What's the stupidest holiday sausage gift basket?

November 29, 2021 7:18 PM

Please help me find the tackiest, silliest sausage-and-cheese-and-jams holiday gift basket for my 6yo.

I am not looking for fancy, foodie stuff.
I am not looking for mid-market stuff like Harry & David.
I am looking for a stupidly big, very tacky, replete-with-idiotic-holiday-cheer assortment of sausages, cheeses, nuts, little snacky things, condiments, etc. You know the things I'm talking about.
My 6yo is a goofball and will get a kick out of something like this. Thank you!

posted by Dr. Wu to Food & Drink (12 answers total)

Clarifying question, would said 6 year old find amusement in miniature things?
posted by Juniper Toast at 7:23 PM on November 29, 2021 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Miniatures are absolutely not out of the question. Especially if they are silly.
posted by Dr. Wu at 7:25 PM on November 29, 2021 [2 favorites]

Best answer: The Swiss Colony has cornered the market on this. Massive, massive gift sets of individually wrapped shelf stable meats.
posted by phunniemee at 7:25 PM on November 29, 2021 [17 favorites]

Best answer: When I was that age, I was obsessed with the Swiss Colony.
posted by shadygrove at 7:26 PM on November 29, 2021 [6 favorites]

I wish I knew of a packaged basket, but I believe your kid may be ready for the yard-o-beef. The name had me and my siblings in hysterics when we were kids. In fact we still bring it up every Christmas.
https://www.samsclub.com/p/hillshire-farm-yard-o-beef-3lbs/157575
posted by kapers at 7:26 PM on November 29, 2021 [2 favorites]

Best answer: This guy right here https://www.swisscolony.com/p/santas-77-favorites-000688.html
posted by rmless at 8:24 PM on November 29, 2021 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: I honestly don't know why I failed to remember those magic words: Swiss Colony. I used to be obsessed with that catalog, too, years ago. It's very promising that their wares seem to have changed very little in 30 years.

Still! If you know of anything even tackier and more ridiculous, I'm all ears!
posted by Dr. Wu at 8:58 PM on November 29, 2021 [5 favorites]

Hickory Farms may be a contender.
posted by SLC Mom at 10:05 PM on November 29, 2021 [7 favorites]

This offering from Jack Links isn't that big, but it's 'beefed up and ready to go,' there's a sasquatch on the package, and it's a Big Lots exclusive.
posted by box at 6:09 AM on November 30, 2021 [3 favorites]

Hickory Farms has always been my go-to (my dad's birthday is three days before Christmas and he's a sausage/cheese/mixed nuts obsessive), but I'm going to have to check out Swiss Colony because that looks amazing.
posted by ceejaytee at 7:54 AM on November 30, 2021

Response by poster: I cracked up at "beefed up and ready to go." AAAA++++ would beef again.

Thanks, all!
posted by Dr. Wu at 11:36 AM on November 30, 2021

At one time, Swiss Colony had a giant cheese box with an entire canned ham in the center. The package was listed as the "HAM-DINGER". I sent it to my sister, and got stories of how they had to tilt it to fit it through the front door when it arrived. Unwrapped, the twinkling foil-wrapped meats, cheeses and cakes in a giant hexagon bore comparison to the spaceship from Close Encounters.

So yeah, Swiss Colony. The pride of Monroe, Wisconsin.
posted by gimonca at 2:38 PM on November 30, 2021 [3 favorites]