How to meaningfully journal?
January 14, 2024 4:38 PM Subscribe
I’m going through Trying Times at the moment and have been attempting to use journaling as a way of exploring my feelings about what’s going on in my life. However I’m running into the same problems I always run into: how to remember what I need to write about from the day, and how to keep myself on track. Any tips?
I’ve become very aware over the years that it’s very easy for me to forget a bad experience — or at least to brush away how bad it felt at the time. That’s led me to keep staying in situations which weren’t great for my mental health. I’d like to use journaling as a way to keep on top of that, and capture those feelings so that I can review them later and say “oh actually that experience really sucked”.
Sometimes I’ll get to the end of the day and forget to journal because I’ve recovered fro m whatever knocked the wind out of me and gotten busy.. and I end up with no record at all. I’d love to be able to take notes for myself during the day but I’m often around others and that would raise questions I’d rather not have to answer (“why am I making a note of that mean thing you said? Because otherwise I’ll forget” sounds a lot like someone who wants to hold a grudge - which I don’t).
Also, when I journal I have a tendency to wander off the point — usually in search of the perfect metaphor for a situation. I’ve tried bullet journaling for this but it doesn’t bring as much pleasure as long-form writing does.
I’ve become very aware over the years that it’s very easy for me to forget a bad experience — or at least to brush away how bad it felt at the time. That’s led me to keep staying in situations which weren’t great for my mental health. I’d like to use journaling as a way to keep on top of that, and capture those feelings so that I can review them later and say “oh actually that experience really sucked”.
Sometimes I’ll get to the end of the day and forget to journal because I’ve recovered fro m whatever knocked the wind out of me and gotten busy.. and I end up with no record at all. I’d love to be able to take notes for myself during the day but I’m often around others and that would raise questions I’d rather not have to answer (“why am I making a note of that mean thing you said? Because otherwise I’ll forget” sounds a lot like someone who wants to hold a grudge - which I don’t).
Also, when I journal I have a tendency to wander off the point — usually in search of the perfect metaphor for a situation. I’ve tried bullet journaling for this but it doesn’t bring as much pleasure as long-form writing does.
Best answer: I did this recently and it did help me leave a bad situation. I too have the memory of a goldfish and wouldn't remember the relevant stuff by the end of the day. What worked for me was using Google docs on my phone to immediately write down when a relevant bad experience happened. Just a few words or bullet points, not a novel. I made a new note for every day (sometimes missing days when nothing much happened) so I didn't have to search for the right doc, and combined them into one document at the end of the month, which let me get an overall picture of the month. This system worked really well for me (regular daily journaling does not).
posted by randomnity at 5:34 PM on January 14 [2 favorites]
posted by randomnity at 5:34 PM on January 14 [2 favorites]
It sounds like you want to record all of the bad things that happen during the day so you can remember how many times the other people do things that upset and the details of what happened.
From a mental health perspective, I'm not sure this is really a good idea since you will be focusing all of your attention on the negative stuff - the opposite of a gratitude journal. There is lots of research to support the value of gratitude journals and also research to support the value of journalling about this that are stressing you out. But it seems to me if you can't remember it by the end of the day, maybe that is not what you really need to be journalling.
Maybe it would be more helpful at the end of the day to reflect on your relationships - both what went well and what when badly. If some people seem to evoke lots of "went badly" memories then you will start to notice, even if you don't have an exhaustive list of everything they did wrong. It also creates space to notice what goes well and with whom. Mostly people are mixed so inviting yourself to notice that might be helpful.
posted by metahawk at 5:34 PM on January 14 [9 favorites]
From a mental health perspective, I'm not sure this is really a good idea since you will be focusing all of your attention on the negative stuff - the opposite of a gratitude journal. There is lots of research to support the value of gratitude journals and also research to support the value of journalling about this that are stressing you out. But it seems to me if you can't remember it by the end of the day, maybe that is not what you really need to be journalling.
Maybe it would be more helpful at the end of the day to reflect on your relationships - both what went well and what when badly. If some people seem to evoke lots of "went badly" memories then you will start to notice, even if you don't have an exhaustive list of everything they did wrong. It also creates space to notice what goes well and with whom. Mostly people are mixed so inviting yourself to notice that might be helpful.
posted by metahawk at 5:34 PM on January 14 [9 favorites]
It's not as satisfying as long-form journaling, but the app called Journey let's me drop journal-type notes to myself any time of day, so it avoids some of the forgetting. I don't actually journal every day, just when there seems something useful to put down, but I've found having the app very useful; it's on my phone and on my computer, it's super easy to use, and the entries are automagically synchronized from either device into one journal.
posted by anadem at 6:02 PM on January 14
posted by anadem at 6:02 PM on January 14
Best answer: I’m reminded of the quote by Anne Lamott in Bird by Bird: “If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” If that’s not enough to shrug off the weirdness of whipping out a notebook mid-conversation, can you write a bit in your Notes app (or whatever note-taking mechanism is most readily available to you) as soon as you exit the conversation? A person’s gotta pee sometimes. Then that can inform your long form writing later when you have the time. Or tell a white lie about how you’re making a note in your calendar? I suffer from a similar thing and journaling has definitely helped me to leave bad relationships, record notes from therapy sessions, and kept me from returning to toxic relationships.
posted by sugarbomb at 6:58 PM on January 14 [3 favorites]
posted by sugarbomb at 6:58 PM on January 14 [3 favorites]
I have been working on a regular journal practice for a while now. That sounds so sophisticated, but I just mean it literally: I am practicing how to journal. Because I still haven't figured out how to reliably pull it off. Or at least it isn't easy to do something that looks like what people call journalling. By "a while" I mean years and years.
I've looked at a bunch of lists of prompts and watched a bunch of the yt videos about it. But I think the only thing that has seemed to me like it has the potential to work in the long run is that I make a point to write something, anything, even "I don't know what to write today" every day. Something else more useful usually follows. If it doesn't then I'll just keep sitting there and writing a few variations of that type of thing, like why I don't think I have anything to write. After that it's been rare in the last couple of months that I don't get a few more sentences that are helpful to me. It feels natural and organic.
Some other context: I write by hand in a book. No guarantee that it'll work for anyone else, but it has always been attractive to me and worked more than the digital versions, which I have also tried for extended periods. Maybe digital has too many distractions? I dunno. I also write lots of other things throughout the day in my book, to dos, random notes, responses to something I read. It's kind of bullet journal -ish, but not really. Or not strictly, and not pretty like the instagram versions. I do the threaded spreads thing. And I connect notes from one page to another by finding it again and writing the later page number in the margin and vice-versa, creating a bidirectional link. It can be ideas or working through some situations, or whatever. I review what I wrote yesterday and if I have more to say, I add it down some where in there.
Mainly I am trying to pursue what practice works for me, iterate what works for me and drop what doesn't and not stop doing that. You should do that too. Hope it helps you.
posted by garo at 8:00 PM on January 14 [1 favorite]
I've looked at a bunch of lists of prompts and watched a bunch of the yt videos about it. But I think the only thing that has seemed to me like it has the potential to work in the long run is that I make a point to write something, anything, even "I don't know what to write today" every day. Something else more useful usually follows. If it doesn't then I'll just keep sitting there and writing a few variations of that type of thing, like why I don't think I have anything to write. After that it's been rare in the last couple of months that I don't get a few more sentences that are helpful to me. It feels natural and organic.
Some other context: I write by hand in a book. No guarantee that it'll work for anyone else, but it has always been attractive to me and worked more than the digital versions, which I have also tried for extended periods. Maybe digital has too many distractions? I dunno. I also write lots of other things throughout the day in my book, to dos, random notes, responses to something I read. It's kind of bullet journal -ish, but not really. Or not strictly, and not pretty like the instagram versions. I do the threaded spreads thing. And I connect notes from one page to another by finding it again and writing the later page number in the margin and vice-versa, creating a bidirectional link. It can be ideas or working through some situations, or whatever. I review what I wrote yesterday and if I have more to say, I add it down some where in there.
Mainly I am trying to pursue what practice works for me, iterate what works for me and drop what doesn't and not stop doing that. You should do that too. Hope it helps you.
posted by garo at 8:00 PM on January 14 [1 favorite]
Myself, I write first thing while I drink my morning coffee. That helps with the habit formation, do that new habit after an existing one. I start with how I slept, what the time is, the weather outside. Then things I can remember from the day before. That's enough to kind of get momentum and then I can write about how I'm feeling, things that are on my mind more generally.
Re metahawk's concern, there is research which I'm too lazy to look up right now that suggests writing about an unpleasant event can take the sting out of memory and maybe help reanalyze it and get some distance. It works for me.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 8:31 PM on January 14
Re metahawk's concern, there is research which I'm too lazy to look up right now that suggests writing about an unpleasant event can take the sting out of memory and maybe help reanalyze it and get some distance. It works for me.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 8:31 PM on January 14
Response by poster:
For example, I can give chapter-and-verse recollections of happy times I've spent with friends and loved ones, but huge arguments that I've had with my partner will go unremembered, save for a vague sense of unpleasantness. Literally the morning after a horrible knock-down, drag-out fight I will find myself acting like it never happened, even though awful, hurtful things were said that I need to process.
For a long time I thought this was a super power: I didn't let the negative things get to me, and I was able to stay almost relentlessly positive. But I now understand that it's a coping mechanism developed thanks to some childhood trauma: life can be awful, so focus on the good stuff and let the awful stuff not matter. Unfortunately it's left me open to allowing behaviour from friends and partners that I really should have boundaries around: verbal abuse, gaslighting and general manipulation are all things that I now recognise that I've been through, and the fact that I wasn't processing red flag moments properly — instead I was just letting them go — meant that I stayed in those situations longer than I should have.
posted by six sided sock at 1:13 AM on January 15 [3 favorites]
It sounds like you want to record all of the bad things that happen during the day so you can remember how many times the other people do things that upset and the details of what happened.It's more that I don't really remember bad events at all unless they're very traumatic, but good things I can remember with ease.
For example, I can give chapter-and-verse recollections of happy times I've spent with friends and loved ones, but huge arguments that I've had with my partner will go unremembered, save for a vague sense of unpleasantness. Literally the morning after a horrible knock-down, drag-out fight I will find myself acting like it never happened, even though awful, hurtful things were said that I need to process.
For a long time I thought this was a super power: I didn't let the negative things get to me, and I was able to stay almost relentlessly positive. But I now understand that it's a coping mechanism developed thanks to some childhood trauma: life can be awful, so focus on the good stuff and let the awful stuff not matter. Unfortunately it's left me open to allowing behaviour from friends and partners that I really should have boundaries around: verbal abuse, gaslighting and general manipulation are all things that I now recognise that I've been through, and the fact that I wasn't processing red flag moments properly — instead I was just letting them go — meant that I stayed in those situations longer than I should have.
posted by six sided sock at 1:13 AM on January 15 [3 favorites]
Best answer: Does your preferred messaging app have the ability to message yourself? whether that or email, just send a quick message to yourself first. The next steps are dependent on how you do deskwork - take a moment to go over those quick notes as review and then write out a longer entry as with those notes as prompts.
If you forget about the bad stuff, that's okay, right now you just need to start a habit and physical memory of the practice, which I realised is called journalling these days, but I call it keeping a diary. A diary can be terse - it's just a personal record of whatever you prefer. If it helps, popular fictionalized diaries, your Bridget Jones, your Diary of a Wimpy Kid etc, or epistolary fiction might help you understand what would be considered a 'proper' entry, of which there is an absolute gamut of approaches and outlook.
(Bullet journalling, both the pretty and plain, is still driven by a core of efficiency and productivity. "Journalling" as it seems to be popularized, is also concerned with the end result and being a 'good writer'.) Right now, what you require, I would say, is reporting, followed by reviewing and an open-ended or reiterative process of reflecting. This is perfect for a diary.
For that reason, and also if if you're worried about privacy in those quick notes, use emojis. In fact, if you're doing physical writing, explore stickers and stamps. Right now I feel the priority is to log a thing that happened, even if you'll forget the details. That's okay! You just need to let it out first.
TL;DR
Step 1: Record - just leave a mark. if you have a calendar, leave some mark at the hour or at least date. sticker a smiley or frowney or draw them in your little notebook. Otherwise just text yourself. Especially if privacy is a concern. If you're freer, still treat it like you're doing a short telegram.
Step 2: Review to Recall - you don't even have to do this daily, but the longest I would put it is at weekly. This is at your time and pace and it's really just to add details of the incident. Don't treat this as a writing exercise. In the newsroom there's a supposed traditional difference between a reporter and a journalist. You're still in reporter mode. Just the facts.
Step 3: Reflecting. This is also where diarists differ with themselves but also how the profession journalist came to be. Now you want to draw connections, reflect on context, see if there are any lessons learned. You absolutely don't have to do it so regularly. Maybe monthly or quarterly, based on your goal.
Anyway, that just betrays how I approach keeping a diary, I do realize. The other thing I'll say is that, I think it's fine to not be regular at this. Your diary will be there for you whenever.
Most advice on journalling collapses the above steps because the ones who take to it naturally are already themselves in their own way a writer or chronicler. Some people are born to be interesting diarists, like Virginia Woolf. The spirit moving their hand to write has a much shorter distance to travel between all those steps. Some of us are more like research assistants doing ethnographic field study.
posted by cendawanita at 1:14 AM on January 15 [8 favorites]
If you forget about the bad stuff, that's okay, right now you just need to start a habit and physical memory of the practice, which I realised is called journalling these days, but I call it keeping a diary. A diary can be terse - it's just a personal record of whatever you prefer. If it helps, popular fictionalized diaries, your Bridget Jones, your Diary of a Wimpy Kid etc, or epistolary fiction might help you understand what would be considered a 'proper' entry, of which there is an absolute gamut of approaches and outlook.
(Bullet journalling, both the pretty and plain, is still driven by a core of efficiency and productivity. "Journalling" as it seems to be popularized, is also concerned with the end result and being a 'good writer'.) Right now, what you require, I would say, is reporting, followed by reviewing and an open-ended or reiterative process of reflecting. This is perfect for a diary.
For that reason, and also if if you're worried about privacy in those quick notes, use emojis. In fact, if you're doing physical writing, explore stickers and stamps. Right now I feel the priority is to log a thing that happened, even if you'll forget the details. That's okay! You just need to let it out first.
TL;DR
Step 1: Record - just leave a mark. if you have a calendar, leave some mark at the hour or at least date. sticker a smiley or frowney or draw them in your little notebook. Otherwise just text yourself. Especially if privacy is a concern. If you're freer, still treat it like you're doing a short telegram.
Step 2: Review to Recall - you don't even have to do this daily, but the longest I would put it is at weekly. This is at your time and pace and it's really just to add details of the incident. Don't treat this as a writing exercise. In the newsroom there's a supposed traditional difference between a reporter and a journalist. You're still in reporter mode. Just the facts.
Step 3: Reflecting. This is also where diarists differ with themselves but also how the profession journalist came to be. Now you want to draw connections, reflect on context, see if there are any lessons learned. You absolutely don't have to do it so regularly. Maybe monthly or quarterly, based on your goal.
Anyway, that just betrays how I approach keeping a diary, I do realize. The other thing I'll say is that, I think it's fine to not be regular at this. Your diary will be there for you whenever.
Most advice on journalling collapses the above steps because the ones who take to it naturally are already themselves in their own way a writer or chronicler. Some people are born to be interesting diarists, like Virginia Woolf. The spirit moving their hand to write has a much shorter distance to travel between all those steps. Some of us are more like research assistants doing ethnographic field study.
posted by cendawanita at 1:14 AM on January 15 [8 favorites]
Voice notes on your phone are also an option as a stopgap, either just a straight recording of you talking about whatever it is that you need to recall later or voice-to-text (which is a little annoying in its imperfection but nice because you can just read it).
posted by wormtales at 6:15 AM on January 15 [1 favorite]
posted by wormtales at 6:15 AM on January 15 [1 favorite]
I just came in to say text yourself. Get a Google Voice number that way you don't clutter up your personal text messages.
There's a really good iOS journaling app called Day One. You can text and email (I think) with the yearly subscription. It's somewhere around 45 dollars (iirc).
posted by kathrynm at 6:26 AM on January 15
There's a really good iOS journaling app called Day One. You can text and email (I think) with the yearly subscription. It's somewhere around 45 dollars (iirc).
posted by kathrynm at 6:26 AM on January 15
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I maintain a daily personal journal, and that is more of a habit-based process - every day I sit down while I'm drinking my morning tea or coffee and write for a couple pages. Sometimes I just brush on what is weighing on me, but sometimes I'll end up writing about it at length. There are no rules, just writing more as a practice/habit. I've been doing this most of my adult life and I feel itchy if I go more than a few days without writing at least something.
Then there is journaling with a script/prompts. I do this on a weekly basis for work. This can be useful for going back and comparing your progress on various things. I started the practice when I was salaried, and have kept it as I've moved to self-employment. Each Friday afternoon (so I guess this is also a habit-based process for me), I sit down and write a few sentences or phrases to the same four prompts:
*What went well this week
*What was challenging this week
*What I want to try next week
*What I'm looking forward to next week
The last two are really key for helping me stay action-oriented, and are often an early warning system if I am struggling to answer the last question.
posted by mostly vowels at 4:46 PM on January 14 [8 favorites]