Agonizing Dilemma
May 21, 2007 9:39 AM
How to decide between a better job and a more satisfying social world?
I will very likely receive a job offer with a company in another town a few hours away from my current job. This would be a promotion and would yield better compensation. The company is small and I would have greater authority. I would work with a co-worker from my past, so I can trust their input about the environment.
However, I enjoy my present job despite the lower pay and lesser role. My social life (both work friends and non work friends) is much better here than it was at my last job so I fear throwing that away just for more money. I have friends in the potential new town, but they're married and spread out. With the new job I would work fewer hours, but then I would not have the more single-based community I now have. And what's the point of working fewer hours if there are no people to spend it with in your downtime? I'm a mid-twenties single male so I kind of need that social web. But then why not work fewer hours for more money and a better role? A job is just a means so why suffer a longer period of lower pay and a lesser title if I don't have to?
I've done the pros and cons list, but all it does is irritate me at this how awful this decision is. How do you make an objective decision when most of the points aren't objectively-based? I have not had salary discussions with the potential company, but I almost feel like demanding more than they could offer just so I can deny a part in the decision.
There are other similar posts with a lot of "forget the money, man" cheerleading responses. But do those people really practice what they preach?
I will very likely receive a job offer with a company in another town a few hours away from my current job. This would be a promotion and would yield better compensation. The company is small and I would have greater authority. I would work with a co-worker from my past, so I can trust their input about the environment.
However, I enjoy my present job despite the lower pay and lesser role. My social life (both work friends and non work friends) is much better here than it was at my last job so I fear throwing that away just for more money. I have friends in the potential new town, but they're married and spread out. With the new job I would work fewer hours, but then I would not have the more single-based community I now have. And what's the point of working fewer hours if there are no people to spend it with in your downtime? I'm a mid-twenties single male so I kind of need that social web. But then why not work fewer hours for more money and a better role? A job is just a means so why suffer a longer period of lower pay and a lesser title if I don't have to?
I've done the pros and cons list, but all it does is irritate me at this how awful this decision is. How do you make an objective decision when most of the points aren't objectively-based? I have not had salary discussions with the potential company, but I almost feel like demanding more than they could offer just so I can deny a part in the decision.
There are other similar posts with a lot of "forget the money, man" cheerleading responses. But do those people really practice what they preach?
Fewer hours + more money sounds pretty good. And are you certain you wouldn't be able to make new friends in the new town? Plus, if you're only a few hours away, you can always come back to visit your pals in the old town every few months. I would also think on the fact that in the next few years, a lot of your single friends are probably going to pair up, get married, settle down, and possibly move away. Life changes, and staying in one place to try to avoid change isn't going to work.
That said, only you'll be able to know in the end which choice is right for you. I could probably make more money if I wanted to put on a suit and go to work for the big boys, but I'd rather work for a small company where I can help build things from the ground up. That's just me.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:02 AM on May 21, 2007
That said, only you'll be able to know in the end which choice is right for you. I could probably make more money if I wanted to put on a suit and go to work for the big boys, but I'd rather work for a small company where I can help build things from the ground up. That's just me.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:02 AM on May 21, 2007
How did you come about being a part of the single-based community that you are currently in? Presumably you've made friends before, and you know, there is no time limit on being able to make new ones. If you go to the other place you don't have to hang around with just the married people you know there. Chances are they will even know some single people, and if they don't there will still be plenty there that you can meet without them.
Fear of not knowing anyone in a new place is incredibly common, I would even say it's to be expected, why wouldn't you worry about exchanging the benefits you have now for some unknown. Nevertheless you could end up with a just as good situation (or better), more money, and presumably more chance of earning even more in the future because you took the more career enhancing position!
2.5 years ago I got a new job I really wanted, but hundreds of miles from anyone I knew. It's worked out very nicely. A better social life, much nicer surroundings on top of the increased money and job security.
posted by biffa at 10:02 AM on May 21, 2007
Fear of not knowing anyone in a new place is incredibly common, I would even say it's to be expected, why wouldn't you worry about exchanging the benefits you have now for some unknown. Nevertheless you could end up with a just as good situation (or better), more money, and presumably more chance of earning even more in the future because you took the more career enhancing position!
2.5 years ago I got a new job I really wanted, but hundreds of miles from anyone I knew. It's worked out very nicely. A better social life, much nicer surroundings on top of the increased money and job security.
posted by biffa at 10:02 AM on May 21, 2007
Life decisions like this are always tough. I feel for you. The only perspective I can give you is from a 50-year-old guy looking back from the future. Here are some thoughts:
• You could turn down the new job to preserve your current single social network. But it's likely that network will change sooner than you can imagine. People get married. People move. People have kids. Your network could dissolve and the new job bus won't stop by again.
• Along those lines, taking the money lets you sock some away for the future when you may have more people depending on you. It will make life at 35 a lot more pleasant.
• Take the new job and it's possible the non-monetray benefits of involvement and control will make you an ever more attractive person ... to new friends and potential girlfriends.
• It doesn't sound like the new job is that far away. You can still hop in a car at 6 and be there to go out at 8. And it sounds like you might have the cash to do it.
Yeah, I know you sacrifice the spontaneous friend things. But based one man's experience from a few years ago, I'd say taking a job that can grow you as a person and set up the coming years might be the way to go.
posted by lpsguy at 10:06 AM on May 21, 2007
• You could turn down the new job to preserve your current single social network. But it's likely that network will change sooner than you can imagine. People get married. People move. People have kids. Your network could dissolve and the new job bus won't stop by again.
• Along those lines, taking the money lets you sock some away for the future when you may have more people depending on you. It will make life at 35 a lot more pleasant.
• Take the new job and it's possible the non-monetray benefits of involvement and control will make you an ever more attractive person ... to new friends and potential girlfriends.
• It doesn't sound like the new job is that far away. You can still hop in a car at 6 and be there to go out at 8. And it sounds like you might have the cash to do it.
Yeah, I know you sacrifice the spontaneous friend things. But based one man's experience from a few years ago, I'd say taking a job that can grow you as a person and set up the coming years might be the way to go.
posted by lpsguy at 10:06 AM on May 21, 2007
It sounds like you do not want to take this new job, but our society's obsession with status and income is making you consider it. I'm all for taking risks, but if you're happy with your life right now and nothing is nagging at you to make a big life change, then my advice is don't!
Personally, I am in my early 20s and am choosing rockin' social life over prestigious, high-responsibility job that eats away at me...and to be honest, I have quite a few friends with impressive-sounding titles who want to quit and have more fun while they're young...
posted by infinityjinx at 10:14 AM on May 21, 2007
Personally, I am in my early 20s and am choosing rockin' social life over prestigious, high-responsibility job that eats away at me...and to be honest, I have quite a few friends with impressive-sounding titles who want to quit and have more fun while they're young...
posted by infinityjinx at 10:14 AM on May 21, 2007
As for your "practicing what they preach" comment, four years ago I moved to my current location and started my own consulting company. For two years I worked mostly from home with occasional visits to client sites. I pulled in a healthy six figure income, but I was miserable. I'd go days at a time without leaving the house, it was impossible for me to develop friendships, and because I was in a new city, I had no pre-existing friendships. It even strained my marriage because I was piggybacking on my wife's social circle.
After two years of that, I decided it was time for a change, and I walked away and started a PhD program in an unrelated field. We lived fairly modestly, so we were able to get by on our stipends by cutting out our vacations and some other extravagances. In school, I made some amazing friends, and my work has been challenging for the first time in years. And now, I'm leaving the program this summer with my MS. I'm not cut from biologist cloth, and I just love writing code too much to not have it be what I do.
I'm making some changes now that I'm going back to work. I've secured a desk in some shared office space in downtown. I'm going to try to work on-site at clients more often. More importantly, I'm going to actively work on maintaining my social circle when I leave grad school.
Anyway, that was just to say that people do do it. As for you, you're single and in your mid-twenties! You can make friends again. If it's just higher compensation, I'd say it's a legitimate dilemna. If this new job will be good for your career in the long term, I think you should go for it. A good question to ask yourself is how good of an offer would it have to be to make taking the job a no-brainer for you. Then work back from there.
There may be other options though. Have you checked around in your current city to see if a similar position is available? That'd be a win-win. Could you take the offer from this company to your current employer and explain to them that you enjoy working here, but this is a really good offer. Maybe they'd match it or at least be willing to meet you in the middle.
As you get older, it's harder and harder to just up and move. And like ross said, you can always go back. I think that's important to keep in mind.
posted by AaRdVarK at 10:17 AM on May 21, 2007
After two years of that, I decided it was time for a change, and I walked away and started a PhD program in an unrelated field. We lived fairly modestly, so we were able to get by on our stipends by cutting out our vacations and some other extravagances. In school, I made some amazing friends, and my work has been challenging for the first time in years. And now, I'm leaving the program this summer with my MS. I'm not cut from biologist cloth, and I just love writing code too much to not have it be what I do.
I'm making some changes now that I'm going back to work. I've secured a desk in some shared office space in downtown. I'm going to try to work on-site at clients more often. More importantly, I'm going to actively work on maintaining my social circle when I leave grad school.
Anyway, that was just to say that people do do it. As for you, you're single and in your mid-twenties! You can make friends again. If it's just higher compensation, I'd say it's a legitimate dilemna. If this new job will be good for your career in the long term, I think you should go for it. A good question to ask yourself is how good of an offer would it have to be to make taking the job a no-brainer for you. Then work back from there.
There may be other options though. Have you checked around in your current city to see if a similar position is available? That'd be a win-win. Could you take the offer from this company to your current employer and explain to them that you enjoy working here, but this is a really good offer. Maybe they'd match it or at least be willing to meet you in the middle.
As you get older, it's harder and harder to just up and move. And like ross said, you can always go back. I think that's important to keep in mind.
posted by AaRdVarK at 10:17 AM on May 21, 2007
It sounds like you would take the new job if it was in the town you now live in. The new job has fewer hours and better pay? You will be able to come back to your old town once every week or two if you like. If you have good friends, you will still be good friends. If you need buddies to head to the bar with, you will meet a new crowd of them at the bar in your new town.
Know that your current friends will move, pair off, have kids, get promotions, start working nights, or otherwise not be part of the old crew anymore. You will stay in touch with some of them, lose touch with others, and need to make new friends to spend time with when you are not at work.
posted by yohko at 12:10 PM on May 22, 2007
Know that your current friends will move, pair off, have kids, get promotions, start working nights, or otherwise not be part of the old crew anymore. You will stay in touch with some of them, lose touch with others, and need to make new friends to spend time with when you are not at work.
posted by yohko at 12:10 PM on May 22, 2007
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by hypocritical ross at 9:53 AM on May 21, 2007