I am unstoppable, and other punchy affirmations
June 22, 2024 9:43 AM Subscribe
I was trying to psych myself up for dealing with some annoying work situations a few days ago, so when my office mate asked me “how are you” in the morning I told her “I am unstoppable!” She was amused, and when she asked me again the next morning I told her “I am a force of nature!” Help me come up with more silly, over the top affirmations/how are you answers!
All I ask is that they contain no profanity (our other office mate objects to it) and not be rooted in specific pop culture references. Cynicism and gallows humor is okay. “Living the dream” is the usual sarcastic reply in our workplace so not that one.
All I ask is that they contain no profanity (our other office mate objects to it) and not be rooted in specific pop culture references. Cynicism and gallows humor is okay. “Living the dream” is the usual sarcastic reply in our workplace so not that one.
I am the Chuck Norris of [profession]
I am what moxie wants to be when it grows up
I am prepared for anything
I am the crusher of goals, the slayer of deadlines
I am the queen they were talking about when they said "slay, queen"
Have a good week. :-)
posted by cupcakeninja at 10:08 AM on June 22 [5 favorites]
I am what moxie wants to be when it grows up
I am prepared for anything
I am the crusher of goals, the slayer of deadlines
I am the queen they were talking about when they said "slay, queen"
Have a good week. :-)
posted by cupcakeninja at 10:08 AM on June 22 [5 favorites]
Best answer: Seen on the internet: "the horrors persist but so do I"
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 10:08 AM on June 22 [21 favorites]
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 10:08 AM on June 22 [21 favorites]
Best answer: I feel like I could herd a larger than average sized flock of sheep today!
I am filled with the positive force of ten thousand plucky affirmations!
I stared down a bear before coffee this morning!
I am like the wind through tall grasses!
I am like a Ginsu knife that cuts through the petty grievances of life!
I am filled with the wrath of a thousand angry kittens!
Like you, I drink in this elixir of life and hope for a more just future!
I am the brightest light at the festival of dreams!
posted by Glinn at 10:13 AM on June 22 [7 favorites]
I am filled with the positive force of ten thousand plucky affirmations!
I stared down a bear before coffee this morning!
I am like the wind through tall grasses!
I am like a Ginsu knife that cuts through the petty grievances of life!
I am filled with the wrath of a thousand angry kittens!
Like you, I drink in this elixir of life and hope for a more just future!
I am the brightest light at the festival of dreams!
posted by Glinn at 10:13 AM on June 22 [7 favorites]
Best answer: A lot of this is in the delivery. These would work, if stated in the right, grandiose and over the top way:
"I'm getting better every day."
"I am filled with focus."
"I'm inspiring others."
"I'm climbing Everest" (then later in the day) "Because it's there. Oh wait, what was the question?"
"I am stronger than my excuses"
"Focused on the future"
After you've established the pattern, throw this one in:
"Avenge me, Office Mate, Avenge me" (this is from Ted Lasso)
posted by OrangeDisk at 10:19 AM on June 22 [3 favorites]
"I'm getting better every day."
"I am filled with focus."
"I'm inspiring others."
"I'm climbing Everest" (then later in the day) "Because it's there. Oh wait, what was the question?"
"I am stronger than my excuses"
"Focused on the future"
After you've established the pattern, throw this one in:
"Avenge me, Office Mate, Avenge me" (this is from Ted Lasso)
posted by OrangeDisk at 10:19 AM on June 22 [3 favorites]
This pop culture reference is probably too old and too specific but we quote Lina Lamont in Singin' in the Rain a lot. "I am a shimmering, glowing star in the cinema firmament." It helps if you pronounce it firma-MINT, the way she does in the film.
If you're not very psyched that day, "new liver, same eagle" could work.
posted by fedward at 10:19 AM on June 22 [13 favorites]
If you're not very psyched that day, "new liver, same eagle" could work.
posted by fedward at 10:19 AM on June 22 [13 favorites]
Not sure if it matters your gender, but you can say "I am woman, hear me roar!"
posted by hydra77 at 10:22 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]
posted by hydra77 at 10:22 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]
When asked how I am I have often replied “I’m living the dream”
posted by carterk at 10:27 AM on June 22 [3 favorites]
posted by carterk at 10:27 AM on June 22 [3 favorites]
Yet another day in paradise! was my standard reply when my situation got particularly dire at my last job.
posted by btfreek at 10:36 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]
posted by btfreek at 10:36 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]
I have a coworker who uses "Living the dream?" sarcastically/ironically as a common greeting, and my standard reply has been to say "no, [common nightmare trope] has not been happening, so I'm not living the dream, sorry." So:
"Hey [LionIndex] how's it going? Living the dream?"
"Well, I haven't had to take an exam in a class I forgot I was taking while wearing only my underwear, so no, not living the dream :("
posted by LionIndex at 10:37 AM on June 22 [4 favorites]
"Hey [LionIndex] how's it going? Living the dream?"
"Well, I haven't had to take an exam in a class I forgot I was taking while wearing only my underwear, so no, not living the dream :("
posted by LionIndex at 10:37 AM on June 22 [4 favorites]
Best answer: Strong like bull! (Said in a "Russian" accent. May be a pop culture reference, it was used in a number of movies, but probably works even outside that context.)
Out standing in my field. (If you feel it, you can add, "like a cow")
Better ever day.
On top of the world.
As good as it gets.
Exceeding expectations.
posted by evilmomlady at 10:45 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]
Out standing in my field. (If you feel it, you can add, "like a cow")
Better ever day.
On top of the world.
As good as it gets.
Exceeding expectations.
posted by evilmomlady at 10:45 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]
Best answer: If you want to put on a mock hardcore Paris philosopher attitude you can say “in the midst of my winter I found within me an invincible summer.”
posted by johngoren at 10:48 AM on June 22 [11 favorites]
posted by johngoren at 10:48 AM on June 22 [11 favorites]
As impenetrable as the Great Wall! (see Chinese history)
As solid as permafrost! (see climate change and the melting of the Arctic)
Shiny like a new set of veneers!
This is pinging some long buried creative impulses that got expressed on the playground, i.e. make like a banana and split.
posted by spamandkimchi at 10:51 AM on June 22 [2 favorites]
As solid as permafrost! (see climate change and the melting of the Arctic)
Shiny like a new set of veneers!
This is pinging some long buried creative impulses that got expressed on the playground, i.e. make like a banana and split.
posted by spamandkimchi at 10:51 AM on June 22 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I'm Alive, Awake, Alert and Enthusiastic!
These were the words to a song that we used to sing to our campers (similar to this) to get them going in the morning. Yes, it was annoying since campers were none of the above beyond alive but that was part of the joy in singing it at them.
posted by metahawk at 10:53 AM on June 22 [3 favorites]
These were the words to a song that we used to sing to our campers (similar to this) to get them going in the morning. Yes, it was annoying since campers were none of the above beyond alive but that was part of the joy in singing it at them.
posted by metahawk at 10:53 AM on June 22 [3 favorites]
In a past workplace, when we were about to take a big plunge on something, like starting a major upgrade that could go badly, I would declare:
Today is a good day to die.
It sounds grim, and I may very well have started doing it out of sarcasm, but I eventually saw it as empowering. You take a breath, square your shoulders, know that you've done the prep work, and march into battle.
posted by intermod at 10:54 AM on June 22 [5 favorites]
Today is a good day to die.
It sounds grim, and I may very well have started doing it out of sarcasm, but I eventually saw it as empowering. You take a breath, square your shoulders, know that you've done the prep work, and march into battle.
posted by intermod at 10:54 AM on June 22 [5 favorites]
"Upright and breathing" is what my dad says. Also "any day above ground is a good day". He's almost 80 so there's that.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 11:03 AM on June 22 [2 favorites]
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 11:03 AM on June 22 [2 favorites]
PS I love this question!
posted by evilmomlady at 11:04 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]
posted by evilmomlady at 11:04 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]
I am a leaf on the wind.
posted by coevals at 11:07 AM on June 22 [4 favorites]
posted by coevals at 11:07 AM on June 22 [4 favorites]
I am a shining star in the [insert nature of your business] firmament!
posted by JanetLand at 11:26 AM on June 22
posted by JanetLand at 11:26 AM on June 22
Best answer: "I am strong. I am invincible. I am woman!" (which, according to your Meta profile, you are, though my dudely friend often answers "why" questions at work with, "Because I'm the mommy," so, y'know, so as you like).
"I am the master of my fate and the captain of my destiny."
I am the moment after passing the final exam of senior year.
I am delight personified.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 11:31 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]
"I am the master of my fate and the captain of my destiny."
I am the moment after passing the final exam of senior year.
I am delight personified.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 11:31 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]
The only difference between champ and chump is U.
posted by brookeb at 11:38 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]
posted by brookeb at 11:38 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]
Best answer: "I'm here to kick ass and chew bubblegum. And I'm all out of gum." (This is from They Live, but I think it's a good all-purpose phrase.) In deference to your profanity-averse coworker, you could change "kick ass" to "kick butt" or even "conquer the world" or "sell widgets" or something like that.
To "Strong like bull!" I like to add, "Smart like tractor!"
posted by BrashTech at 11:42 AM on June 22 [5 favorites]
To "Strong like bull!" I like to add, "Smart like tractor!"
posted by BrashTech at 11:42 AM on June 22 [5 favorites]
How ya doin': "So good I can't stand it, and getting better all the time!"
Heard in the early 90s at Amway conventions from people who were undoubtedly coked to the gills.
posted by seanmpuckett at 11:45 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]
Heard in the early 90s at Amway conventions from people who were undoubtedly coked to the gills.
posted by seanmpuckett at 11:45 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]
Oh, also, "soaring like an eagle over a flock of ducks"
posted by seanmpuckett at 11:47 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]
posted by seanmpuckett at 11:47 AM on June 22 [1 favorite]
Better than yesterday but not as good as tomorrow.
Today is the last day of my life so far.
Optimistically paranoid, IOW they're out to get met but they won't.
posted by signal at 12:43 PM on June 22
Today is the last day of my life so far.
Optimistically paranoid, IOW they're out to get met but they won't.
posted by signal at 12:43 PM on June 22
Declaiming any of this in the original Irish will baffle everyone but you could start The Song of Amergin and stop when everyone in the room is convinced that you are about to leap a tall building . . .
I am the Wind on Sea,
I am an Ocean-wave,
I am the Roar of Sea,
I am a Stag of Seven Tines,
I am a Hawk on a Cliff,
I am a shining tear of the Sun,
I am the Fairest among Herbs,
I am theBoar for Boldness crushing bore
I am a Salmon in his Pool,
I am a Lake on the Plain,
I am a Hill of Poetry,
I am a Word of Skill, etc. etc.
posted by BobTheScientist at 12:49 PM on June 22 [1 favorite]
I am the Wind on Sea,
I am an Ocean-wave,
I am the Roar of Sea,
I am a Stag of Seven Tines,
I am a Hawk on a Cliff,
I am a shining tear of the Sun,
I am the Fairest among Herbs,
I am the
I am a Salmon in his Pool,
I am a Lake on the Plain,
I am a Hill of Poetry,
I am a Word of Skill, etc. etc.
posted by BobTheScientist at 12:49 PM on June 22 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I am a ray of sunshine
I CAN fly higher than an eagle
posted by sciencegeek at 1:19 PM on June 22
I CAN fly higher than an eagle
posted by sciencegeek at 1:19 PM on June 22
In the words of Bret "The Hitman" Hart:
"I'm the best there was, the best there is, and the best there ever will be."
posted by Temeraria at 2:19 PM on June 22
"I'm the best there was, the best there is, and the best there ever will be."
posted by Temeraria at 2:19 PM on June 22
I am the sharpest tool in the shed! (Basically the inverse of any of those "not the brightest star in the sky" type insults)
I'm the pearl in this oyster!
I'm the happiest clown at this circus.
Also, I know you don't want pop culture references, but I think the below work without the song/poem knowledge.
I am the one and only, nobody I'd rather be.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
I am the wind beneath your wings. (to build on sciencegeek's answer above)
posted by the primroses were over at 2:20 PM on June 22 [2 favorites]
I'm the pearl in this oyster!
I'm the happiest clown at this circus.
Also, I know you don't want pop culture references, but I think the below work without the song/poem knowledge.
I am the one and only, nobody I'd rather be.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
I am the wind beneath your wings. (to build on sciencegeek's answer above)
posted by the primroses were over at 2:20 PM on June 22 [2 favorites]
I’m the cream in your coffee
I’m the salt in your stew
I’m the starch in your collar
I’m the lace in your shoe
I’m the sail of your loveboat
I’m the captain and crew
Or better yet, strike a pose and burst into song, as originally written.
posted by mmiddle at 3:22 PM on June 22 [2 favorites]
I’m the salt in your stew
I’m the starch in your collar
I’m the lace in your shoe
I’m the sail of your loveboat
I’m the captain and crew
Or better yet, strike a pose and burst into song, as originally written.
posted by mmiddle at 3:22 PM on June 22 [2 favorites]
Calculate your pay rate down to the second and answer with "XX cents richer than before you asked."
posted by gible at 4:03 PM on June 22
posted by gible at 4:03 PM on June 22
We watched the extended cuts of LotR last weekend and Thèodin has great lines.
Now for wrath, now for ruin, and the red dawn.
Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered!
A sword day, a red day, ere the sun rises!
Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride for ruin and the world’s ending!
posted by fiercekitten at 5:17 PM on June 22 [1 favorite]
Now for wrath, now for ruin, and the red dawn.
Spears shall be shaken, shields shall be splintered!
A sword day, a red day, ere the sun rises!
Ride now! Ride now! Ride! Ride for ruin and the world’s ending!
posted by fiercekitten at 5:17 PM on June 22 [1 favorite]
No longer am I the woman you knew! I am Fire and Life incarnate! Now and forever - I am PHOENIX!
posted by signal at 5:51 PM on June 22 [1 favorite]
posted by signal at 5:51 PM on June 22 [1 favorite]
I'm the king of the world!
or
I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonit, people like me.
posted by gideonfrog at 5:52 PM on June 22 [1 favorite]
or
I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonit, people like me.
posted by gideonfrog at 5:52 PM on June 22 [1 favorite]
The one that springs to mind is “Soon, I will be invincible!”
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 6:06 PM on June 22 [1 favorite]
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 6:06 PM on June 22 [1 favorite]
"I'm a million miles high, I'm a piece of the sky, I'm the purple in the rainbow, my my my
I'm like wind in your hair, I'm like rain on the sea, I'm free, I'm free, I'm free."
-Concrete Blonde
posted by Sauce Trough at 6:13 PM on June 22 [1 favorite]
I'm like wind in your hair, I'm like rain on the sea, I'm free, I'm free, I'm free."
-Concrete Blonde
posted by Sauce Trough at 6:13 PM on June 22 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I am unconquerable. Ungovernable also works great.
posted by terretu at 6:17 PM on June 22
posted by terretu at 6:17 PM on June 22
I’m the cream of the crop, I rise to the top
Ain't nobody dope as me; I'm just so fresh, so clean
posted by shock muppet at 6:55 PM on June 22
Ain't nobody dope as me; I'm just so fresh, so clean
posted by shock muppet at 6:55 PM on June 22
Best answer: I am large, I contain multitudes.
I am constant as the northern star.
I am the alpha and the omega.
I have become death, the destroyer of worlds.
I eat men like air.
I am no bird, and no net ensnares me.
I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.
I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.
I am indeed a king, for I know how to rule myself.
I am a part of all that I have met.
I am vengeance. I am the night. I am Batman.
posted by sohalt at 10:20 PM on June 22 [2 favorites]
I am constant as the northern star.
I am the alpha and the omega.
I have become death, the destroyer of worlds.
I eat men like air.
I am no bird, and no net ensnares me.
I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.
I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.
I am indeed a king, for I know how to rule myself.
I am a part of all that I have met.
I am vengeance. I am the night. I am Batman.
posted by sohalt at 10:20 PM on June 22 [2 favorites]
Oh My God, I'm Gorgeous!
posted by halehale at 12:14 PM on June 23 [1 favorite]
posted by halehale at 12:14 PM on June 23 [1 favorite]
The more specific you get the weirder and funnier you will sound.
"How are you doing today?" "I vanquished eight ducks!"
"How are ya?" "Better than a grande mocha frappuccino!"
"Hey what's up?" "My esteem and respect for you, of course!"
etc.
posted by MiraK at 6:48 AM on June 24
"How are you doing today?" "I vanquished eight ducks!"
"How are ya?" "Better than a grande mocha frappuccino!"
"Hey what's up?" "My esteem and respect for you, of course!"
etc.
posted by MiraK at 6:48 AM on June 24
"I'm just jumpin' up and down."
This usually elicits a smile, and that makes me feel good.
posted by mule98J at 7:18 AM on June 24
This usually elicits a smile, and that makes me feel good.
posted by mule98J at 7:18 AM on June 24
I'm gliding through the rancid butter of life like the hottest ever knife.
posted by Chairboy at 8:28 AM on June 24
posted by Chairboy at 8:28 AM on June 24
I have a co-worker who usually answers: It's another beautiful day at [name of the firm]!
posted by Preserver at 10:09 AM on June 24
posted by Preserver at 10:09 AM on June 24
"Excellent, i'faith; of the chameleon's dish. I eat the air, promise-crammed."
-- Hamlet, III.ii
posted by Pallas Athena at 4:34 PM on June 24
-- Hamlet, III.ii
posted by Pallas Athena at 4:34 PM on June 24
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posted by knile at 9:44 AM on June 22 [4 favorites]