Should I keep volunteering to teach a student who stands me up?
November 10, 2022 8:57 AM Subscribe
I started volunteering as an ESL tutor in June. At first, my student was very enthusiastic, asking for homework and showing up ready to learn. She canceled occasionally, often at the last minute. Now she's canceling more often than not, and has stood me up twice. I'm frustrated and considering telling her we're done until she can really commit to our sessions, but I'm not sure a) if that's being fair to her; and b) how to go about doing so.
A local program matched me with a very nice woman who I started meeting for an hour twice a week at the local library. I told her that if she needed to cancel it was fine, but she needed to give me at least one hour's notice.
I looked this morning at my calendar, and she has canceled on me 10 times since we started this in June. (By contrast, we've met 18 times.) A couple of those were illness (which I get!) and a couple were being stuck at work (which I also understand). But a few were very last minute, "Sorry I'm on vacation" or out of town for other reasons. At one point we discussed it and decided to switch to a single longer session each week to make it easier to meet. That helped for a few weeks, but then she started flaking again. Last week she didn't show up at all, then replied to my text hours later with an "Oops I forgot, sorry. Hugs!" Yesterday, I texted her a few hours ahead of time to confirm she was coming and she replied just an hour before our meeting time saying, "No, I'm in Miami, sorry."
I run my own business, so I have flexibility, but I plan my day around whatever extracurriculars I'm doing. Mr. McWriterson points out that my time is valuable, and she's clearly not valuing my time. He's right, and I realize that this is what is bothering me.
Through this agency, each student is paired up with a teacher and asked to spend 1-2 hours a week together practicing conversational English. I build themed units and we make flashcards, read books, and role-play conversations. We focus on things that will help her navigate daily life (getting groceries, making doctor's appointments) and also prepare her to expand her hairstyling business to serve English-speaking customers. It's a lot of fun - when we actually meet! And I really like my student. She's energetic and delightful and lights up when things click.
During training, we teachers were told to give our students some grace, as many are juggling other responsibilities while adjusting to a new culture. And I have! But I increasingly feel like I'm being taken for granted and that this just isn't a priority for her.
I love the magic of sharing language, but I'm increasingly frustrated by spending time lesson planning and going to our sessions when she may or may not show up. What would you do? Give her one more chance and tell her that she has to take this seriously or else go back into the matching pool until she's ready? (The agency has a months-long list of students waiting for tutors.) Or just tell her I'm sorry, this is no longer a priority for me, and wish her the best?
A local program matched me with a very nice woman who I started meeting for an hour twice a week at the local library. I told her that if she needed to cancel it was fine, but she needed to give me at least one hour's notice.
I looked this morning at my calendar, and she has canceled on me 10 times since we started this in June. (By contrast, we've met 18 times.) A couple of those were illness (which I get!) and a couple were being stuck at work (which I also understand). But a few were very last minute, "Sorry I'm on vacation" or out of town for other reasons. At one point we discussed it and decided to switch to a single longer session each week to make it easier to meet. That helped for a few weeks, but then she started flaking again. Last week she didn't show up at all, then replied to my text hours later with an "Oops I forgot, sorry. Hugs!" Yesterday, I texted her a few hours ahead of time to confirm she was coming and she replied just an hour before our meeting time saying, "No, I'm in Miami, sorry."
I run my own business, so I have flexibility, but I plan my day around whatever extracurriculars I'm doing. Mr. McWriterson points out that my time is valuable, and she's clearly not valuing my time. He's right, and I realize that this is what is bothering me.
Through this agency, each student is paired up with a teacher and asked to spend 1-2 hours a week together practicing conversational English. I build themed units and we make flashcards, read books, and role-play conversations. We focus on things that will help her navigate daily life (getting groceries, making doctor's appointments) and also prepare her to expand her hairstyling business to serve English-speaking customers. It's a lot of fun - when we actually meet! And I really like my student. She's energetic and delightful and lights up when things click.
During training, we teachers were told to give our students some grace, as many are juggling other responsibilities while adjusting to a new culture. And I have! But I increasingly feel like I'm being taken for granted and that this just isn't a priority for her.
I love the magic of sharing language, but I'm increasingly frustrated by spending time lesson planning and going to our sessions when she may or may not show up. What would you do? Give her one more chance and tell her that she has to take this seriously or else go back into the matching pool until she's ready? (The agency has a months-long list of students waiting for tutors.) Or just tell her I'm sorry, this is no longer a priority for me, and wish her the best?
Best answer: I would talk to the organization and see if the coordinator has feedback. They may immediately take this off your hands and match you with a new client. She is wasting the organization's resources (you!).
If they don't, some ideas would be (in descending preference for me, but you can decide what fits):
1) Ask her at the end of each session if she is available for the next week and review the agenda for what you will be covering. This helps her have some buy-in, and also she can speak up and say "I'll be in Miami".
2) Tell her there is a change to the cancellation policy. She gets one emergency cancellation but otherwise you need 36 hours notice. Tell her you will text her 48 hours in advance and she needs to confirm yes or no for that week's session.
3) Ask her if she'd like to put your sessions on hold for now.
4) Consider if you would be open to virtual sessions when she is out of town, with the expectation as above that you discuss this the prior week or at least 48 hours in advance.
posted by Narrow Harbor at 9:08 AM on November 10, 2022 [18 favorites]
If they don't, some ideas would be (in descending preference for me, but you can decide what fits):
1) Ask her at the end of each session if she is available for the next week and review the agenda for what you will be covering. This helps her have some buy-in, and also she can speak up and say "I'll be in Miami".
2) Tell her there is a change to the cancellation policy. She gets one emergency cancellation but otherwise you need 36 hours notice. Tell her you will text her 48 hours in advance and she needs to confirm yes or no for that week's session.
3) Ask her if she'd like to put your sessions on hold for now.
4) Consider if you would be open to virtual sessions when she is out of town, with the expectation as above that you discuss this the prior week or at least 48 hours in advance.
posted by Narrow Harbor at 9:08 AM on November 10, 2022 [18 favorites]
Assuming you are not (since you say you are volunteering,) it's time to have an extremely direct conversation where you point out the number and nature of cancellations and tell her that she needs to respect your time and give you notice, or you will not tutor her any more. I am all for giving people grace! You have done that! An hour's lead time is a *remarkably* tiny ask.
posted by restless_nomad at 9:09 AM on November 10, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by restless_nomad at 9:09 AM on November 10, 2022 [6 favorites]
Would your student be open to using skype or zoom? If they don't have to travel to the library, they might be more reliable.
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 9:09 AM on November 10, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 9:09 AM on November 10, 2022 [4 favorites]
I’ve been a volunteer ESL tutor, and this happens. Have you contacted your volunteer organization? They probably have some sort of policy and will either guide you or communicate directly with your student about this.
posted by bookmammal at 9:10 AM on November 10, 2022 [10 favorites]
posted by bookmammal at 9:10 AM on November 10, 2022 [10 favorites]
Best answer: I would strongly recommend that you stop taking the initiative to text her to confirm appointments. Let her know that SHE needs to text you X hours prior to confirm her attendance, or else you are going to assume that she won't be there. It's no longer going to be your job to keep contacting her and checking up on her.
You could also have an additional policy that if she has missed two weeks in a row without contacting you then you're going to assume she has quit, and you'll find another person to teach.
posted by MiraK at 9:12 AM on November 10, 2022 [31 favorites]
You could also have an additional policy that if she has missed two weeks in a row without contacting you then you're going to assume she has quit, and you'll find another person to teach.
posted by MiraK at 9:12 AM on November 10, 2022 [31 favorites]
You sound frustrated, and understandably so. I would not give this woman more of your time and mental energy, especially as you aren't getting paid to do it. It feels like she definitely is taking you for granted, which is not ideal.
posted by Alensin at 9:16 AM on November 10, 2022 [10 favorites]
posted by Alensin at 9:16 AM on November 10, 2022 [10 favorites]
If she is organized enough to run a business and jet off for holidays, she should be organized enough to stick to a schedule with you or cancel in a timely manner. Personally, I'd wash my hands of her. There are other, more appreciative people who could benefit from your kindness and skills and efforts.
posted by sardonyx at 9:21 AM on November 10, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by sardonyx at 9:21 AM on November 10, 2022 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: Yes, it's unpaid volunteering, so she has no real investment in this. I reached out to my coordinator when she first started canceling, and that's how we agreed to the one-hour notice. We also confirm at the end of each session what we'll be covering next time and I make sure it's in her calendar. But I think it's time to go back to the agency coordinator and ask for a reassignment. Thanks for confirming I've done more than enough!
posted by writermcwriterson at 9:36 AM on November 10, 2022 [14 favorites]
posted by writermcwriterson at 9:36 AM on November 10, 2022 [14 favorites]
One-hour notice for cancellation seems utterly absurd and disrespectful. I'd hesitate with even 24 hours notification.
posted by Ahmad Khani at 9:43 AM on November 10, 2022 [12 favorites]
posted by Ahmad Khani at 9:43 AM on November 10, 2022 [12 favorites]
For work, I have provided services to people that are free of charge, and many people will cancel at the last minute or no-show. I think this is just what happens when there are no real consequences to not showing up, and doubly so when working with populations where finances, mobility, and/or mental health are challenges (not sure if any of those apply here). In my experience, people do this not because they are bad, but because they are overwhelmed and/or don't get that it's a big deal.
I think it's up to the organization to impose boundaries and restrictions; for your next client, you can set up a cancellation policy with them; if they cancel last-minute for a non-emergency 1 or 2 times, you stop teaching them (or whatever you decide). Maybe have them sign a contract as well.
posted by bearette at 10:08 AM on November 10, 2022 [5 favorites]
I think it's up to the organization to impose boundaries and restrictions; for your next client, you can set up a cancellation policy with them; if they cancel last-minute for a non-emergency 1 or 2 times, you stop teaching them (or whatever you decide). Maybe have them sign a contract as well.
posted by bearette at 10:08 AM on November 10, 2022 [5 favorites]
I agree that you've done more than enough, but a couple of thoughts:
-In the future, I wouldn't tell them it's fine to cancel. I'd say something more like "If you are sick or have an emergency come up, I will not hold it against you if you have to cancel. But if a student just forgets, that is disrespectful of my time." I find as a teacher it's important to make clear that even though I am a generally flexible person that gives my students a bit of grace, I am also a human with various needs and there are limits.
-I wonder if it would be worth offering to teach over Zoom? Would that be easier for her? I now do my office hours as a faculty member over Zoom, and I've found I get better attendance this way.
posted by coffeecat at 10:30 AM on November 10, 2022 [7 favorites]
-In the future, I wouldn't tell them it's fine to cancel. I'd say something more like "If you are sick or have an emergency come up, I will not hold it against you if you have to cancel. But if a student just forgets, that is disrespectful of my time." I find as a teacher it's important to make clear that even though I am a generally flexible person that gives my students a bit of grace, I am also a human with various needs and there are limits.
-I wonder if it would be worth offering to teach over Zoom? Would that be easier for her? I now do my office hours as a faculty member over Zoom, and I've found I get better attendance this way.
posted by coffeecat at 10:30 AM on November 10, 2022 [7 favorites]
Tell the coordinator that there have been 10 cancelations since June. Say that you want to teach a student who actually does show up, and that you are now requiring 2 days' notice for a cancellation. (Then you can let them negotiate you down to 24 hours.) It's okay to say you will allow X cancelations per student, and after that you're going to drop them. I suggest that you communicated it by email, or reinforce it by email if you inform the coordinator by phone or text.
There are foreign-speaking people who are very motivated to improve their English -- I have taught many of them.
posted by wryly at 10:51 AM on November 10, 2022 [4 favorites]
There are foreign-speaking people who are very motivated to improve their English -- I have taught many of them.
posted by wryly at 10:51 AM on November 10, 2022 [4 favorites]
One issue I see with this situation is that your tutoring arrangement seems to be open-ended (i.e., to potentially go on forever). This means there are no "checkpoints" for you and your student to evaluate whether your student wants to continue, or whether they've gotten what they need for now and want to take a break to focus on other priorities. When you get assigned a new student, consider making a time-limited, but renewable, commitment -- e.g., 3 months, and then evaluate whether the student wants to commit for another 3 months.
posted by heatherlogan at 12:43 PM on November 10, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by heatherlogan at 12:43 PM on November 10, 2022 [6 favorites]
Oh for godsakes. She has to have a clue if she's going on vacation next week and to be able to mention it to you more than at the dead last minute or not at all.
I'd say either drop her and tell the agency why, or see if she can swing it via Zoom, but canceling on you 10 times when you've been traveling over there for free is just straight up rude. Or ask her if she has any suggestions as to how to improve the situation on her end. But she sounds like a flake. A nice, charming flake, but a flake, and you shouldn't bother to make set plans with someone who flakes this much.
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:55 PM on November 10, 2022 [4 favorites]
I'd say either drop her and tell the agency why, or see if she can swing it via Zoom, but canceling on you 10 times when you've been traveling over there for free is just straight up rude. Or ask her if she has any suggestions as to how to improve the situation on her end. But she sounds like a flake. A nice, charming flake, but a flake, and you shouldn't bother to make set plans with someone who flakes this much.
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:55 PM on November 10, 2022 [4 favorites]
It sounds like she's from a culture where being indirect is more polite than being direct. That's surely been frustrating for you both! I especially feel for you since this is a big commitment and a very generous one at that. It hurts when we do nice things and give people the benefit of the doubt only to feel let down or disrespected!
I agree with others who have suggested that she's basically quit. She probably likes you and working with you so doesn't want to disappoint you by admitting she's done for now. Or maybe she's just rude and selfish but I'm sure it's more nuanced.
I'd send her a message like: "Hi Name, it sounds like your schedule has really gotten busy. I understand, no worries at all! Let's pause our lessons for now. Please text me in January if you'd like to restart then. Otherwise, thank you for our meetings and I wish you the best of luck!"
If you like her as a person, you could also add a line like "I've enjoyed getting to know you and would love to meet up for coffee sometime as friends if you're interested. Just let me know!" But it sounds like there's been some distance, and that's cool too.
I'm dealing with this right now as the reluctant participant in something myself: the people who run it are so nice but I'm just not enjoying the activity anymore. I don't stand anyone up but I'm trying to decide what I want to do as well as how to then communicate that. One factor is that driving in the dark during rush hour on a stressful highway, often including a toll, then doing an activity I don't like that much isn't worth it even if the people are great. But I can do the occasional session on a Saturday and maybe I'll restart in the spring. It's a drop in fitness group so, while I appreciate that the leader thinks of me, too many messages can feel high pressure. In a way, it's kind of a lovely problem to have but still a problem at that! I wonder if this woman is feeling like I do right now? At least she's being honest about why she can't attend; last week I had someone lie and say they had COVID in order to cancel a date. That's better than ghosting but the gentle truth is probably best. In lieu of that, finding gentle closure for yourself and an out for them is ideal. Good luck! I'm sure you're a great tutor, and so many people would love to have you teach them!!
posted by smorgasbord at 2:14 PM on November 10, 2022 [1 favorite]
I agree with others who have suggested that she's basically quit. She probably likes you and working with you so doesn't want to disappoint you by admitting she's done for now. Or maybe she's just rude and selfish but I'm sure it's more nuanced.
I'd send her a message like: "Hi Name, it sounds like your schedule has really gotten busy. I understand, no worries at all! Let's pause our lessons for now. Please text me in January if you'd like to restart then. Otherwise, thank you for our meetings and I wish you the best of luck!"
If you like her as a person, you could also add a line like "I've enjoyed getting to know you and would love to meet up for coffee sometime as friends if you're interested. Just let me know!" But it sounds like there's been some distance, and that's cool too.
I'm dealing with this right now as the reluctant participant in something myself: the people who run it are so nice but I'm just not enjoying the activity anymore. I don't stand anyone up but I'm trying to decide what I want to do as well as how to then communicate that. One factor is that driving in the dark during rush hour on a stressful highway, often including a toll, then doing an activity I don't like that much isn't worth it even if the people are great. But I can do the occasional session on a Saturday and maybe I'll restart in the spring. It's a drop in fitness group so, while I appreciate that the leader thinks of me, too many messages can feel high pressure. In a way, it's kind of a lovely problem to have but still a problem at that! I wonder if this woman is feeling like I do right now? At least she's being honest about why she can't attend; last week I had someone lie and say they had COVID in order to cancel a date. That's better than ghosting but the gentle truth is probably best. In lieu of that, finding gentle closure for yourself and an out for them is ideal. Good luck! I'm sure you're a great tutor, and so many people would love to have you teach them!!
posted by smorgasbord at 2:14 PM on November 10, 2022 [1 favorite]
It sounds like she's from a culture where being indirect is more polite than being direct.
There is no culture in which it's polite to stand people up, no valid style of communication in which it's acceptable to repeatedly break your word and fail to keep your commitment to others and waste their time & effort.
OP, I think it's important to note that the framing above is unfairly exculpatory towards your student, and I want to emphasize that what you're experiencing is not normal or acceptable by the standards of ANY culture.
Indeed, what's happening here is that you are practicing indirect communication/Guess culture habits, e.g. you're feeling frustrated with your student's disrespectful behavior but you will not tell her so directly; rather you're going to try to manage the issue indirectly through other means such as letting the program director make the decision. Another example: you quietly take on extra work to get your needs met (texting her hours in advance to confirm appointments), as opposed to telling her directly that she's failing to meet your needs in your arrangement.
So in this equation, *you* are the indirect communicator who is being far too polite, and you're dealing with someone whose communication style is passive-aggressive. That's what it's called when someone wants to quit, but rather than communicate it respectfully (which they could do either directly by saying, "I don't want to do this anymore", or indirectly by telling you all about how insanely busy their life has become) they ghost you or stand you up or slow fade on you.
Passive-aggressive communicators may do things this way due to any number of reasons: avoidance of hard conversations, anxiety & shame about quitting, being a thoughtless jerk, etc. But that didn't change the fact that their communication style is passive-aggressive. Which is never, ever a valid or healthy style of communication. Please do not confuse passive aggression with Guess culture.
posted by MiraK at 8:02 PM on November 10, 2022 [4 favorites]
There is no culture in which it's polite to stand people up, no valid style of communication in which it's acceptable to repeatedly break your word and fail to keep your commitment to others and waste their time & effort.
OP, I think it's important to note that the framing above is unfairly exculpatory towards your student, and I want to emphasize that what you're experiencing is not normal or acceptable by the standards of ANY culture.
Indeed, what's happening here is that you are practicing indirect communication/Guess culture habits, e.g. you're feeling frustrated with your student's disrespectful behavior but you will not tell her so directly; rather you're going to try to manage the issue indirectly through other means such as letting the program director make the decision. Another example: you quietly take on extra work to get your needs met (texting her hours in advance to confirm appointments), as opposed to telling her directly that she's failing to meet your needs in your arrangement.
So in this equation, *you* are the indirect communicator who is being far too polite, and you're dealing with someone whose communication style is passive-aggressive. That's what it's called when someone wants to quit, but rather than communicate it respectfully (which they could do either directly by saying, "I don't want to do this anymore", or indirectly by telling you all about how insanely busy their life has become) they ghost you or stand you up or slow fade on you.
Passive-aggressive communicators may do things this way due to any number of reasons: avoidance of hard conversations, anxiety & shame about quitting, being a thoughtless jerk, etc. But that didn't change the fact that their communication style is passive-aggressive. Which is never, ever a valid or healthy style of communication. Please do not confuse passive aggression with Guess culture.
posted by MiraK at 8:02 PM on November 10, 2022 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: Thanks again for all the ideas and thoughts - very helpful! I talked to our coordinator this morning and she said this is very common around the 5-6 month mark, which is why they typically switch pairings every 6 months. Many students lose steam and interest as other things get in the way. She said this is often the point where students either really double down and start making great progress or fade away. The coordinator said in these cases, they recommend ending the pairing. So, I'm sending my student a note today saying I've enjoyed working with her but she obviously has other things going on so we're going to end our sessions. The organization will follow up and talk with her about restarting in a few months when she's ready to make the commitment.
Coffeecat and MiraK and others had excellent points about my own communication, which I've taken to heart. When I start with a new student, I'll be super clear right from the onset about showing up and communicating. I like the idea of putting a cancellation policy into writing, almost like a contract. The language barrier is hard - this student came in speaking virtually 0 English - but I've learned ways around it and won't let that limit me from expressing my needs in the future.
posted by writermcwriterson at 8:22 AM on November 11, 2022 [2 favorites]
Coffeecat and MiraK and others had excellent points about my own communication, which I've taken to heart. When I start with a new student, I'll be super clear right from the onset about showing up and communicating. I like the idea of putting a cancellation policy into writing, almost like a contract. The language barrier is hard - this student came in speaking virtually 0 English - but I've learned ways around it and won't let that limit me from expressing my needs in the future.
posted by writermcwriterson at 8:22 AM on November 11, 2022 [2 favorites]
In response to this comment: There is no culture in which it's polite to stand people up, no valid style of communication in which it's acceptable to repeatedly break your word and fail to keep your commitment to others and waste their time & effort.
Respectfully, as both a teacher and student who works and has worked with people of many cultures in many places in many languages, this is a thing. In fact, we were discussing it recently in a university class and people were weighing in. Perhaps it looks slightly different but it is what it is. I'm not sure why you're so convinced that I'm so wrong? We can agree to disagree or at least I will. Before I would have had that same ironclad argument but life has shown me differently, and I'm grateful for that perspective. Glad your experiences have been different though!
In any case, I think of therapist Nedra Tawwab's great insight on people not keeping their word, ghosting and/or otherwise being flakey or not communicating well with words: some people simply don't, won't or can't use words to express their choices so we must see their actions as the words being unsaid. I know I've had to learn the hard way and also have worked on my own graceful directness.
posted by smorgasbord at 9:55 AM on November 11, 2022
Respectfully, as both a teacher and student who works and has worked with people of many cultures in many places in many languages, this is a thing. In fact, we were discussing it recently in a university class and people were weighing in. Perhaps it looks slightly different but it is what it is. I'm not sure why you're so convinced that I'm so wrong? We can agree to disagree or at least I will. Before I would have had that same ironclad argument but life has shown me differently, and I'm grateful for that perspective. Glad your experiences have been different though!
In any case, I think of therapist Nedra Tawwab's great insight on people not keeping their word, ghosting and/or otherwise being flakey or not communicating well with words: some people simply don't, won't or can't use words to express their choices so we must see their actions as the words being unsaid. I know I've had to learn the hard way and also have worked on my own graceful directness.
posted by smorgasbord at 9:55 AM on November 11, 2022
we must see their actions as the words being unsaid.
This is what I call "taking the hint and going away."
Cheers to writermcwriterson for phrasing it that way and moving on.
posted by jenfullmoon at 12:36 PM on November 11, 2022 [1 favorite]
This is what I call "taking the hint and going away."
Cheers to writermcwriterson for phrasing it that way and moving on.
posted by jenfullmoon at 12:36 PM on November 11, 2022 [1 favorite]
writermcwriterson, I just want to clarify that I am not faulting your communication style at all. Indirect communication is not necessarily less valid or less good than direct communication, because bottomline: you are fulfilling your responsibility by actively making efforts to communicate (even when that is indirect). This is in contrast with your student who evades her responsibility to communicate with you and lets you bear the adverse consequences of her inaction. That's just irresponsible. There's nothing wrong with what you were doing before, and the only reason I suggested a different route is because that would probably be less frustrating for you.
smorgasbord, I only disagreed with your statement that "It sounds like she's from a culture where being indirect is more polite than being direct," because this mischaracterizes standing someone up multiple times as "indirect communication" (which can be a perfectly valid and polite way to communicate). There's a big difference between saying communication in forms other than words can still be polite vs. saying standing someone up multiple times is the polite thing to do if you can't use words to quit. There is also a big difference between accepting that people will stand you up and finding workarounds for their bad habit, vs. imagining that in their culture, standing people up is actually the polite way to behave, i.e. standing someone up multiple times is an excellent, mature, and socially responsible decision.
posted by MiraK at 12:37 PM on November 11, 2022 [1 favorite]
smorgasbord, I only disagreed with your statement that "It sounds like she's from a culture where being indirect is more polite than being direct," because this mischaracterizes standing someone up multiple times as "indirect communication" (which can be a perfectly valid and polite way to communicate). There's a big difference between saying communication in forms other than words can still be polite vs. saying standing someone up multiple times is the polite thing to do if you can't use words to quit. There is also a big difference between accepting that people will stand you up and finding workarounds for their bad habit, vs. imagining that in their culture, standing people up is actually the polite way to behave, i.e. standing someone up multiple times is an excellent, mature, and socially responsible decision.
posted by MiraK at 12:37 PM on November 11, 2022 [1 favorite]
This thread is such a great example of how different people can see the same thing so differently and I love and appreciate it!
posted by smorgasbord at 7:32 PM on November 11, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by smorgasbord at 7:32 PM on November 11, 2022 [1 favorite]
I am a tutor, too, and I have been in situations like this. Unless a student is sick or there's a family emergency, I give them a "three strikes and you're out" policy for no-shows.
Tutoring is a valuable skill set, and you should be charging for your services. Sometimes when people pay for something, they're more inclined to stick to a regular schedule.
My best advice to you is to write up a contract for every student that you tutor, delineating exactly what the mutual understanding is (hours, times, rates, subjects, duration of tutoring, etc.). That way, everyone is aware of what the policies are in advance, and you have a written contract to back it up if something goes wrong. (Make sure that you include a clause to cover your butt in the event that things don't work out, such as a student failing a test, if YOU are sick or have a family emergency, how many weeks/days notice a student has to give before opting out of your services, et al.). You can find templates online to get yourself started. Once you have a signed contract, stick to it.
I have my own business license and don't go through an organization as you do, but I'm sure that the organization itself has something in place that would have students/families work within a contract-like structure. I'd discuss it with them and move forward from there.
Best of luck to you. I know from my past mistakes how frustrating it can be! Hang in there, and I hope it all works out for the best.
posted by chatelaine at 10:58 AM on November 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
Tutoring is a valuable skill set, and you should be charging for your services. Sometimes when people pay for something, they're more inclined to stick to a regular schedule.
My best advice to you is to write up a contract for every student that you tutor, delineating exactly what the mutual understanding is (hours, times, rates, subjects, duration of tutoring, etc.). That way, everyone is aware of what the policies are in advance, and you have a written contract to back it up if something goes wrong. (Make sure that you include a clause to cover your butt in the event that things don't work out, such as a student failing a test, if YOU are sick or have a family emergency, how many weeks/days notice a student has to give before opting out of your services, et al.). You can find templates online to get yourself started. Once you have a signed contract, stick to it.
I have my own business license and don't go through an organization as you do, but I'm sure that the organization itself has something in place that would have students/families work within a contract-like structure. I'd discuss it with them and move forward from there.
Best of luck to you. I know from my past mistakes how frustrating it can be! Hang in there, and I hope it all works out for the best.
posted by chatelaine at 10:58 AM on November 12, 2022 [1 favorite]
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posted by restless_nomad at 9:01 AM on November 10, 2022 [7 favorites]