Talk to me about transition out of Montessori
July 31, 2022 4:22 PM Subscribe
Talk to me about the transition from Montessori school to non-Montessori school, either from your experience or from research. Also welcome are thoughts on when is the right time to do this.
My son started JK in public school in september 2021. It did not go well. After winter break I pulled him out and put him in a Montessori school. He's thriving there. He will be in Montessori for Senior Kindergarten. But there are no Montessori universities, so at some point he's not going to be in Montessori anymore. The school he's in goes up to grade 8, though obviously I could pull him out before that.
Here is a hodge podge of questions, concerns, worries, thoughts, that I have:
- My son could read before he started JK. I taught him using phonics. When he went to JK they supposedly did phonics, but really they did this. This actually set his reading back because instead of decoding words he thought he could just guess everything and was annoyed by having to do the work of decoding. I think he's just now recovering. I don't want to send him back to being told to look at the picture and the first letter and guess.
- Worksheets. UGH. I mean he never complained about them, but I'm much happier having him do hands-on learning. Who gives a four-year-old worksheets? His public school did. Daily.
- He is really thriving with the structure in the school. The teachers are not certified teachers (like they're not Ontario College of Teachers members, though they have some Montessori certification) but they are REALLY GOOD at what they do.
- He was already bored in JK because much of what they did academic-wise (and I KNOW this isn't the only or even most important part of kindergarten) he already knew. He already knew the letter sounds, including digraphs and many alternative spellings. He could read. He knows basic math. He can multiply and divide. He understands and knows squares. He understands and can figure out many cubes. He can do basic arithmetic with 4 digit numbers. He knows about prime numbers and factors. If I pull him out of Montessori anytime soon he'll be doing "5-3" again and he'll be bored and angry (which is what he was at the public school). But this problem isn't likely to go away. The Montessori school let's them advance at their own pace. He's going to keep moving forward. At some point, when the move from basic skills to content knowledge I guess it won't matter? When is that point?
- The way the Montessori works is that they choose their own activities each day and there is no teacher instruction to the class. That is, at no point does the teacher sit all the students down and teach them anything. Instead, if something is being explained, they explain it to 2-3 kids at once. Most of what the teachers do is one-on-one instruction showing kids how to use the Montessori materials and then the kids use the materials to "teach themselves." That's very different from most classrooms. How will he cope if he has to sit in a chair and listen to someone teach him about plate tectonics or whatever?
- There are no grades. There won't even be a written report card until next year. Instead there are very very detailed parent conferences, focusing on different areas of development (not really academics, which make sense at this age obv.) Even in the elementary grades there are no grades. Eventually there will be grades. How will he cope with that?
- Obviously there's no homework in Kindergarten. But I don't think there's homework in elementary either. At some point in his educational career he will have homework.
- Obviously he's too young to know anything for sure, but I kind of suspect he's pretty smart. In a public school he would be tested (there is universal testing in grade 2) and if he were identified as gifted would have special programming. I feel like it's better for him to be able to go at whatever pace is right for him WITHOUT that requiring testing or labels.
- His school doesn't really operate like most schools. The schoolyard is small (but actually not much bigger than his public school, which had the smallest yard in the city), so they use the park across the street a lot. They don't have a gym; they use the park across the street. They don't have a school library though they do walk to the public library. There are kids from 3-6 in his class now. All classes are mixed-age. I know it's trivial, but I worry that he's not having what I think of as a real school experience.
Those are the things I'm rolling around in my mind as I think about continuing his education.
- If you have thoughts on any my thoughts
- if you have experience transitioning out of Montessori (you or your kids or a teacher in either Montessori or non-Montessori school),
- if you are an education researcher or just know the field and can point me to resources...
I want to hear from you!
My son started JK in public school in september 2021. It did not go well. After winter break I pulled him out and put him in a Montessori school. He's thriving there. He will be in Montessori for Senior Kindergarten. But there are no Montessori universities, so at some point he's not going to be in Montessori anymore. The school he's in goes up to grade 8, though obviously I could pull him out before that.
Here is a hodge podge of questions, concerns, worries, thoughts, that I have:
- My son could read before he started JK. I taught him using phonics. When he went to JK they supposedly did phonics, but really they did this. This actually set his reading back because instead of decoding words he thought he could just guess everything and was annoyed by having to do the work of decoding. I think he's just now recovering. I don't want to send him back to being told to look at the picture and the first letter and guess.
- Worksheets. UGH. I mean he never complained about them, but I'm much happier having him do hands-on learning. Who gives a four-year-old worksheets? His public school did. Daily.
- He is really thriving with the structure in the school. The teachers are not certified teachers (like they're not Ontario College of Teachers members, though they have some Montessori certification) but they are REALLY GOOD at what they do.
- He was already bored in JK because much of what they did academic-wise (and I KNOW this isn't the only or even most important part of kindergarten) he already knew. He already knew the letter sounds, including digraphs and many alternative spellings. He could read. He knows basic math. He can multiply and divide. He understands and knows squares. He understands and can figure out many cubes. He can do basic arithmetic with 4 digit numbers. He knows about prime numbers and factors. If I pull him out of Montessori anytime soon he'll be doing "5-3" again and he'll be bored and angry (which is what he was at the public school). But this problem isn't likely to go away. The Montessori school let's them advance at their own pace. He's going to keep moving forward. At some point, when the move from basic skills to content knowledge I guess it won't matter? When is that point?
- The way the Montessori works is that they choose their own activities each day and there is no teacher instruction to the class. That is, at no point does the teacher sit all the students down and teach them anything. Instead, if something is being explained, they explain it to 2-3 kids at once. Most of what the teachers do is one-on-one instruction showing kids how to use the Montessori materials and then the kids use the materials to "teach themselves." That's very different from most classrooms. How will he cope if he has to sit in a chair and listen to someone teach him about plate tectonics or whatever?
- There are no grades. There won't even be a written report card until next year. Instead there are very very detailed parent conferences, focusing on different areas of development (not really academics, which make sense at this age obv.) Even in the elementary grades there are no grades. Eventually there will be grades. How will he cope with that?
- Obviously there's no homework in Kindergarten. But I don't think there's homework in elementary either. At some point in his educational career he will have homework.
- Obviously he's too young to know anything for sure, but I kind of suspect he's pretty smart. In a public school he would be tested (there is universal testing in grade 2) and if he were identified as gifted would have special programming. I feel like it's better for him to be able to go at whatever pace is right for him WITHOUT that requiring testing or labels.
- His school doesn't really operate like most schools. The schoolyard is small (but actually not much bigger than his public school, which had the smallest yard in the city), so they use the park across the street a lot. They don't have a gym; they use the park across the street. They don't have a school library though they do walk to the public library. There are kids from 3-6 in his class now. All classes are mixed-age. I know it's trivial, but I worry that he's not having what I think of as a real school experience.
Those are the things I'm rolling around in my mind as I think about continuing his education.
- If you have thoughts on any my thoughts
- if you have experience transitioning out of Montessori (you or your kids or a teacher in either Montessori or non-Montessori school),
- if you are an education researcher or just know the field and can point me to resources...
I want to hear from you!
To not abuse the edit button: I'll add that likely through a combination of Montessori and being dysgraphic, I didn't really learn to read until I was 7. I now have a humanities PhD, so I wouldn't worry too much if it takes your kid a bit longer.
posted by coffeecat at 4:59 PM on July 31, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by coffeecat at 4:59 PM on July 31, 2022 [1 favorite]
Such a good question. I went to a progressive, Montessori-ish school through 8th grade, and a lot of 8th grade was preparation for an education outside of that environment: more traditional assignments, grades, etc. You might think about asking the school how they go about preparing kids for Outside.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 5:14 PM on July 31, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 5:14 PM on July 31, 2022 [3 favorites]
My short answer is that I sent my kid to a non-Montessori collection of weirdish public charter schools after kindergarten (mostly for the reasons you mention). He went all the way through 12th grade never receiving a letter grade on an assignment or report card. He went all the way through elementary school with no homework, and mostly the same through middle & high school, but with more longer-lasting assignments that he often finished at home but which could have been completed at school. The schools did the state-required standardized testing but no other tests, including in math and science. (Lots of writing, lots of reading, however.) He test-prepped for standardized SAT/ACT and scored very high on practice exams, then never got to take the actual tests because of Covid.
After all that? He got into one of the highest-ranking liberal arts colleges in the US, where he did have to spend some energy adjusting in the first semester to grades, quizzes, tests (though most of his classmates were adjusting as well, having spent the previous 1.5 years doing Zoom school during Covid). In his first semester he got A's and B's. In his second semester, all A's.
So this is just anecdotal to say that yes, your kid might have to adjust to "normal" school at some point, but also with every year that they enjoy school, particularly in the younger years, they'll develop an interest in learning, and that's going to pay off way more than any grade, test or worksheet every could. Also, with every year that passes you're going to learn more about them, their personality, their learning style. You may find that they desire/need "regular" school, or not.
posted by BlahLaLa at 5:34 PM on July 31, 2022 [8 favorites]
After all that? He got into one of the highest-ranking liberal arts colleges in the US, where he did have to spend some energy adjusting in the first semester to grades, quizzes, tests (though most of his classmates were adjusting as well, having spent the previous 1.5 years doing Zoom school during Covid). In his first semester he got A's and B's. In his second semester, all A's.
So this is just anecdotal to say that yes, your kid might have to adjust to "normal" school at some point, but also with every year that they enjoy school, particularly in the younger years, they'll develop an interest in learning, and that's going to pay off way more than any grade, test or worksheet every could. Also, with every year that passes you're going to learn more about them, their personality, their learning style. You may find that they desire/need "regular" school, or not.
posted by BlahLaLa at 5:34 PM on July 31, 2022 [8 favorites]
I went to a Montessori school from age 3 through age 12. I then transferred to the local "public" (really magnet) "honors" (meaning for "smart" kids) school.
Halfway through tenth grade I transferred again, this time to the local "public" (magnet again) "arts" (meaning for kids who do any kind of visual/performing/technical creative things) school and stayed there until I graduated.
Changing my habits to learn in a structured institutionalized environment was very difficult. I hated my first year at a "regular" school and hated every year after that but also just got used to it. I switched to the artsy school mostly because it was a more alternative environment. You had a "major" and got to spend half your day taking classes related to that. I loved it.
At the Montessori school I went to the kids were allowed to use the bathroom without asking permission.
They were allowed to learn anything and everything they wanted to.
They were given free access to the library.
Kids were allowed to "visit up" and "visit down" so they could maintain relationships with kids of different ages and be exposed to different types of educational experiences.
None of that was allowed even at the "arts" school I eventually ended up at. The "honors" school was a nightmare for me. What you said about worksheets? My first teacher at the smarty pants school did literally not one thing but hand out a ditto every day and then sit his lazy ass back down behind his desk. I learned more in my Montessori 3-5 class than that ditto guy ever taught anyone.
In short: Montessori was the best schooling experience I had by far. I am so thankful for it. Some of the tools I learned there put me ahead of my smartass peers at the fancy school. None of those kids knew how to make a story web or an outline for example. The transition was brutal but I got through it and even excelled in some ways throughout high school.
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 5:43 PM on July 31, 2022 [4 favorites]
Halfway through tenth grade I transferred again, this time to the local "public" (magnet again) "arts" (meaning for kids who do any kind of visual/performing/technical creative things) school and stayed there until I graduated.
Changing my habits to learn in a structured institutionalized environment was very difficult. I hated my first year at a "regular" school and hated every year after that but also just got used to it. I switched to the artsy school mostly because it was a more alternative environment. You had a "major" and got to spend half your day taking classes related to that. I loved it.
At the Montessori school I went to the kids were allowed to use the bathroom without asking permission.
They were allowed to learn anything and everything they wanted to.
They were given free access to the library.
Kids were allowed to "visit up" and "visit down" so they could maintain relationships with kids of different ages and be exposed to different types of educational experiences.
None of that was allowed even at the "arts" school I eventually ended up at. The "honors" school was a nightmare for me. What you said about worksheets? My first teacher at the smarty pants school did literally not one thing but hand out a ditto every day and then sit his lazy ass back down behind his desk. I learned more in my Montessori 3-5 class than that ditto guy ever taught anyone.
In short: Montessori was the best schooling experience I had by far. I am so thankful for it. Some of the tools I learned there put me ahead of my smartass peers at the fancy school. None of those kids knew how to make a story web or an outline for example. The transition was brutal but I got through it and even excelled in some ways throughout high school.
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 5:43 PM on July 31, 2022 [4 favorites]
Have you read any of Maria Montessori's books? The contents of her methods make sense to me.
It sounds like your son is in a place that is working for him right now. He's happy, loving school, and learning lots.
At some point, his school will no longer be a good fit for him (whether it's not offering grade 9, or his needs change). At that point, you can figure out next steps (whether it's a different private school , the public school, homeschooling, etc.). There are even Montessori high schools (https://hershey-montessori.org/programs/programs-boarding/).
I knew a few kids who went to (one particular) Montessori school "back in the day." They transitioned just fine into other public/ private schools, and are successful and thriving adults. Anecdotally, I remember one or two families wishing they moved their child for fourth grade (elementary school) and not fifth grade (beginning of middle school in my area).
I wouldn't worry too much about your son missing out on the "traditional school" experience too much. At some point he will grow up and have to do adult things (e.g. pay taxes), but it's not like there needs to be a rush to do this earlier than he needs to. There's a big difference in asking 4 year olds to "sit still" to do school and 10 year olds.
There are cons to traditional public schools as well. We all know one size fits all, is at best one size fits "most". There is a huge emphasis on standardized testing. And there are lots of Ask MeFi posts about the impact of kids being bored in school or the (long term) impact of the "gifted" label.
Some caveats: any school can call itself a Montessori school, and schools can vary to the degree to which they follow the Montessori method. Moreover, sometimes (preprimary) schools call themselves Montessori schools to get around child-staff ratio requirements. So as long as you do your homework in school selection, and listen to your kid, your kid will probably* be fine.
*Research on Montessori outcomes can be tricky because there's lots of "self selection" of who (is is in the position to) opt into Montessori education. But if something is working for your child, then keep at it.
posted by oceano at 5:58 PM on July 31, 2022
It sounds like your son is in a place that is working for him right now. He's happy, loving school, and learning lots.
At some point, his school will no longer be a good fit for him (whether it's not offering grade 9, or his needs change). At that point, you can figure out next steps (whether it's a different private school , the public school, homeschooling, etc.). There are even Montessori high schools (https://hershey-montessori.org/programs/programs-boarding/).
I knew a few kids who went to (one particular) Montessori school "back in the day." They transitioned just fine into other public/ private schools, and are successful and thriving adults. Anecdotally, I remember one or two families wishing they moved their child for fourth grade (elementary school) and not fifth grade (beginning of middle school in my area).
I wouldn't worry too much about your son missing out on the "traditional school" experience too much. At some point he will grow up and have to do adult things (e.g. pay taxes), but it's not like there needs to be a rush to do this earlier than he needs to. There's a big difference in asking 4 year olds to "sit still" to do school and 10 year olds.
There are cons to traditional public schools as well. We all know one size fits all, is at best one size fits "most". There is a huge emphasis on standardized testing. And there are lots of Ask MeFi posts about the impact of kids being bored in school or the (long term) impact of the "gifted" label.
Some caveats: any school can call itself a Montessori school, and schools can vary to the degree to which they follow the Montessori method. Moreover, sometimes (preprimary) schools call themselves Montessori schools to get around child-staff ratio requirements. So as long as you do your homework in school selection, and listen to your kid, your kid will probably* be fine.
*Research on Montessori outcomes can be tricky because there's lots of "self selection" of who (is is in the position to) opt into Montessori education. But if something is working for your child, then keep at it.
posted by oceano at 5:58 PM on July 31, 2022
I did Pre-K and Kindergarten in Montessori and transitioned to a public school in 1st grade when we moved. The culture shock was pretty bad. The teacher wanted my parents to put me on Ritalin when previously I was said to be thriving. Thankfully, they didn't (34 now and do not think I am ADHD). Also, I'm sure kids are mean in all settings, but my first memories of bullies were from 1st grade as well.
posted by rawralphadawg at 7:09 PM on July 31, 2022
posted by rawralphadawg at 7:09 PM on July 31, 2022
I feel like it's better for him to be able to go at whatever pace is right for him WITHOUT that requiring testing or labels.
As a former gifted kid, be prepared for that label to be applied regardless. The expectations on gifted kids can be very damaging, even with parental support.
I don't know much about Montessori, but I can tell you that if you are dealing with a bright child, one of the most important things you can be doing at this stage is let them get into situations where they can't understand something, so they can learn how to deal with this on both an emotional and practical level. The regular system generally doesn't do this well - many gifted children have very nasty surprises in later school years when they're confronted with concepts that they can't immediately grasp.
posted by Merus at 7:23 PM on July 31, 2022 [6 favorites]
As a former gifted kid, be prepared for that label to be applied regardless. The expectations on gifted kids can be very damaging, even with parental support.
I don't know much about Montessori, but I can tell you that if you are dealing with a bright child, one of the most important things you can be doing at this stage is let them get into situations where they can't understand something, so they can learn how to deal with this on both an emotional and practical level. The regular system generally doesn't do this well - many gifted children have very nasty surprises in later school years when they're confronted with concepts that they can't immediately grasp.
posted by Merus at 7:23 PM on July 31, 2022 [6 favorites]
You have a kid who was bored and angry in the public school, and is now happy in an alternative setting. My feeling is, keep doing what you're doing as long as that's true! His needs will change as he ages, and I think he will be best served if you adapt to those needs as much as you can, instead of setting a deadline in order to preemptively get him used to (e.g.) being bored or doing worksheets.
I think it's easy to get in the mindset that assumes that a particular school structure is its own justification -- that is, that your goal as a parent is to get your kid into a shape that best suits the expectations of the local district. Sometimes that's true, if you don't have many options (I've been there). But you do. And there's a world of change between now and the point where you must make another choice. While he's happy, I say, let him be happy.
Re: the possibility of the label, gifted discourse here on Metafilter is so interesting to me (and such a contrast to the culture around neurodivergence, where people here are generally very pro-diagnosis). If your kid is different in some way, that's going to be obvious to him at some point with or without a label. My feeling is that a label is potentially useful for two things: (1) it might help your kid figure out who "their people" are and (2) it might help your kid gain access to services that help them learn better. Putting a kid in an achievement-oriented pressure cooker is obviously bad, but a good gifted program isn't about that, it'll be about those other two things. The programs aren't all good, of course, and depending on your district's funding situation and general outlook, they might not amount to much in a concrete sense. So you could wind up with all the neurosis of being Officially Different and none of the benefits, and maybe that's where some of this backlash comes from, I don't know. But that can happen with other labels we like to slap onto kids, too.
posted by eirias at 7:46 PM on July 31, 2022 [2 favorites]
I think it's easy to get in the mindset that assumes that a particular school structure is its own justification -- that is, that your goal as a parent is to get your kid into a shape that best suits the expectations of the local district. Sometimes that's true, if you don't have many options (I've been there). But you do. And there's a world of change between now and the point where you must make another choice. While he's happy, I say, let him be happy.
Re: the possibility of the label, gifted discourse here on Metafilter is so interesting to me (and such a contrast to the culture around neurodivergence, where people here are generally very pro-diagnosis). If your kid is different in some way, that's going to be obvious to him at some point with or without a label. My feeling is that a label is potentially useful for two things: (1) it might help your kid figure out who "their people" are and (2) it might help your kid gain access to services that help them learn better. Putting a kid in an achievement-oriented pressure cooker is obviously bad, but a good gifted program isn't about that, it'll be about those other two things. The programs aren't all good, of course, and depending on your district's funding situation and general outlook, they might not amount to much in a concrete sense. So you could wind up with all the neurosis of being Officially Different and none of the benefits, and maybe that's where some of this backlash comes from, I don't know. But that can happen with other labels we like to slap onto kids, too.
posted by eirias at 7:46 PM on July 31, 2022 [2 favorites]
The Montessori school sounds great and your son is happy there -- I agree you don't have to worry about this now and can play it by ear year by year. Kids and their needs change so much, and it sounds like you really dislike your local public school.
I think what you do miss out on in Montessori (and private school in general) is getting to know different kinds of kids, from different backgrounds, with different disabilities/abilities, etc. That's obviously important for life. If you spend your childhood with kids who are mostly from higher socio-economic groups, you miss out on something important. But is it worth enduring worksheets and overcrowded classes and an unhappy child? Probably not -- right now at least.
posted by heavenknows at 5:59 AM on August 1, 2022 [1 favorite]
I think what you do miss out on in Montessori (and private school in general) is getting to know different kinds of kids, from different backgrounds, with different disabilities/abilities, etc. That's obviously important for life. If you spend your childhood with kids who are mostly from higher socio-economic groups, you miss out on something important. But is it worth enduring worksheets and overcrowded classes and an unhappy child? Probably not -- right now at least.
posted by heavenknows at 5:59 AM on August 1, 2022 [1 favorite]
I was in a Montessori school through 3rd grade and I loved it. When I went to the local elementary school, the academic transition was pretty easy for me. But socially it was pretty tough for me to come into an elementary school in 4th grade. Almost like being the new kid in town, even though I hadn't moved.
posted by benbenson at 8:34 AM on August 1, 2022
posted by benbenson at 8:34 AM on August 1, 2022
Our public school system has a number of K-8 Montessori schools, and my child attends one. I'd maybe schedule a sit-down with school leadership and find out more about how they handle their upper grades.
Traditional Montessori education really doesn't extend past the primary/lower grades, so anything anyone is doing for older kids is kind of "made up" anyway. But the way our schools work here is that as the kids get older, they start introducing more traditional school elements into their days--including homework, small and large group "lectures" or lessons, etc. Slowly, the ratio of traditional Montessori learning vs. traditional classroom learning flips. The idea is to prepare them for high school, because there aren't Montessori high school programs. Perhaps your school has thought ahead about this?
FWIW, many of the kids that attend Montessori schools in our area go on to attend either arts or IB high schools. I don't know if there is some type of curriculum or scheduling thing that makes this an easier transition or if it's coincidental (my kiddo is still small so we're not quite worrying about it yet) but that might be worth looking into.
posted by cheese at 10:21 AM on August 1, 2022
Traditional Montessori education really doesn't extend past the primary/lower grades, so anything anyone is doing for older kids is kind of "made up" anyway. But the way our schools work here is that as the kids get older, they start introducing more traditional school elements into their days--including homework, small and large group "lectures" or lessons, etc. Slowly, the ratio of traditional Montessori learning vs. traditional classroom learning flips. The idea is to prepare them for high school, because there aren't Montessori high school programs. Perhaps your school has thought ahead about this?
FWIW, many of the kids that attend Montessori schools in our area go on to attend either arts or IB high schools. I don't know if there is some type of curriculum or scheduling thing that makes this an easier transition or if it's coincidental (my kiddo is still small so we're not quite worrying about it yet) but that might be worth looking into.
posted by cheese at 10:21 AM on August 1, 2022
Response by poster: Thanks all. It sounds like all the things that make Montessori a good fit that don't exist in other kinds of schools are the things that make transitioning out really hard.
My son's school is actually probably as diverse as his public school along all dimensions except SES. It is very ethnically diverse and there are disabled kids, including cognitive and physical disabilities. Actually I don't think it's very diverse in terms of family-structure either since they clearly had not thought about their mothers'/fathers' day celebration wrt single parents and same-sex parents until I brought it up.
The school is very hard-core Montessori. I don't think there's a single learning material in his room that was not invented by Maria Montessori herself. One the one hand, it feels a little ideological to me (Surely SOMEONE other than Maria Montessori has developed SOMETHING entirely consistent with these principles, right?), but on the other hand, every exposure to her learning materials I've had suggests that she was some sort of education genius. The school is certified by the national Are-you-really-doing-Montessori body, whatever that is called.
My concern with not having the traditional school experience, apart from the transition, is just.. you know, being part of the culture..Like how everyone tells me my kid is going to be out of touch because he doesn't watch tv, I'm not worried about, but I kind of worry about the more typical school experiences and never being able to relate to those.
I'm not worried that he won't BE ABLE to do traditional school. I'm more worried that he will hate it and be miserable and hate school. And I'm worried that even a non-Montessori very student-centred private school would result in that. I HATED high school (the academic parts, not the social parts, which I was indifferent-positive on) and I saw in my kid the same feeling when he was in JK, which is why I pulled him out. I've forestalled it now, but I'm worried about it coming back later. I don't know how I can prevent that.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 10:49 AM on August 1, 2022
My son's school is actually probably as diverse as his public school along all dimensions except SES. It is very ethnically diverse and there are disabled kids, including cognitive and physical disabilities. Actually I don't think it's very diverse in terms of family-structure either since they clearly had not thought about their mothers'/fathers' day celebration wrt single parents and same-sex parents until I brought it up.
The school is very hard-core Montessori. I don't think there's a single learning material in his room that was not invented by Maria Montessori herself. One the one hand, it feels a little ideological to me (Surely SOMEONE other than Maria Montessori has developed SOMETHING entirely consistent with these principles, right?), but on the other hand, every exposure to her learning materials I've had suggests that she was some sort of education genius. The school is certified by the national Are-you-really-doing-Montessori body, whatever that is called.
My concern with not having the traditional school experience, apart from the transition, is just.. you know, being part of the culture..Like how everyone tells me my kid is going to be out of touch because he doesn't watch tv, I'm not worried about, but I kind of worry about the more typical school experiences and never being able to relate to those.
I'm not worried that he won't BE ABLE to do traditional school. I'm more worried that he will hate it and be miserable and hate school. And I'm worried that even a non-Montessori very student-centred private school would result in that. I HATED high school (the academic parts, not the social parts, which I was indifferent-positive on) and I saw in my kid the same feeling when he was in JK, which is why I pulled him out. I've forestalled it now, but I'm worried about it coming back later. I don't know how I can prevent that.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 10:49 AM on August 1, 2022
With respect, I think you are borrowing trouble from a distant future that may never come. Alternative school options exist in some districts even at the high school level. In the meantime, life will happen and maybe your district will add such an option, or maybe you'll have to move towns anyway for other reasons, or maybe your kid will turn out to be a lot more mainstream-ready as a teen than you were. Who knows?
My hunch is that having a good formative experience in school is what will give your child the best foundation for making connections with others in life. Ultimately the goal (at least in my mind) is not to live exactly the same life that his peers have led, but to be secure enough in himself that it doesn't feel like a risk to open himself to others and learn from their experiences. It sounds to me like you're doing great.
I don't remember if you have other kids, so I apologize if this sounds obvious or condescending, but I want to emphasize that the amount of change that happens as kids grow up is significant. People said this to me when my little one was struggling in first grade and I sort of didn't get what they meant, but now that she's entering fifth I can see it more clearly. Some things are the same but other struggles were truly just temporary. It would have been silly to try to make high school decisions based on what we could see then -- too much has changed already and we're only halfway through.
posted by eirias at 12:49 PM on August 1, 2022 [6 favorites]
My hunch is that having a good formative experience in school is what will give your child the best foundation for making connections with others in life. Ultimately the goal (at least in my mind) is not to live exactly the same life that his peers have led, but to be secure enough in himself that it doesn't feel like a risk to open himself to others and learn from their experiences. It sounds to me like you're doing great.
I don't remember if you have other kids, so I apologize if this sounds obvious or condescending, but I want to emphasize that the amount of change that happens as kids grow up is significant. People said this to me when my little one was struggling in first grade and I sort of didn't get what they meant, but now that she's entering fifth I can see it more clearly. Some things are the same but other struggles were truly just temporary. It would have been silly to try to make high school decisions based on what we could see then -- too much has changed already and we're only halfway through.
posted by eirias at 12:49 PM on August 1, 2022 [6 favorites]
Two of my granddaughters did Montessori pre-school and school until Covid, March 2020, when they were 7 and 10. They finished out the school year doing Montessori remotely. The past two school years (US, September to June) they've been in public school. They're doing fine. The younger one did so well in public school that the school moved her up a year.
Every kid is different and every kid changes over the years. Don't worry about it.
posted by mareli at 5:33 PM on August 1, 2022
Every kid is different and every kid changes over the years. Don't worry about it.
posted by mareli at 5:33 PM on August 1, 2022
I did full time Montessori for preschool, and then summer Montessori after transitioning to public. In retrospect my parents and I agree that I should have stayed full time until 3rd grade because it was such a nurturing place for me, but I needed a level of socialization for emotional development (read: resilience) that I wasn't getting in my various Montessori experiences. I did fine in public school. Not great, emotionally, because other kids are mean. But I did fine and still loved school because I focused on the learning. Your kiddo will be ok.
posted by The Adventure Begins at 12:24 PM on August 2, 2022
posted by The Adventure Begins at 12:24 PM on August 2, 2022
I attended Montessori school from pre-K through 8th grade and then attended a very traditional high school and got into one of the top-ranked SLACs in the US, where I was fairly successful, then followed that up with a graduate degree. My child now also attends Montessori school, largely as the result of a kindergarten experience in public school similar to yours. It was terrible, my child is much happier now.
I have ZERO concerns about my child transitioning out of Montessori. It’s a bridge we’ll cross when we get there. There will be some areas that are gaps (usually around specific facts), but also some where they have stronger skills (usually around more important things like self-motivation and enthusiasm for learning). I had some bumps the first semester in high school, but it really was totally fine, I doubt any more significant than any of my peers who came from more traditional schools.
There is no reason your child needs to be miserable at school to be prepared for the future. Montessori is excellent preparation for future learning and life. I think right now is a time to appreciate what you’ve found!
posted by annie o at 10:26 PM on August 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
I have ZERO concerns about my child transitioning out of Montessori. It’s a bridge we’ll cross when we get there. There will be some areas that are gaps (usually around specific facts), but also some where they have stronger skills (usually around more important things like self-motivation and enthusiasm for learning). I had some bumps the first semester in high school, but it really was totally fine, I doubt any more significant than any of my peers who came from more traditional schools.
There is no reason your child needs to be miserable at school to be prepared for the future. Montessori is excellent preparation for future learning and life. I think right now is a time to appreciate what you’ve found!
posted by annie o at 10:26 PM on August 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
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I went to Montessori for kindergarten only, and I really liked it. I then moved to a different school for first grade, because my mom (a teacher) re-entered the workforce and got a job at this other school. The transition was rough - I was a spacey kid, and the free-form of Montessori worked much better for me than the model of sitting in desks, all doing the same thing at the same time, etc. But I managed.
One of my friends in sixth grade came out of Montessori, and she really struggled, especially with homework (she had never had homework) and all of the structure. There were also some gaps in her knowledge - she did catch up eventually, but I remember she felt "dumb" a fair bit, despite being smart. But she was eventually fine, so I'd say if it's working for your son and he's happy there, that's what matters most.
posted by coffeecat at 4:53 PM on July 31, 2022