What To Do With This Cat
February 3, 2022 5:56 PM Subscribe
Kelso our 3 year old neutered cat is a disaster. We adopted him from the shelter when he was about 5 months old. He’s always been a bit aloof, but we thought he’d warm up eventually. He hasn’t. He’s a cat, we get it. Cats are weird. But he’s also really mean and I’m a bit at my wit’s end with him.
Kelso does not get along with our other animals, which I find odd since we got him at such a young age and he was quite socialized with the other cats at the shelter. He constantly. CONSTANTLY. attacks our other cat. Like cat screeching fights. I keep them separated for the most part. He also attacks our small dog - All. The. Time. The only animal he seems to leave alone is our chocolate lab. However, he will parkour off the big dog but big dog doesn’t care/mind. He seems to have some sort of really strong prey drive perhaps and anything that moves is fair game - even if it’s your cat sister and dog sister.
At night he gets relegated to the garage to give everyone a break. During the day, he’s in the main house and I keep an eye on things and break up tussles as necessary. In addition, Kelso is not friendly to people. He kinda likes being in the same room as the humans but has no desire to snuggle or even sit next to people. Once in a while we are able to give him a head scratch for two seconds before he turns on us. He seems to like the head scratch for that second.
So, my question is - what can I do to better the situation? Is there hope? What options do I have? I would love to find him another home but he’s such a disaster that I don’t feel good giving him to someone. And giving him up to a rescue seems pretty sad. No one is going to want this cat. At least with us he has food and shelter and we try to keep him happy with toys, boxes, and engagement. But, I feel really bad for our other cat and little dog who slink around trying to avoid his ambushes, often failing and end up fighting him off. Any suggestions would be so appreciated.
Kelso does not get along with our other animals, which I find odd since we got him at such a young age and he was quite socialized with the other cats at the shelter. He constantly. CONSTANTLY. attacks our other cat. Like cat screeching fights. I keep them separated for the most part. He also attacks our small dog - All. The. Time. The only animal he seems to leave alone is our chocolate lab. However, he will parkour off the big dog but big dog doesn’t care/mind. He seems to have some sort of really strong prey drive perhaps and anything that moves is fair game - even if it’s your cat sister and dog sister.
At night he gets relegated to the garage to give everyone a break. During the day, he’s in the main house and I keep an eye on things and break up tussles as necessary. In addition, Kelso is not friendly to people. He kinda likes being in the same room as the humans but has no desire to snuggle or even sit next to people. Once in a while we are able to give him a head scratch for two seconds before he turns on us. He seems to like the head scratch for that second.
So, my question is - what can I do to better the situation? Is there hope? What options do I have? I would love to find him another home but he’s such a disaster that I don’t feel good giving him to someone. And giving him up to a rescue seems pretty sad. No one is going to want this cat. At least with us he has food and shelter and we try to keep him happy with toys, boxes, and engagement. But, I feel really bad for our other cat and little dog who slink around trying to avoid his ambushes, often failing and end up fighting him off. Any suggestions would be so appreciated.
When was the last time he went to a good vet to rule out anything medical? Have you explored kitty psychiatric meds?
posted by kapers at 6:08 PM on February 3, 2022 [11 favorites]
posted by kapers at 6:08 PM on February 3, 2022 [11 favorites]
It sounds like he shouldn’t be in a home with other animals (and maybe not young kids), but he doesn’t sound un-adoptable to me! I like independent cats that kinda do their own thing and hang out - I don’t need to snuggle with them. You should be clear about what he’s like, and it may take some time, but I think it’s very possible that you can find someone who will take him and whose home will be a better fit for him.
posted by maleficent at 6:11 PM on February 3, 2022 [32 favorites]
posted by maleficent at 6:11 PM on February 3, 2022 [32 favorites]
Plenty of cats get adopted who are “no other pets” cats. It sounds like Kelso needs to be with a human family where he is the only pet (maybe they have fish or reptiles though) and who has the energy and creativity to play with him a lot to get out his energy every day. A work from home situation maybe with a young person who wants a companion but can’t commit to a bonded pair or a pet that needs a yard. Cats can be remarkably different with different people - maybe you are just not who he would accept pets from.
I would absolutely talk to your vet about different medication options and also recommendations for fostering and placement groups. You can provide him a safe home while simultaneously looking for a better one.
posted by Mizu at 6:23 PM on February 3, 2022 [8 favorites]
I would absolutely talk to your vet about different medication options and also recommendations for fostering and placement groups. You can provide him a safe home while simultaneously looking for a better one.
posted by Mizu at 6:23 PM on February 3, 2022 [8 favorites]
Being in a different environment can transform a cat's personality, especially if he's constantly stressed by the other animals. So, he might be friendly with people if he were an only cat. Or he might not. Since you're in no rush to re-home him (and might be able to try some of the suggestions in this thread), you could put the word out wherever one does that in your area that you have a cranky cat who needs to be an only cat. See what comes your way.
He might also be a good barn cat if he truly cannot adapt to living around people.
posted by Mavri at 6:24 PM on February 3, 2022 [8 favorites]
He might also be a good barn cat if he truly cannot adapt to living around people.
posted by Mavri at 6:24 PM on February 3, 2022 [8 favorites]
I know you've had it with Kelso, but try feeling bad for him too. He's trapped in a living situation that seems to be making him miserable. He feels the need to fight all these animals every day, and then he gets stuck in the garage every night. Nothing in your description makes me think he couldn't possibly be a decent pet in a quiet home without other animals.
posted by wondermouse at 6:45 PM on February 3, 2022 [16 favorites]
posted by wondermouse at 6:45 PM on February 3, 2022 [16 favorites]
Response by poster: Thank you for the suggestions - many of them I'm taking to heart. Kelso has been cleared medically, but I haven't explored any psychiatric meds. That's absolutely something I'll look into and consider.
Love Jackson Galaxy's advice and expertise. Kelso and the other cat have spaces to escape to. Some up high, some in quiet closet corners.
I have considered adopting him out as a barn cat, but am hesitant since I'm sure he'd get injured or worse right off the bat. He's likely to parkour off the wrong horse or not understand to hide from the coyotes.
@wondermouse I do feel bad for Kelso, terribly so. I have a lot of compassion for him and we try very hard to give him a good, fulfilling and engaged life. He actually loves going to the garage and will throughout the day sit by the door and meow until I let him in there. At night he happily runs in when I say "time for bed!" There's a lot for him to do out there - from chasing bugs to exploring to hunting critters. But, I also feel bad for our other animals who get attacked without provocation while just sitting curled up in a bed, or for walking through a room.
A home without other animals would be best, but I am hesitant to move forward with it since he's also so so aloof and not at all interested in engaging at all with humans - except to sit in the same room. He doesn't even like to be pet. I don't want anyone to be disillusioned or disappointed and then rehome him to a bad situation. I am trying to look out for his wellbeing and his happiness.
posted by Sassyfras at 7:04 PM on February 3, 2022 [12 favorites]
Love Jackson Galaxy's advice and expertise. Kelso and the other cat have spaces to escape to. Some up high, some in quiet closet corners.
I have considered adopting him out as a barn cat, but am hesitant since I'm sure he'd get injured or worse right off the bat. He's likely to parkour off the wrong horse or not understand to hide from the coyotes.
@wondermouse I do feel bad for Kelso, terribly so. I have a lot of compassion for him and we try very hard to give him a good, fulfilling and engaged life. He actually loves going to the garage and will throughout the day sit by the door and meow until I let him in there. At night he happily runs in when I say "time for bed!" There's a lot for him to do out there - from chasing bugs to exploring to hunting critters. But, I also feel bad for our other animals who get attacked without provocation while just sitting curled up in a bed, or for walking through a room.
A home without other animals would be best, but I am hesitant to move forward with it since he's also so so aloof and not at all interested in engaging at all with humans - except to sit in the same room. He doesn't even like to be pet. I don't want anyone to be disillusioned or disappointed and then rehome him to a bad situation. I am trying to look out for his wellbeing and his happiness.
posted by Sassyfras at 7:04 PM on February 3, 2022 [12 favorites]
There are lots of people for whom having a cat that just hangs around nearby is the ideal cat ownership. One cat in particular I took care of wanted precisely two strokes on the top of the head each day- the third was met with claws and a hiss- but would hang out nearby and be another being in the room with you. This was her pattern for like 20 years.
posted by rockindata at 7:19 PM on February 3, 2022 [9 favorites]
posted by rockindata at 7:19 PM on February 3, 2022 [9 favorites]
I think others make good points about giving Kelso a home where he’s the only pet. We have a cat who is good with people when she’s the only animal but pretty hostile to us when other animals are around. She’s like a different cat. We keep our household fully split at all times (ie she never has to deal with our other cats) but we are lucky to have a house situation where that’s possible. Also, Any reason not put Kelso out in the garage most of the time? Sounds like he’d be happy.
posted by Tandem Affinity at 7:23 PM on February 3, 2022
posted by Tandem Affinity at 7:23 PM on February 3, 2022
There are a lot of potential living situations under the rough umbrella of "working cat," from a true barn cat to an indoor-outdoor kitty on a semi-rural property to a brewery kitty or a bodega cat. Kitty might never be more than passingly tolerant of humans but that doesn't mean he can't find a moderately safe and domesticated home among them!
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 7:45 PM on February 3, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 7:45 PM on February 3, 2022 [4 favorites]
Are you anywhere that someone can use a barn cat? That is often a compromise for not fully feral, not fully pet cats. Sometimes cats just don't want to participate with in-home life with people and pets. There are people who will care for mean cats that can just sort of have their space.
posted by Crystalinne at 8:09 PM on February 3, 2022
posted by Crystalinne at 8:09 PM on February 3, 2022
A home without other animals would be best, but I am hesitant to move forward with it since he's also so so aloof and not at all interested in engaging at all with humans - except to sit in the same room. He doesn't even like to be pet. I don't want anyone to be disillusioned or disappointed and then rehome him to a bad situation. I am trying to look out for his wellbeing and his happiness.
My cat was honestly more like an awkward aloof roommate - we were ships in the night and she liked it that way. Some people are ok with this arrangement with their cat. I survived 21+ years of it. And I miss her.
posted by Toddles at 8:33 PM on February 3, 2022 [21 favorites]
My cat was honestly more like an awkward aloof roommate - we were ships in the night and she liked it that way. Some people are ok with this arrangement with their cat. I survived 21+ years of it. And I miss her.
posted by Toddles at 8:33 PM on February 3, 2022 [21 favorites]
You say he was socialized to other cats in rescue. You also mention a dog. Is he really not compatible with other pets, or is the presence of a dog freaking him the hell out?
It wouldn’t be doggo’s fault, of course. But as someone who has more cats at any given time than most people have in a lifetime, I can tell you this: there are cats who are delightfully sociable with their own species, who just…CANNOT, with dogs. Like, the presence of a dog turns them against every other species, including yours, and often their own.
Is he scared?
Don’t be too eager to assign him a life in a barn in lieu of a proper rehoming. He might not be incompatible with every household out there. He might just be incompatible with yours.
posted by armeowda at 8:48 PM on February 3, 2022 [5 favorites]
It wouldn’t be doggo’s fault, of course. But as someone who has more cats at any given time than most people have in a lifetime, I can tell you this: there are cats who are delightfully sociable with their own species, who just…CANNOT, with dogs. Like, the presence of a dog turns them against every other species, including yours, and often their own.
Is he scared?
Don’t be too eager to assign him a life in a barn in lieu of a proper rehoming. He might not be incompatible with every household out there. He might just be incompatible with yours.
posted by armeowda at 8:48 PM on February 3, 2022 [5 favorites]
That said, he does sort of look like he belongs in a brewery.
posted by armeowda at 8:50 PM on February 3, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by armeowda at 8:50 PM on February 3, 2022 [6 favorites]
The adoption agreement I signed at my cat’s shelter was so emphatic that I MUST bring her back to the shelter if I could not keep her, and that was such a relief to know they were serious about caring for her if I couldn’t for any reason. If you explore the adoption route, consider making the adopter agree Kelso comes back to the garage if it doesn’t work out, no questions asked. That would be a tough outcome for everyone, but it’s better than worrying a new owner world be worse than his current situation.
I think your honest description is rather winning. People who know cats will get the deal when your describe him. Is he a mouser? Major selling point. And he could get a job. A stockroom with a napping corner could be a good gig.
He sure is a looker. Good luck, you obviously want the best for him.
posted by kapers at 9:22 PM on February 3, 2022 [7 favorites]
I think your honest description is rather winning. People who know cats will get the deal when your describe him. Is he a mouser? Major selling point. And he could get a job. A stockroom with a napping corner could be a good gig.
He sure is a looker. Good luck, you obviously want the best for him.
posted by kapers at 9:22 PM on February 3, 2022 [7 favorites]
Response by poster: We have two dogs - big dog and little dog. He gets along fine with big doggo. He will sometimes curl up next to him or rub up against him. Sometimes he’ll lick big dogs ears. At the same time he will also sneak attack big doggo or parkour off him. Big doggo doesn’t mind one bit. He’s a gentle giant.
However, our little dog is a different story. Kelso actively attacks little dog and will ambush her and pin her down, biting and scratching. No fun and games there.
I’d hesitate to say that Kelso is good with big dogs, though, since he can ambush big dog that might be off putting to other big dogs.
I really don’t think there’s a fear around dogs unless he’s terrified of little dogs that are sleeping peacefully on their own bed or walking by minding their own business?
posted by Sassyfras at 9:27 PM on February 3, 2022
However, our little dog is a different story. Kelso actively attacks little dog and will ambush her and pin her down, biting and scratching. No fun and games there.
I’d hesitate to say that Kelso is good with big dogs, though, since he can ambush big dog that might be off putting to other big dogs.
I really don’t think there’s a fear around dogs unless he’s terrified of little dogs that are sleeping peacefully on their own bed or walking by minding their own business?
posted by Sassyfras at 9:27 PM on February 3, 2022
I think I would pay attention to the following:
Are there things that seem to provoke attacks?
Are there rooms that seem to have less attacks or more attacks?
Do you have two litterboxes?
Do the cats and dog eat in separate locations?
Are the locations/food accessible to other animals during the day?
Why is night a particular problem?
Are other animals allowed in the garage?
posted by corb at 9:45 PM on February 3, 2022
Are there things that seem to provoke attacks?
Are there rooms that seem to have less attacks or more attacks?
Do you have two litterboxes?
Do the cats and dog eat in separate locations?
Are the locations/food accessible to other animals during the day?
Why is night a particular problem?
Are other animals allowed in the garage?
posted by corb at 9:45 PM on February 3, 2022
Household dynamics with multiple animals can be complicated, and they can clash with each other for reasons that are not obvious to humans. Kelso sounds like a cat who would prefer to be an only cat, in a household where the humans don't expect a lot of direct interaction. The thing where he likes to be in the same room with humans but not really interact with them is a normal cat personality type, and reminds me of my family's cat when I was growing up. There are definitely plenty of people who would like a cat like that, and I don't think it's all that unlikely that you'd be able to rehome him with a family where he'd be a great fit if that's the direction you'd like to go. I know that rehoming a cat can feel like you're failing them somehow, but sometimes it really is best for both you and the cat (and your other animals), and it sounds like this could be the case for Kelso.
posted by biogeo at 9:49 PM on February 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by biogeo at 9:49 PM on February 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: @corb
Are there things that seem to provoke attacks?
Nothing that I can discern. A cat or dog will just walk by and he will go nuts on them. He will also attack when a cat or dog is just sitting idly by.
Are there rooms that seem to have less attacks or more attacks?
No.
Do you have two litterboxes?
We have 3
Do the cats and dog eat in separate locations?
Yes, cats have two places to eat inside and there is eating station in the garage as well. Dogs eat in an entirely different area.
Are the locations/food accessible to other animals during the day?
Kibble is available to the cats all day and night in both indoor locations and in the garage. The dogs have zero access to the cats food.
Why is night a particular problem?
Kelso is more active at night and since we are sleeping we are not available to monitor him and keep fights from happening/keep other animals safe.
Are other animals allowed in the garage?
No.
posted by Sassyfras at 10:00 PM on February 3, 2022
Are there things that seem to provoke attacks?
Nothing that I can discern. A cat or dog will just walk by and he will go nuts on them. He will also attack when a cat or dog is just sitting idly by.
Are there rooms that seem to have less attacks or more attacks?
No.
Do you have two litterboxes?
We have 3
Do the cats and dog eat in separate locations?
Yes, cats have two places to eat inside and there is eating station in the garage as well. Dogs eat in an entirely different area.
Are the locations/food accessible to other animals during the day?
Kibble is available to the cats all day and night in both indoor locations and in the garage. The dogs have zero access to the cats food.
Why is night a particular problem?
Kelso is more active at night and since we are sleeping we are not available to monitor him and keep fights from happening/keep other animals safe.
Are other animals allowed in the garage?
No.
posted by Sassyfras at 10:00 PM on February 3, 2022
We had a not social cat who wasn't aggressive (was defensive though) and was definately cat aloof. We're didn't know he wanted to be an only cat until the other cats in our home passed and suddenly he was a much happier and social cat.
Sometimes environments are just too much with too many variables. He also liked his humans very still. He got along perfectly with people who spent most of their time sitting still, or in bed. He would curl up with them and soak up all the very still love.
He was very loved and there are homes out there for cats like that. Had we understood what was going on, I think we're would have rehomed hin, but by the time we figured it out he was already a single cat.
posted by AlexiaSky at 10:15 PM on February 3, 2022 [6 favorites]
Sometimes environments are just too much with too many variables. He also liked his humans very still. He got along perfectly with people who spent most of their time sitting still, or in bed. He would curl up with them and soak up all the very still love.
He was very loved and there are homes out there for cats like that. Had we understood what was going on, I think we're would have rehomed hin, but by the time we figured it out he was already a single cat.
posted by AlexiaSky at 10:15 PM on February 3, 2022 [6 favorites]
Thanks for doing your best for Kelso, and what a lovely picture. Nthing that some people are fine with aloof cats. I had a non-people cat for nineteen years; he was also often aggressive with me. I loved him and would take a cat of Kelso's description any time if I didn't already have a cat.
I haven't seen anyone mentioning Feliway - honestly, I didn't see any reactions from either of the cats I've tried it with, but I know others have used it successfully.
posted by paduasoy at 11:08 PM on February 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
I haven't seen anyone mentioning Feliway - honestly, I didn't see any reactions from either of the cats I've tried it with, but I know others have used it successfully.
posted by paduasoy at 11:08 PM on February 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
A barn cat situation is good for a feral or semi-feral cat, but it is absolutely a rougher situation than having an actual home and I would not relegate Kelso there yet.
Not all cats like living with other animals, particularly dogs. Not wanting to live with dogs is a pretty normal trait on the cat personality spectrum and it doesn't mean the cat is not domesticated. He just sounds really stressed, not feral. Two dogs, children, and another cat can be a lot for some cats! Like, maybe he'd be fine with just the cat, maybe he could do the cat and child too, but then add the dogs and you guys just have a busy household that is not going to work for a more high-strung kitty.
It's unfortunate that the shelter didn't do any evaluation of whether Kelso was that kind of cat. Have you talked with the shelter about returning him (sometimes that's a requirement) or rehoming him? What about other cat rescue groups in the area? You can talk with the vet about the med route but I would not feel bad about rehoming him in this situation, as long as you find a good family (again: please don't go straight to barn cat).
posted by Anonymous at 4:30 AM on February 4, 2022
Not all cats like living with other animals, particularly dogs. Not wanting to live with dogs is a pretty normal trait on the cat personality spectrum and it doesn't mean the cat is not domesticated. He just sounds really stressed, not feral. Two dogs, children, and another cat can be a lot for some cats! Like, maybe he'd be fine with just the cat, maybe he could do the cat and child too, but then add the dogs and you guys just have a busy household that is not going to work for a more high-strung kitty.
It's unfortunate that the shelter didn't do any evaluation of whether Kelso was that kind of cat. Have you talked with the shelter about returning him (sometimes that's a requirement) or rehoming him? What about other cat rescue groups in the area? You can talk with the vet about the med route but I would not feel bad about rehoming him in this situation, as long as you find a good family (again: please don't go straight to barn cat).
posted by Anonymous at 4:30 AM on February 4, 2022
He actually loves going to the garage and will throughout the day sit by the door and meow until I let him in there. At night he happily runs in when I say "time for bed!" There's a lot for him to do out there - from chasing bugs to exploring to hunting critters.
Call me crazy, but… maybe he should just live in the garage for the short term while you figure this out. It sounds like he might be much happier that way, and meanwhile you can explore options like meds etc.
posted by showbiz_liz at 5:44 AM on February 4, 2022 [14 favorites]
Call me crazy, but… maybe he should just live in the garage for the short term while you figure this out. It sounds like he might be much happier that way, and meanwhile you can explore options like meds etc.
posted by showbiz_liz at 5:44 AM on February 4, 2022 [14 favorites]
I agree about letting him live in the garage or spend more time there of that's where he likes to be. Also consider letting him be an outside cat or getting a catio. Outside cats are controversial some places and catios require the space, but Kelso might prefer either of those. My mom's cat is an outside cat. She has a cat door to go into the garage to eat and get away from weather. This is in a rural-ish location where cats will occasionally wander up and adopt my mother, who is allergic.
posted by Mavri at 5:53 AM on February 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by Mavri at 5:53 AM on February 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
I had a cat exactly like this in an extremely similar situation - two other dogs, one other cat. He attacked them all. Didn't want human attention, except for the occasional scritch, which he enjoyed until he ended the interaction by attacking the human.
When I moved out of that situation and it was just me and the attack cat, he completely changed. He became happy, snuggly and vocal with me. The change was drastic - it was almost like having a dog. So it is entirely possible that Kelso would thrive in a home where he is the only pet.
posted by Polychrome at 6:43 AM on February 4, 2022 [7 favorites]
When I moved out of that situation and it was just me and the attack cat, he completely changed. He became happy, snuggly and vocal with me. The change was drastic - it was almost like having a dog. So it is entirely possible that Kelso would thrive in a home where he is the only pet.
posted by Polychrome at 6:43 AM on February 4, 2022 [7 favorites]
Could you install a chip-activated kitty door into the garage that gives him free access to the play space at all times?
posted by mightshould at 8:26 AM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by mightshould at 8:26 AM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
Agreed that some cats just need to be only pets.
A somewhat bizarre/happy story in case it helps: a friend of mine had four cats, and one of the female ones basically assumed the alpha role very early on and was super mean to the other ones. Friend was seriously considering re-homing her, but then... the other three cats got fed up and LITERALLY STAGED A COUP. Another cat took over being the Boss and Former Alpha Cat got in line quickly. Maybe she held a grudge but she never attacked the other animals again. So perhaps your other cat will get fed up at some point and take over?
Later, after all four of the above mentioned cats grew elderly and developed health conditions that necessitated being put to sleep, same Friend fostered a cat who was skittish around people and definitely needed to be an Only Pet. Friend was disheartened at first because this cat didn't even want to hang out with her and wouldn't accept pets, scritches, or toys, he only gave her attention at food time. Over time (like, a year) he got used to her and became quite lovely. He remained suspicious of other people but got over it quickly. Friend who at first was heartbroken that Foster Cat didn't like her came to love him so much that he became a Foster Fail. They co-existed for many years until he got old and sick and had to be put to sleep last year.
I think Kelso is like my friend's foster Fail cat. He may just need to be in a home where he's the only pet, and his aggression/aloofness will disappear. He sounds stressed out now, something about the unspoken pet hierarchy in the house is upsetting him. I know it hurts to consider giving up on him but there are plenty of folks out there who would be happy to have an Only Pet cat and his behavior may turn around.
posted by nayantara at 9:11 AM on February 4, 2022
A somewhat bizarre/happy story in case it helps: a friend of mine had four cats, and one of the female ones basically assumed the alpha role very early on and was super mean to the other ones. Friend was seriously considering re-homing her, but then... the other three cats got fed up and LITERALLY STAGED A COUP. Another cat took over being the Boss and Former Alpha Cat got in line quickly. Maybe she held a grudge but she never attacked the other animals again. So perhaps your other cat will get fed up at some point and take over?
Later, after all four of the above mentioned cats grew elderly and developed health conditions that necessitated being put to sleep, same Friend fostered a cat who was skittish around people and definitely needed to be an Only Pet. Friend was disheartened at first because this cat didn't even want to hang out with her and wouldn't accept pets, scritches, or toys, he only gave her attention at food time. Over time (like, a year) he got used to her and became quite lovely. He remained suspicious of other people but got over it quickly. Friend who at first was heartbroken that Foster Cat didn't like her came to love him so much that he became a Foster Fail. They co-existed for many years until he got old and sick and had to be put to sleep last year.
I think Kelso is like my friend's foster Fail cat. He may just need to be in a home where he's the only pet, and his aggression/aloofness will disappear. He sounds stressed out now, something about the unspoken pet hierarchy in the house is upsetting him. I know it hurts to consider giving up on him but there are plenty of folks out there who would be happy to have an Only Pet cat and his behavior may turn around.
posted by nayantara at 9:11 AM on February 4, 2022
A random idea in the event you do look for a new home for Kelso, Jorts the Cat has been retweeting cats for adoption using the silly description of "merch" because people kept on asking for Jorts t-shirts and whatnot. Lots of orangey cats, like Kelso and Jorts, but really all colors of "merch"!
posted by spamandkimchi at 9:34 AM on February 4, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by spamandkimchi at 9:34 AM on February 4, 2022 [4 favorites]
He sounds like a spirit cat. There's nothing wrong with this but it may not be right fit for your family, and that's ok. If you want to keep giving him a chance I would lean into his spirit cat nature and allow him to live in the garage and seriously consider some kind of catio or other outdoor living space more permanently (that's not saying he's going to live outside 24/7; I would just consider giving him the option to go out during the day in some kind of controlled environment where he can't get hurt). He can come indoors at night if he can handle it, or you can give him a cozy and warm corner in the garage to call his home.
If he's really not the right fit for you I would absolutely advertise him as a spirit cat that would enjoy a garage and outdoor space to spend his time and have a comfortable distance from the humans and other animals. He sounds like he's just too feral to be a regular pet and is stressed out by being forced into that role (that's not an insult; you sound loving and caring toward him and he's lucky to have you, but you can't change his nature). It may take time but I'm sure you can find the right home eventually. I would not return him to the shelter. He's stressed enough.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
posted by Amy93 at 11:25 AM on February 4, 2022
If he's really not the right fit for you I would absolutely advertise him as a spirit cat that would enjoy a garage and outdoor space to spend his time and have a comfortable distance from the humans and other animals. He sounds like he's just too feral to be a regular pet and is stressed out by being forced into that role (that's not an insult; you sound loving and caring toward him and he's lucky to have you, but you can't change his nature). It may take time but I'm sure you can find the right home eventually. I would not return him to the shelter. He's stressed enough.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
posted by Amy93 at 11:25 AM on February 4, 2022
Is there a specific reason he can't stay in the garage if he likes it that much? It sounds like maybe he feels safe out there.
posted by brilliantine at 11:31 AM on February 4, 2022
posted by brilliantine at 11:31 AM on February 4, 2022
Sounds like Kelso is a cat that needs his own space and doesn't like sharing with others.
Maybe you can record a video and send it to Jackson Galaxy, he sometimes responds in form of YT videos. Maybe there's some body language we missed.
It's also likely that the cat is not getting enough play time to spend his energy and predator drive so chose to take it out on other cats and the small dog as play, but I'm just speculating there. Maybe schedule some laser pointer or toy time for Kelso and see if that helps?
posted by kschang at 12:19 PM on February 4, 2022
Maybe you can record a video and send it to Jackson Galaxy, he sometimes responds in form of YT videos. Maybe there's some body language we missed.
It's also likely that the cat is not getting enough play time to spend his energy and predator drive so chose to take it out on other cats and the small dog as play, but I'm just speculating there. Maybe schedule some laser pointer or toy time for Kelso and see if that helps?
posted by kschang at 12:19 PM on February 4, 2022
I think the fundamental attribution error might apply here. To you, he seems like this kind of cat; to him, he has to behave this way because of [whatever is stressing him]; in another situation, he might behave very differently.
People are generally very compassionate. Some people are very moved by animals that are difficult or hard to rehome; they tune in to the probable suffering of the animal and strongly desire to make that animal's life better, or to appreciate that which other people can't. Some people just like different personalities.
So, at least _try_ to re-home him. You can let that percolate in the background while you pursue other remedies.
posted by amtho at 4:27 PM on February 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
People are generally very compassionate. Some people are very moved by animals that are difficult or hard to rehome; they tune in to the probable suffering of the animal and strongly desire to make that animal's life better, or to appreciate that which other people can't. Some people just like different personalities.
So, at least _try_ to re-home him. You can let that percolate in the background while you pursue other remedies.
posted by amtho at 4:27 PM on February 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
It seems like it would be best to find a new home for him - he doesn't seem happy in a home with other animals, and your other pets are living in fear, which is quite unfair to them as well.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 4:48 PM on February 4, 2022
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 4:48 PM on February 4, 2022
He constantly. CONSTANTLY. attacks our other cat. Like cat screeching fights. I keep them separated for the most part.
We have a 10 year old cat and recently adopted a kitten. Kitten and Old cat get in these horrible screeching fights (this has been going on for about a year now).
However, the fights are (a) rare - like a few times per week (b) more drama than violence - turns out most of the noise is from Old cat, and (c) kitten seems to understand when we separate him and say "no bad kitty" and put him outside the room (where humans and old kitty are relaxing).
Our conclusion: Kitten really just wants to play, and Old Cat does not, and most of the noise is just that (noise, not violence).
Can you clarify "constantly"? Who is screeching? Does separation (as a punishment) work?
posted by soylent00FF00 at 5:10 PM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
We have a 10 year old cat and recently adopted a kitten. Kitten and Old cat get in these horrible screeching fights (this has been going on for about a year now).
However, the fights are (a) rare - like a few times per week (b) more drama than violence - turns out most of the noise is from Old cat, and (c) kitten seems to understand when we separate him and say "no bad kitty" and put him outside the room (where humans and old kitty are relaxing).
Our conclusion: Kitten really just wants to play, and Old Cat does not, and most of the noise is just that (noise, not violence).
Can you clarify "constantly"? Who is screeching? Does separation (as a punishment) work?
posted by soylent00FF00 at 5:10 PM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
My adopted rescue cat loathes other animals. The only time I have ever seen her aggressive is with other cats or dogs in the yard or on the porch. My ex tried to socialise her into coexistence with his partner's cat but it failed bad enough now the other cat also hates cats.
But she chills out in my house with no other pets. She is mostly aloof, communicates primarily by yelling and has appointed herself the sleep enforcer (the first night my partner was here he messaged me worried because she sat near him and yelled and he couldn't work out why). She will accept and occasionally seek out pats but is not a lap cat, doesn't play, is utterly unmotivated by food, and doesn't like high spaces.
She is absolutely loved and adored. Kelso will be too. I'm glad she is not a snuggle cat because I have allergies. She also has a definite preference for men, and can take a while to warm up to women and longer for kids. When she got rehomed back to me I was worried I might have to give her up because I am allergic. I was worried that any future family might not understand how great she is. But people like me exist and adopt cats.
posted by geek anachronism at 5:15 PM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
But she chills out in my house with no other pets. She is mostly aloof, communicates primarily by yelling and has appointed herself the sleep enforcer (the first night my partner was here he messaged me worried because she sat near him and yelled and he couldn't work out why). She will accept and occasionally seek out pats but is not a lap cat, doesn't play, is utterly unmotivated by food, and doesn't like high spaces.
She is absolutely loved and adored. Kelso will be too. I'm glad she is not a snuggle cat because I have allergies. She also has a definite preference for men, and can take a while to warm up to women and longer for kids. When she got rehomed back to me I was worried I might have to give her up because I am allergic. I was worried that any future family might not understand how great she is. But people like me exist and adopt cats.
posted by geek anachronism at 5:15 PM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
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Secondly I have used pet calming chews with some success during a long stretch when one of my cats kept attacking the other when the other was not having it. So much fur flying. So much hissing. The actual lasting solution came when we took them both to the vet together for their annual visit and they huddled together in one carrier after the visit and apparently trauma-bonded.
And thanks for sharing the cat pic. What a serious-faced and adorable cat Kelso is.
posted by spamandkimchi at 6:07 PM on February 3, 2022 [13 favorites]