Tell me about your experience in detox and/or rehab for alcohol
July 26, 2023 9:09 PM Subscribe
Well, here I am. I’m going away for a few months. It’s Medicaid-funded so not a Passages Malibu or anything fancy. I’ll be in detox for up to five days, then directly into residential treatment for ninety days.
I’m looking forward to it but anxious in every way you can imagine. Please MeMail me if you’d like.
In detox I’ll be issued “scrubs and grippy socks” and I’m really looking forward to wearing scrubs and grippy socks for five days. An intake coordinator asked me yesterday when was the last time I was sober for three days in a row and I had no idea. I guessed 2004 which is probably accurate.
I’m anxious about sharing a room with a stranger and if the food will be OK but I’m trying to go into this with a positive attitude - I’ve been trying for a couple months to even get a call back from a place and have just gotten both resigned to my fate and determined to make it happen.
I refuse to do 12-step meetings, they don’t work for me, but there are other options here. I’m going to be severely limited in internet access and am extremely anxious about that. I’ll get to keep seeing my long-term therapist via teleheath which is fantastic. She reminds that I can leave at any time and that this isn’t a commitment to a lifetime of sobriety which is probably what I need to hear now.
I dug up two old cross stitch projects I never started and a huge stack of origami paper. I ordered some extra needles and an origami book. Am good to create stuff. Sudoku and crossword books are also coming tomorrow. I have a growing stack of books to bring.
My life - which is kind of shit now - is going to be completely upended. I don’t feed myself or shower or get up before 2PM these days and that’s all going to change. It seems good but terrifying in that it’s unfamiliar and there are going to be other people around me.
Have you been through this? What should I expect?
In detox I’ll be issued “scrubs and grippy socks” and I’m really looking forward to wearing scrubs and grippy socks for five days. An intake coordinator asked me yesterday when was the last time I was sober for three days in a row and I had no idea. I guessed 2004 which is probably accurate.
I’m anxious about sharing a room with a stranger and if the food will be OK but I’m trying to go into this with a positive attitude - I’ve been trying for a couple months to even get a call back from a place and have just gotten both resigned to my fate and determined to make it happen.
I refuse to do 12-step meetings, they don’t work for me, but there are other options here. I’m going to be severely limited in internet access and am extremely anxious about that. I’ll get to keep seeing my long-term therapist via teleheath which is fantastic. She reminds that I can leave at any time and that this isn’t a commitment to a lifetime of sobriety which is probably what I need to hear now.
I dug up two old cross stitch projects I never started and a huge stack of origami paper. I ordered some extra needles and an origami book. Am good to create stuff. Sudoku and crossword books are also coming tomorrow. I have a growing stack of books to bring.
My life - which is kind of shit now - is going to be completely upended. I don’t feed myself or shower or get up before 2PM these days and that’s all going to change. It seems good but terrifying in that it’s unfamiliar and there are going to be other people around me.
Have you been through this? What should I expect?
I can't speak to rehab for alcohol but I can speak to finally getting really good therapy to work through past trauma: at first it felt so good to be truly seen, although it was kind of devastating too. Then it was really hard and tbh I hated it for quite some time but I believed it could maybe work for me so I kept trying. I had fought it for years so giving in to treatment felt both good and strange, mostly strange. It's hard and weird to trust something new but I had enough trust in the people and process to try. I couldn't wait to be on the other side but I knew it'd take weeks, months, maybe even years. And it did but here I am and life is GOOD, like better than I could have ever imagined. I'm not saying good as in "happy rainbow unicorn sparkles" all the time or even more than in the past; arguably there were more highs in the past but also way, way, way more lows. What I gained is a type of simple happiness and every day balance that I never knew was even possible in part because I didn't even realize it was missing.
You are going into this with a very open mind and heart. You are nervous and excited. You are ready for change! You know what your boundaries are. You are doing all the right things! It will be easy at times, silly at other times, extremely hard sometimes or even much of the time to say nothing about boredom. I too am rooting for you; we all are!! You've got this!
posted by smorgasbord at 9:37 PM on July 26, 2023 [6 favorites]
You are going into this with a very open mind and heart. You are nervous and excited. You are ready for change! You know what your boundaries are. You are doing all the right things! It will be easy at times, silly at other times, extremely hard sometimes or even much of the time to say nothing about boredom. I too am rooting for you; we all are!! You've got this!
posted by smorgasbord at 9:37 PM on July 26, 2023 [6 favorites]
Congratulations on taking care of yourself. You deserve it.
I just wanted to pipe in that if your objection to 12-step programs is the religiosity, you might want to check out Secular Organizations for Sobriety. If that is not your issue, please disregard my post.
Best wishes for your future.
posted by brookeb at 9:57 PM on July 26, 2023 [5 favorites]
I just wanted to pipe in that if your objection to 12-step programs is the religiosity, you might want to check out Secular Organizations for Sobriety. If that is not your issue, please disregard my post.
Best wishes for your future.
posted by brookeb at 9:57 PM on July 26, 2023 [5 favorites]
Hello - wishing you the absolute very best - you should be very very proud of yourself for getting this far and being open to going and making that happen for yourself no matter how things turn out.
I've not been in rehab, but I know people who have, and I've been sober for 2 years. I've mentioned this in other questions - I massively craved sugar when I stopped drinking - and I know that's pretty common. If you are able to bring sweet treats, I'd recommend that.
My other advise is - get outside if and when you can. Just a wee walk made a huge difference to me.
And this may not feel right for you - but I would try to think about embracing having a schedule that someone else is making for you? For me, addiction made my brain SO BUSY, and not having to think about how to deal with that might be amazing. Also, if you are spending a lot of mental energy on the rehab and therapy parts, then doing nothing much else (and eating sweets) is great too. Once I had a wee while sober, I got really back into listening to music and just enjoying it. Maybe bring some music you like and enjoy that with your crafts?
Books and crafts generally sound good. I would make sure you have some comfort reads/easy reads rather than tackling Proust. However, that's just based on my experience.
Seriously wishing you the absolute very best. Please memail me if you want to talk - this internet stranger is rooting for you.
posted by sedimentary_deer at 2:24 AM on July 27, 2023 [6 favorites]
I've not been in rehab, but I know people who have, and I've been sober for 2 years. I've mentioned this in other questions - I massively craved sugar when I stopped drinking - and I know that's pretty common. If you are able to bring sweet treats, I'd recommend that.
My other advise is - get outside if and when you can. Just a wee walk made a huge difference to me.
And this may not feel right for you - but I would try to think about embracing having a schedule that someone else is making for you? For me, addiction made my brain SO BUSY, and not having to think about how to deal with that might be amazing. Also, if you are spending a lot of mental energy on the rehab and therapy parts, then doing nothing much else (and eating sweets) is great too. Once I had a wee while sober, I got really back into listening to music and just enjoying it. Maybe bring some music you like and enjoy that with your crafts?
Books and crafts generally sound good. I would make sure you have some comfort reads/easy reads rather than tackling Proust. However, that's just based on my experience.
Seriously wishing you the absolute very best. Please memail me if you want to talk - this internet stranger is rooting for you.
posted by sedimentary_deer at 2:24 AM on July 27, 2023 [6 favorites]
Welp, today is my sobriety anniversary. I was you about a decade ago. I spent the decade before that trying and failing. You're doing the right thing! My recommendation is to try being open to things. I also did not "do" AA. That said, I've probably been to a few dozen meetings over the last two decades and it taught me to use every tool in my toolbox.
The hardest part about getting sober for me was realizing and admitting I was straight up wrong about a lot of things. I thought my life would be boring. I thought I'd be sad all the time. I thought that without drinking my life would be basic and lame. I thought I'd never be able to handle discomfort and pain. Looking back, I couldn't have been more wrong. I'm rooting for you!
posted by kinsey at 3:12 AM on July 27, 2023 [14 favorites]
The hardest part about getting sober for me was realizing and admitting I was straight up wrong about a lot of things. I thought my life would be boring. I thought I'd be sad all the time. I thought that without drinking my life would be basic and lame. I thought I'd never be able to handle discomfort and pain. Looking back, I couldn't have been more wrong. I'm rooting for you!
posted by kinsey at 3:12 AM on July 27, 2023 [14 favorites]
I'm short on time, will come back with more later but for now:
I've been sober 12 years. I did various detox/IOP/partial hospital programs.
One thing to look forward to is that I've found you can get really good support from your peers in the detox/residential program.
The most helpful thing I told myself in the early days of sobriety was "I can always drink tomorrow". Which sounds weird, but in those moments where I was really craving alcohol, and felt so tempted to just go out and drink, telling myself that I could just put it off for one day really helped. It's basically a variation of the "one day at a time" mantra.
The first few months - especially the first 30 days - were the toughest. But after a few months, definitely after 6 months, I really started to get my life and my brain back, and it became much easier.
This is the best gift you can give yourself. I know this is incredibly hard and scary, but it's worth it. Good luck. Feel free to memail me.
posted by litera scripta manet at 3:51 AM on July 27, 2023 [6 favorites]
I've been sober 12 years. I did various detox/IOP/partial hospital programs.
One thing to look forward to is that I've found you can get really good support from your peers in the detox/residential program.
The most helpful thing I told myself in the early days of sobriety was "I can always drink tomorrow". Which sounds weird, but in those moments where I was really craving alcohol, and felt so tempted to just go out and drink, telling myself that I could just put it off for one day really helped. It's basically a variation of the "one day at a time" mantra.
The first few months - especially the first 30 days - were the toughest. But after a few months, definitely after 6 months, I really started to get my life and my brain back, and it became much easier.
This is the best gift you can give yourself. I know this is incredibly hard and scary, but it's worth it. Good luck. Feel free to memail me.
posted by litera scripta manet at 3:51 AM on July 27, 2023 [6 favorites]
While you've still got internet I'd recommend connecting with folks and reading stories over at r/stopdrinking. It's an amazing community that offers surprisingly powerful support, given that it's all text-based. A bit like this place, but booze-specific. Lots of people have told their rehab stories.
You got this. We got this, in fact. It's one day at a time. Count me among those who are rooting for you.
posted by guessthis at 6:46 AM on July 27, 2023 [5 favorites]
You got this. We got this, in fact. It's one day at a time. Count me among those who are rooting for you.
posted by guessthis at 6:46 AM on July 27, 2023 [5 favorites]
Not a former addict, but I did monitor many programs for a government agency, so I am familiar with their curricula. Here are some things to expect -
- The five days of detox might be hard, depending on what substance you are detoxing from. If you have not had three days in a row of sobriety since 2004, your body will have some adjusting to do. Expect body aches, vomiting, sweating. The only way beyond it is through. Keep your expectations of yourself low during those five days.
- Once past detox, you will have a fairly scheduled day which will consist of classes, self-reflection, and AA meetings. For instance, 7:00 wake up, 7:30 breakfast, 8:00-8:30 cleanup, 9:00-10:00 - journaling, 10:00-12:00 class on triggers, noon to 1:00 lunch and cleanup, 1:00-2:00 AA meeting, 2:00-3:00 one on one meeting with program counselor, 3:00-4:00 time for homework regarding triggers, 4:00-6:00 dinner prep, 6:00-7:00 dinner, 7:00-9:00 free time, 10:00 lights out.
- Consider going to AA meetings even if they don't help you personally. If you want to stay connected to others in the program, attending the meetings might be key to that. You might find yourself regarded as "other" if you don't participate and everyone else does.
- Expect a LOT of self-reflection. This may get tiresome. Expect it.
- Lean in to the process. The classes, meetings, and one-on-one time with a counselor CAN work! But the degree to which you embrace the process will be a big factor in your long-term sobriety.
Blessings on you as your seek long-term recovery. There are good things ahead for you.
posted by eleslie at 6:49 AM on July 27, 2023 [1 favorite]
- The five days of detox might be hard, depending on what substance you are detoxing from. If you have not had three days in a row of sobriety since 2004, your body will have some adjusting to do. Expect body aches, vomiting, sweating. The only way beyond it is through. Keep your expectations of yourself low during those five days.
- Once past detox, you will have a fairly scheduled day which will consist of classes, self-reflection, and AA meetings. For instance, 7:00 wake up, 7:30 breakfast, 8:00-8:30 cleanup, 9:00-10:00 - journaling, 10:00-12:00 class on triggers, noon to 1:00 lunch and cleanup, 1:00-2:00 AA meeting, 2:00-3:00 one on one meeting with program counselor, 3:00-4:00 time for homework regarding triggers, 4:00-6:00 dinner prep, 6:00-7:00 dinner, 7:00-9:00 free time, 10:00 lights out.
- Consider going to AA meetings even if they don't help you personally. If you want to stay connected to others in the program, attending the meetings might be key to that. You might find yourself regarded as "other" if you don't participate and everyone else does.
- Expect a LOT of self-reflection. This may get tiresome. Expect it.
- Lean in to the process. The classes, meetings, and one-on-one time with a counselor CAN work! But the degree to which you embrace the process will be a big factor in your long-term sobriety.
Blessings on you as your seek long-term recovery. There are good things ahead for you.
posted by eleslie at 6:49 AM on July 27, 2023 [1 favorite]
I'm rooting for you, Bendy. Nothing to add to the great advice above, but I had to congratulate you and send you my best wishes. You can do this!!
posted by kiwi-epitome at 7:26 AM on July 27, 2023 [11 favorites]
posted by kiwi-epitome at 7:26 AM on July 27, 2023 [11 favorites]
I thought of one more question to be asking yourself now: This experience is sure to have many ups and downs - physically, emotionally, spiritually. What will help you stay focused on your goals when you are in the downs? What supports will benefit you at those times? What tools do you have within yourself to call upon? Having gone through a lot of suffering and pain, I bet you already have a lot of knowledge of yourself and what carries you through the hardest times.
posted by latkes at 9:52 AM on July 27, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by latkes at 9:52 AM on July 27, 2023 [2 favorites]
Hey, Bendy, just stopping by to add my voice to the collection of Mefites who wish you all the best. It's hard to take control of one's life and though it feels like a step into the void, you'll get support and help along the way. You're not alone, and I'll be robustly cheering you on! When you make it to Eugene someday, I'd love to buy you a cone of the best ice cream in the known universe (or at least OR), and tell you how amazing you are in person.
posted by but no cigar at 7:13 PM on July 27, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by but no cigar at 7:13 PM on July 27, 2023 [2 favorites]
I know you are against 12 step and AA but I highly recommend that you listen to some speaker tapes. Those made a huge difference for me when I started my journey 5 years ago and helped me find comfort and identity in others who lived it. Those tapes also helped me realize how wrong I was about so many things regarding alcoholism.
I had to listen to a few to find speakers I could relate to. Here are 3 well known speakers.
Sister Bea
Sandy Beach
Clancy I
posted by jasondigitized at 8:15 PM on July 27, 2023
I had to listen to a few to find speakers I could relate to. Here are 3 well known speakers.
Sister Bea
Sandy Beach
Clancy I
posted by jasondigitized at 8:15 PM on July 27, 2023
Response by poster: Thank you all for your support and feedback. I felt like I needed the voices of MeFites - weird I guess but it's kind of a family thing.
I can bring two suitcases and am debating whether the big one should get the books. I think the little one can handle the clothes.
I have a handkerchief that belonged to my dad and I’ve been wearing it on my head all evening.
Fifty-two hours until I check in. ❤️
posted by bendy at 4:31 AM on July 28, 2023 [12 favorites]
I can bring two suitcases and am debating whether the big one should get the books. I think the little one can handle the clothes.
I have a handkerchief that belonged to my dad and I’ve been wearing it on my head all evening.
Fifty-two hours until I check in. ❤️
posted by bendy at 4:31 AM on July 28, 2023 [12 favorites]
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You're making a huge move. What an achievement to have planned all this out and made this decision. We are rooting for you!
posted by latkes at 9:21 PM on July 26, 2023 [19 favorites]