Is it creepy to make funny faces to/with a stranger's kid?
July 2, 2022 8:59 AM
I was in line and a young girl around two smiled at me and started making silly faces. Without thinking I made them back (hey, she started it). Her mother was busy filling out forms but maybe seemed to not like it (I also had the sense from her dress and accent she might be a recent African immigrant and have expectations I'm not familiar with.)
So, I went to a different line, but, in general, is responding in the first place count as creepy?
I don't know if I would call it creepy, but I would not do it. If the parent seemed aware, I would have just smiled at the child and the parent and said hello. If the parent did not seem aware, I might quickly smile at the child but not engage in any way further. I am a woman.
posted by fies at 9:13 AM on July 2, 2022
posted by fies at 9:13 AM on July 2, 2022
Creepiness is in the eye of the beholder, and so how different parents react to this will be mixed. I have done this a fair bit myself and nobody has minded, but I think as a woman I'm given more leeway here.
posted by coffeecat at 9:22 AM on July 2, 2022
posted by coffeecat at 9:22 AM on July 2, 2022
Do it all the time! One of the few benefits of being an obviously harmless goofy old guy with funny eyebrows.
posted by sammyo at 9:29 AM on July 2, 2022
posted by sammyo at 9:29 AM on July 2, 2022
Nah, it's a standard form of interaction between adults and very young children. Some parents really don't like other adults interacting with their children in any way in public, though, so there's also that.
posted by cupcakeninja at 9:30 AM on July 2, 2022
posted by cupcakeninja at 9:30 AM on July 2, 2022
I love it when strangers interact with my toddler, it makes her day. I still think fondly on some of the many nice people who’ve taken a moment of time to make her giggle. But I also think you were right to move away when the Mom was uncomfortable. Who knows what her day was going like, it’s good you gave her some space.
posted by lepus at 9:31 AM on July 2, 2022
posted by lepus at 9:31 AM on July 2, 2022
If a young child smiles/waves/pulls a face at you, then it's not creepy to reciprocate in kind. It's probably polite, strange as that might seem.
But after you've reciprocated you go back to looking at your phone/talking to your partner/staring into the distance/whatever, because keeping up a "conversation" with a stranger's child can be creepy, no matter how benign your intentions. If you were a woman you'd have a lot more leeway to carry on the "conversation", but as a man, you don't. (I am a man, FWIW)
It's sad, but that's the world we live in.
posted by underclocked at 9:31 AM on July 2, 2022
But after you've reciprocated you go back to looking at your phone/talking to your partner/staring into the distance/whatever, because keeping up a "conversation" with a stranger's child can be creepy, no matter how benign your intentions. If you were a woman you'd have a lot more leeway to carry on the "conversation", but as a man, you don't. (I am a man, FWIW)
It's sad, but that's the world we live in.
posted by underclocked at 9:31 AM on July 2, 2022
I've done it and the kids love it and no parent has even noticed, but that probably varies from parent to parent.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:33 AM on July 2, 2022
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:33 AM on July 2, 2022
I think it's important to recognize the actual context of this event, notably that there may be a cultural difference at play. A better framing might be "is this creepy or otherwise unacceptable in some cultures?" A bunch of randoms being all "no this is fine for me don't worry about it" (which was my first instinct here as well) doesn't shed light on the incident itself nor provide much for future decision making.
posted by wemayfreeze at 9:34 AM on July 2, 2022
posted by wemayfreeze at 9:34 AM on July 2, 2022
I think parents are rightfully edgy about who's interacting w/ their kids & why, but making faces is a great way to safely interact. Who knows what forms she was filling out or what she thought. You can always say Your child is adorable or similar. When my son was little, anything that entertained him at the grocery was a plus, tbh.
posted by theora55 at 9:36 AM on July 2, 2022
posted by theora55 at 9:36 AM on July 2, 2022
I am a middle-aged dude and if I am in line at the grocery store and a child of a certain age looks at me I will make funny faces and do the peekaboo thing with my hands. Tongues might even be stuck out. I have done this approximately eight million times. At least seven million of those times the parent has seen me do it, smiled, and then a conversation is struck up and we all have a good laugh.
I also have a child and when she was a certain age, the same thing would happen to her. I never, ever thought it as creepy. Go ahead, entertain my child! Please. Any seconds a stranger spends keeping my child busy is free babysitting as far as I'm concerned.
That said, if I ever saw that the kid is not into it, or if I got vibes from the parent that what I'm doing isn't cool, I would immediately stop. This has never happened. I also know not to interact with little kids if the parent is not in sight.
I could see that some people might see it as creepy, and I could see it being done in a certain way that it might come off as creepy, but this would be a rare case.
The world is a scary place. Be silly at every opportunity.
posted by bondcliff at 9:36 AM on July 2, 2022
I also have a child and when she was a certain age, the same thing would happen to her. I never, ever thought it as creepy. Go ahead, entertain my child! Please. Any seconds a stranger spends keeping my child busy is free babysitting as far as I'm concerned.
That said, if I ever saw that the kid is not into it, or if I got vibes from the parent that what I'm doing isn't cool, I would immediately stop. This has never happened. I also know not to interact with little kids if the parent is not in sight.
I could see that some people might see it as creepy, and I could see it being done in a certain way that it might come off as creepy, but this would be a rare case.
The world is a scary place. Be silly at every opportunity.
posted by bondcliff at 9:36 AM on July 2, 2022
A lot of adults will find it creepy (maybe taking evasive action) but the kids love it.
posted by Rash at 9:38 AM on July 2, 2022
posted by Rash at 9:38 AM on July 2, 2022
I like when people make faces WITH my kid sometimes, but-
Some people make faces AT my child, not WITH them, and I find that weird. Play needs to be a two-way street and babies consent to play, or not, within seconds. It can feel “off” if someone keeps trying when my kid isn’t into it.
Some faces are rude or a bit gross (tongue out) and I don’t want my baby copying that.
Some people get too close and I worry about them breathing at my child, blowing spit droplets (raspberries or “poof” type noises) and COVID aerosols at my child, or whether they plan to touch my child.
Some people’s ways of playing with my (racialized) child actually feel racist, like if they make monkey-type faces or are too animated.
Or some (nonBlack) people give weird over the top condescending fake compliments to Black people, either to try to prove they aren’t racist, or as if their approval is the gold standard and I need to be validated. It’s almost like the kid version of being catcalled- it’s not sexual, but the real function of catcalling is yo-yo express social dominance and I feel it in how some people interact with my family. It’s a really palpable vibe and I give it the stink eye for sure.
Some people look dirty to me - one time a person with long visibly dirty nails ran at me and touched my newborn’s head!!! and I almost karate chopped them.
Some people just give off a vibe that makes me uncomfortable, like they’re trying to subtly create a relationship with my kid that doesn’t include me, or if I don’t like the person’s enthusiasm.
Sometimes another person crosses my boundaries and I respond by being “tougher” on the next person. A lady TRIED TO FEED A POTATO CHIP TO MY BABY with her freshly-licked fingers, at 3 months when he hadn’t even had a single solid! No stranger was allowed anywhere near the baby for weeks after that.
So any of those things or something totally different could have been at play, and it’s great that you backed off!
posted by nouvelle-personne at 9:50 AM on July 2, 2022
Some people make faces AT my child, not WITH them, and I find that weird. Play needs to be a two-way street and babies consent to play, or not, within seconds. It can feel “off” if someone keeps trying when my kid isn’t into it.
Some faces are rude or a bit gross (tongue out) and I don’t want my baby copying that.
Some people get too close and I worry about them breathing at my child, blowing spit droplets (raspberries or “poof” type noises) and COVID aerosols at my child, or whether they plan to touch my child.
Some people’s ways of playing with my (racialized) child actually feel racist, like if they make monkey-type faces or are too animated.
Or some (nonBlack) people give weird over the top condescending fake compliments to Black people, either to try to prove they aren’t racist, or as if their approval is the gold standard and I need to be validated. It’s almost like the kid version of being catcalled- it’s not sexual, but the real function of catcalling is yo-yo express social dominance and I feel it in how some people interact with my family. It’s a really palpable vibe and I give it the stink eye for sure.
Some people look dirty to me - one time a person with long visibly dirty nails ran at me and touched my newborn’s head!!! and I almost karate chopped them.
Some people just give off a vibe that makes me uncomfortable, like they’re trying to subtly create a relationship with my kid that doesn’t include me, or if I don’t like the person’s enthusiasm.
Sometimes another person crosses my boundaries and I respond by being “tougher” on the next person. A lady TRIED TO FEED A POTATO CHIP TO MY BABY with her freshly-licked fingers, at 3 months when he hadn’t even had a single solid! No stranger was allowed anywhere near the baby for weeks after that.
So any of those things or something totally different could have been at play, and it’s great that you backed off!
posted by nouvelle-personne at 9:50 AM on July 2, 2022
Lol autocorrect:
“but the real function of catcalling is TO express social dominance and I feel it in how some people interact with my family.”
posted by nouvelle-personne at 9:56 AM on July 2, 2022
“but the real function of catcalling is TO express social dominance and I feel it in how some people interact with my family.”
posted by nouvelle-personne at 9:56 AM on July 2, 2022
If a child seeks to engage with you, through making faces, gestures or "Hi!", it seems cruel to simply ignore it.
posted by SPrintF at 10:14 AM on July 2, 2022
posted by SPrintF at 10:14 AM on July 2, 2022
Amazing answer above by nouvelle-personne (also was giggling hard at trying to figure out the “yo-yo” part)
posted by knownassociate at 10:25 AM on July 2, 2022
posted by knownassociate at 10:25 AM on July 2, 2022
I would expect this to be somewhat location specific. I've lived in places where strangers routinely smile at each other on the street and places where that does not happen. So "acceptable" interactions with strangers can vary.
I do smile and sometimes make faces at kids in grocery stores (or did back when I could go to grocery stores). It's true that if the child isn't engaging you should drop it and very true that if the parent seems even slightly perturbed, you should drop it. And the behavior that nouvelle-personne wrote about (touching, feeding (!), any comment besides "your baby is adorable") should absolutely be out.
Whenever a parent has noticed what I'm doing, I've never gotten anything but a smile. I think it would be sad to cut out this type of human interaction unless there's a response from the parent that tells you otherwise.
posted by FencingGal at 11:10 AM on July 2, 2022
I do smile and sometimes make faces at kids in grocery stores (or did back when I could go to grocery stores). It's true that if the child isn't engaging you should drop it and very true that if the parent seems even slightly perturbed, you should drop it. And the behavior that nouvelle-personne wrote about (touching, feeding (!), any comment besides "your baby is adorable") should absolutely be out.
Whenever a parent has noticed what I'm doing, I've never gotten anything but a smile. I think it would be sad to cut out this type of human interaction unless there's a response from the parent that tells you otherwise.
posted by FencingGal at 11:10 AM on July 2, 2022
One of the great joys of the semi-lifting of masks is the return of making silly faces with toddlers and babies in public. How can something be creepy if everyone, including the parent, is laughing and appreciative of the interaction? Not to get too science-y about this, but this is how infants, toddlers, and older children learn to read facial expressions, body language, verbal tone. Plus such interactions with young children fosters social development.
posted by Elsie at 11:23 AM on July 2, 2022
posted by Elsie at 11:23 AM on July 2, 2022
I do this frequently. I have been known to, while waiting in line at the grocery store, take a box of something from my cart and put it on my head to see if I can get a smile or a laugh. I enjoy it and the kids seem to like it, and I've never had a parent/adult do anything but give a smile or chat a bit.
But I'd never approach or touch someone else's kid. This is only when the kid is either being held by the adult or they're in the stroller/cart with the adult right there. Full disclosure, I'm a middle-aged white lady who works as a librarian and has an "ask me!" kind of face. Strangers ask me for directions all the time.
posted by Gray Duck at 11:30 AM on July 2, 2022
But I'd never approach or touch someone else's kid. This is only when the kid is either being held by the adult or they're in the stroller/cart with the adult right there. Full disclosure, I'm a middle-aged white lady who works as a librarian and has an "ask me!" kind of face. Strangers ask me for directions all the time.
posted by Gray Duck at 11:30 AM on July 2, 2022
I feel I've accomplished something if I've made a toddler smile through my goofiness while waiting in line, but I also am a middle aged white woman who gets asked directions (and to get things off high shelves) in stores all the time. This is just me, waving at a baby while their parent is putting items on the conveyor belt at Costco, lots of witnesses, keeping my distance.
When my kids were little and liked to wave at people, I was unimpressed by adults who wouldn't wave back.
posted by The corpse in the library at 11:36 AM on July 2, 2022
When my kids were little and liked to wave at people, I was unimpressed by adults who wouldn't wave back.
posted by The corpse in the library at 11:36 AM on July 2, 2022
I feel weird if I don't do it. Here's this kid choosing to interact with me and I don't play? (Except it makes me really uncomfortable playing games with any people I don't know, so I move so that I'm not their target). As a mother (with a traumatic background) if I saw a stranger of any gender interacting with my kid without knowing the kid initiated it, I would give the stranger the stink eye, and move myself inbetween. If I knew my kid had initiated it, I would make an apologetic face to the stranger and move inbetween. Why yes, I do have a therapist, why did you think so?
In short, it depends.
posted by b33j at 12:57 PM on July 2, 2022
In short, it depends.
posted by b33j at 12:57 PM on July 2, 2022
I think it’s perceived as creepy and so avoid interacting with other people’s children in general, including making silly faces.
posted by notyou at 1:01 PM on July 2, 2022
posted by notyou at 1:01 PM on July 2, 2022
Man I hope not. That would eliminate like a solid 40% of my social interactions.
It occurs to me that I should probably explain that. I work from home and the only time I really leave the house is dropping off and picking up my kids from daycare.
posted by kevinbelt at 1:04 PM on July 2, 2022
It occurs to me that I should probably explain that. I work from home and the only time I really leave the house is dropping off and picking up my kids from daycare.
posted by kevinbelt at 1:04 PM on July 2, 2022
Not creepy at all. I had a friendly baby/toddler who always wanted to engage with everybody. Not everybody would engage back with him and that would always make me a little sad. But obviously in this case since the parent didn't seem to like it, you were right to back off.
posted by spicytunaroll at 2:21 PM on July 2, 2022
posted by spicytunaroll at 2:21 PM on July 2, 2022
I had a similar experience about a decade ago, where I was responding in kind to a funny tot making faces at me in a restaurant, until I suddenly realized the parent seemed really uncomfortable. I shut it down immediately and felt sort of ashamed. So I totally get your trying to reckon with this now - my approach personally is changed to this day because of that instance. Though I don’t think yours has to!
I don’t think it’s creepy necessarily to smile or be playful back at a child if they initiate. I usually smile or wave, make eye contact with their guardian and nod or smile, then walk away or otherwise busy myself to end the interaction. I think ignoring them entirely is fine but a little rude - that kid is a person, after all! It does strike me as a little weird to keep it going very long, especially if you aren’t also engaging with their guardian in some way. And definitely creepy to initiate play with a strange child.
For cultural context, I am American and from an area where it is customary to like, smile at strangers on the street. But I tend to avoid doing that kind of stuff, too, because I’m a young(ish) femme-y person, and men feel way too comfortable approaching me in rather unwelcome ways unless I actively give off an icy vibe (though I suspect that particular problem will resolve itself to some extent when I have another 15-20 years on me). I also have trouble with reading social cues and navigating boundaries (like knowing when to/that I can end a conversation), so I probably play all this stuff safer than someone who has more social ease.
posted by moonbeam at 2:32 PM on July 2, 2022
I don’t think it’s creepy necessarily to smile or be playful back at a child if they initiate. I usually smile or wave, make eye contact with their guardian and nod or smile, then walk away or otherwise busy myself to end the interaction. I think ignoring them entirely is fine but a little rude - that kid is a person, after all! It does strike me as a little weird to keep it going very long, especially if you aren’t also engaging with their guardian in some way. And definitely creepy to initiate play with a strange child.
For cultural context, I am American and from an area where it is customary to like, smile at strangers on the street. But I tend to avoid doing that kind of stuff, too, because I’m a young(ish) femme-y person, and men feel way too comfortable approaching me in rather unwelcome ways unless I actively give off an icy vibe (though I suspect that particular problem will resolve itself to some extent when I have another 15-20 years on me). I also have trouble with reading social cues and navigating boundaries (like knowing when to/that I can end a conversation), so I probably play all this stuff safer than someone who has more social ease.
posted by moonbeam at 2:32 PM on July 2, 2022
Not creepy at all but could be annoying if the mother has been struggling with the kid's behavior in the past hour or two. If Mom is filling out some kind of form it may have just been distracting at a time when she needed to concentrate. Or it could have been ok with mom and she was just having issues with something else.
posted by mulcahy at 3:10 PM on July 2, 2022
posted by mulcahy at 3:10 PM on July 2, 2022
I think it is fine. I was in bumper to bumper traffic on the Merritt Pkwy the other day. 87 degrees. The only two vehicles on the road with windows open were me and the truck near me in the other lane. When I got next to them, there were two young girls waving and laughing. I waved back. Then, the older one yelled "Hello". I looked at their mother in the passenger seat who gave me a small smile and a slight nod so I said "Hello" back. We were leap frogging back and forth and played the hello game for about 5 miles.
Little kids are funny. Funny faces make them laugh. It is always good karma to make someone laugh especially a child.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:25 PM on July 2, 2022
Little kids are funny. Funny faces make them laugh. It is always good karma to make someone laugh especially a child.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:25 PM on July 2, 2022
Please note a lot of these answers are from people doing the action, not receiving it!
“I do it all the time, everyone loves it” could be true, but the tricky part is it’s also exactly what someone would say if it were untrue.
posted by kapers at 1:17 PM on July 3, 2022
“I do it all the time, everyone loves it” could be true, but the tricky part is it’s also exactly what someone would say if it were untrue.
posted by kapers at 1:17 PM on July 3, 2022
If this was pre-covid I would have an entirely different answer. People are way more on edge now and I have seen so many seemingly innocent interactions devolve into screaming matches that I am way, way more unlikely to do anything more than wave at a kid. I do work in grocery retail so that alone makes the majority of people I interact with more fighty than most.
That being said, I've never had a problem with anyone making faces at my <10 kid and neither has she. Smiles/waves/faces and greetings have always been okay but I can only speak for myself.
posted by M Edward at 4:51 PM on July 3, 2022
That being said, I've never had a problem with anyone making faces at my <10 kid and neither has she. Smiles/waves/faces and greetings have always been okay but I can only speak for myself.
posted by M Edward at 4:51 PM on July 3, 2022
Oh no! If this is creepy, I am the most creeptastic person ever. I do it allll the time. Only if the kid initiates it, of course. (I’m a woman, for what that’s worth.)
This is probably a cultural/societal thing to some extent, too. I’m in Australia, not the US, and suspect it might be a bit more laid-back here. One time at an outdoor pizza place (here in Aus), some young Italian people basically kidnapped my friend’s baby for an hour so we could dine in peace, complete with dancing him around, giving shoulder rides, etc. It was awesome.
posted by Salamander at 10:23 PM on July 3, 2022
This is probably a cultural/societal thing to some extent, too. I’m in Australia, not the US, and suspect it might be a bit more laid-back here. One time at an outdoor pizza place (here in Aus), some young Italian people basically kidnapped my friend’s baby for an hour so we could dine in peace, complete with dancing him around, giving shoulder rides, etc. It was awesome.
posted by Salamander at 10:23 PM on July 3, 2022
Please do not do this with my child. It is creepy.
Politely smile back if you want. Even if I think your intentions are OK and you're not a predator (which who knows?!), I'm pretty sure you don't understand his expectations or boundaries for this sort of interaction - so if I see you do this out the corner of my eye, at best I'm thinking, you're going to scare or upset him by taking this game too far. I suddenly have to monitor what's going on and be on edge to intervene.
Look, I'll put it plainly, my kid is not your toy, he's not there for your amusement, please just smile and leave him be.
posted by iivix at 3:59 AM on July 4, 2022
Politely smile back if you want. Even if I think your intentions are OK and you're not a predator (which who knows?!), I'm pretty sure you don't understand his expectations or boundaries for this sort of interaction - so if I see you do this out the corner of my eye, at best I'm thinking, you're going to scare or upset him by taking this game too far. I suddenly have to monitor what's going on and be on edge to intervene.
Look, I'll put it plainly, my kid is not your toy, he's not there for your amusement, please just smile and leave him be.
posted by iivix at 3:59 AM on July 4, 2022
I guess that's the big difference in responses, here: people who think the baby is the toy, and people who think the adult is the toy.
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:55 AM on July 4, 2022
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:55 AM on July 4, 2022
This is really similar to the “why can’t I talk to pretty girls on the subway?” arguments, and all of the same justifications are being wheeled out on this thread.
Parents on public transport or in the supermarket mostly want to complete their journey or get their shopping done in peace. Yes I know my child is cute. No I don’t want you touching them, trying to undress them to see what colour their hair is, taking flash photos right in their face for your fucking Instagram, harassing them or pulling faces at them, or interacting with us in any way whatsoever. All of these things happened more than once over a six month period when my kid was 12-18 months old, and honestly it feels exactly like when men approach me to ask what I’m reading.
And no I don’t generally give voice to this, because it makes me so angry to have a random stranger pawing at my child ^yet again^, that if I said anything I would risk completely losing my temper to get you the fuck away from him. It absolutely makes my skin crawl in a very primal way. It is exactly the same visceral response I have to being groped myself. But it isn’t socially a acceptable response, so I give you an icy smile and move away.
You are doing it once, my child is getting pawed at multiple times a week and most parents I discuss this with are absolutely done with it. But honestly it doesn’t matter if all parents feel this way or not, in the same way that it doesn’t matter that some women enjoy being catcalled - at least a subset of parents feel like me, and by approaching their children as a stranger, you are provoking this response.
posted by tinkletown at 1:20 PM on July 4, 2022
Parents on public transport or in the supermarket mostly want to complete their journey or get their shopping done in peace. Yes I know my child is cute. No I don’t want you touching them, trying to undress them to see what colour their hair is, taking flash photos right in their face for your fucking Instagram, harassing them or pulling faces at them, or interacting with us in any way whatsoever. All of these things happened more than once over a six month period when my kid was 12-18 months old, and honestly it feels exactly like when men approach me to ask what I’m reading.
And no I don’t generally give voice to this, because it makes me so angry to have a random stranger pawing at my child ^yet again^, that if I said anything I would risk completely losing my temper to get you the fuck away from him. It absolutely makes my skin crawl in a very primal way. It is exactly the same visceral response I have to being groped myself. But it isn’t socially a acceptable response, so I give you an icy smile and move away.
You are doing it once, my child is getting pawed at multiple times a week and most parents I discuss this with are absolutely done with it. But honestly it doesn’t matter if all parents feel this way or not, in the same way that it doesn’t matter that some women enjoy being catcalled - at least a subset of parents feel like me, and by approaching their children as a stranger, you are provoking this response.
posted by tinkletown at 1:20 PM on July 4, 2022
As one of the pro-funny-facers in the thread, I just wanted to re-direct:
Yes I know my child is cute. No I don’t want you touching them, trying to undress them to see what colour their hair is, taking flash photos right in their face for your fucking Instagram, harassing them or pulling faces at them, or interacting with us in any way whatsoever. All of these things happened more than once over a six month period when my kid was 12-18 months old, and honestly it feels exactly like when men approach me to ask what I’m reading.
I absolutely 100% agree with you that touching your child and trying to undress them and taking flash-photos of them is WAY over the line. I ABSOLUTELY was not advocating for that, and I apologize if I gave that impression; I suspect other pro-funny-facers here would agree. I also agree that an adult trying to start the interaction with a strange child is pushing it.
In this instance, however, it was the child who started the interaction; and while I grant that I am not (and have never been) a parent, I remember being a young child who was a little bored because I was stuck in the shopping cart and mommy was too busy trying to decide what brand of laundry detergent to get, and oh that lady there looks nice, I'll practice saying hi. When that happened, if the person just ignored me and walked away, I would feel confused - I said hi, why didn't they say hi back? If they said Hi back, then yay someone said hi to me! I didn't need them to continue the conversation, I just needed my "hi" returned.
And that is why, when a child initiates such a thing, I return the overture. However - JUST as the OP did - if I sensed that the parent was at all uncomfortable, I'd drop it immediately, because the parent's feelings are absolutely valid and take precedent.
But I 100% agree with you that touching your child without asking you AND your child for consent first, or trying to undress them (WTF?) or taking a flash photo of them, is WAY overstepping, and I think everyone else here agrees that as well.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:44 PM on July 4, 2022
Yes I know my child is cute. No I don’t want you touching them, trying to undress them to see what colour their hair is, taking flash photos right in their face for your fucking Instagram, harassing them or pulling faces at them, or interacting with us in any way whatsoever. All of these things happened more than once over a six month period when my kid was 12-18 months old, and honestly it feels exactly like when men approach me to ask what I’m reading.
I absolutely 100% agree with you that touching your child and trying to undress them and taking flash-photos of them is WAY over the line. I ABSOLUTELY was not advocating for that, and I apologize if I gave that impression; I suspect other pro-funny-facers here would agree. I also agree that an adult trying to start the interaction with a strange child is pushing it.
In this instance, however, it was the child who started the interaction; and while I grant that I am not (and have never been) a parent, I remember being a young child who was a little bored because I was stuck in the shopping cart and mommy was too busy trying to decide what brand of laundry detergent to get, and oh that lady there looks nice, I'll practice saying hi. When that happened, if the person just ignored me and walked away, I would feel confused - I said hi, why didn't they say hi back? If they said Hi back, then yay someone said hi to me! I didn't need them to continue the conversation, I just needed my "hi" returned.
And that is why, when a child initiates such a thing, I return the overture. However - JUST as the OP did - if I sensed that the parent was at all uncomfortable, I'd drop it immediately, because the parent's feelings are absolutely valid and take precedent.
But I 100% agree with you that touching your child without asking you AND your child for consent first, or trying to undress them (WTF?) or taking a flash photo of them, is WAY overstepping, and I think everyone else here agrees that as well.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:44 PM on July 4, 2022
You know, I lived for many years in a neighborhood (through which I still walk regularly) where many households just... take over the sidewalk in front of their house at various times. The unspoken wish of many of these families is that you enter the street instead of disturb their use of the sidewalk, and most definitely that you do not speak to any of them unless they speak to you. It's a wildly alienating experience, like living inside of Miéville's The City & The City, and it's bullshit.
The faces-at-kids thing strikes me as not dissimilar. I think there's a dividing line between the "aggressive catcalling" mode and... interacting with people, whether toddlers or adults. All social interactions have the potential to go badly, not to know what a stranger is thinking, etc. In the case of faces-at-kids, I do think it's a fine idea to have your antennae up and see if you get a stay-away vibe from the parent or guardian, but to the OP's question, I still think it's fine to respond.
posted by cupcakeninja at 4:22 PM on July 4, 2022
The faces-at-kids thing strikes me as not dissimilar. I think there's a dividing line between the "aggressive catcalling" mode and... interacting with people, whether toddlers or adults. All social interactions have the potential to go badly, not to know what a stranger is thinking, etc. In the case of faces-at-kids, I do think it's a fine idea to have your antennae up and see if you get a stay-away vibe from the parent or guardian, but to the OP's question, I still think it's fine to respond.
posted by cupcakeninja at 4:22 PM on July 4, 2022
Just going to drop into the thread as a mother and grandmother to say I was fine and in fact delighted with people making faces at my babies / small children and my daughter is fine with it with her baby, so, as with all things, YMMV. I always thought of it as growing social skills: seeing other people, learning how other people act, interacting in different ways with people and that there are many many many people in the world, all doing different things. Sort of the Richard Scarry view of the supermarket / public space.
Touching is of course a completely different matter and no, don't do that.
posted by mygothlaundry at 12:42 PM on July 5, 2022
Touching is of course a completely different matter and no, don't do that.
posted by mygothlaundry at 12:42 PM on July 5, 2022
It’s not that it feels alienating to not return a smile or wave from a little kid — it feels rude. It’s a little kid! Waving! To stonily turn away would feel so mean.
Touching, taking photos, getting close, or talking is entirely different and unacceptable.
posted by The corpse in the library at 3:33 PM on July 5, 2022
Touching, taking photos, getting close, or talking is entirely different and unacceptable.
posted by The corpse in the library at 3:33 PM on July 5, 2022
"...my kid is not your toy, he's not there for your amusement"
This is just a sad, nihilistic worldview that seems to dismiss the possibility of genuine human connection.
posted by Jon44 at 6:07 AM on July 6, 2022
This is just a sad, nihilistic worldview that seems to dismiss the possibility of genuine human connection.
posted by Jon44 at 6:07 AM on July 6, 2022
You can seek genuine human connection with me, an adult, who can consent to this and understands how these interactions work. You can smile back at my kid (of course!), but you are not OK to engage him in a game (especially while I'm not looking) because you are an adult and a stranger, like you can't touch him, give him food, etc. - that's creepy.
I know this is hard for you to hear, and I know you just wanted to launch this thread and hear that it's all good, your shame is lifted. But I can't do that - at least some parents think you're being creepy. You can protect your ego by deflecting to talk about "worldview" or whatever (make it my fault somehow), or show some humility, listen to the voice of a parent, and think about improving your behaviour in future.
posted by iivix at 6:48 AM on July 6, 2022
I know this is hard for you to hear, and I know you just wanted to launch this thread and hear that it's all good, your shame is lifted. But I can't do that - at least some parents think you're being creepy. You can protect your ego by deflecting to talk about "worldview" or whatever (make it my fault somehow), or show some humility, listen to the voice of a parent, and think about improving your behaviour in future.
posted by iivix at 6:48 AM on July 6, 2022
"...my kid is not your toy, he's not there for your amusement"
This is just a sad, nihilistic worldview that seems to dismiss the possibility of genuine human connection.
Whereas I think the idea that my kid IS a toy for your amusement is messed up beyond measure. There is clearly a diversity of opinion on this, and you need to be aware that you are going to significantly piss off at least a minority of parents by doing this. If that doesn’t give you pause, and apparently it doesn’t because you are in here arguing the toss about it, I don’t think anyone is going to change your mind.
posted by tinkletown at 11:24 AM on July 6, 2022
This is just a sad, nihilistic worldview that seems to dismiss the possibility of genuine human connection.
Whereas I think the idea that my kid IS a toy for your amusement is messed up beyond measure. There is clearly a diversity of opinion on this, and you need to be aware that you are going to significantly piss off at least a minority of parents by doing this. If that doesn’t give you pause, and apparently it doesn’t because you are in here arguing the toss about it, I don’t think anyone is going to change your mind.
posted by tinkletown at 11:24 AM on July 6, 2022
This thread is closed to new comments.
I do also think you were wise to knock it off when you sensed the mother was getting uneasy, but on the whole I don't think it's creepy at all. Maybe the mother was just having a bad day, or was shy or something; it was wise of you to respect that. I think you'll find that 98% of all other mothers would smile at you indulgently instead if you did it to their kid, though, so it's not creepy in and of itself.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:10 AM on July 2, 2022