I know you from somewhere...
August 23, 2023 1:54 PM Subscribe
#metafilterfundraiser2023 My whole adulthood, people have been telling me I look familiar to them. I almost exclusively have never met these people. Everywhere I go people ask, “where have we met?” Context apparently doesn’t matter, it’s happened with vendors at work, newly-introduced friends of a friends, people sharing an elevator. I have questions:
I understand that this happens to everyone sometimes, but it seems to happen to me an inordinate amount (at least once every couple of weeks*). How often does this happen to you/the average person? Are you a chronically familiar face too?
Any theories on what’s happening here? I don’t really look like any celebrities and wouldn’t say I have very “generic” features. I’m a warm person and I smile a lot, so maybe people are just responding to that with recognition? Wacky theories welcome.
How do you recommend I respond to this? It feels rude to shoot someone down when they think we’ve met before. But it also feels silly to engage in a “how do we know each other” dance when I know we haven’t and this is just a thing that happens to me. I’ve started to say, “Oh, you know what’s funny, I get that a lot!” I’m not totally convinced this is the best approach, though people do seem to accept it.
*This phenomenon was especially strong when I was working as a restaurant server, once happening a whopping 5 times in one brunch shift. One person asked where I went to elementary school, another asked if I grew up in Indiana, etc.
I understand that this happens to everyone sometimes, but it seems to happen to me an inordinate amount (at least once every couple of weeks*). How often does this happen to you/the average person? Are you a chronically familiar face too?
Any theories on what’s happening here? I don’t really look like any celebrities and wouldn’t say I have very “generic” features. I’m a warm person and I smile a lot, so maybe people are just responding to that with recognition? Wacky theories welcome.
How do you recommend I respond to this? It feels rude to shoot someone down when they think we’ve met before. But it also feels silly to engage in a “how do we know each other” dance when I know we haven’t and this is just a thing that happens to me. I’ve started to say, “Oh, you know what’s funny, I get that a lot!” I’m not totally convinced this is the best approach, though people do seem to accept it.
*This phenomenon was especially strong when I was working as a restaurant server, once happening a whopping 5 times in one brunch shift. One person asked where I went to elementary school, another asked if I grew up in Indiana, etc.
It rarely happens to me, but I'm Chinese American. There are no famous people that look like me in Western culture.
posted by advicepig at 2:06 PM on August 23, 2023
posted by advicepig at 2:06 PM on August 23, 2023
Best answer: There are a few faces that follow me everywhere. If enough key features are repeated, I can't help but see them as looking alike, even if none of the other features match.
The two I see most often are:
-a boy I grew up with, who doesn't look like this actor much at all, but there's something about the eye and mouth width ratio that I see over and over in faces all the time, so I think SO many people look like this boy I grew up with when in fact they don't.
-a girl in college who I didn't like much, who doesn't look like this woman who was on top chef season 5 but they have the same bridge of the nose, and it's a nose bridge I see in faces everywhere over and over, so I think SO many people look like this mean girl from college when in fact they don't.
It may be less that you look LIKE someone, and more that you have a slightly distinctive or unique combination of features that you share with enough other people that it kicks that recognition into gear.
posted by phunniemee at 2:11 PM on August 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
The two I see most often are:
-a boy I grew up with, who doesn't look like this actor much at all, but there's something about the eye and mouth width ratio that I see over and over in faces all the time, so I think SO many people look like this boy I grew up with when in fact they don't.
-a girl in college who I didn't like much, who doesn't look like this woman who was on top chef season 5 but they have the same bridge of the nose, and it's a nose bridge I see in faces everywhere over and over, so I think SO many people look like this mean girl from college when in fact they don't.
It may be less that you look LIKE someone, and more that you have a slightly distinctive or unique combination of features that you share with enough other people that it kicks that recognition into gear.
posted by phunniemee at 2:11 PM on August 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
Does it happen to you only in your own city or everywhere? Have you ever worked or hobbied in a setting where you get SEEN a lot but not known? Sometimes when I see someone out and about in the city and think I know them from somewhere, when I eventually figure it out (on my own, not asking them) it's that they work somewhere I've been or I go. Like they work at a store or coffee shop or something. One time I swore the librarian and I had met when I was at a library and (this time with her help) we discovered she lived in my building. I didn't know her but I had seen her.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 2:17 PM on August 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 2:17 PM on August 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
I get this too, but mostly because my mother and I look alike and share the same hobby, and practitioners of this hobby are a small tight community. Typically someone of about her age will meet me and look at me funny and might ask if we've met before, at which point I'll gently suggest they might know my mother.
posted by altolinguistic at 2:19 PM on August 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by altolinguistic at 2:19 PM on August 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
In pre-covid days this happened to me maybe quarterly-ish? Hasn't happened since, though; wearing a mask seems to throw off people's recognition algorithms.
It didn't happen often enough that I had any particular strategy for dealing with it.
posted by Stacey at 2:30 PM on August 23, 2023
It didn't happen often enough that I had any particular strategy for dealing with it.
posted by Stacey at 2:30 PM on August 23, 2023
Best answer: "Wacky theories welcome" - low-key flirting?
posted by Iris Gambol at 2:31 PM on August 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by Iris Gambol at 2:31 PM on August 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
Best answer: This has literally never happened to me in my life.
posted by AbelMelveny at 2:34 PM on August 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by AbelMelveny at 2:34 PM on August 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
Are these older people? I'm kind of old now and I've met enough people that sometimes I have to remind myself that someone I knew in Chicago in 2005 is extremely unlikely to be here in 2023 looking virtually unchanged. I tend not to ask people if we've met but I sometimes need to reason myself out of it.
Also, I once had an extended conversation with someone as we both slowly realized that we did not know each other "from somewhere" but in fact had never met before and just resembled other people we knew. We continued to fake it and parted ways smiling. It was very awkward.
posted by Frowner at 2:38 PM on August 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
Also, I once had an extended conversation with someone as we both slowly realized that we did not know each other "from somewhere" but in fact had never met before and just resembled other people we knew. We continued to fake it and parted ways smiling. It was very awkward.
posted by Frowner at 2:38 PM on August 23, 2023 [6 favorites]
Response by poster: Well, whaddya look like?
Good Q, but I don't want to link this account to my real life face! I'm an early 30s blondish white lady.
Does it happen to you only in your own city or everywhere? Have you ever worked or hobbied in a setting where you get SEEN a lot but not known?
It's happened to me in various places I've lived across the country, and I live in NYC now so I think the large population would control for that? A good theory for my restaurant-server days though.
low-key flirting?
Love this theory as it would imply all ages, genders, etc. in all contexts find me irresistible.
Are these older people?
Lots of ages! Skewed slightly towards people around my age, I think.
posted by rabbitbookworm at 2:38 PM on August 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
Good Q, but I don't want to link this account to my real life face! I'm an early 30s blondish white lady.
Does it happen to you only in your own city or everywhere? Have you ever worked or hobbied in a setting where you get SEEN a lot but not known?
It's happened to me in various places I've lived across the country, and I live in NYC now so I think the large population would control for that? A good theory for my restaurant-server days though.
low-key flirting?
Love this theory as it would imply all ages, genders, etc. in all contexts find me irresistible.
Are these older people?
Lots of ages! Skewed slightly towards people around my age, I think.
posted by rabbitbookworm at 2:38 PM on August 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
I’m a warm person and I smile a lot, so maybe people are just responding to that with recognition?
It happens to me, (not to the extent you are describing), but that's exactly why I think it happens. I have a "put you at your ease" energy (especially when working) so people think we already have a connection.
I look nothing like my sister but we speak the same and have similar mannerisms, so despite totally different faces and personalities people have asked if we are identical twins! I think they feel something and are just guessing about what it is.
posted by Emmy Rae at 2:45 PM on August 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
It happens to me, (not to the extent you are describing), but that's exactly why I think it happens. I have a "put you at your ease" energy (especially when working) so people think we already have a connection.
I look nothing like my sister but we speak the same and have similar mannerisms, so despite totally different faces and personalities people have asked if we are identical twins! I think they feel something and are just guessing about what it is.
posted by Emmy Rae at 2:45 PM on August 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
I'm an early 30s blondish white lady.
Given this information I think phunniemee has it - there's not exactly a shortage of blondish white ladies in the US, and that plus some other feature or combination of features is triggering a "she looks familiar" spark.
posted by soundguy99 at 2:48 PM on August 23, 2023
Given this information I think phunniemee has it - there's not exactly a shortage of blondish white ladies in the US, and that plus some other feature or combination of features is triggering a "she looks familiar" spark.
posted by soundguy99 at 2:48 PM on August 23, 2023
Counterpoint: I’m a warm-seeming, friendly 37yo white woman with blonde-ish hair, I’m decently social, and this rarely/never happens to me.
Fwiw, I have been told that the celebrity I look most like is Jodie Foster, and I do think she’s relatively distinctive looking. (Also I have a pic in my profile) If you look more like, for example, Amy Adams, you might get that “you look familiar…” more often as she has some more familiar/symmetrical features.
posted by samthemander at 2:54 PM on August 23, 2023
Fwiw, I have been told that the celebrity I look most like is Jodie Foster, and I do think she’s relatively distinctive looking. (Also I have a pic in my profile) If you look more like, for example, Amy Adams, you might get that “you look familiar…” more often as she has some more familiar/symmetrical features.
posted by samthemander at 2:54 PM on August 23, 2023
Best answer: Are you conventionally attractive? Attractive people kind of sort of look alike- the facial symmetry I think? It’s quite unusual so people think they recognise you.
posted by Dwardles at 3:00 PM on August 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by Dwardles at 3:00 PM on August 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
I have been told that the celebrity I look most like is Jodie Foster
Jodie Foster also has one of those faces, for me. For example, Brad Dourif. Tell me I'm wrong. It's a unique set of facial features, and when you see it, you see it. There's a guy in my boyfriend's building who has this face, and dozens and dozens of other people, too.
posted by phunniemee at 3:07 PM on August 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
Jodie Foster also has one of those faces, for me. For example, Brad Dourif. Tell me I'm wrong. It's a unique set of facial features, and when you see it, you see it. There's a guy in my boyfriend's building who has this face, and dozens and dozens of other people, too.
posted by phunniemee at 3:07 PM on August 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
While this doesn't really every happen to me, the, what, inverse?, happens all the time in that I think almost everyone I meet looks familiar. If I think about it long enough sometimes I can figure out why, but usually not.
I also pretty frequently experience deja vu. I usually just chalk both up to the wiring.
posted by sevenless at 3:12 PM on August 23, 2023
I also pretty frequently experience deja vu. I usually just chalk both up to the wiring.
posted by sevenless at 3:12 PM on August 23, 2023
Re wacky ideas... Well there is some research published on look-alikes, , and it draws on a photography project by Francois Brunelle: I’m not a look-alike! is a project dedicated to photograph look-alikes around the world, organize an international exhibition with them and publish a book. The photos are in Black and White.
More Photos (scroll down), and some more
posted by 15L06 at 3:22 PM on August 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
More Photos (scroll down), and some more
posted by 15L06 at 3:22 PM on August 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
I've had this happen a few times. Like, at the grocery store. "Didn't you used to work at DHS?" No. ""yes I'm sure you are so-and-so". No, I'm not.
And as a long-haired freak, I don't look like most random folks. It was a bit unnerving.
And then there was the time that another long-haired dude was in the newspaper, attending a job fair. Everyone at work was all, "saw you in the paper, are you leaving?"
posted by Windopaene at 3:33 PM on August 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
And as a long-haired freak, I don't look like most random folks. It was a bit unnerving.
And then there was the time that another long-haired dude was in the newspaper, attending a job fair. Everyone at work was all, "saw you in the paper, are you leaving?"
posted by Windopaene at 3:33 PM on August 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
Unrelated doppelgangers is a known thing. My dad still gets approached on the street for autographs, even though the celebrity he uncannily resembles has been dead for years now.
For your case, that you look familiar but no one can really put their finger on how, I hypothesize that it's something about your subtle facial expressions, or how you move, or your laugh, or something ephemeral and fleeting like that. Like, you smiled at them just like So-And-So does, and it triggered that sense of recognition. But then when your smile ends that's also the end of the familiarity, and so then they're puzzled that your face doesn't seem to be in the mental catalog of faces that they know.
posted by (F)utility at 3:33 PM on August 23, 2023
For your case, that you look familiar but no one can really put their finger on how, I hypothesize that it's something about your subtle facial expressions, or how you move, or your laugh, or something ephemeral and fleeting like that. Like, you smiled at them just like So-And-So does, and it triggered that sense of recognition. But then when your smile ends that's also the end of the familiarity, and so then they're puzzled that your face doesn't seem to be in the mental catalog of faces that they know.
posted by (F)utility at 3:33 PM on August 23, 2023
I also smile a lot and look approachable, and only very rarely do I hear that I look like someone they know. But I also think I have a distinctive face, so that may be it. And then... I came across someone's Facebook profile who looks like my doppelganger. (I'm in the US, and she's Brazilian, so I doubt we are any relation but seeing her photo gave me chills.)
posted by DrGail at 3:37 PM on August 23, 2023
posted by DrGail at 3:37 PM on August 23, 2023
Clay Hayes who won season 8 of alone has a face I’ve seen a million times; it’s like average guy face. With and without the beard.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 3:41 PM on August 23, 2023
posted by St. Peepsburg at 3:41 PM on August 23, 2023
This happened to me all the time when I used public transit more! I don’t resemble anyone famous, these people were definitely not flirting with me - I just think I have a familiar face. And it was a range of people from a range of places. Once a guy on the NYC subway asked me in Spanish what part of Colombia I was from, and I’m not Latina at all. So this isn’t just you, but I have no explanation.
Edit to add: I’m a white woman with now-graying brown hair, no notable characteristics except a couple of unique-to-me tattoos. Shrug.
posted by centrifugal at 3:44 PM on August 23, 2023
Edit to add: I’m a white woman with now-graying brown hair, no notable characteristics except a couple of unique-to-me tattoos. Shrug.
posted by centrifugal at 3:44 PM on August 23, 2023
This happens to me the opposite way. I am the one who asks if I met you somewhere. Many years ago I was rush chairman of my fraternity and I met so many people it was hard to keep them straight and meet enough people and you will find two people that look alike. Also, as an adult, in my community, I was a public person who met lots and lots of people.
Asking the question, have we met, is a coping mechanism for me. I don't want to be rude and say I have no fucking idea who you are, so I play it off as I know I am supposed to know you, but out of context, I do not recognize how I know you. I would say that while you cannot know why someone says that to you, if that person is in a position to have met lots of people once or just a few times, they may use that question as a way to acknowledge you, but not why they should know you.
Slightly off topic, but you would be surprised when you actually do see someone famous on the street or out of their fame's context how they don't look so much like you see them on the big or small screen. The only reason I recognized Sly Stallone was because he was short, and that lead me to figure out why I knew him.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 4:06 PM on August 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
Asking the question, have we met, is a coping mechanism for me. I don't want to be rude and say I have no fucking idea who you are, so I play it off as I know I am supposed to know you, but out of context, I do not recognize how I know you. I would say that while you cannot know why someone says that to you, if that person is in a position to have met lots of people once or just a few times, they may use that question as a way to acknowledge you, but not why they should know you.
Slightly off topic, but you would be surprised when you actually do see someone famous on the street or out of their fame's context how they don't look so much like you see them on the big or small screen. The only reason I recognized Sly Stallone was because he was short, and that lead me to figure out why I knew him.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 4:06 PM on August 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
I don’t get this very often, but it happens a couple of times a year, and I have a cleft lip!!!! I always ask (in a really chill way) if the person I’m being mistaken for also has a cleft lip, and people always say no, not that they’re aware of.
posted by 8603 at 4:12 PM on August 23, 2023
posted by 8603 at 4:12 PM on August 23, 2023
Best answer: Have we met? Your question makes you sound really familiar to me!
(I am the OP's mom.)
posted by rekrap at 4:22 PM on August 23, 2023 [24 favorites]
(I am the OP's mom.)
posted by rekrap at 4:22 PM on August 23, 2023 [24 favorites]
I'm a middle aged white lady with brown hair and get this a ton. Also people who have met me often forget that they have. In Italy people thought I was Italian (I am not at all), oh high school a friend from India said I looked just like her cousin and it was true, I had a Korean woman ask me if I was part Korean once (?). I've always assumed I'm just extra generic looking. It's a little frustrating to not be recognized at work sometimes but also some nice to be invisible.
posted by sepviva at 4:34 PM on August 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by sepviva at 4:34 PM on August 23, 2023 [2 favorites]
I've had people mistake me for someone else repeatedly in two different places I've lived. Several times over a period of a dozen years I had people come up to me in Ithaca, NY, and say "hi Jennifer". My name is not Jennifer, not even close. I finally started asking them who this Jennifer person was and got her last name and then found out she had moved away.
Then I lived in coastal Massachusetts I repeatedly got asked if if I was the daughter, niece, sister, cousin, etc. of various people with clearly Portuguese or Cape Verdean names. I have no Portuguese or Cape Verdean ancestry.
Now I'm back in Ithaca and nobody has called me Jennifer so far.
posted by mareli at 5:01 PM on August 23, 2023
Then I lived in coastal Massachusetts I repeatedly got asked if if I was the daughter, niece, sister, cousin, etc. of various people with clearly Portuguese or Cape Verdean names. I have no Portuguese or Cape Verdean ancestry.
Now I'm back in Ithaca and nobody has called me Jennifer so far.
posted by mareli at 5:01 PM on August 23, 2023
I used to get this all the time when I lived in a city, walked around all the time, and was generally out. I got a mix of: jack black, Ron Moore, a young terry gilliam, the guy from pinback. Round face, dark beard, above average (I think quite a bit more) attractiveness. I also got asked directions a lot. I tend to make eye contact, am generally warm, and the opposite of whatever intimidating is.
posted by MisantropicPainforest at 5:05 PM on August 23, 2023
posted by MisantropicPainforest at 5:05 PM on August 23, 2023
I get this a lot. I also get the “guessing ethnicity” thing, I think because I look jewish but live in an area with few Jews. I’m in my 40s, female, dark hair. I’ve been asked if I’m Lebanese, Italian, Greek, German or Arab. I’ve been told I look like a wide range of celebrities, but I don’t. Once on vacation someone thought I looked familiar, and it turned out she went to school with my dad, 50 years earlier. I don’t even look like my dad, I look exactly like my mom.
posted by Valancy Rachel at 5:25 PM on August 23, 2023
posted by Valancy Rachel at 5:25 PM on August 23, 2023
Oh, I used to get this all the time. Used to drive my SO nuts, because if people think they know you they treat you with a certain familiarity which would lead to special treatment. Once in Belize we were on San Pedro and ALL the locals were greeting me and calling me "Jim." It was disconcerting. Finally I asked a woman who this Jim character was. She said "You look just like him! He runs the Palapa bar at the North end of the island." So we walked over the bridge and didn't make it twelve steps before someone, thinking I was Jim, stopped their golf cart to give us a ride. When I finally met Jim and told him why I sought him out he said "I'm bigger." (I'm 6'4 and at the time a muscular 240, he had a good 2 inches and 20 lbs on me.) I said "I'm cuter!" And had my SO snap a photo. I still don't see the resemblance other than we're both big white guys with long blond hair, but sometimes that's all it takes.
posted by Floydd at 5:37 PM on August 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Floydd at 5:37 PM on August 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
I get this a lot when introduced to new people. In fact, I just had it happen last week. It's never anyone famous, it happens to be someone else in their social circle. My response is "I get that a lot - I think I just have a familiar face"
posted by Sparky Buttons at 5:39 PM on August 23, 2023
posted by Sparky Buttons at 5:39 PM on August 23, 2023
Best answer: I have also gotten this my whole life and ultimately concluded it’s a combination of having 1) an extremely expressive/high-contrast face (babies love me) and 2) an unusual but at the same time invisible multi-ethnic look overall (I am Western European—Irish+Italian as far as I know—but have been frequently clocked as “part” Asian, Russian, and Polynesian).
posted by lovableiago at 7:02 PM on August 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by lovableiago at 7:02 PM on August 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
Used to happen to me a fair amount when I was younger. I was told I looked like professional wrestler Gorgeous Jimmy Garvin's girlfriend Precious, and one time a guy told me I looked like Shelly Long. I also used to get mistaken for another regular person... a young woman who lived in the same area. Several times strangers would come up to me and start talking to me as if I was her.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 7:02 PM on August 23, 2023
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 7:02 PM on August 23, 2023
It never happens to me, but on my mother's side, I belong to an ethnicity that is pretty much completely unknown in the United States. I look "ambiguously ethnic" -- so people I meet in passing sometimes think I am whatever they are on a general background level (Greek, Lebanese, Turkish, Italian, Latina), but beyond that initial reaction, I think most people in the United States have never seen a person who looks like me enough that I would provoke an "I know you from somewhere" reaction.
posted by virve at 7:12 PM on August 23, 2023
posted by virve at 7:12 PM on August 23, 2023
When you smile at people you meet for the first time, are you kind of raising your eyebrows at all, or doing a bit of an upward nod?
Like, there's a way that people smile at others that isn't just warm and friendly, but is a "Hey, I recognise/know you" smile.
Think of the, "Hey neighbour!" smile or head nod, even without words, it's not the same as the smile to a stranger (tighter jaw for me, I think?).
Add a little bit of surprise (widen the eyes usually, little forehead raise), and it comes across as, "Hi person who I indicate I recognise, but haven't seen in a long while!".
So, if you don't think you *do* look like other people, then it might be a body language thing.
It's better in customer service to look like you recognise someone you don't, than to blank on a customer you've served before, so you can develop a certain mannerism, but if a customer hasn't ever seen you before, then that "you're familiar" expression will have them trying to figure out where they know you from, even if you don't know them.
I've also known people with bad eyesight to develop a, 'always smiling like you know someone', expression, because otherwise people would get offended at them 'blanking' on the st, and really it's just that they're pretty blind, even with glasses.
And, I get this a bit, even though I don't look that much like anyone else, and I assume it's because I'm Adhd, poor memory, and assume if someone smiles at me that I should probably know who they are and have forgotten. I thiiiink I've made friends on the basis neither of us wanted to admit we didn't know where we knew the other person from, but, given I never figured that out, we may not have??
posted by Elysum at 7:38 PM on August 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
Like, there's a way that people smile at others that isn't just warm and friendly, but is a "Hey, I recognise/know you" smile.
Think of the, "Hey neighbour!" smile or head nod, even without words, it's not the same as the smile to a stranger (tighter jaw for me, I think?).
Add a little bit of surprise (widen the eyes usually, little forehead raise), and it comes across as, "Hi person who I indicate I recognise, but haven't seen in a long while!".
So, if you don't think you *do* look like other people, then it might be a body language thing.
It's better in customer service to look like you recognise someone you don't, than to blank on a customer you've served before, so you can develop a certain mannerism, but if a customer hasn't ever seen you before, then that "you're familiar" expression will have them trying to figure out where they know you from, even if you don't know them.
I've also known people with bad eyesight to develop a, 'always smiling like you know someone', expression, because otherwise people would get offended at them 'blanking' on the st, and really it's just that they're pretty blind, even with glasses.
And, I get this a bit, even though I don't look that much like anyone else, and I assume it's because I'm Adhd, poor memory, and assume if someone smiles at me that I should probably know who they are and have forgotten. I thiiiink I've made friends on the basis neither of us wanted to admit we didn't know where we knew the other person from, but, given I never figured that out, we may not have??
posted by Elysum at 7:38 PM on August 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
I get this all the time! My normal quip is “oh, you must have met the good twin!” with a laugh. I think it’s because I have one big distinguishing feature (long hair) that most people only associate with one other person so they confuse me with whomever that is. At a convention once I was getting “do I know you?” and “you look like my friend!” a lot and finally I met the person they were confusing me with, a women about my age with the same hair. We had nothing else in common.
posted by lepus at 9:04 PM on August 23, 2023
posted by lepus at 9:04 PM on August 23, 2023
I just remembered this TikTok account I enjoy, who posts pictures of pairs of celebrities who resemble one another: Celebs Written in the Same Font. Some of them are a bit of a stretch but many are uncanny.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 2:13 AM on August 24, 2023
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 2:13 AM on August 24, 2023
I'm a middle aged white lady with brown hair and get this a ton. Also people who have met me often forget that they have. In Italy people thought I was Italian (I am not at all), oh high school a friend from India said I looked just like her cousin and it was true, I had a Korean woman ask me if I was part Korean once (?). I've always assumed I'm just extra generic looking. It's a little frustrating to not be recognized at work sometimes but also some nice to be invisible.
sepviva, we must be long-lost twins, although my hair is no longer brown! People frequently tell me I look familiar, people ask me for directions in the local language wherever I go (although I've only really traveled in places where lots of white people live), and my Korean dry cleaner once asked me if I was Jewish or Korean (I'm an Anglo/Irish/Northern European-American gentile, but these were her first two guesses).
I'm conventionally attractive but not, like, actress/model beautiful, and I suspect I am generally fairly friendly-looking; that's my best guess as to why I get this. I'm like the Default White Lady.
posted by mskyle at 4:55 AM on August 24, 2023
sepviva, we must be long-lost twins, although my hair is no longer brown! People frequently tell me I look familiar, people ask me for directions in the local language wherever I go (although I've only really traveled in places where lots of white people live), and my Korean dry cleaner once asked me if I was Jewish or Korean (I'm an Anglo/Irish/Northern European-American gentile, but these were her first two guesses).
I'm conventionally attractive but not, like, actress/model beautiful, and I suspect I am generally fairly friendly-looking; that's my best guess as to why I get this. I'm like the Default White Lady.
posted by mskyle at 4:55 AM on August 24, 2023
This happens to me all the time, usually not with strangers but with people I'm meeting by name for the first time. I've chalked it up to having a face with extraordinarily common features--just another white femme woman whose features are easily used by humans' natural pattern matching instincts. For what it's worth, I believe and have been told I bear a strong resemblance to Allison Moyet with this look.
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 5:12 AM on August 24, 2023
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 5:12 AM on August 24, 2023
I’m the 40ish white guy version of this, and have been getting “don’t I know you?” and responding “sorry, I just have one of those faces” my whole adult life, through several different looks in terms of hair, beard, and clothes. I also get asked directions a lot. It’s usually just low key awkward, but has resulted in a couple of interesting situations. One time I met the guitarist from one of my favourite bands after a show, and he was convinced I was some guy he owed money to. After a brief intense exchange, we were both happy/relieved to meet each other. I don’t think it’s a personality thing, because I’m pretty quiet and I’ve been told that reads differently to different people, from chill to awkward to vaguely menacing (?!). Maybe we’re Rorschach test people, and are easily projected upon.
posted by threecheesetrees at 8:35 AM on August 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by threecheesetrees at 8:35 AM on August 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
I've actually gotten this a decent amount in the past and I think of myself as a sort of unusual looking person in that I'm very tall for a woman and have red hair. Someone showed me a picture of the person they thought I looked like once and I didn't think we looked that much alike (though that person was more attractive than I think of myself as being, so I took it as a compliment).
I usually say something along the lines of, "Yeah, I've got a lot of doppelgangers running around, apparently!" And leave it at that.
posted by knownfossils at 10:40 AM on August 24, 2023
I usually say something along the lines of, "Yeah, I've got a lot of doppelgangers running around, apparently!" And leave it at that.
posted by knownfossils at 10:40 AM on August 24, 2023
I think Elysium is on the right track. If you are looking around at people and smiling it is a sign of visual engagement, like right below the level of saying “hello”. They may not be recognizing you so much as thinking “this person recognizes me so I should be able to recognize them, but from where?”
posted by Hypatia at 10:40 AM on August 24, 2023
posted by Hypatia at 10:40 AM on August 24, 2023
Response by poster: Thanks for the deep dive into this funny phenemenon in my life! I marked some best answers for people that made me smile or think. Hi mom :)
For what it's worth, the celebrity I've been compared with most often is Claire Danes - something along the lines of this photo. But mostly people are not mistaking me for anyone or telling me a look like a celebrity or someone they know, they think they know me.
phunniemee's theory has occurred to me too and I think it's probably the most likely answer! I do have a couple of kinda-distinctive features (like my nose) that enough people must share that I seem recognizable.
This has been fun, thanks to the mods for the chance to chat.
posted by rabbitbookworm at 11:38 AM on August 24, 2023
For what it's worth, the celebrity I've been compared with most often is Claire Danes - something along the lines of this photo. But mostly people are not mistaking me for anyone or telling me a look like a celebrity or someone they know, they think they know me.
phunniemee's theory has occurred to me too and I think it's probably the most likely answer! I do have a couple of kinda-distinctive features (like my nose) that enough people must share that I seem recognizable.
This has been fun, thanks to the mods for the chance to chat.
posted by rabbitbookworm at 11:38 AM on August 24, 2023
This happens to me multiple times a year and it's been in all contexts from strangers in an airport to Wayne Coyne being sure I worked with him at Capitol Records in the 80s (highly unlikely because I was a wee lass then.)
I think it has something to do with seeking connection and finding patterns. I have a friendly face, smile a lot, etc. The barriers are low to approach so people do.
Also, I think people want you to be whoever they think you are because it would be SO COOL if you were and it would make a great story. And who doesn't want one of those?
posted by *s at 11:43 AM on August 24, 2023
I think it has something to do with seeking connection and finding patterns. I have a friendly face, smile a lot, etc. The barriers are low to approach so people do.
Also, I think people want you to be whoever they think you are because it would be SO COOL if you were and it would make a great story. And who doesn't want one of those?
posted by *s at 11:43 AM on August 24, 2023
I have the same experience, less so now that I'm old and white-haired. When I had a mass of dark wavy hair, dark eyes/ brows, it was distinctive. I've had someone follow me in an airport start to speak and then say OMG, you aren't so-and-so, but def. her doppelganger. In retrospect, flirting was a possibility, but I never, ever recognize flirting.
posted by theora55 at 12:16 PM on August 24, 2023
posted by theora55 at 12:16 PM on August 24, 2023
Another one here, I get this a LOT, am also frequently mistaken for a local nearly everywhere I go. I used to get told I looked like lots of different celebrities, but that happens less often now.
I have a theory that pheromones could make someone seem familiar to others...
posted by acridrabbit at 2:15 PM on August 24, 2023
I have a theory that pheromones could make someone seem familiar to others...
posted by acridrabbit at 2:15 PM on August 24, 2023
This used to happen to me all the time, and now it does rarely. I was conventionally attractive, if I may say so myself, in my twenties. Now I'm in my fifties and unremarkable. I think there's a connection.
posted by The corpse in the library at 5:17 PM on August 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by The corpse in the library at 5:17 PM on August 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
I get this a LOT, a whole lot. I'm not particularly attractive or distinctive. I definitely had a doppelganger running around Atlanta but I've also spent years in Denver, Chattanooga, San Diego, among others and people everywhere think they know me or just saw me or met me previously. The creepiest was when a park ranger in Chattanooga thought he found my wallet till he checked and it was a totally different person. He brought it to me to see if I had a sister but it looked just like me, even to me! But it was a complete stranger.
I have also been compared to Claire Danes but also Christina Hendricks when I gained weight and was a little more chesty. But honestly, I'm just a plain looking red head that is kinda curvy but somewhat in the public eye due to some jobs. I just tell people now that I have one of those faces.
posted by stormygrey at 8:16 PM on August 24, 2023
I have also been compared to Claire Danes but also Christina Hendricks when I gained weight and was a little more chesty. But honestly, I'm just a plain looking red head that is kinda curvy but somewhat in the public eye due to some jobs. I just tell people now that I have one of those faces.
posted by stormygrey at 8:16 PM on August 24, 2023
Best answer: Haha maybe they think you are me, I get this too and sounds like I am similar looking in a similar location.
posted by ferret branca at 5:43 PM on August 26, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by ferret branca at 5:43 PM on August 26, 2023 [1 favorite]
In some cases this can be a deliberate tactic to get you to give up information about yourself, either in a ham handed way of making small talk, someone who's looking for you to join their MLM, or for darker purposes.
Most of the time it's probably just a strange way of making small talk. But it might be best to stick with friendly answers, not the sort of thing where someone can call up rekrap and start spinning some story about how they are a friend from elementary school back in the state you answered that wasn't Indiana, and they just happened to see that you were just arrested/hospitalized/etc and as your old friend they need gift cards for bail money or something.
You don't have to engage with these, just say something about how you don't think you know them and redirect the conversation away from their grilling you with questions "Oh, did you live in Indiana, what did you like about it?"
posted by yohko at 4:21 PM on August 29, 2023
Most of the time it's probably just a strange way of making small talk. But it might be best to stick with friendly answers, not the sort of thing where someone can call up rekrap and start spinning some story about how they are a friend from elementary school back in the state you answered that wasn't Indiana, and they just happened to see that you were just arrested/hospitalized/etc and as your old friend they need gift cards for bail money or something.
You don't have to engage with these, just say something about how you don't think you know them and redirect the conversation away from their grilling you with questions "Oh, did you live in Indiana, what did you like about it?"
posted by yohko at 4:21 PM on August 29, 2023
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posted by tristeza at 2:02 PM on August 23, 2023 [8 favorites]