I'm thinking about taking another stab at trying to stop drinking.
June 3, 2023 1:31 AM Subscribe
I'm an alchoholic binge drinker. I drink way more than I should on the weekend. I am looking for something that can take the place of beer, but the catch is that I want it to sorta achieve the same feeling of being drunk. I know I should actually replace it with something like exercize or a passionate hobby, but I am NOT at that stage, and I also NEED to stop drinking.
About me:
I am 34 going on 35.
I am 6 foot 3 inches and God-knows how much I weigh, because I stopped checking when I hit 300 pounds.
I have a beer belly, because of course I do, how could I not. I would LOVE to lose weight and look how I used to, but what's the point of starting to work out (which I currently and for years have not done) when I drink God-knows which multiplicity of that back when I binge drink on the weekends.
I work manual labor at a gardening shop in Austin 4 days a week. I don't make enough money to move out of my parent's apartment. I don't even make enough money to own a car.
I spend most of my money on beer.
I am single and I am broken from a breakup issued from a girlfriend who I almost married (or at least thought I was close to marrying) but then dumped me THE day the COVID Pandemic was announced.
I am not religious or spiritual. I am not looking for guilt. I know this is killing me, which originally was "a plus" of drinking... I wanted to kill myself when I was given the breakup news, but I either (a) am smart enough to not do that, or more likely (b) don't have the courage to go through with any plan. And no, I'm not currently at risk of suicide, calm down, it's never going to happen.
All this time later after the breakup, I realize I'd actually rather live. I'd rather live a long long life, thank you very much. Not die from kidney failure or a heart attack or obesiety, etc, in 11 years at the age of 45, if I even make it that long on this current road I'm on.
To be honest, I'm actually terrified. I'm scared for my life.
Hence me asking you for an alternative to beer.
I am not ready for AA, one because I'm not ready to stop "feeling drunk" on the weekends, and two, I'm not religious or spiritual.
I heard that Colorado and other states that have legalized recreational marijuana, have "weed beers" that replace alcohol with THC. That would be wonderful and would perfectly do the trick except (a) I live in stupid Texas and, no, I can't move, and (b) I don't make enough money to afford the MAJOR increase in price that a 24 pack of "weed beers" costs me VS the ~$30 that a 24 pack of Budweiser costs me.
I have often thought of asking this question, but never have. Chiefly because I don't believe there is an answer - there IS nothing that can replace beer and the only answer is STOP DRINKING NOW, and also because I don't want the "dude, you need to stop!" guilt that I already carry myself but which has been obviously too weak to MAKE me stop.
About me:
I am 34 going on 35.
I am 6 foot 3 inches and God-knows how much I weigh, because I stopped checking when I hit 300 pounds.
I have a beer belly, because of course I do, how could I not. I would LOVE to lose weight and look how I used to, but what's the point of starting to work out (which I currently and for years have not done) when I drink God-knows which multiplicity of that back when I binge drink on the weekends.
I work manual labor at a gardening shop in Austin 4 days a week. I don't make enough money to move out of my parent's apartment. I don't even make enough money to own a car.
I spend most of my money on beer.
I am single and I am broken from a breakup issued from a girlfriend who I almost married (or at least thought I was close to marrying) but then dumped me THE day the COVID Pandemic was announced.
I am not religious or spiritual. I am not looking for guilt. I know this is killing me, which originally was "a plus" of drinking... I wanted to kill myself when I was given the breakup news, but I either (a) am smart enough to not do that, or more likely (b) don't have the courage to go through with any plan. And no, I'm not currently at risk of suicide, calm down, it's never going to happen.
All this time later after the breakup, I realize I'd actually rather live. I'd rather live a long long life, thank you very much. Not die from kidney failure or a heart attack or obesiety, etc, in 11 years at the age of 45, if I even make it that long on this current road I'm on.
To be honest, I'm actually terrified. I'm scared for my life.
Hence me asking you for an alternative to beer.
I am not ready for AA, one because I'm not ready to stop "feeling drunk" on the weekends, and two, I'm not religious or spiritual.
I heard that Colorado and other states that have legalized recreational marijuana, have "weed beers" that replace alcohol with THC. That would be wonderful and would perfectly do the trick except (a) I live in stupid Texas and, no, I can't move, and (b) I don't make enough money to afford the MAJOR increase in price that a 24 pack of "weed beers" costs me VS the ~$30 that a 24 pack of Budweiser costs me.
I have often thought of asking this question, but never have. Chiefly because I don't believe there is an answer - there IS nothing that can replace beer and the only answer is STOP DRINKING NOW, and also because I don't want the "dude, you need to stop!" guilt that I already carry myself but which has been obviously too weak to MAKE me stop.
I should've mentioned shrooms also. They have the great effect of lifting up your mood and can also help lift one up out of depression. You don't have to have so much that you're tripping, but just enough to get you in a good mood. Do some googling around and learn about micro-dosing, it seems to work.
posted by newpotato at 2:18 AM on June 3, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by newpotato at 2:18 AM on June 3, 2023 [5 favorites]
One potential interpretation of your problem: You're depressed and you're using alcohol to self-medicate.
Ideally, a therapist won't just tell you to face your emotions and heal, they would also give you some actionable steps how to do that and help you see your incremental successes by validating them, provide a reality check when your internal voice lies to you to sabotage you and keep you in your depressed state, etc. But it may take some time till you feel any tangible results from that, and you're probably right that you'll need something that will give you more immediate relief to tide you over until then.
So there's another thing seeking treatment might do for you: Someone might prescribe you anti-depressants. You might feel that's just replacing one substance with another one, but you already said that for you this is not about religion or guilt or any ideal that you are morally obligated to suffer the pain of reality. So if you're open to shrooms, I think there's no logical reason not to be open to anti-depressants. They won't be a cure either, and they might also just adress the symptoms and not the root causes, and they will also make you gain weight. I should hope they're easier on your liver, but I don't even know that with any certainty because I'm not a physician.
But they will, ideally, also be accompanied by professional support - someone you check in with regularly, to see if it's working, and figure out what to adjust, if it isn't, and someone who, through trial and error, will eventually help you to find the right mix of pills that are less destructive than the booze, and from this vantage point, you might finally gain the perspective you need, where you feel safe enough to finally start thinking about all that healing and facing your emotions that's beyond the canyon you currently can't see a way to bridge.
Is there any guarantee that it will work? Sadly no. But it's one thing worth trying. And if it doesn't work, try something else. You are in a situation where you should consider change just for the sake of change. Please don't let yourself be stopped by the idea of wasting money. There is no money more wasted than the money still left on your bank account once you've actually succeeded in killing yourself.
posted by sohalt at 3:00 AM on June 3, 2023 [18 favorites]
Ideally, a therapist won't just tell you to face your emotions and heal, they would also give you some actionable steps how to do that and help you see your incremental successes by validating them, provide a reality check when your internal voice lies to you to sabotage you and keep you in your depressed state, etc. But it may take some time till you feel any tangible results from that, and you're probably right that you'll need something that will give you more immediate relief to tide you over until then.
So there's another thing seeking treatment might do for you: Someone might prescribe you anti-depressants. You might feel that's just replacing one substance with another one, but you already said that for you this is not about religion or guilt or any ideal that you are morally obligated to suffer the pain of reality. So if you're open to shrooms, I think there's no logical reason not to be open to anti-depressants. They won't be a cure either, and they might also just adress the symptoms and not the root causes, and they will also make you gain weight. I should hope they're easier on your liver, but I don't even know that with any certainty because I'm not a physician.
But they will, ideally, also be accompanied by professional support - someone you check in with regularly, to see if it's working, and figure out what to adjust, if it isn't, and someone who, through trial and error, will eventually help you to find the right mix of pills that are less destructive than the booze, and from this vantage point, you might finally gain the perspective you need, where you feel safe enough to finally start thinking about all that healing and facing your emotions that's beyond the canyon you currently can't see a way to bridge.
Is there any guarantee that it will work? Sadly no. But it's one thing worth trying. And if it doesn't work, try something else. You are in a situation where you should consider change just for the sake of change. Please don't let yourself be stopped by the idea of wasting money. There is no money more wasted than the money still left on your bank account once you've actually succeeded in killing yourself.
posted by sohalt at 3:00 AM on June 3, 2023 [18 favorites]
Hello friend. More later. Too drunk right now to be cognizant. I feel you.
posted by bendy at 4:25 AM on June 3, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by bendy at 4:25 AM on June 3, 2023 [2 favorites]
Start small. Start with today. What can you do today that will make it a little better than yesterday?
Sometimes that doesn't work. Sometimes it does. Start stringing together more better days than worse and you're on your way.
That's for sure an oversimplification. But any approach - seeking professional help, finding different drugs, weaning to cold turkey, exercising - require action today to make it better than yesterday.
posted by GPF at 4:27 AM on June 3, 2023 [4 favorites]
Sometimes that doesn't work. Sometimes it does. Start stringing together more better days than worse and you're on your way.
That's for sure an oversimplification. But any approach - seeking professional help, finding different drugs, weaning to cold turkey, exercising - require action today to make it better than yesterday.
posted by GPF at 4:27 AM on June 3, 2023 [4 favorites]
What does "feeling drunk" mean exactly?
Is it relaxation, numbness, the buzz, cessation of ruminating, cessation of the blaming shaming interior voice, lower inhibitions making it easier to socialise, or what exactly?
You can find different ways to access all those things, but it might help to figure out what exactly you want to keep about being drunk?
posted by Zumbador at 4:43 AM on June 3, 2023 [9 favorites]
Is it relaxation, numbness, the buzz, cessation of ruminating, cessation of the blaming shaming interior voice, lower inhibitions making it easier to socialise, or what exactly?
You can find different ways to access all those things, but it might help to figure out what exactly you want to keep about being drunk?
posted by Zumbador at 4:43 AM on June 3, 2023 [9 favorites]
All this time later after the breakup, I realize I'd actually rather live. I'd rather live a long long life, thank you very much. Not die from kidney failure or a heart attack or obesiety, etc, in 11 years at the age of 45, if I even make it that long on this current road I'm on.
To be honest, I'm actually terrified. I'm scared for my life.
Give it time.
At some point you'll experience enough terror that it will actually stop your hand from lifting your glass to your mouth.
Until then, every time you notice yourself going through the preparation steps to get the amber nectar flowing down the throat hole, just do your level best to pay close attention to exactly what you're physically doing, second by second, the whole way through.
Our brains have this really nifty trick for maintaining addictive behaviours where they stop us from paying that kind of attention by filling our awareness with everything but. Quite a lot of that consists of yelling at ourselves for being the kind of pissweak dickhead who would allow such a thing to keep on happening.
Most of us have been fucked up enough by assorted bits of life experience that this actually works. It's easy for our brains to fool us into thinking of this kind of vicious self-criticism as both appropriate and helpful when in fact it's the main thing that distracts us from noticing any opportunity that might arise to make some other choice.
The Good Cop to vicious self-criticism's Bad Cop is passive self-acceptance: that soothing inner voice that tells us that it's OK, you can't help it, it's only your addiction and not really you, it will all work out, you don't need to do anything about this right now, just be calm, and on and on and on.
But all cops are bastards. We need to learn to pay close attention to what we're actually doing, and positively and deliberately keep on practising paying close attention to what we're actually doing, or none of us are going to outlive fucking Kissinger.
posted by flabdablet at 5:01 AM on June 3, 2023 [16 favorites]
To be honest, I'm actually terrified. I'm scared for my life.
Give it time.
At some point you'll experience enough terror that it will actually stop your hand from lifting your glass to your mouth.
Until then, every time you notice yourself going through the preparation steps to get the amber nectar flowing down the throat hole, just do your level best to pay close attention to exactly what you're physically doing, second by second, the whole way through.
Our brains have this really nifty trick for maintaining addictive behaviours where they stop us from paying that kind of attention by filling our awareness with everything but. Quite a lot of that consists of yelling at ourselves for being the kind of pissweak dickhead who would allow such a thing to keep on happening.
Most of us have been fucked up enough by assorted bits of life experience that this actually works. It's easy for our brains to fool us into thinking of this kind of vicious self-criticism as both appropriate and helpful when in fact it's the main thing that distracts us from noticing any opportunity that might arise to make some other choice.
The Good Cop to vicious self-criticism's Bad Cop is passive self-acceptance: that soothing inner voice that tells us that it's OK, you can't help it, it's only your addiction and not really you, it will all work out, you don't need to do anything about this right now, just be calm, and on and on and on.
But all cops are bastards. We need to learn to pay close attention to what we're actually doing, and positively and deliberately keep on practising paying close attention to what we're actually doing, or none of us are going to outlive fucking Kissinger.
posted by flabdablet at 5:01 AM on June 3, 2023 [16 favorites]
Change the context. So you get home from work on Friday and get stuck into a case of beer, or something along those lines? You drink almost entirely at home it seems? What happens if you don't go home?
Go out. I'd go walking. Your routine is fucking you over, so you get to fuck with it. Do something different, anything. Maybe first go round you drink six beers less on the weekend because you got home later, great, that's a win, keep fucking with it.
posted by deadwax at 5:45 AM on June 3, 2023 [10 favorites]
Go out. I'd go walking. Your routine is fucking you over, so you get to fuck with it. Do something different, anything. Maybe first go round you drink six beers less on the weekend because you got home later, great, that's a win, keep fucking with it.
posted by deadwax at 5:45 AM on June 3, 2023 [10 favorites]
This might be too 'one weird trick' but I found this article interesting: Could Ozempic Also Be an Anti-addiction Drug? - The Atlantic
I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your doctors, but from what you describe of your weight, maybe you could get a prescription for ozempic as a weight treatment, and see if you get the 'side effects' described.
I realize this may not be practical for all sorts of reasons (availability, cost) - but The Atlantic alerted me to Paxlovid at a time it was helpful.
posted by rochrobbb at 6:11 AM on June 3, 2023 [6 favorites]
I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your doctors, but from what you describe of your weight, maybe you could get a prescription for ozempic as a weight treatment, and see if you get the 'side effects' described.
I realize this may not be practical for all sorts of reasons (availability, cost) - but The Atlantic alerted me to Paxlovid at a time it was helpful.
posted by rochrobbb at 6:11 AM on June 3, 2023 [6 favorites]
That FEELING of being drunk has my mind, my body, and my kidney kidnapped
I've never yet felt any effect from cannabis that was even remotely like what I get from alcohol.
That said, cannabis varieties can do a lot of different things, while alcohol effects all stay on a fairly straightforward dose dependent gradient. And it may turn out that you find a source of edibles whose effects you like better than feeling soggy drunk. So don't write the whole experiment off as a failure if that doesn't happen with the first batch you use; try at least a few more from other sources first.
One thing that cannabis does fairly reliably for me that alcohol absolutely doesn't do is sensitize me to the power dynamics on display in the conversations around me. Don't be too alarmed if you find yourself utterly revolted by the company of people you've had a lot of fun with drunk.
posted by flabdablet at 6:27 AM on June 3, 2023 [2 favorites]
I've never yet felt any effect from cannabis that was even remotely like what I get from alcohol.
That said, cannabis varieties can do a lot of different things, while alcohol effects all stay on a fairly straightforward dose dependent gradient. And it may turn out that you find a source of edibles whose effects you like better than feeling soggy drunk. So don't write the whole experiment off as a failure if that doesn't happen with the first batch you use; try at least a few more from other sources first.
One thing that cannabis does fairly reliably for me that alcohol absolutely doesn't do is sensitize me to the power dynamics on display in the conversations around me. Don't be too alarmed if you find yourself utterly revolted by the company of people you've had a lot of fun with drunk.
posted by flabdablet at 6:27 AM on June 3, 2023 [2 favorites]
Mod note: Several comments removed. OP, please keep in mind that Ask Metafilter isn't for back and forth discussion on a topic, but to get answers to a specific question. Also, using ChatGPT is discouraged for answers as people prefer actual humans to respond with their lived experience and knowledge.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 6:48 AM on June 3, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 6:48 AM on June 3, 2023 [6 favorites]
Right now your weekends are filled with drinking. What happens if you have obligations that get you out of the house instead? Volunteer for a cause you care about, or get a second job. Sometimes it's easier to keep commitments to other than it is to ourselves. If you are able to get a second job, you'll have the added bonus of being able to save up to move out of your parents house.
I do encourage you to go to therapy, as has been mentioned above, the point is to get help achieving your goals, not for someone to tell you what you should have as a goal. Learning to feel your feelings and process them is best done inside the container of therapy - it's hard! You'll need support, and that what therapy can offer.
I'm sure you are aware there are also medications specifically for alcoholics that make it physically impossible to drink. These are obtainable through your GP. They are not without risks, but for some people it gives them enough space from the pressure of their addiction that they can move past it more rapidly.
Best of luck.
posted by ananci at 7:02 AM on June 3, 2023 [3 favorites]
I do encourage you to go to therapy, as has been mentioned above, the point is to get help achieving your goals, not for someone to tell you what you should have as a goal. Learning to feel your feelings and process them is best done inside the container of therapy - it's hard! You'll need support, and that what therapy can offer.
I'm sure you are aware there are also medications specifically for alcoholics that make it physically impossible to drink. These are obtainable through your GP. They are not without risks, but for some people it gives them enough space from the pressure of their addiction that they can move past it more rapidly.
Best of luck.
posted by ananci at 7:02 AM on June 3, 2023 [3 favorites]
The caveat here is that I haven't been through what you are going through.
I would suggest approaching this as "harm reduction." You know your current path is hurting you, so anything you can do to improve things is a tremendous benefit. You don't have to solve everything in one day you just need to solve small pieces, one at a time. And, those changes are cumulative, and will get you where you need to be.
So, can you switch some (or all, if that is possible) of your drinking to weed? Maybe weed plus NA beer, like was suggested?
And, can you slowly start trying to find activities that can fill up some of the days and times that right now you are filling with drinking? This might take a lot of experimenting to see what works -- a big social event works for some people, other people would need a solitary hobby like going for a hike or spending an afternoon at the movie theater. But the basic idea is that if you are out doing something, anything, for four hours, those are four hours that you aren't sitting at home drinking beer -- even if you still drink beer later in the evening, you've improved your day and lessened the harm to yourself.
I agree that it sounds like you could really benefit from therapy. Unfortunately it is hard to find affordable and good therapists with open appointments (since these days so much is terrible, so there is a lot of demand for therapy services) but even if it takes a long time and has false starts, finding a therapist would be a good piece of the puzzle for you.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:51 AM on June 3, 2023 [2 favorites]
I would suggest approaching this as "harm reduction." You know your current path is hurting you, so anything you can do to improve things is a tremendous benefit. You don't have to solve everything in one day you just need to solve small pieces, one at a time. And, those changes are cumulative, and will get you where you need to be.
So, can you switch some (or all, if that is possible) of your drinking to weed? Maybe weed plus NA beer, like was suggested?
And, can you slowly start trying to find activities that can fill up some of the days and times that right now you are filling with drinking? This might take a lot of experimenting to see what works -- a big social event works for some people, other people would need a solitary hobby like going for a hike or spending an afternoon at the movie theater. But the basic idea is that if you are out doing something, anything, for four hours, those are four hours that you aren't sitting at home drinking beer -- even if you still drink beer later in the evening, you've improved your day and lessened the harm to yourself.
I agree that it sounds like you could really benefit from therapy. Unfortunately it is hard to find affordable and good therapists with open appointments (since these days so much is terrible, so there is a lot of demand for therapy services) but even if it takes a long time and has false starts, finding a therapist would be a good piece of the puzzle for you.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:51 AM on June 3, 2023 [2 favorites]
My brother, also in Austin and also a binge drinker, has had great success with smartrecovery.org. It’s free, has in person and remote meetings. He is vehemently opposed to AA and other faith-adjacent programs- it might be a good fit for you.
Lots of recommendations for cannabis here, but one must understand there is no legal cannabis in Texas (well, there’s that stuff, but…)
Also nth-ing the assertion that cannabis gives very different effects from alcohol.
posted by carterk at 8:03 AM on June 3, 2023 [12 favorites]
Lots of recommendations for cannabis here, but one must understand there is no legal cannabis in Texas (well, there’s that stuff, but…)
Also nth-ing the assertion that cannabis gives very different effects from alcohol.
posted by carterk at 8:03 AM on June 3, 2023 [12 favorites]
You might try some of the new adaptogen and/or CBD sodas (which I believe are legal in Texas too, of course I could be wrong) to see if any of them give you the feeling you need. I actually found that while De Soi didn't make me feel drunk per se they were, in a way, serving as an acceptable substitute for some part of my brain. And don't necessarily dismiss them because they're more expensive - my grandfather actually quit smoking cigarettes by first switching to cigars because they forced him to smoke less since he couldn't afford as many. You never know...it might work. Worth a shot!
posted by potrzebie at 8:51 AM on June 3, 2023
posted by potrzebie at 8:51 AM on June 3, 2023
Seconding the NA beer for harm reduction. It costs about the same and has many fewer calories. Start by working one or two into your routine. I like them with meals, because I tend to drink faster while eating.
Also consider just slowing down. Figure out ways to drink it that encourages you to sip it like fine brandy. Make beer cocktails with the last warm bit of the can.
It might also help to set goals, like "no more than X beers between these hours" and track those goals.
You don't mention diet, but you probably want lean-ish proteins and veggies only. There's a reason beer and wings and carrots/celery go together...
Lots of other good suggestions in this thread. Good luck.
posted by credulous at 9:19 AM on June 3, 2023 [1 favorite]
Also consider just slowing down. Figure out ways to drink it that encourages you to sip it like fine brandy. Make beer cocktails with the last warm bit of the can.
It might also help to set goals, like "no more than X beers between these hours" and track those goals.
You don't mention diet, but you probably want lean-ish proteins and veggies only. There's a reason beer and wings and carrots/celery go together...
Lots of other good suggestions in this thread. Good luck.
posted by credulous at 9:19 AM on June 3, 2023 [1 favorite]
Please check out the web for secular AA zoom meetings. You will be welcomed and no questions asked. Screw all the dogma bs, the reason AA works is because it puts you in contact with sober alcoholics. Being around people who have been through what you are going through is key.
posted by charlesminus at 9:24 AM on June 3, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by charlesminus at 9:24 AM on June 3, 2023 [1 favorite]
I highly doubt you’ll be capable of downing as many weed beers as you do alcoholic beers, and if you try this because you drink quickly, you’re going to end up extremely — perhaps unpleasantly — high for hours.
If you want to try weed instead, I’d try smoking a little or taking a modest edible and knocking back a case of NA beer or LaCroix.
That said, it’s clear you’re in the “bargaining” stage of breaking up with booze right now. You’re probably hoping for something that will give you what you like about alcohol, without any of the drawbacks, and that’s probably not going to happen. Once you accept this, it will probably be easier to quit.
posted by vanitas at 11:54 AM on June 3, 2023 [5 favorites]
If you want to try weed instead, I’d try smoking a little or taking a modest edible and knocking back a case of NA beer or LaCroix.
That said, it’s clear you’re in the “bargaining” stage of breaking up with booze right now. You’re probably hoping for something that will give you what you like about alcohol, without any of the drawbacks, and that’s probably not going to happen. Once you accept this, it will probably be easier to quit.
posted by vanitas at 11:54 AM on June 3, 2023 [5 favorites]
My psychiatrist has been trying to convince me to start Naltrexone. Supposedly, I should still feel the effects of being drunk but it will decouple that with the 'reward' of being drunk. The idea is that it will help me taper down my consumption into actual abstinence days.
As a 24+ unit/ day drinker who managed to taper down on my own in my late 30s, I feel you buddy. But at least you've started to think about breaking the cycle.
posted by porpoise at 11:58 AM on June 3, 2023 [3 favorites]
As a 24+ unit/ day drinker who managed to taper down on my own in my late 30s, I feel you buddy. But at least you've started to think about breaking the cycle.
posted by porpoise at 11:58 AM on June 3, 2023 [3 favorites]
I think Zumbador has it. Try to figure out *what* you like about being drunk, and go from there. What are you getting out of drinking that would be missing if you stopped? That said, there's not gonna be much that approaches that blackout drunk feeling. Other than basically full anesthesia.
A lot of people have reported success with using kratom for quitting drinking. Kind of controversial now and totally unregulated, so caveat emptor. But from what I've read, if you get it from a reliable source, there are no obvious huge problems with using it fairly regularly. Certainly fewer problems than using alcohol regularly. It does give you a little bit of a buzz.
Good luck!
posted by nixxon at 1:52 PM on June 3, 2023 [2 favorites]
A lot of people have reported success with using kratom for quitting drinking. Kind of controversial now and totally unregulated, so caveat emptor. But from what I've read, if you get it from a reliable source, there are no obvious huge problems with using it fairly regularly. Certainly fewer problems than using alcohol regularly. It does give you a little bit of a buzz.
Good luck!
posted by nixxon at 1:52 PM on June 3, 2023 [2 favorites]
Depending on what kind of beer you're drinking, you might be able to cut calories by drinking a different kind of alcohol. I'm not a binge drinker, but I quit drinking beer and cider because they were making me gain weight. Mixed drinks (depending on your mixers) can cut the calories way back.
posted by feste at 2:46 PM on June 3, 2023
posted by feste at 2:46 PM on June 3, 2023
You're concerned about your long-term health, but from what you've described, abruptly quitting drinking carries significant risks for you now. You have a medical problem; please, seek professional assistance for it. In Texas, Medicaid covers medication-assisted treatment and counseling for alcohol use disorders.
posted by Iris Gambol at 5:56 PM on June 3, 2023
posted by Iris Gambol at 5:56 PM on June 3, 2023
First, I’m sorry you’ve been struggling. It’s such a hard fucking time in the world right now. We are all trying to cope and we all have our coping mechanisms. I’ve done so much work to be better and I am doing better but I still struggle to be happy and hopeful. For the past couple of years my goto way to avoid the scary feelings has been online dating, which is unfortunate because it can be hopeful but ultimately super disappointing. As are most all unideal coping mechanisms, eh?! I’m taking a break and feeling all the feels. So many thoughts! I’m sharing this to share that, while drinking isn’t my challenge, I do have my own stuff. As do most of us! For some it’s running marathons, which can also be a vice albeit one that’s encouraged and praised by society. In any case…
Second, what to do!?! Little steps. Set tiny goals that have nothing to do with the struggles but rather things you want to achieve. I did 10-30 burpees a day when I started to get fit. I’m still chonky (which is fine) but now I’m also fit (which is good)! I love setting goals like reading x-books a year or writing x-words a day or seeing x-films at a festival. I love setting and achieving random fun goals. What are some things you enjoy that are positive that you can do more of? Good begets good! It’s not a solution but it is a start and certainly a distraction! I’m working on this reset rn myself.
posted by smorgasbord at 6:31 PM on June 3, 2023 [3 favorites]
Second, what to do!?! Little steps. Set tiny goals that have nothing to do with the struggles but rather things you want to achieve. I did 10-30 burpees a day when I started to get fit. I’m still chonky (which is fine) but now I’m also fit (which is good)! I love setting goals like reading x-books a year or writing x-words a day or seeing x-films at a festival. I love setting and achieving random fun goals. What are some things you enjoy that are positive that you can do more of? Good begets good! It’s not a solution but it is a start and certainly a distraction! I’m working on this reset rn myself.
posted by smorgasbord at 6:31 PM on June 3, 2023 [3 favorites]
This may sound ridiculous or it may help.
When I had issues with drinking, I would often resist as long as possible and then say FUCK IT and drink.
Over time, I realized the most powerful I felt in that period was the few seconds between FUCK IT and drinking, which I loved.
Then, someone very glibly mentioned to me that "You don't have a problem drinking until the liquid passes your lips." At first I thought, Well, he's a fucking asshole, but then after a few years it hit me that he was right.
Buying booze doesn't make me an alcoholic. Owning booze doesn't make me an alcoholic. Opening booze doesn't make me an alcoholic. Smelling booze doesn't make me an alcoholic. Drinking booze makes me an alcoholic.
But all of those things make me feel good. Make me feel powerful. Make me feel in control. But only one of them is problematic.
So I'd do all but the last one. And I found that pouring the booze down the sink wasn't quite as gratifying as drinking it... at first. But then it was satisfying. And over time it became even more gratifying.
And over more time I realized how stupid it was to go to the second-to-last step, then the third-to-last step... etc.
Until I finally stopped buying booze.
TLDR; you don't have a problem with drinking until you drink.
posted by dobbs at 6:56 PM on June 3, 2023 [2 favorites]
When I had issues with drinking, I would often resist as long as possible and then say FUCK IT and drink.
Over time, I realized the most powerful I felt in that period was the few seconds between FUCK IT and drinking, which I loved.
Then, someone very glibly mentioned to me that "You don't have a problem drinking until the liquid passes your lips." At first I thought, Well, he's a fucking asshole, but then after a few years it hit me that he was right.
Buying booze doesn't make me an alcoholic. Owning booze doesn't make me an alcoholic. Opening booze doesn't make me an alcoholic. Smelling booze doesn't make me an alcoholic. Drinking booze makes me an alcoholic.
But all of those things make me feel good. Make me feel powerful. Make me feel in control. But only one of them is problematic.
So I'd do all but the last one. And I found that pouring the booze down the sink wasn't quite as gratifying as drinking it... at first. But then it was satisfying. And over time it became even more gratifying.
And over more time I realized how stupid it was to go to the second-to-last step, then the third-to-last step... etc.
Until I finally stopped buying booze.
TLDR; you don't have a problem with drinking until you drink.
posted by dobbs at 6:56 PM on June 3, 2023 [2 favorites]
I would try medication.
And I think you can go to AA even if you’re still drinking.
posted by haptic_avenger at 7:09 PM on June 3, 2023
And I think you can go to AA even if you’re still drinking.
posted by haptic_avenger at 7:09 PM on June 3, 2023
"what's the point of starting to work out "
Just to address this: it can be good for you to exercise whether or not you lose weight, whether or not you continue to drink. You can even see it as slightly repairing or compensating for the damage booze does. Depending on what type of exercise you choose, it can give you something to occupy your mind as well as your body. For some people, it helps with their mental health. Try it for a month and see.
Personally I have found that when I exercise regularly, I don't want to drink so much.
Anyway, don't write it off as an option. Drinking needn't stop you. Give it a go if you want to. It might lead to changes that help with the drink issue. You don't have to make continuing to drink a blocker for any other changes you want to make. Those changes are not pointless.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 10:51 PM on June 3, 2023 [6 favorites]
Just to address this: it can be good for you to exercise whether or not you lose weight, whether or not you continue to drink. You can even see it as slightly repairing or compensating for the damage booze does. Depending on what type of exercise you choose, it can give you something to occupy your mind as well as your body. For some people, it helps with their mental health. Try it for a month and see.
Personally I have found that when I exercise regularly, I don't want to drink so much.
Anyway, don't write it off as an option. Drinking needn't stop you. Give it a go if you want to. It might lead to changes that help with the drink issue. You don't have to make continuing to drink a blocker for any other changes you want to make. Those changes are not pointless.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 10:51 PM on June 3, 2023 [6 favorites]
The book This Naked Mind (I did the audiobook) is a great resource for this.
posted by samthemander at 10:58 PM on June 3, 2023
posted by samthemander at 10:58 PM on June 3, 2023
I am not ready for AA, one because I'm not ready to stop "feeling drunk" on the weekends, and two, I'm not religious or spiritual.
You're definitely ready for AA, then, because neither of these are disqualifiers.
I think part of what's holding you back is a fear of the unknown. That's fair. It's weird to think about what life will be like when you let go of any routine or habit. One of the ways to tiptoe into that way of thinking is, in this case, AA. Hear how people talk. Hear how the thing you think of as spiritual or religious is not that (since a "higher power" is very truly a way to simply ackowledge that there are forces outside of your conscious control that have a stronger grip on our behavior than we like to admit—for me the "higher power" I have in mind when I'm using that term is everything in my unconscious mind that's been dialed to its current settings by all the things that happened in my development and childhood, and boy howdy is there a lot in there). I'm a scientist and I've found a way to deal with these barriers by getting my hands dirty with the process. I bet you can, too.
If that's still too mch, start small. Reddit has been a helpful place for me in a number of ways. Communities like r/stopdrinking and r/stopsmoking very literally helped me change my life. They're communities with even more anonymity than, say, AA. There are good things and bad things about that, but it's the ease of access and participation that make online communities so great.
I'd also encourage you to focus on one thing at a time. Even just reducing your drinking will have all these wild follow-on effects that will help your other goals. For me it was the basics like sleeping better (so much better) that just set my baseline for every day much higher that I could kind of measure in a cost-benefit way on a per-drink basis. Like, ok, I'm at the point where if I know I have another drink I'm going to sleep like shit and tomorrow's going to suck... can I pull back now and have a seltzer with lime instead? Those little gimmicks, man, they add up. I have an army of them now. And you can do the math on weight, too. Two fewer beers per day is 14 fewer beers per week is 728 fewer beers per year is 145,600 fewer calories per year. That's on the order of 40 pounds of bodyweight with no other compensatory changes. No extra exercise, no diet modification. The first time I went two months wihtout alcohol, and I lost almost 20 fucking pounds, that was a huge WOAH WHAT moment in my life.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 2:00 AM on June 9, 2023 [2 favorites]
You're definitely ready for AA, then, because neither of these are disqualifiers.
I think part of what's holding you back is a fear of the unknown. That's fair. It's weird to think about what life will be like when you let go of any routine or habit. One of the ways to tiptoe into that way of thinking is, in this case, AA. Hear how people talk. Hear how the thing you think of as spiritual or religious is not that (since a "higher power" is very truly a way to simply ackowledge that there are forces outside of your conscious control that have a stronger grip on our behavior than we like to admit—for me the "higher power" I have in mind when I'm using that term is everything in my unconscious mind that's been dialed to its current settings by all the things that happened in my development and childhood, and boy howdy is there a lot in there). I'm a scientist and I've found a way to deal with these barriers by getting my hands dirty with the process. I bet you can, too.
If that's still too mch, start small. Reddit has been a helpful place for me in a number of ways. Communities like r/stopdrinking and r/stopsmoking very literally helped me change my life. They're communities with even more anonymity than, say, AA. There are good things and bad things about that, but it's the ease of access and participation that make online communities so great.
I'd also encourage you to focus on one thing at a time. Even just reducing your drinking will have all these wild follow-on effects that will help your other goals. For me it was the basics like sleeping better (so much better) that just set my baseline for every day much higher that I could kind of measure in a cost-benefit way on a per-drink basis. Like, ok, I'm at the point where if I know I have another drink I'm going to sleep like shit and tomorrow's going to suck... can I pull back now and have a seltzer with lime instead? Those little gimmicks, man, they add up. I have an army of them now. And you can do the math on weight, too. Two fewer beers per day is 14 fewer beers per week is 728 fewer beers per year is 145,600 fewer calories per year. That's on the order of 40 pounds of bodyweight with no other compensatory changes. No extra exercise, no diet modification. The first time I went two months wihtout alcohol, and I lost almost 20 fucking pounds, that was a huge WOAH WHAT moment in my life.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 2:00 AM on June 9, 2023 [2 favorites]
I’ve committed to meeting with my doctor on Monday to “discuss my options” for residential treatment. I really hope that I have options beyond “higher power” and “12 steps,” I’ve tried them and they don’t help me.
I’d also love to replace my drinking with pot, with something less harmful in my need to get away. There’s always that overarching need to escape from something. That there is the problem, it’s not all the shame and discomfort, it’s just when I’m not altered in some way I’m suffocated by anger at various things. Things aren’t important, it’s just I need to fix this reaction to them.
posted by bendy at 5:48 PM on June 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
I’d also love to replace my drinking with pot, with something less harmful in my need to get away. There’s always that overarching need to escape from something. That there is the problem, it’s not all the shame and discomfort, it’s just when I’m not altered in some way I’m suffocated by anger at various things. Things aren’t important, it’s just I need to fix this reaction to them.
posted by bendy at 5:48 PM on June 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
I don't know what's legal in Texas, but you don't need to drink to get that feeling, edibles work well. If you want the ritiual of drinking something, there's a lot of great non-alcoholic beer out there, some of it on the less expensive side. I'm pretty sure Budweiser has an NA beer available. Pair that with a suitable edible and you've accomplished your goal.
I'd also like to add that I know a couple of people who had pretty bad drinking problems who didn't go the AA route. Two of them were able to get away from the binge drinking and after six months or a year of no drinking they allowed themselves to have just two drinks a night when socializing. It's been a few decades now that at least one of the people that did this (that I'm still in touch with) is still going strong and you would never know that he had about a decade of once or twice a week blackout drunk binges.
And lastly, baby steps. It might seem hard, but give yourself credit for even the smallest steps in the right direction, and don't beat yourself up too bad for any slip ups. Be forgiving of yourself but also be your own best friend. Have empathy but also don't be too easy on yourself, you want to get through this; talk to yourself as you would your best friend in the world if you saw them doing your behavior and wanted them to get better and be happy.
It's good that you have a job that involves a lot of physical labor. That will help kick start your workout program and hopefully get you feeling better about yourself. And don't forget, if you're drinking a case of beer a weekend, the pounds are gonna drop off if you swap to a single edible a day or so.
posted by newpotato at 2:12 AM on June 3, 2023 [17 favorites]