Quick Hints to Not Ruminate on Work all the Time

August 15, 2024 10:00 AM

I ask this question probably every ten years, but I'm in the middle of starting work for real for the first time since December, and I when I wake up at night, I just can't sleep. What are some out-of-the-box ideas of trying to get back to sleep? The usuals- read, write a journal, count down from 100 don't seem to work well with me.

I think about work, what i should do, how far I'm from being ideal. I've done this most of my last 20 years of working anytime i'm doing actual work (like 5+ hours a work a day). I wake up more than usual since I got a 3 month old, so I have more chances to not fall back asleep in an hour

posted by sandmanwv to Work & Money (22 answers total)

I had a friend that dealt with this and for her what finally worked was to devote 5-60 minutes every evening to Journaling About Work time. I think she landed on 8 - 9 pm or so time lock.

Some days she thought she only had a little to write about but she’d need 45 min to get all the work gunk out. Other days she thought she needed 45 min but it took only 10 min to purge the work thoughts.

I vaguely recall her saying that she had to figure out how to put a “container” around the journaling, otherwise it actually made rumination worse… I think she did this by writing down a few bullet points for the next day, something like: “I will be assertive” or “I’ll make sure to check my task planner before I get sucked into emails”, little action items for tomorrow that close it out for the night.

It basically allowed her to download the thoughts because they were going to circle around in her head either way, so being proactive and routine about it helped her sleep a lot better.
posted by seemoorglass at 10:07 AM on August 15 [2 favorites]

Best answer: Have you heard of "cognitive shuffling?" The idea is to give your brain something specific but boring to focus on instead of the rumination. One version I like is to think of two unrelated objects for each letter of the alphabet, counting eight heartbeats or breaths in between. So: asparagus, Albany, eight heartbeats, bronze, boredom, eight heartbeats, cauliflower, Catherine O'Hara, eight heartbeats, etc. If I'm especially stuck on anxious thoughts, I'll add a level of difficulty by picking two related words: both foods, or both characters from a book, or both places, or whatever. It's startling how well this works for me, and it works well for my anxious kid if I give her a topic to focus on because the fully freeform version isn't enough to rein in her wandering thoughts. If your brain starts to head back to work, you can just pull it back to the next letter as soon as you notice.
posted by SeedStitch at 10:10 AM on August 15 [25 favorites]

A general approach that has helped me when I wake up thinking about work: I ask myself, "Is this a problem I can solve right now?" I might even have a little conversation with myself about it, like...
- Is this a problem I can solve right now?
- Well, I could send an email to Person X about it.
- Are they working right now? Will sending the email now cause anything to change before morning?
- No, but I could at least compose the email.
- Will you be able to do a better job on that email with some more sleep in you?
- I guess so.

This sometimes helps. Some other things that help are (1) having a notebook by my bed to write down tasks or plans for the next day, and (2) keeping a Sudoku book or other absorbing puzzle book by my bed that I can use to tire out my brain if it won't stop thinking. I've found it's really crucial to avoid looking at my phone (for instance, doing puzzles on my phone or making notes in my Notes app), because, in my exhausted state, I will be unable to resist checking just one email, and then I'm sucked in for hours.

Another thing that generally helps is to do physical exercise during the day so that I'm tired enough to sleep through the night. Exercise also helps to decrease my stress/rumination level overall.
posted by ourobouros at 10:10 AM on August 15 [2 favorites]

If you’re looking for a low effort bedtime wind down I have had great success with the Sleep Magic podcast (Apple podcast link). I never make it to the end of an episode.
posted by janepanic at 10:23 AM on August 15

I try to analyze book plots or recap things in my head, which works sometimes for nodding off.

Frankly at this point, prescribed sleep meds are about what works.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:28 AM on August 15

Seconding cognitive shuffling. I also like to set a five or ten minute sleep timer on a low stakes podcast. The Empty Bowl is my go-to — all cereal news, all the time! Headspace, if you feel like paying for it or have a friend/family member who can put you on their plan, also has nice “sleepcasts” where they guide you around chill imaginary locations like an antique store or a marina full of cats on houseboats.
posted by ceramicspaniel at 10:31 AM on August 15 [2 favorites]

I listen to the BBC Radio 4 Shipping Forecast, the five-hour version, along with night-insect sounds on my noise machine.
posted by jgirl at 10:43 AM on August 15 [4 favorites]

This is what helps me: When I’m awake and fully conscious, I think back on my middle of the night ruminations and make a clear-headed judgement call that they are unhelpful and the product of a restless mind. Decide that there is nothing to be done in the middle of the night, trust that you remember things the next morning, and know that you are always happier if you spent the time sleeping instead of thinking about work things. Once your conscious mind knows this as a fact, you tell it to yourself when you wake up in the middle of the night. Anytime you start to drift towards work stuff in the middle of the night, just firmly tell yourself it’s off limits and do whichever cognitive shuffling or sleep podcast that helps you actually drift off.

I know this sounds simple and dumb, but there is something about not quite believing that shouldn’t be worrying about things when you wake up at night that makes it hard to focus on anything else. You have to give yourself that permission and the permission has to be based on your awake rational mind providing that permission to lean into. YMMV, but I hope it helps!
posted by LKWorking at 10:46 AM on August 15 [1 favorite]

If you think it's related to basically lack of distraction, and other solutions aren't working, I would try hobbies. If you have a problem to solve in a hobby, even if thinking about that problem doesn't put you to sleep, it could be productive. Having a 3 month old, they could be your "hobby." Basically daydream about what they do or have done recently, who they are, who they will become. The idea is accepting falling asleep is going to be hard, but making it more productive than thinking about things you can't change at work.

It doesn't sound like you're thinking about steps to improve at work, it's more self-sabotage which isn't productive at all, and probably won't prompt any changes. In fact, you could try that as well. I have a boss who says "Don't bring me a problem unless you also bring a solution." (He's obviously not saying you have to solve everything yourself, just focus more on how to solve it rather than worrying about blame or being overwhelmed by the problem.) You could challenge your thoughts when you focus on work, challenge the negative thoughts to come up with solutions, not just a list of everything that's wrong. Again, it's trying to make the thoughts more productive, which in turn may help you fall asleep (especially if like me, you come up with boring, though effective, solutions). Intentionally turning your thoughts to a different topic (a hobby, your child, solutions at work) can help relieve the stress which is likely keeping you awake.
posted by Meldanthral at 10:54 AM on August 15

Things that help me get back to sleep:
- relaxing music - I like Sleeptube and Fernando Sor right now
- guided meditation with binaural beats via headphones
- magnesium
- camomile lavender tea
- smoking weed
- masturbation
- hot epsom salt bath
- putting an icepack in my bed if it's too hot
- wearing earplugs
- putting a shirt over my face
- LKWorking's advice
posted by wheatlets at 11:39 AM on August 15

Another thing: I arrange my bedding or a pillow or whatever so that when I exhale my breath gently washes over my eyes. Super effective!
posted by jgirl at 11:43 AM on August 15

Do a good brain dump every day so you have more plans and less rumination.

1. Do an easy brain dump of all your tasks, every day or so.
Set a timer for 5 mins and fill a sheet of paper with all the things you're thinking of.
- Don't write single nouns like "garage". Each item needs to be a verb+noun like "declutter garage workbench"
- No giant tasks like "Budget". Each item should be a single step that takes less than 30 mins, like "Email Nick to clarify the budget dates" or "Input the 10 main items into the budget".
- Try to separate the tasks into single items. Certainly not "dentist" and not even "Put dentist in calendar" but rather, "Find dentist phone number" and "Call dentist to book annual cleaning" as two separate items.

2. Then make one of those Quadrants that divides things into Urgent and Important. Go back down through your brain dump and put different projects into that matrix.

3. Then make tomorrow's to-do list (again all tasks should take less than 30 mins, and be VERB+NOUN.) Plan the actual number of tasks you can do in a day (since each item in the list is under 30 mins, probably 10-20 tasks for tomorrow is the absolute max).
For bonus points categorize the To-do list as "Computer Tasks" "Phone Tasks" "Errands" "Housework", as seeing that laid out by location of task can help make it easier to be efficient & get momentum in each area.

4. Then tidy your desk, get it ready for tomorrow, and go do something soothing to change your brain's channel before bed.

Oh gosh I missed that you have a THREE MONTH OLD! You're doing amazing, please eat some ice cream and congrats on the baby. Holy shit you are absolutely going to have a messy mind for a few more months, so just try to lighten your sched, delegate tasks, pay for help whenever possible, and just give yourself grace!! It won't be forever, but you just can't really be fully functioning in this stage. Productivity gets WAY better once someone else is doing childcare (ie, daycare, school, scheduled recurring childcare help). Esp if you're nursing, the hormones addle us!
posted by nouvelle-personne at 11:54 AM on August 15

Real talk: I struggled with insomnia the whole time my kid was in the night waking phase, taking an hour or two to get back to sleep. The suggestions above are well meaning but I think not accounting for the adrenaline dump/hormone crash after being jolted awake by crying and possibly nursing.

This problem may well sort itself out once baby is done night waking (note: this might take a while). Seek accommodation in the workplace for a short nap if possible during the work day. You will get through this. Meanwhile, eyes closed lying down after baby goes back to bed is almost as good as sleeping. I agree with podcasts or audiobooks during that time.
posted by shock muppet at 11:55 AM on August 15 [2 favorites]

A trick that has worked surprisingly well for me to stop ruminating, including about work (because I suffer from this problem badly as well) is to visualize the person/problem/thing I'm dwelling on, mentally shove it inside a box (I vary the size, style, color etc. for fun) and visualize it being locked up and tucked away. Sometimes I imagine my entire work building going inside a giant safe and my brain stops thinking on it.
posted by Teadog at 12:28 PM on August 15 [2 favorites]

I listen to audiobook at very low volume. Something I already know the plot to works best so suspense doesn’t keep me awake. I listened to all of Sherlock Holmes and Lord of the Rings over a particularly rough period.
posted by lemonade at 1:10 PM on August 15 [1 favorite]

Here's another list (with an attempt to not repeat the great ideas above):

- Yoga nidra (there are a lot of them on YouTube)
- Writing a list of the things I don't want to forget in the morning for work
- Reminding myself when my thoughts wander to work that Tomorrow Me is smart and can figure this out/won't forget something/generally will have it together better than miserably-not-asleep me
- Listening to a comedy special I've watched 100 times. I turn the volume just low enough that I can hear it only if I concentrate. That way it's hard to have other things in my head. Since I've heard it so many times before, it becomes white noise. (People I know also do this with a TV show they've seen a lot, but that never works as well for me.)
- The "Sleep With Me" podcast, where a guy tells a story with a sort of droning voice, rambling away and not making sense. Trying to focus on it keeps my brain busy.
- If I'm ruminating about a single situation or event, I write down that single thing on a sheet of paper. Then I put the paper in another room. When I think about The Thing again instead of sleeping, I remind myself that The Thing isn't in the room with me, it's elsewhere.
- Imagine a ball pit. Then imagine slowly emptying it one ball at a time.
posted by violetish at 1:10 PM on August 15

I turn the light really, really low and do logic puzzles until I can't keep my eyes open. They are simple enough they don't take much thought because they require using an algorithm, and complicated enough they don't allow me to have other, unrestrained thoughts. It's a bonus when I get too sleepy and mess one up, because I get to start it over again from the beginning, so it's doubles the amount of time I get to spend on it, placidly searching for a place a six can go.
posted by Jane the Brown at 1:12 PM on August 15 [1 favorite]

There are a few (mostly free) "eyes closed" solo RPGs intended as before-bed mental activities, in rough order of complexity:
- Diedream
- LMNL
- Hands-Free RPG
- Daydream Universal

(I seem to remember the older version of Daydream Universal had a more involved random number generator. Looking for it again, I found it described in the first few paragraphs here. If occasionally breaking up your story with some multiplication sounds fun, it'll work with most of the above games.)
posted by Anonymous Function at 3:57 PM on August 15 [2 favorites]

I listen to podcasts, a lot. Especially as I'm going to bed. I've recently realized that if I listen to the content as if i were to transcribe it word for word, basically repeating the words in my head as I would type them, it knocks me right out. It's hard to pay that close of attention to something, it tires my brain right out and leaves zero space to think about anything else. And because i'm already in a nice warm cozy environment (aka my bed) i just fall asleep. Remember to put a sleep timer on your podcast player, and/or make sure it isn't set to continuously play one episode after another!
posted by cgg at 4:46 PM on August 15 [1 favorite]

I had a great doctor that advised me to have a slice of dry toast to balance out my stomach acid if I woke up in the middle of the night. It's been very effective for me. Gentle stretches and deep breaths help me relax and lower my heart rate to encourage returning to sleep.
posted by effluvia at 7:10 PM on August 15

I imagine all of the work thoughts in my head to be a white glowing pearlescent fluid that slowly drains down to the base of my skull and then I imagine using a vacuum cleaner to suck them all out... uh, you asked for out-of-the-box! But somehow this very detailed imagery helps.

Also, in the morning, I try to think back on whatever work thing was torturing me in my semi-conscious state, and very often it was a made up problem, like some kind of fever dream. I think this is similar to what LKWorking mentioned; I am slowly working on convincing myself that my half-asleep self is not allowed to strategize about work because it's bad at it, like a toddler driving an 18-wheeler, just not the responsible thing to do.
posted by catcafe at 9:17 PM on August 15

I do something along the lines of cognitive shuffling to keep myself from ruminating when I would prefer to be sleeping. Mental word games, basically. My go-to is to pick two four-letter words and transform one into the other: OPEN, OVEN, EVEN, EVER, EWER, EWES, AWES, AWED, APED, SPED, SHED, SHOD, SHOT, SHUT. Takes enough concentration to keep my mind from straying, but not so much as to keep me awake.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 3:33 AM on August 16