How to not let homework take over our lives this year?
August 5, 2024 3:43 AM Subscribe
My kids is (mostly) excited about starting high school in a few weeks. She does well in school, but she’s dreading another year of the homework load. And so am I.
For the last two school years, it’s been pretty typical for my kid to be up way past her bedtime doing her homework. Even projects that she was initially excited about became drudgery. She is tired of feeling like she doesn’t have any time to herself. I’m tired of being the go-do-your-homework person. The whole family is tired of homework eating up time we could be spending together. All of us—kid included—want her to have a strong academic year, but the thought of four more years of having our lives upended by homework sounds awful. How can we do this better this year?
For the last two school years, it’s been pretty typical for my kid to be up way past her bedtime doing her homework. Even projects that she was initially excited about became drudgery. She is tired of feeling like she doesn’t have any time to herself. I’m tired of being the go-do-your-homework person. The whole family is tired of homework eating up time we could be spending together. All of us—kid included—want her to have a strong academic year, but the thought of four more years of having our lives upended by homework sounds awful. How can we do this better this year?
Is the issue that there's too much homework, like 2-3 hours a night, or is this an organizational/procrastination problem?
posted by JoeZydeco at 4:53 AM on August 5 [10 favorites]
posted by JoeZydeco at 4:53 AM on August 5 [10 favorites]
I"m not sure I'd recommend this, but Larry David Syndrome jr. has been strategic about choosing which courses to do homework assignments for. If homework doesn't make up a large portion of the overall grade and the student has enough mastery of the material to do well on the tests just skip or half-ass some of it.
posted by Larry David Syndrome at 5:08 AM on August 5 [7 favorites]
posted by Larry David Syndrome at 5:08 AM on August 5 [7 favorites]
At the open house, ask each teacher how much time they expect students to be spending on homework each week. If she is spending a lot more than that on a given subject, explore why: is she too much of a perfectionist, is she a slow reader (and why?), is the teacher assigning too much, etc. Then address it as needed. (If she has six classes and every teacher says she should be spending 10 hours a week on homework, schedule a meeting with the principal.)
posted by metasarah at 5:23 AM on August 5 [54 favorites]
posted by metasarah at 5:23 AM on August 5 [54 favorites]
Ultimately homework is 50 percent the actual work and 50 percent accurately assessing it's importance and putting in that much effort accordingly.
Something not going to be graded that's mostly busy work? Don't do it unless your child has a very specific need for it. Something that is a teeny part of the grade but needs to have something done, do it as quickly a possible, make mistakes. A reading that will be talked about for 5 minutes in class skip it. The things that count and are due spend lots of time on it.
As someone who took that approach to homework I was much less overwhelmed and spent way less time than my peers doing homework for about the same grades. I wasn't particularly invested in my GPA though, but I got A and Bs and it was fine.
But you must be able to accurately assess what is important to do that. If you're kids can't do that, then it won't work.
posted by AlexiaSky at 5:28 AM on August 5 [6 favorites]
Something not going to be graded that's mostly busy work? Don't do it unless your child has a very specific need for it. Something that is a teeny part of the grade but needs to have something done, do it as quickly a possible, make mistakes. A reading that will be talked about for 5 minutes in class skip it. The things that count and are due spend lots of time on it.
As someone who took that approach to homework I was much less overwhelmed and spent way less time than my peers doing homework for about the same grades. I wasn't particularly invested in my GPA though, but I got A and Bs and it was fine.
But you must be able to accurately assess what is important to do that. If you're kids can't do that, then it won't work.
posted by AlexiaSky at 5:28 AM on August 5 [6 favorites]
As people have suggested, part of this is better understanding what different homework assignments are for - if there is a parent-teacher night, you might ask then. Perhaps the history teacher will assign a textbook that mostly repeats their lectures, and the goal of the textbook is to cement the info in their brains - if so, probably fine to skim. Maybe in math the homework is mostly about getting the students to practice solving problems, but not weighted heavily in terms of the final grade - so your kid should just do their best in what time they have but not stress over it. But if for English class she has to write an essay on a novel, she should read the whole novel.
Does your kid get a solid break after school? And what is her relationship to technology/social media? Procrastinating isn't good obviously, but brains need a rest occasionally - the trick is that this shouldn't involve scrolling - lot's of research suggests a fast stream of new information does the opposite of refreshing the brain and makes future focus hard to obtain. Something active is best for future focus - and since you wish you could spend more time together, could you build in a habit of an after school walk or bike ride or home-yoga session together?
posted by coffeecat at 5:50 AM on August 5 [1 favorite]
Does your kid get a solid break after school? And what is her relationship to technology/social media? Procrastinating isn't good obviously, but brains need a rest occasionally - the trick is that this shouldn't involve scrolling - lot's of research suggests a fast stream of new information does the opposite of refreshing the brain and makes future focus hard to obtain. Something active is best for future focus - and since you wish you could spend more time together, could you build in a habit of an after school walk or bike ride or home-yoga session together?
posted by coffeecat at 5:50 AM on August 5 [1 favorite]
I agree it's really important to assess why homework is taking so long - is it the quantity (e.g. homework from several different classes, all due on the same day), your child is not allocating time effectively when doing homework, or perhaps lacks the skills to do the homework and needs tutoring, etc.
(I am not saying your child is doing this, but I admit when I was in high school I spent a fair amount of time goofing off in my room "doing homework." Then I'd check the time and stay up late finishing up homework that was due the next school day.)
posted by needled at 5:54 AM on August 5 [3 favorites]
(I am not saying your child is doing this, but I admit when I was in high school I spent a fair amount of time goofing off in my room "doing homework." Then I'd check the time and stay up late finishing up homework that was due the next school day.)
posted by needled at 5:54 AM on August 5 [3 favorites]
it’s been pretty typical for my kid to be up way past her bedtime doing her homework.
She is tired of feeling like she doesn’t have any time to herself.
The whole family is tired of homework eating up time we could be spending together.
What is her bedtime? How much actual time is she spending doing homework (versus spending time on her phone and so on)? Is she slacking off some days and then having to make up the shortfall on other days?
Does she have study periods at school and does she use them to do homework, or socialize? (Both perfectly legit - most people need breaks - but it's easy to not appreciate socializing time as "time to herself", or understand that it comes at the expense of later "time to herself" if she doesn't see it that way.)
What are your family and kid's expectations about how much non-homework or family time there should be on weekday evenings and during the weekend?
It's likely the case that she has too much homework (or a moderate amount but it takes her too long) - but it might also be the case that everyone's expectations may be a little off for what's considered standard.
I’m tired of being the go-do-your-homework person.
What does this mean? Does your kid need to be nagged and reminded to do homework? Or is she asking you for help?
Anyway, one approach that could help with some issues is for her to try doing her homework at, like, the kitchen table instead of a less central location. She can be less isolated from family while she does it (and maybe you and the others can be taking care of your own chores or work stuff nearby), you can lay off any "have you done your homework yet?" stuff, she can (hopefully) focus more fully on crossing off homework instead of multitasking it while chatting with friends and browsing. Which hopefully would let her finish faster and have more time to herself. Though if your family tends to keep the TV on or otherwise create a lot of disruptions, you'd need to change that.
Regarding homework in general: it's supposed to be for helping her learn, reinforcing her knowledge, getting her to actively use what she's learned instead of just absorbing it passively, forcing her to digest knowledge and think for herself. Sometimes (foreign languages, math) it's for the equivalent of muscle memory - like a piano student doing scales or an athlete practicing the same move a million times.
A lot of homework does these things. A lot of homework doesn't. Deciding which homework is worth doing is not just about whether it gets graded or not, but also about whether and how much it actually helps her learn.
(I skipped a lot of homework in high school and still got good grades, but in some subjects the result was that I remembered basically nothing after the exam or course was over or that my understanding was pretty shallow. Which is kind of a waste and sometimes it was an issue. For example I did great in high school math because it came intuitively to me, but never actually building a habit of working through a lot of problems and never really internalizing all sorts of patterns that practice would have ingrained meant that college math was a different story once basic intuition wasn't enough.)
posted by trig at 5:56 AM on August 5 [2 favorites]
She is tired of feeling like she doesn’t have any time to herself.
The whole family is tired of homework eating up time we could be spending together.
What is her bedtime? How much actual time is she spending doing homework (versus spending time on her phone and so on)? Is she slacking off some days and then having to make up the shortfall on other days?
Does she have study periods at school and does she use them to do homework, or socialize? (Both perfectly legit - most people need breaks - but it's easy to not appreciate socializing time as "time to herself", or understand that it comes at the expense of later "time to herself" if she doesn't see it that way.)
What are your family and kid's expectations about how much non-homework or family time there should be on weekday evenings and during the weekend?
It's likely the case that she has too much homework (or a moderate amount but it takes her too long) - but it might also be the case that everyone's expectations may be a little off for what's considered standard.
I’m tired of being the go-do-your-homework person.
What does this mean? Does your kid need to be nagged and reminded to do homework? Or is she asking you for help?
Anyway, one approach that could help with some issues is for her to try doing her homework at, like, the kitchen table instead of a less central location. She can be less isolated from family while she does it (and maybe you and the others can be taking care of your own chores or work stuff nearby), you can lay off any "have you done your homework yet?" stuff, she can (hopefully) focus more fully on crossing off homework instead of multitasking it while chatting with friends and browsing. Which hopefully would let her finish faster and have more time to herself. Though if your family tends to keep the TV on or otherwise create a lot of disruptions, you'd need to change that.
Regarding homework in general: it's supposed to be for helping her learn, reinforcing her knowledge, getting her to actively use what she's learned instead of just absorbing it passively, forcing her to digest knowledge and think for herself. Sometimes (foreign languages, math) it's for the equivalent of muscle memory - like a piano student doing scales or an athlete practicing the same move a million times.
A lot of homework does these things. A lot of homework doesn't. Deciding which homework is worth doing is not just about whether it gets graded or not, but also about whether and how much it actually helps her learn.
(I skipped a lot of homework in high school and still got good grades, but in some subjects the result was that I remembered basically nothing after the exam or course was over or that my understanding was pretty shallow. Which is kind of a waste and sometimes it was an issue. For example I did great in high school math because it came intuitively to me, but never actually building a habit of working through a lot of problems and never really internalizing all sorts of patterns that practice would have ingrained meant that college math was a different story once basic intuition wasn't enough.)
posted by trig at 5:56 AM on August 5 [2 favorites]
I recommend that you set her up with an assigned time to do homework, that is a reasonable length - say two hours, every evening from seven until nine, but let her pick - and she isn't to do any homework outside of that time.
You really don't want her learning to let her job take over her personal life, the kind of person who answers work e-mails at one AM when she is out on her own as a working adult. Just as the job gets ignored outside of work hours, the schooling is better off ignored. If she is spending nine hours a day on academics she is spending enough time. Eight would be better, given that she is a teen and needs plenty of sleep and time to develop additional skills and interests. More than that should be out of the question.
She will likely need and possibly want some guidance on what work to do during that scheduled work period, because from the sound of it she can't do all of it.
But I really think that if she can't get her schoolwork done in forty-five hours a week, the school is at fault.
I'd also look at changing around the time slot when she does homework. The obvious time may be the evening which is perhaps also the only time she can have an online social life, so she may be too distracted, or resentful to be getting it done. Another issue could be that homework is happening when she is already too tired at the end of a long day, so it drags on forever because she is working badly, from fatigue. If one hour of homework turns into four so every night from eight until midnight she is dragging through it, she might do much better if she got the evening off, but got up at six AM and did an hour of homework before school, or if she did the bulk of her homework on the weekend getting up as early as nine AM to do it before any of her friends emerge from their beds.
Another thing you could try is getting her a tutor - she does her homework under the tutor's supervision, and outside of when she is with the tutor, she doesn't do homework at all. If you are being the homework nag, you might all be a lot better off if you paid someone else to take that job. If it were working to have you in the role, you wouldn't be asking this question. If both of you are dreading it, you might want to outsource the task. If she is taking a long time because of comprehension issues the tutor could figure out her weak points and bring her up to speed so she's not spending more time than her peers are.
You might find that homework goes better out of the house - having her spend a session at the library might make her focus better than working at home.
Of course it is her homework and her life, so she needs to have a lot of say in what she does and how she solves the problem. If you have to solve this problem for her and she drags along with your solution listlessly semi-complying, the issue is likely to be that she is not motivated to do the homework and she needs to figure out how to take ownership of the situation, and escape the mountain of homework by making whatever decisions she feels best, and getting you on board with them. The more you have to nag and remind, the slower she may be going, and the situation may be escalating.
And finally, the junior high school she has been attending might be assigning far too much homework - but the high school that she is about to attend might have better perspective. Even though the workload is supposed to be higher in high school, it's possible that it's going to drop in the higher grade, because the real source of the problem has been two of her junior high school teachers both assigning unreasonable amounts of homework.
posted by Jane the Brown at 6:24 AM on August 5 [1 favorite]
You really don't want her learning to let her job take over her personal life, the kind of person who answers work e-mails at one AM when she is out on her own as a working adult. Just as the job gets ignored outside of work hours, the schooling is better off ignored. If she is spending nine hours a day on academics she is spending enough time. Eight would be better, given that she is a teen and needs plenty of sleep and time to develop additional skills and interests. More than that should be out of the question.
She will likely need and possibly want some guidance on what work to do during that scheduled work period, because from the sound of it she can't do all of it.
But I really think that if she can't get her schoolwork done in forty-five hours a week, the school is at fault.
I'd also look at changing around the time slot when she does homework. The obvious time may be the evening which is perhaps also the only time she can have an online social life, so she may be too distracted, or resentful to be getting it done. Another issue could be that homework is happening when she is already too tired at the end of a long day, so it drags on forever because she is working badly, from fatigue. If one hour of homework turns into four so every night from eight until midnight she is dragging through it, she might do much better if she got the evening off, but got up at six AM and did an hour of homework before school, or if she did the bulk of her homework on the weekend getting up as early as nine AM to do it before any of her friends emerge from their beds.
Another thing you could try is getting her a tutor - she does her homework under the tutor's supervision, and outside of when she is with the tutor, she doesn't do homework at all. If you are being the homework nag, you might all be a lot better off if you paid someone else to take that job. If it were working to have you in the role, you wouldn't be asking this question. If both of you are dreading it, you might want to outsource the task. If she is taking a long time because of comprehension issues the tutor could figure out her weak points and bring her up to speed so she's not spending more time than her peers are.
You might find that homework goes better out of the house - having her spend a session at the library might make her focus better than working at home.
Of course it is her homework and her life, so she needs to have a lot of say in what she does and how she solves the problem. If you have to solve this problem for her and she drags along with your solution listlessly semi-complying, the issue is likely to be that she is not motivated to do the homework and she needs to figure out how to take ownership of the situation, and escape the mountain of homework by making whatever decisions she feels best, and getting you on board with them. The more you have to nag and remind, the slower she may be going, and the situation may be escalating.
And finally, the junior high school she has been attending might be assigning far too much homework - but the high school that she is about to attend might have better perspective. Even though the workload is supposed to be higher in high school, it's possible that it's going to drop in the higher grade, because the real source of the problem has been two of her junior high school teachers both assigning unreasonable amounts of homework.
posted by Jane the Brown at 6:24 AM on August 5 [1 favorite]
In addition to above suggestions to confirm how much homework is expected, study habits, and strategic decisions, consider taking a hard look at the schedule for these reasons:
1. Study halls can make a huge difference, almost an extra hour a day to do homework and study in school
2. Class choice - all honors classes May be way more homework (honors English may read 8 books, academic English 2)
3. Class choice reverse scenario - academic ("easier") classes may actually have more homework/busywork (ap English may have reading and large papers, honors english may have busywork nightly homework and "fun" time-consuming projects)
4. Different teachers for the same class may give wildly different homework
5. A low B may be little homework time, a low A much more, a high A much much more
6. For your student, is the math homework easy and the English paper a ridiculous chore? Or vice versa? Let this inform class choice.
7. If one class is overwhelmingly time-consuming, consider a tutor even if just in the short term to help.
Practically speaking, this means:
1. Meet with the guidance counselor before school starts and reassess the schedule
2. The first week of school, reassess again though much harder to change now
3. Talk to parents, other students who you or your student know their study habits / grades to get the inside story on classes, teachers, homework
Lastly, first year in high school workload can be considerably different than 8th grade, usually this is more work but dependent on your student and school, perhaps the work is more studying and less busy homework which, depending on your student, may less overall time.
posted by RoadScholar at 6:30 AM on August 5 [1 favorite]
1. Study halls can make a huge difference, almost an extra hour a day to do homework and study in school
2. Class choice - all honors classes May be way more homework (honors English may read 8 books, academic English 2)
3. Class choice reverse scenario - academic ("easier") classes may actually have more homework/busywork (ap English may have reading and large papers, honors english may have busywork nightly homework and "fun" time-consuming projects)
4. Different teachers for the same class may give wildly different homework
5. A low B may be little homework time, a low A much more, a high A much much more
6. For your student, is the math homework easy and the English paper a ridiculous chore? Or vice versa? Let this inform class choice.
7. If one class is overwhelmingly time-consuming, consider a tutor even if just in the short term to help.
Practically speaking, this means:
1. Meet with the guidance counselor before school starts and reassess the schedule
2. The first week of school, reassess again though much harder to change now
3. Talk to parents, other students who you or your student know their study habits / grades to get the inside story on classes, teachers, homework
Lastly, first year in high school workload can be considerably different than 8th grade, usually this is more work but dependent on your student and school, perhaps the work is more studying and less busy homework which, depending on your student, may less overall time.
posted by RoadScholar at 6:30 AM on August 5 [1 favorite]
Study hall, and if the lunch period is long enough, a little time in the library, are two times you can move homework time to - depending on the class schedule, you can get some of tonight's assignments done early, or some of yesterday's assignments done in time for today's class. You have to give up a little visiting, and leaving campus for lunch, but it helps even the load. I also recommend starting homework as soon as school is over or as soon as she is home, whichever works with the idea that "the sooner it's done, the sooner I have time for fun stuff".
These all worked very well for me when I was in high school. Fred and Barney didn't adopt those techniques, and they ended up working at a rock quarry!
Nth the idea of communications with the school and teachers also - if the amount of assigned homework exceeds the available time, something needs to be adjusted.
posted by TimHare at 6:42 AM on August 5
These all worked very well for me when I was in high school. Fred and Barney didn't adopt those techniques, and they ended up working at a rock quarry!
Nth the idea of communications with the school and teachers also - if the amount of assigned homework exceeds the available time, something needs to be adjusted.
posted by TimHare at 6:42 AM on August 5
Study hall, and if the lunch period is long enough, a little time in the library
Add to this the time between school being over and extracurricular meetings/sports practice, or traveling to away games. And downtime in class itself.
I was valedictorian, took AP courses, and the only work that ever came home with me was essays/long term projects/studying. (Or things that required being typed, I am dating myself, but I'd pre draft it by hand, at school.) Everything else stayed at school.
This was primarily motivated by a burning desire to never have to carry a heavy textbook for more than 5 minutes at a time. But as I've gotten older I've also realized I have a very deep and fundamental brain divide between work time and personal time. Work stays at work just like school stayed at school.
If I ever faced a situation where I didn't finish my homework at school, I big time half assed it. Homework really doesn't (or shouldn't, triple check the teacher's grading rubric) matter that much.
posted by phunniemee at 7:10 AM on August 5 [1 favorite]
Add to this the time between school being over and extracurricular meetings/sports practice, or traveling to away games. And downtime in class itself.
I was valedictorian, took AP courses, and the only work that ever came home with me was essays/long term projects/studying. (Or things that required being typed, I am dating myself, but I'd pre draft it by hand, at school.) Everything else stayed at school.
This was primarily motivated by a burning desire to never have to carry a heavy textbook for more than 5 minutes at a time. But as I've gotten older I've also realized I have a very deep and fundamental brain divide between work time and personal time. Work stays at work just like school stayed at school.
If I ever faced a situation where I didn't finish my homework at school, I big time half assed it. Homework really doesn't (or shouldn't, triple check the teacher's grading rubric) matter that much.
posted by phunniemee at 7:10 AM on August 5 [1 favorite]
Is the issue that there's too much homework, like 2-3 hours a night, or is this an organizational/procrastination problem?
Seconding this because it sounded like me. Like phunniemee, I was also taking AP courses - but like your child, I also hated how homework would cut into my "downtime". In most cases, the actual work wasn't ornerous - I just didn't want to do it. And I was a good enough student that I could half-ass it quickly, so if I did put it off until the last minute I still could get it done. And so that's the bad habit I learned - put it off, procrastinate and fret about it, and then do it in a rush in the last minute.
If it is a procrastination problem, please encourage your child to take care of it sooner rather than later. This has been a bad habit that's taken me years to unlearn. The good news is that it is possible to unlearn it - someone whose opinion I respected once said that "the best time to do some things is right away", and that's what finally made me think "Huh" and get better about tackling projects instead of putting them off. If procrastination is what's part of this, taking care of it now will save her later.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:16 AM on August 5 [4 favorites]
Seconding this because it sounded like me. Like phunniemee, I was also taking AP courses - but like your child, I also hated how homework would cut into my "downtime". In most cases, the actual work wasn't ornerous - I just didn't want to do it. And I was a good enough student that I could half-ass it quickly, so if I did put it off until the last minute I still could get it done. And so that's the bad habit I learned - put it off, procrastinate and fret about it, and then do it in a rush in the last minute.
If it is a procrastination problem, please encourage your child to take care of it sooner rather than later. This has been a bad habit that's taken me years to unlearn. The good news is that it is possible to unlearn it - someone whose opinion I respected once said that "the best time to do some things is right away", and that's what finally made me think "Huh" and get better about tackling projects instead of putting them off. If procrastination is what's part of this, taking care of it now will save her later.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:16 AM on August 5 [4 favorites]
Does your kid know how to study / do homework? Does she know how to avoid distractions? IME it is assumed that these skills can be taught by pushing students off cliffs… until they learn how to fly. But students are not baby birds, and generally do not intuitively know how to fly.
I would suggest getting your daughter Cal Newport’s book How to be a High School Super Star. Have both of you read it.
I think now is the time to let your daughter know your family’s plan to pay for college. Does she need to earn a major scholarship to go to college out of state, for example?
In other words, I think it’s time to assign your daughter’s grades / home working time into her responsibility and her job. What sort of criteria does she need to make to avoid parental imposed consequences? Let her know that grades aren’t everything, but the better her grades the more options she will have in the future (for college, etc.)…. Hence the college finances discussion. Are there any family rewards for doing “well”?
As a parent, ask your daughter about her game plan for the school year. Ask her if she needs or wants help. Maybe you can agree together about time blocking study time vs family time. Maybe you can come to an agreement about phone / internet usage. Work together to figure out priorities.
Keep an eye out for any executive function, learning disabilities, academic deficits, etc. that may show up in high school.
Depending on the personalities in question, and household resources, it can be helpful to have these study skills lessons come from a tutor (or more senior high school / college student) and not a parent. If needed, encourage your daughter to seek out other tutoring resources (say at the local library).
In other words, now that your daughter is in high school the role of the parent needs to change. You need to gradually reduce parental support so that your daughter is prepared to enter college independently.
posted by oceano at 7:26 AM on August 5 [3 favorites]
I would suggest getting your daughter Cal Newport’s book How to be a High School Super Star. Have both of you read it.
I think now is the time to let your daughter know your family’s plan to pay for college. Does she need to earn a major scholarship to go to college out of state, for example?
In other words, I think it’s time to assign your daughter’s grades / home working time into her responsibility and her job. What sort of criteria does she need to make to avoid parental imposed consequences? Let her know that grades aren’t everything, but the better her grades the more options she will have in the future (for college, etc.)…. Hence the college finances discussion. Are there any family rewards for doing “well”?
As a parent, ask your daughter about her game plan for the school year. Ask her if she needs or wants help. Maybe you can agree together about time blocking study time vs family time. Maybe you can come to an agreement about phone / internet usage. Work together to figure out priorities.
Keep an eye out for any executive function, learning disabilities, academic deficits, etc. that may show up in high school.
Depending on the personalities in question, and household resources, it can be helpful to have these study skills lessons come from a tutor (or more senior high school / college student) and not a parent. If needed, encourage your daughter to seek out other tutoring resources (say at the local library).
In other words, now that your daughter is in high school the role of the parent needs to change. You need to gradually reduce parental support so that your daughter is prepared to enter college independently.
posted by oceano at 7:26 AM on August 5 [3 favorites]
Two things to observe that are often different for students today than in the past:
First, phones really do have a deleterious effect on attention. Even if she’s not actively on her phone while doing homework, if it’s near her the dings and buzzes of alerts may be preventing her from concentrating effectively. If this is the case, she won’t realize what’s going on; so many students (I did) think they “work better” when multitasking that they never experience what being truly focused is like.
2. Many teachers offer in class work time to start homework. Some because this is an effective way to help student and give less homework, some because they don’t want to lesson plan. However, the social world these days means school is the ONLY place where students see each other face to face — so many understandably prioritize social interaction during class work time instead, then really struggle at home.
One thing I’ve discovered with myself and by watching others is that my brain is least effective at the end of the day. Especially if I’ve been concentrating (not doing issues 1 and 2), I simply work more slowly because I’m tired. Many students believe the way to do homework is “sit down, don’t move til it’s all finished.” Which actually can slow them down even more because they’re already exhausted and there’s nothing but awfulness ahead. Pomodoro techniques can help! Have her put her phone on do not disturb and set a time for 25 minutes (or less if she needs to work up to it). Only work in that time, literally nothing else. Then, timer for a 5 minute break. Anything but work, yay downtime! Repeat. After 4 cycles/2 hours, she gets a full half hour break.
posted by lilac girl at 7:30 AM on August 5
First, phones really do have a deleterious effect on attention. Even if she’s not actively on her phone while doing homework, if it’s near her the dings and buzzes of alerts may be preventing her from concentrating effectively. If this is the case, she won’t realize what’s going on; so many students (I did) think they “work better” when multitasking that they never experience what being truly focused is like.
2. Many teachers offer in class work time to start homework. Some because this is an effective way to help student and give less homework, some because they don’t want to lesson plan. However, the social world these days means school is the ONLY place where students see each other face to face — so many understandably prioritize social interaction during class work time instead, then really struggle at home.
One thing I’ve discovered with myself and by watching others is that my brain is least effective at the end of the day. Especially if I’ve been concentrating (not doing issues 1 and 2), I simply work more slowly because I’m tired. Many students believe the way to do homework is “sit down, don’t move til it’s all finished.” Which actually can slow them down even more because they’re already exhausted and there’s nothing but awfulness ahead. Pomodoro techniques can help! Have her put her phone on do not disturb and set a time for 25 minutes (or less if she needs to work up to it). Only work in that time, literally nothing else. Then, timer for a 5 minute break. Anything but work, yay downtime! Repeat. After 4 cycles/2 hours, she gets a full half hour break.
posted by lilac girl at 7:30 AM on August 5
For us, it was a matter of understanding how the amount of time needed to complete an assignment varied not just by subject or time of day attempted, but by how those two factors interacted.
At 3 pm, a math assignment might take 45 minutes and a science worksheet might take 15. The same math assignment might take two hours after dinner, while the science worksheet was still a 15 minute task.
Learning to use the most productive times for the most time/effort-volatile subjects/assignments made a huge difference.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:49 AM on August 5 [2 favorites]
At 3 pm, a math assignment might take 45 minutes and a science worksheet might take 15. The same math assignment might take two hours after dinner, while the science worksheet was still a 15 minute task.
Learning to use the most productive times for the most time/effort-volatile subjects/assignments made a huge difference.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 7:49 AM on August 5 [2 favorites]
Many teachers offer a Google Classroom or similar, with a calendar of assignments. Make sure your child uses these.
Time management is tough for many teens, and high school is a big jump in personal responsibility. Taking advantage of these pre-made calendars offers a zero-effort framework for organizing their upcoming assignments, tests, and other activities.
Our fourth kid is in high school right now, and I work at a college. I am amazed how many kids just leave the calendar/syllabus just....sitting there, unused! I mean, they tell you on Day One of the term what you have to do, when. IT'S RIGHT THERE.
*ahem* Anyway: calendars, use them -- especially if you can subscribe to them on a shared family calendar -- less for helicopter parenting and more to show how all the schoolwork fits together in one place (since that Classroom calendars are separate), alongside Family Stuff.
posted by wenestvedt at 7:59 AM on August 5 [2 favorites]
Time management is tough for many teens, and high school is a big jump in personal responsibility. Taking advantage of these pre-made calendars offers a zero-effort framework for organizing their upcoming assignments, tests, and other activities.
Our fourth kid is in high school right now, and I work at a college. I am amazed how many kids just leave the calendar/syllabus just....sitting there, unused! I mean, they tell you on Day One of the term what you have to do, when. IT'S RIGHT THERE.
*ahem* Anyway: calendars, use them -- especially if you can subscribe to them on a shared family calendar -- less for helicopter parenting and more to show how all the schoolwork fits together in one place (since that Classroom calendars are separate), alongside Family Stuff.
posted by wenestvedt at 7:59 AM on August 5 [2 favorites]
By the way, phones and other entertainment can sap attention, but attention deficit issues might also be a factor. I have ADHD but was never diagnosed in school and nobody ever suggested it might be a good problem because I was a good student and did do homework (until high school, anyway) and wasn't hyper. But it would take me a very long time every day to be able to work up enough focus to actually get started - I could easily spend hours staring at a 15-minute assignment instead of doing it. And even if/when I did get started it wasn't necessarily enough momentum to keep me going, especially when moving to a different subject.
Fatigue of all kinds can also make a difference. I was able to use study periods and lunches to do homework sometimes, but often not - sometimes because of attention issues but also because I was exhausted because of not enough sleep (I would stay up super late reading among other things) plus being an introverted ND-of-some-type in a big school environment.
So really, if she finds she's spending more than 2-3 hours daily on homework and other studying in 9th grade, that's worth looking into. And it's worth talking with classmates (her) and their parents (you) to see how much time other kids are spending on the same stuff. There'll be a lot of variance because not everybody does all the work or does it well, but ask enough people and you'll get a picture (probably more accurate than a teacher's estimate of how long work should take).
posted by trig at 8:16 AM on August 5 [4 favorites]
Fatigue of all kinds can also make a difference. I was able to use study periods and lunches to do homework sometimes, but often not - sometimes because of attention issues but also because I was exhausted because of not enough sleep (I would stay up super late reading among other things) plus being an introverted ND-of-some-type in a big school environment.
So really, if she finds she's spending more than 2-3 hours daily on homework and other studying in 9th grade, that's worth looking into. And it's worth talking with classmates (her) and their parents (you) to see how much time other kids are spending on the same stuff. There'll be a lot of variance because not everybody does all the work or does it well, but ask enough people and you'll get a picture (probably more accurate than a teacher's estimate of how long work should take).
posted by trig at 8:16 AM on August 5 [4 favorites]
Plenty of tactical advice above. Strategically though, doing home-work won't make you kinder, or 'successful'. When we moved country for the last time, our boy was 14 and changing school for the 6th time. He asked a pal from childhood about homework and was told that 3 hours a night 5-6 nights a week was standard. That never happened in our gaff: our chap maxed out at 75 mins with a following wind (and never asked his folks for help). 30 years on, both boys are successful engineers but one is ever so slightly boring.
posted by BobTheScientist at 8:23 AM on August 5
posted by BobTheScientist at 8:23 AM on August 5
I am a high school math and science teacher based in Canada, and I know that international attitudes about homework differ, so take my advice with a grain of salt
In my experience, students have often* found that high school class and homework are a bit different than middle school class and homework. As students' focus and attention continue to grow, less "busy work" gets assigned and homework becomes more purposeful. I try to develop a set of practice work for each class that allows my students to hone their skills in the concepts we learned that day. Ideally, the focused students get it all or almost all done (and checked) in class.
Some students rush through, and I redirect back to the task to reflect on why I chose the specific questions to build their skills. Sometimes a light goes on in their eyes as they realise the connection between the practice work and the skills they need to develop to independently understand the academic discipline we are studying. It's never that I need a completed worksheet.
The asterix above is for Grade 9 math. Most of my students find it a bit of a jump up from middle school math, but manageable (some of this might be specific to my geographic region for boring, pedagogy reasons). I guide some students who work more slowly to do every other question. This way they get to try even the most complex iteration of the skills, but without the repetition they might have to hustle harder in Grade 10 (but they will be that much more mature) or if they need to review for a final exam (because they'll have to relearn some of the skills). I check, but don't grade, homework. The skills are tested on quizzes and tests. Whether the homework is done or not just lets me know more about how that student doing in their learning, time management, and maybe hints at processing speed differences.
I do have colleagues that assign large math homework loads, and check it, and use it as a significant portion of their grades. So there is a spectrum of ideas about homework from the teacher side. I encourage my students to have a conversation with their other teachers to help them prioritize what homework gets done, openly, if I know the recipient teacher to be open-minded and growth mindset oriented. I understand that some places require homework be assigned, and your kid's teachers may not have the option reduce homework loads.
I have a reward system for keeping phones at the side of the class, rather than at your desk in class and my senior students were STUNNED at how much more work they got done when their phones were away from them. I had a number of students set up "phone accountability" support groups outside of class, because they realized the benefits of focused work without their phones nearby.
All that context to say this:
1) hopefully in your area, teachers move towards a coaching rather than managing role in high school and homework is less overwhelming and/or tediously inconsequential.
2) set a homework time each night (with no phone or social media) working both on the next day's assignment and chipping away at future projects.
3) mindfully choose what gets done so that your student gets the most benefit for their learning or grade.
4) have your student ask their teachers about the expected time for homework. I've identified kids who had processing speed differences because of significant gaps between their time and the rest of the class.
Good to your rising high schooler!
posted by Sauter Vaguely at 9:05 AM on August 5 [5 favorites]
In my experience, students have often* found that high school class and homework are a bit different than middle school class and homework. As students' focus and attention continue to grow, less "busy work" gets assigned and homework becomes more purposeful. I try to develop a set of practice work for each class that allows my students to hone their skills in the concepts we learned that day. Ideally, the focused students get it all or almost all done (and checked) in class.
Some students rush through, and I redirect back to the task to reflect on why I chose the specific questions to build their skills. Sometimes a light goes on in their eyes as they realise the connection between the practice work and the skills they need to develop to independently understand the academic discipline we are studying. It's never that I need a completed worksheet.
The asterix above is for Grade 9 math. Most of my students find it a bit of a jump up from middle school math, but manageable (some of this might be specific to my geographic region for boring, pedagogy reasons). I guide some students who work more slowly to do every other question. This way they get to try even the most complex iteration of the skills, but without the repetition they might have to hustle harder in Grade 10 (but they will be that much more mature) or if they need to review for a final exam (because they'll have to relearn some of the skills). I check, but don't grade, homework. The skills are tested on quizzes and tests. Whether the homework is done or not just lets me know more about how that student doing in their learning, time management, and maybe hints at processing speed differences.
I do have colleagues that assign large math homework loads, and check it, and use it as a significant portion of their grades. So there is a spectrum of ideas about homework from the teacher side. I encourage my students to have a conversation with their other teachers to help them prioritize what homework gets done, openly, if I know the recipient teacher to be open-minded and growth mindset oriented. I understand that some places require homework be assigned, and your kid's teachers may not have the option reduce homework loads.
I have a reward system for keeping phones at the side of the class, rather than at your desk in class and my senior students were STUNNED at how much more work they got done when their phones were away from them. I had a number of students set up "phone accountability" support groups outside of class, because they realized the benefits of focused work without their phones nearby.
All that context to say this:
1) hopefully in your area, teachers move towards a coaching rather than managing role in high school and homework is less overwhelming and/or tediously inconsequential.
2) set a homework time each night (with no phone or social media) working both on the next day's assignment and chipping away at future projects.
3) mindfully choose what gets done so that your student gets the most benefit for their learning or grade.
4) have your student ask their teachers about the expected time for homework. I've identified kids who had processing speed differences because of significant gaps between their time and the rest of the class.
Good to your rising high schooler!
posted by Sauter Vaguely at 9:05 AM on August 5 [5 favorites]
Unfortunately, this is really high-school dependent. For some schools, hours of homework is like a badge of honor. For others, it's a sign of failure. There are also usually three layers of culture impacting that: school culture, teacher culture, and student culture. Homework importance also, very often, varies by teacher. This was the hardest thing for my kids when they entered high school. No longer was there a school policy smoothing everything out. Nope. Some teachers expected an hour of homework a night. And if you have three of those teachers a day, and you have extracurriculars or sports that day, well, you're gonna be up late. But other teachers wanted to see participation in class. Others wanted to see organized notes at the end of the week. Keeping that straight was a whole other level of skills.
So. I agree with others up-thread that
1) it will be helpful to figure out from the school/teacher(s) what's important. Could Kid TEA slack on homework, do well on tests, and still have a very good high school experience and options?
2) it will be good for Kid TEA to learn how to triage. I do like the notion from that book 4000 Weeks, "What am I going to choose to fail at?" It's a much healthier way of engaging with having too much to do than ... trying to do it all or making the razor-thin choices about what's more important, my English test or my History paper. "Choosing to fail" at the History paper may mean talking to the History teacher and getting a few extra days to do it.
3) figuring out good study habits is very difficult these days. I don't think I would be able to do it. Both of my kids almost *must* be on the computer to find and do their work (google classroom, arrrggghhhhh!!!!). But that means that Youtube is open on another tab for when they "have a few minutes", a podcast is on their headphones, their desktop pomodoro has little trivia facts, ad infinitum.
4) I haven't read the Cal Newport book recommended upthread, but I have read his other book How to Become a Straight A Student, and got it for both my high-schoolers because it seems very reasonable and down to earth.
posted by cocoagirl at 9:05 AM on August 5
So. I agree with others up-thread that
1) it will be helpful to figure out from the school/teacher(s) what's important. Could Kid TEA slack on homework, do well on tests, and still have a very good high school experience and options?
2) it will be good for Kid TEA to learn how to triage. I do like the notion from that book 4000 Weeks, "What am I going to choose to fail at?" It's a much healthier way of engaging with having too much to do than ... trying to do it all or making the razor-thin choices about what's more important, my English test or my History paper. "Choosing to fail" at the History paper may mean talking to the History teacher and getting a few extra days to do it.
3) figuring out good study habits is very difficult these days. I don't think I would be able to do it. Both of my kids almost *must* be on the computer to find and do their work (google classroom, arrrggghhhhh!!!!). But that means that Youtube is open on another tab for when they "have a few minutes", a podcast is on their headphones, their desktop pomodoro has little trivia facts, ad infinitum.
4) I haven't read the Cal Newport book recommended upthread, but I have read his other book How to Become a Straight A Student, and got it for both my high-schoolers because it seems very reasonable and down to earth.
posted by cocoagirl at 9:05 AM on August 5
Join the PTA, get to know the parents of your kid's classmates as much as you can, and then when a teacher assigns too much homework, join forces with a like-minded parent or two, and push back as a group. Escalate to the principal if you’re not satisfied with the response.
Very few teachers will remain obdurate under that kind of pressure.
posted by jamjam at 9:16 AM on August 5
Very few teachers will remain obdurate under that kind of pressure.
posted by jamjam at 9:16 AM on August 5
Your role as a parent is changing. Your job, as the parent of a teenager, transitions from managing the child’s life to consulting on the child’s life. There’s no need for you to be a do-your-homework person, it becomes up to the teen. Your job as jailer is over.
Also consider any messages you may be giving on university entrance, etc. You don’t need straight A’s to get into a university transfer program. Start reading up on post secondary options that aren’t high pressure universities, turning down the volume might remove some stress.
The other suggestions on prioritizing, phones, rest are good. These should be suggested if asked for help, but not pushed. I know kids are not big on napping but naps are extremely effective for performance and concentration. Recommend naps over mindlessly scrolling to chill out before homework.
posted by shock muppet at 10:22 AM on August 5 [1 favorite]
Also consider any messages you may be giving on university entrance, etc. You don’t need straight A’s to get into a university transfer program. Start reading up on post secondary options that aren’t high pressure universities, turning down the volume might remove some stress.
The other suggestions on prioritizing, phones, rest are good. These should be suggested if asked for help, but not pushed. I know kids are not big on napping but naps are extremely effective for performance and concentration. Recommend naps over mindlessly scrolling to chill out before homework.
posted by shock muppet at 10:22 AM on August 5 [1 favorite]
In most cases, the actual work wasn't ornerous - I just didn't want to do it. And I was a good enough student that I could half-ass it quickly, so if I did put it off until the last minute I still could get it done. And so that's the bad habit I learned - put it off, procrastinate and fret about it, and then do it in a rush in the last minute.
2nding that - different school system and a long time ago but I used to do that, I continued during my undergraduate and masters and I still do that with certain work tasks. I used to be able to knock out essays of up to 3.5k words in one night and get As provided I had spent time in the library to get reading because at the time that still entailed finding the hard copy journal articles and copying the useful ones…
But I also used to work as a study skills advisor, helping people figure out what part of studying was tripping them up and helping them overcome that. So beyond helping them not spend an inordinate amount of time on subjects that do not play to their strengths, the best way to help here is to help your kid figure out what the expectations for each subject are and how that might translate to how and how much homework they do.
posted by koahiatamadl at 11:20 AM on August 5 [1 favorite]
2nding that - different school system and a long time ago but I used to do that, I continued during my undergraduate and masters and I still do that with certain work tasks. I used to be able to knock out essays of up to 3.5k words in one night and get As provided I had spent time in the library to get reading because at the time that still entailed finding the hard copy journal articles and copying the useful ones…
But I also used to work as a study skills advisor, helping people figure out what part of studying was tripping them up and helping them overcome that. So beyond helping them not spend an inordinate amount of time on subjects that do not play to their strengths, the best way to help here is to help your kid figure out what the expectations for each subject are and how that might translate to how and how much homework they do.
posted by koahiatamadl at 11:20 AM on August 5 [1 favorite]
As a Childlless Cat Lady may I just say that modern homework is BULLSHIT? When I stop work at 5 or 6 p.m., I stop work. And then have dinner, read, watch some stuff, whatever. Why do we make kids spend all day at school and THEN have a bunch of work to do at home? It seems barbaric.
posted by cyndigo at 5:40 PM on August 8
posted by cyndigo at 5:40 PM on August 8
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This kind of prioritization is really hard for adults, never mind high school freshmen, so I wouldn't expect it to be immediately easier. But, if she can master it, it's a skill that will be useful for the rest of her life.
posted by mskyle at 4:17 AM on August 5 [9 favorites]