How to handle sexual harassment in a small office?

June 3, 2006 5:00 PM

Eeeewfilter: What to do when boss in small office sends porn to employee?

My friend is 22 and works in a small investment office. She has two employers - she does support work for both of them. Both men are middle aged. The main employer (boss1) is ok, but iis kind of gross as he is a married man and talks about the hookers he sleeps with (and other comments like that). The second-in-command (boss2) just sent my friend an extremely graphic porno clip via email, featuring a young woman doing all kinds of sexual things. My friend was thinking of leaving the office soon before this happened, because she wants to go back to grad school. She doesn't particularly like the job. But, she is paid quite well.

How should she handle the situation? What kind of issues should she be thinking about in deciding how to handle it?

posted by Amizu to work & money (28 comments total)

Does she want to sue? Start documenting everything. Keep a diary ("On date X, with person Y present, person Z said A, B and C to me."). Take photographs (camera phone!). Send copies of emails to off-site storage (e.g. Gmail, disks, etc). Get a new job. Call an attorney. Get ready for the roller-coaster ride.

Does she just want to leave? Then leave.
posted by frogan at 5:07 PM on June 3, 2006

Collect documentation. Obtain verification of the origin of the e-mail. Get witnesses. I would suggest this regardless of whether she leaves the job or not; "boss2" may realize his mistake and choose to take preemptive action against your friend. If this is small business, complaining to "boss1" is probably a waste of time, but obtaining leverage in case "boss2" decides to get stupid is essential.
posted by SPrintF at 5:08 PM on June 3, 2006

Delete the porn and move on from the job she doesn't really like anyway and was thinking of leaving. No brainer.
posted by fire&wings at 5:14 PM on June 3, 2006

Document this stuff no matter what you do.
posted by Behemoth at 5:46 PM on June 3, 2006

I think the action taken depends on the desired outcome; does she want to:

A. leave but somehow take them down on the way out (i.e. financial settlement and/or public embarassment)

B. continue working there but stop the porn from ever happening again

C. both (continue working there AND file charges)

D. neither (shrug it off and just leave)

I could see very different paths taken depending on which of those she wants. If D she can just walk away. If A or C then she needs to hire a lawyer ASAP. If B then she could potentially try to talk to the other boss or other employees about it, or something.
posted by Rhomboid at 5:47 PM on June 3, 2006

First and foremost, she should talk person-to-person with the employers and clearly communicate what bothers her. Sometimes, people just don't think; it could be intentional, it might not be. Maybe forwarding the e-mail was an accident and someone else was the intended recipient, and then again, maybe not. She won't know until she discusses it. Make sure she stays professional and non-confrontational. Something along the line of "I noticed that you sent me a video the other week through e-mail. I like to keep my e-mail for professional material only, and would appreciate it if you could help me out with that." That way, she gets the point across and is not accusatory, and if it was an accident, the employer may not feel cornered and might admit as much.

After talking with the employer, then you can go the HR route and even use courts or your state employment office to follow-up. But, do this as a last resort. I'm sure that the employer, after realizes this bothers your friend, will make a genuine effort to respect her wishes, even if only out of fear of a harassment suit. That way, everyone wins. Your friend has a workplace where she can be comfortable, and the employer now knows the boundaries of what is appropriate and what is not.
posted by galimatias at 6:56 PM on June 3, 2006

She should tell both men clearly that she's uncomfortable with the behavior. They'll persist. She should document it and sue them to pay for grad school. Women should not have to put up with crap like this in the workplace.
posted by theora55 at 6:57 PM on June 3, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

I'm not from America, so I don't understand the cries of "sue 'em" that seem to be coming so easily to others lips, maybe in your friends area that really would be appropriate, but it is still culturally jarring for me.

My suggestion would be to just tell them straight up that she doesn't like that sort of thing. If she hasn't done this already, who knows, maybe they really haven't realised that what they're doing is so unprofessional.
posted by The Monkey at 7:49 PM on June 3, 2006

I'm a guy. I consider this behavior inappropriate in the extreme but...

Sue them, no. Talk to them, no. Leave at the first opportunity she has, yes.

I'm not a lawyer but I do know that lawsuits are not simple, quick affairs. She shouldn't consider suing unless she is ready for the long haul because they will fight it. The notion that she should sue them and zip off to gradschool is a little wishful. She should ask herself how much time she wants to waste on them. It isn't here job to to see they pay for their behavior. Unless she really wants revenge she shouldn't waste her time.

If she talks to them, all they will probably do is laugh it off. The other likely outcome is that they will consider her a frigid self-righteous bitch who can't put up with a harmless joke. After all, its not like they did anything wrong. (Not how I see it, but how they will)

This is a no win situation for her. Her bosses are pricks but the best bet is to leave with a good reference. The other options will only end up costing her more.
posted by 517 at 8:04 PM on June 3, 2006

Monkey, It is called sexual harassment, and is against the law. All she needs to do is save the email and go to the local labor board. They'll help her find a decent lawyer. This type of behaviour is juvenile and should not be tolerated. But of course you knew that...

Maybe they want her to leave. If she just leaves they won't have to pay into the unemployment insurance pool.
posted by Gungho at 8:11 PM on June 3, 2006

Make a backup of the email as well as forwarding it to a private account. An email forward will carry less weight than an actual backup, since it's easier to forge.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 9:56 PM on June 3, 2006

...a boss would have to be clueless and reckless to do something like this intentionally...perhaps the way to approach it is to go to boss2 (or reply to the email) and say 'i think you sent me this email by mistake' and then base any decision on the reaction...you give the boss a chance to reconsider and back out gracefully if it was just a foolish decision...the email exchange itself documents the event if the behavior resurfaces and you want to do something about it legally...and also, it's a safer move considering there's a chance that someone else (another employee, a friend, a pissed-off girl-/boyfriend) got access to boss2's email account and decided to prank...
posted by troybob at 11:57 PM on June 3, 2006

It's possible that someone's got boss2's password and is fucking with him. He probably deserves it, but regardless, you need to determine that first. Or just leave. I'd probably leave, but not before naming and shaming the company.
posted by Mr. Gunn at 12:44 AM on June 4, 2006

One thing that nobody's mentioned. If she just walks away, what happens to the next young woman who takes that job?

I'd be willing to bet this has happened before.

I'd be willing to bet it will happen again.

If nobody tells these guys it's morally, ethically, legally wrong to treat their employees this way, why should they stop?

"Whatever happened to [Amizu's Friend]?"

"I don't know. She just left. But check out the new babe!"
posted by AmbroseChapel at 1:02 AM on June 4, 2006

I've talked to her some more, and she does want to just leave. I think one factor is that there aren't a lot of other employees - it's just her and those two men. She was planning on leaving in two months anyway, to start grad school. But I think it would be hard to get a decent job for those two months, and she shouldn't have to lose that income just because this guy is a jerk. So I think she should try to get a good reference and some money to carry her through. Thoughts? Is she entitled to this? How to go about getting it?

Monkey - I don't think she should sue, partly because I don't think the offense was sooooo bad, and partly because I think she'd be tied up in court forever. But the reasons why we (Americans) might seriously consider suing would be: (1) revenge; (2) profit/offset losses; (3) punishment - teach them a lesson that they should not treat an employee like that; (4) personal dignity - leaving without any fight can seem cowardly; (5) as a technique to inspire them to cough up some money to offset the loss she'll be suffering by not working the next two months, or at least not being paid as much; (6) stop them from doing this to someone else; (7) possibly other reasons.
posted by Amizu at 6:01 AM on June 4, 2006

In order for it to be sexual harassment, though, it has to be defined by the recipient as offensive! If I winked at someone and they liked it, it wouldn't be sexual harassment, but if I winked at another, it would be. It absolutely must be expressed that the behavior is unwelcomed first before even considering making charges. Just say it already! Don't make people assume they know what you mean -- it would be the identical crime for you to assert they should have known it was wrong, as they would be comitting by assuming you thought it was OK since you never said anything.
posted by vanoakenfold at 6:03 AM on June 4, 2006

As an HR person, I was trying to stay out of this, but in the interest of education, I have to respond to vanoakenfold. Actually, someone doesn't have to give you any kind of notice that the behavior is offensive, and in many cases, what was once okay, becomes seriously NOT okay once they get fired, quit, or talk to their lawyer friend at a dinner party. The courts decide on whether the behavior would be offensive to "a reasonable person."

This situation is a perfect example of why someone would not necessarily make a direct complaint; the power differential is just too great, and there are no other internal avenues to persue to get the behavior to stop, other than just quitting. Statistics say that 45% of American women feel sexually harassed at some point in their careers, and most don't say anything OR sue OR go to the labor board, they just quit and go find a better place to work.

In this person's case, I'm almost certain that AmbroseChapel has the pattern down tight. Some people are just ignorant jackasses, and they will remain that way until someone hits them over the head with a legal two-by-four. They won't even notice that she's gone, it will just be an opportunity for new eye candy.
posted by pomegranate at 9:34 AM on June 4, 2006

pomegranate, she doesn't have to prove that the company was on notice about the behavior in order to sue, but she does have to prove that in order to get damages from the company itself. Usually, the company has deep pockets, and that's where you're going to get your money, so it is an important facet of the lawsuit.

With a three-person company, though, there are several specific issues to take into account. If both of the other employees are helping to create the "hostile work enviroment," then it should be easy to prove that the company was on notice about the behavior. Sexual harassment law, by the way, is divided into two kinds of cases: quid pro quo (e.g. sleep with me or lose your job) and hostile work enviroment (e.g. women receive sexually explicit e-mails and stories). This situation would fall in the latter category.

BUT...the major statute in this realm does not apply to companies with this few employees (the cut-off is 6 or 10 or 12 employees -- I forget). Your friend should call the EEOC and find out what her legal options are, whether or not she decides to pursue the case. They'll be able to tell her whether her company is too small to sue successfully. And if she decides to pursue the case, they can handle it for her. In fact, I believe she's legally required to start by talking to them.

One more issue to consider: it's difficult to bring more than one successful sexual harassment suit over the course of a lifetime. If a jury discovers that someone's filed suit before, they're likely to dismiss the woman as a whiner instead of someone with separate, valid complaints. A good judge will keep that kind of evidence away from the jury, but there are lots of bad judges and lots of sneaky defense lawyers. This blows. But it's the truth, so your friend should consider whether it's worth making this her one suit ever, or if she wants to save the ability to sue in case she's ever in an even worse situation.

Good luck to your friend! Going to work everyday with people who make you uncomfortable, especially sexually, is an awful, awful experience. I hope whatever course she pursues brings her into a more comfortable atmosphere.
posted by equipoise at 10:03 AM on June 4, 2006

vanoakenfold's response here is completely wrong, just like nearly everything he's posted in the last several months.

The poster described behavior that is way, way over the line that separates merely tasteless behavior from harassment.

As for vanoakenfold, I suggest you re-evaluate your posting practices. Your point of view is sufficiently bizarre that your Ask Metafilter answers are becoming a psychiatric curiosity. Your advice certainly isn't helping anyone.
posted by ikkyu2 at 10:36 AM on June 4, 2006

I don't know the legal details enough to comment on a possible lawsuit, even if I think I would support her lawsuit if she was asked to do something sexual under the menace of negative consequences.

Yet it seems that she merely received a picture of a woman having sex. If she was the only recipient of this mail, I would think that would be a kind of "advance" from the sender to the recipient, but it may equally be an error. If the behavior of sending pictures/video NOT related to work is specifically and repeatdly addressed to her, I would log that mail hoping that they can be used as some kind of proof and to show that she was targeted, singled out and mobbed.

Point is, she may be reading sexual intention or advances in what could be a merely juvenile, maybe stupid but fundamentally harmless behavior. The fact that she may feel menaced by that kind of images isn't sufficient to determine if the people sending the porn mail belong to the category of

a) harmless obnoxious pranksters
b) people menacing consequences if you don't put out or dress in a revealing way

I symphatize with her feeling annoyed and I am sorry she doesn't realize she has all the power to disregard the event , frame the issue of porno pictures as "just a picture" and remain on the watchout for really -violent- or menacing behaviors. She certainly shouldn't be afraid to look after legal remedies, but that doesn't mean she HAS TO seek legal remedies to show herself she isn't afraid of using them.

Actually the best I can wish her is to learn how not to take pictures as "big deals" ..a picture of a person having sex is just a picture, it doesn't carry any particular meaning. Me coming unto her and suggesting we should spend a night togheter is suggestive of sexual behavior and she may as well tell me to fuck off, or feel menaced and leave or ask me to leave her alone, or enjoy the advances and maybe play around.

Indeed there is a difference between asking a man/woman to disrobe more/less or to wear more/less , ask him/her to have sex or expose genitals or do something with their body AND just seeing a picture. She will be enormously empowered the day she realizes it is just what it is, a picture.
posted by elpapacito at 11:34 AM on June 4, 2006

I completely agree with galimatias. Your friend should just tell her boss she doesn't like getting those emails. If he persists she should definitely pursue the legal route.

I'm also not American, but like The Monkey, don't understand suing as a first resort.
posted by Penks at 11:54 AM on June 4, 2006

"Boss2! How very embarassing this must be for you! Since you clearly meant to send this to your wife I went ahead and forwarded it for you."
posted by ilsa at 3:13 PM on June 4, 2006

Contact the EEOC and a respectable employment lawyer immediately.
posted by Ironmouth at 3:46 PM on June 4, 2006

Thanks for all the help.

Ilsa - ha, ha.

Penks - I don't think suing is the first thought, but if she ever wants to/needs to, she might want to think about documenting this whole event while she still can.

elpapacito - it isn't just a picture of people having sex. it's a long, very explicit, video of a young woman having anal sex, and it was sent to a young woman her boss, a man thirty years older. I'm not saying the video is inherently disturbing, but in this context I think it's perfectly reasonable to be angry and disgusted.
posted by Amizu at 5:43 PM on June 4, 2006

from her boss
posted by Amizu at 5:48 PM on June 4, 2006

You say that she has 2 employers. Is she the only employee? If that is the case, there are some guidelines but most of the legal issues are based around the normal Person-to-Person laws, and not employment law for a 3 person company. If not, it would depend on how many people there are and what the others have experienced.

In addition, remember that, under harassment law, there is no need for the person being accosted to actually receive the item in question. They can be a 3rd party just witnessing it and still be placed in a situation where their workplace has become exclusionary.

Basically, remember that the purpose of these laws are to prevent people who want to work and who can work from being forced out due to non-work comfort issues. If she can talk to the boss and tell him, hey, that is enough, then she should. If the other one is more approachable, then she may want to let him know. Maybe they have lost 3 other interns in the past and he does not know why. If neither are approachable, and she still wants them to correct their behavior, then the EEOC is the way to go.

BTW- with a small firm like that, word of mouth is how they live, so keeping it quiet is their main goal.
posted by slavlin at 8:48 AM on June 5, 2006

if it is a small investment office, the danger of being exposed as perverted old men to their colleagues, professional organizations, and religious groups might motivate them to arrange an acceptable severance package when she quits. I would never advocate blackmail, but negoitating from strenght is a different matter.

IANAL
IANAW
IANAanything
posted by Megafly at 6:32 PM on June 5, 2006

Perhaps the problem is that I feel sorry for the porn sharing boss. It's possible that he honestly thought he was subtley coming onto the girl by 'testing the waters'. In this case I don't think the correct response is necessarily to immediately sue the poor guy in court, it's to tell him to stop it. Or, indeed, possibly to forward the email to his wife.

I also think that it's not reasonable to charge someone with sexual harrasment if they aren't told what they're doing is unwanted. I mean, virtually everyone with a normal human soul flirts from time to time.

It's just that the vast majority of ordinary reasonable people don't think the first blush of a flirt should be video of hardcore anal pornography. But the poor guy, he's obviously got some problems there somewhere.
posted by The Monkey at 10:35 PM on June 5, 2006