly -- could you maybe have given him the attention you think he needed without giving him the impression that he was behind the other students? Involved him more in class participation or something? With the tutoring kid, maybe avoided the "Oh, you poor benighted soul, let me help you from the goodness of my heart" routine? (I'm exaggerating, I know.) It sounds a little less like you're overcoming what you think of as stereotypes and maybe more that you're giving these kids permission to fail.
posted by occhiblu at 5:39 PM on June 30, 2007

Carol Dweck, Ph. D. has done some interesting studies regarding this very type of thing. The studies have shown just how much power a 'mindset' can have over the outcome of things like teaching and learning.

Basic breakdown of her theory from her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success is that people are equipped with one of two different mindsets. There are those with fixed mindsets and those with growth mindsets.

People with fixed mindsets believe that intelligence is fixed. Either you are born smart or not. If you happened to be born smart, you just breeze through everything and don't have to really work. If you happen to fail, it is a sign that you are stupid or unskilled. They focus on traits and everything is binary. Those with the fixed mindset will decline opportunities for growth as they see it as also an opportunity to fail. They'd rather not take the chance.

Alternatively, those with growth mindsets believe that intelligence is earned. If you work hard, you can become smarter, learn more, and become better. If you fail, it is not a sign that you are stupid. It is just a sign that you need to change your strategy or try harder. They're willing to take risks as they know failing doesn't reflect directly on them as a person, they know it just means they have to work harder and adapt to do it.

It is possible that some of the "underprivileged" kids have been put into a fixed mindset for most of their lives. Having their teacher believe that too probably doesn't help. Your effort to change their mindset to a growth one could be the difference between success and failure for them.

Some more information:
Audio Interview of Carol Dweck.
One of the highest "favorite" posts on metafilter.
posted by Nerro at 7:13 PM on June 30, 2007

There's a thin line between using your judgment, i.e., pre-judging, and being prejudiced.

using your judgment is post-judging, though. Pre-judging is based on information that is given on the list of names or by the other people in the place or something like that. If you make a judgment that "malik" will be a bad student and "hyeung" will be a good student when you get the roster, then you are prejudiced. If you are more friendly with the white students or assume the latin american students don't really understand the nuances of the language, then you are prejudiced. But if you draw conclusions based on information you experience directly, that is relevant to your interests, you are making judgments. You may sometimes be making quick judgments; you may sometimes be making poor judgments, but you are making judgments, not pre-judgments.

If you decide malik is a bad student because he doesn't hand in his HW for two weeks (not based on his name when you first read it), you are making a reasonable judgment - not a final judgment, but a reasonable one. If you decide hyeung is a bad student for the same reason, that is exactly as reasonable. The only difference is if you differentiate between them based on characteristics which do not have anything to do with their class activity.
posted by mdn at 10:07 PM on June 30, 2007

In theory all people have the capacity to be equal. As citizens of a supposedly "classless" society where all men people are "created" equal we each have a responsibility to the collective to create and support enabling social constructs through which people are free to pursue life, liberty, and happiness on an equal plateau.

However, many people don't achieve equality within their communities or societies because they are prevented from, or aren't privy too the methods through which such equality can be granted.

Sometimes this roadblock takes the form of prejudice, which you're trying to address internally on your own. Other times it takes the form of poor socialization, lack of motivation, or an inability to logically assess how best to spend one's time - like in the case of your "surfer dude" who rejected after school tutoring which may have helped him.

Moving forward I think its important not to beat yourself up over your own perceived stereotypes being born out through observation.

What you don't want to do is to allow these stereotypes to color (heh) you view of individuals. Everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt no matter how they dress or where they sit in the classroom.
posted by wfrgms at 10:53 AM on July 1, 2007

Thanks, everyone. I really appreciate all the insights, information, and advice! I've got a lot to learn, I know. :)
posted by every_one_needs_a_hug_sometimes at 2:44 PM on July 8, 2007