Looking to get back into Meditation (Tips or Suggestions?)
February 25, 2024 6:22 AM Subscribe
Started my Meditation practice about 4 years ago, but stopped (reasons below). Wanting to get back into it daily again. Need some help and guidance.
Quick background - like many people, I started meditating in 2020. I posted a question here about how to start - I received lots of responses, and from that, I bought some books, downloaded some apps, and started my practice and kept with it daily for over a year, but slowly gave up on it.
I was mainly practicing a basic version of vipassana meditation (focusing on my breath...noticing thoughts....starting again focusing on breath, etc)
Two main things I realized that contributed to stopping. The main one, was that while I was meditating, I enjoyed it. I would focus on my breath...notice my thoughts, start again on my breath, etc. All good. However, as soon as I wasn't meditating, I wasn't noticing any of the benefits of meditation. I never thought of anything meditation-related when I wasn't meditating. This was frustrating. I wouldn't think of it again, until the next day while I meditating. I wanted to experience the benefits of meditating while I wasn't actually meditating. But I never once thought of anything meditation related, when I wasn't actually doing it. How can this be accomplished?
Secondly, it was about my thoughts. I know I should have been simply noticing my thoughts with no judgments, etc, but there were times when I was in my meditation practice that I was constantly thinking about things that were going on in my life (parents' health, my divorce, etc). I was hoping that meditation would help with this, but my thoughts would continually go back to this. I would notice it, focus on breathing, and then these thoughts would continually come back (again and again). I would notice them, but is there anything else I can do but 'notice' them to try and deal with this stuff better? Noticing wasn't helping with the divorce (if that makes sense).
Thoughts? Suggestions? Tips? Help?
Quick background - like many people, I started meditating in 2020. I posted a question here about how to start - I received lots of responses, and from that, I bought some books, downloaded some apps, and started my practice and kept with it daily for over a year, but slowly gave up on it.
I was mainly practicing a basic version of vipassana meditation (focusing on my breath...noticing thoughts....starting again focusing on breath, etc)
Two main things I realized that contributed to stopping. The main one, was that while I was meditating, I enjoyed it. I would focus on my breath...notice my thoughts, start again on my breath, etc. All good. However, as soon as I wasn't meditating, I wasn't noticing any of the benefits of meditation. I never thought of anything meditation-related when I wasn't meditating. This was frustrating. I wouldn't think of it again, until the next day while I meditating. I wanted to experience the benefits of meditating while I wasn't actually meditating. But I never once thought of anything meditation related, when I wasn't actually doing it. How can this be accomplished?
Secondly, it was about my thoughts. I know I should have been simply noticing my thoughts with no judgments, etc, but there were times when I was in my meditation practice that I was constantly thinking about things that were going on in my life (parents' health, my divorce, etc). I was hoping that meditation would help with this, but my thoughts would continually go back to this. I would notice it, focus on breathing, and then these thoughts would continually come back (again and again). I would notice them, but is there anything else I can do but 'notice' them to try and deal with this stuff better? Noticing wasn't helping with the divorce (if that makes sense).
Thoughts? Suggestions? Tips? Help?
In many ways, this is it. This is the whole business of meditation. It's a misapprehension that by meditating, we'll get to be able to switch our thoughts off.
Seconding this. I use the app Headspace (and like it a lot!) and one of the things that helped me reframe some stressful thoughts came during a guided meditation session they had - instead of trying to force myself to stop those thoughts (because that wasn't gonna happen), the goal they suggested was to sort of "create space" around those thoughts - you know, instead of getting myself all caught up and immersed in them, or trying to switch them off altogether, the goal was to remind myself that "those issues are real, yes, but that's not the ONLY thing that's happening in my life right now. For instance, i"m breathing, and the room I'm in smells good, and my nose itches, and my neighbor just got their dog to stop fighting and that's a relief, and - yes, I'll have to do something with my job, but that's something I can worry about tomorrow, which frees me up tonight to focus on other things...."
You know? The mindfulness is supposed to help you cope with and process those thoughts, not turn them off necessarily.
Also, there's a reason they call it a meditation "practice" - it's something you just keep doing and you will get more comfortable with it in time.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:51 AM on February 25, 2024 [2 favorites]
Seconding this. I use the app Headspace (and like it a lot!) and one of the things that helped me reframe some stressful thoughts came during a guided meditation session they had - instead of trying to force myself to stop those thoughts (because that wasn't gonna happen), the goal they suggested was to sort of "create space" around those thoughts - you know, instead of getting myself all caught up and immersed in them, or trying to switch them off altogether, the goal was to remind myself that "those issues are real, yes, but that's not the ONLY thing that's happening in my life right now. For instance, i"m breathing, and the room I'm in smells good, and my nose itches, and my neighbor just got their dog to stop fighting and that's a relief, and - yes, I'll have to do something with my job, but that's something I can worry about tomorrow, which frees me up tonight to focus on other things...."
You know? The mindfulness is supposed to help you cope with and process those thoughts, not turn them off necessarily.
Also, there's a reason they call it a meditation "practice" - it's something you just keep doing and you will get more comfortable with it in time.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:51 AM on February 25, 2024 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Thanks! Yes, the renumeration part you mentioned above is exactly what I was referring to. I mean, I got to the point where I was constantly 'noticing' that my thoughts would be on the same topic....but how is that helping me?
when its like "here is another thought about my divorce - focus on breath - another random thought about divorce - breath - I am getting hungry - breath - divorce thought - breath" (or dealing with a parent in hospital). I don't need to meditate to have these recurring thoughts, and simply noticing them wasn't helping with them at all (or so I thought), which is why I eventually stopped.
But no, you are right - I have only meditated alone. Never done it with a teacher. But that is a good point. I will look into that.
posted by konaStFr at 6:58 AM on February 25, 2024
when its like "here is another thought about my divorce - focus on breath - another random thought about divorce - breath - I am getting hungry - breath - divorce thought - breath" (or dealing with a parent in hospital). I don't need to meditate to have these recurring thoughts, and simply noticing them wasn't helping with them at all (or so I thought), which is why I eventually stopped.
But no, you are right - I have only meditated alone. Never done it with a teacher. But that is a good point. I will look into that.
posted by konaStFr at 6:58 AM on February 25, 2024
Response by poster: Totally agree that its not trying to stop the thoughts, but I guess the process of simply noticing them, wasn't helping them at all. If that makes sense?
posted by konaStFr at 6:59 AM on February 25, 2024
posted by konaStFr at 6:59 AM on February 25, 2024
I don't need to meditate to have these recurring thoughts, and simply noticing them wasn't helping with them at all (or so I thought), which is why I eventually stopped.
Right, but "noticing" them and going back to the breath keeps you from pursuing those thoughts, yeah?
In fact - as you say, you have those thoughts without meditation. But the danger is that you could have those thoughts and obsess about them and get all caught up in them. Like:
"Oh God the divorce. This sucks. I'm having a divorce. And that's going to change everything and I must be a failure and oh God poor me and - ow, how did I walk into this lamppost?"
Meditation is to help you practice how to STOP following those thoughts. So instead of getting so caught up in them that you walk into a lamppost, you can be like:
"Oh God the divorce. This su- okay, hang on a second, lemme take a deep breath and ground myself a second so I don't obsess....there. Whoops, I almost walked into that lamppost, whew.
Oh, hang on, I smell pizza. Hey, look, there's a pizza place, lemme get a slice. ....Oh, the divorce - hang on, stop, lemme ground myself with a deep breath...there. Okay, what pizza am I gonna get?"
You see the difference there, yeah? Those thoughts still come along, but meditation is practice for stopping the obsession over those thoughts so you have better perspective on them.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:09 AM on February 25, 2024 [3 favorites]
Right, but "noticing" them and going back to the breath keeps you from pursuing those thoughts, yeah?
In fact - as you say, you have those thoughts without meditation. But the danger is that you could have those thoughts and obsess about them and get all caught up in them. Like:
"Oh God the divorce. This sucks. I'm having a divorce. And that's going to change everything and I must be a failure and oh God poor me and - ow, how did I walk into this lamppost?"
Meditation is to help you practice how to STOP following those thoughts. So instead of getting so caught up in them that you walk into a lamppost, you can be like:
"Oh God the divorce. This su- okay, hang on a second, lemme take a deep breath and ground myself a second so I don't obsess....there. Whoops, I almost walked into that lamppost, whew.
Oh, hang on, I smell pizza. Hey, look, there's a pizza place, lemme get a slice. ....Oh, the divorce - hang on, stop, lemme ground myself with a deep breath...there. Okay, what pizza am I gonna get?"
You see the difference there, yeah? Those thoughts still come along, but meditation is practice for stopping the obsession over those thoughts so you have better perspective on them.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:09 AM on February 25, 2024 [3 favorites]
I started meditating during a really stressful time at work with headspace, a little more than a decade ago. It *kinda* helped, but what kept me with it was enjoying sitting with my breath, as you describe. I did some online and in person meditation sessions (including with a Buddhist group nearby). I didn't really feel any change in my daily life from it, but it calmed me down in the moment, so was helpful. I stuck with it and figured out how to get into some interesting states, but didn't quite know what to do from there.
In the last couple years, I changed my meditation approach, moving first to Loch Kelly's style, then to Sam Harris's Waking Up app. Moving to the more non-dual approach has really opened things up for me, resonating much more off the cushion. I think that has been supported with the therapeutic modality I am working within (internal family systems), which emphasizes listening to and understanding the feelings behind thoughts, and not seeing feelings or thoughts as bad, but sorta (and I am way over simplifying) misunderstood. But, I should note, I think the years of doing vipassana helped to set me up to be successful in a non-dual approach.
To answer your question about thoughts: What happens to me, now, is that when I notice a thought, and really look at it and think about where it is coming from and what it is, like what it physically is, it now kinda evaporates. I should note that this doesn't work all the time. I still ruminate and get tied up in thoughts. But between the years of vipassana, my new work with non-dual, and therapy, in most cases the thoughts don't have the power that they used to and if I sit for a bit, they just kinda go away.
What I might recommend for you is to stick with your vipassana practice (I still do mostly that, though with more of a non-dual framing when I sit) and maybe try some other techniques to see if they resonate. If you are in therapy, I would totally recommend bringing your experiences in meditation into it, no matter the modality. Totally agree that sitting in with a teacher and a group can be a great experience and recommend SBA's Practice Circle (on-line) as a wonderfully welcoming place (they have practice tonight).
posted by chiefthe at 7:14 AM on February 25, 2024 [1 favorite]
In the last couple years, I changed my meditation approach, moving first to Loch Kelly's style, then to Sam Harris's Waking Up app. Moving to the more non-dual approach has really opened things up for me, resonating much more off the cushion. I think that has been supported with the therapeutic modality I am working within (internal family systems), which emphasizes listening to and understanding the feelings behind thoughts, and not seeing feelings or thoughts as bad, but sorta (and I am way over simplifying) misunderstood. But, I should note, I think the years of doing vipassana helped to set me up to be successful in a non-dual approach.
To answer your question about thoughts: What happens to me, now, is that when I notice a thought, and really look at it and think about where it is coming from and what it is, like what it physically is, it now kinda evaporates. I should note that this doesn't work all the time. I still ruminate and get tied up in thoughts. But between the years of vipassana, my new work with non-dual, and therapy, in most cases the thoughts don't have the power that they used to and if I sit for a bit, they just kinda go away.
What I might recommend for you is to stick with your vipassana practice (I still do mostly that, though with more of a non-dual framing when I sit) and maybe try some other techniques to see if they resonate. If you are in therapy, I would totally recommend bringing your experiences in meditation into it, no matter the modality. Totally agree that sitting in with a teacher and a group can be a great experience and recommend SBA's Practice Circle (on-line) as a wonderfully welcoming place (they have practice tonight).
posted by chiefthe at 7:14 AM on February 25, 2024 [1 favorite]
Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield have a free, 40 day mindfulness daily course that I found really great when I was in a similar place last year. Very accessible, western-style, 10 minute guided meditations to get you in the habit of daily practice. Available on their websites or the Insight Timer app.
posted by veery at 7:27 AM on February 25, 2024 [4 favorites]
posted by veery at 7:27 AM on February 25, 2024 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: Thanks chiefthe! I actually started with Sam Harris' Waking Up app, but didn't renew, and was thinking of moving to the Headspace app.
Lastly, I was using the Insight timer app on my own.
But again, my own thought renumeration was my issue. But maybe, as you noted, but sticking with it, it will get better. I am not trying to make thoughts stop or disappear; I am just trying to have them less power when I notice them, if that makes sense. Maybe I gave up on it too early? I wasn't practising for that long.
I even read Dan Harris book (which I loved) but actually got frustrated as he noticed a breakthrough of sorts while at a Joesph Goldstein meditation retreat when it was then, that he finally got it. I have never 'got' it and eventually gave up (even though I enjoyed sitting with my breath (but again, it never helped when not in that state).
posted by konaStFr at 7:35 AM on February 25, 2024
Lastly, I was using the Insight timer app on my own.
But again, my own thought renumeration was my issue. But maybe, as you noted, but sticking with it, it will get better. I am not trying to make thoughts stop or disappear; I am just trying to have them less power when I notice them, if that makes sense. Maybe I gave up on it too early? I wasn't practising for that long.
I even read Dan Harris book (which I loved) but actually got frustrated as he noticed a breakthrough of sorts while at a Joesph Goldstein meditation retreat when it was then, that he finally got it. I have never 'got' it and eventually gave up (even though I enjoyed sitting with my breath (but again, it never helped when not in that state).
posted by konaStFr at 7:35 AM on February 25, 2024
Best answer: Hi! I’ve been meditating maybe five years now fairly consistently and sometimes I feel like you do. I still get trapped in thought cycles. I still sometimes wish that I saw *more* of the benefits of meditating during the 23h45m a day when I’m NOT meditating.
However. As said well above, noticing thoughts and labeling them (« Oh, hi, divorce anxiety! It’s you again? Do we really have anything left to say to each other? » is a super useful thing in my day-to-day life that has seeped outside of the meditation. When you’ve labeled a thought or pattern for what it is, it’s hard to get as swept up in it. So many thoughts are fine to have once or twice, but, come on, on round six (as Joseph Goldstein, I believe, has said) you have to wonder: « is this useful? »
That is the No. 1 difference in my life and practicing at that is enough to keep me coming back, even if I’m imperfect at it and there might be even more that I’m missing.
posted by fruitslinger at 8:21 AM on February 25, 2024 [1 favorite]
However. As said well above, noticing thoughts and labeling them (« Oh, hi, divorce anxiety! It’s you again? Do we really have anything left to say to each other? » is a super useful thing in my day-to-day life that has seeped outside of the meditation. When you’ve labeled a thought or pattern for what it is, it’s hard to get as swept up in it. So many thoughts are fine to have once or twice, but, come on, on round six (as Joseph Goldstein, I believe, has said) you have to wonder: « is this useful? »
That is the No. 1 difference in my life and practicing at that is enough to keep me coming back, even if I’m imperfect at it and there might be even more that I’m missing.
posted by fruitslinger at 8:21 AM on February 25, 2024 [1 favorite]
I mean, you’re noticing that you’re thinking about this all the time vs just thinking about it all the time, so it sounds like progress to me.
This does all sound very normal, some guidance will help (even a therapist, maybe, if that’s easier to find and you can find one who has some experience with meditation).
Also just validating your experience that I also sometimes get in a zone where I’m frustrated by my emotions and feel like it’s all just too much and I want to not focus on them, but… you really do have to feel them and sit with them, which is part of the practice. Sometimes you just have some intense emotions and situations that are going to take a long time to get through.
posted by jeweled accumulation at 9:07 AM on February 25, 2024
This does all sound very normal, some guidance will help (even a therapist, maybe, if that’s easier to find and you can find one who has some experience with meditation).
Also just validating your experience that I also sometimes get in a zone where I’m frustrated by my emotions and feel like it’s all just too much and I want to not focus on them, but… you really do have to feel them and sit with them, which is part of the practice. Sometimes you just have some intense emotions and situations that are going to take a long time to get through.
posted by jeweled accumulation at 9:07 AM on February 25, 2024
One thing that has helped me is connecting my thoughts to my physical sensations and emotions—when I notice a thought, I don’t dismiss it and get back to my breath, but instead I follow it back to my body. Are my shoulders tense? Do I feel angry, or like crying? Is my chest tight? Increasing my awareness of how big my thoughts actually are, and of all the ways my thoughts are connected to my entire body, was the first step to being able to notice them even when engaged in normal life.
Now that I am more attuned to my full-body system, it’s a lot easier to notice a thought spiral starting and draw back from it. I don’t have to be consciously thinking about being mindful of my thoughts, because (through practice) I am subconsciously more aware of my muscles and my breathing and my emotions. When any part of the system becomes out of flow, it trips my new “hey, what’s up, take a breath, use a strategy” instinct.
(It also works in reverse—sometimes I find myself thinking something mean or uncharitable, and it trips me to realize “hey, you don’t hate them, you’re just hungry”!)
posted by CtrlAltDelete at 9:25 AM on February 25, 2024 [2 favorites]
Now that I am more attuned to my full-body system, it’s a lot easier to notice a thought spiral starting and draw back from it. I don’t have to be consciously thinking about being mindful of my thoughts, because (through practice) I am subconsciously more aware of my muscles and my breathing and my emotions. When any part of the system becomes out of flow, it trips my new “hey, what’s up, take a breath, use a strategy” instinct.
(It also works in reverse—sometimes I find myself thinking something mean or uncharitable, and it trips me to realize “hey, you don’t hate them, you’re just hungry”!)
posted by CtrlAltDelete at 9:25 AM on February 25, 2024 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I'm not sure if you'll find this comforting or reassuring - I've been meditating for about ten years, and still find my practice to be filled with thoughts. Each day is different, but that is what the mind does. I got my start with the Headspace app and then moved to Insight timer. I now sit daily for about 30 minutes.
Some things I've found helpful:
A consistent practice. I find that my meditation is more thought-filled and the mind tends to wander more if I skip a day. For a while, I would sit when it felt right as an act of caring and not being too hard on myself. Unfortunately, that period didn't feel the same on or off the cushion as when I set a simple intention to sit every day at the same time. The length of time can be important for me, too, as I find it takes a while for the mind to settle and shorter sits aren't as concentrated as longer ones. Still, any amount of time has been better than taking a break.
Joining a meditation group. I began with a few classes every year to strengthen my practice and I've been part of year long practice groups for several years. The support of other meditators really helped me to realize I'm not alone in my challenges with meditation. I'm always amazed by their wisdom when we share our experiences, and appreciate our brief daily check-ins. I meet occasionally with a teacher who further supports and encourages my meditation. Although I started out as a secular meditator, I find the Buddhist perspective to add a lot beyond the technique itself.
Sitting in retreat. This is by no means a requirement, but an extended period of meditation can help deepen your practice and/or jump start it. I began with a one day session and have since sat a few four day retreats. For me, the insights gained on retreat have carried over to my practice and daily life. Retreat has been a way to see what is possible and incorporate it at home. I recommend being gentle and choosing carefully.
Therapy. I work with an Internal Family Systems Therapist who is also comfortable talking about meditation. I've found a lot of what 'gets in the way' of meditation are unresolved difficult emotions, and that therapy and meditation can be mutually supportive. The practice has been a way for me to both care for myself and gain insights, and therapy has helped with particularly difficult sessions and given me additional tools to sit with thoughts/feelings.
Seeing it as a practice. At this point, I view meditation as something I do every day, like brushing my teeth and try (not always successfully) to evaluate how 'good' a sit has been. Progress for me has been slow, and at times emotionally difficult. Gradually, I've found that insights from meditation have carried over to daily life - my relationship to those thoughts has shifted, my relationships with others have improved, and there is more ease. I've found meditation overall very worthwhile and I can't imagine a day without it.
I hope you can begin again and find a way to meditate that works for you.
posted by Otherwise at 10:19 AM on February 25, 2024 [5 favorites]
Some things I've found helpful:
A consistent practice. I find that my meditation is more thought-filled and the mind tends to wander more if I skip a day. For a while, I would sit when it felt right as an act of caring and not being too hard on myself. Unfortunately, that period didn't feel the same on or off the cushion as when I set a simple intention to sit every day at the same time. The length of time can be important for me, too, as I find it takes a while for the mind to settle and shorter sits aren't as concentrated as longer ones. Still, any amount of time has been better than taking a break.
Joining a meditation group. I began with a few classes every year to strengthen my practice and I've been part of year long practice groups for several years. The support of other meditators really helped me to realize I'm not alone in my challenges with meditation. I'm always amazed by their wisdom when we share our experiences, and appreciate our brief daily check-ins. I meet occasionally with a teacher who further supports and encourages my meditation. Although I started out as a secular meditator, I find the Buddhist perspective to add a lot beyond the technique itself.
Sitting in retreat. This is by no means a requirement, but an extended period of meditation can help deepen your practice and/or jump start it. I began with a one day session and have since sat a few four day retreats. For me, the insights gained on retreat have carried over to my practice and daily life. Retreat has been a way to see what is possible and incorporate it at home. I recommend being gentle and choosing carefully.
Therapy. I work with an Internal Family Systems Therapist who is also comfortable talking about meditation. I've found a lot of what 'gets in the way' of meditation are unresolved difficult emotions, and that therapy and meditation can be mutually supportive. The practice has been a way for me to both care for myself and gain insights, and therapy has helped with particularly difficult sessions and given me additional tools to sit with thoughts/feelings.
Seeing it as a practice. At this point, I view meditation as something I do every day, like brushing my teeth and try (not always successfully) to evaluate how 'good' a sit has been. Progress for me has been slow, and at times emotionally difficult. Gradually, I've found that insights from meditation have carried over to daily life - my relationship to those thoughts has shifted, my relationships with others have improved, and there is more ease. I've found meditation overall very worthwhile and I can't imagine a day without it.
I hope you can begin again and find a way to meditate that works for you.
posted by Otherwise at 10:19 AM on February 25, 2024 [5 favorites]
What I've found with meditation is that progress is actually made the more I realise that one is always a beginner at meditating, and, in a way, always failing to meditate.
The more I accept the utter simplicity of this, (and I never can really accept it, but I keep moving closer) the closer I get to meditating.
It doesn't stop the rumination, but it helps me to get a bit more distance from the thoughts.
I try not to think about it in terms of progress, healing, breakthrough, or anything that makes me invalidate my earlier self as being broken, or ill, or lost.
posted by Zumbador at 10:43 AM on February 25, 2024 [5 favorites]
The more I accept the utter simplicity of this, (and I never can really accept it, but I keep moving closer) the closer I get to meditating.
It doesn't stop the rumination, but it helps me to get a bit more distance from the thoughts.
I try not to think about it in terms of progress, healing, breakthrough, or anything that makes me invalidate my earlier self as being broken, or ill, or lost.
posted by Zumbador at 10:43 AM on February 25, 2024 [5 favorites]
Why do you want to get back into it again? Maybe there is a better modality for what you are trying to achieve.
posted by unknowncommand at 11:10 AM on February 25, 2024
posted by unknowncommand at 11:10 AM on February 25, 2024
Similar to you, I meditated daily for about 4 years before I stopped understanding the point. I *did* understand that I was "doing it right" – it just didn't feel like there was a reason to do it right. It seems to me that you'll need some kind of external direction (whether through actual Buddhism or other communal discussion) in order to continue. In my opinion, once you've achieved whatever emotion/stress mitigation is possible, then you're kind of done with the self-led part of it.
posted by unknowncommand at 11:27 AM on February 25, 2024
posted by unknowncommand at 11:27 AM on February 25, 2024
Best answer: One of the best tips for beginner meditators is this: congratulate yourself when you notice a thought.
So you’re meditating
Now you’re thinking but don’t notice (daydreaming)
Then you notice whoops I’m thinking
PAUSE (don’t go back to breath right away)
FEEL GOOD (like a mental pat on the back / frisson of pride)
SLOWLY AND GENTLY GUIDE YOUR MIND BACK TO THE BREATH (don’t jerk it)
Continue meditating.
It’s so important to do it this way. It trains your subconscious that you like having your daydream interrupted to alert you that you’ve lost concentration, and like a good puppy it will want to please you so it will do it again, and sooner next time.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 6:00 PM on February 25, 2024
So you’re meditating
Now you’re thinking but don’t notice (daydreaming)
Then you notice whoops I’m thinking
PAUSE (don’t go back to breath right away)
FEEL GOOD (like a mental pat on the back / frisson of pride)
SLOWLY AND GENTLY GUIDE YOUR MIND BACK TO THE BREATH (don’t jerk it)
Continue meditating.
It’s so important to do it this way. It trains your subconscious that you like having your daydream interrupted to alert you that you’ve lost concentration, and like a good puppy it will want to please you so it will do it again, and sooner next time.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 6:00 PM on February 25, 2024
Additional tip: think of meditating like continuously steering your mind towards and object (eg the breath) the way you drive a car on a curvy road, or ride a bicycle hands free. Alertly keep steering the mind towards the object.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 6:02 PM on February 25, 2024
posted by St. Peepsburg at 6:02 PM on February 25, 2024
Lastly, though it is like 300pages long with additional 200 pages of appendix, this book is the definitive guide for getting your vipassana practice in gear. It is like a users manual for the mind. I started using it and in 3-4 months had amazing practice, it’s like a prerequisite for “how” to use your mind. Like did you know you can use your peripheral awareness to complement your narrow pointed focus? Do you know what mental aspects to be alert for to guard against distraction? This book explains it all; it comes from Buddhism but it is secular.
Note… the book explains how to meditate but is sparse on the insights that meditation reveals. It talks a lot about “gaining insight” but never explains what those insights are. That would probably be another 500 pages! Basically the book explains how to build your meditation muscle up and if you are at the point of having insights then I can give different book recommendations but you need a certain level of concentration for the insights to appear.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 6:10 PM on February 25, 2024 [1 favorite]
Note… the book explains how to meditate but is sparse on the insights that meditation reveals. It talks a lot about “gaining insight” but never explains what those insights are. That would probably be another 500 pages! Basically the book explains how to build your meditation muscle up and if you are at the point of having insights then I can give different book recommendations but you need a certain level of concentration for the insights to appear.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 6:10 PM on February 25, 2024 [1 favorite]
I did a class with one of the authors of the book St Peepsburg mentions, and it's an intimidating book, but I do recommend both the book and especially doing a class with a real teacher, in person if possible. It was a little bit weird and uncomfortable for me being in a group setting, but I learned a lot about the practice through that and was forced to take the whole thing more seriously. Almost ten years later I still think plenty during mediation, but I've accomplished the main goal for me which is a general increase in equinimity and something that helps me get through tough times. I think it's hard to get the most value without any spiritual element to your practice, and one complaint I had about working in the context of that book was a some lacking of that side of things, but there are many great teachers (Tara Brach and Jack kornfield mentioned above are both excellent) that can fill that gap.
posted by ch1x0r at 8:22 AM on February 26, 2024
posted by ch1x0r at 8:22 AM on February 26, 2024
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About your thoughts -
I would notice it, focus on breathing, and then these thoughts would continually come back (again and again)
In many ways, this is it. This is the whole business of meditation. It's a misapprehension that by meditating, we'll get to be able to switch our thoughts off. That said, I see what you're saying - what's the point, if that's not a stepping stone to trying to deal with these things better? I think maybe doing the step above - bringing the practice into the every day moments of your life - might eventually help with this. One of the ways your practice can help in every day life is that you become better at noticing what your mind does habitually, and by noticing, you then have the power to interrupt that thought and choose to respond differently. So you can perhaps interrupt a thought spiral or rumination before it gets out of hand and starts to feel true. That's one of the key skills you can start to use as a branch out from your practice into the everyday.
Have you only ever meditated alone? If you have the option to practice in a group, with a teacher, that could be really helpful. Particularly if there's a chance to take the 8 week Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction course (even if you're not stressed!), which is quite a structured way of learning. It's usually one session of a couple of hours each week for eight weeks, plus homework, so not a full-time commitment. A lot of these things are discussed, they'll have specific exercises every week to help you try and develop from just meditating into developing better tools for the everyday. There'll be a teacher there who can answer your questions about specific challenges that arise, and other students who are experiencing the same challenges as you, and sometimes vocalising challenges that you've not quite wrapped your head around yet. It's also a good way to keep up a regular practice!
posted by penguin pie at 6:44 AM on February 25, 2024 [2 favorites]