Work anxiety about doing work

August 30, 2022 1:52 PM

I get anxious when I have work to do at work. Which means I’m anxious about work all the time. Help me shift my mindset around this.

I’m an anxious, perfectionist people-pleasing type (you may have met a version of me, or maybe you are me!). I recently started a new job and I am anxious at and about work all. the. time.

I’ve realized that having *anything* outstanding that I need to do triggers my anxiety. Anything something comes up that needs action, I’m anxious about it. This is bad because, I’m not sure if you guys know this but at work you have to do work.

It doesn’t help that I’m learning the role and the company (it’s a new field for me), and my perfectionism makes me uncomfortable and nervous about not being good at the job right away or always knowing what I’m doing. This is a great job and I’m paid extremely well for it, and I’m working on impactful and high profile projects with talented and supportive colleagues. I want to make a great impression and succeed.

My question is: how can I, or how have you shifted your mindset about work to have less anxiety about it? The ideal version of me would tackle new work coolly and calmly, accepting that some activities are more challenging than others, that it’s ok not to have all the answers right away, and that not everything needs to be or can be done perfectly.

I am in therapy, so please kindly refrain from suggesting therapy for this.

posted by rodneyaug to Work & Money (9 answers total)

I have a similar problem. What I've found is that my anxiety isn't so much about *having work to do* as it is about having a lot of work to do with no clear priorities and minimal training. When there are three things that need to be done, and I know how to do all three, and I know which of the three is most urgent, I can do them all no problem. It's when they just dump stuff on me that I get anxious. For me, asking questions is helpful. When someone assigns me a task, the first thing I do is to determine whether I know how to do it. If not, I ask for help. "Could we discuss this a little more before I start?" "Is there some documentation I could use for reference?" Then I ask how it fits into the other things on my list. "Should I finish the other thing first, or start on this immediately?" And I like to ask about deadlines, too, so that I don't think that I have to do more than I actually do. Research with a deadline of tomorrow can't be expected to be as thorough as research with a deadline of two months from now, right? This is kind of a dangerous strategy, I admit. I've had bosses who don't take kindly to asking questions, especially to admitting that I don't know something. But I've learned that it's better to ask up front than to be quiet and mess things up, because bosses really don't take kindly to that. I hope that helps. I'm going to be watching the other answers as well.
posted by kevinbelt at 2:13 PM on August 30, 2022

This doesn’t get at the root causes of anything, but I find that having frequent ‘meetings’ (doesn’t have to be formal, could be just a call) with my supervisor/whoever I owe work to makes me less nervous. If I’ve checked in at least every week, more frequently if possible, and explained what the status is of everything outstanding, I know I’m not going to get caught not having work done when it’s expected. I might be slow on something, I might be stuck, but if I affirmatively checked in, that means I didn’t get caught out. And if the check-ins are frequent, there’s no time for anything to get too bad between them.
posted by LizardBreath at 2:13 PM on August 30, 2022 [5 favorites]

I think “new job, new field” is a significant part of your problem, and one that will work itself out once you’ve had some successes, you’ve made stranger faces into friendly faces, and you start to understand the larger picture of how you fit into the field and the team.

Is the anxiety paralytic, ie does it stop you from accomplishing the things on your plate? If so, a strategy that helps me get unstuck is to write pretty concrete to-do lists where each task is fairly self explanatory. This might mean they’re long — but that’s kind of good because it means a lot of crossing things off!

Do you have regular 1:1s with your supervisor? I asked for that about three months into my current job (believe it or not I’d never had them before) and it has been a real sanity saver. Prevents me from going down a wrong road too long, ensures I’m getting feedback for going down the right ones.

Is there a professional development budget for side stuff that could help you sketch out that bigger picture? Conferences, webinars, books?
posted by eirias at 2:20 PM on August 30, 2022 [2 favorites]

I agree that it helps to frequently check in with your manager and share your progress. I also prefer to work in small chunks (e.g., the Pomodoro method) to help focus on one thing at a time rather than worrying about the rest of your to-do list. Also, exercise! I really believe that exercise (outside of work) will help you feel better at work. All kinds: aerobic, strength training, and yoga, which can help teach you better breathing. When I'm anxious at work I breathe shallowly, which just makes things worse.
posted by pinochiette at 3:28 PM on August 30, 2022 [1 favorite]

First, I want to gently suggest that medication for general anxiety might be something that does wonders. Worth talking to your therapist about. For me, it has made an extraordinary difference.

Second, from a mindset perspective, it seems like listening to some of your self-talk might be a helpful way to figure out a meaningful intervention. When you're feeling those anxious feelings, is your brain saying I am a failure and fraud for not knowing the answers already? Is it saying, I will never get this finished on time? Is it saying, I don't know how to do this and I'm afraid someone will find out? Is it saying, in the past I've been the best, but now I am not, so I must be the worst? Try to dial into some of those thoughts and put your finger on them. Are they really true? Probably not! It seems very likely that you have some distorted cognitive thoughts running through your brain, distracting you, and by identifying them, you can counter them with more rational thoughts that will help reduce your anxiety. This article walks through the process of doing this -- and I think it could be a quick, helpful exercise for you when your anxiety mounts.
posted by luzdeluna at 5:32 PM on August 30, 2022 [4 favorites]

If you're someone that has any affinity for meditation, mindfulness, and the like, the book Real Happiness at Work by Sharon Salzberg has a lot of great ideas in it.
posted by matildaben at 6:15 PM on August 30, 2022 [2 favorites]

I think I am you, especially in a new role/new employer. I discovered just how intense my issues were over the last few years when in order to keep my job I was assigned a new role every three to six months for two years. I was then and continue to be in therapy. What changed everything was I finally decided to take anti-anxiety medication. Medication had been suggested before but I was unwilling because of course I had anxiety about even taking anti-anxiety medication! Although I took a low dose (a little goes a long way for me) it allowed me to be able to access the tools and all the actually helpful calming things that therapy had introduced me too. Deep breaths, music I liked, going outside for five minutes, using my cbt workbook; my brain could finally remember all the things that help me stay calm and focused. I prefer the non prescription solutions and I really like this book.
I guess I've got the paralyzing kind of anxiety and once I get wound up to a certain point, I just-physically stop. I've been in a stable role for the last year and I definitely took the medication on a regular schedule for the first few months then less and less and now I almost never take it unless I'm having a really acute episode. I don't know if taking medication is an option for you.
I had heard the horror stories about pills and really thought if I took them I would become addicted no matter what and couldn't feature what life looked like without this constant bad feeling.
All to say that the medication wouldn't have had a long term benefit without all the other tools from therapy etc. but sometimes you reach a point where those aren't helpful without a little outside assist either.
posted by Ipomoea at 8:29 PM on August 30, 2022

Sorry I don't know how to create links. It's called "The Anti-Anxiety Notebook".
posted by Ipomoea at 8:38 PM on August 30, 2022 [1 favorite]

Part of this paralysis (I’m you) is you want to blow them out of the water with your competence, intelligence, speed, style, and awesomeness…but that’s not a slam dunk when you’re new because you’re simply too new to be at that level yet, and you haven’t figured out all the tasks or the players. I would actually caution AGAINST blowing their minds early on because that sets the bar too high.

Instead, stay responsive, pleasant, ask good questions, figure out who to talk to and who to steer clear of, but don’t pressure yourself to knock it out of the park (yet.) They hired you for you, they want you to work out, it’s to their benefit to help you while you find your footing. So let them do that and you’ll grow into it.

By way of practical advice, I think you just need to pick an assignment or three and do them without rushing, and note questions or comments for your boss or whoever is training you. Do them in the morning before you talk yourself out of them. Reward yourself with a break or nice lunch.

Don’t feel bad if you aren’t sure how to proceed! They know you’re new. I have a rule against dropping a problem in my boss’ lap (what do I say here?) without proposing a solution (looks like this client is sensitive so I plan to say xyz here, unless you disagree.) And I love when my reports do that with me—even if I disagree, they are showing their reasoning skills and saving me work.
posted by kapers at 8:55 PM on August 30, 2022 [6 favorites]