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Keeping the fun sexy time going after the climax.
September 8, 2006 11:06 AM   Subscribe

SexFilter: Making the fun last post-coitus.

How do I manage to feel sexual after ejaculation? I do not have a problem with premature ejaculation and actually maintain an erection for quite a while (~5-10 minutes) after ejaculating. However, my girlfriend and I would like to extend our activities to include certain things that can only happen after I have ejaculated. My problem is that I immediately feel completely and totally non-sexual after ejaculating and am never able to follow through on any of our post-ejaculation plans. How do I get rid of the sense of completion and finality that accompanies ejaculation?

A further note, I'm not really looking to separate orgasm from ejaculation, obtain multiple orgasms, or ejaculate again -- my orgrasms are just fine (and so are hers). I just want to keep feeling sexual and not feel totally "finished" (if not vaguely grossed out by we planned to do).
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (26 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
I think I know where you're, uh, coming from. I get the same feeling of nonsexuality immediately following orgasm, and doing things that only 5 minutes ago seemed really cool now seem a little like work.

But I just plough right through it. I sort of concentrate on my partner, and don't worry that I'm not particularly turned on or into it.

On reflection, this might be my version of faking it. Not that I'm faking anything except possibly the enthusiasm. And I don't feel particularly deceitful or anything, because I know what I'm doing is appreciated.
posted by flipper at 11:20 AM on September 8, 2006


How about snuggling? Non-sexual but definitely intimate.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 11:21 AM on September 8, 2006


She comes first. Live it. Afterwards, listen, cuddle, make breakfast/lunch/dinner, do the dishes, give her a backrub etc.
posted by purephase at 11:30 AM on September 8, 2006 [2 favorites]


How do I get rid of the sense of completion and finality that accompanies ejaculation?

I don't think you can -- I don't think it's a matter of thought or will as much as biochemistry. It is the damndest thing, though, isn't it? One second the universe is suffused with sexual energy, the next you'd rather mow your lawn.
posted by pardonyou? at 11:33 AM on September 8, 2006 [1 favorite]


Just wanted to say thanks for letting me know I'm not broken!
posted by Loto at 11:55 AM on September 8, 2006


How do I manage to feel sexual after ejaculation?

Yeah, you're trying to fight basic male biology there. Forget about "sexual", you're probably doing better than average just by remaining in the same room and not falling asleep.
posted by scheptech at 11:59 AM on September 8, 2006 [1 favorite]


As a woman commenting here...I think females of the world must just come to accept this biologically-induced fact. No matter how hard you try, apparently its that dasterdly hormone prolactin suppressing dopamine levels during a male's refractory period.

If you can sustain enough contol to not allow yourself to fall asleep through the obligatory post-coital "talking," then you are indeed more skilled than most.
posted by Asherah at 12:14 PM on September 8, 2006


But I just plough right through it. I sort of concentrate on my partner, and don't worry that I'm not particularly turned on or into it.

I really hope you don’t think I’m trying to be mean here – but reading that made me think of the episode of the Simpsons where Marge tells Lisa to “Take all your bad feelings and push them down, all the way down, past your knees until your almost walking on them”. And while I’m sure your efforts are borne of devotion and consideration towards your partner (your primary cause for concern being your potential deceitfulness as opposed to your own burden seems to affirm this) – I’m not sure I’d consider this good advice.

Now I’m no expert on the biology behind it, but what pardonyou? says seems intuitively true – you’re not going to be able to force yourself to still be in the mood. I imagine you’d have to work on the root problem or resign yourself to slightly disheartening alternative of simply grinning and bearing it.

Perhaps rearranging your sexual schedule might help? Do things in a different order?
posted by ed\26h at 12:25 PM on September 8, 2006


Yeah, you're trying to fight basic male biology there.

It's not just a male thing.

I, for one, am having a hard time figuring out what exactly you would do only after male orgasm that can't be done before.
posted by mckenney at 12:27 PM on September 8, 2006


Yeah, it's not just a male thing. I'm always thinking that after orgasm I'll just keep going but I hardly ever do. Whatever brain chemistry was coursing thorugh my head immediately stops and the snuggle parts turn on. But yeah I'm also wondering about this mysterious potentially gross thing that you conceive of doing after ejaculation. I mean, I have some ideas but...........
posted by otherwordlyglow at 12:38 PM on September 8, 2006


> I would like to extend our activities to include certain things that can only happen after I have ejaculated

Could you satisfy this particular kink at the very beginning, before you're aroused?

That is, if it is what I think it is . . .

More hints?
posted by Gordion Knott at 12:40 PM on September 8, 2006


Oh! I think I get it!

If it is what I think it is, then no, Godion, they can't.
posted by crabintheocean at 12:52 PM on September 8, 2006


To those asking what can happen only after a male partner has ejaculated - anything involving the ejaculate would have to wait until then.

I may be missing what the poster is hinting at, but that's what occurred to me.
posted by raedyn at 12:53 PM on September 8, 2006


I'm still a little baffled as to what the activity is. Why ask anonymously and then be coy about details?
posted by mkultra at 1:02 PM on September 8, 2006


This isn't just a male thing, and I think it's pretty set. The only things I can think of you could try are what flipper said, or just maintaining the mood as much as possible; unbroken eye contact while you come and until you've done whatever you were going to do, maybe.

You might have to accept that some things just don't look like such a great idea after you come!
posted by crabintheocean at 1:02 PM on September 8, 2006


I'm assuming it involves her (making him?) eat his ejaculate. Or something like that.

If so, yeah, I had a boyfriend that was really into the idea of it, but of course not so much after he'd actually come. We kind-of compromised by me telling all about how I was going to make him do it, beforehand (in great detail) but never actually did it for the same reasons you mentioned.
posted by gaspode at 1:35 PM on September 8, 2006


Well, he does have this post tagged with "snowballing."
posted by Four-Eyed Girl at 2:11 PM on September 8, 2006 [3 favorites]


you could come into a turkey baster (or a dish and then suck it into a pipette, depending on quantity); then wait for a refractory pd to pass; then start having sex again but before you finish, hit her with the saved goo, do your dirty sinful buiness, and then finish off wherever you please.
posted by jewzilla at 2:23 PM on September 8, 2006


The consistency will change too much.
posted by crabintheocean at 2:42 PM on September 8, 2006


How long does that activity take? My man has a short period where he's pretty much up for anything - just sort of a limp pile of goo. That seems to be the perfect time for such an activity. It sounds like your girl needs to take the initiative and just hit you with it, immediately post-coitus. If you have time to think "Oh crap, I know what's coming! Disgusting!" then she's waited too long.
posted by muddgirl at 3:18 PM on September 8, 2006


I propose experiments designed to inhibit the proteolytic enzymes that cause semen liquefaction; i.e. rapid heating or cooling of the ejaculate for longer-term storage.
posted by trevyn at 3:24 PM on September 8, 2006


the turn in this thread reminds me of this one.
posted by nadawi at 9:45 PM on September 8, 2006


2 men I've been with actually get SO PSYCHED right after (their own) ejaculation that they can't control themselves - they MUST do stuff (thank you so much). They freak out and it's so much fun - I always hoped more guys were like this.
posted by tristeza at 9:49 PM on September 8, 2006


I've had the ol' declined-interest-in-post-coital-activity blues myself. The only things I've found are either decreasing the quality of orgasm, or a really long session (almost to the point where it isn't sexy anymore, per se, just a fun activity). Either way, you don't blow your passion in one final oomph explosion, but let it the passion run out of gas. There are several ways of lessening the orgasm, from pulling out moments early, to just barely pushing yourself over the edge. As a guy, if you want to keep going, I think you've got to make it seem like you didn't end, you just had a peak in the process.
posted by The Mauve Frog at 8:37 AM on September 9, 2006


As much as I hate to recommend a prescription-based solution, if it seriously is at it's heart a matter of basic male biology, as many other posters have suggested, maybe you should look into drugs that are made to increase the male libido. You may have to be upfront with your doctor, since you already have a healthy sex drive and don't want to overdo it, just extend it.

I am not a doctor.
posted by ElfWord at 9:41 PM on September 9, 2006


Sorry, is there actually a prescription drug that claims to increase libido? (other than possibly testosterone therapy, which doesn't seem like a good idea for recreational purposes)

Like the OP said, this isn't about maintaing an erection, it's about maintaining desire after ejaculation.

That said, if you haven't already, I might suggest forcing yourself to vigorously continue with intercourse and whatnot, and see if you don't get back into it quickly enough.
posted by trevyn at 5:31 PM on September 11, 2006


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