How much should I pay friend to use her address/storage?
June 28, 2024 12:49 PM Subscribe
Moving out of my place and indefinitely traveling for a bit, so my friend offered to let me store a few things and use her address. I want to send her some money, not sure how much.
I'm just keeping two bins under the guest bed and a small box in the closet, so not a whole lot of storage. I am changing all my things to her address, mostly because she offered for me to live with her when I am in town in the future, and I do want to maintain residency here. There's a guest room. The whole situation is cool for both parties. I do want to send her some money for the whole thing since she'll be taking my mail, and possibly helping me if anything urgent pops up. If I stay there in the future, I'll pay rent separately. So what feels like a fair amount in this situation? US located.
I'm just keeping two bins under the guest bed and a small box in the closet, so not a whole lot of storage. I am changing all my things to her address, mostly because she offered for me to live with her when I am in town in the future, and I do want to maintain residency here. There's a guest room. The whole situation is cool for both parties. I do want to send her some money for the whole thing since she'll be taking my mail, and possibly helping me if anything urgent pops up. If I stay there in the future, I'll pay rent separately. So what feels like a fair amount in this situation? US located.
Unless this friend is financially strapped and would benefit from cash, I would consider setting up maybe a monthly flower or consumables delivery (fun snack box? Cheese of the month?) as a thank you.
If the friend is cash strapped: I’d pay approx $60/month? Storage isn’t that expensive, you could take out a whole (tiny!) unit for that amount.
posted by samthemander at 12:56 PM on June 28 [6 favorites]
If the friend is cash strapped: I’d pay approx $60/month? Storage isn’t that expensive, you could take out a whole (tiny!) unit for that amount.
posted by samthemander at 12:56 PM on June 28 [6 favorites]
A nice gift would be the right thing. Something like a nice bottle of wine, tickets to a show, etc.
posted by dis_integration at 1:19 PM on June 28 [4 favorites]
posted by dis_integration at 1:19 PM on June 28 [4 favorites]
Were I in your place, in addition to a steady flow of postcards and a nice gift for my friend on my return, I would do my best to ensure that while I was away, my conversations with the friend holding onto my things and dealing with my mail were not solely about me, my things and my travels, and that it was evident to them that I wanted them, and not just their help, in my life.
With smartphones this might be quite simple; do you have a chat thread with them and plan to visit places that have internet or mobile service most of the time? If so, doing something like sending them a photo of a cat that looks like theirs and saying “Doesn’t this little guy I saw this morning in New Orleans look just like Mr. Fluffy? Missing you and him both. Shall we set up a call this weekend?” will go a long way to making that friend feel as valued as they do when you are nearby.
Have a wonderful trip!
posted by mdonley at 1:48 PM on June 28 [6 favorites]
With smartphones this might be quite simple; do you have a chat thread with them and plan to visit places that have internet or mobile service most of the time? If so, doing something like sending them a photo of a cat that looks like theirs and saying “Doesn’t this little guy I saw this morning in New Orleans look just like Mr. Fluffy? Missing you and him both. Shall we set up a call this weekend?” will go a long way to making that friend feel as valued as they do when you are nearby.
Have a wonderful trip!
posted by mdonley at 1:48 PM on June 28 [6 favorites]
If my friend needed this help and I were in a position to do it, I'd be happy to do so. I don't need/ want to be paid for helping my friend. If they wanted to send me a plant or take me out to dinner or something just to say 'thanks' I'd be fine with that, but friends do stuff like this for one another.
posted by mmf at 1:59 PM on June 28 [5 favorites]
posted by mmf at 1:59 PM on June 28 [5 favorites]
I agree - zero cash, but a nice gift/postcards/etc. If I offered to do a friend a small favor like this, and they tried to offer me money, I'd feel a bit weird and wonder why they didn't want to accept my offer.
posted by coffeecat at 2:45 PM on June 28 [1 favorite]
posted by coffeecat at 2:45 PM on June 28 [1 favorite]
I started doing this for one person -- storing a couple of boxes + receiving their mail. Over the last 10+ years this has escalated to me doing this for 7 people. LOL it turns out that I have a lot of folks in my life who are going through their travel/nomad/wandering/foreign period where it just makes sense for me to do this easy, easy thing for them. When the mail arrives, if it's obvious junk like a supermarket flyer, I toss it. If it's something that looks substantive, I take a photo of the outside of the envelope and text the addressee the pic. Sometimes they'll respond by saying "please toss it; I can deal with it online" or "please open it and send me a photo of the contents."
Having done this for so many people for so long, I can say that there's only one thing that annoys me: when the person doesn't respond at all. That means I have to worry about whether or not they got my text, whether the mail is important, etc. So I'd tell you that in lieu of giving your friend a gift, promptly responding whenever she lets you know you have mail would be the nice way to handle it.
posted by BlahLaLa at 3:06 PM on June 28 [11 favorites]
Having done this for so many people for so long, I can say that there's only one thing that annoys me: when the person doesn't respond at all. That means I have to worry about whether or not they got my text, whether the mail is important, etc. So I'd tell you that in lieu of giving your friend a gift, promptly responding whenever she lets you know you have mail would be the nice way to handle it.
posted by BlahLaLa at 3:06 PM on June 28 [11 favorites]
Agreed with all of the above. The item volume you describe is not "storage". That's someone being a friend. Repay by nice things and being a friend to them...
posted by Windopaene at 3:43 PM on June 28
posted by Windopaene at 3:43 PM on June 28
Opposite.
I have a friend who let some people store some stuff in the basement. They offered to pay her so she said, sure, $50/month.
Then they started complaining about the dampness and asking for better shelves. She realizes it has been a mistake to charge them money for what had essentially been a favor. It had create unfortunate economic obligations. She stopped charging them and asked them to move their stuff out.
Send postcards.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 3:53 PM on June 28 [5 favorites]
I have a friend who let some people store some stuff in the basement. They offered to pay her so she said, sure, $50/month.
Then they started complaining about the dampness and asking for better shelves. She realizes it has been a mistake to charge them money for what had essentially been a favor. It had create unfortunate economic obligations. She stopped charging them and asked them to move their stuff out.
Send postcards.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 3:53 PM on June 28 [5 favorites]
I stored stuff for a friend in the rafters of the garage for a few years. I would have refused any payment offered. But there’s no reason not to offer … but a nice gift and keeping in contact is better.
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 4:31 PM on June 28
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 4:31 PM on June 28
Well, I don't think this is insubstantial. The mail thing is a much bigger deal than the storage. About 15 years ago, I lived overseas for about two years and used my mom's address (where I had never lived) as my permanent address during this time. I still sometimes get mail there. She would occasionally open things up for us or help us track things down. I don't know what a fair rate is, but it's good that you are noting and appreciating that they are helping you out with this. I would treat to dinner when you're in town, bring a very nice gift from your travels, something like that. If they are broke, then how about a gift card to their local grocery store, like $100 or $200 each year? Something like that.
posted by bluedaisy at 4:40 PM on June 28 [1 favorite]
posted by bluedaisy at 4:40 PM on June 28 [1 favorite]
Dan Ariely, the Behavioral Economist, says we have two sets of norms for transactions: social norms and market norms. Social norms are a favor system, and market norms are about the exchange of money or other valuables. You arranged this with your friend and she offered this big favor (move in!) of which you are taking a small fraction of the favor (store stuff, change address). This is social norms territory.
Now, this isn't exactly like offering to pay for dinner if she invites you to a dinner party, but offering money for this favor turns it into market norms where you're paying for a service, which A) means you're kinda rejecting her favor and making it businesslike and B) entitles her to asses the cash value of this service and your friendship.
Don't cross into market norms; it's really really hard to cross back to social norms with a given person. A favor offered deserves a favor in return, not money.
posted by Sunburnt at 5:50 PM on June 28 [5 favorites]
Now, this isn't exactly like offering to pay for dinner if she invites you to a dinner party, but offering money for this favor turns it into market norms where you're paying for a service, which A) means you're kinda rejecting her favor and making it businesslike and B) entitles her to asses the cash value of this service and your friendship.
Don't cross into market norms; it's really really hard to cross back to social norms with a given person. A favor offered deserves a favor in return, not money.
posted by Sunburnt at 5:50 PM on June 28 [5 favorites]
I did this for some friends who were travelling Europe for a few years. They had a few good size boxes of books they did not want to get rid of, so they stored them at mine. The only thing I charged them was the right to read whatever I wanted from the little library, and even that was offered first.
Just send them cool postcards or the odd weird souvenir they'd like (I got a hairpin carved from a donated human femur!) and call it a day. It would have been weird to get paid for it.
posted by Jilder at 7:06 AM on June 29
Just send them cool postcards or the odd weird souvenir they'd like (I got a hairpin carved from a donated human femur!) and call it a day. It would have been weird to get paid for it.
posted by Jilder at 7:06 AM on June 29
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posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 12:53 PM on June 28 [25 favorites]