Nintendo Wii and Teens

November 1, 2006 5:14 AM

I have a compound question...part one is about the safe-guards of the Nintendo Wii and the other is about how to handle a related situation with my teenage boys...

Part One: Does anyone know if the Wii will have any kind of parental controls built into it? We don't necessarily want our kids to be able to go anywhere they want (ie: porn sites) online when we're not around. Secondly, is there some kind of firewall built into this thing? We run a network with our computers and have some concerns about our computers being hacked through the Wii.

Part Two: We have 2 teenage boys (13 & 14 yo). The 13 yo has money to buy a Wii and wants to put it in his room instead of in the family room. It's mostly a control issue, we think. Our concern is that if it's "his" that he will expect to be able to control who plays it and when...and if it's in his room, the rest of the family can't play it at all once he goes to bed (Mr. Smith is a gamer, too). The parental control issue above plays into this issue somewhat.

We would rather buy the Wii for "the family" at Christmas and avoid the strife that we think this situation will cause, but the 13 yo isn't really happy w/ this because of the ownership issue. The 14 yo doesn't want part of his Christmas present to be the Wii because he wants money to put toward an iPod.

The other option that we came up with was to let the 13 yo buy his Wii and put it in his room and then buy a "family" one at Christmas for the family room. Neither of the boys are thrilled about this option because they don't want to "spend" the Christmas money on a second console. I don't really like this option, either, but we're stuck on how to handle the issue.

Any suggestions on handling this would be appreciated.

posted by Mrs. Smith to technology (32 comments total)

Oh god, this sounds like my brother and sister... "Mine! Mine mine mine!" "I NEED one too! Now!"

Best solution: do what you would rather do, which is the smart thing in this case: buy one for the family. If the 13yo wants to spend his (emphasis on his, not your) money on a second Wii, then it's his prerogative to do so. Explain this to him. Sometimes we have to make tough decisions with our money, and give up one thing for another. If he wants his own Wii for the convenience and, assumedly, the porn, then fine. But he's going to have to pony up for it, because you're taking care of family first and individuals second. This could be a valuable life lesson about not being handed everything you want and about greed (read: about him being a brat, or at least having control issues).

I'm not really sure about the 14yo's place in this... if the family gets a Wii, does that impact his iPod status? If he doesn't intend to use the Wii (and I'm talking intent, here, not actuality), then help him out a bit more with the iPod. If he does, then give him less for the iPod, but be sympathetic.
posted by The Michael The at 5:32 AM on November 1, 2006

When the 13 yo gets a "job" and earns his own "money," then perhaps he will be able to dictate what is "his." Until then, he should be grateful for whatever he gets. These are gifts, after all. Don't give in to his overdeveloped sense of entitlement.

Buy the family Wii, put it in the family room, and let him pout it out. Besides, while he's pouting, that means more play time for the rest of the family.
posted by somanyamys at 5:38 AM on November 1, 2006

If he goes out and buys it, it is his, isn't it?

The network it connects to, on the other hand... block the thing at the router to your heart's content. We have timers (network lights up at 4:30 and shuts off at 9:30) and activity logs. That's quite effective for us.

IMO, if Mr. Smith wants a new toy, he can buy it himself instead of burning up the budget for his kids' Christmas presents.
posted by Leon at 5:41 AM on November 1, 2006

Yikes.

If it was my house when I was younger (even if I'd had exorbitant amounts of money) I wouldn't have been allowed to buy a console for myself and keep it in my room. Mostly because it's selfish and it separates you from the rest of the family. Yes, it's my money, but it's their house and they decide what is and isn't okay. I don't know how your son would be with that though.

Perhaps you can do some tricky dealing and buy it mostly for Mr 13, perhaps using all of his Christmas fund and part of the birthday one, as well as some of Mr 14's Christmas fund (proportional to how much you expect him to use it) and then spend the rest of his on the ipod subsidy.

That way it's in a public room, Mr 14 still gets some money for an ipod, and Mr 13 has some sort of 'controlling share' in the Wii. Perhaps he gets to choose what games to buy, or something.

In the end, you're the parent. Your word is law. When you decide something, stick to it. It's unlikely that everyone will get their ideal situation, but they'll learn to compromise and deal with reality.
posted by twirlypen at 5:49 AM on November 1, 2006

It's probably not going to be a hackable device. There needs to be something exposed to attack, and it's pretty unlikely that the Wii would have anything to exploit. Worst case, the browser might have some exploitable bug, perhaps in image-handling code. But there aren't many people who know how to write code for it. Hackers would have to:

A) find the exploit;
B) write code to, um, exploit it,
C) load in code to exploit ANOTHER device in your house;
D) Go after this difficult target when there are many easier ones available.

Just exploiting the Wii itself won't be very useful, because it will stop being exploited as soon as you turn it off... unless they've done something very strange with it.

As far as porn sites go... nobody has talked about any parental controls. Generally, those are pretty easy to work around, so they're pretty limited protection anyway. If the web browser is on a separate disk, you could confiscate that. But they could borrow one from their friends. If it's built in, hopefully the protection system is good. Can't tell you more than that.

Blocking it at the router could work.... Leon's idea is a good one. You may have to block ALL clients though, not just the Wii. Depends on the router.

As far as Wii-in-kid's-room... that sounds like a bad idea to me.. it will be the source of many fights. Plus, if it has a browser and it's in his room, that could be a big issue.

Two people in the family want one, so I'd suggest spending family money, and encouraging 13yo to save his money for something else. If he wants a Wii in his room THAT BAD, he can buy a second one. But given your other concerns, I'm thinking that might just be a bad idea.

Another thought, assuming Wii in 13yo's room is verboten: family buys Wii. 13yo gives 14yo some money toward an iPod. 13yo gets use of Wii, but not in his room... it still costs him something, but not as much. 14yo can't use Wii unless he refunds iPod money. :)
posted by Malor at 5:50 AM on November 1, 2006

somanyamys: "The 13yo has money to buy a Wii", I read as meaning he already has the cash and it's burning a hole in his pocket. It's not a gift.

2nd child doesn't want anything to do with a new console ("The 14 yo doesn't want part of his Christmas present to be the Wii").

Only person who wants a "family Wii" is dad. It seems more than a bit unfair to buy one "for the family" when he's the only one who wants it.
posted by Leon at 5:50 AM on November 1, 2006

I find all this talk about "controlling" teenage boys pretty funny; I'm still young enough that I remember those days pretty clearly.

Here's a newsflash: the young Mr. Smiths are, at this point, already more or less out of your control. Sure, you can try to hold onto your control for a few more years while they resent you for it, or you can work towards a relationship based on recognizing their increasing independence.

If your son has money, and if it's his money, let him spend it. If you can control his spending, then it's not his money and his work towards earning it was a sham. When he wastes it on an expensive machine that he could have gotten from you for free, he'll understand he made a mistake. Probably won't admit it, of course, but that's to be expected.

And blocking 'net access? As others have said, parental blocking software is about as effective as childproof medicine bottles. Nearly any kid these days can pretty easily route around them -- or just go to a friend's house!

On top of that, they're infamous for blocking incredibly important sites that contain factual information about sex (Planned Parenthood, scarleteen.com, WikiPedia's pages on breast cancer, etc.) When your kids start having sex, do you really want them to be unable to read information about birth control and STDs? They're certainly not going to ask you those questions, but they might ask Google.

Weather you recognize it or not, your kids are already learning to route around you. Don't be that controlling mother; it just isn't worth it.
posted by jacobian at 6:05 AM on November 1, 2006 [2 favorites has favorites]

I think The Michael The is right on: Buy a Wii for the entire family, and throw in a couple games/accessories that everyone will like. If ownership and control are important enough to the 13-year-old, he'll have enough money saved up to buy his own games -- but everyone will have fair access to the console itself.
posted by phatkitten at 6:07 AM on November 1, 2006

If the bedroom Wii does happen, why not block it's network access entirely? If you *need* to play online games, play them on the family Wii.
posted by utsutsu at 6:19 AM on November 1, 2006

So the 13 year old already has a television in his room? That seems . . . unnecessary.

My kids are still small, but our plan is to not have separate TVs, and especially not TVs in the kids bedrooms. I'm afraid we'd never see each other if we did that.
posted by GregW at 6:20 AM on November 1, 2006

Wait, the 13 year old has a TV in his room? That was your first mistake. Denying him the Wii in his room at this point doesn't make much sense. Does he have a computer in there too? If he does, he is looking at porn, no matter how much stuff you try and block.
posted by Loto at 6:21 AM on November 1, 2006

Just realized that I didn't read closely enough... that's what I get for multitasking. My apologies. But the point still stands... If the Wii is a Christmas gift, then the 13 yo doesn't get to dictate where it lives/who plays it when. If this is really a dealbreaker for him, then he can spend his own money. But you might remind him that whatever money he spends on purchasing his very own console is money he *could* have been spending on more games for the Wii in the family room.
posted by somanyamys at 6:27 AM on November 1, 2006

You are concerned about a) the kids fighting over the thing and b) looking at questionable content.

In what way exactly is putting it in the family room not the most obvious answer here?
posted by glenwood at 6:31 AM on November 1, 2006

I do not think that people who are suggesting blocking access to his room realize that the Wii has built in Wifi. Now I would suggest that you limit internet access to the house as a whole to when you are at home and not too late, someone said 430 to 930, that is probably a good option. Also for the control issues, if he has his own TV and money, then I say let him buy a the console and keep it in his room, if Mr. Smith wants one for the family then get a second console, and put it somewhere accessible to all. But if Mr. 13 wants his own console so bad make it clear to him that any games or accessories bought for the family console with family money stay in the family room. He should be able to have his own system if he is willing to pay for it, but he should not be able to monopolize common property. As for security, Nintendo software is about a proprietary as you can get, and they are working with Opera for a web browser, so I would imagine that would be the least secure link in the chain and that is still pretty dang secure, so I wouldnt worry about it.
posted by BobbyDigital at 6:36 AM on November 1, 2006

Don't worry, Nintendo always considers the protection of children above most other legitimate concerns. I.e. having to obtain "friend codes" in the real world before you can play someone online, where as with XBOX, you play and speak to people you've never met before.
If Nintendo hasn't already blocked objectionable content through their browser, there will be a way to disable the browser altogether. Heck the browser is only free for the first few months, after that, Opera is charging a one time fee. If your worried even then, don't pay for it.
posted by JakeLL at 6:43 AM on November 1, 2006

The Wii will have parental controls similiar to what the other consoles have. You'll have a four digit password that will let you lock down certain parts of the console.

The Wii Browser will not be included with the system. If you want to surf the web, you'll have to download it separately. This is free for the first few months and then you'll have to pay for it. You can tell your son that if he gets his own Wii, he won't be allowed to download the browser or any online content. You should be able to lock him out of doing this.
posted by Diskeater at 7:19 AM on November 1, 2006

Well, I got my first computer in my room when I was 13 ... and promptly started downloading porn off of dial up BBSes at 2400 baud. *shrug* It didn't make me a deviant sexual predator.

I'm with some of the other people who said 13/14 is the time when parents start having to admit that they can't control their children anymore, they can only help them make decisions. Your 14 year old sounds like he's well on that road -- he knows what he wants, he's bargained with you. The 13 year old sounds like he needs a kick in the pants... but 13 is also the age where karma starts delivering that kick MUCH more effectively than parental dogma.

Doesn't mean that as a parent, you can't give Karma a nudge or two...
posted by SpecialK at 7:21 AM on November 1, 2006

(In my case, btw, that came in the form of a fairly bad virus infection from downloading something or another. I had to format and reinstall everything myself, because my dad knew EXACTLY how I'd gotten it.)
posted by SpecialK at 7:23 AM on November 1, 2006

I would like to suggest that dangerous internet on the Wii is not the only danger. Consider if you really want your thirteen year old unlimited time alone playing (violent?) games. There is nothing wrong with video games, but it is very different if you, the adult, are in the room, see what they are doing, talk about it, play with them from time to time, etc. I assume it would be difficult to restrict their video playing time if the console is in their room, whereas that comes naturally when the console is in the living room, when other people want to use it and want to watch tv from time to time.
posted by davar at 7:38 AM on November 1, 2006

Let him buy a Wii and buy a PS3 for the family room. Boom!
posted by travis vocino at 7:43 AM on November 1, 2006

I think I should clarify a few things...

Neither of the kids have a TV in their rooms. The 13 yo is asking for a TV for Christmas to use with the Wii that he wants to purchase with his own money.

Both kids are "good kids" and have only explored porn sites once (each) that we know about (we have a site-tracking program...not a blocking software). We've talked in length about it, as well as talking about our moral beliefs about sex. We are very open with them about all of this--and they do talk to us and ask questions when they have them. I'm more concerned about the kids ending up on an inappropriate site by accident, as we all know can happen pretty easily.

We've already talked about blocking internet access to the Wii. We can control it through our network router.

Mr. Smith & the boys have a lot of fun gaming together, so they all share the consoles that we already have (PS2 & Gamecube). It's a bonding thing for them, which has been really good for their relationship.

The more I read your answers and think through it myself, the more obvious the answer seems. I do struggle with the issue that the kids should be able to spend their own money on what they want (within reason, of course). It's important for their independence and decision making development.

Still open to more ideas & suggestions...
posted by Mrs. Smith at 7:47 AM on November 1, 2006

Two thoughts from an old fart with a teenager.
1. No wii should there be a gaming console in the bedroom. The kid will never leave the room. TV is pretty much as bad. Seriously, I would introduce a new policy of no TVs or games in rooms. And if you have a TV in your room, that applies to you too. As they say, a step backwards is a step in the right direction, if you're facing the wrong way.
2. It makes me sad to think of the negotiating of Christmas gifts. I mean, "what do you want for Christmas?" is one thing, but turning the Christmas gift exchange into a family power dynamic over control of assets seems sad.

and most 13 year olds won't be happy even if they are getting everything their own way. Sure, letting go and all that, but don't be fooled into thinking, as some reccomend upthread, that they will route around you anyway so set no boundaries. You could say they could go to any site except Stile, and they would want to go to Stile, andthey might go to Stile.. Set boundaries you are comfortable with, or you will wake up in a tub of regret.
posted by Rumple at 7:53 AM on November 1, 2006

Do you have an extra room that can be used as a 'game room'? That would be a good compromise. I'm sure the 13 year old is more concerned about being able to play while you guys are watching TV than he is about going to his room to play it.
posted by empath at 8:16 AM on November 1, 2006

Hacking the Wii: I can't imagine this happening. The Wii is running completely proprietary code, much of it brand spanking new. Most hackers are going to know nothing about the internals of the system, and so will not have the information necessary to successfully attack the system. Furthermore, I would wager that it doesn't actually present any publically open ports to the internet.

Nobody's computers are getting hacked by their DS.

Parental Control: I don't think so, unless they're partnered with a blocking/filtering service. I would just monitor their usage (which precludes a Wii in the room), in your position. (In my position, I'd just let them have the full, unrestricted internet.)

Wii in the bedroom: It sounds to me like Mr. Smith and Mr. 13 are the primary folks who would play the Wii. Have them work out a deal.

For instance, perhaps the one Wii is purchased at Christmas. Mr. 13 may take this to his room to play at any time that it is idle, and use it there (this is nice, because now people who want to watch Jeopardy won't throw him off the television). Mr. Smith may ask that Mr. 13 return the Wii to the family room immediately before bedtime, so that Mr. Smith may also enjoy the Wii after hours. Explain the bonus points, like how much nicer the family room television is than the crappy set in Mr. 13's room. Or, how the library of games will likely be larger since Mr. Smith has his interests as well. Or, how multiplayer games are a lot more fun when you have multiple players in the same room.
posted by Netzapper at 8:21 AM on November 1, 2006

We had a rule that all internet-connected devices had to be in public rooms. When we caught our son gaming online at 3 in the morning, we also instituted passwords on all family computers.

We eased up on that when he bought a laptop for college when he was a senior in high school, but until then, we were pretty strict.

But for a 13-year-old? Let him keep the Wii in his room, but don't allow him to connect to your home network. Only allow him to connect to your network when the Wii is out in the public room.

That way, you're not exerting undue control over his property; you're exerting control over your network which is, after all, *yours*.
posted by Doohickie at 8:29 AM on November 1, 2006

They're 13 and 14, and they've already seen porn, but you're worried about them "accidentally" stumbling on something inappropriate? The internet is not nearly as scary as you seem to think.
posted by spaceman_spiff at 8:30 AM on November 1, 2006

I do struggle with the issue that the kids should be able to spend their own money on what they want (within reason, of course). It's important for their independence and decision making development.
It is, but I think the issues could be separate. A "no tv in the bedroom" rule is totally reasonable. He can buy a Wii and put it in the family room.

A great book about raising teenagers without being controlling or permissive is "hold on to your kids" by Gordon Neufeld. I do realize it is probably overkill in a topic about such a simple thing, but this thread and the related issues of controlling vs letting go remind me of that book.

I am still a bit unclear what it is you are actually afraid about. It seems like a good idea to have that very clear for yourself, so you can exlain it to them. Do take into account that your good 13yo might be different when he is 16.
posted by davar at 9:06 AM on November 1, 2006

I always had my game consoles in my bedroom as a child, but that was mostly because my parents had no interest in playing them. You're the parent - you make the rules and you don't need to cave to Mr. 13's desire to have a Wii all to himself - unless you want him to hole up in his room. Also, 13/14 year old kids will find porn if they really want to, and I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing for them to see it at that age....
posted by gnutron at 10:21 AM on November 1, 2006

You're the parents. You make the decisions in the best interests of your family, not your 13 and 14 year old boys. You've already figured out that the 13 year old having his own Wii in his room will cause family strife, so where's the issue?

In my day, after we'd tramped home 30 miles in the snow, barefoot, we were just grateful to get an orange in our Christmas stocking, not arguing over wanting money for iPods.
posted by sarahw at 12:06 PM on November 1, 2006

FWIW, my parents have never even discussed having televisions in our rooms. They are really against the whole anti-social-teenager-living-in-their-bedrooms thing. There's four kids in my family, currently 14, 15, 18, 20.

If you don't want the 13yo to have a console in his room (at this stage anyway) just tell him that.

There are always going to be arguments over who plays what and when, but hopefully, you'll be able to get a range of multi player games that everyone will enjoy.
posted by cholly at 1:41 PM on November 1, 2006

Huh?

Wii = Porn?
posted by oxford blue at 2:31 PM on November 1, 2006

Also, 13/14 year old kids will find porn if they really want to, and I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing for them to see it at that age....

Two words: Goatse. Tubgirl.

When raising my boys I didn't worry about nudism as such, or even sex. But... there's a lot of sick sh!t out there...
posted by Doohickie at 4:15 PM on November 1, 2006