Let's base our new life together on unreasonable expectations and outrageous debt!

June 4, 2006 11:23 AM

What's the median cost of a wedding these days? The average must be skewed high by the outrageous spending of the super-rich.

This article suggests that the average cost of a wedding is now $28,000. I assume that's in the US. I'm skeptical of these figures, because all the cost-of-wedding stories I've seen have all cited wedding industry surveys. The industry benefits from getting us to believe that outrageous spending is the norm because it inspires us to spend more.

The averages in the mid-to-high $20,000 range don't match with my experiences at all. I'm in my late 20s, and a lot of my friends are tying the knot these days. We're all college educated professionals. I don't know anyone who's spent more than $10,000 on wedding, reception and honeymoon combined.

I have a few aquaintances that have spent less than $1,000 on the whole thing -- backyard ceremony with $200 phone book preacher, pot luck reception, honeymoon camping in the woods.

I can't help but think celebrities who spend $200,000 on the dress alone are skewing the average.

Are there any figures out there about what a normal middle-class wedding costs? How about the median?

posted by croutonsupafreak to work & money (39 comments total)

You don't live on the East Coast do you?
posted by caddis at 11:42 AM on June 4, 2006

Yeah, we had by no means the most outlandish wedding of our peers, and we were married in Baltimore, and ours cost around 18K, not including honeymoon.
posted by gaspode at 11:45 AM on June 4, 2006

I can understand that median cost. Of the last two weddings I attended, one cost about $5000 and the other had to be in the $40,000 range.
posted by meerkatty at 11:49 AM on June 4, 2006

You're right, I don't live on the East Coast. And I know anecdotal evidence is dangerous. So yeah, maybe people with high-paying jobs in urban status-conscious areas feel the pressure to spend huge amounts. But I'm not interested in just them, I'm trying to get a bigger picture understanding of this stuff.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the median household income in the U.S. is around $42,400. That means half of all households make more, half make less. That's household income, not individual income -- combined income of everyone living in a single household. I just have a hard time believing that the median cost of a wedding is $28,000, given what people actually make.

To clarify: average, aka "mean," is what you get when you add what every wedding in the country spends, divide by the number of total weddings; median is what you get when you line up all the costs in order, from highest to lowest, and identify the mark at which half spend more and half spend less. Because outliers can have a huge influence on average, median is often a more useful way of understanding spending across a large and varied population.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 11:55 AM on June 4, 2006

I shall briefly add my wee voice to the mix — I know that what I have to say isn't popular or applicable to most situations.

My wife and I were married by a judge. Neither set of in-laws was happy, but so what? We were. We hosted our own reception. We ordered some fantastic food. We made some even better food by ourselves, and with the help of some friends. It was great fun for us (and, I think, for our guests). Total cost? Maybe $500, which we paid ourselves.

I know this doesn't answer the question directly, but feel it might be useful info.
posted by jdroth at 12:01 PM on June 4, 2006

This article cites the director of the Association for Wedding Professionals International as saying that the median wedding cost is $22,000.

But there is a big problem with talking to wedding industry professionals: sample bias. Who with a cheap wedding even hires a professional, other than the officiant and maybe the band? So how would the wedding industry even be able to factor in cheap weddings?

But then again, other than it being added to the census (and I'm sure they are more concerned with morbidity rates or something else), where else are you going to get numbers?

Or you could write your own poll, recognising all of its limitations (incomplete, sample bias, etc). Get people to declare profession/occupation, income, parental contributions, geographic location, religion, culture/ethnicity, size of wedding, whether held on own property or not --- all the interesting factors.

For what it's worth, our family (we were helped a great deal, or it was going to be potluck registry office) spent about $6000-8000 CND for 75 people, the half or more of which was on the catered dinner and drinks. (Our family wanted a dinner, and since they were paying, they got one. It was a surprisingly delicious dinner - university people really can cook when they aren't feeding students.)
posted by jb at 12:07 PM on June 4, 2006

I think, also, that you may have to take into acount culture (ie., the ethnicity of the families involved).

I know that the Sheik community here tends to have extremely elaborate weddings. The Chinese community, as well. These kinds of things tend to be more for the family and for the parents of the bride and groom to "show off" (but in these situations, it's usually the bride & groom's families who pay for most of it).

A couple of years ago a friend (half black, half brit - born in Australia, grew up in Canada) married a (somewhat) orthodox Indian girl. They had a backyard ceremony & reception where the officiant was a white guy who converted to Hinduism. Perhaps 60 people or so. Had all the traditional Indian customs and stuff (it was really fun) and they had a family friend cater. Total cost couldn't have been more than a couple of grand.

They also stipulated no gifts.

At another recent wedding, it was mostly Western-style at a private Hall near the beach then a Chinese-traditional reception at an expensive Chinese restaurant for 400 and lots and lots of rare food and costly drink. The bride & groom's family took care of the costs (and now they're separated less than a year later).

Another friend is considering a similar half Western/Chinese wedding next summer - and since his father's rich, it's going to be one of those multi-tens-of-thousands-of-dollars dealies.
posted by porpoise at 12:18 PM on June 4, 2006

My sister's wedding in northern Virginia, three years ago now, cost about $10,000. I think there were about 100 people. Ceremony was in a church in Herndon, VA, and the reception was held on a boat cruising the Potomac. It was nice without being super-over-the-top extravagant.
posted by hazelshade at 12:21 PM on June 4, 2006

Here in the South you get a church and preacher, a photographer, flowers, cake, punch, and a few finger foods (always to include mixed nuts and mints) and that's that. Apparently in other venues one is supposed to actually feed the guests a meal.

(in our church we have lots of people from up North; I have seen a whole gamut of wedding styles. Interesting.)
posted by konolia at 12:26 PM on June 4, 2006

cripes that's a lot of spread for a 50/50 endeavor. $50 for the license and a dinner for our (2) witnesses/friends. 13 years ago.
posted by edgeways at 12:39 PM on June 4, 2006

There is a world of difference between a private (couple, witnesses) wedding and a public or family wedding. Once your want your relatives to be there (and many of us do), there are minimum costs and expectations -- again, very much determined by class, ethnicity/culture, geography. I think it's wrong to pressure a couple into an expensive wedding they can't afford, but in my case, both of our families decided they wanted a medium sized wedding (with a dinner) and were willing to pay for it. It was as much their party as ours - and they in the end had as much say as we did.
posted by jb at 12:57 PM on June 4, 2006

Are there any figures out there about what a normal middle-class wedding costs?

The problem is a defintiion of "normal." I think you're experience is very specific to your age and culture as you say. Its not uncommon among many cultures, even as they have emigrated to the U.S. to spend lavish amounts on a wedding. It can cost up to a year or several years of the family income. Its something that families plan for ahead and save up for - just like, say, a college education.

I know among my Indian friends lavish weddings are common even among the middle-class. And among my Mexican relatives, a typical wedding may have up to 300-400 guests and cost anywhere from $20-50,00. You really dont need super-celebrities to skew the average.

So, the average for your age and culture is what you perceive it to be. The cost of weddings varies widely by not only culture but by geographic region, as others have pointed out as well. I dont think you're going to get a cozy, national median that is somehow "really" representative if thats what you're looking for. A graph would probably be a series of spikes.
posted by vacapinta at 1:02 PM on June 4, 2006

I guess it depends on how big a wedding you do. I can only speak from my personal experience, but I've worked for a wedding photography studio for 3 years here in the midwest. Now we do have the "basic" weddings that just get hitched, have a potluck at the community center or their home and then go on a cheap honey moon. But by and far, those kinds of weddings are not what I see. Usually, there's a ceremony at a church, photographer (naturally), reception with catered food, dj, limo, honeymoon, possibly videography, etc. Add in the "normal" things like rings, the dress, the tux, flowers, etc. These aren't the elaborate weddings, most weddings (atleast ones that hire us) I see have most or all of those components, and they add up quick. I guess it all depends on what you want to do, and what you've seen done at others weddings. If all the people you know do a simple wedding at a church, hire a photographer, and have a cheap reception then you're going to think a $28k wedding is not the median. Honestly, I don't think that number is skewed at all.
posted by crypticgeek at 1:05 PM on June 4, 2006

You could figure this out mathematically. For instance, you could figure out where the people who make the median income of $42,400 live. Using google for that area, you could then find dress and jewelry shops, caterers, florists, photographers and DJ prices. But you'll have to define what constitutes a standard wedding, which differs by region and culture, as others have mentioned. I think the main variables affecting cost are: the number of invited guests, whether the wedding is hosted in a tent (lots of rentals), a home or in a wedding facility, whether there's a served meal or a buffet or a clambake/barbecue, open vs. cash bar, and number of add-ons (people in the wedding party, flowers, photography, video, music, favors, limos).

After that, the remaining variables are the philosophical ones: how much does the couple/family want to spend? For instance, I work in the arts and could have easily arranged to get my wedding photographed for free, but I didn't even look into it. I preferred to pay for it rather than arrange for a favor from someone.

If you wanted to get really specific with your research, you could even take that $42,000 city/area and get a list of all marriages over the course of a year. The newspaper tends to list them, including details of where the wedding is being held, whether or not it's a first-time marriage, etc.
posted by xo at 1:23 PM on June 4, 2006

I spent C$3500 for 50 guests. This included:

- beautiful dress that my mom made using sari material from the Punjabi Market
- my shoes and nylons
- earrings and necklace (which I've worn since)
- three-tier cake made by a recent pastry grad
- marzipan favours made by same guy
- a huge buffet prepared by my mom and made to look like you'd get at a hotel
- beer, wine and champagne --> lots left over
- flowers (I splurged a bit here -- $300, but this included roses for my tightly bunched bouquet, MOH's, boutiennieres for groom/bestman/grandpa, corsages for mom/MIL/grandma/grandma)
- photography film & development (photography itself was a gift from a serious amateur photographer friend)
- decorations (including table cloths, arch, balloons, table centres, etc)
- rental of my downtown condo's ballroom
- rental of tables, chairs, food warmers, etc
- license
- officiant
- gifts for friends who served food and for wedding party
- my husband's new suit, which he still wears
- my MOH's dress

Throw in another $3000 or so for our honeymoon trip to an all-inclusive resort in Cancun. Our best man probably spent $500 on his suit, but he saw it as an investment.

None of this will show up in stats anywhere. My friend's cheap hotel wedding cost $10,000, plus honeymoon. Pricier weddings seem to be in the $25k range for under 100 guests.

I could have gone cheaper, but my mom pointed out that most family holidays and parties cost a little and that it was just that I'd never quantified everything before. Really, for what we got, it was incredible value.
posted by acoutu at 1:26 PM on June 4, 2006

I forgot the rings. But you get the picture.
posted by acoutu at 1:28 PM on June 4, 2006

Here in the South you get a church and preacher, a photographer, flowers, cake, punch, and a few finger foods (always to include mixed nuts and mints) and that's that. Apparently in other venues one is supposed to actually feed the guests a meal.

Please don't pretend to speak for the south.

On topic, I've always read that 20,000 was the average, and the weddings I've been (most in the south) support that number.
posted by justgary at 1:29 PM on June 4, 2006

i am attending 9 weddings this year, first one was a destination winter wedding that cost $300,000. The next 8 are going to range between $2,000-60,000 with the least expensive being in Las Vegas. having talked to all the parties in involved, only one has managed to pull it off for $10K and they had a pretty serious cut list for invitations. If you can find an affordable venue then that is where the real savings come in but that also factors in the area you live in and/or choose to hold the ceremony/event.
posted by dieguido at 1:54 PM on June 4, 2006

Here in the South you get a church and preacher, a photographer, flowers, cake, punch, and a few finger foods (always to include mixed nuts and mints) and that's that. Apparently in other venues one is supposed to actually feed the guests a meal.

I am currently living in Tennessee and this does not match my anecdotal experience of the South.


There's a couple of problems with wedding-industry figures:

• they don't include weddings which don't come to their attention (my aunt's second wedding, for example, involved hiring an officiant and buying some food for the family-only event, and that was it - the wedding industry never knew about her) so you lose a lot of data from the low end
• the figures I read in wedding magazines two years ago said (in the fine print) that this was the total cost to everybody in the wedding party, not just to the bride and groom, so while they might be more accurate assessments of the actual cost of a wedding, they are not a helpful guideline when making up your own budget

posted by joannemerriam at 2:23 PM on June 4, 2006

If you can find an affordable venue then that is where the real savings come in

I second this.

We had our reception (guest list of approx 100) at my parents' house, and that was our most significant savings, since we didn't have to pay a location fee (which in the area we got married would be at least a few thousand dollars for someplace half-decent), and also didn't have to adhere to the location's list of approved vendors. It was more emotionally satisfying for me, too.

It also meant we could make most of the food ahead of time (the entire week before the wedding was a crazy cooking fest though). The only things we had catered were the wedding cake and cheesecake desserts. That saved us a lot since ingredients are always cheaper than finished products - but to do this, you need organized, good-at-cooking relatives willing to pinch in (and parents with a nice house).

We also saved by having a photographer friend do the photos as her wedding gift, so we only had to pay for film and development.

We also completely denuded my grandmother's peony bushes for flowers - we paid for corsages and bouquets, but the house was decorated with these gorgeous heirloom peonies my grandmother has always grown. Had we decorated the house from bought flowers, the bill would have been closer to 3K than the $500 we paid for flowers.

Our total cost was probably somewhere around C$8-9K. We absolutely could not have done it that inexpensively without our families' enthusiastic help, but then again, without our families, we would have eloped.
posted by joannemerriam at 2:35 PM on June 4, 2006

Just to clarify, I'm not looking for advice on how much to spend on my wedding, nor do I care how much specific metafilter individuals spent on their weddings.

I'm going to guess that the median metafilter household makes more than the median U.S. household, and I'm going to guess that most metafilter-ites socialize with people in the top half of the middle class, even though those of us in the U.S. are probably in denial about this fact. "Most," not all. I know there are lots of folks on here with money problems, etc.

Metafilter is not a reasonable sample to extrapolate about the general U.S. population. I asked a question about data, and everyone is volunteering anecdotes. I guess I kind of asked for it, by starting with my own anecdotes.

It sounds like nobody on ask.metafilter has any data.

joannemerriam has at least the most insight. I'm marking her as best.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 3:22 PM on June 4, 2006

For an east coast wedding in the US, $28K would be a safe estimate for an average wedding. I'm getting married in October, and the reception alone will cost upwards of $10,000 (which includes a full seated dinner, champagne, open bar for cocktail hour, and space rental). Add to it the cost of entertainment (luckily my brother does weddings for a living, but you'd spend upwards of $1000 for a DJ and more than that for a band), a photographer (also usually $1000+), videographer (I am not doing this, but if I was it would probably also be $1000+), rings, favors, invitations, tux rentals, wedding gown, limo, officiant, other stationery (programs, menus), flowers...the list goes on.

Granted, it is all a crock of shit, the wedding industry is a total scam, but even doing a lot of the work myself and cutting corners, the wedding is definitely soaring way beyond my initial estimate of $10,000. Probably over $15,000. And I am not a princess who demanded a designer gown, a live band, a full bar for the entire night (that would have been another $3,000 for my 125 guests, btw).

Also, my wedding is going to be at a suburban hotel, not in the city, and was the best priced package I could even find.

So, again, $20,000+ weddings, not unrealistic at all. Stupid, yes, but not unrealistic.
posted by tastybrains at 3:49 PM on June 4, 2006

costofwedding.com has some decent data on local and national average wedding costs. You can plug in a zip code and get averages for a chosen area. My NYC zip code, for example, has an insane average of $72,000. The average in Beckley, West Virginia is $18,000.

A related site, theweddingreport, also has a lot of information on wedding costs for various locales. For example, here is a breakdown of various wedding costs in California. It also offers a report for purchase that includes national and local wedding cost data.

Not sure either of these sites has the median figures you're looking for, but it's better data than the aggregated national averages you see on most sites.
posted by brain_drain at 4:04 PM on June 4, 2006

P.S. The sources I just cited could very well be part of the perception problem you identified (i.e., give perception of high average cost to make everyone think they have to spend a ton of money), so the statistics should obviously be taken with a grain of salt.
posted by brain_drain at 4:06 PM on June 4, 2006

What the hell?!

Me and the wife spent a couple hundred and got married on the beach at dawn. Afterwards everyone hung out on the beach, swimming and playing.

$10k for a 2 month long honeymoon travelingthe world? Ok I'll do it. But for marriage?! These people are completley insane.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:30 PM on June 4, 2006

Here in the South you get a church and preacher, a photographer, flowers, cake, punch, and a few finger foods (always to include mixed nuts and mints) and that's that. Apparently in other venues one is supposed to actually feed the guests a meal.

...

Please don't pretend to speak for the south.

...

I am currently living in Tennessee and this does not match my anecdotal experience of the South.

it certainly matches mine.

"always to include mixed nuts and mints." excellent description.
posted by 3.2.3 at 5:48 PM on June 4, 2006

More results from the original survey, if you want to get more context for the number. It looks like they may include engagement rings in the price, which adds an average of $5k to the total. Also, note that the average wedding has 165 guests.
posted by smackfu at 6:51 PM on June 4, 2006

My experience with the typical Southern wedding is for lower-middle class/working class weddings. I wasn't counting the country club set.
posted by konolia at 7:10 PM on June 4, 2006

What's the median cost of a wedding these days? The average must be skewed high by the outrageous spending of the super-rich.

I think that Vacapinta's answer is best. Your question assumes that the super-rich are pushing up the average wedding cost--but I'd bet that some perfectly middle class people are spending a whole lot on weddings; they're saving up for it way in advance (and taking on loans, too). I'm sure that $20,000 designer dresses are part of what's going on--but it's also simply that some families, especially "ethnic" ones with lots of extended networks, throw big weddings. If you have a big family and you live on Long Island, for example--where I'm planning my wedding right now--$28,000 seems an all-too-realistic average cost.

I don't think you need the "super-rich" to explain that number.
posted by josh at 8:06 PM on June 4, 2006

I think people were just giving their own spending as an example of what does/doesn't get tracked and how even budget weddings easily rack up a few dollars. If you throw in the travel costs for people attending the wedding, you can easily push things up to $28,000 -- without having a big wedding. For example, any hotels surveyed might include all the hotel rooms for the wedding party and guests when they say $28,000 wedding.
posted by acoutu at 8:23 PM on June 4, 2006

It looks like they may include engagement rings in the price, which adds an average of $5k to the total.

Heh. I got away with a $250 eighth-carat engagement ring for Mrs. Doohickie. After almost 22 years of marriage, I guess I got off cheap, eh?
posted by Doohickie at 8:36 PM on June 4, 2006

But back to the original question.... we spent about $8k back in 1984, so that would probably be....what.... about $15k now? About 200 guests, meal and drinks included (about $3k each).
posted by Doohickie at 8:40 PM on June 4, 2006

We had 150 guests, a designer gown, buffet reception with band, paid for all the bridesmaids' dresses and it cost 25k
posted by oronico at 9:11 PM on June 4, 2006

I think that you're trapping yourself in a false dichotomy when you compare the median cost of a wedding to the median household income.

Large weddings are often paid for primarily by the bride's (or sometimes groom's) family, and not the young couple; people ages 45-60 have a higher median income than the overall national average. Not to mention the fact that the "grand total" is incorporating costs paid for by the bride's family, the groom's family, the couple and possibly the attendents -- it's impossible to compare that total to a household income and try to make sense of wedding budgeting.
posted by junkbox at 6:17 AM on June 5, 2006

Yeah i'm getting married this summer, and while I can't say much about this whole median price debate, I can tell you that we're gonna be in that 25K range and most of the cost is not for anything too extravagant, its just the cost of throwing a 2 day party for 150 people. I agree its a ridiculous price but someone has to throw parties like this, or else no one would.
posted by alkupe at 6:42 AM on June 5, 2006

So yeah, maybe people with high-paying jobs in urban status-conscious areas feel the pressure to spend huge amounts.

Or maybe things cost more in big cities - venues, caterers, florists, all of that is more expensive here (and DC isn't even that big)
posted by echo0720 at 7:18 AM on June 5, 2006

I'm 33 and the wifelet is 32. We got married in April. 150 people, with a reception at a very nice hotel in Scottsdale. The reception had heavy hors d'oevres and 5.5 hours of open bar. We wound up getting a lot of stuff on the cheap as we called in a lot of favors (an excellent DJ and excellent live musicians for much less than just a DJ would normally cost).

We spent a lot of cash on printing (we commisioned artwork from a buddy, etc.). I think the final wedding cost was around $25k, and the honeymoon (a week driving around Scotland and a week biking/boating around Croatia) was around $8k.

Took a year of saving, but it was worth it - we had a hell of a good time!
posted by smeger at 1:54 AM on June 6, 2006

I live in MD and spent about $15K on my 2004 wedding. $11K was just for the catering for 120 people. The food was phenomenal. My sister got married a few months before me and spent about the same.
posted by frecklefaerie at 11:43 AM on June 6, 2006

My experience with the typical Southern wedding is for lower-middle class/working class weddings. I wasn't counting the country club set.

Hate to derail, but as a Southern caterer, I'd just like to add my two cents to this particular line of discussion. I think the type of Southern reception has as much to do with religion as it does socio-economic status. Baptists don't drink -- hence a lot of the receptions are held at the church hall. You're more likely to find sandwich trays or just cake and mints at these receptions. People in denominations that don't frown on alcohol or people who don't go to church are more likely to have the reception at a hotel or other venue. If you serve alcohol, you have to have something more substantial to eat than mixed nuts.
posted by lemoncello at 1:16 PM on June 8, 2006