Do I break up with my boyfriend for no sane reason?
May 15, 2007 8:19 PM Subscribe
Break up with someone for no sane reason?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (35 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
I feel really stuck. I don't have any huge issues with my boyfriend that are straining our daily relationship... just some smaller things gnawing away at my heart.
My boyfriend of 6 years is a pretty wimpy person. I pretty much have to take complete care of him (we live together), he doesn't help me to be a better person, he has low self esteem and doesn't put effort into bettering himself. He can't make friends and is incredibly shy. He hasn't worked for months and he is doing poorly in school, aimlessly wandering and throwing money away on tuition. I've been paying for most of his expenses for the past year and it's only going to get worse. Due to his lack of direction and passion for anything, I'm not really attracted to him anymore.
On the plus side, I love his sense of humor and he's very intelligent. I get along with him better than 99% of everyone I've ever met. He loves me dearly and has put up with my extremely eccentric personality. He's really devoted to me and our relationship (he says - not sure if his actions follow suit). We haven't had many other problems in our relationship and we're pretty good at communicating.
But there's also another factor in this that is always haunting me. I'm still hopelessly in love with his best friend, also my close friend, whom I have pined over for the past 10 years or so. After about four years of trying to get him to like me, I "gave up" and started dating his friend who did like me (my current boyfriend). He has always been so sweet to me though, and I felt so connected to him that I have continually felt that we really were a great match. He has all of the positive qualities as my boyfriend, but is much easier to talk to, is kinder to other people, more social, more focused on school and his future, and is just generally a warmer human being. ... but I don't have any clue if he likes me. I still can't tell. But somehow, I don't even care..
I really don't think that I stand any chance of ever winning him over, but somehow I feel like I'm cheating both my boyfriend and myself by staying in our relationship while I wish I were with this other person - even if it is just a pipe dream. But at the same time, I know I'm incredibly lucky to have found a caring boyfriend who loves me - and I feel like I should just be more patient with him and give up on this fantasy relationship.
So, with all this in mind, do you think I should break up with my boyfriend even though nothing really seems to be wrong? Break up with him for a relationship possibility that will probably never come true?