How to prove an online lie?

November 7, 2006 1:33 AM

Someone I know online may have faked her death to our group of friends. How can I verify this?

So I play World of Warcraft. A few months ago, a very popular player in my guild, S, informed me that she was going into the hospital to undergo a heart procedure. Something to do with the valves or something, she was extremely vague and wouldn't name her condition or anything for me, or anyone else in my guild, for that matter.

She informed us a real-life friend of hers, M, would occasionally log on and play as another character and could also update us on her status. Sure enough, S doesn't log on for a couple weeks, but M spends some time online and tells us things like S is in critical condition, although stable; she's in the ICU; she's coming home tomorrow, etc.

After S came back online, she adopted M's character as her own, informing us all that she was using both characters.

A couple of weeks ago, M logged on, identified herself as not being S and informed one of the officers that S was "found dead in her closet with an empty bottle of penicillin next to her".

Clearly, this implies that she committed suicide, which might actually fit with S's mood after her supposed hospital stay.

Penicillin is, of course, not a toxic substance, and I find it incredibly hard to believe that she would have been prescribed it were there any chance of an allergic reaction, given that she was supposedly being operated on, and therefore subject to a lot of medical scrutiny, so I am ruling anaphylaxis out.

Further, her avatar on our web forums was a hotlinked thumbnail from the teenage girl section of a modelling agency that is based in New Zealand. I went to the lengths of emailing the agency to inquire as to the health of the model that was linked to, and she's fine and lives in NZ.

S claimed to be from Nebraska, and her IP address from the forums checks out -- she's in Omaha. I have yet to catch M on the forums yet, and I don't have access to the raw logs, so I can't find out if they match yet, although I suspect I'll discover they're very similar.

Anyways, I've checked the obits at omaha.com, I've googled her registered email address, and come up with absolutely nothing. No deaths of someone with her supposed surname in the last six months that is even remotely close to her supposed age, and no blog/myspace that I've been able to find.

I've even asked M if there's an address where I can send my condolences or flowers, and she is insistent that the family doesn't want any reminders of this tragedy. (M is now playing both characters, and informed me they were both on the same WoW account, just FYI.)

Despite the utter lack of support M's story about S, and some evidence that we were lied to, some of my fellow guild officers are more than a little reluctant to accept that S may have lied to us about God only knows what else over the course of the last year and a half. But no one ever spoke with her on the phone, nor on Ventrilo or Teamspeak (voice chat programs used frequently in raids for MMORPGs), so we don't even know if S was a girl. (My hunch is that she is, but it's just a gut feeling.)

Apologies for the length, but I wanted to lay out the situation and what I've tried. If anyone has any suggestions as to what else I might be able to dig up, and how I might be able to do so cheaply (I don't have the money to make long-distance calls, order death certificates, etc, etc), it would be greatly appreciated. I primarily want to prove it to my guild officers so we can get rid of M, who is playing a fair amount, and call her on it so she quits messing with people's heads, but I also just want to get to the bottom of it.

posted by juliebug to Human Relations (34 answers total)

Wait, and I really don't mean this to sound snarky, but... you are ticked that someone is doing a little extracurricular role playing on a role playing game/forum?

It sounds like S was never really very upfornt about who she was and created a character to play her character. Now she wants to start over with a new character, M, just like in WoW.

Very few folks on the inter-webs are completely upfront but the deeper you get into worlds of fantasy and role play the more you are going to encounter people who are playing characters.

I think I'd just enjoy getting to know M just like you enjoyed spending time with S.
posted by Pollomacho at 1:45 AM on November 7, 2006

An empty bottle of made-it-up-icillin should be enough to kill off two whole drama losers. How old is she, 14?

Seriously, if she's going to tell big grown-up lies, she could at least Google up something fatal and get a new user ID.

Don't sit in her audience.
posted by Sallyfur at 1:45 AM on November 7, 2006

Oh, and if there is something that S owed you or someone else (either real or fantasy-wise) and this is a ploy to get out of the debt, then forget what I said. By all means be pissed.
posted by Pollomacho at 1:50 AM on November 7, 2006

There's a community on LiveJournal dedicated to LJ versions of this sort of thing. Brilliant detective work. Is there a WoW version somewhere?

(geez, WoW is bringing out the drama lately. One of my friends just found out that her (now ex) boyfriend was cheating on her with someone he met through the game and who is now apparently his fiancee. Crazy.)
posted by divabat at 1:59 AM on November 7, 2006

Hrmm... Indeed, does it matter if S really died or not? It's just a guild, it's not the end of the world, really.
posted by antifuse at 2:10 AM on November 7, 2006

Response by poster: Pollo - we all helped her out with her character. In-game money, lots of time spent, that sort of thing. I'm not looking to reclaim these things, I just want to prevent her from screwing with the heads of those who are more gullible than I. It's more like just not giving her the attention she's obviously wanting, but as long as she's in my guild, she has a hundred people to give her pity and sympathy and attention.

As Sallyfur says, I don't want to sit in her audience, and I think the best way to do that is to toss her out of the guild. In order to do so, I need to show my guild officers some sort of proof. So far, some of them feel they can explain away most of it.

Sallyfur -- Claimed to be 17, turning 18. And that's exactly the point, I'd rather not be in her audience. :)

Diva - WoW is full of drama, I can't even begin to express how irritated I am that I've allowed myself to get caught up in it all, but I am also determined that she not have a group of caring, helpful people at her disposal to mess with for attention's sake. As to the community on LJ, thanks, I'll take a look there and see if I can find something I haven't thought of yet. :)
posted by juliebug at 2:12 AM on November 7, 2006

Response by poster: antifuse - Ultimately, no, it doesn't matter to any of you, it doesn't matter to the world at large, and it doesn't matter to 99.99% of the people who play WoW.

But it matter to me, it matters to some people I can call friends and I would like to make sure she doesn't continue to try to get attention/sympathy from us.

This line of questioning is primarily to see if people can think of checking out anything I haven't, rather than debating the necessity or the value of trapping her in her own lies.
posted by juliebug at 2:31 AM on November 7, 2006

Well juliebug, it looks like M is violating the terms of use - she's not the one who bought the account. So death or not, she's not suppposed to be playing on that account. Blizzard is a stickler for these sorts of things. You could mention that to thier customer service.

So you want to do a little online snooping? Make sure you google all of her nicks, and also her email address without @whatev.org .

The real kicker for you though is getting that IP address it seems. (even then there could be some doubt) It sounds like you are an officer in the guild. Make up some reason for her to get on the board and put something on it so you can get her IP. You sound like you should be crafty enough to do that.

If your guild is serious enough about grieving S you might want to consider doing an in game funeral, and suggest that M put away S's character because it doesn't feel right for someone to be playing it. (Just make sure the funeral doesn't end up like this.)
posted by bigmusic at 3:35 AM on November 7, 2006

Was just thinking the same myself DieHipsterDie.

If said person is dead then that's sad and I can't understand why M would cotinue playing this deceased girls game.

This makes me think she isnt dead, as you suggest Juliebug. In which case, big deal!!! Really, it's just a game.

Either way can you not just get her character banned and be done with it?
posted by twistedonion at 6:49 AM on November 7, 2006

If S is M then M did buy the account and they can't be banned - I don't think lying in-game violates the ToS but I could be wrong.

However, if Blizzard don't ban the account this implies that S is in fact M, and then you've grounds for gkicking them, right?
posted by edd at 6:53 AM on November 7, 2006

You guys have all been pwned by an attention-whore. Suffice to say that she is getting a huge kick out of all this, and as soon as it dies down, some new twist will emerge.

Not surprising that people are reluctant to believe she's faking-- we are dealing with a group of people dedicated to suspending their disbelief, after all. Which is not a slam, it's just what it is.
posted by hermitosis at 7:04 AM on November 7, 2006

I'm just too old to understand how any of this is even worth giving thought to.

Really, it's just a game

These comments are really unfair. If someone had trouble with a possible liar in a "real" book club or on a "real" sports team or at a "real" BINGO night at their local church, would that make their concerns and hesitation and confusion more valid to you?

Online gaming is a popular hobby. People form relationships while spending time on any hobby. Please don't be dismissive of them when they ask an honest question. It doesn't make you look cooler than them.
posted by bcwinters at 7:23 AM on November 7, 2006 [2 favorites]

(Oh, and yeah, she totally faked it.)
posted by bcwinters at 7:24 AM on November 7, 2006

(Non MMOers: Imagine this is a regular poker game we're talking about. All in all, you like these people. But one of them is starting to look less than trustworthy. You can't exactly prove it, your other buddies don't want to rock the boat, and it's excruciating to sit there knowing that someone is eventually going to get burned. That's why it's hard to not care.)

I had a guildmate who was pretending to be two people on different accounts, and one of them was regularly having crises on a spectacular level. Eventually, I told our M that as a guild officer (I got the okay from our leader to do this), I would be happy to accept and corroborate her stories if she sent me a copy of identification with everything blacked out but her name OR a shot of her character selection screen OR any one of several other things that would have confirmed some of the blahblah (legitimate obituary links, etc). I'd even offered to send similar proof of my RL identity in return. If she didn't want to, that was fine -- but she couldn't expect me or anyone else to believe her unless she did.

That was enough to make our M/S go away.

Your definitive proof request will vary, of course. But again, anyone with nothing to hide can usually prove who they are fairly quickly, and if they're telling wild but true stories? Understands why you might ask. Courtesy and calmness was the key throughout, too. People like M/S steel themselves for eventual confrontation, and don't know what to do with anything else. And on the very remote chance that the story is true? You've always been above board.
posted by gnomeloaf at 7:34 AM on November 7, 2006

bcwinters, drama is drama, no matter where it happens. Life is too short to get worked up over dumb antics like this, whether they happen in-game or in-book-club. My advice is that the poster just drop it, and not associate with M or anyone else who's fueling the drama. This is the same advice I gave to that teenage Mefite dealing with a faker a few months ago.

If you wants to prove she's faking it, go to her house or call her parents or something. Of course, you'll look like a prick or an ass, but hey, it's the internet.
posted by muddgirl at 7:38 AM on November 7, 2006

These comments are really unfair. If someone had trouble with a possible liar in a "real" book club or on a "real" sports team or at a "real" BINGO night at their local church, would that make their concerns and hesitation and confusion more valid to you?

Absolutely.

OP: do you have any e-mail from both S and M? Check to see if the IP addresses in the headers match. I've got five bucks that says that they will.
posted by solid-one-love at 8:36 AM on November 7, 2006

If someone had trouble with a possible liar in a "real" book club or on a "real" sports team or at a "real" BINGO night at their local church, would that make their concerns and hesitation and confusion more valid to you?

Yes, because they are "real", face to face relationships. "Real" people judge others within seconds of meeting.

I spend a hell of a lot of my time in this "virtual" world. Never for a minute would I believe the identity of anyone I have a "relationship" with online until I had met them face to face.

But hey, I need to actually speak to someone face to face in order to decide whether I "trust" them or not. Call me old fashioned but the social disconnect that the internet creates is disturbing imo.

So I will say it's only a game. If it offends you, tough... I say a lot of things online that people find offensive. But that's ny online persona. In real life I am cool as fuck.
posted by twistedonion at 8:41 AM on November 7, 2006

You have two aims: to find out what's really going on, and to stop M's drama. I don't think you can really do the first, but how about ruining her fun? Log on as "Ghost of S" when M comes around. Have fun with it. She's definitely faking, and it'll drive her nuts.
posted by wryly at 8:44 AM on November 7, 2006 [1 favorite]

But hey, I need to actually speak to someone face to face in order to decide whether I "trust" them or not.

Good idea.
posted by gnomeloaf at 9:40 AM on November 7, 2006

as an aside, "Penicillin is, of course, not a toxic substance, and I find it incredibly hard to believe that she would have been prescribed it were there any chance of an allergic reaction, given that she was supposedly being operated on, and therefore subject to a lot of medical scrutiny, so I am ruling anaphylaxis out."

I think your assertions as to the story are correct, but don't make the mistake of overestimating our patient safety capacity.
posted by andifsohow at 9:54 AM on November 7, 2006

(Non MMOers: Imagine this is a regular poker game we're talking about. All in all, you like these people. But one of them is starting to look less than trustworthy. You can't exactly prove it, your other buddies don't want to rock the boat, and it's excruciating to sit there knowing that someone is eventually going to get burned. That's why it's hard to not care.)

You know what? Picture this: you have six people who play poker regularly, and one of 'em is someone the rest of you don't know very well. You start to suspect he's cheating, but you can't tell, and nobody else seems to care.

Here's what you do in such a situation:

First, when that person's not around, ask your other friends if they trust 'em. If so, mention your concern that he might not be, then let it drop. They're responsible for their own actions, and it's not your job to protect them. Let them use their own judgement.

Next, whenever that person stays in on a hand, you fold. Period. You don't have to play against him, but you can still play.

Anyway, the whole point is this: it's a game, and if a person chooses not to play by the rules, you don't have to play with 'em, and your job is not to protect those who want to play. Take care of you, and stop worrying about this nonsense drama.
posted by davejay at 10:26 AM on November 7, 2006

Answer the question or shut up, folks. It's not your place to challenge the worth of the endeavor - you can flag the question if you feel strongly about it.

Juliebug, while your desire to protect the more gullible is admirable, keep in mind that you are participating in this melodrama whether you're being sucked in OR endeavoring to prove it false. People like this live for the defensive reactions and weaseling just as much as they do for the go-along reactions. Gnomeloaf is on target - a simple and plain request should be the start and end of it.
posted by phearlez at 10:53 AM on November 7, 2006

Ooh, you need to read the story of "msscribe".
Totally fascinating, even if you have no clue about Harry Potter fanfiction writers.
posted by exceptinsects at 11:01 AM on November 7, 2006 [1 favorite]

Here's an overview of the whole thing, since the main link is looong.
posted by exceptinsects at 11:04 AM on November 7, 2006

Are you certain your guildie is in Omaha? I'm in Nebraska and my Time-Warner IP address lists my location as Oklahoma City in a couple of lookup sites (clearly not Nebraska). You might want to check newspapers other than just the Omaha World-Herald.
posted by lastyearsfad at 11:23 AM on November 7, 2006

I would honestly probably submit an in game ticket identifying the account as stolen or as involved in some sort of fraud. Blizzard will contact the owner of the account (I think by phone?) and if it's not the rightful owner, then they will disappear.
posted by lastyearsfad at 11:26 AM on November 7, 2006

First, when that person's not around, ask your other friends if they trust 'em. If so, mention your concern that he might not be, then let it drop. They're responsible for their own actions, and it's not your job to protect them. Let them use their own judgement.

This is great advice. Just do not engage.

On the Hoaxing Yourself episode of This American Life, you can hear about how a girl did something like this to cast and fans of Rent, and it's eerily similar to this situation.
posted by Famous at 11:44 AM on November 7, 2006

A similar situation happened with our WoW guild in the game we played before WoW came out, Everquest. I tried to find the gal's obituary repeatedly until I finally just said 'ah well maybe I have the last name mispelled' and let it go. Some time later I found a player with the same character name, look, class, etc on a different server's message boards signing posts with the same first name (Jenni) spelled the same way. I made a character on the server, confronted her and she confirmed it.

Your best course of action in re: finding the truth is just to 'wait and see.'

As far as the M person goes -
My suggestion (and this goes for every game-guild) is to get their real name and the real names of everyone in the guild. Anonymity should not come with your guild membership package. Anonymous relationships are a breeding ground for antisocial and even sociopathic behaviors, don't create them. Make it known that the penalty for failing to give this information or giving false information removal from the guild. We have had this pair of rules for four years now and they have served us well.
posted by Fuka at 12:09 PM on November 7, 2006

I live in Omaha. I know quite a bit of WoW players here at school.

Out of curiosity, perhaps you could send me the IP address(es) in question and I might be able to narrow things down as I know some netblocks used. Email is in the profile.
posted by crypticgeek at 7:55 PM on November 7, 2006

Thank you to bcwinters, gnomeloaf, solid-one-love, wryly, phearlez, exceptinsects, lastyearsfad, Famous, Fuka, dagnyscott, and crypticgeek for redeeming this discussion with their helpful and non-dismissive answers.
posted by Ian A.T. at 11:51 PM on November 7, 2006

Response by poster: I really never meant for this to become a discussion of whether or not this "mattered" to the rest of the world, because frankly, I don't care if it does or if it doesn't matter to you. It matters to me because it matters to 100 or so members of my guild. I've dealt with someone faking their own death in an online community before, some years ago, but it was a lot easier to get IP addresses and match them up because it was a mailing list. I'm just wondering if there's anything else I can do, any other resources people here know of that can help me figure this out.

As to some of the helpful comments...

1) The IP address resolves to a Cox cable address ending with om.om.cox.net. I've perused the websites of pretty much every paper I could find that is out of Nebraska, to no avail.

2) I have no emails from M, unfortunately... and none from S, either -- I got S's IP address from our online raid signup form, but M's character is too low-level to sign up for raids. But I'll try sending her a mail for some reason.

3) M has confirmed to me that both characters are on the same account and she's now the owner of that account. (I asked because S's parents supposedly cut off her account a while back, and M said she started paying for S, and is now playing herself.) If I could think of a type of screenshot that would validate her claims, or some other kind of proof, I'd ask for it, but apart from saying "I know this is you, S, now admit it", I'm at a loss. And it's not that I have proof so much as a whole lot of doubt.

4) I could report the account, and I have actually emailed Blizzard to see if they'd let me know if the IP addresses for a certain account suddenly changed or something, but they didn't reply. It's not like I was asking FOR the IP addresses, but anyways. I have little faith in their customer service department.

Fuka - how do you verify real names? Do you bother to? I know most of the (supposed, I guess) real names of most of the people in my guild, just from talking to them a lot, but we don't currently require such information. We also thought we had S's full real name and age and birthdate, but who knows if any of that is real.

Crypticgeek - Thanks, I'll send you an email, just to see if you can shed any light. :)

Thanks to all of you who tried to answer my question and thanks to those who tried to defend my choice of a question. Much appreciated.
posted by juliebug at 5:20 AM on November 8, 2006

Juliebug, I totally understand where you're coming from. I don't think it's a stupid question at all!

I can see this girl coming up with even more excuses... say the IP addresses match. She'll make something up about they were sharing an internet connection (neighbors or something) or she's been playing at S's house because her parents just love having M around, or something.

I hope you get her tossed from your guild. This kind of behavior does not need to be encouraged.
posted by IndigoRain at 9:03 AM on November 8, 2006

Mod note: a few comments removed, please answer the question or take it to metatalk. Dismissive "who cares" answers are worse than useless.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:59 PM on November 8, 2006

First of all, she definitely faked her death and your guildmates are either internet noobs or idiots for believing her. Faking your death on the internet is so overdone there's even a how-to guide on how to do it: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZXUHy8vrVY0

As you can see, the way the "girl" in your case did it is so common.

Secondly, there is a good chance your guildmates won't believe you even if you present them with solid information. Especially if they invested a lot of time, money, love in her. If she was pretending to be an attractive girl in WoW and you have a lot of male guildmates then I have no doubt that many of them where hitting on her and maybe even formed (what they thought) were secret relationships with her.

Thirdly, I asked one of my friends who worked at Blizzard about this. He said that you need to know at least two of these three things:

both peoples' real names
account name
character and server

if you can come up with two of those then maybe he can help you because she claimed to have switched accounts. Unfortunately, if she was pretending to be a pretty girl, it is very likely that one of your guildmates paid for her account. Email me if you can get two of those.

Finally, I'd try just linking them to that youtube video, telling them your concerns and seeing how they react. If they don't believe you then I'd switch Guilds. To continue to believe such nonsense suggests a lack of intelligence or a willingness to be fooled.
posted by avagoyle at 7:06 AM on May 23, 2007