FB Marketplace and caveat venditor
June 14, 2022 9:31 AM Subscribe
Selling my son's car audio subwoofer on FB Marketplace. Questions about in-person exchanges with a "gift of fear" vibe.
This subwoofer attracted, predictably, DUDES. Most seem fine, lots of flaking out after a couple of messages. One looked great and then fell through. I'm desperate to get rid of this thing (son is not reliable enough to manage an online sale, no advice on that, please), so I jumped on the next viable prospect.
My normal practice is pre-conversation detective work - just checking out who they seem to be, with a tendency to give people a slight benefit of the doubt. That has worked well enough so far.
Until last night. Buyer was brief but polite in his inquiry. We talked details like price, condition, etc. No arrangements made for pickup, so we agreed to reconnect today.
I remembered, oh, I should at least check this guy out. His FB profile was scary, with lots of crazy misogynistic meme sharing, among other generally antisocial stuff. I plugged his name into our state's online court database, and list is not fun reading: assaults of many flavors, burglary, theft, etc. Escape from a correctional institution.
Guy is my age and this resume includes a lot of entries from the last three years. It's not like he was a wild child who aged out of getting into scrapes.
Do I proceed with this sale (which I committed to yesterday), and if so, what precautions besides the normal stuff (public place w/video, bring backup, etc.)? My city does not have a monitored "safe zone" for such exchanges.
Or, do I cancel on some pretense and hope he doesn't get mad at me? Note that I'm easy to find online, I work in a pretty public-facing job, an address search leads to my ex-wife's house where my kid lives 50% of the time.
I don't think I'm just a fraidy-cat. It's reasonable to exercise caution with any such sale. Help me think through this.
This subwoofer attracted, predictably, DUDES. Most seem fine, lots of flaking out after a couple of messages. One looked great and then fell through. I'm desperate to get rid of this thing (son is not reliable enough to manage an online sale, no advice on that, please), so I jumped on the next viable prospect.
My normal practice is pre-conversation detective work - just checking out who they seem to be, with a tendency to give people a slight benefit of the doubt. That has worked well enough so far.
Until last night. Buyer was brief but polite in his inquiry. We talked details like price, condition, etc. No arrangements made for pickup, so we agreed to reconnect today.
I remembered, oh, I should at least check this guy out. His FB profile was scary, with lots of crazy misogynistic meme sharing, among other generally antisocial stuff. I plugged his name into our state's online court database, and list is not fun reading: assaults of many flavors, burglary, theft, etc. Escape from a correctional institution.
Guy is my age and this resume includes a lot of entries from the last three years. It's not like he was a wild child who aged out of getting into scrapes.
Do I proceed with this sale (which I committed to yesterday), and if so, what precautions besides the normal stuff (public place w/video, bring backup, etc.)? My city does not have a monitored "safe zone" for such exchanges.
Or, do I cancel on some pretense and hope he doesn't get mad at me? Note that I'm easy to find online, I work in a pretty public-facing job, an address search leads to my ex-wife's house where my kid lives 50% of the time.
I don't think I'm just a fraidy-cat. It's reasonable to exercise caution with any such sale. Help me think through this.
Can you bring a second person (probably not your son) as deterrent/witness?
posted by humbug at 9:46 AM on June 14, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by humbug at 9:46 AM on June 14, 2022 [1 favorite]
Definitely meet in a public place and make it clear that he’s buying the subwoofer as-is, no returns, no partial refunds if he doesn’t like something about it, no tech support. You want this to be the last transaction that you have with him. Cash or cashier’s check only, no bank transfers/cards/checks.
posted by corey flood at 10:41 AM on June 14, 2022
posted by corey flood at 10:41 AM on June 14, 2022
Sell to someone else. Get in touch with local music store, musician's local, or something like that, music teacher, guitar teacher. Find out the best way to move it. Ghost this individual. Do not put out your address.
posted by Oyéah at 1:01 PM on June 14, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by Oyéah at 1:01 PM on June 14, 2022 [2 favorites]
I sell and give away things online regularly, mostly on Craigslist, and I'd ghost this person and try to find a different way to sell it (eBay?). Flaking out after a couple messages is ordinary for both buyers and sellers. And since you haven't set up a pickup time, I'd say there's nothing you need to cancel. He'll probably assume you sold to somebody else.
I'd be concerned about the risk of the person somehow getting unhappy with the purchase and accusing deception or other escalations.
If online searches lead to your information on data broker sites, I'd also suggest doing some opt-outs to try to remove the bulk of it. This wouldn't take effect right away, but could help you in general.
posted by dreamyshade at 2:03 PM on June 14, 2022 [2 favorites]
I'd be concerned about the risk of the person somehow getting unhappy with the purchase and accusing deception or other escalations.
If online searches lead to your information on data broker sites, I'd also suggest doing some opt-outs to try to remove the bulk of it. This wouldn't take effect right away, but could help you in general.
posted by dreamyshade at 2:03 PM on June 14, 2022 [2 favorites]
City "safe zones" aren't always great anyhow, sure there's video but that's not the same as having people around.
I'm assuming that the equipment is already removed from the car? Meet indoors, at a place that will have plenty of people but not such huge crowds that it's easy to disappear into them. Someplace you can arrive early and wait for them is ideal. Starbucks, McDonalds, etc. Maybe you love to hang out at your local independently owned coffee shop but that's not the place to meet people you don't want to see again.
When setting up something like this I usually say something about meeting indoors just to set expectations that I'm not going to be going out to the parking lot to meet them.
posted by yohko at 3:34 PM on June 14, 2022
I'm assuming that the equipment is already removed from the car? Meet indoors, at a place that will have plenty of people but not such huge crowds that it's easy to disappear into them. Someplace you can arrive early and wait for them is ideal. Starbucks, McDonalds, etc. Maybe you love to hang out at your local independently owned coffee shop but that's not the place to meet people you don't want to see again.
When setting up something like this I usually say something about meeting indoors just to set expectations that I'm not going to be going out to the parking lot to meet them.
posted by yohko at 3:34 PM on June 14, 2022
Response by poster: Thank you for your advice, everyone.
As I should have expected, buyer backed out after I declined to sell the amp separately from the driver and its enclosure.
FWIW I had decided on a coffeeshop with outdoor seating. I know it well enough but its not near my home so I rarely go there. Has a camera visible, always busy.
Which is where I'm going today to sell it to a kid who went viral for helping his injured opponent during a high school football game last year.
posted by Caxton1476 at 10:01 AM on June 17, 2022 [1 favorite]
As I should have expected, buyer backed out after I declined to sell the amp separately from the driver and its enclosure.
FWIW I had decided on a coffeeshop with outdoor seating. I know it well enough but its not near my home so I rarely go there. Has a camera visible, always busy.
Which is where I'm going today to sell it to a kid who went viral for helping his injured opponent during a high school football game last year.
posted by Caxton1476 at 10:01 AM on June 17, 2022 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
I sold a car on craigslist a few years ago, a car that couldn't drive, so it's not like I could pack it up and go meet someone. So in that case I said to please meet me at the Dunkin Donuts down the street from where my car was stuck and that I would need to see their ID. So when I met them, I took their driver's license, made sure it was actually them, took a photo of their license, and texted it to a friend. And then told them what I was doing and that my friend expected to hear from me in a few minutes. And only then did we walk over to the alley where my car was waiting.
Long story short meet at a Starbucks or similar, tell a friend what you'll be doing and make sure they have a plan (call the police or however you like to deal with emergencies) to follow through on if they don't get a status update from you x minutes later.
CASH ONLY.
posted by phunniemee at 9:38 AM on June 14, 2022 [6 favorites]