Managers, please help me with phrasing some feedback

August 14, 2023 12:46 PM

We have an upcoming meeting to discuss pipeline talent. Junior managers will be presented and other managers/Sr. Managers are expected to comment what they have observed or heard about folks that do not report directly to them. Note - junior managers are not present in this meeting.

Looking phrases to describe a junior manager who is bright, hard working and capable of the core aspects of his job. I’ll call him Brian. From what I’ve had visibility to, Brian gives good presentations, understand the metrics central to his role, and manages up well.

However, Brian has demonstrated some challenges with soft skills including the following: he is viewed as overly demanding to work for/with, can sometimes comes off as seeming superior, too aggressive, sometimes condescending, sometimes self righteous, believes he should be promoted ASAP, talks publicly about feeling slighted if he feels he isn’t credited for an idea sufficiently.

Context: this is within a company with fairly slow progression in roles, and a culture of paying your dues, and a love of using words such as ‘opportunities’ or ‘tricky’ to soften negative feedback. There will be expectation that both positive comments and ‘opportunities’ be surfaced in front of the group.

What are some phrases would you use to describe Brian’s opportunities/challenges?

posted by walkinginsunshine to Work & Money (23 answers total)

Does Brian belong to any marginalized groups? I think any reporting on his conduct should be informed by that.
posted by praemunire at 12:49 PM on August 14, 2023 [2 favorites]

What is wrong with what you typed up there?
posted by cmm at 12:52 PM on August 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

Best answer: "Brian's management skills require further development before advancement."
posted by JoeZydeco at 12:55 PM on August 14, 2023 [8 favorites]

Response by poster: Brian does not belong to any marginalized groups
posted by walkinginsunshine at 1:01 PM on August 14, 2023

Response by poster: And sorry, not to thread sit, but looking for 1 sentence or phrase, maybe 2 tops
posted by walkinginsunshine at 1:02 PM on August 14, 2023

Soft skills is a good place to start. He struggles to privately and publicly note the cooperative nature of his work and the contributions of others in what he sees as his successes; needs to work on the critically important skill of seeing and expressing the strengths, skills, and contributions of his co-workers; and engendering a sense of mutual enthusiasm and cooperative problem solving in the teams he must work within.
posted by Silvery Fish at 1:04 PM on August 14, 2023 [4 favorites]

I might try to pair up the good things about him with his shortcomings, and characterize those shortcomings as natural potential consequences of the good things, and which could be ameliorated with relatively minor adjustments in his behavior and attitudes without losing the good things.
posted by jamjam at 1:05 PM on August 14, 2023 [2 favorites]

Best answer: Room for growth in self-presentation and impression management
posted by staggernation at 1:12 PM on August 14, 2023 [2 favorites]

Best answer: room for growth in terms of soft skills, including collaborative leadership and teamwork
posted by fingersandtoes at 1:17 PM on August 14, 2023 [7 favorites]

Best answer: While Brian has strong technical judgment, he still has room to improve his collaboration, coordination and management skills, particularly with respect to projects requiring long-term planning and consistent leadership of complex projects.

... which I think veterans of this space will correctly interpret as, "he's got decent technical chops but he's kind of a dick and we shouldn't make him a manager until he's had some sort of come-to-jesus moment and figures out how not to be a dick."
posted by mhoye at 1:28 PM on August 14, 2023 [16 favorites]

Best answer: Don’t say soft skills, they’re just skills! That diminishes their importance and allows technically proficient assholes into management when they have no business managing anyone. Sorry, pet peeve.

I would say his areas of focus would be diplomacy, tact, adaptability, resilience, teamwork, and communications (managing up is a great one—everyone will know what that means.)
posted by kapers at 1:35 PM on August 14, 2023 [19 favorites]

I would suggest prefacing any constructive feedback with "I see opportunities for Brian to learn and grow in the following areas..

Couching your critique as suggestions for professional development will make it easier for people to hear.
posted by brookeb at 2:04 PM on August 14, 2023

Brian appears to be progressing well on the core aspects of his job. I've been impressed with his dedication to his role and his presentation skills. As a strong independent contributor Brian might benefit from some coaching around teamwork and collaboration. He may have an opportunity to better understand the importance of his work and how his role intersects with those of his colleagues.
posted by lafemma at 2:09 PM on August 14, 2023 [2 favorites]

Poor self-awareness, does not effectively collaborate
posted by shock muppet at 2:11 PM on August 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

he is viewed as overly demanding to work for/with

How does this evidence itself? Do his employees have higher than average turnover? Have his employees filed complaints with HR? Do his employees switch teams? Those are all specific details he can work on. "Being demanding" is not a bad thing. I hope that all of my managers are demanding of me.

can sometimes comes off as seeming superior, too aggressive, sometimes condescending, sometimes self righteous

Same thing - what's the impact of these?

believes he should be promoted ASAP

If he only comments on this privately, that's not a failing by him. Anyone who thinks they are doing a higher level job should expect to be promoted ASAP.

talks publicly about feeling slighted if he feels he isn’t credited for an idea sufficiently.

This seems like he's not supporting the development of his employees, assuming thats where ideas are at least incubated. Have his employees contributed to those ideas? If so, it hurts them not to credit them.

Context: this is within a company with fairly slow progression in roles, and a culture of paying your dues

Feedback to you - your organization is broken. There's no reason roles should be held for a certain amount of time. You may consider that Brian is benefiting your organization by demonstrating that you value areas irrelevant to the work produced by employees. How can Brian better change the organization so that he and others can be promoted commensurate with what they do, as opposed to how long they've been at the organization? That would be particularly useful feedback, because it benefits not only him, but the entire organization.
posted by saeculorum at 3:05 PM on August 14, 2023 [6 favorites]

Yeah I’m with saeculorum. Seems like you want a socially acceptable way of telling Brian that his face doesn’t fit because your org is quite slow & cautious.
posted by rd45 at 3:50 PM on August 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

In my workplace, we talk about how it's not only important what you do, but how you do it. In this case, I would probably mention he is doing well with the what, but there are significant opportunities with the how.

However, saying things with that phrasing would be very much understood where I work, I'm not sure about other organizations.
posted by cgg at 3:55 PM on August 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

"demanding" is not really a useful criticism of a manager. A manager should be demanding of good performance, and have high standards from his reports. What specifically is Brian doing wrong?

Here are some specific things that "demanding" might mean that are legitimate to critique:

*is tactless or insulting when delivering negative feedback or requests
*demands deliverables from his reports which are unrealistic in terms of timeline / budget
*demands a level of performance for which his reports are not leveled, or have not been trained
*is excessively punitive in situations where harshness is not warranted
posted by fingersandtoes at 4:23 PM on August 14, 2023 [6 favorites]

What you want to say is that he has opportunities to do the opposite of the behaviors you describe. I'm very interested in what those phrases are, so I hope someone will mention them.



So what are the opposites of:

- overly demanding to work for/with (patient? understanding? Fitting expectations to the time budget of the person?)

- seeming superior (*****this is what I want to know -- what is the opposite of this that is actionable? *****)

- too aggressive - the opposite of this is...?

- condescending - maybe the opposite would be supportive, but I don't think that quite captures it. You can be supportive in spurts, but condescending tends to be constant

- self righteous - maybe "open to other perspectives" or, one hopes, "actively searching for other perspectives"

- feeling slighted if he feels he isn’t credited for an idea sufficiently - I think the opposite of this would be "trusting", maybe.


But all these can be improved, I hope.
posted by amtho at 5:20 PM on August 14, 2023

Brian is still developing in building good rapport with his team members that will allow him to take team motivation and growing others to the next level.

(Tip: write all negative feedback like you may have to help the person get promoted in 2-3 years if they do well, think of what would show they overcame it and make sure that is covered in development goals when you give them their review, then when/if its addressed you can use it to counter this, don't sabotage both future-you and them now!)

P.S. The whole system sucks and is really a load of hot ^%$%&%^!!, but corporate managers have to play the game and play it well, good luck!
posted by meepmeow at 5:41 PM on August 14, 2023 [3 favorites]

self-presentation and impression management

Please don't say this. He needs to genuinely change the way he takes information in and the way he thinks about people. This is not a competition to see who can pretend best to be nice.
posted by amtho at 8:04 PM on August 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

Just thought of a term I use in media, which is borrowed from medicine, to discuss these kind of attitude/rubs people the wrong way issues. Someone whose message may be technically correct, but whose delivery is ineffective and abrasive: needs to improve their “bedside manner.”

Also “reactive” seems to be the word du jour to describe someone who can’t keep it positive and even.

Also people managers are expected to be “coaches,” so if this person is a dictator he may need to develop a “coaching approach to people management.”
posted by kapers at 8:41 PM on August 14, 2023

Candidly, this upcoming discussion sounds questionable. Sharing what you've heard is very different than sharing what you've observed. The former, especially when coupled with the mandate to boil a person's feedback down to a phrase or sentence, presents opportunities for playing favorites or bullying, and potentially exposes you and the organization to risk. This description of Brian––

he is viewed as overly demanding to work for/with, can sometimes comes off as seeming superior, too aggressive, sometimes condescending, sometimes self righteous

––feels too much like critiquing a person's personality and not their behavior, which in majority dominant-cultural-group orgs can lead to discrimination against people from marginalized groups because they don't "fit the mold." That may be why the praemunire raised the issue about whether Brian belonged to any marginalized groups.

Here's the model I've used for feedback – both positive and negative - with teams I've managed: situation, behavior, impact. It's value-neutral, inclusive, and dispassionate. But you have to be specific. Let's break it down:

he is viewed as overly demanding to work for/with -

Citation(s) needed. Is this the consensus of his direct reports / colleagues? What was/were the situation(s)? What behaviour(s) did Brian exhibit in that/those situation(s)? What was the impact of his behavior? Keep to the facts and don't editorialize; if you don't have those facts I would strongly suggest you gather them before sharing in a public forum what an employment lawyer might uncharitably describe as bullying or slander in a year or three. Kapers' answer about using the phrase "managing up" as code "(everyone will know what that means)." is a tacit recognition that you're on shaky ground without facts.

can sometimes comes off as seeming superior, too aggressive, sometimes condescending, sometimes self righteous,

"Sometimes" is wobbly. Situation, behavior, impact, e.g., "In Tuesday morning brainstorms, Brian exhibits a pattern of talking over his colleagues. Colleagues X and Y were visibly upset after the last incident, which occurred on [date]."

believes he should be promoted ASAP,

Can you furnish evidence from emails, Slack chats, Zoom recordings?

talks publicly about feeling slighted if he feels he isn’t credited for an idea sufficiently.

I would leave "feels" out of it. "On numerous occasions, Brian has expressed frustration that he doesn't receive sufficient credit for his ideas."

Do you have a job description for the role Brian wants to be promoted into? Codify the behavior you want to see into the JD and hold all leaders to the same standard: "This role requires a high degree of emotional intelligence and the ability to navigate organizational dynamics, with an emphasis on diplomacy and servant-leadership." Mandate the completion of a management training program -- presuming that you're providing the appropriate training for promoting someone from a junior manager to a senior -- and give Brian coaching on the specific behaviors you want to see.

On the other hand, if your slow-progression, pay-your-dues culture comes with a senior leadership team who's been at the company for a decade or more, and if things like promotions can be affected by what sounds like a bull session consisting of indirect soundbites and rumor, it may be worth your while to see if Brian has gotten a bum rap. Sclerotic leadership can sometimes get annoyed at "A players" who bring in new ideas, and if "B" players know they can sink a demanding boss or rival by feeding their manager a litany of vague complaints, it's worth your while to characterize Brian in more than a sentence or two, according to the facts, so that you don't accidentally get played.
posted by reclusive_thousandaire at 11:19 PM on August 14, 2023 [4 favorites]