Navigating Child Safety in Roblox: Help Me!

January 22, 2024 3:23 PM

I'm concerned about my 10 year old daughter's safety on Roblox and need some advice. How do I guard her safety, especially when existing safeguards like the 'no chat' feature are circumvented via "signs" that people write and hold up in the game? What other measure can I take? She's already blocked from chatting and spending IRL money. Also, I just need an over-anxious-parent reality check.

She's a fantastic kid and we have a great relationship built on love and trust. She follows rules and earns limited screen time through a token system based on her good behavior, like doing chores and getting good grades. She's allowed a maximum of two hours per day on weekends, and none during the school week, for activities like watching PBS kids, gaming, and visiting kid-friendly websites. We don't even own a TV, so even movie watching is limited and done on the computer.

Yesterday, she came to me, frightened, because someone communicated with her in Roblox through written signs, bypassing the 'no chat' feature. This 'Tricky Adult', was trying to talk her into disabling the chat block. I have a pin code so she can't do that (I think), but the very idea they are trying shit like that scares the bejesus out of me - I didn't even know that was a THING. Thankfully, she remembered our discussions about the dangers of talking to strangers online and came to me immediately. She told me that she got scared and didn't know what to do but then remembered what I've told her, "Fear is a gift and it means something is wrong - trust your body and brain when it's telling you that something is scary." So she unfriended and immediately came to report the situation. ATTA GIRL!!! I let her know she 100% did the right thing, how incredibly proud of her I was and we had another conversation about Tricky Adults.

My initial gut reaction is to just cut her off from Roblox entirely, but I'm hesitant for a few reasons. She loves the game, and I don't want to punish her for someone else's actions. Plus, I have a VERY strict rule in my house: if she comes to me and tells me what happened when there's an "oh uh I messed up" - then there are 100% no consequences. We'll talk about it, but she won't be grounded or lose privileges - absolutely NO consequences. (Unless it's repeated behavior!) This rule encourages her to be open with me without fear of getting in trouble, which I believe is vital for her learning and for building trust between us. We ALL make mistakes - that's how we learn so there's no need to shame and blame. Will she learn more from the mistake by talking it out or by being grounded in her room? So far it's working, we'll see what happens when she becomes a teenager, lol. The upshot is that I want her to trust me with the big stuff when it comes later in life. I feel that taking away Roblox would be breaking that rule AND because she might be far more hesitant to come to me when something happens for fear of getting cut off.

So, I need a reality check. Am I being overly anxious, or are my concerns valid?

I've set up every parental control I can think of on Roblox: no chat, no spending real money, and a pin code for changing settings. But now I'm wondering if there are other settings I'm missing. Is there a way to prevent this kind of indirect communication, like through signs? Are there specific games where this is more likely to happen, and can I restrict her access to those? Are there any other circumventing tricks like the signs that I may not know about? I feel like - What do I need to know - am I missing anything?? I admit I'm not very knowledgeable about Roblox. So yeah, technically speaking, what more can I do in terms of settings to protect her?

posted by crayon to Computers & Internet (10 answers total)

I think you should trust your kid, and not do anything hasty. That teaches them that they can be trusted and that's vastly more important than any knee jerk restrictions will be beneficial.
posted by Sebmojo at 3:36 PM on January 22 [29 favorites]

You're doing what you can, and I think it's what's reasonable. Beyond that, you might as well teach her how to block and report shady players! Next time some weirdo tries to get around the chat block, she can take satisfaction in not just detecting something is off, but doing something about it. Sadly this is a crucial skill in modern online discourse.

You are right to be worried about people on Roblox by the way. I have always gotten a bad vibe from it. There are now plenty of alternatives (the new lego fortnite looks fun) so I would encourage trying those out with her friends - you could even give her a budget for skins and whatnot in those if you wanted to pry her off Roblox specifically. But that goes well beyond the premise of your question. Good luck!
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 3:42 PM on January 22 [9 favorites]

Roblox parent of many years here: You're being overly anxious and your concerns are valid. See, I look at this story and I see, well, the system worked. Some random adult DID NOT convince your kid to change her settings; the system worked. No harm will come to her from seeing a Tricky Adult in the wild, or seeing someone hold up a sign that says something rude, or etc, as long as your daughter knows not to follow the person's directions or repeat the word. Sounds as though you've got a great kid, and have done a great job preparing her for a world where there are tricky adults, but you also need to be thinking through the harms you're guarding against and calibrating your anxiety appropriately.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 3:46 PM on January 22 [46 favorites]

I think you're on the right track with letting her continue to play and continue to come to you with issues. For my kid, the issues ended up being so many that it ruined the fun and he stepped away from the game. Because it's not just tricky adults and robux scams, there were also players styled as Nazis walking into Roblox cafes and saying racist things.
posted by xo at 3:52 PM on January 22 [5 favorites]

One additional thing to add to your toolbox is to play with her. Perhaps you're using that precious screen tim to take care of other things, but if you ca give a few hours over to playing the game or watching her play the game I think that will A) give you a better handle over what's going on, B) point things out in real time that you want your daughter to b aware of, C) know exactly who needs to be reported.
posted by brookeb at 4:30 PM on January 22 [7 favorites]

You did it. Already.
posted by amtho at 4:30 PM on January 22 [4 favorites]

We are not quite as restrictive with screen time with our child (same age range); we have however banned the fuck out of Roblox because of shit like this. Developers on that platform are constantly pushing boundaries and inserting questionable shit into their games. It is extremely difficult to monitor as a parent because there are quality games on it, but not also happens to be a cesspool.

We live in a goddamn golden age of quality video games (but games are like any other media; quality is all over the map). Before we got rid of it, we had to have more than a few conversations with our kid about why he was playing the games in that ecosystem he did, and why he enjoyed them. Then we were able to find quality substitutes to “scratch the itch” as it were of each. He doesn’t seem to miss it, and has gotten much better at articulating his tastes and what he wants out of video games.

Media literacy pays off in spades.
posted by furnace.heart at 5:11 PM on January 22 [6 favorites]

Hey. Gaming parent here. I hear your concerns, and I know where they come from.

There is no way to turn off signs. A lot of games will use signs to communicate important information about the game to the player (press this button, jump here, instructions for various games).

I'll also add that the vast, vast majority of things people are going to say to her on signs are pretty innocuous - good game, let's go over here, you go left I'll go right, things like that -- communication that makes the experience of playing games online with other people better.

Your fear, of course, is that someone is going to try and approach her with the intent to harm her, and that's 100% valid.

I hate to say this, but the truth is you cannot keep her protected from ever being exposed to risk -- not online, not irl, not anywhere. What you can do (and have done) is to give her the tools that she can talk things through with someone she trusts. This is the important lesson here - how to deal with the risk when it appears, not how to keep from ever encountering risk.

And -- good news! -- as noted above - the system worked. She came and told you her concerns. She was able to identify the risk, and ask for help.

So, yeah, don't cut of Roblox if she likes it. Have her play in public spaces in the house, where you can watch her play and ask her questions and see the gameplay. And, yeah, play with her -- let her show you around, let her be the expert in this online world.

My kid is 17, and has been playing games online for ten years. He's built quite a community of friends that he's met online, runs an 80 person discord server, and has become incredibly savvy about how the online world works because it is the world he grew up using. And a big key to that was letting him run with guardrails when he was younger, making sure that he had the emotional tools and experience to help deal with trolls and weirdos and jerks online, and to block them, report them, or tune them out as needed.
posted by anastasiav at 5:18 PM on January 22 [17 favorites]

How did you determine that the sign holder was a “tricky adult”? I’ve regularly seen kids help other kids circumvent online controls ever since the AOL dial-up days. Not saying the precautions you’re taking are unreasonable; just noting that you seem like you may be jumping to conclusions in this situation.
posted by not just everyday big moggies at 7:52 PM on January 22 [3 favorites]

You had a system for this, and it worked. Your daughter did nothing "wrong," and I'm a little bit emotional that you are even framing it that way-- she acted the way you previously discussed. This is a win. Why are you even thinking about dismantling the process that functioned the way you designed it to? Also, as a practical matter, four hours of Roblox on a weekend is not a lot of time-- why don't you start spending some of your time with your daughter in the same room while she is playing Roblox? You can spend time together, she can tell you about her projects and friends there, and you can allay your concerns about what is going on. Be there for her. She loves Roblox, and I wouldn't immediately jump to taking that away from her. That just may be my 55-year-old Gen X brain remembering how gross and untrusting my own parents reactions were to Dungeons and Dragons (which was my Roblox) based on just a few sketchy and sensationalistic tabloid stories. So I've got some strong feelings and baggage around this type of thing. You love your daughter. You say you trust her. By acting the way you practiced, she has now also earned some respect from you. Give it to her. Please, I don't know you, and this is obviously about my own still unprocessed grief about the relationship I had with my parents. Nothing here is meant to be disrespectful or insulting to you, even though reading back now I can see how it can be read that way. I applaud the work you have done to have a successful outcome, and I love that you have such a close relationship with your daughter that you can talk about these things, and I'm astoundedly impressed that you prepared for this and workshopped it and it worked out just how you wanted. Kudos!
posted by seasparrow at 1:46 PM on January 23 [4 favorites]