Girls are to flowers as Boys are to _______

March 21, 2007 5:30 PM

What is the male equivalent of receiving flowers at the office?

Girl receive flowers from her significant other at work. Coworkers oooh and aaaaah. Girl feels special. Girl goes home and pounces on significant other.

What would be something you'd send to a guy (or want sent to you) at work?

(Yeah, I'd send flowers to him, but I don't think flowers would really get the same reaction from him as they do from me.)

posted by damnjezebel to Society & Culture (42 answers total)

A bottle of single-malt scotch.
posted by ericb at 5:33 PM on March 21, 2007

Pizza (with beer would be even better but not appropriate for most workplaces).
posted by TedW at 5:34 PM on March 21, 2007

Seconding scotch or tickets to an awesome sporting event.
posted by null terminated at 5:39 PM on March 21, 2007

Naked picture of you. Duh.
You could send it by cellphone.

You'll get pounced, for sure.
posted by Methylviolet at 5:42 PM on March 21, 2007 [1 favorite]

Third the Scotch. Johnny Walker Black, or better (any of the Glen****'s. Whatever's roughly worth a dozen roses in your area.
posted by The Giant Squid at 5:42 PM on March 21, 2007

Blow job.
posted by unSane at 5:43 PM on March 21, 2007

Some sort of ultra-premium food/beverage that you know he likes. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee, scotch, port.

Or yea, tickets.
posted by CKmtl at 5:43 PM on March 21, 2007

Combining the above. Nekkid picture INSIDE the cardboard box the scotch comes in.
posted by The Giant Squid at 5:43 PM on March 21, 2007

Office Massage?
posted by phrontist at 5:44 PM on March 21, 2007

When my now-husband / then-fiance were living in different countries, I sent him flowers at the office, twice. He was mercilessly ribbed by his jealous work colleagues (all women), but liked it a lot. He still has the cards that came with with my messages typed on them. So I think flowers always work, no matter what the gender.

But if not flowers, cookies. Cookies are great.
posted by hot soup girl at 5:45 PM on March 21, 2007

Scotch, definitely. Also perhaps Bourbon, since that seems to be the hot whiskey variety drink these days.

Also don't underestimate flowers, had a bunch delivered way back in the 80s, and yeah, I pounced on the lass. I think because it was so unexpected - a woman usually doesn't give a man flowers, nor does it mean the same thing - that it was a botanical turn-on. May not work for every man though.
posted by xetere at 5:47 PM on March 21, 2007

I totally agree with Hot Soup Girl. But if you insist on something more permanent, consider a talking picture frame with a hot message from you -- and a photo that's seductive but suitable for office display.
posted by peace_love_hope at 5:49 PM on March 21, 2007

Why not send flowers? They aren't just for the ladies. Put a VERY personal message on the gift card, this he doesn't share..

Just think, all these women swooning over his flowers, his appetite whetted, he comes home and pounces on you!
posted by JujuB at 5:49 PM on March 21, 2007

Booze, food, risque picture all great ideas, but more info about guy would help...

If he works on Wall Street, have a custom tailor arrange a time to come do a fitting for a nice dress shirt for him.

If he's a baseball fan buy him an MLB.tv subscription for the season to his favorite team (maybe send a print out of the confirmation with a hat from the team).

If he's a poker player send him a high quality (custom even) set of clay chips.

If he's a cigar guy...

etc.

Also, Thrillist is your friend (hint, check the Vault section).
posted by allkindsoftime at 5:50 PM on March 21, 2007

...and God damn I wish I had a girl thinking this about me...just once...
posted by allkindsoftime at 5:52 PM on March 21, 2007

Cookie Bouquet!
posted by GaelFC at 6:13 PM on March 21, 2007

Flowers for sure. Everybody likes him. All the guys know exactly what it means--he's got a girl that likes him.
posted by Ironmouth at 6:28 PM on March 21, 2007

Strip-o-gram? Then again, that probably wouldn't fly in an office.

You could do something awesome for him during his lunch or break. Guaranteed he'll come back to work and brag. That's what we do, brag and exaggerate...and hide our emotions.

But you knew that.
posted by ASM at 6:44 PM on March 21, 2007

I agree with allkindsoftime, done this a lot myself, never received though.

I think flowers would be fine, but a lot rides on what kind of guy he is. Flowers are almost universally fine for women (at least in my experience) so I'd have to agree with allkindsoftime (again!) that you might get better mileage using what you know he enjoys. Booze, food, sex teasers, video games, books etc. Pick a hobby (or vice) and give him a reason to do what he normally wouldn't in the middle of his workday.
posted by purephase at 6:53 PM on March 21, 2007

I got chocolate dipped strawberries and grapes delivered to me at work last year by my (then) girlfriend. That went over really well.
posted by blue_beetle at 7:13 PM on March 21, 2007

Maybe a plant of some sort? Bonsai tree?
posted by backwards guitar at 7:18 PM on March 21, 2007

I had flowers sent to me once (I am a guy). While I appreciated the gesture, I found it confusing, as did most of those around me.

Most of the above suggestions would have been a lot better.
posted by sindark at 7:20 PM on March 21, 2007

Beer.
posted by pompomtom at 7:23 PM on March 21, 2007

My friend got a "fruit boquet" of some sort - a bunch of fruit on skewers made up to look like a flower boquet. Guys like food and since you can't send steak, it might work. I have no idea if there was pouncing involved afterward.
posted by 0xFCAF at 7:31 PM on March 21, 2007

I got a panty bouquet from a good woman, once. And dear heart that she was, she made good on the promise inscribed in the card, too.
posted by paulsc at 7:36 PM on March 21, 2007

unSane's suggestion above is gift #2.

Gift #1: Arrange for installation of modesty panel on desk.
posted by rob511 at 8:42 PM on March 21, 2007

Candy worked well with my boyfriend. A big boxful of candy, even.
posted by divabat at 8:52 PM on March 21, 2007

A nooner. Afterwards, buy'em a double cheeseburger.

I think you're working from a good, but mistaken assumption. Those co-workers that oooh and aaah? That's just the women, right? Guys don't ooh and aaah over flowers. We say that's nice or pretty, but we don't care much. Flowers are nice looking and all, but they just don't push our buttons. We give them because ya'll seem to go nuts over them and we get pounced from giving them.

All we want is you and a cheeseburger and to know that you pay attention to us. So either bring him lunch one day, something you know he likes, homemade or store homemade. When you bring it, look the hottest you can. Do something full up, place setting, silverware and napkin, best china from home, food steaming on the plate. Wear something short and low cut. Bend over a lot.

Or give him some gadget/device/toy you know he's been craving but hasn't gotten, something that shows you've been listening and paying attention to what interests him.

But yeah, a nooner usually works. Don't have time for a nooner? Just a blowjob will do, thanks!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:06 PM on March 21, 2007 [1 favorite]

How about sending him a box with some lingerie inside, and a picture of you in it. Tell him to meet you at so and so place for a "nooner."
posted by bigmusic at 9:56 PM on March 21, 2007

im going to go out on a limb and say that dirty pictures of you is probably old hat for him :P

order two nice steaks and take them to him at work (find a place near his work so they're still hot when you get there) wear something stunning. Touch his thigh, eye fuck him, etc. then leave. Id be willing to bet you get fucked proper when he gets home.
posted by nihlton at 10:49 PM on March 21, 2007

Another: something that he really likes but can't get very often. Shows that you're thinking of him.
posted by divabat at 3:27 AM on March 22, 2007

Best answer: > Girls are to flowers as Boys are to _______

bees.

Have a hive delivered to his office.
posted by pracowity at 4:01 AM on March 22, 2007 [13 favorites]

Please don't send him flowers. Please, please don't.
posted by mr_book at 5:45 AM on March 22, 2007

Are we trying to impress him, or the office? There are times that a delivery of donuts and some fresh-brewed coffee at my office would go over like gangbusters, and a nice note from you to his coworkers. (Our office runs on sugar and caffeine, I'd be a hero!)

I second the comment about a gift that's connected to who he really is or does. My wife, for little happies, will leave me Gu packets and pick up a cycling magazine if I'm having a rough time at work, or if she just wants to make me feel special. Or a new DVD, too. Can't comment about any pouncing, or Mrs. Fijiwriter will smack me.

I might be old fashioned, but non-sexual gifts are just as nice in my eyes - it's her showing that she cares for me.
posted by fijiwriter at 6:46 AM on March 22, 2007

Maybe a plant of some sort? Bonsai tree?

If you are trying to impress the office, and it seems you are, the tree or a tray of food that everyone could share seem good.

I'd skip the booze at work, though.
posted by StickyCarpet at 6:55 AM on March 22, 2007

There is one answer to this (well, among anyone I know...)

You know, there's a million fine-looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work.
posted by Kellydamnit at 7:03 AM on March 22, 2007 [2 favorites]

Brainstorming:

* A picture frame with a picture of you in it.
* A new coffee mug.
* A silk tie.
* An action figure.

Basically, something that he can wear/utilize, and that people will ask the origin of. Then they'll say, "Ahh... how sweet!" when they learn it's from you.
posted by humblepigeon at 7:40 AM on March 22, 2007

I have actually received the cookie bouquet that GaelFC mentioned at work. Nobody seemed to think it was -too- strange -- but it's worth noting that the women of my office ate all of them.

(yes, permission was obtained first)
posted by Pufferish at 7:48 AM on March 22, 2007

What StickyCarpet said. And what unSane said.
posted by desuetude at 7:58 AM on March 22, 2007

I Nth having food delivered instead of flowers. Chocolate, cookies, fruit, whatever. He'll enjoy it, co-workers will enjoy it.
posted by Sprout the Vulgarian at 9:31 AM on March 22, 2007

My girlfriend sent me cookies (two orders worth, actually) to my job on V-day because she knows I work in a heavily female environment and roll my eyes at the constant parade of flowers being delivered and the fuss everyone makes over them.

Actually, it was probably one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.
posted by Brian Puccio at 6:17 PM on March 22, 2007

Something that isn't obvious.

Say, a key to a locker at the bus station or whatever - then leave something in there and so on as far as you'd like to go - treasure trail kind of thing?

My trail ended at a Victorias' secret where I had to pay for her purchases, which were already wrapped. How does one put it?

Oh yes, she got *pounced* :)
posted by DrtyBlvd at 2:31 AM on March 23, 2007