Only interested in things that bother me?

June 12, 2024 4:22 PM

Sometimes, I find that the only media that can hold my interest is on topics that I find stressful/upsetting. I'll try to read or watch something about a pleasant interest, and no matter how interested I am in that at other times, it seems boring.

This would make sense to me if it happened when I was in a terrible mood, but it doesn't always. I can be happy, upbeat, eager to live life, looking forward to things, and still feel this way.

I don't want to be stressed out or upset, but whenever I try to engage with something that doesn't bother me, my brain goes boooring, NEXT! and I end up engaging with the upsetting thing because it's the only thing that holds my interest. How can I change this?

posted by wheatlets to Health & Fitness (15 answers total)

seems like a natural brain thing - danger is *meant* to be more interesting.

suggestion: cultivate a curiosity about nice topics you like. focus on detail in those topics.

might help (shrug)?
posted by j_curiouser at 4:44 PM on June 12 [1 favorite]

Spend more time being bored and sit with the uncomfortable understimulation/restlessness until you brainstorm something else “healthier” that will be engrossing?

I tend to reach for media with a lot of conflict when I’m experiencing stress that I can’t let go of. It feels like a convenient way to engage with my (often subconscious) stress, even though it doesn’t actually complete the stress cycle and flush the cortisol from my system. More exercise often helps.
posted by itesser at 4:49 PM on June 12 [9 favorites]

I just read the book Digital Minimalism, which I found kind of elitist and annoying, but which made a lot of good points. Basically, the thesis is that your smartphone and social media messing with your mind, and you might want to decide exactly what you want your smartphone to do for you, and how, and how often, and then eliminate everything else.

To get specific, he recommends that you start with a monthlong phone/social media fast to kind of reset your brain, and find ways to engage in the real world with friends/family relationships and with concrete activities. Basically, you need to let yourself be bored and get back to being able to experience and appreciate the pace of physical, mental, and emotional life offline.

I didn’t love this book but I do agree with and respect the thesis in general and the remedies as well. I have deleted all my social media apps and I try to stay logged out of excessively attractive accounts to make it inconvenient to login, enough to maybe breathe past it. I wish you good luck
posted by toodleydoodley at 4:49 PM on June 12 [7 favorites]

One mistake is looking at "positive" or "feel good" media content. That crap makes me hate everything more than when I hate read.

Go watch some David Attenborough or Judy Dench or whatever more classical/ pre-rage-economy stuff that floats your boat. Or read some fun novels that don't directly engage with everything that sucks about the modern world.

This could be a whole interesting AskMe in its own right but hopefully you get what I'm going for. Good luck!
posted by SaltySalticid at 5:10 PM on June 12 [1 favorite]

How tired are you?

I find that when I'm long-term exhausted, I can't focus my attention on things that don't present as a crisis.
posted by heatherlogan at 5:31 PM on June 12 [7 favorites]

It's reward addiction. You get outraged, you get a little chemical buzz in the brain. After a while, you need the outrage because you can't get that chemical buzz any other way; the buzz feels good, and you've trained yourself to push the lever that gives it to you.

I'd suggest you shut it all down; stop engaging with the things that outrage you for a while until you're able to recalibrate your reactions. Go without the buzz for a while.
posted by invincible summer at 5:47 PM on June 12 [6 favorites]

What are the patterns about when you react this way and when you don't? Like, does it vary at all along these dimensions?

* generally feeling in control of your life versus feeling overwhelmed or like you haven't accomplished enough recently
* generally feeling valued, feeling a sense of belonging, feeling like you're in a community of people who share your values, versus feeling unappreciated/lonely
* using a handheld electronic device versus watching things on a TV versus reading something on paper
* watching/reading alone versus with others
* time of day/time of year
* trying to watch/read new pleasant things versus rereading/rewatching
* fiction vs nonfiction

I agree with other commenters who mention the role of fatigue and who point out that we can get habituated to the little reward buzz of feeling outrage, horror, etc.

If your brain is seeking novel stimulation, you could try leaning into this pattern and exploring media that is particularly calculated to stimulate, surprise, and excite, like pornography/erotica, horror, and stand-up comedy -- or even deliberately maddening and hard-to-engage-with art, like experimental film.

If your body is understimulated, you could try exercising while you watch/read, to see whether that makes up for the missing adrenaline/cortisol/etc.
posted by brainwane at 5:56 PM on June 12 [1 favorite]

I'm currently reading Stolen Focus: Why You Can't Pay Attention by Johann Hari, which gets into this in-depth. I recommend it - he acknowledges where the system is stacked against us (and how it might be revised), while advocating people make what individual choices are available to them.
posted by coffeecat at 6:03 PM on June 12 [4 favorites]

How can I change this?
itstimetologoff.com details the history of Stanford's Persuasive Technology Lab. recommended actions include:
Turn off notifications
Cull social media apps
Be wise to emotional triggers
Use anti-distraction tools

'salience' may be the phenomenon you would like to better understand [wiki]
posted by HearHere at 6:35 PM on June 12 [1 favorite]

To elaborate on invincible summer's point, being drawn to angry content can be because you're craving the dopamine release that happens when you're angry.

This is an especially common experience for ADHD or autistic people, but it happens to everyone.

Even if you're not ADHD, googling "ADHD dopamine" might be helpful.
posted by Zumbador at 7:51 PM on June 12 [3 favorites]

This sounds so familiar! I didn't know other people had the same thing. I get it most when I'm tired or when I'm becoming a bit depressed: anything wholesome or interesting doesn't cut it, it needs to be something negative like the news. I chalk it up to needing a dopamine hit, since either there's a lack of that, or the serotonin that something wholesome would provide isn't working (given the depression and all that). I know neurotransmitters are way more complex than that, but it's a useful shorthand.

I try my best to not give in to the impulse to find something upsetting or too negative and find a suitable alternative instead. In my case that's either something similar but I know doesn't affect me too negatively, a podcast like Maintenance Phase or If Books Could Kill works for that purpose, or something different that'll provide the dopamine hit. Gaming is especially good for that, because it provides the problem-solution-reward thing without a negative current events spiral or other real upsetting stuff.
posted by snusmumrik at 2:12 AM on June 13

This usually means I'm tired. My rule is: if I'm too tired to hold focus on the things I actually want to be doing, instead of doing stuff I don't want to be doing (mindless video games, doom scrolling), I should go to bed.
posted by Lady Li at 4:58 AM on June 13 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: It turns out I was under an extreme amount of stress but I felt great because I was suppressing it with adrenaline or something, and then crashed last night.
posted by wheatlets at 8:09 AM on June 13

Search youtube for "nervous system regulation" and "vagus nerve" and "polyvagal" - you're juicing your adrenal glands to medicate stress, and it's hell on your nervous system, so learning techniques to chill the whole cycle out is way better for you and more successful overall.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:49 AM on June 13 [2 favorites]

We get little jolts of adrenaline from arguing, or feeling outraged, or from seeing violence. Adrenaline is kind of a painkiller, so it can distract you from other unpleasant emotions, and also give you energy that can make you feel good and powerful, esp when you're getting burned out. I get fighty when I'm overwhelmed for the same reason - the adrenaline makes me feel more in control. Getting more sleep helps a lot!
posted by nouvelle-personne at 10:13 AM on June 13 [2 favorites]