My kid has ADHD, and (s)he is great at ____ (activities or sports)
January 11, 2024 3:55 PM Subscribe
My 6 year old has ADHD (combined). He loves trying all activities and sports, but for various reasons (see inside), we have not been able to stick with any of them. I realize every kid is different, but I'd love to hear about extracurricular activities that your kid with ADHD (or you with ADHD) really enjoys and has stuck with.
He gets frustrated very easily (a lot of "I can't! I can't!") so we would love to find activities that he would succeed at, activities that would give him confidence. I know that he is only 6. I am not expecting him to be an athlete or to find his calling in life now. But I do know that kids his age are capable of playing sports and doing other activities. And he does enjoy pretty much all of them, so we want to keep trying.
I'm looking for various activities to try throughout the year, especially ones that you believe your kid succeeded at because of their ADHD diagnosis and the personality traits that often come with that. Or simply activities that are suitable for those who get distracted easily.
Let's all please trust that we are not pushing him too much, we're not tiger parents or stage parents or helicopter parents, and we are not overwhelming him with too many activities at once.
Here's what we've tried over the years:
Gymnastics: He loves jumping around on the trampoline, but TERRIBLE at following instructions because he is too excited and ends up being a hazard to other kids. Complains that it's "too hard" when asked to do something other than jumping on the trampoline. Went for a year, then we decided to try something else for a while.
Flag football (geared specifically for kindergarteners who are not expected to know how to play football): He just walked off the field so many times because he saw something that got his attention. We went for one "season" of 6 games and never signed him up again.
Basketball / ball sports: Gets super discouraged because he can't catch or throw (even with a junior-height hoop), gets upset quickly and doesn't want to try.
Swimming: Completely ignores coaches in group classes. Whines about it being "too hard" in private lessons and he asks for a break after every attempt. This is something we'll continue for safety reasons, but it's definitely not "his thing."
Soccer: He LOVES actually dribbling with the ball, it's a very special moment where I can see he is completely concentrated on something (happens rarely with anything else). But he cannot wait his turn while doing drills so ends up ruining it for others by kicking their ball, rolling around on the floor, etc, so I'm not sure we should continue. He doesn't really love kicking the ball around with his parents.
Rock climbing: He says "it's too hard." And he gets scared when he is even a little off the ground, so we stopped after a few attempts.
Board games: We play them at home. We love the Magic Labyrinth (because his memory is amazing) and Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza (fast-paced and funny). He loves chess. I believe it's because he feels proud of learning the way all the pieces move and feels a sense of accomplishment when he plays with his dad. Other game recommendations?
Musical theater: He actually does OK at this. Yes, he gets distracted with his costume and props and stops following the choreography, but he was the ONLY kid in his group who was actually able to memorize his lines and say them with feeling instead of muttering. I was very impressed and surprised, and he enjoyed it. We signed up for it again.
Music lessons: I taught him a few very simple songs on piano. He memorized them quickly. We're looking into music lessons, but I know he doesn't like to actually practice over and over (what kid does, lol).
Coloring/drawing: He never liked this. But he also said he wants to go to art class. We'll try it one day if we find one near us.
Hiking: Loves it. We go when we can. But we'd still like him to learn how to do group activities and follow instructions, etc.
He gets frustrated very easily (a lot of "I can't! I can't!") so we would love to find activities that he would succeed at, activities that would give him confidence. I know that he is only 6. I am not expecting him to be an athlete or to find his calling in life now. But I do know that kids his age are capable of playing sports and doing other activities. And he does enjoy pretty much all of them, so we want to keep trying.
I'm looking for various activities to try throughout the year, especially ones that you believe your kid succeeded at because of their ADHD diagnosis and the personality traits that often come with that. Or simply activities that are suitable for those who get distracted easily.
Let's all please trust that we are not pushing him too much, we're not tiger parents or stage parents or helicopter parents, and we are not overwhelming him with too many activities at once.
Here's what we've tried over the years:
Gymnastics: He loves jumping around on the trampoline, but TERRIBLE at following instructions because he is too excited and ends up being a hazard to other kids. Complains that it's "too hard" when asked to do something other than jumping on the trampoline. Went for a year, then we decided to try something else for a while.
Flag football (geared specifically for kindergarteners who are not expected to know how to play football): He just walked off the field so many times because he saw something that got his attention. We went for one "season" of 6 games and never signed him up again.
Basketball / ball sports: Gets super discouraged because he can't catch or throw (even with a junior-height hoop), gets upset quickly and doesn't want to try.
Swimming: Completely ignores coaches in group classes. Whines about it being "too hard" in private lessons and he asks for a break after every attempt. This is something we'll continue for safety reasons, but it's definitely not "his thing."
Soccer: He LOVES actually dribbling with the ball, it's a very special moment where I can see he is completely concentrated on something (happens rarely with anything else). But he cannot wait his turn while doing drills so ends up ruining it for others by kicking their ball, rolling around on the floor, etc, so I'm not sure we should continue. He doesn't really love kicking the ball around with his parents.
Rock climbing: He says "it's too hard." And he gets scared when he is even a little off the ground, so we stopped after a few attempts.
Board games: We play them at home. We love the Magic Labyrinth (because his memory is amazing) and Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza (fast-paced and funny). He loves chess. I believe it's because he feels proud of learning the way all the pieces move and feels a sense of accomplishment when he plays with his dad. Other game recommendations?
Musical theater: He actually does OK at this. Yes, he gets distracted with his costume and props and stops following the choreography, but he was the ONLY kid in his group who was actually able to memorize his lines and say them with feeling instead of muttering. I was very impressed and surprised, and he enjoyed it. We signed up for it again.
Music lessons: I taught him a few very simple songs on piano. He memorized them quickly. We're looking into music lessons, but I know he doesn't like to actually practice over and over (what kid does, lol).
Coloring/drawing: He never liked this. But he also said he wants to go to art class. We'll try it one day if we find one near us.
Hiking: Loves it. We go when we can. But we'd still like him to learn how to do group activities and follow instructions, etc.
The ONLY sport that clicked with our son, who was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder at age 4 and ADHD at 6 was Taekwondo. The right dojo can be really empowering and amazing. His instructors were very patient with his floppiness and constant movement and he was able to progress at his own speed.
He started when he was around 6/7 and stayed with it until high school.
posted by cooker girl at 4:04 PM on January 11 [5 favorites]
He started when he was around 6/7 and stayed with it until high school.
posted by cooker girl at 4:04 PM on January 11 [5 favorites]
I'm sorry, but I can't simply take you at your word that you're not overwhelming him with too many activities. His being that quick to frustration reminds me of me at that age, and I was beyond overwhelmed. My parents were not tiger/stage/helicopter parents, and I trust that you aren't, either - they were very easygoing about activities and only wanted me to enjoy myself.
Still, school alone was way too much for me at that age (and I still couldn't handle it if I went now, in my 30s). I need a lot more rest, relaxation, and unstructured time than most people in our culture consider acceptable. You've signed him up for musical theater again, he's in soccer, you're looking into music lessons, does he really need more structured activity? I think kids these days get way too much of that and not enough free play with other kids.
posted by wheatlets at 4:05 PM on January 11 [23 favorites]
Still, school alone was way too much for me at that age (and I still couldn't handle it if I went now, in my 30s). I need a lot more rest, relaxation, and unstructured time than most people in our culture consider acceptable. You've signed him up for musical theater again, he's in soccer, you're looking into music lessons, does he really need more structured activity? I think kids these days get way too much of that and not enough free play with other kids.
posted by wheatlets at 4:05 PM on January 11 [23 favorites]
Baseball. Extreme focus interspersed with just standing around.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 4:11 PM on January 11
posted by St. Peepsburg at 4:11 PM on January 11
Making music, but not with lessons - with like, a xylophone or keyboard or synth application so they can play and create whatever. YouTube videos or you can help them find the right level video if they struggle, when they want to know how to do something they can't figure out.
posted by Lady Li at 4:14 PM on January 11 [1 favorite]
posted by Lady Li at 4:14 PM on January 11 [1 favorite]
Look for a local forest school. Basically supervised hiking that is child-led.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 4:22 PM on January 11 [3 favorites]
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 4:22 PM on January 11 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: Scouts, music making are things I wouldn't have thought of. I'm glad I asked!
And again, please trust that we are not overwhelming him. 2 hours a week of structured activities, one on a saturday and one on a weekday, is not too much. Unstructured time, especially in the winter when we are home instead of the park, often involves being (nicely) reprimanded and reminded not to jump on the couches, not to run into walls, not to throw toys around (he already broke our tv) so an hour of structured physical activity is helpful for everyone. He used to go to OT and therapy and those healthcare professionals also recommended extracurricular activities.
posted by dabadoo at 4:27 PM on January 11
And again, please trust that we are not overwhelming him. 2 hours a week of structured activities, one on a saturday and one on a weekday, is not too much. Unstructured time, especially in the winter when we are home instead of the park, often involves being (nicely) reprimanded and reminded not to jump on the couches, not to run into walls, not to throw toys around (he already broke our tv) so an hour of structured physical activity is helpful for everyone. He used to go to OT and therapy and those healthcare professionals also recommended extracurricular activities.
posted by dabadoo at 4:27 PM on January 11
My ADHD sibling really loved racquetball at our local YMCA. Our parent taught him, and my sibling would spend hours either playing with others or just in the court alone, whacking the ball around.
posted by minervous at 4:28 PM on January 11
posted by minervous at 4:28 PM on January 11
I have a kid with ADHD.
For those who talk about overwhelming him... I needed to have my kid in back to back gym classes just so he could sleep. Sometimes they LIKE to do a lot of things.
My kid loved Munchkin for a board game at his age. He started at 4 and probably learned to read from it. We still like it! We played D & D. He loved learning about every thing in all the manuals and loved being really knowledgeable about it. He runs campaigns with his friends now. (These things were great for reading)
He likes piano lessons. I never got on him about practicing but he's really enjoyed the lessons.
If you were me I would dump money and do private classes for soccer if he can't handle the team stuff yet. I let my kid get out of it because of similar issues, and now I really regret him not having that team experience. He really could have used it. Your son will get MUCH better at following directions. Keep his skills high so when he does get into it in 2 or 3 grade he can be at their level.
He's a little young for it, but fencing is awesome and what my kid landed on for his sport.
posted by beccaj at 4:30 PM on January 11 [1 favorite]
For those who talk about overwhelming him... I needed to have my kid in back to back gym classes just so he could sleep. Sometimes they LIKE to do a lot of things.
My kid loved Munchkin for a board game at his age. He started at 4 and probably learned to read from it. We still like it! We played D & D. He loved learning about every thing in all the manuals and loved being really knowledgeable about it. He runs campaigns with his friends now. (These things were great for reading)
He likes piano lessons. I never got on him about practicing but he's really enjoyed the lessons.
If you were me I would dump money and do private classes for soccer if he can't handle the team stuff yet. I let my kid get out of it because of similar issues, and now I really regret him not having that team experience. He really could have used it. Your son will get MUCH better at following directions. Keep his skills high so when he does get into it in 2 or 3 grade he can be at their level.
He's a little young for it, but fencing is awesome and what my kid landed on for his sport.
posted by beccaj at 4:30 PM on January 11 [1 favorite]
The little (2nd grade) down the street with ADHD noped out of soccer and t-ball. LOVES wrestling. Also riding bikes/50cc dirt bikes. (I am not a parent, but am friends with the adults in the household).
posted by sara is disenchanted at 4:36 PM on January 11
posted by sara is disenchanted at 4:36 PM on January 11
Tennis worked for our 13 yr old (after trying 10 other sports), and supported strongly by daughter's counsellor. That said we combined it with mild medication. Apparently the single minded focus on a ball crossing the net is something the ADHDer can latch onto easier than other sports.
Best of luck!
posted by lapsang at 4:40 PM on January 11 [2 favorites]
Best of luck!
posted by lapsang at 4:40 PM on January 11 [2 favorites]
And for home? If you have room - the only way he could watch a movie with us was running on the treadmill. It also helped him read.
He loved his full sized trampoline and smaller one in the house. With Very little room? I'd look in to a couple balance boards.
posted by beccaj at 4:50 PM on January 11 [1 favorite]
He loved his full sized trampoline and smaller one in the house. With Very little room? I'd look in to a couple balance boards.
posted by beccaj at 4:50 PM on January 11 [1 favorite]
I know an adult who is very very ADHD and he still to this day plays soccer obsessively. He has mentioned that he played a ton with friends in the neighborhood and now mostly does pickup instead of adult recreation league. So maybe if you can find less structured physical activity with some other kids (more fun than parents, not structured like drills).
posted by sepviva at 4:50 PM on January 11
posted by sepviva at 4:50 PM on January 11
Parent of an ADHD son who is now a college freshman. He took to both rowing and drum lessons after so many failed tries at other activities (fencing, track and field, tae kwon do, soccer, musical theater, art classes). I think there was something both focused and soothing but not overly cognitively taxing but not too easy about the kind of patterned repetitions both activities entail.
posted by pinkacademic at 5:01 PM on January 11 [2 favorites]
posted by pinkacademic at 5:01 PM on January 11 [2 favorites]
What would you think about finding him something with more emphasis on just playing rather than learning to do the sport? Specifically, I'm thinking about swimming. My ADHD kid could swim for ages when it was playing with friends, and it burns energy like nothing else. They did a few basic lessons, but mostly just for survival basics. Do you ever just get in the pool with him and play? You can stay in a shallow area or use whatever are the floaty-type devices kids use nowadays.
Similarly, playing soccer with a few other kids -- kicking the ball around -- is a lot more fun than drills. You said he likes to dribble. So, make that the game. If he doesn't want to play with you all, can you find a way to get some other kids to a semi-structured soccer play time each week?
I'm also noting that he's not super into the team sports aspect. My kid, at an older age, really enjoyed jijitsu, so I agree that a martial arts may be worth it.
It sounds like he does like the trampoline but that doesn't fit into the gymnastics class. Does the gym offer a trampoline bouncing time or something?
posted by bluedaisy at 5:02 PM on January 11 [1 favorite]
Similarly, playing soccer with a few other kids -- kicking the ball around -- is a lot more fun than drills. You said he likes to dribble. So, make that the game. If he doesn't want to play with you all, can you find a way to get some other kids to a semi-structured soccer play time each week?
I'm also noting that he's not super into the team sports aspect. My kid, at an older age, really enjoyed jijitsu, so I agree that a martial arts may be worth it.
It sounds like he does like the trampoline but that doesn't fit into the gymnastics class. Does the gym offer a trampoline bouncing time or something?
posted by bluedaisy at 5:02 PM on January 11 [1 favorite]
I have ADHD and know other ADHD adults and children who like ice skating. It's great for kids who don't want to practice skills because when you're first learning, any kind of being on skates is practice. Going really fast? Practice. Chasing your friend? Practice. Falling down on purpose? Believe it or not, practice. There's very little taking turns or waiting around (something I struggled with too). It uses your whole body, which IMO is good for ADHD folks. He will have to listen to the coach -- does he have a buddy who'd want to learn? Sometimes kids are more successful when they're with a peer that the kid likes and who can do the deficit task (listening to coach or whatever).
And seconding tennis, FOR SURE. My brain never feels as good as it does while I'm playing tennis. It's another whole-body activity, you get to hit stuff and run around, and at the end of the day you're really just focusing on the one thing (as lapsang said, getting the ball over the net).
(FWIW I also hated team sports as a kid. Now I attribute this to some rejection-sensitive dysphoria, which is super common among ADHD kids. I wasn't a talented athlete and feeling like/worrying that the other kids on the team were judging me or thought I was bringing the team down was really disproportionately distressing to me. Idk if that's what's going on with your kid, but something to consider. I spend many hours a week doing individual sports as an adult, and I wish there'd been more emphasis on those when I was little.)
posted by goodbyewaffles at 5:04 PM on January 11 [3 favorites]
And seconding tennis, FOR SURE. My brain never feels as good as it does while I'm playing tennis. It's another whole-body activity, you get to hit stuff and run around, and at the end of the day you're really just focusing on the one thing (as lapsang said, getting the ball over the net).
(FWIW I also hated team sports as a kid. Now I attribute this to some rejection-sensitive dysphoria, which is super common among ADHD kids. I wasn't a talented athlete and feeling like/worrying that the other kids on the team were judging me or thought I was bringing the team down was really disproportionately distressing to me. Idk if that's what's going on with your kid, but something to consider. I spend many hours a week doing individual sports as an adult, and I wish there'd been more emphasis on those when I was little.)
posted by goodbyewaffles at 5:04 PM on January 11 [3 favorites]
Dance. Different styles of dance tend towards different atmospheres for kid classes, for example probably avoid ballet. But tap would integrate into any musical theater stuff, pop or break dancing would be really high energy, jazz might offer loads of variety. Listening to the music might also help him stay a little more focused, too.
posted by Mizu at 5:28 PM on January 11 [3 favorites]
posted by Mizu at 5:28 PM on January 11 [3 favorites]
We have a 7 year old who is some flavor of not neurotypical (still in the slow process of tracking down a diagnosis) who has also tried and noped out of a few group sports after initial enthusiasm. One thing which he loves and asks to do frequently is Cosmic Kids Yoga, which is a mashup of stretching, exercise, and acting that he finds very compelling. He enjoys creating his own dance routines at home as well, and will ask to watch dance related music videos for inspiration.
His older siblings when younger were also not group sport compatible, so we used to take them out to parks with large circular paved tracks that we could watch from a central location and let them bike or scooter around and around indefinitely. Also we had an obsessively used trampoline at home.
posted by Wavelet at 5:33 PM on January 11
His older siblings when younger were also not group sport compatible, so we used to take them out to parks with large circular paved tracks that we could watch from a central location and let them bike or scooter around and around indefinitely. Also we had an obsessively used trampoline at home.
posted by Wavelet at 5:33 PM on January 11
Caveat: I'm not a kid, and I don't have kids. But I am very ADHD. Everyone's different, but personally, some things I enjoy include enjoy martial arts, building stuff/making 3D art, and swimming.
I swam competitively, which it sounds like he doesn't enjoy, but I didn't start that til I was 9 anyway -- and even as a grownup my favorite thing is really just unstructured swimming time enjoying my body in the water. As a kid I didn't often build stuff unless someone was helping me (maybe because of fear of failure/breaking something? maybe because it required too much planning?), but in a supportive environment I really loved it. I also loved having a microscope so I could look at pond water, blood (uh, thanks, Dad!), and other weird random things we put on slides to investigate, as well as prepared slides my parents bought. Idea maybe for the future: a HUGE hit for me in late elementary or middle school was a dissection class at the aquarium called Blood and Guts (later followed by Blood and Guts II).
I get the vibe from your kiddo that he enjoys exploring, as well as making stuff and being creative (art! musical theater!), and that he really dislikes team sports. I also get the vibe he might be experiencing some rejection sensitivity dysphoria from his ADHD (more on that below).
What about percussion for music lessons? That's super kinetic, might be fun for him! I think I would have enjoyed drums as a kiddo.
Musical theater sounds like it's already been a huge hit, so definitely keep leaning into that! For art, if he doesn't like drawing, what about sculpture or 3D art classes, like clay, mobiles, woodworking (if he can do it safely? I have no idea, I don't have kids), that kind of thing? I am a very spatial person and interacting hands-on with 3D projects definitely interests me much more than drawing. Maybe he can help make props for his musical theater performance?
Seconding the idea of exploratory swimming -- having the basics down for safety, and then just enjoying the water. Do you have anywhere safe you can open water swim together? That might combine the interest in exploring/hiking and also spark more joy with swimming. "Snorkeling" in a shallow area of a pond or lake can be really fun -- you can find a whole different world of rocks, snails, little fish, frogs, lilypads, underwater plants, and other wonders. This can 100% be without an actual snorkel if that's too hard or frustrating to use -- it's just swimming with the goal of looking at stuff. You can look at pictures later if he's interested in IDing what he saw, or just enjoy the moment, assuming he's okay with putting his face in the water. A mask (prepped well so it doesn't fog up) or really good, wide-view googles help make it more fun and easier to see all the neat plants and animals and rocks!
Other random ideas: archery? Wilderness-type classes for kiddos identifying nature stuff and exploring and learning how to build a shelter out of sticks and leaves, build a fire, that kind of thing?
Also seconding that there is likely also some RSD going on -- maybe these links will give insight on how to explore that / help with that? I remember as a kid sobbing hysterically if my dad gave me a math problem for fun and I couldn't figure it out (I would get an M&M for each arithmetic problem I solved). There was no pressure from my dad, but I just couldn't stand failing, it felt too viscerally terrible. (I personally find my RSD *much* less of an issue now that I'm finally on good medication as an adult, but I was diagnosed late and have no idea about meds for kids.) I sorta wish someone had tried to help me with my RSD sooner, it was really difficult, but nobody really knew what it was. Maybe something in here will resonate with you and be helpful for him.
posted by cnidaria at 5:44 PM on January 11 [4 favorites]
I swam competitively, which it sounds like he doesn't enjoy, but I didn't start that til I was 9 anyway -- and even as a grownup my favorite thing is really just unstructured swimming time enjoying my body in the water. As a kid I didn't often build stuff unless someone was helping me (maybe because of fear of failure/breaking something? maybe because it required too much planning?), but in a supportive environment I really loved it. I also loved having a microscope so I could look at pond water, blood (uh, thanks, Dad!), and other weird random things we put on slides to investigate, as well as prepared slides my parents bought. Idea maybe for the future: a HUGE hit for me in late elementary or middle school was a dissection class at the aquarium called Blood and Guts (later followed by Blood and Guts II).
I get the vibe from your kiddo that he enjoys exploring, as well as making stuff and being creative (art! musical theater!), and that he really dislikes team sports. I also get the vibe he might be experiencing some rejection sensitivity dysphoria from his ADHD (more on that below).
What about percussion for music lessons? That's super kinetic, might be fun for him! I think I would have enjoyed drums as a kiddo.
Musical theater sounds like it's already been a huge hit, so definitely keep leaning into that! For art, if he doesn't like drawing, what about sculpture or 3D art classes, like clay, mobiles, woodworking (if he can do it safely? I have no idea, I don't have kids), that kind of thing? I am a very spatial person and interacting hands-on with 3D projects definitely interests me much more than drawing. Maybe he can help make props for his musical theater performance?
Seconding the idea of exploratory swimming -- having the basics down for safety, and then just enjoying the water. Do you have anywhere safe you can open water swim together? That might combine the interest in exploring/hiking and also spark more joy with swimming. "Snorkeling" in a shallow area of a pond or lake can be really fun -- you can find a whole different world of rocks, snails, little fish, frogs, lilypads, underwater plants, and other wonders. This can 100% be without an actual snorkel if that's too hard or frustrating to use -- it's just swimming with the goal of looking at stuff. You can look at pictures later if he's interested in IDing what he saw, or just enjoy the moment, assuming he's okay with putting his face in the water. A mask (prepped well so it doesn't fog up) or really good, wide-view googles help make it more fun and easier to see all the neat plants and animals and rocks!
Other random ideas: archery? Wilderness-type classes for kiddos identifying nature stuff and exploring and learning how to build a shelter out of sticks and leaves, build a fire, that kind of thing?
Also seconding that there is likely also some RSD going on -- maybe these links will give insight on how to explore that / help with that? I remember as a kid sobbing hysterically if my dad gave me a math problem for fun and I couldn't figure it out (I would get an M&M for each arithmetic problem I solved). There was no pressure from my dad, but I just couldn't stand failing, it felt too viscerally terrible. (I personally find my RSD *much* less of an issue now that I'm finally on good medication as an adult, but I was diagnosed late and have no idea about meds for kids.) I sorta wish someone had tried to help me with my RSD sooner, it was really difficult, but nobody really knew what it was. Maybe something in here will resonate with you and be helpful for him.
posted by cnidaria at 5:44 PM on January 11 [4 favorites]
My likely ADHD kid couldn't focus on soccer at all; too much going on. Baseball was also too boring for him. But tae kwon do has been excellent for him, both as exercise and as a way of developing discipline.
And we are basically at a point where it's clear the only traditional sport he'll take to is one where they tell him " do this" and he just goes. So we're doing fairly strict swimming lessons now so he'll be able to join a low key team later on. I think track would also probably work for him. Also not tiger parents but we need the break and he needs the structure.
posted by luckdragon at 6:00 PM on January 11
And we are basically at a point where it's clear the only traditional sport he'll take to is one where they tell him " do this" and he just goes. So we're doing fairly strict swimming lessons now so he'll be able to join a low key team later on. I think track would also probably work for him. Also not tiger parents but we need the break and he needs the structure.
posted by luckdragon at 6:00 PM on January 11
Game recommendations - Sleeping Queens, Kingdomino, Pokemon Battle Academy.
posted by Kriesa at 6:56 PM on January 11
posted by Kriesa at 6:56 PM on January 11
Baseball. Extreme focus interspersed with just standing around.
This is also youth soccer which I very much did not enjoy as a not very athletic coordinated ADHD kid.
My advice is let him do what he expresses an interest in and enjoys and stop yanking him out of those activities because he's not hitting whatever mark is expected, isn't a natural, doesn't concentrate.
I was like this and what happened is that increasingly the enrichment I was 'failing to make the most of' or 'didn't care enough about' was replaced with therapists and tutors and other remedial regimens; and the fun was sucked out of my life while my sister did ballet and rode ponies.
I'm still pretty bitter about it. Don't do that to your kid.
What will help him in the future, when the going gets tough in school, is to keep at something he actively enjoys to learn how to overcome those blocks. Rather than just repeating the initial collapse in one thing after another and then abandoning it. Which is traumatizing, and will lead him to internalize that and expect it from himself.
posted by snuffleupagus at 7:02 PM on January 11 [7 favorites]
This is also youth soccer which I very much did not enjoy as a not very athletic coordinated ADHD kid.
My advice is let him do what he expresses an interest in and enjoys and stop yanking him out of those activities because he's not hitting whatever mark is expected, isn't a natural, doesn't concentrate.
I was like this and what happened is that increasingly the enrichment I was 'failing to make the most of' or 'didn't care enough about' was replaced with therapists and tutors and other remedial regimens; and the fun was sucked out of my life while my sister did ballet and rode ponies.
I'm still pretty bitter about it. Don't do that to your kid.
What will help him in the future, when the going gets tough in school, is to keep at something he actively enjoys to learn how to overcome those blocks. Rather than just repeating the initial collapse in one thing after another and then abandoning it. Which is traumatizing, and will lead him to internalize that and expect it from himself.
posted by snuffleupagus at 7:02 PM on January 11 [7 favorites]
I can't tell if that's actually happening, but it seems like maybe with some of this stuff he'd be happy to keep going, but he's not good enough at it, or you're not satisfied with his 'progress' at it. Stop caring about that, if so.
Also, seconding cnidaria on RSD.
posted by snuffleupagus at 7:15 PM on January 11 [1 favorite]
Also, seconding cnidaria on RSD.
posted by snuffleupagus at 7:15 PM on January 11 [1 favorite]
We would play a made up, easy game with pickle ball paddles and pickle ball that we called “tap-tap-pass,” which is played as it sounds. Sometimes we would count how many consecutive passes we made, but mostly not.
For organized sports, we tried to ask and listen, but required child to complete the season if they started it. Usually, if child wanted to do it (and knew enough about what they were agreeing to), then they enjoyed it enough. Our goal was just for child to be active, so changing now and again was ok with us.
At around 10, child developed a longer term interest in volleyball that has continued for a few years.
Agree with the advice to listen and support child’s interests.
Child also likes those trampoline park places, especially with a friend or two to play with, swimming with friends, and generally playing with friends (tag, etc.).
On reflection, child had a hard time with self control until 9-10 years old and I don’t think there was anything we could have done to accelerate that. We might have made our lives harder by putting child in situations where self control was expected before child was able, thus depleting child’s energy to exercise self control at home.
posted by bruinfan at 7:32 PM on January 11
For organized sports, we tried to ask and listen, but required child to complete the season if they started it. Usually, if child wanted to do it (and knew enough about what they were agreeing to), then they enjoyed it enough. Our goal was just for child to be active, so changing now and again was ok with us.
At around 10, child developed a longer term interest in volleyball that has continued for a few years.
Agree with the advice to listen and support child’s interests.
Child also likes those trampoline park places, especially with a friend or two to play with, swimming with friends, and generally playing with friends (tag, etc.).
On reflection, child had a hard time with self control until 9-10 years old and I don’t think there was anything we could have done to accelerate that. We might have made our lives harder by putting child in situations where self control was expected before child was able, thus depleting child’s energy to exercise self control at home.
posted by bruinfan at 7:32 PM on January 11
My ADHD 8yo sounds a lot like yours - we likewise cycle through extracurriculars and it's HOORAY SO FUN for like the first one or two sessions, then the novelty starts to wear off and it is borrrring and I don't wanna gooooo and it's haaaaard. He's not a naturally athletic kid, so sports have an extra barrier.
You mentioned gymnastics; my son is doing that but it's specifically "Ninja Class" through a gymnastics studio. There's a LOT of activity and variety: movement drills, obstacle courses, climbing wall, trampolines, foam pit, learning somersaults and flips on giant mats. It's the one extracurricular we've found so far where he's pretty excited to go, he's happy when he's there, and he's managed to stick with it without one request to quit for at least 3, 4 months now. "Ninja" or "Ninja warrior" seems to be the magic keyword for this type of class, so if you tried a more traditional gymnastics course before, see if ninja is more his speed.
My kid also ADORES pinball; his grandparents own a pinball machine so he gets a lot of practice and is fairly good at it. It really plays to ADHD's strengths - holds his attention, very active and exciting with lights and sounds and movement, immediate feedback, requires quick reflexes. I've thought about looking for a local pinball league that accepts youth players but league nights seem to run a little late for his schedule. But something to look into around you, maybe.
posted by castlebravo at 8:58 PM on January 11
You mentioned gymnastics; my son is doing that but it's specifically "Ninja Class" through a gymnastics studio. There's a LOT of activity and variety: movement drills, obstacle courses, climbing wall, trampolines, foam pit, learning somersaults and flips on giant mats. It's the one extracurricular we've found so far where he's pretty excited to go, he's happy when he's there, and he's managed to stick with it without one request to quit for at least 3, 4 months now. "Ninja" or "Ninja warrior" seems to be the magic keyword for this type of class, so if you tried a more traditional gymnastics course before, see if ninja is more his speed.
My kid also ADORES pinball; his grandparents own a pinball machine so he gets a lot of practice and is fairly good at it. It really plays to ADHD's strengths - holds his attention, very active and exciting with lights and sounds and movement, immediate feedback, requires quick reflexes. I've thought about looking for a local pinball league that accepts youth players but league nights seem to run a little late for his schedule. But something to look into around you, maybe.
posted by castlebravo at 8:58 PM on January 11
That age is tough - having raised through adulthood a couple of ADHD kids, I'd say that at least part of the TRY EVERYTHING is the age. It (should) settle a little bit into at least some interested that are stronger and more attention-holding. Hyper-focus is a real thing, and when you find those activities, feed them, if you can.
I'm currently raising the (probably also ADHD) 5yo female child of my 25yo VERY-very-very-most-ADHD child. We've found a non-profit children's theatre that does an excellent job with high-energy, high-movement kiddos during classes and camps. We're looking into dance and (maybe) gymnastics, but $$$ is an issue. We'll be doing swim lessons, because they're relatively short lessons, for a minimum commitment of a couple weeks at a time, and she's already got the early basics down through family lessons.
Her father was a "butterfly" who flitted from activity to activity, much like she does. Scouts worked well when he started around age 11. Soccer, which he did during grade school, was so-so - fine for a casual community ed league, lacking the commitment for serious leagues. Swim lessons - of which we did a couple (homeschool, so during day and less distractions) sets a year, once or twice weekly for 2-3 months, worked really well during late elementary through high school.
Crazily enough, the things that really stood out when I thought about what he thrived on were really varied. Skateboarding was his lifeblood, his thinking time, his calming down, and his energy sink from the start of middle school on. He could skate solidly for 2-3 hours at a time, and did so daily. Also, we're a family of avid readers. When he found a series he liked, he'd devour it. And much like many ADHD, video games held his attention.
However, he's not a creator, in that he doesn't seem to have hobbies that are arts and crafts. He enjoys them, but in short increments, and usually when someone else suggests them. (His daughter is different in that regard - she wants to do them, but still lacks the patience to do them consistently to completion.) There's an exception here, though - he went through a phase where dance was his thing, and he flits in and out of music. Singing and digital music are his thing; he flirts with guitar, but won't commit to really learning it. And still, he goes through active and totally inactive phases.
I guess there are threads in this, themes that make it more likely to work, if you will?
Active, especially energy-sinks. Movement.
Individual, or at least not reliant on a team - and not having a team reliant on him.
Self-paced and flexibly-paced, when possible.
Oh, and consistency. Habits mattered, and could impact how well it did.
posted by stormyteal at 11:31 PM on January 11 [1 favorite]
I'm currently raising the (probably also ADHD) 5yo female child of my 25yo VERY-very-very-most-ADHD child. We've found a non-profit children's theatre that does an excellent job with high-energy, high-movement kiddos during classes and camps. We're looking into dance and (maybe) gymnastics, but $$$ is an issue. We'll be doing swim lessons, because they're relatively short lessons, for a minimum commitment of a couple weeks at a time, and she's already got the early basics down through family lessons.
Her father was a "butterfly" who flitted from activity to activity, much like she does. Scouts worked well when he started around age 11. Soccer, which he did during grade school, was so-so - fine for a casual community ed league, lacking the commitment for serious leagues. Swim lessons - of which we did a couple (homeschool, so during day and less distractions) sets a year, once or twice weekly for 2-3 months, worked really well during late elementary through high school.
Crazily enough, the things that really stood out when I thought about what he thrived on were really varied. Skateboarding was his lifeblood, his thinking time, his calming down, and his energy sink from the start of middle school on. He could skate solidly for 2-3 hours at a time, and did so daily. Also, we're a family of avid readers. When he found a series he liked, he'd devour it. And much like many ADHD, video games held his attention.
However, he's not a creator, in that he doesn't seem to have hobbies that are arts and crafts. He enjoys them, but in short increments, and usually when someone else suggests them. (His daughter is different in that regard - she wants to do them, but still lacks the patience to do them consistently to completion.) There's an exception here, though - he went through a phase where dance was his thing, and he flits in and out of music. Singing and digital music are his thing; he flirts with guitar, but won't commit to really learning it. And still, he goes through active and totally inactive phases.
I guess there are threads in this, themes that make it more likely to work, if you will?
Active, especially energy-sinks. Movement.
Individual, or at least not reliant on a team - and not having a team reliant on him.
Self-paced and flexibly-paced, when possible.
Oh, and consistency. Habits mattered, and could impact how well it did.
posted by stormyteal at 11:31 PM on January 11 [1 favorite]
For me this is singing in a choir. When I was a kid my mom signed me up for piano lessons and I didn't take to that at all, but I loved choir immediately when I started around age 8 and I have continued with it my whole life. If I had to speculate on why it works for me as a person with ADHD I would say it is the physical engagement of singing (especially mindful breathing), plus mental focus from the "puzzle" of figuring out how a complex piece of music fits together, plus the social engagement of practicing and performing in a group, plus the structure of most rehearsals having relatively short segments of focused work alternated with rest time.
Participating in group rehearsal does mean you need to be able to sit still for some period of time, but for adults/older youth there is always a mix of sitting and standing and for elementary school aged kids I would look to see some movement and physical activity incorporated into the practice time.
Also, compared to learning to play a musical instrument, I would say that choir singing generally does not come with the pressure/expectation of a lot of regular practice time outside the group rehearsals so there's no issue of having to loom over your kid to make sure they get in their 30 minutes of piano practice every day or whatever. Advanced groups will often expect you to learn some of the music on your own outside of rehearsal, but how you do that is up to you.
posted by 4rtemis at 1:47 AM on January 12 [3 favorites]
Participating in group rehearsal does mean you need to be able to sit still for some period of time, but for adults/older youth there is always a mix of sitting and standing and for elementary school aged kids I would look to see some movement and physical activity incorporated into the practice time.
Also, compared to learning to play a musical instrument, I would say that choir singing generally does not come with the pressure/expectation of a lot of regular practice time outside the group rehearsals so there's no issue of having to loom over your kid to make sure they get in their 30 minutes of piano practice every day or whatever. Advanced groups will often expect you to learn some of the music on your own outside of rehearsal, but how you do that is up to you.
posted by 4rtemis at 1:47 AM on January 12 [3 favorites]
Our almost 11 yr old kid with ADHD will not go for organized sports where there is a coach or teacher. We tried a lot when he was younger and with soccer he'd refuse to wear the shirt and would get bored if he wasn't engaged the entire time.
Things that have engaged him:
- pottery. He does it at school and loves it. Got him a pottery wheel for Christmas (a cheap one) and he can spend hours with it.
- cross country. Again at school, but it was very chill. He loved it because he moved the entire time and was only competing with himself.
- scouting-type activities. He's not a Boy Scout, but attends a day camp in the summer that is run by scouts. He loves being in the woods, building forts, learning survival skills.
- ice skating. He will not go to lessons, but will skate for hours in a sort of running on ice kind of way.
Our kid is pretty fearless about physical things--we've let him do some things that went against my better judgement, but kept him engaged and moving. Like building an enormous box fort in the back yard (several times...), digging a hole in the back yard (it feels ridiculous, but he would wake up and head out there like it was his job one summer -- he loved it), and drilling holes into planks of wood.
I will say that as he's matured a bit, some of his tolerance for being "bored" has improved a hint.
posted by jdl at 2:44 AM on January 12
Things that have engaged him:
- pottery. He does it at school and loves it. Got him a pottery wheel for Christmas (a cheap one) and he can spend hours with it.
- cross country. Again at school, but it was very chill. He loved it because he moved the entire time and was only competing with himself.
- scouting-type activities. He's not a Boy Scout, but attends a day camp in the summer that is run by scouts. He loves being in the woods, building forts, learning survival skills.
- ice skating. He will not go to lessons, but will skate for hours in a sort of running on ice kind of way.
Our kid is pretty fearless about physical things--we've let him do some things that went against my better judgement, but kept him engaged and moving. Like building an enormous box fort in the back yard (several times...), digging a hole in the back yard (it feels ridiculous, but he would wake up and head out there like it was his job one summer -- he loved it), and drilling holes into planks of wood.
I will say that as he's matured a bit, some of his tolerance for being "bored" has improved a hint.
posted by jdl at 2:44 AM on January 12
Martial arts have a lot of physical feedback and very structured expectations. We have a bunch of neurodivergent kids (and adults!) in the karate dojo where I train.
posted by tchemgrrl at 6:01 AM on January 12
posted by tchemgrrl at 6:01 AM on January 12
How about a weekly visit to a trampoline park, like this one?
It’s great exercise and he might make some friends as a bonus.
posted by waving at 7:11 AM on January 12
It’s great exercise and he might make some friends as a bonus.
posted by waving at 7:11 AM on January 12
Bringing him to extracurriculars is fine, but maybe you need to step back instead of evaluating every single sign of interest or disinterest in your kid.
I have a young kid too with suspected ADHD (on the path to formal diagnosis). I bring him to extracurriculars. He tells me which sport he wants to continue and which he is not that interested in. The only non-negotiable is swimming classes (need the life skill), and to some extent, music classes.
My child is OBSESSED with chess and football. But I don’t watch him when he is doing his activity to rank how good he is.
Your child is 6, he should be able to tell you his preferences for you to take into consideration. Do not go into all his activity classes evaluating him at the slightest hint of inattentiveness.
This is not a question for AskMeFi. This is a question for your child. Even if he does like multiple activities, you can get him to rank his preferences and focus on the top two.
posted by moiraine at 8:08 AM on January 12 [2 favorites]
I have a young kid too with suspected ADHD (on the path to formal diagnosis). I bring him to extracurriculars. He tells me which sport he wants to continue and which he is not that interested in. The only non-negotiable is swimming classes (need the life skill), and to some extent, music classes.
My child is OBSESSED with chess and football. But I don’t watch him when he is doing his activity to rank how good he is.
Your child is 6, he should be able to tell you his preferences for you to take into consideration. Do not go into all his activity classes evaluating him at the slightest hint of inattentiveness.
This is not a question for AskMeFi. This is a question for your child. Even if he does like multiple activities, you can get him to rank his preferences and focus on the top two.
posted by moiraine at 8:08 AM on January 12 [2 favorites]
Instead of an art class with goals and easy comparisons to others, he might really like art therapy. Our group one is just a chill space with nice, supportive adults around and plenty of supplies to choose from. The therapists make sure everyone's respected and keep things from getting too out of hand, but the "therapy" is mostly about having an hour a week where being neurodivergent is totally normalized. The individual sessions are more deliberately "therapy" but still pretty lightly so compared to even kids' OT.
posted by teremala at 8:10 AM on January 12
posted by teremala at 8:10 AM on January 12
For my daughter it was singing, theater and musical theater. She was amazing at memorizing lyrics and lines and there was enough variety with different songs and characters to keep her from getting bored. She also seemed to really benefit from being able to try on different personas and act them out in various ways.
For my son, the answer to this question really varied depending on his age. When he was young (age 5-9) he hated organized or competitive sports or activities. We found success with a boys hip-hop and breakdance class where there was a lot of movement and they were encouraged to add in a lot of freestyle moves and were encouraged to be creative. Luckily the dance teacher also had ADHD and totally understood. We tried other dance classes but they were too structured and he hated it. With these types of classes, success really depended on the type of teacher and unfortunately many youth activities and sports are taught by a parent volunteer who don't have any experience with accommodating neurodivergent kids.
As he got older (age 10-16) he really loved swimming and running, but not on a team. Just for the fun of it. The repetitive movements felt really good to him and it also tired him out so he could sleep. In middle school and high school he really loved computer classes, Destination Imagination team and First Robotics team which also allowed him to make friends with other quirky smart kids who really became his people. As he switched to more brain-based activities we found that it was really important to keep the physical activities such as running or his body would feel very out of control.
Another thing for him that we figured out was that if he did an active, repetitive activity such as jumping on the trampoline, swinging on a swing or hammock, or using his balance board at home for 20 minutes or so before a class or activity, he was much more regulated and able to focus and less likely to be frustrated.
posted by PurpleNico at 10:01 AM on January 12
For my son, the answer to this question really varied depending on his age. When he was young (age 5-9) he hated organized or competitive sports or activities. We found success with a boys hip-hop and breakdance class where there was a lot of movement and they were encouraged to add in a lot of freestyle moves and were encouraged to be creative. Luckily the dance teacher also had ADHD and totally understood. We tried other dance classes but they were too structured and he hated it. With these types of classes, success really depended on the type of teacher and unfortunately many youth activities and sports are taught by a parent volunteer who don't have any experience with accommodating neurodivergent kids.
As he got older (age 10-16) he really loved swimming and running, but not on a team. Just for the fun of it. The repetitive movements felt really good to him and it also tired him out so he could sleep. In middle school and high school he really loved computer classes, Destination Imagination team and First Robotics team which also allowed him to make friends with other quirky smart kids who really became his people. As he switched to more brain-based activities we found that it was really important to keep the physical activities such as running or his body would feel very out of control.
Another thing for him that we figured out was that if he did an active, repetitive activity such as jumping on the trampoline, swinging on a swing or hammock, or using his balance board at home for 20 minutes or so before a class or activity, he was much more regulated and able to focus and less likely to be frustrated.
posted by PurpleNico at 10:01 AM on January 12
Response by poster: Just to get it on record: We do ask him what he likes and his preferences. He likes everything! He enthusiastically says yes to everything, except rock climbing. So we have to choose just a couple activities or rotate through them depending on the season and scheduling availability. We do not pull him out because he is not meeting "our standards," we encourage unstructured play time and sports time. Giving gymnastics a year and then asking if he wants to try another sport is hardly "yanking" him out. Unfortunately we don't have available "bounce" time at the gymnastics gyms around us. But yes we do go to trampoline parks for fun.
Lots of great suggestions here! I'm sure as he gets older and makes more friends and is able to just get outside and play more without scheduled play dates, he'll be able to have more unstructured sports time.
posted by dabadoo at 10:05 AM on January 12
Lots of great suggestions here! I'm sure as he gets older and makes more friends and is able to just get outside and play more without scheduled play dates, he'll be able to have more unstructured sports time.
posted by dabadoo at 10:05 AM on January 12
My neurodivergent 11-year-old sounds a lot like yours.
Things that he loves to do:
- his before-school and summer camp coding classes (especially if they involve 3D animation)
- archery class, but not year-round (our neighborhood park/rec center does indoor archery in the winter, and my son says when he’s “one with the arrow” his brain is quiet. But he’s not interested in joining a non-winter archery league, despite my offers to find one)
- board games, board games, board games (at age 5 he mastered Ticket to Ride, so his big passion is for the various expansion packs. Ticket to Ride Nordic Countries is a great one to start with, definitely better than the original US version. He also likes Carcassonne, which has expansion pack options, Battleship, Mille Bornes, and newer games like Laser Maze and Rollercoaster Madness)
- stop motion animation with an old iPhone and the Stop Motion Studio app, using LEGO or Playmobil sets/props
- downhill skiing (this is purely based on 1 field trip in 4th grade, as I can’t afford this hobby for him, but he’s super psyched about next week’s 5th grade field trip to the ski hill and tells me regularly how I wasted his time XC skiing on boring frozen lakes)
Things he likes to do:
- piano (he started out with the Simply Piano iPad app and LOVED IT, but when he leveled up to Bohemian Rhapsody and “beat the game,” there was a rocky transition to real lessons and having to learn how to read music without the crutches of a sound-recognition app telling you if you played the right note or not)
- chess, but only sometimes
- Dungeons and Dragons club at school
- mountain biking while his dad goes trail running
- cooking classes at summer camp
Things he noped out of:
- tennis
- soccer
- XC skiing
- swimming lessons (though we keep trying whenever I can get him registered in community education classes - things started to finally click at age 9, but he’s not great at it yet)
- skateboarding
- ice skating
- baseball
posted by Maarika at 11:34 AM on January 12 [1 favorite]
Things that he loves to do:
- his before-school and summer camp coding classes (especially if they involve 3D animation)
- archery class, but not year-round (our neighborhood park/rec center does indoor archery in the winter, and my son says when he’s “one with the arrow” his brain is quiet. But he’s not interested in joining a non-winter archery league, despite my offers to find one)
- board games, board games, board games (at age 5 he mastered Ticket to Ride, so his big passion is for the various expansion packs. Ticket to Ride Nordic Countries is a great one to start with, definitely better than the original US version. He also likes Carcassonne, which has expansion pack options, Battleship, Mille Bornes, and newer games like Laser Maze and Rollercoaster Madness)
- stop motion animation with an old iPhone and the Stop Motion Studio app, using LEGO or Playmobil sets/props
- downhill skiing (this is purely based on 1 field trip in 4th grade, as I can’t afford this hobby for him, but he’s super psyched about next week’s 5th grade field trip to the ski hill and tells me regularly how I wasted his time XC skiing on boring frozen lakes)
Things he likes to do:
- piano (he started out with the Simply Piano iPad app and LOVED IT, but when he leveled up to Bohemian Rhapsody and “beat the game,” there was a rocky transition to real lessons and having to learn how to read music without the crutches of a sound-recognition app telling you if you played the right note or not)
- chess, but only sometimes
- Dungeons and Dragons club at school
- mountain biking while his dad goes trail running
- cooking classes at summer camp
Things he noped out of:
- tennis
- soccer
- XC skiing
- swimming lessons (though we keep trying whenever I can get him registered in community education classes - things started to finally click at age 9, but he’s not great at it yet)
- skateboarding
- ice skating
- baseball
posted by Maarika at 11:34 AM on January 12 [1 favorite]
My 9 year old with combined type ADHD loves parkour. It's a bunch of skills, full body exercise, and it embraces freestyling or doing things your own way. Caveat: my son is pretty darn athletic, and is a complete bulldozer. YMMV.
FWIW, I heard from a gymnastics program that they wouldn't take kids under 7 because they don't yet have the brain development to be successful at certain challenges, even if they're active and athletic. You may try gymnastics again later. No exceptions were made.
Similar thing for music: a music teacher told us that 6 or 7 was when it stopped being gratuitous babysitting for most kids, and started really being about music education and skill building. (Don't ask me to explain child prodigies in music. I'm just the messenger here.)
ADHDers are known to be deeply inspired by an activity or hobby for short bursts of time, then drop it for something else. As parents, we're just prepared to ride the wave, and not invest too much in anything until he finds his true passion.
posted by nadise at 11:38 AM on January 12 [1 favorite]
FWIW, I heard from a gymnastics program that they wouldn't take kids under 7 because they don't yet have the brain development to be successful at certain challenges, even if they're active and athletic. You may try gymnastics again later. No exceptions were made.
Similar thing for music: a music teacher told us that 6 or 7 was when it stopped being gratuitous babysitting for most kids, and started really being about music education and skill building. (Don't ask me to explain child prodigies in music. I'm just the messenger here.)
ADHDers are known to be deeply inspired by an activity or hobby for short bursts of time, then drop it for something else. As parents, we're just prepared to ride the wave, and not invest too much in anything until he finds his true passion.
posted by nadise at 11:38 AM on January 12 [1 favorite]
The commonality I see among the activities he rejects and accepts with my ADHD brain is whether he is being directly evaluated on his individual performance.
I echo the notes of RSD and suggestion of a scouting-type program and other situations like that where there will be significant structure from adult leadership, a lot of variety, and a lack of him having to quickly confront feelings of falling short. He'll get plenty of that growing up with ADHD; please spare him all you can, as the weight of it can be very heavy. "I can't" and "it's too hard" for me were "I'm going to fail again, it happens constantly and I can't bear it."
Gently: if you didn't grow up with ADHD, please remember that comparing to what kids his age seem to be able to do isn't comparing to what kids with ADHD his age can do. Slower brain maturation means he may not have those capabilities.
For now, it sounds like he enjoys competing against himself and building coordination with rhythmic activities - trampolining, dribbling and hiking are all great, there's the possibility soon of getting good at riding a bike, scootering, skating, balance board, smacking a kickball against a wall or a tennis ball with a racket. Take out of it for now the waiting and evaluation he can't deal with at the moment.
For me, what stuck was Girl Scouts (I had a fantastic leader who gave us many new experiences and the friendly aspect of seeing the same girls every week was great when I didn't get the social rules and school friendships weren't going well), arts and crafts (I had a sturdy Fisher-Price loom and the rhythm of that was very calming), choir (the ecstatic magic of voices together is super rewarding), theatre (getting known in my school communities to be Very Good At that meant a lot when managing school every day was so so hard), and bicycling (no losing, no comparisons). I don't know where you'd find this now, but I went to a summer camp that played a lot of non-competitive New Games and I *adored* that.
posted by jocelmeow at 12:20 PM on January 12 [1 favorite]
I echo the notes of RSD and suggestion of a scouting-type program and other situations like that where there will be significant structure from adult leadership, a lot of variety, and a lack of him having to quickly confront feelings of falling short. He'll get plenty of that growing up with ADHD; please spare him all you can, as the weight of it can be very heavy. "I can't" and "it's too hard" for me were "I'm going to fail again, it happens constantly and I can't bear it."
Gently: if you didn't grow up with ADHD, please remember that comparing to what kids his age seem to be able to do isn't comparing to what kids with ADHD his age can do. Slower brain maturation means he may not have those capabilities.
For now, it sounds like he enjoys competing against himself and building coordination with rhythmic activities - trampolining, dribbling and hiking are all great, there's the possibility soon of getting good at riding a bike, scootering, skating, balance board, smacking a kickball against a wall or a tennis ball with a racket. Take out of it for now the waiting and evaluation he can't deal with at the moment.
For me, what stuck was Girl Scouts (I had a fantastic leader who gave us many new experiences and the friendly aspect of seeing the same girls every week was great when I didn't get the social rules and school friendships weren't going well), arts and crafts (I had a sturdy Fisher-Price loom and the rhythm of that was very calming), choir (the ecstatic magic of voices together is super rewarding), theatre (getting known in my school communities to be Very Good At that meant a lot when managing school every day was so so hard), and bicycling (no losing, no comparisons). I don't know where you'd find this now, but I went to a summer camp that played a lot of non-competitive New Games and I *adored* that.
posted by jocelmeow at 12:20 PM on January 12 [1 favorite]
It also sounds that he may be more comfortable moving his lower body than his upper body. I'm just some internet stranger, but many kids enjoy going to OT.
I would also throw out there that for all kids, but especially for kids like your son, how the activity is structured is at least as important as the activity itself.
nthing that martial arts and ADHD kids can work very well. Consider looking for a martial arts school where parents and their kids can train together in the same class. Like how young kids learn languages easier than adults*, there is almost always a situation where a kid will pick up a technique faster than his parent. It can be quite empowering for a child to be in a teaching role with a parent. In addition, a traditional martial arts school will have an aspect of respecting those more senior than you and helping those more junior than you regardless of age.
*generally speaking, adults are more likely than kids to over think how to do something.
Also consider paying a high school aged soccer player to work with your kid one on one. Let your kid run the show on what soccer skill he wants to work on. Take your kid to watch different soccer matches to inspire him (and maybe subtly remind him that there is more to soccer than dribbling).
Have you looked in to horse back riding? Ice /roller skating? (floor/ice/street/field) hockey? skiing? snowboarding? geocaching?
I would also look for music classes that are about exposure rather than practice. For instance, there's Dalcroze. Also if you can find it there's music making with Orff instruments.
posted by oceano at 2:34 PM on January 12
I would also throw out there that for all kids, but especially for kids like your son, how the activity is structured is at least as important as the activity itself.
nthing that martial arts and ADHD kids can work very well. Consider looking for a martial arts school where parents and their kids can train together in the same class. Like how young kids learn languages easier than adults*, there is almost always a situation where a kid will pick up a technique faster than his parent. It can be quite empowering for a child to be in a teaching role with a parent. In addition, a traditional martial arts school will have an aspect of respecting those more senior than you and helping those more junior than you regardless of age.
*generally speaking, adults are more likely than kids to over think how to do something.
Also consider paying a high school aged soccer player to work with your kid one on one. Let your kid run the show on what soccer skill he wants to work on. Take your kid to watch different soccer matches to inspire him (and maybe subtly remind him that there is more to soccer than dribbling).
Have you looked in to horse back riding? Ice /roller skating? (floor/ice/street/field) hockey? skiing? snowboarding? geocaching?
I would also look for music classes that are about exposure rather than practice. For instance, there's Dalcroze. Also if you can find it there's music making with Orff instruments.
posted by oceano at 2:34 PM on January 12
I'll nth dance. I'm not diagnosed with ADHD, but I definitely have traits, mostly along the lines of hyperfocus. Tap and ballet with a little jazz were what I did as a kid. But I've recently tried hip hop and lyrical.
He likes chess, what about coding? There are computer versions, board game type versions and one that are more physical (I'm looking at Hop To It for my preschool class)
posted by kathrynm at 3:14 PM on January 12
He likes chess, what about coding? There are computer versions, board game type versions and one that are more physical (I'm looking at Hop To It for my preschool class)
posted by kathrynm at 3:14 PM on January 12
+1 to martial arts. My son who is not diagnosed but definitely has some ADHD traits loves kendo. I think he really likes being in the special clothes and doing all the rituals, and it's exciting to be allowed to hit a grownup with a sword. I'm in the dojo too and as you can imagine it's a special treat to get to hit mommy every week.
The thing about martial arts is that you really are forced to focus on what's going on around you because if you don't, you get hurt or you hurt other people. It's the only time of my week when I'm truly not thinking about anything else except the current moment and what's happening right around me. It's nice!
posted by potrzebie at 3:19 PM on January 12
The thing about martial arts is that you really are forced to focus on what's going on around you because if you don't, you get hurt or you hurt other people. It's the only time of my week when I'm truly not thinking about anything else except the current moment and what's happening right around me. It's nice!
posted by potrzebie at 3:19 PM on January 12
As a woman with ADHD, even as a kid, I gravitated to sports that did not require team activities, but that let me get out all of that pent up energy. Running, riding a bike, roller skating, swimming - not having to worry about lots of rules or whatever, just getting to move my body.
My favorite activity was horse riding. Rock climbing if you have a gym near you could be neat when he gets older. I wish i had been able to try that growing up.
posted by litera scripta manet at 4:53 PM on January 14
My favorite activity was horse riding. Rock climbing if you have a gym near you could be neat when he gets older. I wish i had been able to try that growing up.
posted by litera scripta manet at 4:53 PM on January 14
Parkour!
That was my ADHD son's favorite when he was too young for more structured activities. It sounds like exactly what your son loves to do - run and jump around wildly - but in a safe environment and with others who are into the same thing.
posted by widdershins at 1:23 PM on January 16
That was my ADHD son's favorite when he was too young for more structured activities. It sounds like exactly what your son loves to do - run and jump around wildly - but in a safe environment and with others who are into the same thing.
posted by widdershins at 1:23 PM on January 16
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She doesn’t have ADHD (although I do), but she has also noped out of gymnastics, soccer, and ballet.
posted by Kriesa at 3:59 PM on January 11 [2 favorites]