I am very angry, and I don't know why.
April 16, 2007 1:38 PM Subscribe
Please suggest a psychologist in D.C. area to help deal with a pervasive feeling of unfocused rage, and help me deal with these irrational anger issues while I try to schedule an appointment.
posted by JeremiahBritt to Health & Fitness (19 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
I have read previous questions, but those seem to be focused on therapy for depression/relationship issues. Those that deal with anger issues seem either acute or at least the person who is angry seems to understand why they are angry.
I have a few theories of what may be wrong with me, but I minored in psychology in college and am afraid it's just an embarrassing combination of sciolism and medical student's syndrome. This also leads me to question some of my supposed symptoms, making me wonder if perceived neurosis are nothing more than minor issues with stress and personality quirks.
Basically, I am afraid that 90% of my "mental illness" is nothing more than selfishness, weakness of mind, and hypochondria.
But whether it is a sign of something systemic or merely emotional immaturity, I do need my latest problem dealt with.
For the past week I have felt a near-constant feeling of building rage, especially when I am around other people. At first I believed I was merely annoyed by my co-worker's chatter, but it's taking longer and longer to fade away. Lately, I've even been feeling it around my wife, even though I understand intellectually that she has done nothing to draw my ire. It is embarrassing and makes me feel like a complete ass. I know that this frustration is unwarranted and irrational, but this just angers me more. My wife is wonderful, patient and understanding and I hate myself when I act this way, groundlessly judgmental and mean.
So far, I haven't acted out, save some snippiness to my wife that I immediately apologized for. One of the things that frightens me is the vitriol that bubbles under the surface while I'm being complimented on my politeness by coworkers and clients. I can smile convincingly while barely containing a shouted monologue of hatred. I'm not afraid of becoming violent, but I am afraid of snapping at my boss or coworkers when asked a simple request. I find myself getting up every half hour to retreat to the stairwell or splash cold water on my face.
I don't know what is wrong with me. I was never like this before, sure I may have been a smart ass when annoyed, but I was never truly angry. It's hard to concentrate, I am unable to effectively do my work, and I find myself wasting time online in a pointless attempt to "calm down" so that I can get focused. When I force myself to work straight through it I end up making a stupid mistake and trying refrain from screaming.
Physical activity seems to burn off some of the negative energy, but I'll end up getting frustrated at my weakness/lack of endurance and start doing whatever exercise with a kind of mad carelessness.
It is tiring, being so angry for so long, and I am getting increasingly fidgety as I try to restrain myself from acting like a complete ass. About once a day the rage suddenly just leaves and I feel emotionally and physically drained, not to mention ashamed of my thought and impulses. It always comes back though.
I apologize that this was so long. All of the above was written in a kind of frantic state while I felt especially angry and desperate, but during the last paragraph it all just left and now I feel like a jerk again.
I've tried the count to 10 and breathing exercises, but halfway through this defeatist voice in my head feels patronized and I tell myself I should be able to just stop being angry, without any of this mental placebo crap. I've been forcing myself to avoid black/white thinking, to avoid allowing myself to make internal rationalizations. I'm not saying don't suggest that kind of stuff, as I'm getting desperate for any relief, I'm just adding the caveat that I seem to be my worst enemy right now.
To recap: Please suggest a psychologist/therapist in DC who specializes or can help with acute/chronic anger issues. If they accept Aetna, that's great, but if you don't know I can always ask them. I am trying to stay away from medicinal cures, but I'd gladly take prescription meds short term while I work out whatever the hell's wrong with me.
And, as a stop-gap measure (while I look for help), please suggest way's to chill out. Most of my office is away at a convention this week, so if necessary I can probably just lock myself in a bathroom stall when it gets bad without anyone noticing.
I don't like these feelings of hate that bubble up within me when I'm around someone I love, who loves me, and who has done absolutely nothing wrong.
I am a 25-year-old white male with an otherwise good life.