How do I make the seemingly "impossible" seem "possible"
February 15, 2023 11:03 PM Subscribe
I've been struggling with my job search for over a year and, most of the time, everything just feels impossible. Getting a new job (let alone a job that isn't horrendous) literally feels like an impossible task to me. Sure, I know logically it isn't, but... I can't shake the feeling that I'm going to remain unemployed forever. I've been trying, but this needs to feel possible for me to be motivated. How can getting a job feel like something actually attainable for me?
(Yes, I'm in therapy and I'm on anti-anxiety medication. No, I'm not going to see a new therapist. Yes, I'm considering seeing a career coach, but nothing solid yet.)
Technically I am sort of employed as a substitute at an organization I've worked for for almost 7-ish years (not including my time away at other jobs), so... yeah, but nothing permanent. I have done one short term assignment within a department for over 2 months and I take on 1-day or 2-day jobs as they come up.
This afternoon I asked about applying for a job that's adjacent in my field, but I have no direct experience with. When I was working on the cover letter, I realized that the job actually sounds... terrible! It's more of a call center thing where you give people information they request. Then, I was applying for a library job that seemed like a good fit... until I noticed the part where I'd be supervising a small team of people (which is the last thing I want to do after my previous experience!!). Realizing that these two jobs that seemed like they'd be worthwhile to apply to suddenly seemed not quite right, crushed me. I sound crazy writing that, but it's true. I wrote cover letters anyway, and they're going to be reviewed by a few colleagues tomorrow (I hope).
I was also rejected from a job I interviewed for a few weeks ago, and I did call the manager for for feedback as she offered and all she said was for me to be more succinct in my answers, but my interview was strong (lol obviously it wasn't THAT strong).
All of these things just... crush me. I get so sensitive about EVERYTHING career related. I feel like for my entire life all I make are bad career decisions. I didn't work when I was in high school/getting my undergrad for some reason (just dumb, I guess). I spent 2 years after my undergrad unemployed and doing nothing and was pretty depressed. Then I went back to school for a practical diploma... I did end up working in the field after that. Then I got my MLIS and I feel like my career has been shitty ever since. I "gave up" my permanent position with the school board I worked for (despite it being cut to part-time) for a 1-year position out of town. When I came back I was able to resume my position with the school board because I took a leave of abscence. Then I applied for a *terrible* job in a library, that I thought would just be wonderful and open all these doors and give me great experience... I quit after 6 months because it was horrible in every possible way imaginable. Since then I've just been doing subbing with the school district. Not that the jobs are frequent, but sometimes they happen.
I can hardly bring myself to apply for jobs, but I guess my track record isn't horrible at getting interviews for my cover letters. But despite that, I feel like I have this inability to really BELIEVE I'll ever get a job again. I look at my experience and what I wrote and I just feel pathetic. I probably have a horrible resume now, it just looks like a ton of job hopping. I felt so ashamed when one of the jobs I was updating my resume for wanted me to put the HOURS/DAYS I've worked at each job beside every posting (like 35/hours permanent). And it made me feel so ashamed of my subbing.
Finding a job feels so impossible to me because I don't GET what an employer would ever see in my resume (or in an interview) that sets me apart from anyone else. All the advice is about selling yourself, telling them that YOU can fix their problems, YOU'RE the person they need. I really don't have the confidence for that *at all*. What can I do that's special? Nothing that no one else in my field can't do! All of this just makes getting a job feel and seem impossible. Really, despite my subbing, I have been unemployed for almost a year and a half which must look AWFUL.
This becomes a self-perpetuating cycle when I feel like I can't apply for jobs, then I don't apply for jobs... then I finally do and I get rejected... then I don't apply for jobs, etc. I should apply for jobs in different fields, but I also don't even understand how to sell myself for THOSE jobs. I truly feel like I'll be jobless forever, at this rate. And I will be until I can confidently apply for jobs, but nothing sets me apart from anyone else looking for a job, so what difference does any of this make?
My question is, what can I start doing to make it *FEEL* possible to get a job, because right now it feels impossible. It truly feels ridiculous. Going to the moon feels more realistic. What can I actually DO to have more confidence? What can I actually DO to maybe seem like a decent, worthwhile candidate? What can I DO to make applying for jobs NOT seem like a waste of time? I worry so much about what will happen if I never get another job.
(Yes, I'm in therapy and I'm on anti-anxiety medication. No, I'm not going to see a new therapist. Yes, I'm considering seeing a career coach, but nothing solid yet.)
Technically I am sort of employed as a substitute at an organization I've worked for for almost 7-ish years (not including my time away at other jobs), so... yeah, but nothing permanent. I have done one short term assignment within a department for over 2 months and I take on 1-day or 2-day jobs as they come up.
This afternoon I asked about applying for a job that's adjacent in my field, but I have no direct experience with. When I was working on the cover letter, I realized that the job actually sounds... terrible! It's more of a call center thing where you give people information they request. Then, I was applying for a library job that seemed like a good fit... until I noticed the part where I'd be supervising a small team of people (which is the last thing I want to do after my previous experience!!). Realizing that these two jobs that seemed like they'd be worthwhile to apply to suddenly seemed not quite right, crushed me. I sound crazy writing that, but it's true. I wrote cover letters anyway, and they're going to be reviewed by a few colleagues tomorrow (I hope).
I was also rejected from a job I interviewed for a few weeks ago, and I did call the manager for for feedback as she offered and all she said was for me to be more succinct in my answers, but my interview was strong (lol obviously it wasn't THAT strong).
All of these things just... crush me. I get so sensitive about EVERYTHING career related. I feel like for my entire life all I make are bad career decisions. I didn't work when I was in high school/getting my undergrad for some reason (just dumb, I guess). I spent 2 years after my undergrad unemployed and doing nothing and was pretty depressed. Then I went back to school for a practical diploma... I did end up working in the field after that. Then I got my MLIS and I feel like my career has been shitty ever since. I "gave up" my permanent position with the school board I worked for (despite it being cut to part-time) for a 1-year position out of town. When I came back I was able to resume my position with the school board because I took a leave of abscence. Then I applied for a *terrible* job in a library, that I thought would just be wonderful and open all these doors and give me great experience... I quit after 6 months because it was horrible in every possible way imaginable. Since then I've just been doing subbing with the school district. Not that the jobs are frequent, but sometimes they happen.
I can hardly bring myself to apply for jobs, but I guess my track record isn't horrible at getting interviews for my cover letters. But despite that, I feel like I have this inability to really BELIEVE I'll ever get a job again. I look at my experience and what I wrote and I just feel pathetic. I probably have a horrible resume now, it just looks like a ton of job hopping. I felt so ashamed when one of the jobs I was updating my resume for wanted me to put the HOURS/DAYS I've worked at each job beside every posting (like 35/hours permanent). And it made me feel so ashamed of my subbing.
Finding a job feels so impossible to me because I don't GET what an employer would ever see in my resume (or in an interview) that sets me apart from anyone else. All the advice is about selling yourself, telling them that YOU can fix their problems, YOU'RE the person they need. I really don't have the confidence for that *at all*. What can I do that's special? Nothing that no one else in my field can't do! All of this just makes getting a job feel and seem impossible. Really, despite my subbing, I have been unemployed for almost a year and a half which must look AWFUL.
This becomes a self-perpetuating cycle when I feel like I can't apply for jobs, then I don't apply for jobs... then I finally do and I get rejected... then I don't apply for jobs, etc. I should apply for jobs in different fields, but I also don't even understand how to sell myself for THOSE jobs. I truly feel like I'll be jobless forever, at this rate. And I will be until I can confidently apply for jobs, but nothing sets me apart from anyone else looking for a job, so what difference does any of this make?
My question is, what can I start doing to make it *FEEL* possible to get a job, because right now it feels impossible. It truly feels ridiculous. Going to the moon feels more realistic. What can I actually DO to have more confidence? What can I actually DO to maybe seem like a decent, worthwhile candidate? What can I DO to make applying for jobs NOT seem like a waste of time? I worry so much about what will happen if I never get another job.
In case this is helpful to hear: I have, by many accounts, a very successful library career of not-quite two decades, a job that is pretty well-paying, flexible, and with a fair amount of job security. I have saved all my job applications in a couple of folders. I haven’t applied for more than a few jobs in the past ten years, so, basically, even without counting, I can say that in the first five or so years of my career, I probably applied to more than fifty jobs, maybe closer to 75. I have interviewed at seven jobs, I think, and been offered five jobs, and accepted four.
It’s a slog. It can be incredibly dispiriting at times. Hang in there.
posted by bluedaisy at 12:14 AM on February 16, 2023 [3 favorites]
It’s a slog. It can be incredibly dispiriting at times. Hang in there.
posted by bluedaisy at 12:14 AM on February 16, 2023 [3 favorites]
The only external thing that will make you feel like applying for a job is not a waste of time is getting a job. Which is annoying.
Perhaps you will need to treat the thought that "getting a job is impossible" as an intrusive thought and use CBT techniques on it. I also think it exceedingly unlikely that you are interchangeable with other people with similar skills. That too might need to be treated as an intrusive thought.
I think you need to treat job hunting as a numbers game. Apply to as many jobs as you can reasonably stand to, and then eventually you will get one. An interview to application rate of 1 in 10 is often normal and wouldn't suggest you were doing anything wrong. Then depending on the kinds of roles you're applying for, you'll won't get offers at all of them.
And then, please do something other than job hunting that you enjoy and makes you feel like the valuable and worthwhile person you are. I promise it will help.
posted by plonkee at 1:10 AM on February 16, 2023 [6 favorites]
Perhaps you will need to treat the thought that "getting a job is impossible" as an intrusive thought and use CBT techniques on it. I also think it exceedingly unlikely that you are interchangeable with other people with similar skills. That too might need to be treated as an intrusive thought.
I think you need to treat job hunting as a numbers game. Apply to as many jobs as you can reasonably stand to, and then eventually you will get one. An interview to application rate of 1 in 10 is often normal and wouldn't suggest you were doing anything wrong. Then depending on the kinds of roles you're applying for, you'll won't get offers at all of them.
And then, please do something other than job hunting that you enjoy and makes you feel like the valuable and worthwhile person you are. I promise it will help.
posted by plonkee at 1:10 AM on February 16, 2023 [6 favorites]
Ok first off: you’re not unemployed, you just aren’t employed on a full-time permanent basis. The reason I make a point of that is, you are framing every job experience you’ve had in the absolute worst possible light. How about this: you didn’t work during school because you were focused on your studies. You went back to school for a practical diploma, after which you got work in your field (and what is this? You didn’t describe it at all.) Then you decided to pursue further education and got your MLIS, which led to work with a school board as well as a one-year position (doing what?) out of town. You took a library job hoping to further capitalize on your advanced degree, but after six months decided it wasn’t the right environment for you, and are now working as a substitute teacher while you explore your career options.
None of that is spin. None of it is a lie, or inflating your experience, or any of that. What YOU have written is spin, on the theme of “I suck and am bad and will never get a job,” and to be honest, I suspect that when the interviewer told you to be more succinct, she meant “don’t spend a bunch of time trying to explain away what you think of as your horrible worthless resume.” You ARE qualified, you have interesting and relevant job experience, and you are currently looking for a permanent fit. You’re not any of the mean names you’ve called yourself here.
posted by showbiz_liz at 4:39 AM on February 16, 2023 [27 favorites]
None of that is spin. None of it is a lie, or inflating your experience, or any of that. What YOU have written is spin, on the theme of “I suck and am bad and will never get a job,” and to be honest, I suspect that when the interviewer told you to be more succinct, she meant “don’t spend a bunch of time trying to explain away what you think of as your horrible worthless resume.” You ARE qualified, you have interesting and relevant job experience, and you are currently looking for a permanent fit. You’re not any of the mean names you’ve called yourself here.
posted by showbiz_liz at 4:39 AM on February 16, 2023 [27 favorites]
I think I’ve answered at least two of your job-related questions. The answers are the same, no matter how often you ask it. Chances are you will get a job. You have to persevere. Most of us have been through periods of career difficulty, everything you are feeling is understandable and pretty common.
I have no experience with anxiety meds, I’m assuming you have a good handle on that aspect of your brain health.
As concrete advice, I’d say apply for jobs you don’t think would be a good fit. Your lack of optimism might be improved if you get an offer, even if it is a job you don’t think you’d take. You never know where things might lead. You are talking yourself out of a job you don’t have—that is not a helpful mindset when you are also getting a bit desperate for a job.
When I was floundering around looking for a job in my field of study, I eventually resolved that some dimwit would be stupid enough to hire me and I had to just keep trying. It was a surprisingly comforting strategy.
The best metaphor I can think of for this---you are walking across a desert, and it is a long, dry path and you are all alone….. Everyone keeps telling you—yes! Deserts are dry and hot and no fun! Yes, it takes days and days to get to the village. You have enough water and food, keep walking! You’ll get there.
And you come back with but how do I not worry about this? How do I not fret? How do I know I will ever get there? And everyone says the same stuff again and again.
So, I know this is a tough time for you, but the next time you want to write a long askme about your career, try something else. Go for a walk, watch a TV show, eat cake! Have any friends who don't care what your job is? Go hang with them..... .
From my perspective you are in good shape--keeping up part time work, for example, and you did follow up with the post interview call! I don't think you are receptive to pep talks, though, I feel you are refusing to be consoled, which may be therapist stuff.
Good luck to you.
posted by rhonzo at 4:48 AM on February 16, 2023 [7 favorites]
I have no experience with anxiety meds, I’m assuming you have a good handle on that aspect of your brain health.
As concrete advice, I’d say apply for jobs you don’t think would be a good fit. Your lack of optimism might be improved if you get an offer, even if it is a job you don’t think you’d take. You never know where things might lead. You are talking yourself out of a job you don’t have—that is not a helpful mindset when you are also getting a bit desperate for a job.
When I was floundering around looking for a job in my field of study, I eventually resolved that some dimwit would be stupid enough to hire me and I had to just keep trying. It was a surprisingly comforting strategy.
The best metaphor I can think of for this---you are walking across a desert, and it is a long, dry path and you are all alone….. Everyone keeps telling you—yes! Deserts are dry and hot and no fun! Yes, it takes days and days to get to the village. You have enough water and food, keep walking! You’ll get there.
And you come back with but how do I not worry about this? How do I not fret? How do I know I will ever get there? And everyone says the same stuff again and again.
So, I know this is a tough time for you, but the next time you want to write a long askme about your career, try something else. Go for a walk, watch a TV show, eat cake! Have any friends who don't care what your job is? Go hang with them..... .
From my perspective you are in good shape--keeping up part time work, for example, and you did follow up with the post interview call! I don't think you are receptive to pep talks, though, I feel you are refusing to be consoled, which may be therapist stuff.
Good luck to you.
posted by rhonzo at 4:48 AM on February 16, 2023 [7 favorites]
I am just at the end of a yearlong library job search, during which time I got really down on myself, decided that no one would ever take me seriously given my resume, kept coming up with stabs in the dark at learning new skills and leaving libraries behind entirely, and ended up getting a job offer that seems really cool and that seemed out of reach when I applied.
I worked with my therapist on learning to identify things like "No one is ever going to take me seriously" as stories that my mind is telling me. I've done CBT previously, where you try to identify the flaws in the stories that your mind is telling you and find arguments against them, but working with ACT has been a little bit more helpful to me - that's more about defusing the intensity of the emotion behind the story of "no one is ever going to take me seriously," and then refocusing my attention on what I want and value. In other words: I have no idea if anyone is ever going to take me seriously, but I do want a new job, and I definitely won't get one if I don't write the cover letter and go through the application process. "The Happiness Trap" is a good book to read if you're interested in techniques for defusing the emotions that come up when you start to get overwhelmed by these stories about how awful and hopeless it is.
Library hiring is often weird, capricious, and arbitrary. (TBH hiring everywhere is probably somewhat weird, capricious, and arbitrary). I've had some excellent interviews (I thought) where I ended up getting ghosted and some interviews where I didn't feel as prepared or confident as I wanted to be but I ended up getting the job anyway.
It helps me to think that I don't actually need to be confident, I don't need to believe in myself. All I need to do is write a good cover letter. (Sometimes I think of it in terms of "this is the cover letter that I would write if I were 50% more confident in my own abilities," but honestly, I've had success with cover letters that were just very factual and to-the-point in terms of "I have done the things that a person in this job would need to do, and I have the skills that a person in this job would need to have," and that's a cover letter I can write without any extra confidence in myself.)
posted by Jeanne at 5:31 AM on February 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
I worked with my therapist on learning to identify things like "No one is ever going to take me seriously" as stories that my mind is telling me. I've done CBT previously, where you try to identify the flaws in the stories that your mind is telling you and find arguments against them, but working with ACT has been a little bit more helpful to me - that's more about defusing the intensity of the emotion behind the story of "no one is ever going to take me seriously," and then refocusing my attention on what I want and value. In other words: I have no idea if anyone is ever going to take me seriously, but I do want a new job, and I definitely won't get one if I don't write the cover letter and go through the application process. "The Happiness Trap" is a good book to read if you're interested in techniques for defusing the emotions that come up when you start to get overwhelmed by these stories about how awful and hopeless it is.
Library hiring is often weird, capricious, and arbitrary. (TBH hiring everywhere is probably somewhat weird, capricious, and arbitrary). I've had some excellent interviews (I thought) where I ended up getting ghosted and some interviews where I didn't feel as prepared or confident as I wanted to be but I ended up getting the job anyway.
It helps me to think that I don't actually need to be confident, I don't need to believe in myself. All I need to do is write a good cover letter. (Sometimes I think of it in terms of "this is the cover letter that I would write if I were 50% more confident in my own abilities," but honestly, I've had success with cover letters that were just very factual and to-the-point in terms of "I have done the things that a person in this job would need to do, and I have the skills that a person in this job would need to have," and that's a cover letter I can write without any extra confidence in myself.)
posted by Jeanne at 5:31 AM on February 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
What can I do that's special? Nothing that no one else in my field can't do!
In most cases, employers aren't looking for some unique ninja rockstar one-of-a-kind whatever. They're just looking for someone who can do the work.
You're not the only one who can do the work, but you are one of the ones who can. Which is why people say it's a numbers game.
Realizing that these two jobs that seemed like they'd be worthwhile to apply to suddenly seemed not quite right, crushed me.
Yeah, jobs that seem good can turn out bad. Jobs that seem bad can turn out good too. That's important to remember.
Of all the work you've ever done, what parts of it have you enjoyed, at any point?
posted by trig at 5:37 AM on February 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
In most cases, employers aren't looking for some unique ninja rockstar one-of-a-kind whatever. They're just looking for someone who can do the work.
You're not the only one who can do the work, but you are one of the ones who can. Which is why people say it's a numbers game.
Realizing that these two jobs that seemed like they'd be worthwhile to apply to suddenly seemed not quite right, crushed me.
Yeah, jobs that seem good can turn out bad. Jobs that seem bad can turn out good too. That's important to remember.
Of all the work you've ever done, what parts of it have you enjoyed, at any point?
posted by trig at 5:37 AM on February 16, 2023 [1 favorite]
How do I make the seemingly "impossible" seem "possible"
I'm going to take this question at face value and not from a job perspective.
You keep doing it, little steps by little steps. I'll give you an example - I have an abuse history. I wanted to get fit and learn stuff. My first two yoga classes I laid in child's pose and leaked tears. My first attempts at running gave me panic attacks. When I started martial arts I had a rage reaction to a self-defense move where the instructor pinned me and I quit for three months.
Some exercise/exercise classes were bad. Some I didn't like. Some I thought I might like if I could stop panicking. I wasted money and time. But I kept going and trying different ones.
Now I feel okay walking into a variety of exercise environments. Not because I ever - I never ever did - had a moment where my emotions shifted first. What changed my emotions was feeling like shit and doing the thing anyway - slowly, small bits, giving myself time to adjust.
I think you are doing this and your posts are part of your process. Clearly you are working, you are applying, you are going to interviews. Just keep at it. I know this is boring advice.
posted by warriorqueen at 6:50 AM on February 16, 2023 [7 favorites]
I'm going to take this question at face value and not from a job perspective.
You keep doing it, little steps by little steps. I'll give you an example - I have an abuse history. I wanted to get fit and learn stuff. My first two yoga classes I laid in child's pose and leaked tears. My first attempts at running gave me panic attacks. When I started martial arts I had a rage reaction to a self-defense move where the instructor pinned me and I quit for three months.
Some exercise/exercise classes were bad. Some I didn't like. Some I thought I might like if I could stop panicking. I wasted money and time. But I kept going and trying different ones.
Now I feel okay walking into a variety of exercise environments. Not because I ever - I never ever did - had a moment where my emotions shifted first. What changed my emotions was feeling like shit and doing the thing anyway - slowly, small bits, giving myself time to adjust.
I think you are doing this and your posts are part of your process. Clearly you are working, you are applying, you are going to interviews. Just keep at it. I know this is boring advice.
posted by warriorqueen at 6:50 AM on February 16, 2023 [7 favorites]
I've noticed your posts over time. First you are working really hard on a lot of processing of tough workplace dynamics, so give yourself some credit!
Here's two things you could do:
1. Reframe your thinking about the job market & hiring process. Spend some time talking to friends who have jobs and especially those who work in or around HR. Getting a job is never about finding someone "unique" and its always accompanied by a thousand external factors (the job is only posted externally for HR reasons and they have an inside candidate; you saw the ad well after it was posted; they are really looking for a super specific niche thing that is not actually in their job posting) - so mostly you just need to apply, apply, and apply.
If you get an interview for a job that isn't your thing, just do it. If you get the offer, decide then if its worth taking, for now. Every time you apply, forget you applied, move on to the next application.
2. Atomic habits. Finding a job is hard, but mostly because its so much work! You have to submit many applications, update cover letters, research the company, etc... its just work. But the only way you will submit applications is by doing it, and you can't do it ALL in one day. So break down the application process into components. Figure out how long it takes to submit an application, usually (let's say 2 hours). Decide how many hours a week you can give (let's say 10). Each day put in your two hours, and at the end of each week, see if that equation worked - you submitted about 5 applications, maybe plus 1 or minus 1 depending. Keep this really well organized so you can go back and reuse the templated text and resumes you've created for each application.
If you do that, the applications will get submitted. If you think about "I don't have a job", you'll be stressed.
posted by RajahKing at 11:14 AM on February 16, 2023
Here's two things you could do:
1. Reframe your thinking about the job market & hiring process. Spend some time talking to friends who have jobs and especially those who work in or around HR. Getting a job is never about finding someone "unique" and its always accompanied by a thousand external factors (the job is only posted externally for HR reasons and they have an inside candidate; you saw the ad well after it was posted; they are really looking for a super specific niche thing that is not actually in their job posting) - so mostly you just need to apply, apply, and apply.
If you get an interview for a job that isn't your thing, just do it. If you get the offer, decide then if its worth taking, for now. Every time you apply, forget you applied, move on to the next application.
2. Atomic habits. Finding a job is hard, but mostly because its so much work! You have to submit many applications, update cover letters, research the company, etc... its just work. But the only way you will submit applications is by doing it, and you can't do it ALL in one day. So break down the application process into components. Figure out how long it takes to submit an application, usually (let's say 2 hours). Decide how many hours a week you can give (let's say 10). Each day put in your two hours, and at the end of each week, see if that equation worked - you submitted about 5 applications, maybe plus 1 or minus 1 depending. Keep this really well organized so you can go back and reuse the templated text and resumes you've created for each application.
If you do that, the applications will get submitted. If you think about "I don't have a job", you'll be stressed.
posted by RajahKing at 11:14 AM on February 16, 2023
I did call the manager for for feedback as she offered and all she said was for me to be more succinct in my answers, but my interview was strong (lol obviously it wasn't THAT strong).
I also want to speak to this, as someone who has been in a few roles for the interview process in libraries, as an interviewee, search committee member, search committee head, and hiring manager.
It happens all that time that great people with strong qualifications interview very well and we don't hire them. Why? Because some other great person with strong qualifications also interviewed very well, and something about the other person's experience or interview suggested they'd be better suited for the role. I can still think of a few cases where I'm pretty sure we made a bad not-great choice in hiring. I can think of a few cases where we had multiple excellent candidates, and we had a very difficult time making a choice. I still feel bad about a few people in particular, who seemed fantastic, but happened to be an in a pool with other pretty fantastic people.
It's great that you asked the manager for the feedback she offered. It's also important to try to start believing the positive things people tell you, instead of just the negative things. Like, I almost hesitate to respond to your questions, because I'm pretty sure you have a story you are telling yourself about your job and professional self, and you don't really want to hear things that contradict that story.
What can I do that's special? Nothing that no one else in my field can't do!
And I'll echo what trig said. Working with professional rock stars can be pretty terrible! I don't want them as coworkers. I want to work with folks who are solid at their jobs. It would be pretty terrible to work someplace where everyone is a diva, you know?
posted by bluedaisy at 11:48 AM on February 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
I also want to speak to this, as someone who has been in a few roles for the interview process in libraries, as an interviewee, search committee member, search committee head, and hiring manager.
It happens all that time that great people with strong qualifications interview very well and we don't hire them. Why? Because some other great person with strong qualifications also interviewed very well, and something about the other person's experience or interview suggested they'd be better suited for the role. I can still think of a few cases where I'm pretty sure we made a bad not-great choice in hiring. I can think of a few cases where we had multiple excellent candidates, and we had a very difficult time making a choice. I still feel bad about a few people in particular, who seemed fantastic, but happened to be an in a pool with other pretty fantastic people.
It's great that you asked the manager for the feedback she offered. It's also important to try to start believing the positive things people tell you, instead of just the negative things. Like, I almost hesitate to respond to your questions, because I'm pretty sure you have a story you are telling yourself about your job and professional self, and you don't really want to hear things that contradict that story.
What can I do that's special? Nothing that no one else in my field can't do!
And I'll echo what trig said. Working with professional rock stars can be pretty terrible! I don't want them as coworkers. I want to work with folks who are solid at their jobs. It would be pretty terrible to work someplace where everyone is a diva, you know?
posted by bluedaisy at 11:48 AM on February 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
Paradoxically, when I'm down on myself I just tell myself that lots of average and below-average people have jobs. They just happened to fill the right need in the right place at the right time. It's numbers and luck, basically. And as a hiring manager I can tell you everything said upthread is true, and also sometimes you lose funding for a role or get strongarmed into an internal hire but aren't allowed to announce it to your candidates. Lots of things that look like rejections, really aren't personal at all.
posted by Threeve at 12:53 PM on February 16, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by Threeve at 12:53 PM on February 16, 2023 [3 favorites]
I've been reading your posts and I want to come at this a little from left field and say, what do you want to do, day in and day out? It doesn't seem like you are all that stoked about being a librarian. Just because you have the degree doesn't mean you have to have the career, you know. You could do something completely different, or, and here's a radical idea, you could decide that maybe a career doesn't have to be the central defining position of your whole life. Maybe all your anxiety is telling you that the career focused path is not actually the path for you. There's nothing wrong with that. People who just have jobs are not intrinsically worse people than those who follow a set path. If you really want a full time job, spend one day a week applying for every single opening you see, whether it's in your field or not. I mean, what do you have to lose?
In fact, you don't have to have a career at all! There is no law that says, you must go forth and work at a career and move up the ladder and etc., etc. If you can afford it then why not just do a series of temp jobs and part time jobs until or unless you find something that really clicks? Lean into your substitute jobs and enjoy the flexibility they give you. Use the extra time to volunteer or take classes - fun classes, not degree focused classes - or just sit and breathe. Make some art. Learn to cook something complicated. Life is short. A job, at the end of the day, is just a job.
I feel like you are mixing yourself up with your job too much. Your career/job doesn't define you and success is something you get to define for yourself. I, personally, would rather be poorer with more time to relax than the opposite (unfortunately lI have not worked this part out; I have a full time job that takes way too much time and I wish I did not, but bills and dependents wait for noone.) Think about what you really enjoy. Think about what you would want to do every day if money was no issue - and then figure out how to pay for that. Defining yourself and your self worth through your job is always going to be an exercise in frustration.
posted by mygothlaundry at 1:42 PM on February 16, 2023 [4 favorites]
In fact, you don't have to have a career at all! There is no law that says, you must go forth and work at a career and move up the ladder and etc., etc. If you can afford it then why not just do a series of temp jobs and part time jobs until or unless you find something that really clicks? Lean into your substitute jobs and enjoy the flexibility they give you. Use the extra time to volunteer or take classes - fun classes, not degree focused classes - or just sit and breathe. Make some art. Learn to cook something complicated. Life is short. A job, at the end of the day, is just a job.
I feel like you are mixing yourself up with your job too much. Your career/job doesn't define you and success is something you get to define for yourself. I, personally, would rather be poorer with more time to relax than the opposite (unfortunately lI have not worked this part out; I have a full time job that takes way too much time and I wish I did not, but bills and dependents wait for noone.) Think about what you really enjoy. Think about what you would want to do every day if money was no issue - and then figure out how to pay for that. Defining yourself and your self worth through your job is always going to be an exercise in frustration.
posted by mygothlaundry at 1:42 PM on February 16, 2023 [4 favorites]
Came to say something similar as mygothlaundry: Why do you want a job? Is it because you need the money? And/or is it because you feel like you have to have a job? i.e. that proves you're a worthy and functioning member of society, you're not worthless, not a leech, you spent all this money on your degree so therefore you have to use it... If it's not because you really the need the money, it's really ok to not have a job. Maybe not for the rest of your life (unless you become independently wealthy somehow) but maybe you can just ease up on the "MUST FIND AND GET JOB" and work on other areas of your life that actually bring you joy. I've seen it many times on mefi: you are not your job. You are still a worthy human being if you don't have paid work.
In particular, you really have to deal with your shame. Please talk to your therapist about shame. How and why you feel ashamed. Shame tells you that you are wrong to your core. The problem with that is that you'll always feel stuck, that no matter what you do, there's no changing anything. It makes you look at the world in a black and white way - I just have to do X! But it feels impossible! I can't do it! So, talk a long look at your shame. This may sound woo but: talk to it. Have a written conversation with it. What does it believe? What does it want?
Similarly to showbiz_liz, I want to rewrite the story you're telling yourself.
>Realizing that these two jobs that seemed like they'd be worthwhile to apply to suddenly seemed not quite right crushed me.
You realized that those jobs weren't what you wanted. You have a good sense of discernment.
>I wrote cover letters anyway, and they're going to be reviewed by a few colleagues tomorrow (I hope).
Yet, you still persevered, and *got practice writing cover letters.* You didn't give up. You asked for help from your colleagues. You have colleagues that you can ask for help from! Even if they don't review them, that's fine. Maybe it's because they have other things on their plate, etc. If they don't, it's not that they don't like you or don't care.
>I was also rejected from a job I interviewed for a few weeks ago, and I did call the manager for for feedback as she offered and all she said was for me to be more succinct in my answers, but my interview was strong (lol obviously it wasn't THAT strong).
You got a job interview! The manager offered you feedback! You actually called and got the feedback! She said your interview was strong! This is all GREAT news. Ok, you didn't get the job, but I'm trying to help you see that this is not as bad as you think. There are lots of great things going on here, but you can't/won't see them.
>I feel like for my entire life all I make are bad career decisions. I didn't work when I was in high school/getting my undergrad for some reason (just dumb, I guess).
Don't dismiss yourself as just dumb, you guess. You didn't work during school because: you wanted to focus on studies. Your parents told you not to worry about getting a job and focus on school. You felt too young to work. You wanted to focus on other activities. What was the *actual* reason you didn't work in high school/undergrad? It's not because you were dumb. It's not a bad career decision to not work in high school/undergrad. You can't keep looking at the past - you can't change it so you have to focus on the now.
>I spent 2 years after my undergrad unemployed and doing nothing and was pretty depressed. Then I went back to school for a practical diploma...
You actually graduated. You finished your undergrad. There are people who don't do that. Somehow, after two years of depression, you made a decision and applied for a diploma. This is amazing! It is so much work to just apply - getting your transcripts, application form, references, filling all that out... You did all that. You! You have to give yourself credit.
>I did end up working in the field after that.
Amazing! You did what you set out to do! You did all that work in the program, you graduated and got the diploma, and then you got work after that! You did all the stuff you needed to do to get a job... And you got the job!
>Then I got my MLIS
Then you got your MLIS! Meaning you did the whole rigamarole of applying, getting in, actually attending and doing all that work. That's not nothing! It's very much not nothing!
>I "gave up" my permanent position with the school board I worked for (despite it being cut to part-time) for a 1-year position out of town.
Not sure why you are saying that YOU gave up the school board job, when it was made part-time, i.e. something out of your control. So you realized the job situation was changing, and so you made a decision again and got another job! So you did the whole thing again - searched for a job, applied, interviewed, got the job, showed up and did the job for a year. And how was that job? Did you learn anything about yourself doing that job?
>When I came back I was able to resume my position with the school board because I took a leave of abscence.
So that's great too - they were satisfied enough with you that you worked there again. I know you can say that took a leave of absence and therefore they were obligated to resume your position, but if they really didn't like you, they'd figure out a way to make sure you didn't come back. Again, this is not nothing. This is not a small thing.
>Then I applied for a *terrible* job in a library, that I thought would just be wonderful and open all these doors and give me great experience... I quit after 6 months because it was horrible in every possible way imaginable.
Ok so that job was terrible. But you did the job search and applying thing again. You got the interview, and you stayed there for 6 months. That shows dedication. Even when it sucked balls, you still stuck to it. Finally you made a decision for yourself and quit because you knew it was terrible. You put yourself first. You could have stayed longer and made things worse for yourself.
>Since then I've just been doing subbing with the school district. Not that the jobs are frequent, but sometimes they happen.
So you *do* have a job. It may not be full-time permanent 40 hours/week with benefits, but you have a job. And you're able to take the assignments when you can, which shows flexibility.
>I guess my track record isn't horrible at getting interviews for my cover letters.
Please give yourself more credit "My track record isn't horrible"? C'mon. You have a REALLY GOOD track record at getting interviews based on your cover letter AND resume (some employers don't even read cover letters) so that means you're doing something right. Are you going to get an interview for every application? No. No one does. But it sounds like you have gotten a good number of interviews.
>But despite that, I feel like I have this inability to really BELIEVE I'll ever get a job again. I look at my experience and what I wrote and I just feel pathetic. I probably have a horrible resume now, it just looks like a ton of job hopping.
Ok, this is where we must dig deep. You feel like you'll never get a job again - what do you mean? Do you mean getting a job that pays a good salary and is something you're interested in? If so, what is a good salary to you, and what is something you're interested?
I really hope you don't feel pathetic after my re-write. There's actually a LOT of successes in your background, but you can't/won't see it. Look at your resume again with a different eye. Instead of job hopping, maybe frame it as how these different jobs demonstrated your skills. And you haven't job hopped a lot - job hopping to me means a few months here and there for a few years, with some gaps etc. and even then you could probably make a good resume out of all of that.
>I felt so ashamed when one of the jobs I was updating my resume for wanted me to put the HOURS/DAYS I've worked at each job beside every posting (like 35/hours permanent). And it made me feel so ashamed of my subbing.
Like another mefite said, the question was bullshit. Please don't be ashamed of your subbing. It's important work and requires you to be super flexible. And *why* are you ashamed of it?
>Finding a job feels so impossible to me because I don't GET what an employer would ever see in my resume (or in an interview) that sets me apart from anyone else.
And yet, employers HAVE seen something in your resume and interviews and wanted to hire you. Job searching is super hard because you can't read the employer's mind; you don't really know what they're thinking. You don't know what the other candidates are like. Even if you did, how would that change what you did in the process? The only thing you can do is do your best. This means showing them what YOU think are your best skills, your enthusiasm and interest (if any) for the field. It's learning a little bit about the organization and the job, and YOU determining if it's right for you, then showcasing why you think it's a good fit. And you DO have skills in determining what's right for you; cf. the two jobs you wrote cover letters for.
>All the advice is about selling yourself, telling them that YOU can fix their problems, YOU'RE the person they need. I really don't have the confidence for that *at all*. What can I do that's special? Nothing that no one else in my field can't do!
Well is everyone in your field applying for that particular job? What matters is the field of candidates for that particular job. Yes, some may be better, and some may be worse than you. Again, all you can do is do your best in showcasing why you and the job are a good fit.
>All of this just makes getting a job feel and seem impossible. Really, despite my subbing, I have been unemployed for almost a year and a half which must look AWFUL.
Friend, you're the only one who thinks it's AWFUL and that's a big part that's holding you back. You have a job. Yes, you may be underemployed, but again, that's nothing to be ashamed of. People are under/unemployed for much longer and they can still enter the workforce after that.
>I truly feel like I'll be jobless forever, at this rate. And I will be until I can confidently apply for jobs, but nothing sets me apart from anyone else looking for a job, so what difference does any of this make?
You're catastrophizing. Yes, it would be nice if you could be confident when applying for a job, but you don't actually need to be confident. You just need to do it. When someone reads your application, they don't know if you're confident or sad or angry or whatever. Take your emotions and feelings out of it. Don't think, just do.
>My question is, what can I start doing to make it *FEEL* possible to get a job, because right now it feels impossible. It truly feels ridiculous. Going to the moon feels more realistic.
Why does going to the moon feel more realistic? Probably because you have no feelings or investment in going to the moon, right? You don't really care, so it doesn't matter if you go to the moon or not. Of course going to the moon is objectively WAY harder then applying for a job, but try telling your jerkbrain that right?
>What can I actually DO to have more confidence? What can I actually DO to maybe seem like a decent, worthwhile candidate? What can I DO to make applying for jobs NOT seem like a waste of time?
Ok, so what can you DO to actually make yourself feel better about the soul-crushing process of job searching? You really, really have to let go of the outcomes. You're too focused on MUST GET JOB so therefore everything that is not that is a fail. That's why it feels so impossible to you.
>I worry so much about what will happen if I never get another job.
You're catastrophizing again. You're asking what you can do - you really need to rethink everything. I know, getting a root canal sounds more fun, but what you're doing now is making you feel awful. So do the surgical work (as it were), dig deep, and change the way you think and talk about yourself. Change the way you think about getting a job, what getting a job means to you. Let go out of the outcomes. Be ok with who you are. Do NOT say "but I'm a pathetic [or whatever negative you wanna to say about yourself] person - how can I accept myself?" That's where changing the way you think about yourself comes in. What if you only spoke positively about yourself for a day, what would happen? Try it. It will feel weird and fake, and be hard, but hey you can always go back to thinking negatively anytime you want. I challenge you to only say positive things about yourself for a week and see how you feel. If you slip up, start the week again. Then do it for another. And another. It's ok to mess up! The important part is that you're learning about yourself and trying to do things differently.
Other practical things: are there people who you can go to for advice? E.g. can you show them your resume and ask, do you think this job hopping is an issue and what can I do about it? And if you want to get a job, another way to do that is networking and talking to people. Practice saying what kind of job you're looking for and what your skills are. You don't only have to apply for posted job positions. Talk to people. Ask for advice. Believe people when they tell you you're skilled, don't put yourself down. You'd be insulting their judgement and hurting yourself.
I truly believe that you can turn your attitude and negative self-talk around. I hope you can too.
posted by foxjacket at 5:55 PM on February 16, 2023 [6 favorites]
In particular, you really have to deal with your shame. Please talk to your therapist about shame. How and why you feel ashamed. Shame tells you that you are wrong to your core. The problem with that is that you'll always feel stuck, that no matter what you do, there's no changing anything. It makes you look at the world in a black and white way - I just have to do X! But it feels impossible! I can't do it! So, talk a long look at your shame. This may sound woo but: talk to it. Have a written conversation with it. What does it believe? What does it want?
Similarly to showbiz_liz, I want to rewrite the story you're telling yourself.
>Realizing that these two jobs that seemed like they'd be worthwhile to apply to suddenly seemed not quite right crushed me.
You realized that those jobs weren't what you wanted. You have a good sense of discernment.
>I wrote cover letters anyway, and they're going to be reviewed by a few colleagues tomorrow (I hope).
Yet, you still persevered, and *got practice writing cover letters.* You didn't give up. You asked for help from your colleagues. You have colleagues that you can ask for help from! Even if they don't review them, that's fine. Maybe it's because they have other things on their plate, etc. If they don't, it's not that they don't like you or don't care.
>I was also rejected from a job I interviewed for a few weeks ago, and I did call the manager for for feedback as she offered and all she said was for me to be more succinct in my answers, but my interview was strong (lol obviously it wasn't THAT strong).
You got a job interview! The manager offered you feedback! You actually called and got the feedback! She said your interview was strong! This is all GREAT news. Ok, you didn't get the job, but I'm trying to help you see that this is not as bad as you think. There are lots of great things going on here, but you can't/won't see them.
>I feel like for my entire life all I make are bad career decisions. I didn't work when I was in high school/getting my undergrad for some reason (just dumb, I guess).
Don't dismiss yourself as just dumb, you guess. You didn't work during school because: you wanted to focus on studies. Your parents told you not to worry about getting a job and focus on school. You felt too young to work. You wanted to focus on other activities. What was the *actual* reason you didn't work in high school/undergrad? It's not because you were dumb. It's not a bad career decision to not work in high school/undergrad. You can't keep looking at the past - you can't change it so you have to focus on the now.
>I spent 2 years after my undergrad unemployed and doing nothing and was pretty depressed. Then I went back to school for a practical diploma...
You actually graduated. You finished your undergrad. There are people who don't do that. Somehow, after two years of depression, you made a decision and applied for a diploma. This is amazing! It is so much work to just apply - getting your transcripts, application form, references, filling all that out... You did all that. You! You have to give yourself credit.
>I did end up working in the field after that.
Amazing! You did what you set out to do! You did all that work in the program, you graduated and got the diploma, and then you got work after that! You did all the stuff you needed to do to get a job... And you got the job!
>Then I got my MLIS
Then you got your MLIS! Meaning you did the whole rigamarole of applying, getting in, actually attending and doing all that work. That's not nothing! It's very much not nothing!
>I "gave up" my permanent position with the school board I worked for (despite it being cut to part-time) for a 1-year position out of town.
Not sure why you are saying that YOU gave up the school board job, when it was made part-time, i.e. something out of your control. So you realized the job situation was changing, and so you made a decision again and got another job! So you did the whole thing again - searched for a job, applied, interviewed, got the job, showed up and did the job for a year. And how was that job? Did you learn anything about yourself doing that job?
>When I came back I was able to resume my position with the school board because I took a leave of abscence.
So that's great too - they were satisfied enough with you that you worked there again. I know you can say that took a leave of absence and therefore they were obligated to resume your position, but if they really didn't like you, they'd figure out a way to make sure you didn't come back. Again, this is not nothing. This is not a small thing.
>Then I applied for a *terrible* job in a library, that I thought would just be wonderful and open all these doors and give me great experience... I quit after 6 months because it was horrible in every possible way imaginable.
Ok so that job was terrible. But you did the job search and applying thing again. You got the interview, and you stayed there for 6 months. That shows dedication. Even when it sucked balls, you still stuck to it. Finally you made a decision for yourself and quit because you knew it was terrible. You put yourself first. You could have stayed longer and made things worse for yourself.
>Since then I've just been doing subbing with the school district. Not that the jobs are frequent, but sometimes they happen.
So you *do* have a job. It may not be full-time permanent 40 hours/week with benefits, but you have a job. And you're able to take the assignments when you can, which shows flexibility.
>I guess my track record isn't horrible at getting interviews for my cover letters.
Please give yourself more credit "My track record isn't horrible"? C'mon. You have a REALLY GOOD track record at getting interviews based on your cover letter AND resume (some employers don't even read cover letters) so that means you're doing something right. Are you going to get an interview for every application? No. No one does. But it sounds like you have gotten a good number of interviews.
>But despite that, I feel like I have this inability to really BELIEVE I'll ever get a job again. I look at my experience and what I wrote and I just feel pathetic. I probably have a horrible resume now, it just looks like a ton of job hopping.
Ok, this is where we must dig deep. You feel like you'll never get a job again - what do you mean? Do you mean getting a job that pays a good salary and is something you're interested in? If so, what is a good salary to you, and what is something you're interested?
I really hope you don't feel pathetic after my re-write. There's actually a LOT of successes in your background, but you can't/won't see it. Look at your resume again with a different eye. Instead of job hopping, maybe frame it as how these different jobs demonstrated your skills. And you haven't job hopped a lot - job hopping to me means a few months here and there for a few years, with some gaps etc. and even then you could probably make a good resume out of all of that.
>I felt so ashamed when one of the jobs I was updating my resume for wanted me to put the HOURS/DAYS I've worked at each job beside every posting (like 35/hours permanent). And it made me feel so ashamed of my subbing.
Like another mefite said, the question was bullshit. Please don't be ashamed of your subbing. It's important work and requires you to be super flexible. And *why* are you ashamed of it?
>Finding a job feels so impossible to me because I don't GET what an employer would ever see in my resume (or in an interview) that sets me apart from anyone else.
And yet, employers HAVE seen something in your resume and interviews and wanted to hire you. Job searching is super hard because you can't read the employer's mind; you don't really know what they're thinking. You don't know what the other candidates are like. Even if you did, how would that change what you did in the process? The only thing you can do is do your best. This means showing them what YOU think are your best skills, your enthusiasm and interest (if any) for the field. It's learning a little bit about the organization and the job, and YOU determining if it's right for you, then showcasing why you think it's a good fit. And you DO have skills in determining what's right for you; cf. the two jobs you wrote cover letters for.
>All the advice is about selling yourself, telling them that YOU can fix their problems, YOU'RE the person they need. I really don't have the confidence for that *at all*. What can I do that's special? Nothing that no one else in my field can't do!
Well is everyone in your field applying for that particular job? What matters is the field of candidates for that particular job. Yes, some may be better, and some may be worse than you. Again, all you can do is do your best in showcasing why you and the job are a good fit.
>All of this just makes getting a job feel and seem impossible. Really, despite my subbing, I have been unemployed for almost a year and a half which must look AWFUL.
Friend, you're the only one who thinks it's AWFUL and that's a big part that's holding you back. You have a job. Yes, you may be underemployed, but again, that's nothing to be ashamed of. People are under/unemployed for much longer and they can still enter the workforce after that.
>I truly feel like I'll be jobless forever, at this rate. And I will be until I can confidently apply for jobs, but nothing sets me apart from anyone else looking for a job, so what difference does any of this make?
You're catastrophizing. Yes, it would be nice if you could be confident when applying for a job, but you don't actually need to be confident. You just need to do it. When someone reads your application, they don't know if you're confident or sad or angry or whatever. Take your emotions and feelings out of it. Don't think, just do.
>My question is, what can I start doing to make it *FEEL* possible to get a job, because right now it feels impossible. It truly feels ridiculous. Going to the moon feels more realistic.
Why does going to the moon feel more realistic? Probably because you have no feelings or investment in going to the moon, right? You don't really care, so it doesn't matter if you go to the moon or not. Of course going to the moon is objectively WAY harder then applying for a job, but try telling your jerkbrain that right?
>What can I actually DO to have more confidence? What can I actually DO to maybe seem like a decent, worthwhile candidate? What can I DO to make applying for jobs NOT seem like a waste of time?
Ok, so what can you DO to actually make yourself feel better about the soul-crushing process of job searching? You really, really have to let go of the outcomes. You're too focused on MUST GET JOB so therefore everything that is not that is a fail. That's why it feels so impossible to you.
>I worry so much about what will happen if I never get another job.
You're catastrophizing again. You're asking what you can do - you really need to rethink everything. I know, getting a root canal sounds more fun, but what you're doing now is making you feel awful. So do the surgical work (as it were), dig deep, and change the way you think and talk about yourself. Change the way you think about getting a job, what getting a job means to you. Let go out of the outcomes. Be ok with who you are. Do NOT say "but I'm a pathetic [or whatever negative you wanna to say about yourself] person - how can I accept myself?" That's where changing the way you think about yourself comes in. What if you only spoke positively about yourself for a day, what would happen? Try it. It will feel weird and fake, and be hard, but hey you can always go back to thinking negatively anytime you want. I challenge you to only say positive things about yourself for a week and see how you feel. If you slip up, start the week again. Then do it for another. And another. It's ok to mess up! The important part is that you're learning about yourself and trying to do things differently.
Other practical things: are there people who you can go to for advice? E.g. can you show them your resume and ask, do you think this job hopping is an issue and what can I do about it? And if you want to get a job, another way to do that is networking and talking to people. Practice saying what kind of job you're looking for and what your skills are. You don't only have to apply for posted job positions. Talk to people. Ask for advice. Believe people when they tell you you're skilled, don't put yourself down. You'd be insulting their judgement and hurting yourself.
I truly believe that you can turn your attitude and negative self-talk around. I hope you can too.
posted by foxjacket at 5:55 PM on February 16, 2023 [6 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
I turned it into a spreadsheet and numbers game, methodically writing cover letters and applying for anything within range. Your application:interview ratio is super variable by your field and current job market. I job searched 8 months apart and the first time was a higher ratio of responses than the second, but the second one led to my now job which is way better. It is a numbers game that has no real relation to the quality of the job - and on the hiring side, they can get 3 resumes or 300 and still can't always tell if they're hiring a dud or a start. So the numbers make it a goal (send X each week, compare ratio of interviews each month), but it's still ultimately... meaningless.
The other thing is that I read askamanager thoroughly to get a sense of what was reasonable and what was HR bullshit (hours of a job??? bullshit).
I got friends to look at my CV and cover letters and wrote different versions for jobs where I didn't think I had a shot but so I could practice version A, version B, version C. I thought of it as practice and testing a Work Me - not the real me, but work me who is efficient and cheerful and interested in the company. That helped me feel less like they were rejecting the real me, just Work Me.
Long unemployment is HARD because so much of society centers personal value around work. Push yourself to find other things in your own values that you like about yourself - think of other unemployed or underemployed people who are awesome and contributing to society. Plenty of employed people actively make the world worse through their work - a pay cheque is not you.
I took days off (no applications or searching) when job hunting because it was so hard. It helped to have other friends jobhunting to vent with.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 11:42 PM on February 15, 2023 [5 favorites]