Serenity now?

March 1, 2024 3:29 PM

My family is going through a positive change. We've done about as much leg work as we can to prepare. Now we have to wait. We don't know for sure if the change will come to pass, but we are hopeful it will. I find myself wanting to keep researching, searching, training, but I sense that this is about anxiety and control. It's ruminating in a way that is not good for me. How can I handle waiting?

Although I am not a very religious person, I would like to "let go and let God." That's so foreign to me and my MO though. I have anxiety and have used planning and ruminating both to order my life in ways that are beneficial and to absolutely bring it to a grinding halt and need a long period of recovery (and meds). Things I have used in the past to positive effect:
- positive affirmations
- long periods of rest under weighted blankets
- prolong hugging with loved ones
- singing
- alternate nostril breathing

Notes:
- I would like to try prayer but I don't want it to be random freeform prayer. I consider poetry to be a form of prayer too.
- Exercise is triggering for me. I exercise, but it times of anxiety I've done it to the point of harmfulness. Similar things around food/diet.
- I've had a therapist in the past and am not opposed to get one in the future. For this questions I am interested in learning other people's tricks of the trade.
How do YOU let go and let God?

posted by CMcG to Health & Fitness (16 answers total)

Have you tried journaling?
posted by knile at 3:47 PM on March 1 [1 favorite]

I try to let go of my anxiety by reminding myself that I am capable and able to handle things, that I can't know and solve for all possible outcomes, that it is a waste of my time now to over plan or worry about the future what-ifs. Then, I try to think about what actually would be a better use of my time and try to do that. (Sometimes what is actually a better use of my time is to relax and do nothing!)
posted by bruinfan at 3:51 PM on March 1 [3 favorites]

Best answer: - I would like to try prayer but I don't want it to be random freeform prayer. I consider poetry to be a form of prayer too.

How about Desiderata, the poem of life, by Max Ehrmann, or even the last verse...

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

posted by Thella at 4:12 PM on March 1 [16 favorites]

I'm going through a tough time right now, but some of it is not all that different what you've got going on. I need to muddle through. It seems like a lot of the activities you're doing or considering aren't really keeping your brain busy. I find it's very helpful to keep my brain busy. To that end, I am making plans with friends, connecting with loved ones (in person or on the phone), and also consuming media that's fun and with intention. An absurd comedy where I laugh out loud is excellent medicine. Is there a new hobby or activity you've wanted to explore? What about taking a day trip to a different town?

For me, one of the best coping mechanisms when I'm anxious or sad or having intrusive thoughts is to give my brain new layers of positive experiences.

Also, if you're not already doing this: prioritize quality sleep. It's so much easier for me to manage my emotions on days I'm well rested.
posted by bluedaisy at 4:26 PM on March 1 [5 favorites]

You might find the book Transitions by William Bridges useful. There’s a lot of stuff in it about how a change is just a single moment in time, but a transition is a longer process, usually involving a period of uncertainty and a whole lot of things shifting - it doesn’t happen instantly or neatly. I found it very affirming to read someone saying that my feelings of uncertainty and anxiety were a normal part of the transition process, rather than just me being incapable and daft.
posted by penguin pie at 4:29 PM on March 1 [1 favorite]

I sometimes find the act of creating and listening to playlists to be a good way to address mood. Here are some suggestions for songs about waiting or being present to get you started.

The Waiting - Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
Waiting on a Friend - Rolling Stones
Never Make Your Move to Soon - Ry Cooder
And She Was - Talking Heads
Look Around - Sergio Mendes and Brasil 66
Ain't Misbehavin - Fats Waller
posted by brookeb at 4:48 PM on March 1 [1 favorite]

I take in a deep breath and blow it out slowly while relaxing my shoulders (where I carry a lot of tension) and sometime also shaking out or stretching out my arms.
I tell myself "Everything is OK. I don't need to anything right now. When I need to do something I will but right now there is nothing to do so it is Ok to let go and relax" (I know that is repetitive but it's how I need to hear it")
In another version, I tell myself that the urge to act is just my anxiety talking, There is nothing that actually needs to be done right now along with the same deep breath or tow.
posted by metahawk at 6:10 PM on March 1 [2 favorites]

Piggybacking on the brookeb's answer: long walks with a curated playlist (about whatever; Don't Think Twice It's Alright seems apropos) on the headphones. Or seeing a local comedy show or funny movie on TV or the theater screen—just anything to get whatever's on your mind, off it, while time does its thing behind your back.

The thing about walking, though, is that it has mental & physical health benefits, and, even upon re-reading your question, about exercise be triggering, walking can just mean going to the store by foot instead of by car.
posted by not_on_display at 6:12 PM on March 1

I happen to be reading "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" by Dale Carnegie from 1948. You could get it from the library and see if it helps. Just a thought.
posted by forthright at 6:40 PM on March 1 [1 favorite]

I find the serenity prayer helpful in these circumstances, but given your question title, you might already be familiar with it. When I am super-duper stressed, I repeat "serenity, courage, wisdom" to my self while taking deep breaths and looking out the window.
posted by OrangeDisk at 7:31 PM on March 1

Become deeply absorbed in a different (lower-stakes) subject? You've done all you can in advance of this positive change, and now the matter is in "God's"/"fate's"/"the universe's" jurisdiction. A brain accustomed to researching and training -- and problem-solving -- doesn't just switch off; giving it something else to work on helps avoid rumination and anxiety.

Seconding bluedaisy's sleep advice. Change, even positive change, can be stressful and depleting. Best wishes to you and your family, CMcG.
posted by Iris Gambol at 7:39 PM on March 1 [1 favorite]

There are certain things that jolt my brain out of its rut and prompt a reboot to at least some extent. Travel and some kind of major night out (the visceral experience and extreme joy of going to a loud concert to see my favorite band) are the main two. My brain resets. Another time I remember a super stressful caper movie having this effect. "Oh, thank God, no mob boss is after me, it's just [this thing I previously was worried about]."
posted by slidell at 7:50 PM on March 1

Are you someone who's able to be distracted or to shift your interests? You don't say how long the wait period is, but if it's long maybe you could distract yourself by taking up some intensive hobby or project with a clear goal. And if it's short maybe you could go on a small trip, or do a small project. Doing these things together with other people could make them even more immersive.
posted by trig at 12:51 AM on March 2

I found the recurring line in Bridge of Spies by the character Able, in response to Tom Hanks character asking if he is worried or why wasn't he worried, "Would it help?" makes me remember that after I have prepared, practiced, researched, etc. there is not anything to do but leave it in the hands of fate/the gods/luck.

Maybe it is too basic and logical, but when I am fretting about something I ask myself," Would worrying help?" It is easier said than done, but I refocus on something else, anything else, even something as mundane as reading baseball box scores.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 2:27 AM on March 2 [4 favorites]

Best answer: I am not a believer in any god, but I grew up Catholic, ritual is comforting, and I believe prayer is good for the person who prays. It helps us commit to our intentions and it quiets our minds. The Our Father is an okay prayer, esp. the 2nd part. Sit quietly. Light a candle, try to empty you mind and pray. Repeating a prayer or saying a series of prayers is a form of meditation.

May the Long Time Sun shine upon you, all love surround you, and the pure light within you guide your way home.

Buddhist Prayer

Buddhist Prayer
May all people be free of fear.
May all people be free of hate and anger and live in peace.
May we quickly forgive those we feel have harmed us.
May we all live in harmony with respect for all.

I think doing your own search for prayers/ meditations would be helpful for you, but here's a start.
The Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear from Dune is helpful. Non-religious prayers
Pinterest, but useful
Secular thanks
A Quaker Prayer, and others
posted by theora55 at 9:19 AM on March 2 [3 favorites]

One trick I've adopted is when my brain starts asking, "what if?" I say, "then we will figure it out then." (Or sometimes, "then that will suck, and we will have to grieve it then.")

You can't take the burden from future you. You can build up a toolkit to empower them but they will have to be the one who makes the decisions and deals with the events.
posted by Lady Li at 2:20 PM on March 3