Should I adopt a dog?
November 8, 2023 1:11 PM Subscribe
Child desperately wants a dog. However, I like having a quiet, clean and orderly house. Also, prefer not to spend a lot of time OR money on care. We also travel semi-regularly and are frequently not at home during the day. Would a very small, low maintenance, well trained adult dog be a possibility or just a bad idea all together? Never had a dog before, so I don't know the realities of it other than what I've read in books and online. Any advice appreciated.
I’m not the cleanest person, but a relatively clean one. I’d say 80% of my friends have a dog, 15% and/or a cat. As someone who has never lived with an animal in their home (outside of a year in college with a roommate’s small Maltese/bichon frisé), I’m constantly shocked by how I clean their houses feel to me. The exception is my brother as their cat is outside 90% of the day and his wife literally has a cleaning OCD. If you want a clean, orderly home, a dog is not for you.
Also as someone who desperately wanted a dog as a child (and still wants one now) don’t sub in another animal to “make up for” a lack of a dog. It’s not the same at all and won’t fill that dog shaped hole
posted by raccoon409 at 1:21 PM on November 8, 2023
Also as someone who desperately wanted a dog as a child (and still wants one now) don’t sub in another animal to “make up for” a lack of a dog. It’s not the same at all and won’t fill that dog shaped hole
posted by raccoon409 at 1:21 PM on November 8, 2023
No, taking care of a dog well would not be compatible with the life you want to live. The kindest thing you can do is not bring a dog into a home where it would be a constant point of tension.
posted by shesbookish at 1:23 PM on November 8, 2023 [20 favorites]
posted by shesbookish at 1:23 PM on November 8, 2023 [20 favorites]
Nope. Dogs are amazing, wonderful balls of pure chaos and disaster. Now, most people end up loving their dogs so much that the chaos and disaster aren't as much of a bother, but it's not worth the gamble.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 1:25 PM on November 8, 2023 [12 favorites]
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 1:25 PM on November 8, 2023 [12 favorites]
No. My dad still mourns having to give up a dog he adopted as a kid because his parent had a similar attitude - I forget how long the 'experiment' lasted, but he was devastated when it ended.
posted by coffeecat at 1:41 PM on November 8, 2023 [7 favorites]
posted by coffeecat at 1:41 PM on November 8, 2023 [7 favorites]
I wouldn't get a dog if I were you and my heart goes out to your kid.
I longed for a dog when I was growing up and I rescued my first dog as soon as I left home so I feel for your kid but:
There is no such thing as a truly "low maintenance dog". Some dogs are easier than others are but no dog will trot into your life ready to be a good companion to you. They need your help. Dogs require lots of care and some of it is messy and expensive. Good dogs require a lot more than just care. The best behaved dogs are still dogs and the VAST majority of dogs need quite a bit of training before they get with your program.
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 1:42 PM on November 8, 2023 [7 favorites]
I longed for a dog when I was growing up and I rescued my first dog as soon as I left home so I feel for your kid but:
There is no such thing as a truly "low maintenance dog". Some dogs are easier than others are but no dog will trot into your life ready to be a good companion to you. They need your help. Dogs require lots of care and some of it is messy and expensive. Good dogs require a lot more than just care. The best behaved dogs are still dogs and the VAST majority of dogs need quite a bit of training before they get with your program.
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 1:42 PM on November 8, 2023 [7 favorites]
I have a dog. I have been extraordinarily lucky with what a quiet, non-disaster my dog is. She wants to walk outside (2 short walks a day plus 2 long walks a day -- I do not have a yard at all), and she wants to sleep in her bed or on the couch next to me, and she does not want much else. She is quiet and does not play with toys and doesn't chew or destroy things. She's been this way for the entire 10 years I had her (I adopted her when she was 3). That said, I have to vacuum my house once a day, and the room she spends of of her time in twice a day, to deal with her fur, and it still sometimes feels dirty. I do an extra load of laundry every week to keep her beds clean (she has three, and each has a blanket). I also pay to have her bathed and de-shedded once a month.
The active work of walking her, vacuuming my floors, cleaning her beds and feeding her probably take up an average of 2-2.5 hours per day. Petting her and hanging out with her when she's not sleeping is probably another 30-45 minutes a day. The rest of the time we are together, I do my thing and she sleeps. 3 hours might sound like a lot to some people, but it doesn't to me. I love my dog and she adds a lot to my life. The only thing I don't like doing is vacuuming so much, but it's worth it.
I'm not sure a well-cared for dog could be lower maintenance than mine, although if I had a yard, the time spent walking her would be less (but I LOVE walking her, so I might do it anyway). There is still mess. Dogs are messy.
posted by OrangeDisk at 1:50 PM on November 8, 2023 [10 favorites]
The active work of walking her, vacuuming my floors, cleaning her beds and feeding her probably take up an average of 2-2.5 hours per day. Petting her and hanging out with her when she's not sleeping is probably another 30-45 minutes a day. The rest of the time we are together, I do my thing and she sleeps. 3 hours might sound like a lot to some people, but it doesn't to me. I love my dog and she adds a lot to my life. The only thing I don't like doing is vacuuming so much, but it's worth it.
I'm not sure a well-cared for dog could be lower maintenance than mine, although if I had a yard, the time spent walking her would be less (but I LOVE walking her, so I might do it anyway). There is still mess. Dogs are messy.
posted by OrangeDisk at 1:50 PM on November 8, 2023 [10 favorites]
How old is the child and to what degree would they be willing and able to do the brunt of the care duties?
posted by Xurando at 2:02 PM on November 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by Xurando at 2:02 PM on November 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
I agree with everyone else that even the most low maintenance of dogs probably wouldn't be a good fit for your household. And I also want to point out that finding a very small, low maintenance, well-trained adult dog would not be an easy task at all. A dog that is already well trained and has no issues is a rare thing to find at any shelter or rescue organization, especially if you're limiting yourself to small dogs with low exercise and grooming needs. There are lots of dogs that have no very serious issues and have the potential to be good pets with a bit of training, but not many that have already had all the work done by someone else and are now for some reason in need of a new home. You're talking about sort of a holy grail dog that you would probably only find through extreme luck and/or a long and wide-ranging search.
posted by Redstart at 2:07 PM on November 8, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by Redstart at 2:07 PM on November 8, 2023 [6 favorites]
I housed a dog for six months, 15 years ago now. At the time, I figured I spent around $1200 on the dog for supplies, vet visits, etc. I'm sure a comparable experience would be more today.
Low maintenance? I have a couple of geraniums. Those are my low-maintenance companions today.
posted by gimonca at 2:08 PM on November 8, 2023 [5 favorites]
Low maintenance? I have a couple of geraniums. Those are my low-maintenance companions today.
posted by gimonca at 2:08 PM on November 8, 2023 [5 favorites]
Even a low maintenance dog has to be fed, probably while you're out/gone. I get that your kid wants a dog, but it sounds like you'd haaaaaaaaaate it.
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:10 PM on November 8, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:10 PM on November 8, 2023 [3 favorites]
I'd have to agree that it doesn't sound like a dog is a good fit for you. A healthy dog is one thing, but dogs can and do often develop illnesses which require more time and care. A diabetic dog will require twice daily insulin injections, for example, as well as more frequent vet visits.
posted by cozenedindigo at 2:15 PM on November 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by cozenedindigo at 2:15 PM on November 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
Plus even if you get the absolute lottery of an older, perfectly trained, low-maintenance non-shedding dog that dog one day is going to get some kind of disease and barf or poop or pee all over your stuff. Or one day you will find yourself spoon-feeding it applesauce full of crushed pills at 3 am after it has its leg amputated. Like, they're alive things and they're going to kind of upend your whole life, and then they'll get sick and die and ruin you.
I mean, again, it's always possible you'd end up like those instagram stories about "Parent who said they didn't want a dog" where now the parent and dog are in matching sweaters on the sofa. But the responsible way to look at it is, dogs are a HELL YES or they're an ABSOLUTELY NOT.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 2:19 PM on November 8, 2023 [15 favorites]
I mean, again, it's always possible you'd end up like those instagram stories about "Parent who said they didn't want a dog" where now the parent and dog are in matching sweaters on the sofa. But the responsible way to look at it is, dogs are a HELL YES or they're an ABSOLUTELY NOT.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 2:19 PM on November 8, 2023 [15 favorites]
Adding to the chorus of "no."
Even if you're lucky and get a very low-maintenance dog, it will only be low maintenance by dog standards, which means more time and money spent on care than it seems you'd be willing to give it. And that's if no problems develop (e.g. aging-related diseases).
And you really don't want to end up in a situation where you resent the dog for what it needs from you, because it will be in your house, and loved by your child, and there will be no way out without trauma. I mean, I don't want to sound harsh on you here - you're doing the right thing by asking for input here and being realistic about what you need. You just want to avoid this bad outcome.
I personally love other people's dogs, and grew up with dogs that I loved, but the reason I don't have a dog now is because I know I don't want that sort of commitment.
It's unfortunate that you and your child have different desires here, but no dog seems like the best choice. Your child can get a dog when they're old enough to have their own place and take responsibility for its care. (Or if they're a younger child, maybe you revisit this question in several years to see if you're in a different place.)
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 2:21 PM on November 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
Even if you're lucky and get a very low-maintenance dog, it will only be low maintenance by dog standards, which means more time and money spent on care than it seems you'd be willing to give it. And that's if no problems develop (e.g. aging-related diseases).
And you really don't want to end up in a situation where you resent the dog for what it needs from you, because it will be in your house, and loved by your child, and there will be no way out without trauma. I mean, I don't want to sound harsh on you here - you're doing the right thing by asking for input here and being realistic about what you need. You just want to avoid this bad outcome.
I personally love other people's dogs, and grew up with dogs that I loved, but the reason I don't have a dog now is because I know I don't want that sort of commitment.
It's unfortunate that you and your child have different desires here, but no dog seems like the best choice. Your child can get a dog when they're old enough to have their own place and take responsibility for its care. (Or if they're a younger child, maybe you revisit this question in several years to see if you're in a different place.)
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 2:21 PM on November 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
(My comment above was supposed to say “shocked at how UNCLEAN their houses feel.” Damn typos)
posted by raccoon409 at 2:28 PM on November 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by raccoon409 at 2:28 PM on November 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
I wouldn’t. I love our two dogs, and we’ve had dogs our entire adult lives. Dogs are great. But. Add a dog and you house will never again stay clean the way you like it. Veterinary care is expensive, so expensive, and often requires taking time off work to make it to appointments. (And boarding! Boarding or getting a pet sitter is such a hassle.) (And expensive, of course.)
Dogs are wonderful but there are real trade-offs. My heart is with any kiddo who wants a pet and doesn’t get one, but this really wouldn’t work out well, I don’t think.
posted by Suedeltica at 2:30 PM on November 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
Dogs are wonderful but there are real trade-offs. My heart is with any kiddo who wants a pet and doesn’t get one, but this really wouldn’t work out well, I don’t think.
posted by Suedeltica at 2:30 PM on November 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
I'll actually say that if you're prepared to accept the hit, getting a dog that your child desperately wants can actually be a huge benefit to the child. Children are lonelier now than they ever have been before; a dog is a ready made playmate who will love them, and provide some protective resilience to the absolute brutality a post-social-media world is for children. Also, children don't forget being denied dogs in the same way they forget other things. I can't remember now any toy or large item purchase I was denied, but I do remember when my mother denied me a dog and resented her for years on that basis.
A small dog can absolutely be traveled with, however - get one of the airline travel bags and make sure the dog fits inside it. Small dogs also live longer.
However, *you* may still be unhappy with it. You will have to spend money on food and routine care, and even though you may say now that you won't pay for any high vet bills, when your kid is looking at you with big eyes, pleading for the life of their beloved companion, you absolutely will. Additionally, you will never have a neat and orderly house again.
posted by corb at 2:30 PM on November 8, 2023 [9 favorites]
A small dog can absolutely be traveled with, however - get one of the airline travel bags and make sure the dog fits inside it. Small dogs also live longer.
However, *you* may still be unhappy with it. You will have to spend money on food and routine care, and even though you may say now that you won't pay for any high vet bills, when your kid is looking at you with big eyes, pleading for the life of their beloved companion, you absolutely will. Additionally, you will never have a neat and orderly house again.
posted by corb at 2:30 PM on November 8, 2023 [9 favorites]
I agree with the chorus of “no” above.
Is there a service similar to Borrow My Doggy near you? In my area this is a popular way for non-dog-owners to build up a relationship with a local dog when being a dog owner is not possible. You or another responsible adult could support your child to get involved, as a possible alternative?
posted by Erinaceus europaeus at 2:30 PM on November 8, 2023 [7 favorites]
Is there a service similar to Borrow My Doggy near you? In my area this is a popular way for non-dog-owners to build up a relationship with a local dog when being a dog owner is not possible. You or another responsible adult could support your child to get involved, as a possible alternative?
posted by Erinaceus europaeus at 2:30 PM on November 8, 2023 [7 favorites]
Every parent I know who gave in and got the dog because the kid wanted it, rather than because the parent(s) *actively* wanted it rather than passively thought "my kid really wants this, maybe I can tolerate it?" has found themselves primarily to entirely responsible for pet care and well-being within three to six months. Walks, feeding, grooming, playtime. Vet visits, doggie daycare or crate training for when everyone is out of the house for the school/work day, board and care or housesitting when your family travels. Even if your kid is older and could be trusted with significant responsibility (say, high school age), what happens if your kid goes off to college? Most dorms don't allow pets, and most dogs would not sneak under the radar.
I'm not saying there aren't plenty of happy families with dogs! I am saying that dogs in particular are a pet that come with a lot of responsibilities, both in time and finances, and since your family is new to pet ownership, you're doing the right thing to do your due diligence.
At most, I might suggest looking into *fostering* a dog, a time-limited way to see if dog adoption is right for your family while helping overcrowded shelters in your area. Or maybe if the kid is old enough (usually at least high school age), they can volunteer at your local animal shelter.
posted by Pandora Kouti at 2:31 PM on November 8, 2023 [5 favorites]
I'm not saying there aren't plenty of happy families with dogs! I am saying that dogs in particular are a pet that come with a lot of responsibilities, both in time and finances, and since your family is new to pet ownership, you're doing the right thing to do your due diligence.
At most, I might suggest looking into *fostering* a dog, a time-limited way to see if dog adoption is right for your family while helping overcrowded shelters in your area. Or maybe if the kid is old enough (usually at least high school age), they can volunteer at your local animal shelter.
posted by Pandora Kouti at 2:31 PM on November 8, 2023 [5 favorites]
No, it sounds like a dog would not be a good fit for your current lifestyle. I have a philosophy when it comes to caring for new beings (pets, children, etc.) that if it's not a heck yes from everyone in the family unit, then it's a heck nope. Seems fitting here given that you are not enthusiastic about the possibility of owning a dog. Which is totally 100% ok!!
I have a small well-trained low maintenance dog, and even then some days I feel overwhelmed with caring for him and small children at the same time. He's also not cheap to have, between grooming, basic vet care, food, petstting, etc he has cost us an average of $200 a month over his life (he's 11 now). We've been very lucky that he is mostly healthy outside of a food allergy, but I anticipate that will change as he continues to age. For us it's been money well spent for the benefits of having a dog but that may not be true for your family and that's totally ok.
Is there something in particular that draws your child to wanting a dog? I'm thinking outloud here but maybe there's another way to meet that need depending in their age without actually owning a dog. For example, if they are craving time with animals could they do something like dog walking, volunteering at a rescue, spending more time with dogs that they already know (neighbours, relatives etc?).
posted by snowysoul at 2:34 PM on November 8, 2023 [5 favorites]
I have a small well-trained low maintenance dog, and even then some days I feel overwhelmed with caring for him and small children at the same time. He's also not cheap to have, between grooming, basic vet care, food, petstting, etc he has cost us an average of $200 a month over his life (he's 11 now). We've been very lucky that he is mostly healthy outside of a food allergy, but I anticipate that will change as he continues to age. For us it's been money well spent for the benefits of having a dog but that may not be true for your family and that's totally ok.
Is there something in particular that draws your child to wanting a dog? I'm thinking outloud here but maybe there's another way to meet that need depending in their age without actually owning a dog. For example, if they are craving time with animals could they do something like dog walking, volunteering at a rescue, spending more time with dogs that they already know (neighbours, relatives etc?).
posted by snowysoul at 2:34 PM on November 8, 2023 [5 favorites]
You do not need to do what your child “desperately wants.”
A pet dog is an extra, a goodie, if you will; neither food, clothing, nor shelter. Maybe when child is a little older, they can pay for the dog themselves, along with all cleaning-up duties.
posted by BostonTerrier at 2:35 PM on November 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
A pet dog is an extra, a goodie, if you will; neither food, clothing, nor shelter. Maybe when child is a little older, they can pay for the dog themselves, along with all cleaning-up duties.
posted by BostonTerrier at 2:35 PM on November 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
I agree that getting a dog given your present circumstances is not a good idea. It does depend a little bit on the age of the child and how good they are at sticking with things, including chores.
No, it is not a need, but most things are not needs and we do not only provide children their base needs and ignore everything else. Children need fun and enjoyment, too.
I disagree with the idea of fostering a dog or having a part-time dog. The emotional bond will build up very quickly and it will be devastation when it's time for the dog to leave.
posted by tubedogg at 2:39 PM on November 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
No, it is not a need, but most things are not needs and we do not only provide children their base needs and ignore everything else. Children need fun and enjoyment, too.
I disagree with the idea of fostering a dog or having a part-time dog. The emotional bond will build up very quickly and it will be devastation when it's time for the dog to leave.
posted by tubedogg at 2:39 PM on November 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
No. The greatest thing you can do in life is have a great relationship with another, be it a dog or not-a-dog. The worst is feeling contained by another's needs.
Don't do it.
Said as a longtime dog owner who believes time spent with my dog is the best part of my day every day.
posted by dobbs at 2:46 PM on November 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
Don't do it.
Said as a longtime dog owner who believes time spent with my dog is the best part of my day every day.
posted by dobbs at 2:46 PM on November 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
For the sake of the hypothetical dog, do not get it. In getting a pet you have to consider the needs and desires of the pet first. Dogs are social animals who need a lot of stimulation and interaction. Many breeds need a lot of exercise and opportunity to smell, explore, connect with other doggos, etc. You have to train a dog and be consistent so they know you're the head of the pack. If you cannot meet the mental, social, and physical needs of a dog they are likely to become unhappy and destructive - chewing up the house, going to the bathroom in the house, whining, barking, etc. which will only make you and the dog miserable.
posted by brookeb at 3:15 PM on November 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by brookeb at 3:15 PM on November 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
Agree with all the "NO"s. Our dog has been generally extremely healthy, clean, and low maintenance- we have a yard, but she has always hated going on walks, so even that was not a thing. But now she is 16 and has Canine Cognitive Dysfunction as well as arthritis. Even though she is happy and cheerful, she gets confused in our house, is sometimes very anxious at night, and has to be carried up and down steps. She gets seven pills a day, has to be hand fed in the morning and night, and has to be carefully watched so we can scoop her up and take her outside before she has an accident. We love her, and she's been a great companion for over thirteen years so of course we are doing everything we can to take care of her right now. It is a lot of work, and a lot of money and lot of time, but she is an elderly member of our family.
Point is, no matter how easy, healthy, and low-maintenance a living creature is, at some time they will need help- and it may be expensive, time-consuming, stressful and high maintenance. We wouldn't do anything less for our animals, but if you're not in a place where you can, you should avoid adopting a pet.
posted by oneirodynia at 3:27 PM on November 8, 2023 [6 favorites]
Point is, no matter how easy, healthy, and low-maintenance a living creature is, at some time they will need help- and it may be expensive, time-consuming, stressful and high maintenance. We wouldn't do anything less for our animals, but if you're not in a place where you can, you should avoid adopting a pet.
posted by oneirodynia at 3:27 PM on November 8, 2023 [6 favorites]
Quiet, clean, and orderly can work. But vets are *expensive* (I swear it’s doubled in the last five years; I never seem to get out of there for less than $300), they need a lot of attention, and they make travel a *huge* pain.
It’s a commitment that will likely last a decade plus; you can’t give your kid a dog and then change your mind without it being horribly cruel. And kids tend to overpromise and underdeliver on how much of the dog care they’re going to take on, so assume you will be the one doing at least 95% of the work.
And, like folks pointed out, even a well mannered dog is going to get sick sometimes, and then all bets are off with the cleanliness. A friend and I had a running joke about our dogs’ propensities toward sneaking into the bathroom and ruining the bathmat when they had diarrhea, just to give an example.
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 3:37 PM on November 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
It’s a commitment that will likely last a decade plus; you can’t give your kid a dog and then change your mind without it being horribly cruel. And kids tend to overpromise and underdeliver on how much of the dog care they’re going to take on, so assume you will be the one doing at least 95% of the work.
And, like folks pointed out, even a well mannered dog is going to get sick sometimes, and then all bets are off with the cleanliness. A friend and I had a running joke about our dogs’ propensities toward sneaking into the bathroom and ruining the bathmat when they had diarrhea, just to give an example.
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 3:37 PM on November 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
I think corb puts it best. You will not be able to get a dog without disrupting a number of your settled life expectations. If you can bring yourself to accept that, you will likely give your child great happiness. But that's not the only way to make your child happy, and there is a limit to how much you can trade your happiness for theirs without its wreaking havoc on your home life. So I say: mostly no, but if you know yourself well, question yourself hard, and think you might be open to more mess and expense and disrupted attention spans (and travel complications at the very least) towards a really good end...maybe? But still probably no.
posted by praemunire at 3:46 PM on November 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by praemunire at 3:46 PM on November 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
I was going to comment early on and say no, of course not. But I’ve just read through all the comments and the truth is, there are way too many dogs. Most people would be shocked at how many. Imagine if you had to have the ideal home or circumstance - then many of those already in homes would not have homes. Life is messy. You would almost certainly be saving a life. I thought about getting a third but one of my smallish dogs has a lot of health problems.
You sound very pragmatic and I bet you you could handle a dog. And they do tend to grow on people. Corb makes a good point about how a dog is a good friend. And frankly, teaches a child a lot about relationships and companionship and things. Anyway. You asked this question so I think you’re not 100% against it. But it’s also true dogs can be unexpectedly expensive so maybe it’s not the right time, but could be next year.
posted by Glinn at 3:48 PM on November 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
You sound very pragmatic and I bet you you could handle a dog. And they do tend to grow on people. Corb makes a good point about how a dog is a good friend. And frankly, teaches a child a lot about relationships and companionship and things. Anyway. You asked this question so I think you’re not 100% against it. But it’s also true dogs can be unexpectedly expensive so maybe it’s not the right time, but could be next year.
posted by Glinn at 3:48 PM on November 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
We never had a dog growing up. What we did have was a dog who would come to visit us for a week a few times a year, when his owners, who were close friends are my parents, were travelling. This was amazing for us. We loved it when the dog came to visit, the dog was so excited to come to our house and be with us and have kids to play with and every time the dog came it felt really special and it was never a chore, because it was always a novelty. It sounds like having a dog isn't ideal for you, but dog-sitting might be awesome for you.
posted by ice-cream forever at 3:50 PM on November 8, 2023 [9 favorites]
posted by ice-cream forever at 3:50 PM on November 8, 2023 [9 favorites]
You sound like more of a cat household than a dog household to me, but maybe that's not an option for other reasons.
posted by chaiminda at 3:59 PM on November 8, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by chaiminda at 3:59 PM on November 8, 2023 [5 favorites]
We have two tracks on our household. My oldest son waited until he was an adult before he became a dog owner. This was largely because I was single parenting and working very long hours. His younger siblings watched with interest as he navigated dog life, only seeing a fraction of what was involved. Oldest raised…grandog? From a puppy with their spouse, so quickly appreciated why the delight of dog was deferred.
For a variety of reasons, we became open to rescuing a dog when the two youngest kids were approaching high school, were home earlier, and demonstrating some responsibility with chores. It is a lifestyle change. Our dog can be an oaf at at times, and less socially dog-graceful, so dog-friendly places, including dog parks, are not necessarily an stress-free option for us. She’s great with us and dearly loved even when she eats the occasional sock and throws it back up. We love her dearly. However, when our youngest kids go to college, I’m not sure we as the parents will have another dog. We will absolutely love on everyone else’s.
posted by childofTethys at 4:15 PM on November 8, 2023
For a variety of reasons, we became open to rescuing a dog when the two youngest kids were approaching high school, were home earlier, and demonstrating some responsibility with chores. It is a lifestyle change. Our dog can be an oaf at at times, and less socially dog-graceful, so dog-friendly places, including dog parks, are not necessarily an stress-free option for us. She’s great with us and dearly loved even when she eats the occasional sock and throws it back up. We love her dearly. However, when our youngest kids go to college, I’m not sure we as the parents will have another dog. We will absolutely love on everyone else’s.
posted by childofTethys at 4:15 PM on November 8, 2023
We adopted a rescue dog about six months ago and have never regretted it. She's a Kelpie crossed without something unknown, but we think an Australian Cattle Dog. We've been incredibly lucky to find a dog that is already very well-trained, well-behaved and healthy. We also like to travel a lot, but are lucky enough to have family that are overjoyed to spend some time with Luna for a few days or a week or whatever. We're also lucky that I work from home, so the dog is hardly ever left alone.
She needs walking twice a day and no walk is too long for her. She constantly sheds hair, although doesn't need any grooming except for a wash every week or two and a brush now and then. Luna is a very active dog, so getting something smaller and less active would reduce the exercise needs a lot, plus there are plenty of dogs that don't shed much.
If we didn't have ready access to care or we were both away from home all day, we would not have considered getting a dog and certainly not such an active dog. Specifically, we would not have got a Kelpie because they imprint hard on their owners and want to be with them for every moment of every day - she knows when we're getting ready to go out and follows us around with a sad look on her face. But we love her to bits and take her everywhere we go whenever we can. Our grandkids love her and constantly follow here around whenever they're here.
In terms of having a 'quiet, clean and orderly house', you'll have to give up at least the clean part to some extent, but a well-trained dog will be (mostly) quiet and won't chew your furniture or dig holes. We haven't needed any vet care so far, although Luna was fully checked out, vaccinated and spayed by the shelter. But you will have to spend time with a dog and there's no way around that - if you can't do that, you definitely should not get a dog. Everything else you can work around, but time is something that's non-negotiable. A dog can certainly be a great benefit to your child, but it comes at a cost. Maybe consider fostering or looking after someone else's dog a couple of times first to see how you feel about that cost?
posted by dg at 4:27 PM on November 8, 2023
She needs walking twice a day and no walk is too long for her. She constantly sheds hair, although doesn't need any grooming except for a wash every week or two and a brush now and then. Luna is a very active dog, so getting something smaller and less active would reduce the exercise needs a lot, plus there are plenty of dogs that don't shed much.
If we didn't have ready access to care or we were both away from home all day, we would not have considered getting a dog and certainly not such an active dog. Specifically, we would not have got a Kelpie because they imprint hard on their owners and want to be with them for every moment of every day - she knows when we're getting ready to go out and follows us around with a sad look on her face. But we love her to bits and take her everywhere we go whenever we can. Our grandkids love her and constantly follow here around whenever they're here.
In terms of having a 'quiet, clean and orderly house', you'll have to give up at least the clean part to some extent, but a well-trained dog will be (mostly) quiet and won't chew your furniture or dig holes. We haven't needed any vet care so far, although Luna was fully checked out, vaccinated and spayed by the shelter. But you will have to spend time with a dog and there's no way around that - if you can't do that, you definitely should not get a dog. Everything else you can work around, but time is something that's non-negotiable. A dog can certainly be a great benefit to your child, but it comes at a cost. Maybe consider fostering or looking after someone else's dog a couple of times first to see how you feel about that cost?
posted by dg at 4:27 PM on November 8, 2023
I want to push back on the consensus a bit.
Clean and orderly is no problem. If that’s how you live already and you have systems in place, a dog will be a minor adjustment. My parents always had dogs, and they have the cleanest, most orderly house imaginable. My wife and I keep a clean, orderly house and it only slips when one of us is traveling for work. The dog is a slight perturbation.
Quiet is a question mark and it depends on the dog. Our current dog is a reactive barker. People at the door and cats out the window are triggers. It’s not a problem at night when there are no packages being delivered and the blinds are drawn.
Most dogs will have no problem with you being away during the day.
Our biggest expense with a young dog is boarding. We splurge though (mostly out of guilt) and get door-to-door transport. Vet expenses for a young dog are minimal, but can be unpredictable. Our last emergency cost $1200. End-of-life care can be arbitrarily expensive and will likely present difficult decisions. Dogs are difficult to budget for; you should have some excess disposable income.
If you get a dog, you will probably fall in love with it.
posted by mr_roboto at 4:30 PM on November 8, 2023 [5 favorites]
Clean and orderly is no problem. If that’s how you live already and you have systems in place, a dog will be a minor adjustment. My parents always had dogs, and they have the cleanest, most orderly house imaginable. My wife and I keep a clean, orderly house and it only slips when one of us is traveling for work. The dog is a slight perturbation.
Quiet is a question mark and it depends on the dog. Our current dog is a reactive barker. People at the door and cats out the window are triggers. It’s not a problem at night when there are no packages being delivered and the blinds are drawn.
Most dogs will have no problem with you being away during the day.
Our biggest expense with a young dog is boarding. We splurge though (mostly out of guilt) and get door-to-door transport. Vet expenses for a young dog are minimal, but can be unpredictable. Our last emergency cost $1200. End-of-life care can be arbitrarily expensive and will likely present difficult decisions. Dogs are difficult to budget for; you should have some excess disposable income.
If you get a dog, you will probably fall in love with it.
posted by mr_roboto at 4:30 PM on November 8, 2023 [5 favorites]
I had the most considerate dog in the world. All my furniture is ruined, my wooden banisters and doors are scratched up, when I stayed with her a an pet-friendly Air bnb (walking her outside mutliple times and thinking she was well behaved) I got a cleaning fee because she left fur I didn't see. My bathtub was constantly backed up and I would find dried something or other in closets because she was fastidious enough to try to vomit up the garbage she ate in a discreet place.
If you are about to leave for the airport, your dog will certainly understand that it's time to eat an entire box of raisins and have to go to the emergency vet.
If you walk your dog one day when you're in a rush, and need to quickly get it back home so you can get to an appoitnment, it will understand that is the day to leap onto a yard while still on leash and roll its entire body in a dead squirrel covered in slime and then make you trip over its leash into a mud puddle. Because dogs are wonderful, it will then be sorry and lick you apologetically.
I adored my dog more than I loved my sofa, so it was OK. But seriously... what everyone is saying here is true.
posted by ojocaliente at 4:35 PM on November 8, 2023 [4 favorites]
If you are about to leave for the airport, your dog will certainly understand that it's time to eat an entire box of raisins and have to go to the emergency vet.
If you walk your dog one day when you're in a rush, and need to quickly get it back home so you can get to an appoitnment, it will understand that is the day to leap onto a yard while still on leash and roll its entire body in a dead squirrel covered in slime and then make you trip over its leash into a mud puddle. Because dogs are wonderful, it will then be sorry and lick you apologetically.
I adored my dog more than I loved my sofa, so it was OK. But seriously... what everyone is saying here is true.
posted by ojocaliente at 4:35 PM on November 8, 2023 [4 favorites]
Best answer: I was a kid who desperately needed a dog, and the eight years of waiting were painful. I finally got my own dog as a young teen, cared for her with very minimal involvement from my parents, and thrived. This dog was my best friend. I took her everywhere, and she gave me the courage to interact with peers, forming new relationships and becoming more confident. Just having her there reassured me. I didn't want my parents to walk, feed, or train her. They did pay for all basic dog care, and my dad "stole" my girl for walks regularly. They did a lot of the cleaning, too. I can't put into words how grateful I am to my parents (who like animals, but really did not want a dog). They could tell that I was serious about the necessary care and that dogs were my passion. Some kids need dogs.
That said: You shouldn't get a dog if your kid's joy won't balance out your discomfort. If the kid is older than 8, I'd suggest fostering or taking in a dog from your social circle for occasional dogsitting. Sounds like you need to do some experimenting. Please do not get a dog unless you're really into it after doing more research. For what it's worth: much of my dogless sadness was alleviated by making friends with local dogs. That can work.
posted by toucan at 4:53 PM on November 8, 2023 [10 favorites]
That said: You shouldn't get a dog if your kid's joy won't balance out your discomfort. If the kid is older than 8, I'd suggest fostering or taking in a dog from your social circle for occasional dogsitting. Sounds like you need to do some experimenting. Please do not get a dog unless you're really into it after doing more research. For what it's worth: much of my dogless sadness was alleviated by making friends with local dogs. That can work.
posted by toucan at 4:53 PM on November 8, 2023 [10 favorites]
A very tidy house friend had a similar situation. They borrowed a friends dog for a day at home and the child was thrilled, no one else in the family agreed - they liked the dog a lot but saw clearly that it did not fit. They instead researched other pets and settled on a chinchilla with a good local boarding for when they travel. The kid is besotted and happy.
Dogs are wonderful but most kids who want one are open to other pets too. Look for something in a container so you can have them in a single room. In my long experience the least stinky pets I’ve had are two fancy rats, very cuddly and sweet.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 4:57 PM on November 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
Dogs are wonderful but most kids who want one are open to other pets too. Look for something in a container so you can have them in a single room. In my long experience the least stinky pets I’ve had are two fancy rats, very cuddly and sweet.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 4:57 PM on November 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
Also, prefer not to spend a lot of time OR money on care.
All other things being equal, this part is really a crapshoot. Logistically an older dog makes sense in terms of a limited commitment on your part -- even if they disrupt your life it will only be for a few years -- but the older the dog you more time you are likely to spend at the vet.
The more serious issue is that dogs are pack animals and they will know if they are not a member of the family. If you take one in you should be thinking more of it like adopting a child and the commitment that takes.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 5:02 PM on November 8, 2023 [4 favorites]
All other things being equal, this part is really a crapshoot. Logistically an older dog makes sense in terms of a limited commitment on your part -- even if they disrupt your life it will only be for a few years -- but the older the dog you more time you are likely to spend at the vet.
The more serious issue is that dogs are pack animals and they will know if they are not a member of the family. If you take one in you should be thinking more of it like adopting a child and the commitment that takes.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 5:02 PM on November 8, 2023 [4 favorites]
I chose a puppy massive furball but I’m going through the no-dog to dog transition and ohhhhh my god my house takes more to clean. The steam mop is my new best friend…other than the dog. He’s past the puppy mess, but it’s muddy paws and drool and half eaten chews and and and. It’s also that I used to have more time. Now I am on walks at least twice a day, 30 min each. It’s great for my health but it’s a commitment.
I love it. But agent of chaos is accurate.
posted by warriorqueen at 5:06 PM on November 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
I love it. But agent of chaos is accurate.
posted by warriorqueen at 5:06 PM on November 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I have never once been around a dog and thought “ah, how quiet, clean, and orderly”. Even cats, though usually pretty quiet, aren’t that clean and orderly. The food and slobber and fur and toys and the items they move and the peepee issues that eventually develop with older pets are definitely not clean or orderly.
The other day I opened some formal clothing I had stored back when I had cats and I was SHOCKED at how much cat fur there was on them. They were my nicest items and had been barely worn and always been carefully hung and yet they were COVERED in fur.
My friend’s elderly dog pooped in her car every single day on the way to the park. She had a whole system of mats and seat covers so the car is fine but it was a lot.
You don’t hear as much about those things, because usually most pet owners love their pet enough to either not notice, or to forgive and overcompensate (I did) but the pet chaos and mess are real! They’re rather like having a 60% or child. Lower maintenance than a human child, but not by much.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 5:19 PM on November 8, 2023 [9 favorites]
The other day I opened some formal clothing I had stored back when I had cats and I was SHOCKED at how much cat fur there was on them. They were my nicest items and had been barely worn and always been carefully hung and yet they were COVERED in fur.
My friend’s elderly dog pooped in her car every single day on the way to the park. She had a whole system of mats and seat covers so the car is fine but it was a lot.
You don’t hear as much about those things, because usually most pet owners love their pet enough to either not notice, or to forgive and overcompensate (I did) but the pet chaos and mess are real! They’re rather like having a 60% or child. Lower maintenance than a human child, but not by much.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 5:19 PM on November 8, 2023 [9 favorites]
I also had a child who desperately wanted a dog (and another child who really wanted one, but less desperately.) But once we had the dog, their initial excitement and desire to spend time with the dog gradually faded. They loved him, but even the kid whose dog he supposedly was turned out not to be all that interested in being heavily involved in training him and caring for him long term. It was okay, because I love dogs and was perfectly willing to take primary responsibility for him. We had him for four years, and then he died unexpectedly while under anesthesia for dental work, which was devastating for all of us (including my husband, who had not really wanted a dog.) We got another dog and she died a couple of years later after tangling with a porcupine and getting quilled in the heart. And then we got a young dog who was sweet and smart but turned out to have some serious behavioral issues that weren't apparent at first. After 5 months of loving him, working with him and stressing over him, we returned him to the shelter (following an incident where he bit one of the kids) and he was ultimately euthanized. Our family dogs have brought my poor kids so much heartache and trauma! We now have a 2-year old dog we raised from a puppy who is sweet and smart and loving and well-behaved and we all love her but I'm not sure the kids (who are now 17 and 20) will ever be able to risk fully giving their hearts to any dog again. I don't think either particularly wants to have a dog once they're on their own.
posted by Redstart at 6:01 PM on November 8, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by Redstart at 6:01 PM on November 8, 2023 [4 favorites]
No. Especially if some part of you is thinking, "We could always return/rehome it if it doesn't work out."
Because what "if it doesn't work out" really means is "whenever it becomes inconvenient".
And that's not just cruel to the dog, it's cruel to the child, no matter their age or willingness/ability to help care for it.
Don't get a pet, especially one that a child might get attached to, unless you're willing to absolutely commit to the longest expected lifespan of that pet, plus a reasonable percentage.
And don't ever get a dog - even one that you believe to be an adult, already well-trained one - unless you're willing to commit to doing the work to adjust any behavioral needs.
Find a friend or neighbor that has a dog child could visit. Consider a pet that requires a great deal less companionship and supervision. Consider fish. Or a houseplant.
And don't get a pet with the expectation that the child is going to ALWAYS be the one caring for the animal, no matter how responsible the child is. Things happen, despite the best of intentions. It's just as cruel to threaten to or actually "get rid" of a pet because the child isn't willing or able to care for it to your standards. The child's primary job is to love the animal and get love and companionship in return. Everything else is a bonus. The responsibility belongs to the adult(s).
posted by stormyteal at 6:59 PM on November 8, 2023 [6 favorites]
Because what "if it doesn't work out" really means is "whenever it becomes inconvenient".
And that's not just cruel to the dog, it's cruel to the child, no matter their age or willingness/ability to help care for it.
Don't get a pet, especially one that a child might get attached to, unless you're willing to absolutely commit to the longest expected lifespan of that pet, plus a reasonable percentage.
And don't ever get a dog - even one that you believe to be an adult, already well-trained one - unless you're willing to commit to doing the work to adjust any behavioral needs.
Find a friend or neighbor that has a dog child could visit. Consider a pet that requires a great deal less companionship and supervision. Consider fish. Or a houseplant.
And don't get a pet with the expectation that the child is going to ALWAYS be the one caring for the animal, no matter how responsible the child is. Things happen, despite the best of intentions. It's just as cruel to threaten to or actually "get rid" of a pet because the child isn't willing or able to care for it to your standards. The child's primary job is to love the animal and get love and companionship in return. Everything else is a bonus. The responsibility belongs to the adult(s).
posted by stormyteal at 6:59 PM on November 8, 2023 [6 favorites]
I mean this in complete seriousness: get your child a plant to care for. I think "care for" is the operative phrase; the act of caring teaches a lot.
posted by SPrintF at 7:27 PM on November 8, 2023
posted by SPrintF at 7:27 PM on November 8, 2023
Make friends with dog owners. I'd be delighted to loan out my sweet-tempered dog when I want to travel. I'd happily bring her to someone's home for a child who loves dogs and wants to pet her and walk her.
posted by theora55 at 7:45 PM on November 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by theora55 at 7:45 PM on November 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks everyone for so many personal, honest and touching stories. To give a little more context, we have other pets, but none that are really a companion which is what the child is looking for. I can see toucan's experience of NEEDING a dog as an emotional companion as a child playing out in my child's life. I am also an animal lover and would probably fall in love with a dog, but at the same time I trying to be realistic in weighing the commitment level and sacrifice which everyone has explained well.
nouvelle-personne's statement that a dog is like a 60% child was really helpful. Children are also messy, chaotic, and EXPENSIVE but worth it in the end. I think that is a good way of thinking about getting a dog and helping me understand if I am ready or not for the commitment.
If I am permitted a follow up question - is a small short haired dog a significantly smaller commitment (e.g. Chihuahua or small hound)? I could see a lot less hair/cleaning issues, less potential for destruction, lesser exercise needs, easier to travel on trips or taking out of the house. Or are those minor conveniences in the big picture of things?
Thanks again everyone!
posted by roaring beast at 7:59 PM on November 8, 2023 [4 favorites]
nouvelle-personne's statement that a dog is like a 60% child was really helpful. Children are also messy, chaotic, and EXPENSIVE but worth it in the end. I think that is a good way of thinking about getting a dog and helping me understand if I am ready or not for the commitment.
If I am permitted a follow up question - is a small short haired dog a significantly smaller commitment (e.g. Chihuahua or small hound)? I could see a lot less hair/cleaning issues, less potential for destruction, lesser exercise needs, easier to travel on trips or taking out of the house. Or are those minor conveniences in the big picture of things?
Thanks again everyone!
posted by roaring beast at 7:59 PM on November 8, 2023 [4 favorites]
Nope. They still shed. Small dogs are prone to anxiety and can bark or be destructive if they are stressed. Small dogs typically have high companionship needs, so leaving them alone all day is not the best.
posted by shock muppet at 8:10 PM on November 8, 2023 [8 favorites]
posted by shock muppet at 8:10 PM on November 8, 2023 [8 favorites]
When we got a short-haired dog, I was amazed by the amount of shedding. There was hair everywhere! Short hair doesn't mean less shedding. The reason the hair is short is that it falls out sooner after it starts growing. There's less grooming required with a short-haired dog, but not less vacuuming, sweeping and hair on your clothes and furniture. Most of my dogs have had more medium-length hair and have shed a lot less. I think the ideal hair length is longer than a hound, but short enough that it doesn't really need to be brushed regularly.
A smaller dog can definitely be more convenient for all the reasons you listed. Our first family dog was probably too big for our kids. He was strong and energetic and also jumpy and mouthy at first and it could be a bit overwhelming for the kids. If I were doing it over again I'd try to stay under 35 pounds for a kid's dog. My mother-in-law had a very small dog that actually was probably just about what you want. He only needed a couple of short walks a day and was not particularly well trained but was so small it really didn't matter. But not every small dog is going to be easy to live with. Jack Russell terriers, for instance, can be extremely active and destructive. A lot of small dogs tend to be really barky, too, which may or may not drive you crazy.
posted by Redstart at 8:27 PM on November 8, 2023
A smaller dog can definitely be more convenient for all the reasons you listed. Our first family dog was probably too big for our kids. He was strong and energetic and also jumpy and mouthy at first and it could be a bit overwhelming for the kids. If I were doing it over again I'd try to stay under 35 pounds for a kid's dog. My mother-in-law had a very small dog that actually was probably just about what you want. He only needed a couple of short walks a day and was not particularly well trained but was so small it really didn't matter. But not every small dog is going to be easy to live with. Jack Russell terriers, for instance, can be extremely active and destructive. A lot of small dogs tend to be really barky, too, which may or may not drive you crazy.
posted by Redstart at 8:27 PM on November 8, 2023
Regarding your follow-up question, I have had a smaller dog (not short-haired though). It was just as much work as our current medium-sized dog and just as messy. Small dogs are very often highly stressed and nervous, making them prone to barking and destructive behaviour. It did have much lower exercise needs, to the extent that it would refuse to walk beyond the point where it felt the walk had gone on long enough and I ended up carrying it home many times. It was easier to carry around etc, but things like going out in the car meant lifting it up and down because it was too short to jump into the car, so kind of annoying sometimes. The reality is that a small dog does all the things a larger dog does, albeit in slightly smaller volumes.
I do feel like our dog, at 23kg (50lb), is a really good size - it helps that it's been well trained, but working breeds are often by nature less skittery than small dogs, so training them is easier.
posted by dg at 8:34 PM on November 8, 2023
I do feel like our dog, at 23kg (50lb), is a really good size - it helps that it's been well trained, but working breeds are often by nature less skittery than small dogs, so training them is easier.
posted by dg at 8:34 PM on November 8, 2023
Re: shedding, I grew up with a golden retreiver and a bassett hound. Based on that, I thought all dogs would leave fur around the house (hyperallergenic dogs included). But this is not so. My family recently got a standard poodle, and she truly does not leave any hair anywhere. She is a chaos-bringer and a hyper charmer, she does bark at random times and drag dirt and leaves into the house. But hair is a non-issue.
This is to say that if you're concerned about fur specifically, you might look for small, hypoallergenic-ish dog breeds (the ones with "hair-not-fur"). There are many.
posted by marlys at 9:04 PM on November 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
This is to say that if you're concerned about fur specifically, you might look for small, hypoallergenic-ish dog breeds (the ones with "hair-not-fur"). There are many.
posted by marlys at 9:04 PM on November 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
Chihuahuas don't always have a great temperament for kids (they can be nippy, especially as they get older and crankier). Something like a Maltese or Maltipoo might be more chill and low-/no-shed.
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 9:16 PM on November 8, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 9:16 PM on November 8, 2023 [3 favorites]
If I am permitted a follow up question - is a small short haired dog a significantly smaller commitment (e.g. Chihuahua or small hound)? I could see a lot less hair/cleaning issues, less potential for destruction, lesser exercise needs, easier to travel on trips or taking out of the house. Or are those minor conveniences in the big picture of things?
Shedding, cleanliness: I think the short hair would do more than the size of the dog. My dog is quite small and sheds a lot. Your child can take a dog of any size outside every day and brush them to reduce the accumulation of fur tumbleweeds. I like those. They're good for cleaning. When I pick them up to throw away, I use the fur tumbleweeds to collect dust off the baseboards.
Having a pet is great for diversifying your microbiome. I read some book by a microbiologist who after putting various households under the microscope got (or considered, I forget) a dog for that reason. The difference is apparently significant.
Time alone: Dogs have evolved for tens of thousands of years to live alongside humans. My small dog prefers not to spend any time alone when given the choice.
Small dogs: Small dogs have higher-pitched barks and sometimes something to prove. Small dogs are delicate and breakable. A small dog will never climb on your kitchen counter. A small dog costs proportionately less in food. Small dog things cost less than big dog things because they use less material.
Communication: Some type of dog training would have really helped me communicate with the dog of my childhood beyond sit/stay/shake. When I got the small dog I have in my life right now, I read a bunch of these books from the library. They helped a lot. I also did pet sitting for a while before adopting. It still took 2-3 years before me and my dog really knew each other.
Parting thoughts: I've known several people who had pets in their teens and 20s while they had few other responsibilities. They generally think those dogs were smart, were the best dog of their lives, etc. Then, as a busy adult in a family, they got dogs again. This time, the dogs were slow to learn. Same people, similar dogs. So I'm pretty sure that with any dog, what you put into the relationship is what you'll get out.
posted by aniola at 10:08 PM on November 8, 2023 [3 favorites]
Shedding, cleanliness: I think the short hair would do more than the size of the dog. My dog is quite small and sheds a lot. Your child can take a dog of any size outside every day and brush them to reduce the accumulation of fur tumbleweeds. I like those. They're good for cleaning. When I pick them up to throw away, I use the fur tumbleweeds to collect dust off the baseboards.
Having a pet is great for diversifying your microbiome. I read some book by a microbiologist who after putting various households under the microscope got (or considered, I forget) a dog for that reason. The difference is apparently significant.
Time alone: Dogs have evolved for tens of thousands of years to live alongside humans. My small dog prefers not to spend any time alone when given the choice.
Small dogs: Small dogs have higher-pitched barks and sometimes something to prove. Small dogs are delicate and breakable. A small dog will never climb on your kitchen counter. A small dog costs proportionately less in food. Small dog things cost less than big dog things because they use less material.
Communication: Some type of dog training would have really helped me communicate with the dog of my childhood beyond sit/stay/shake. When I got the small dog I have in my life right now, I read a bunch of these books from the library. They helped a lot. I also did pet sitting for a while before adopting. It still took 2-3 years before me and my dog really knew each other.
Parting thoughts: I've known several people who had pets in their teens and 20s while they had few other responsibilities. They generally think those dogs were smart, were the best dog of their lives, etc. Then, as a busy adult in a family, they got dogs again. This time, the dogs were slow to learn. Same people, similar dogs. So I'm pretty sure that with any dog, what you put into the relationship is what you'll get out.
posted by aniola at 10:08 PM on November 8, 2023 [3 favorites]
I find it far easier to have a dog I can carry for some distance without dying than to have one I can't. While you want to minimize the times you must enforce your will physically on a dog, when it is necessary, it's usually for an urgent reason like safety or medical treatment; then you will be glad it's possible(-r). My short-haired guy sheds up a storm, but he can't counter-surf or even jump up on the bed by himself, meaning I can worry a little less about his getting into things. Dogs under 15 lbs. can also usually be transported in-cabin on airplanes, which makes travel easier (I don't think I could bring myself to "check" my dog unless I were moving across an ocean). So in that sense, a smaller dog is more manageable. But that doesn't mean easy!
posted by praemunire at 11:08 PM on November 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by praemunire at 11:08 PM on November 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
Re: small dogs. It really, really depends on the dog. I had a 16 lb chihuahua who was pretty low maintenance overall, until he got truly elderly at which point there were a lot of house training accidents and vet visits and specialty foods to prepare.
My current dog is also a small adult dog a little over 20 lbs-- some kind of hound/terrier/dachsund mix-- and she is a terror. She requires a ton of our time (exercise, training, dog proofing) to keep her from chewing things or being mouthy and barky and obnoxious. We adopted this dog six months ago and while we are totally in love with her and see progress towards the well- behaved dog we believe she will be one day, she has been a ton of work and cost a lot of money.
They're living things--a breed or size recommendation is helpful (don't get a cattle dog or a jack russell!) but there are no assurances. And almost no dog is going to be easy right off the bat unless you put in the work to train them or luck out with one that's already been trained by someone else.
That said-- neither of my dogs have been particularly sheddy, both short haired-- so there's that.
posted by ambulanceambiance at 4:27 AM on November 9, 2023
My current dog is also a small adult dog a little over 20 lbs-- some kind of hound/terrier/dachsund mix-- and she is a terror. She requires a ton of our time (exercise, training, dog proofing) to keep her from chewing things or being mouthy and barky and obnoxious. We adopted this dog six months ago and while we are totally in love with her and see progress towards the well- behaved dog we believe she will be one day, she has been a ton of work and cost a lot of money.
They're living things--a breed or size recommendation is helpful (don't get a cattle dog or a jack russell!) but there are no assurances. And almost no dog is going to be easy right off the bat unless you put in the work to train them or luck out with one that's already been trained by someone else.
That said-- neither of my dogs have been particularly sheddy, both short haired-- so there's that.
posted by ambulanceambiance at 4:27 AM on November 9, 2023
is a small short haired dog a significantly smaller commitment (e.g. Chihuahua or small hound)? I could see a lot less hair/cleaning issues, less potential for destruction, lesser exercise needs, easier to travel on trips or taking out of the house. Or are those minor conveniences in the big picture of things?
So you really need to prioritize these needs before getting a breed recommendation, because everything has tradeoffs. Also, consider trying a dog breed selector or two! Personally, I think a short-haired medium-size dog sounds like it will be the bests in the tradeoffs you've expressed, because:
small dogs tend to be less calm (noisier, more anxious), need to go to the bathroom more frequently, and are less okay with being left alone for long periods of time. They are *very* easy to travel with on an *airplane*, but more difficult to travel with in a car. They also are much more susceptible to eating the wrong thing, and can die from even small amounts of improper substances - I know someone whose chihuahua got into an alcoholic drink and died from it. They also live very long - they're a much longer term commitment.
Medium dogs I feel combine the best of both worlds - you can still lift them if need be, they're much easier to travel on a car trip with, but still small enough that you can bring them in a kennel on an airplane. They're often a calmer temperment (depending on breed), can withstand longer periods of solitude, but are still small enough that people don't freak out about them. They bark less than small dogs and are more trainable.
Some of this will also depend on the type of house you have - does it have a yard? Also, are you willing to spare a little expense for a lot less trouble? I bought a roomba (and kept the dog off the couch) and it was worth every penny in dealing with dog fur to the point where I really didn't have to worry about it, even with a German shepherd, with minimal brushing.
posted by corb at 5:33 AM on November 9, 2023
So you really need to prioritize these needs before getting a breed recommendation, because everything has tradeoffs. Also, consider trying a dog breed selector or two! Personally, I think a short-haired medium-size dog sounds like it will be the bests in the tradeoffs you've expressed, because:
small dogs tend to be less calm (noisier, more anxious), need to go to the bathroom more frequently, and are less okay with being left alone for long periods of time. They are *very* easy to travel with on an *airplane*, but more difficult to travel with in a car. They also are much more susceptible to eating the wrong thing, and can die from even small amounts of improper substances - I know someone whose chihuahua got into an alcoholic drink and died from it. They also live very long - they're a much longer term commitment.
Medium dogs I feel combine the best of both worlds - you can still lift them if need be, they're much easier to travel on a car trip with, but still small enough that you can bring them in a kennel on an airplane. They're often a calmer temperment (depending on breed), can withstand longer periods of solitude, but are still small enough that people don't freak out about them. They bark less than small dogs and are more trainable.
Some of this will also depend on the type of house you have - does it have a yard? Also, are you willing to spare a little expense for a lot less trouble? I bought a roomba (and kept the dog off the couch) and it was worth every penny in dealing with dog fur to the point where I really didn't have to worry about it, even with a German shepherd, with minimal brushing.
posted by corb at 5:33 AM on November 9, 2023
If you’re going for it, my recommendation is to budget for obedience classes with a good trainer, and have you and your child (and if possible, other adults caring for the dog) attend. In my classes there can only be one trainer but others can observe. We also did a few private sessions. It helps establish a relationship with the dog and if everyone has consistent ways of doing things, it helps the dog feel secure. It really is a relationship.
We also keep our dog off the furniture. He has his own bed.
posted by warriorqueen at 5:38 AM on November 9, 2023 [2 favorites]
We also keep our dog off the furniture. He has his own bed.
posted by warriorqueen at 5:38 AM on November 9, 2023 [2 favorites]
One way you might be able to "try out" a dog is to volunteer to be a foster family for a local rescue. There are many dogs who, for a variety of reasons, don't do well in shelters, or are with a rescue group that doesn't have a facility. These dogs need places to stay until they are adopted. You won't know much about the dogs in advance, but you can provide a valuable service to the rescue group and the dog. And your time with the dog is finite unless you "foster fail", and find the right match. It's a way to have a dog without a long-term commitment. You can test the waters for yourself and for your kid.
posted by hydra77 at 6:48 AM on November 9, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by hydra77 at 6:48 AM on November 9, 2023 [2 favorites]
A note on shedding: some people will try to sell you that hair coated dogs like poodles and poodle mixes (doodles) are less maintenance because they don't shed, but take this with a massive grain of salt. Hair coats need more on-dog maintenance (brushing, trimming, washing) than shedding types, on a regular schedule, done either by you (time, effort) or a professional groomer (money). Additionally poodle crosses can have strange coat textures depending on the cross breed (including potentially also shedding).
A friend of mine who, like you, really prizes a clean, orderly house, got a cockapoo partially based on ideas about the hypoallergenic no-shed coat; she loves this dog so so much, but is constantly frustrated with the expense and effort of maintaining the dog's coat. It's very much a pick your poison situation.
posted by radiogreentea at 8:19 AM on November 9, 2023
A friend of mine who, like you, really prizes a clean, orderly house, got a cockapoo partially based on ideas about the hypoallergenic no-shed coat; she loves this dog so so much, but is constantly frustrated with the expense and effort of maintaining the dog's coat. It's very much a pick your poison situation.
posted by radiogreentea at 8:19 AM on November 9, 2023
My sister recently got a Cavapoo puppy that I think would meet your needs in terms of temperament and cleanliness. I've been kid/pet/housesitting for her this week and have been amazed at how low maintenance he is. No shedding. Likes playing with the kids when they get home from school, but also content to laze around napping during the day while I work. Gets along with the resident cats that have been here for years. No excessive barking. No behavior issues. My sister got him from a breeder, which isn't my cup of tea but she knew what she wanted and it wasn't available in shelters. He was expensive (over $1k). I can't speak to the hair maintenance issue mentioned in the above comment beyond the fact that I know they take him to a professional groomer.
posted by Nickel at 10:54 AM on November 9, 2023
posted by Nickel at 10:54 AM on November 9, 2023
In general the only pet mammal I'd consider relatively low maintenance and good with children (with appropriate supervision) are rats, and even then it's mostly a matter of differences in scale since they can live in a contained (but not small!) space; they still need plenty of attention, so travel (for instance) would still be an issue. But that's beside the point; I don't think that a dog is going to be a good fit for you or your child.
One thought would be to look into fostering which might be less of a commitment and will give some real-world experience. If you find yourself willing to make lifestyle adjustments after that to accommodate a dog--and let's be honest, it is you that's going to be doing most of the adjusting--, then great! If not, then that's fine too.
posted by Aleyn at 1:46 PM on November 9, 2023
One thought would be to look into fostering which might be less of a commitment and will give some real-world experience. If you find yourself willing to make lifestyle adjustments after that to accommodate a dog--and let's be honest, it is you that's going to be doing most of the adjusting--, then great! If not, then that's fine too.
posted by Aleyn at 1:46 PM on November 9, 2023
I agree with the "no" side (if it's really necessary to weigh in here..) and would guess that fostering is also going to be a bit too traumatic to be a first step.
But I doubt you would have much trouble finding a friend who would rather have their dog visit you for a weekend than spend a couple hundred bucks sending it to a kennel. That would be a great way to see what it's like having a dog around the house without committing. Plus you'd be doing someone a favor.
If after that you find yourself softening (or fluffening) to the idea, a foster is a possible next step as long as the kid is prepared for it to be temporary. With a kid in the mix, "foster failure" is a serious risk! But you do get the full dog experience and although it's temporary, it can be months before adoption happens.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 1:50 PM on November 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
But I doubt you would have much trouble finding a friend who would rather have their dog visit you for a weekend than spend a couple hundred bucks sending it to a kennel. That would be a great way to see what it's like having a dog around the house without committing. Plus you'd be doing someone a favor.
If after that you find yourself softening (or fluffening) to the idea, a foster is a possible next step as long as the kid is prepared for it to be temporary. With a kid in the mix, "foster failure" is a serious risk! But you do get the full dog experience and although it's temporary, it can be months before adoption happens.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 1:50 PM on November 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
Small dogs have small bladders. My friends with small dogs seem to have way more problems with ongoing accidents in the house than my friends with medium to large dogs. We've only ever had medium sized dogs, and I won't say we've never had pee in the house, but it hasn't been a chronic problem.
posted by molasses at 5:06 PM on November 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by molasses at 5:06 PM on November 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
I have a one year old cavapoo and a fourteen year old cockapoo. My house is clean and orderly. When puppy was in the not yet housetrained/destructive chewing phase we managed this with playpens, which have now been phased out. Senior dog occasionally has pee accidents, so there is an added component of cleaning floors more often (we have washable rugs and hardwood floors). My dogs do not shed much at all.
In terms of time involvement, both dogs like to play ball and go for walks, but will be happy to spend a day sitting on your lap snoozing. Kids will get a lot of energy out of dogs via playing too.
But the part you’re not going to get around is the cost. Dogs cost a lot. My vet bills are regularly 500 dollars and up and are more frequent as the older one ages. Going on vacation requires a significant boarding budget. If you work all day, you will need to pay a dog walker; we pay 30 dollars for a half hour visit. Don’t get a dog if you are not aware of and budgeted for the cost.
Best idea - find a friend with a dog. Offer to watch their dog while they go on vacation. They save money and you get a trial experience!
posted by les34 at 5:22 PM on November 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
In terms of time involvement, both dogs like to play ball and go for walks, but will be happy to spend a day sitting on your lap snoozing. Kids will get a lot of energy out of dogs via playing too.
But the part you’re not going to get around is the cost. Dogs cost a lot. My vet bills are regularly 500 dollars and up and are more frequent as the older one ages. Going on vacation requires a significant boarding budget. If you work all day, you will need to pay a dog walker; we pay 30 dollars for a half hour visit. Don’t get a dog if you are not aware of and budgeted for the cost.
Best idea - find a friend with a dog. Offer to watch their dog while they go on vacation. They save money and you get a trial experience!
posted by les34 at 5:22 PM on November 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
Definitely get a dog whose fur is only ONE colour, and that colour should match your clothing and home palette.
If you like pastels, a golden retriever's fur will sort of blend in. If you're goth, a black lab's fur will be fine.
My beloved cat was THREE COLOURS including both white and black fur. Meaning that no matter what colour fabric I had, some percentage of his fur showed up on every single piece of furniture, textile, rug, and clothing I owned. It wasn't cute. (he was tho)
posted by nouvelle-personne at 1:40 PM on November 10, 2023 [1 favorite]
If you like pastels, a golden retriever's fur will sort of blend in. If you're goth, a black lab's fur will be fine.
My beloved cat was THREE COLOURS including both white and black fur. Meaning that no matter what colour fabric I had, some percentage of his fur showed up on every single piece of furniture, textile, rug, and clothing I owned. It wasn't cute. (he was tho)
posted by nouvelle-personne at 1:40 PM on November 10, 2023 [1 favorite]
I had a Jack Russell Terrier from a shelter. He was smart, good-natured, somewhat low maintenance. He needed exercise, but was happy to walk himself at night with no/ low traffic in my area. He was easy to exercise by throwing a tennis ball to retrieve. He did shed, sharp hairs that were a pain to vacuum up. He liked to snuggle and be affectionate. He'd retrieve a tennis ball for much longer than I'd throw it, but when he saw me pick up a book, he'd just join me on the couch. Now I have a standard poodle, who is super-affectionate, likes to play. A toy poodle is a potential match. Poodles have less dander and prompt fewer allergies, but mine leaves clumps of fuzz and many people have poodle fur trimmed every 6 - 10 weeks. I let her fur get long in winter, for warmth.
posted by theora55 at 10:48 AM on November 11, 2023
posted by theora55 at 10:48 AM on November 11, 2023
"If I am permitted a follow up question - is a small short haired dog a significantly smaller commitment (e.g. Chihuahua or small hound)? I could see a lot less hair/cleaning issues, less potential for destruction, lesser exercise needs, easier to travel on trips or taking out of the house. Or are those minor conveniences in the big picture of things?"
Do not get a Chihuahua if you want a chill dog experience. They're barkers. Many of the toy breeds are, and also many of the hypoallergenic ones. Guess what? Small dogs do not need less exercise! That's an oversimplification. There are very few breeds that genuinely need a low amount of exercise, and with them, it's for health reasons. For example, pugs can't go on hikes because they can't breathe. But most small dogs do just fine on long forest walks, they love Agility, they can play for hours...they often get less exercise than bigger dogs, and that contributes to the barking and their generally high levels of energy/anxiety.
What you need, if you're seriously considering a dog despite reservations, is a professional dog trainer (a kind and non-abusive one who's influenced by people like Patricia McConnell, Emily Larlham, Karen Pryor, Ian Dunbar, etc...not Cesar Millan). You want to book a prospective dog owner consultation. You need someone to really go over your needs, dealbreakers, household structure, and goals for your kid. We can throw suggestions at you, but we have so little information that you won't get good results.
That said: From the little bit I know about you now, I'm thinking Border Terrier. They don't shed much because they have wiry hair, but that does mean that they have to go to be groomed regularly. Border Terriers are fun and calm dogs. They can be a bit standoffish, like all terriers, but that might be a good fit for you because you don't want a needy and clingy dog. They still love to play and cuddle, and they're smart. A young Border Terrier would be a disaster for you because they need a lot of stimulation and will get destructive if they don't get it (small dogs still have great destructive potential, the only thing that helps with that is training and meeting the dog's needs). I'm thinking that one from about seven years up would probably be good. To give you a realistic idea of what that dog would likely need to be happy: Not much less than two hours of exercise per day, meaning walks and playtime. Trick training counts, too. Then, meals twice a day (preferably in puzzle toys). Cuddles every day. Bedding washed every other week or so. Nails trimmed once a month at least. Treatment for fleas and ticks once a month. A visit to the groomer's every three months, I think. And, of course, the planning for trips and the possibility of sudden veterinary needs.
Whatever you do, if you do ever get a dog: buy a Roomba at the same time. There is a correlation, unfortunately, between dogs that do not shed and dogs that are nervous barkers.
Be sure to get a senior. That will greatly improve your chances of having a chill companion and not a dog who'll be destructive or hyper. There are thousands/millions of appropriate dogs available right now, so please do not (do not!) give in to the impulse of getting a puppy. They are only extra-cute for about four months. Then they look almost exactly like the adults, but with 700% more energy and "neediness". Plus, it's easy to mess them up accidentally.
A good way to get a dog of sound character, one who hasn't been through traumatic experiences, is to find one whose elderly owner has passed away. Dogs like that can be found via social media. You just need to join some local groups concerned with dogs, and then wait patiently. If your kid is very young or hyper, getting a dog like that might be too much of a change for the dog. But if your kid is calm around animals, that shouldn't be an issue.
Really, though, I wouldn't get too much into the breeds and the perfect candidate. Just organize some doggy time for your kid. I guarantee that right now, neighbors or friends are frantically trying to find a dogsitter. That can be your kid (with your help). Keep it short, like just a daytime visit and then maaayyybe a weekend in a little bit. This should help with the canine longing, and you'll also get real-life experience. Many kids flake out when they understand that dogs need to be walked every day, even if it's pouring and there's Minecraft to play. On the other hand, kids like childhood me will love the experience and grow from it. I used to walk and dogsit a neighborhood dog, and I remember distinctly how it felt to hold his leash, feeling so proud and like I could finally pour all that doggy love into a real being (not just my 500 stuffies of various breeds).
Feel free to memail me if you'd like advice on what to ask the trainer. I've done this a few times.
posted by toucan at 5:37 PM on November 11, 2023
Do not get a Chihuahua if you want a chill dog experience. They're barkers. Many of the toy breeds are, and also many of the hypoallergenic ones. Guess what? Small dogs do not need less exercise! That's an oversimplification. There are very few breeds that genuinely need a low amount of exercise, and with them, it's for health reasons. For example, pugs can't go on hikes because they can't breathe. But most small dogs do just fine on long forest walks, they love Agility, they can play for hours...they often get less exercise than bigger dogs, and that contributes to the barking and their generally high levels of energy/anxiety.
What you need, if you're seriously considering a dog despite reservations, is a professional dog trainer (a kind and non-abusive one who's influenced by people like Patricia McConnell, Emily Larlham, Karen Pryor, Ian Dunbar, etc...not Cesar Millan). You want to book a prospective dog owner consultation. You need someone to really go over your needs, dealbreakers, household structure, and goals for your kid. We can throw suggestions at you, but we have so little information that you won't get good results.
That said: From the little bit I know about you now, I'm thinking Border Terrier. They don't shed much because they have wiry hair, but that does mean that they have to go to be groomed regularly. Border Terriers are fun and calm dogs. They can be a bit standoffish, like all terriers, but that might be a good fit for you because you don't want a needy and clingy dog. They still love to play and cuddle, and they're smart. A young Border Terrier would be a disaster for you because they need a lot of stimulation and will get destructive if they don't get it (small dogs still have great destructive potential, the only thing that helps with that is training and meeting the dog's needs). I'm thinking that one from about seven years up would probably be good. To give you a realistic idea of what that dog would likely need to be happy: Not much less than two hours of exercise per day, meaning walks and playtime. Trick training counts, too. Then, meals twice a day (preferably in puzzle toys). Cuddles every day. Bedding washed every other week or so. Nails trimmed once a month at least. Treatment for fleas and ticks once a month. A visit to the groomer's every three months, I think. And, of course, the planning for trips and the possibility of sudden veterinary needs.
Whatever you do, if you do ever get a dog: buy a Roomba at the same time. There is a correlation, unfortunately, between dogs that do not shed and dogs that are nervous barkers.
Be sure to get a senior. That will greatly improve your chances of having a chill companion and not a dog who'll be destructive or hyper. There are thousands/millions of appropriate dogs available right now, so please do not (do not!) give in to the impulse of getting a puppy. They are only extra-cute for about four months. Then they look almost exactly like the adults, but with 700% more energy and "neediness". Plus, it's easy to mess them up accidentally.
A good way to get a dog of sound character, one who hasn't been through traumatic experiences, is to find one whose elderly owner has passed away. Dogs like that can be found via social media. You just need to join some local groups concerned with dogs, and then wait patiently. If your kid is very young or hyper, getting a dog like that might be too much of a change for the dog. But if your kid is calm around animals, that shouldn't be an issue.
Really, though, I wouldn't get too much into the breeds and the perfect candidate. Just organize some doggy time for your kid. I guarantee that right now, neighbors or friends are frantically trying to find a dogsitter. That can be your kid (with your help). Keep it short, like just a daytime visit and then maaayyybe a weekend in a little bit. This should help with the canine longing, and you'll also get real-life experience. Many kids flake out when they understand that dogs need to be walked every day, even if it's pouring and there's Minecraft to play. On the other hand, kids like childhood me will love the experience and grow from it. I used to walk and dogsit a neighborhood dog, and I remember distinctly how it felt to hold his leash, feeling so proud and like I could finally pour all that doggy love into a real being (not just my 500 stuffies of various breeds).
Feel free to memail me if you'd like advice on what to ask the trainer. I've done this a few times.
posted by toucan at 5:37 PM on November 11, 2023
Response by poster: Update: I think we totally lucked out and got a wonderful rescue dog (we think some type of dachshund mix). She is already somewhat trained, very well behaved, doesn't shed or bark a lot, is very easy going and affectionate. After a few weeks things have been busy, but manageable. Cost were high, but mostly up front. For future readers, I would say some things are less work than expected (for an easygoing dog) but some things are more such as always having to think about the dog when you want to go out. Even with crate training it is hard to leave the dog alone especially in the early days when they are adjusting. And thinking about their poo and pee schedule. This means modifying your schedule a lot. There are a lot of unexpected situations and a learning curve (like how do you take the dog out when it is pouring rain?). But so far we are very happy with our new family member!
posted by roaring beast at 12:28 PM on January 8 [2 favorites]
posted by roaring beast at 12:28 PM on January 8 [2 favorites]
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If you are not willing or able to care for, pay for, and live in the mess of a dog, you should not get a dog. I sincerely don't believe either of you would be happy.
I desperately wanted a dog my entire childhood so what I did was grow up, move out, and then get some dogs. So did my brother. My parents still don't have any pets, and that's great for them.
posted by phunniemee at 1:16 PM on November 8, 2023 [80 favorites]