Shabbat, but not?

May 24, 2024 9:13 PM

Help me come up with a name for a weekly (or semi-weekly, or monthly) ritual of rest and togetherness. The vibe: candle-lighting, friends, food, libations, an invitation to bring a penguin pebble to share (tea, music, poetry, art, a story, a comic strip, a sticker, a plant or flower or leaf or rock -- etc.), maybe a witchy ritual or two, perhaps a chill tabletop game or coloring pages or art supplies provided. I want to set aside a special time to connect with loved ones in a slow-paced, gentle, in-person format, suffused with the sublime.

I am a solo human. I love my solitude and the rhythms of my life here with my fluffy feline buddy. And also as a solo person, my friends and community are really important to me! Scheduling with adults is tough, so I want to create some regular, structured times in my schedule with a standing invite for friends to come over for a meal and some relaxing time together.

I'm definitely taking inspiration from Shabbat here, in the sense of cyclically setting a time apart for rest and togetherness. But fundamentally what I'm doing is not Shabbat, it's... something else.

What do I call it instead? Is there a name for a regular ritual gathering that will reflect a sense of warmth and community and comfy space and sacred slow time set apart from the rest of the week? The gathering will also be very queer, in case that's something that helps with the name.

I'm thinking the [name TBD] will probably rotate between Saturday evenings and Sunday brunch-time. It would be just fine to have one name for the evening get-together and a different name for the brunch variant.

Family Dinner?
Family Brunch?
Family Teatime?
Friends by the Fire? [no current fireplace, so seems like false advertising]
[Something something] garden [something]?
Cnidaria's Ephemeral Teahouse?
Time-Traveling Teahouse?
Occasional Meal?

So far nothing feels quite right. I'm at a loss here. Fingers crossed for some creative and fitting ideas!

posted by cnidaria to Grab Bag (23 answers total)

First name that popped into my head was "Co-ance", as I was thinking "company + seance", then Gruance (group + seance) but I guess seance may be too morbid or witchy. :-/
posted by kschang at 10:52 PM on May 24

I would call this Open House.
posted by third word on a random page at 11:17 PM on May 24 [9 favorites]

The thing I’m in like this we call a ‘circle’.
posted by Balthamos at 11:34 PM on May 24

Response by poster: Maybe irrelevant but I just remembered that back in my dissolute youth (aka early 20s), we had these "Gothic Funk" parties. Allegedly, according to the party literature, the "Gnostic Punk" was the natural enemy of the ethos of "Gothic Funk".

I've still always have wondered what a "Gnostic Punk" party would be like / wished to attend one...
posted by cnidaria at 12:00 AM on May 25

The first name that came to mind for me was Mosaic, as a reference to both Moses (during whose time Shabbat originated) and the colourful murals made up of various different pieces.
posted by Calysma at 1:35 AM on May 25

Aeon? or perhaps something byzantine, as Constantine officially decreed a seven-day week?
posted by HearHere at 1:40 AM on May 25

Shared respite.

If you can possibly find a time that works for everyone, I think having it be the same every week might work better for some people - but that depends on you and your friends, of course.

Good luck!
posted by amtho at 3:24 AM on May 25 [1 favorite]

Best answer: When I did something like this, I called them my "At Homes". I took that from a Victorian custom - in Victorian English society, women would pick one specific day of each week, or a time window within a given day, that they would be at home to receive visitors. The rest of the week was when she would go visit all the other women at THEIR At-Home times. These "visits" were short hang-outs of about a half hour, but only because Victorian society was pretty damn big, and if you knew 20 or so people, you had to cram all of them in over the course of every week. I adopted the "At-Home" concept for a while - telling my friends that once a month, like the last Saturday or something, I would be "at home" and they could drop in to hang out.

I'll warn you, though, that giving it a cool name didn't do as much to cement the idea in my friends' heads as much as reminding them "hey, next Saturday is my hangout time, will you be coming maybe?" did.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:31 AM on May 25 [8 favorites]

Joinery
posted by warriorqueen at 3:58 AM on May 25 [1 favorite]

Gathering is good!
posted by lokta at 4:27 AM on May 25

Salon
posted by starfishprime at 6:32 AM on May 25 [2 favorites]

I recently learned the word 'surcee' - among other spellings - during my eclipse travel. It's a little gift of caring in regional Southern US tradition, like that pebble thing. But the word sounds like Circe and circle and may be suitable for these get togethers.
posted by cobaltnine at 6:50 AM on May 25

My library did something like this years ago. It became rather popular.
Ummm, speaking of... how popular do you want this to be? Set expectations for bringing new guests and for people showing up to your "salon" uninvited.

Possible invitation sent snail mail to friends (it can't be forwarded) --

"Hey, cnidaria's Saturday Coffee and Tea Break is at their house each month on the second Saturday. Doors open at 6 p.m.
"It's free! Drop in, kick back, veg out.
"Check their blog for updates on the theme (also cancelations if needed)."

If you want them to come, make it super simple and straightforward.
An easy-to-remember name, time and location.
A message board to set expectations and get information.
Guests can touch base with you and each other via the message board.

Because the gathering is on a fixed date --
Guests are not showing up on the wrong date "uninvited" or when you are out of town.
Guests are not kicking themselves because they keep forgetting.

If someone complains about the date (Why Saturday?) then gently remind them that this is the day you've set aside to catch up with friends. They are welcome to start their own break time, and you can help them.

Good luck!
posted by TrishaU at 7:38 AM on May 25

Retreat
posted by Tandem Affinity at 7:41 AM on May 25

Jour fixe, regulars' table, visiting hours
posted by sohalt at 7:51 AM on May 25

Regathering.

A la 'this week's Regathering …'
posted by jamjam at 10:38 AM on May 25 [1 favorite]

A friend used to something similar. She called it Friday Night Dinner.

Along those lines, maybe First Saturday or Second Sunday or whatever rule you want to commit to? Putting the time in the name makes it easier to remember.
posted by yarntheory at 3:45 PM on May 25

Cnidaria's Community Circle
posted by metahawk at 9:43 PM on May 25

Sublime Saturdays (always an evening gathering) and Sublime Sundays (always brunch-time).
posted by Iris Gambol at 4:07 PM on May 26

Best answer: Someone I know used Sunday Bagels as a sort of family office hours this way. It was nice; anyone she wanted to see, she'd just reflexively invite to Sunday Bagels because she always expected to be around. Any Sunday between about nine and about noon, she and her husband and their kids would be drinking coffee or tea, eating bagels, and reading the newspaper. If you wanted to hang out, you could come chat over bagels.

You could also just totally call this Office Hours though. Because I think that was the concept she based it on, that she'd reserve a time this way for people to come to call.
posted by potrzebie at 10:30 PM on May 26

Response by poster: Currently I'm leaning towards "Ephemeral Table", because it sounds pretty, and also because I plan to have an ephemeral table or two. I have a smaller space and am working on getting a main dining table with a nice leaf so I can expand it for guests, plus adapting / acquiring other options that can be adapted into additional small table mode as needed.

Love the idea of treating it like office hours! I was kind of thinking I'd make a time to be home but have it be extremely casual -- standing invitations and one-off invitations, food, newspaper and tea/coffee and brunch if it's brunchtime, and people can just drop by as they like, everything is super cozy and chill.

I'm thinking in summer it will likely be evenings, in winter perhaps a brunchtime affair. Winter in the Pacific Northwest can be a dreary business and we all need a boost, and I find brunch incredibly relaxing but also cheerful. And in summer, we're all much more likely to get together to spend a day swimming at the lake, rather than cooping ourselves up indoors while it's sunny out.
posted by cnidaria at 9:59 AM on May 27

Best answer: Meant to add: maybe the term you'll use now is purposefully (explicitly, when issuing the first invitations) temporary? After a couple of get-togethers, having attendees brainstorm the group's name helps solidify your proposed tradition.

(I love your plan. Creating a standing gathering, like yours, honors and strengthens such important ties. As a fellow solo-person, I'm very accustomed to making decisions alone; here, I think your chosen family contributing to the lasting name goes to a "sense of ownership" and belonging, in the community development sense? Best wishes, cnidaria.)
posted by Iris Gambol at 10:06 AM on May 27

Ethemeral Klatch / Evanescent Klatch (I was thinking a riff off Coffee Klatch, anything starts with a K that's related?)

Kommunity Klatch? ;)
posted by kschang at 7:40 AM on May 29